Sleepy Days, Come No More
Chapter 36
Blake and I stood before the table. I felt the air as it filled my lungs. I looked at the handsome man that Blake had chosen to be with, his new lover. He had short light brown hair and a well groomed beard. I tried to see the color of his eyes but the darkness of the club prohibited my examination.
He looked about six feet tall or so, he was sitting so I could not be sure. He was looking at me and smiling as if he were pleased to see me. Since I couldn't see his eyes it was hard to discern if his smile was of kindness or malice. I did not know if he was excited to meet someone new or if he wished to taunt me with his conquest.
Blake had begun to speak, but I couldn't hear what he had said. I just kept wondering why I had agreed to go over there with him. I wondered why Blake would want to introduce me to his lover. How could he not know that this would hurt me? Why would he think I would want to see the person who he had replaced me with? How could he be so careless and why had I been so stupid as to agree?
As these questions rang through my mind, I realized something. Something that caused my blood to run hot. I could not believe what I was seeing. I even closed my eyes and reopened them to make sure that I was not mistaken. I was not mistaken. My eyes were correct.
He was wearing a shirt that I had bought Blake. He was actually wearing something that I had bought. I couldn't believe that Blake would let him wear that shirt. I loved that shirt and now he was wearing it. I felt completely disrespected. I felt disgusted.
I wanted that shirt. I was not leaving without that shirt. It was mine; he had no right to take it.
Blake nudged me, "Steven aren't you going to answer the question?"
I looked over to Blake and then back at his lover, "What the fuck are you doing with that shirt on? Take it off!" I demanded.
"What!" He said in surprise.
"Take off that fucking shirt!" I exclaimed.
He just stared at me. He did not make a move. I was becoming more agitated. Blake was saying something but I could not comprehend it. It was as if I were in a wind tunnel. I could not see anything but that shirt. And the longer he sat there motionless, the angrier I became.
In a moment I found myself lunging across the table. I took hold of the shirt and began to rip it from his body. He started to push me away and Blake was grabbing me from behind, but I could not stop, I needed that shirt.
Finally, he and Blake managed to work my hands from the shirt and Blake pulled me from the table.
"Get off me!" I screamed.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He demanded.
"What is wrong with you? You bring me over here to meet your boyfriend and he is wearing that shirt! What the fuck were you thinking?" I countered.
"Steven what is going on?" I heard someone ask. I turned looked and saw that it was Sean. I had been so focused on the shirt, that I had not noticed all the attention that was upon us. There was a crowd of people looking at me.
"This doesn't concern you!" Blake said to Sean with agitation.
"I was speaking to Steven." Sean exclaimed.
"Mind your own business this is between Steven and me!" Blake said bluntly.
"Clearly you have upset him." Sean countered.
"I told you that it has nothing to do with you!" Blake exclaimed as he moved toward Sean.
"Steven are you ready?" Sean asked.
"He isn't leaving with you!" Blake said sternly.
By this time I was so humiliated that I could barely think. I had made a complete spectacle of myself and everyone was watching. Just as I was going to respond to Sean's question, a bouncer came over and told us all to leave.
I walked closely behind Sean and Blake followed closely behind me. Once we were outside Blake grabbed my arm.
"What are you doing? You aren't really going to leave with him!" Blake exclaimed.
I yanked my arm from his grasp, "Let go of me." I commanded.
"We need to talk." Blake insisted.
"There is nothing to say. I'm ready Sean." I said as I turned away from Blake.
"Steven, we need to talk!" Blake insisted.
"You heard him rich boy, he doesn't want anything to do with you." Sean said.
Sean took my arm and guided me down the street. We got into his car and he drove us back to his place. There was not a word spoken between us. Once we arrived at his apartment, I sat on the sofa. Sean went to the kitchen and fixed us a couple of beverages.
"How are you Steve?" Sean asked.
"I don't know . . . . . . I am upset. I am really upset." I confessed.
"What happened?" He asked.
"I don't really remember. One moment I am talking to Blake the next moment I am diving over a table. Like some type of crazed person. Maybe I was crazed." I said.
"That doesn't seem like you. Something must have triggered you or set you off." He said.
"There is no excuse Sean. I am so embarrassed." I confessed.
"You made a mistake. It will be alright." He assured.
"I don't even want to talk about it. I thought you said that we were going to have fun tonight." I said.
"Yeah, I didn't think that you would be in the mood, after." He said.
"Well, I rather have a little fun with you than think about what happened tonight." I informed.
"Okay." He said.
Later that night I lay in bed and tried to sleep, but there was no use. I was so tense. All I could think of was what had happened that night. I sat up in bed and looked over at Sean. He was sound asleep. I watched him for a while longer, and then I quietly climbed out of bed.
