Sleepy Days, Come No More
Chapter 43
As I lay there in bed between fantasy and reality, I felt something brush across my lips. It tickled and caused me to flick at it with my hand, but I was still not ready to open my eyes. After that I felt someone press their lips against mine.
I smiled as the lips worked from my mouth to my neck. I felt really good, I had that warm-weightless feeling, it was great.
"Wake up baby." Blake whispered as he sucked my ear.
I opened my eyes, "Hey." I said groggily.
"Hey." He replied with a smile.
"How long have you been up?" I asked.
"About an hour and a half." He informed.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"A little after 9." He said.
"I thought I set the alarm for 7:15?" I asked.
"I turned it off; you looked like you could use the extra sleep." He informed.
"Oh. You thought I needed the extra sleep?" I asked.
"Yes." He replied.
"I did not authorize you to make that decision." I said playfully.
"You're right, you didn't. That was so inconsiderate of me, how can I make it up to you?" He asked flirtatiously.
"I don't know. What do you have to offer?" I asked playfully.
"I have plenty to offer." He said as he pressed his himself against me. "That is if you want it." He said.
Having his bare skin pressed against me sent a surge of energy through my body, I gasped a little in reaction. "Stop." I said meekly. "I told you that I am celibate or was, I already broke my vow." I said with a smile.
"Do you regret it?" He asked seriously.
"No. I enjoyed being with you, you know that I did." I said.
"I thought you did." He said.
"Well, now you know." I said with a smile.
"Yeah, now I know." He said and started to kiss me.
We made out for a few minutes and then Blake managed to climb atop me.
"I really do need to pack." I said.
"You have plenty of time and I told you I will help you." He said as he continued to kiss me, pressing his crotch against my bare skin.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" I asked.
He did not answer my question; he simply proceeded with his cause. Afterward we lay in bed for a bit longer, no conversation, no movement. Finally we were able to climb out of bed and make our way to the shower. It was like old times, he washed my back and I washed his hair.
Then we got dressed and went down stairs to get something to eat. When we entered the kitchen we found Theresa and Caleb sitting at the counter.
"Good morning." Caleb greeted.
"Good morning." Blake and I responded in unison.
"You guys woke up at the same time?" Theresa inquired with a smile.
"No, I woke up first." Blake said.
"How long have you guys been up long?" I asked.
"A couple of hours." Caleb responded.
"Breakfast is in the oven." Theresa advised.
"Great." Blake said as he went over to the oven.
"So you're leaving today?" Theresa asked.
"Yeah. I have to get back. When are you guys leaving?" I asked with a smile.
"I'm leaving tomorrow." Caleb informed.
"In a couple of days, maybe a little later." Theresa replied.
"Well, I'm sure your parents are happy to have you and Blake here as long as possible." I said.
"Yeah, it is sort of weird for us all to be here and it not be some type of holiday." Theresa said.
Blake walked over to the counter and sat a plate before me.
"Thanks." I said.
"You're welcome." Blake replied as he sat on the stool next to me and began to eat.
"You guys have any plans before you leave?" Caleb asked.
"No, just to pack." I said.
"I think I might take Steve for a walk." Blake announced.
"Like a dog?" I asked playfully.
"Maybe." Blake countered.
We finished eating our breakfast and then went to my room and packed my things. Once I had double checked everything to assure that I had packed all of my belongings, Blake took me out to the back of the house. We walked until we reached the wooded area that bordered the back yard.
"I am not a nature boy Mr. Mitchell. I don't know if I want to venture too much further." I professed with a smile.
"Are you scared?" He asked with a smirk.
"I am not scared, I am cautious. Besides I don't like walking through dirt and mud, and there might be snakes or something, does the instinct to not die make me a wuss?" I paused, realizing what I had said. "I'm sorry." I said as I looked over at Blake.
"Come on." He said with a smile as he took hold of my hand.
We walked for about fifteen minutes until we reached a creek or perhaps it was stream, I don't really know the difference. Once we reached the shallow body of water Blake stopped walking. He sat on the ground and took off his shoes and socks. Then he rolled up his pant legs and walked into the water.
"Come on Greene, get your feet wet." He instructed with a smile.
"I guess." I conceded.
I took off my shoes and socks and joined Blake in the creek. The water was cool, not cold. The water was shallow but Blake made a concerted effort to splash water on me anyway. I in turn splashed him too. We went on with our juvenile behavior for a while and then we sat along the creek, with our feet still in the water and Blake told me about all the things he and his friends had done in those very woods.
There were tales of drug usage and circle jerks. There were stories of rough housing and having parties and sex under the stars. Apparently the creek widened and deepened further north and there was fishing on occasion. Blake shared these experiences with a smile.
We talked for a few hours until it was nearly time for me to leave for the airport. We made our way back through the woods and returned to the house. We washed up together and then carried my bags out to the rental car. I spent the rest of the time talking with the family and then I prepared to leave.
There were hugs, kisses and well wishes. I told Blake that I could make it to the airport alone but he insisted that he come along. He took one of his parents' cars and led the way to the airport. I dropped off the car at the rental place and then Blake drove me to the airport.
