Sleepy Days, Come No More
Chapter 51
"Matty." Blake said after he finished the soda we were sharing.
"Blake." I replied with a smile.
"You never told me what happened between you and Adrian." He said.
"We got married and then we got divorced." I said with a laugh.
"Seriously." He said firmly.
"Okay, we're being 100 percent honest, right? No matter what?" I asked.
"Yeah." He affirmed.
"Okay." I said.
"Okay." He repeated.
"It just didn't work out. It wasn't the happily ever after that I thought I wanted." I said.
"Is there more than one happily ever after?" He asked.
"What do you mean?" I inquired.
"You said that it wasn't `the' happily ever after you thought you wanted, as in there is more than one type." He clarified.
"Oh, well, I guess there are many different ways to get the happily ever after - well, there is no real happily ever after, but everyone has their own set of needs, things that will be most conducive to a happyish life. So maybe there isn't necessarily multiple happily ever afters per person, but um, different criteria for every person to be able to accomplish it . . . . . . . I don't know if I am explaining this well." I laughed.
"I think I understand, you are saying that everyone has particular needs that have to be met so they can get near that `happyish' place." He said.
"Yeah." I said.
"So what is `happyish' exactly?" He asked.
"You know, no one can really maintain that extreme level of happiness - where everything is perfect, happyish just means being happy or as close to it as possible for the majority of the time." I informed.
"That's cute." He said.
"Glad you think it is cute rather than ridiculous." I confessed. "I thought that Adrian would be good for me, he was the kind of man I always thought I would end up with. Someone who was somewhat older and accomplished. He was handsome and sophisticated. He wanted to have a family and he wanted to take care of me.
We had a lot in common; he was very serious and focused. He had everything all planned out and it made me feel safe. We bought the house that I always wanted, we did the things that I always wanted to do - dinner parties, theater dates, and so forth. I had everything - everything that I thought was important." I explained.
"So what went wrong?" He asked.
"He worked all the time. I worked all the time. When we weren't working we were going to some event - always busy with one thing or another, never anytime to ourselves and the few times we had alone we behaved like, well, not like lovers, more like colleagues - or student/professor.
I really admire and respect Adrian. He is a brilliant psychiatrist. He taught me a lot and was always very encouraging to me; I know he would be a faithful and supportive partner but . . . . . . . . we were so much alike, too much alike. Everything was always ordered and scheduled, everything. That is what I thought I wanted but it was so - suffocating." I said with a chuckle.
Blake chuckled a bit too.
"I knew the first few months that it wasn't what I thought it would be but I figured that I just needed time to adjust and I told myself that I was lucky to have such a great life. Beautiful house, great husband, terrific job - it's what the American dream is all about.
Adrian is a very ambitious man and he had certain expectations, he wanted to put forth the right image of homosexuality - like a gay nuclear family." I paused and I slightly raised my head from his chest to glance up at his face, I smiled and then returned my head to its previous position. "What are you thinking?" I asked.
"Nothing, I'm just listening." He said.
"Is this bothering you?" I inquired.
"Not really, I mean I just never liked the idea of you being with someone else." He confessed with a laugh.
"No shit." I said with a chuckle. "That is another thing, I hated the idea of you being someone else or even thinking that you could have feelings for someone else - honestly, I was ashamed of feeling like that it seems so petty or small, but that's how I feel about you. Adrian knew that I loved you and it didn't really bother him and I don't think that I liked that." I confessed.
"You were disappointed that he wasn't jealous of our relationship? You are such a flake." He said as he playfully ruffled my hair.
"I am not proud of it, but yes. God, the truth is I probably wouldn't have been so upset if he had feelings for someone else either." I paused. "Remember I told you about Chuck? About him having an overdose?" I inquired.
"Yeah, I remember." He answered.
"Well, when I found out, the first person I thought to call was you. I had literally started to dial your number, when I caught myself. The person I should have been calling was Adrian, my husband but the first thought was you." I informed.
"Well, you can't help that - there could be a number of reasons why you thought of me first." He said.
"When I returned home I tried to put it out of my mind and just get back to normal. I even spoke to Adrian about what happened and he said that it wasn't a huge issue, that it was only an impulse. I knew that wasn't the truth. The truth was I loved you in a way that I never loved Adrian.
Things really got tense when I took the job at Horizons. Since I was the Director of Nursing I had more responsibility and was on call at various times of the year for weeks at a time. That wasn't part of the plan and it sort of brought things to a head after a while. The irony is I wouldn't have gotten the job if it weren't for a friend I met through Adrian." I said.