It was very early in the morning and I was still tired but I needed to leave. I got dressed and left the apartment. I walked aimlessly about the streets until I came to a park. I found a bench and sat down. There was serenity in the air. I guess it was due to the lack of commotion, the stillness of the streets.
I sat there for hours, thinking about so much but focusing on nothing. The sun was hanging prominently in the sky and the streets were beginning to vibrate with movement. The serenity that had made the park so inviting was starting to fade. I stood on my feet and decided to go home.
I arrived home late that afternoon. I felt tired but I was really sleepy, I was more drained. I went to my room and pulled off my clothes and put on a robe. I walked to the bathroom and completed my hygiene. After my shower I headed out the kitchen to fix myself something to eat.
As I walked toward the kitchen I saw Michael sitting on the sofa watching television.
"Hey Michael." I said.
"Hey Steve." He replied.
"I am going to have a grilled cheese sandwich, do you want one?" I asked.
"Yeah, but can you add ham to mine?" He asked.
"Sure, ham and cheese. Sounds good." I replied.
"You had a visitor last night." He announced.
"Blake?" I asked.
"Yeah." He confirmed.
"Did he say anything?" I asked.
"He asked if you were home and if I knew when you were coming home. I told that I didn't know, so he asked if he could wait. I said sure." He paused. "I called you a couple of times to tell you he was here but I didn't get an answer." He explained.
"I'm sorry. Blake kept calling me, and I didn't want to talk so I turned off my phone." I informed.
"Well, he seemed pretty upset." He said.
"I bet he was. How long did he stay?" I asked.
"He didn't leave until like nine." He replied.
"Nine?" I asked in surprise.
"Yeah. He just sat there on the couch. He asked me if I knew where Sean lived. I know the building he lives in but I didn't think I should tell him, so I didn't." He said.
"Thanks. That was the right thing to do." I affirmed.
"What's going on?" He asked.
"Oh, a lot of stupidity Michael, a lot of nonsense." I said.
"That doesn't exactly answer my question." He said.
"I know. I really don't know what is going on myself Michael. I know that I don't want to talk about it right now, but as soon as I am ready I will let you know." I said.
"Okay." He replied.
"I am sorry if Blake disrupted your night." I apologized.
"It was okay. I like Blake; it was not a big deal . . . . . just sad to see him upset." He explained.
"I'm surprised that you were even home. I thought you would have gone out last night." I observed.
"No, I decided to stay in and study." He said.
"You have been staying in quite a bit the last few days. Is everything okay with you?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's just that Ryan and I haven't really been hanging out, and he was my club buddy." He explained.
"So Ryan has been distant?" I asked.
"Yep." He exclaimed.
"I'm sorry Michael; I know you really liked him." I said.
"Yeah, at first I didn't think that it would be that big of a deal, but now I really miss him." He confessed.
"Do you regret being honest with him about your feelings?" I inquired.
"Now I do, but I know it was the right thing to do. I just wish things could be the same." He responded.
"I am proud of you Michael. I think that you did the right thing. Maybe Ryan will come around, but even if he doesn't, you did the right thing and you will find some new friends. I know there are some people from the school who you can hang out with." I said.
"Yeah there are a lot of people from the gay-straight alliance and some from class, but I just really meshed with Ryan, I felt like I could really trust him. You know?" He said.
"I know." I answered.
"Well, are you making those sandwiches?" He asked sweetly with a meek smile.
I laughed, "Sure." I said.
That evening I decided to go and speak to Blake. I walked over to his apartment building and ascended the stairs. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard the locks as they were unlatched and watched the door knob turn.
The door opened and Blake looked directly at me.
"Hey Steve." Blake said somberly.
"Hello Blake, may I come in?" I asked.
"I have company." Blake informed.
"That is okay. I think it is best that I speak to you both." I said.
"Okay." Blake said.
He stepped aside and signaled for me to enter. I walked the through the door and came into a place that I had once regarded as a second home. I looked around the apartment, everything looked the same but it felt different. It wasn't the warm haven it had once been to me, now it was a hollow reminder of things past.
As I walked further into the apartment I found his guest sitting at the table. Blake walked to the table and sat down.
"Steve do you want to sit?" Blake asked.
"Sure." I replied and joined them at the table.
I found myself staring at this strange, handsome man. It seemed weird to think of him as a stranger since he had been such a large part of my life. He was the invisible wall that had been between Blake and I before I even knew his name.
I had tried so hard not to think about him. I had tried to push him from my mind, to pretend that he didn't really exist, but there he was before me. Just inches away from me. This time, unlike the night before, I could see his eyes. They were beautiful. There was no trace of malice in them, just a bit of confusion.