We hugged and kissed, and then we parted. I went through all the airline procedures and then waited to board. The plane ride was smooth, no turbulence or disorderly passengers. We landed late in the evening and I took a taxi home.
Once I arrived home I called Blake to let him know that I had made it, as I had promised. Then I went about unpacking my belongings and opening mail. After that I took a shower and changed into more comfortable clothing.
Later that night Michael came home and we talked briefly. The next day I went to work. It felt as though I had been gone for a month but it was odd working in my office opposed to a bedroom, but I quickly got back into the swing of things. I had kept up with things while I was away so there was not much to make up.
After work I went to the market to buy some groceries and then I went home. I spent a few hours studying for my impending exams, the most difficult part was trying to decipher the notes that one of my classmates had sent me. Then, around eightish, Marie came over for a visit.
We made small talk at first and I told her about the trip and the subsequent funeral. She asked how Blake and his family were coping and I told her as well as could be expected. I told her about the plane trip and about going to an arcade for the first time. Finally I told her that Blake and I had shared more than just friendly hugs.
"You slept with him?" She asked with mild disdain.
"Yes." I confessed with a wry smile.
"What did I tell you not to do? I told you not to do that!" She exclaimed.
"I know." I replied meekly.
"Having sex with someone when you are all emotional is a bad idea, it always leads to complications." She proclaimed.
"I know." I again agreed.
"And what about your celibacy vow, are you giving it up now?" She inquired.
"No, well, I mean it is over now but I plan to return to it. This was just an unexpected lapse in the program." I said.
"How did it happen?" She inquired.
"How? Do you mean physically?" I asked playfully.
"Don't be silly. How did you go from attending a funeral to having sex with Blake?" She asked seriously.
"Well, the night that Liz died he came to my room in the middle of the night and, and he asked to sleep over, so we shared a bed. Nothing happened that night but the night of the funeral, I told you that I stayed at their house once my reservation expired, I went to comfort him and one thing led to another and before I knew it we were . . . . . . . . you know." I informed.
"You make it sound so simple." She said.
"Well, it isn't that complicated. People have sex all the time, I'm sure that you and Thomas are having sex." I countered with a chuckle.
"Thomas and I aren't estranged nor or is one of us in a relationship with someone else or trying to put our life in order, but you and Blake are." She said.
"Yes, that is true. I am trying to put my life in order and this doesn't mean that my life is suddenly out of control now because I slept with Blake. I am not very proud of breaking my vow but I am not contrite about it either. I love Blake and I enjoyed being with him, we were both lonely and sad and we helped each other through the night. It is as simple as that." I insisted.
"As for his relationship with Jonathan, well, I don't feel good about that either, but on the other hand, and I am not proud to admit this, but I asked myself `why should I be concerned about his feelings, he certainly was not concerned about mine'. I know that is terrible but it did cross my mind. I don't want to hurt anyone, from what I understand Blake and Jonathan have an understanding, so I will leave their relationship to them, besides it isn't as if Blake and I are going to start seeing each other, it was a chance occurrence." I assured.
"Did you use protection?" She asked.
"Of course we did." I answered.
"Well, at least you were responsible about that. You say that you expect things to revert back to normal now that you are back, but what about Blake? How does he feel about it?" She inquired.
"I'm sure that he doesn't expect anything, I mean he is still with Jonathan and there were extraordinary circumstances. We had a nice time together, it was great, that is all there is to it." I insisted.
"I hope so, for your sake and his." She replied.
Marie stayed over for a while longer and we moved on to other topics. Once she had gone I prepared myself for bed. The next day was work and school and then home. The next couple days went by swiftly. Friday evening Blake came over for a visit. In truth I was a little surprised to see him.
I opened the door and let him in.
"Hey, you're back." I said with a smile.
"Yeah, I'm back." He said as he moved toward me, eventually wrapping his arms around me and giving me a kiss on the lips.
I broke the kiss and arched backward, creating a small bit of space between us. "How was your trip?" I asked with a smile.
"It was fine." He replied as he pulled me back in and started to kiss my neck.
"Oh, that's nice." I paused. "I think we need to talk." I said.
"I want to more than talk." He said flirtatiously.
"I see, but let's talk." I insisted.
He loosed me from his grip and we walked over to the sofa and sat down. I looked at for a few moments before starting to speak.
"You know that I have been working hard to get things in order in my life." I said.
"Yeah, I know, I think that is great baby." He replied.
"Good, I am glad that you think that it is great." I said with a smile.
"Of course I think that it is great. I want you to be happy and well. I want to help you in any way that I can." He paused. "Spending time with you recently really made me realize what I want and where I want to be. I really appreciate you being with me when I needed you." He professed.
"Oh." I replied.
"I know that you felt that you needed time to get your life in order and that you felt, rightly so, that you needed to have some time away from me but it has been months now and you seem so much calmer and confident now. I really want us to get back together." He informed.