"I see." He commented.
"What about you? Certainly you have been with some other guys; I mean you can only teach for so many hours a day." I said.
"There were a couple of guys, nothing too serious." He said.
"What isn't `too serious'?" I inquired as I caressed the hair on his chest with my finger tips.
"I wasn't really ready to get into any serious relationships. I went to Peru to do something special and to find some peace. I really enjoy it there. I met a nice guy named Mario during my second year there. He wasn't a native but he had lived there for a while and we talked quite a bit. Nothing really happened between us at first, I just wasn't interested but after sometime we had a brief affair, no attachment just fun.
Then I met a native, a cute young guy named Lucas, I called him Luca. He was very sweet and kind of shy. His apartment was across from mine and one day I found him looking at me and I wasn't dressed. He looked mortified, I thought it was cute.
He was quite a bit younger than me but I cared for him a lot. Really like a little brother at first but he had a bit of a crush on me and after time it was mutual. We had and exploratory relationship for six months. It was fun but I wasn't ready to make any type of relationship commitment to him and he eventually found someone else who was better suited for his needs. We still talk; he is still like a little brother to me." Blake informed.
We talked until one of us fell asleep, I don't remember which, and I just know the sun was out.
As planned I returned home the next day and was totally sleep deprived. Blake called to see if I had made it home safely and we ended up talking for hours, from that point forward we talked on a daily basis. We talked about everything from the day to day to politics and personal feelings. Despite our sexual encounter our conversations were initially platonic but over time they became tinged with flirtation.
That summer Blake came to town for a visit and we decided he should stay with me. I had to work late that day so Rico picked him up from the airport and took him over to my place. Vanessa and Rico were throwing a party for Blake that night at a local club; I went straight there after work.
I was actually nervous about seeing him. I don't really understand why I was so nervous but I was. When I arrived the place was already pretty full, not everyone was there for the party but the majority were. I stood along the outskirts of the club and searched out Vanessa. Once I found her I went over to greet her.
"Hey." I said with a smile.
"Hey." She replied in an upbeat tone.
"Nice turn out." I acknowledged.
"Yeah, I expected you sooner." She said.
"There was a situation at the hospital and I it lasted longer than anticipated." I informed.
"I thought that." She replied with a nod.
"And . . . . . well, I was a bit nervous too." I confessed.
"I thought that too." She laughed.
I smiled bashfully, "Where is he?" I asked.
"He is playing pool." She answered.
"Where are the pool tables?" I inquired.
She turned to her right and looked toward the other side of the room, "Through that archway." She said.
"How is he?" I asked.
"He is fine. Why do you seem so tense?" She asked.
"I don't know, it just has been a while. Gosh, I feel like such a freaking idiot!" I sighed. "Here I am going on about nothing; I bet he isn't even nervous at all." I said, though I hoped I was wrong.
"He asked about you, seemed pretty excited to me." She informed.
I bite my lower lip attempting to prevent a smile, "Really." I said softly.
"What's wrong with you? You talk to him every day." She said.
"I know, but um, talking on the phone or over the net is different than being in person." I explained.
She laughed, "You're thinking about what might happen tonight, that's what the nerves are about." She observed.
I blushed, "Vanessa." I said with a smile.
"That's it right, I can see all over your face." She informed.
"I have been thinking about since Chicago and now with him here - I don't want to be too forward though. We agreed that the night in Chicago was an isolated event - no strings." I reminded.
"But clearly you want it to recur." She said.
"I have done all the physical preparation and if the opportunity arises, then I will meet it head on." I responded.
"Lots of pun, arise' and head on'." She laughed.
"I am just so frickin' nervous, it's ridiculous!" I exclaimed.
"You should relax, fix yourself a plate, you know some of these people." She encouraged.
I took her advice and went over to the buffet that was set up. There were sandwiches, hot wings and other party foods. I sat at a table with a few people that I knew and made small talk. It was actually very nice and gave me the chance to relax.
Shortly after I went to the pool room to seek Blake but I couldn't find him. As I was exiting the room I bumped into an acquaintance of mine that I hadn't seen in some time. He wasn't there for Blake's party; he had just stopped in to have a drink with a couple of his friends.
We stood near the exit of the room and talked for a few minutes, when suddenly I felt someone walking toward me, I just thought it was someone passing by but suddenly there was a body behind me, followed by an arm around my chest pulling me into an embrace.
Initially I was startled and resisted, but then I recognized the scent, I knew it was Blake.