Looking into his eyes and seeing him there, made me feel more ashamed of myself. I had behaved so badly, there was no excuse. I took, yet another, deep breath and started to speak.
"First, I really want to apologize for my behavior last night. Jonathan, I had no right to put my hands on you as I did. There is simply no excuse for my behavior." I said sincerely.
There was no immediate response just a puzzled look plastered on both his and Blake's face.
"Jonathan?" He asked with a chuckle.
"Steven this is Westin." Blake clarified.
"Westin? Your cousin?" I asked.
"Yes. I introduced him last night." Blake said.
"Westin." I sighed heavily. "I have heard so much about you." I said.
"I have heard a lot about you too." Westin informed.
"That's why I wanted you to meet him." Blake explained.
"Westin I am so sorry man. I acted like an idiot last night." I said.
"Yeah, it was a real surprise, but I guess a few drinks can bring out the beast in any of us." Westin said with a smile.
"I wish I could blame it on alcohol but I don't drink. I was just a little beside myself." I admitted.
"You really wanted that shirt." Westin said with a smile.
"I am so sorry." I reiterated.
"Don't worry about it man, it will make a cool story." Westin said.
"Westin could you give me and Steve some privacy?" Blake requested.
"Yeah. I think I will go ahead to the bar." Westin said.
"No, that won't be necessary. I just wanted to come over to apologize. I don't want to disrupt your plans." I said.
"I think we should talk Steve." Blake said.
"I know, we should but not today. Westin is here, I know you guys have a lot of catching up to do and I am so tired, I would not be able to think clearly enough to say everything I need to say." I explained.
"Okay, well, when can we talk?" Blake asked.
"I'll call you sometime next week. Maybe we can go out for dinner or drinks or something." I suggested.
"Okay, make sure you call me." Blake encouraged.
"I will." I assured.
"Well, it was good to meet you Steve. Maybe next time we will be able to hang out." Westin said as extended his hand.
"I would really like that Westin. Again I am very sorry." I replied as I shook his hand.
"Don't worry about it man, I think I understand. I had my share of bad moments." Westin said with a laugh.
"Thanks. You guys have a great evening." I said.
Blake walked me to the door and as I was about to pass over the threshold, he placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Don't forget to call me Steve." He instructed.
I turned and faced him, "I won't." I said.
I turned and descended the stairs and walked back to my place. I went to my room, undressed, and climbed into bed. Before long I was asleep. I felt so exhausted. I slept through the evening and night. I woke early the next morning and went for a walk.
I walked for nearly two hours, until my legs burned from exhaustion. I found a bench and sat down for a few moments and tried to rub the pain from my calves. I continued to think about my behavior at the club. The thoughts caused me to cringe. I had behaved like a lunatic.
I had lost complete control of myself and now I knew that I would have to talk to Blake about what had happened, about why I had behaved like a jealous moron. The thoughts were becoming too much to ponder and it was nearing my time to go to work, so I took a deep breath and slowly raised off the bench and set out on my way home.
Comments:
I just read chapter 35 and my wild guess would be Steven actually pushed through with the threesome. But I won't be surprised if he backed out. I can remember he did just that while he and Blake were about to do penetrative sex for the first time. If he backed out then I can safely say he's one of the best cockblockers in history. . . . . .he's outdone himself, surely. A double cockblock! Haha!
Dudung
Hmmm. ÿI would guess he went through with the threesome. I do not like Blake anymore though. Time for him to have an untimely meeting with a train!! :).ÿ
Tony
I am in a very "fuck you Blake" mood today and would prefer that Steve would tell him to go fuck himself and "leave me the hell alone". Then I would like Steve to take a leave of absence from work, sublet his aparment and go to Italy. While there he will meet this other American guy who also is running away from his unhappy circumstances back in theÿStates. Steve and this guy Warren fallÿhopelessly in love and buy a small villa together in Tuscany not far from Luca. And they live happily ever after.
John
Appreciation:
Special thanks to Oscar, Lou, Arch, Clayton, Jake, Ed, Adolfo, Khalid, Gary, Lucas, Vern, John, Lance, Oz, Dudung, Alan, Terry, Paul, Greg, John J., Harold, Small, Barry, Michael B., Cameron, Randy, Liam, Byron, Kris, Bryan, Fred, Tomaz, David, Tony, Emmanuel, Joseph, Bruce, Matlock, Shawn, Bobby, Gregory, Bill, David R., Bradley, Ron, Bruce, Tom, Mick, Curtis, JT and Mikal for their support, and everyone who has taken the time to follow this story, I really appreciate you all.
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Last but not least, thanks to the editor, Raziya, for all of the wonderful work.
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