"Blake, I think that this is the wrong time to be talking about reconciliation. You are still grieving the loss of someone very dear to you. It would be easy for you to get back together with me, maybe that would help you cope with the loss, but that doesn't mean it is a good idea." I countered.
"You are right, Liz's death has had a large part in my decision, but it isn't because I want to avoid coping with the loss. I watched Liz deteriorate for months; she fought hard and always smiled even when she was in pain. Toward the end she was so doped up that she barely knew where she was, but when she was lucid, she would always ask me if I were happy. She would tell me to be happy, `do whatever you have to be happy', she would say. I want to be happy Steve. I want to be with you." He exclaimed.
"Just like that? All of a sudden?" I asked.
"Not all of a sudden. I always wanted to be with you Steve." He said.
"I, I . . . . ." I stuttered.
"Listen Steve, I know that things didn't work out the way that we had planned. I made mistakes too; I shouldn't have been with Jonathan. I shouldn't have pushed you away when you came back, but we can start over, we can make it work this time, I know that we can." He said.
"I don't . . . . . ." I started.
"When we were together it was great, being with you was great. I know that you still love me, I see how you look at me, how you touch me. I love you too baby." He exclaimed.
"I know that we spent, well . . . . . . . . that we, um, made love a couple of times but I need to recommit myself to being celibate and to focusing on the things that me and my therapist believe I need to work on." I informed.
"Baby, I understand that you feel that you need to continue with your program and I am fine with that. If you feel that you need to be celibate for however long, then that is fine, I can survive that." He assured.
"It is not just about celibacy, I vowed not to be in a relationship either. I am supposed to completely dedicate myself to being healthy: physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Being with you was awesome, it was nice lying next to you in bed, just to talk to you and be close to you, but this is not the time for me to make a commitment to being with you or anyone." I explained.
"How can you make that decision so fast? You have not even had time to think about what I have said." He asked.
"I have thought about this. I have thought a lot about this. My thoughts and feelings about the situation have not changed in the recent months. I don't think that we should change the status of our relationship. The arrangement is working well for me. I am feeling better, I am doing better." I replied.
"Do you think that I want to disrupt your progress or your happiness? Is that what you think of me?" He asked.
"No, not at all. I don't think that you mean me any harm at all, I don't mean you any harm either, but we have both caused each other pain and I am not ready to try again." I said.
"So, what about our time together? It was just sex, nothing more?" He inquired.
"It wasn't just sex, we were both sad . . . . . . . . you were so down and I wanted to be close to you, I wanted to comfort you." I replied.
"So, that is how you comfort all of your pals when they are sad? Do you share a bed with them? Let them hold you and kiss you, let them inside you? Is that just your way?" He asked sharply.
"That isn't fair Blake. You know that it was more than that, you are the one who came on to me." I reminded.
"Yes. Yes, I did come on to you because I love you, not because I just wanted to be pitied." He exclaimed.
"It wasn't like that!" I insisted as I shook my head.
"You know what Steve; sometimes I feel like I don't know who the hell you are! What happened to the guy on the bus that I fell in love with? Where is he?" He asked angrily.
"I don't expect you to understand my position; I am not asking to do that. You say that I have changed or that you don't know me anymore, that is sad, I mean I would like to think that you do know me but right now I am still coming to understand myself. You want to get back together, when just two weeks ago we weren't even speaking." I said.
"Why weren't we speaking? That was your choice, not mine!" He exclaimed.
"Yeah, that is right, it was my choice and I did make it. You have made many choices too . . . . . . . look I don't want to go back and forth with you about this. I don't want to rehash the past, it is the past and I don't want to fight with you Blake." I said.
"Yeah, apparently you don't want to do much with me anymore!" He exclaimed sharply.
"Blake, I love you." I said as I tried to hold his hand but he snatched it from my reach.
"I don't need your fucking pity!" He rose to his feet. "If you don't want to be with me then you don't want to be with me. You don't have to bullshit me about timing or whatever else." He said sharply.
"I am not bullshitting you. I was only trying to be upfront with you." I explained as I stood.
"Thanks!" He said sarcastically as he made his way to the door.
Then with an open and close he was gone.
Appreciation:
Special thanks to Oscar, Lou, Arch, Clayton, Jake, Ed, Adolfo, Khalid, Gary, Lucas, Vern, John, Lance, Oz, Dudung, Alan, Terry, Rogue, Jerry, Paul, Greg, John J., Harold, Kim, Small, Barry, Michael B., Cameron, David S., Randy, Liam, Byron, Kris, Bryan, Fred, Tomaz, David, Alex, Tony, Jerry L., Emmanuel, Lulu, Joseph, Bruce, Matlock, Shawn, Bobby, Gregory, Bill, Ryan, David R., Bradley, Ron, Bruce, Tom, Mick, Curtis, JT and Mikal for their support, and everyone who has taken the time to follow this story, I really appreciate you all.
Sincerest thanks to Nifty and all of the wonderful participants who make this site possible, from the generous donors to the archivists and administrators, you all are truly appreciated.
Last but not least, thanks to the editor, Raziya, for all of the wonderful work.
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