"Hello, Mr. Greene." Blake whispered.
"Hello, Mr. Mitchell. Walter this is my friend Blake, Blake this is Walter." I introduced.
"Hey Walter." Blake said and extended his other arm for a handshake.
Walter shook Blake's hand and we talked for a couple more minutes but then he excused himself. I think he realized that Blake and I wanted to talk.
"Okay, let me go." I instructed.
"Make me!" He implored with a giggle.
"Stop! Let me see you." I said with excitement.
He released me and I turned around to face him. He looked a little weary from a long day but he looked so handsome. He had grown a beard and his long hair was pulled back into a ponytail. He smiled at me and I was a bit beside myself, I was really happy to see him.
"So, how are you?" I asked with a smile.
"I'm fine. How are you?" He asked.
"I'm fine." I said maintaining my smile.
I smiled, "So, how was your trip?" I asked.
"It was as pleasant as it could be." He responded.
"With the recent storms I thought you might have had some delays." I commented.
"No, everything went according to schedule." He said.
"You make it out to the house?" I asked.
"Yeah, nice." He replied.
"Good." I said with a smile.
"How long have you been here?" He asked.
"About twenty minutes or so." I answered.
"Why didn't you come and find me or text me? You know I have been waiting to see you." He said with a broad smile.
"I . . . . . I was nervous." I admitted with a chuckle and brought a hand to my brow.
He pulled my hand away from my face and stepped into me, "I was too." He confessed.
"You enjoying yourself, seeing all your friends?" I asked.
"Yeah, I have missed a lot of people." He said.
"I'm sure a lot of people have missed you too." I added.
"Are you one of those people?" He asked with a smile.
"First on the list by a landslide." I said.
"Kiss." He said as he leaned down and puckered his lips. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. It was very nice, soft and short. "How long are you staying?" He asked.
"Until you're ready to leave." I responded.
"I wouldn't mind leaving now but I better hang around, don't want to be a jerk." He explained.
"No hurry, we have plenty of time." I assured.
"I have missed you." He informed.
"I have missed you too." I confessed. "I am so happy that you are here, you look so handsome." I gushed.
He blushed and smiled, "You look hot!" He said with a grin.
"You're blushing, have I embarrassed you? You are a bit old for that Mr. Mitchell." I teased.
"And you were just being so nice." He countered.
"I am sorry, I will be good." I said.
"You better be." He replied.
"Blake." Someone called from across the room.
"Hey." Blake shouted back.
"Stop the sweet talk it's time to get your ass whipped!" The guy goaded.
"Ha, not by you chump." Blake laughed.
"Go on." I encouraged.
"I don't have to." He said.
"I don't want to monopolize you, I'm sure that your friends want to spend time with you too. Go ahead; I am going to find Vanessa." I said.
"Okay." He said and leaned inward toward me and breathing his warm breath on my face. It sent tingles down my spine, and then he turned and walked away. I watched him for a while before heading over to Vanessa.
The party went on until late that night. After the party Blake and I headed back to the townhouse. I noticed his luggage was sitting by the door.
"You didn't unpack or take your luggage to your room?" I asked, though the answer was obvious.
"Yeah, I was in a rush and I didn't know where you wanted me. I saw that that there three rooms upstairs, well two upstairs, not counting the office and the one down here. I didn't know which to take." He said.
"It doesn't matter, the one down here is nearly as large as the master and it has a bathroom and a large closet, so it would be very comfortable for you." I said.
"Yeah, it's nice." He said.
"Yeah." I agreed.
"What about upstairs?" He asked.
"Well, there's my room and the office . . . . Michael's room, but I don't think he would mind you using it. Unless you wanted to stay in my room, I mean we have been flirting but we haven't said what we were going to do." I said.
He just gave me this sexy smirk. "Okay, Mr. Mitchell." I said and led the way to my bedroom.
We were both so tired that we didn't do anything, perhaps it was a mixture of exhaustion and nerves. Blake was nearly instantly asleep. I was very tired but I remained awake for a while longer, just wanted to look at him, to take it all in - to try and absorb the reality.
The next day we didn't wake till noon, we both had enough energy to do what we couldn't the night before. It started with a sweet little kiss and ended with us in a sweaty-breathless heap. It was great being with him again. Once we were able to catch our breath and the room stopped spinning we showered and he cooked lunch.
We didn't do much at all for the next two days. We didn't even get dressed. We walked about the house in our underwear and just spent time together: playing cards, watching movies and talking. Saturday night we just cuddled in bed and Sunday we made love again.
Monday the work week restarted for me but I did everything possible to get home early so I could be with Blake. I enjoyed coming home to him and he seemed to enjoy being with me too. Thomas and Marie came over for dinner Friday night.
"So, how are the children?" Blake asked.
"They are doing very well. Madalyn really is learning to read and Carolyn is walking and getting to all sorts of things." Marie gushed.
"That is great, especially Madalyn reading, that is really good." Blake said.
"Well, it isn't Dostoyevsky but it is quite impressive." Thomas agreed.
"And both of the girls love blocks." Marie said with a smile.
"So you have really taken to motherhood?" Blake asked.
"It's been amazing for me. I really love my children and they are always growing and learning so fast, it's really the best experience to be there with them. But you understand that Blake, being a teacher." Marie informed.
"I know how it is to be present when a child finally gets it, when a concept that was once foreign to them is comprehended and that is a powerful experience, but I imagine it is even more compelling as a parent and being with them all the time." Blake replied.
"We loved the photos that you sent from Peru." Thomas joined in.
"Yeah, they were beautiful pictures." Marie agreed.
"I thought you guys might get a kick out of the aquatic shots." Blake said with a smile.
"So how long are you going to be here? I would like to get together for some drinks and pool." Thomas said.
"Yeah, we could definitely do that. I don't know how long I am going to be here, I am not going back to Peru until the end of the summer, so I guess it depends on how my host feels about me." Blake said with a laugh.
"We're on a week to week basis." I joked.
"That's better than I thought, I was under the impression it was night to night." Blake said with a smirk.
His comment drew a bout of laughter.
"But seriously, I have concrete plans. I am enjoying my time here and actually I have started doing some small repair jobs around the house this week. I even think I could finish the basement before the summer is over." Blake informed.
"You think you can manage to complete the basement on your own?" Thomas inquired.
"I know I can finish a lot of the work myself, it would be helpful to have help on the major points, but I have friends in construction." Blake said.
"I didn't know that you were considering that." I responded.
"Well, you mentioned that you wanted to get around to it eventually, I don't have anything to do." Blake explained.
"Oh, well we can talk about it later. I was just a bit surprised." I confessed.
"Yeah, I will need to know what type of materials you want used as well as the general layout." Blake said.
"So it sounds like you will be here for the remainder of the summer." Thomas observed.
"That is definitely a possibility." Blake said with a smile.
The conversation continued and moved on to political philosophy, a topic that seemingly has no end with Blake and Thomas. I always find it intriguing to discuss things that really have no definite answer but after awhile it just losses my interest.
At one point Marie and I managed to be alone for a few moments and she took the time to say a few things.
"It must be great to have Blake here." Marie said.
"Okay." I replied.
"That's your response?" She asked.
"Yes, it is, because I know where you are going with this." I replied.
"I hope you know what you're doing babe, he may be staying for the summer but summer only lasts so long." She said.
"Thanks for that." I replied sarcastically.
"I have always been fond of Blake but I just want you to beware." She said.
Blake started working on the basement during the day while I was at work and we spent the evenings together. We were closer than we had ever been before. Our relationship had reached a calm point, there was just not as much effort required as before.
Once the summer was over Blake went back to Peru with the promise of returning that winter. We continued to talk on a daily basis. We never said that we were back together but we were back together, from that first night on.
Appreciation:
Special thanks to Oscar, Lou, Arch, Clayton, Jake, Ed, Adolfo, Khalid, Gary, Lucas, Vern, John, Lance, Oz, Dudung, Alan, Terry, Rogue, Jerry, Paul, Greg, John J., Harold, Kim, Small, Barry, Michael B., Cameron, David S., Randy, Liam, Byron, Kris, Bryan, Fred, Leslie, Greg S., Chris, Tomaz, David, Alex, Tony, Jerry L., Emmanuel, Lulu, Joseph, Bruce, Peter M., Andrew, Matlock, Shawn, Bobby, Brissie, Dale, Gregory, Bill, Ryan, David R., Bradley, Jamie K., Haldon, Dave, B. L. M., Ron, Bruce, Tom, Mick, Curtis, JT and Mikal for their support, and everyone who has taken the time to follow this story, I really appreciate you all.
Sincerest thanks to Nifty and all of the wonderful participants who make this site possible, from the generous donors to the archivists and administrators, you all are truly appreciated.
Last but not least, thanks to the editor, Raziya, for all of the wonderful work.
Let Me Know:
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