Sneak Away Chapter 1
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"Sneak Away (Part One)"
Adler Prince...
I didn't even know that he was going to be here tonight. In fact, I barely knew him at all, outside of him being a super cute face that I occasionally passed in the hallway on the way to my eighth grade Algebra and Language Arts classes.
I mean...I always wanted to know him, and...for some odd reason, the way our eyes connected whenever we passed one another, it truly felt like he wanted to know me too. In fact, the first time his eyes met mine in front of my school locker, I nearly fainted from the overwhelming swoon that he caused to put an unexpected choke hold on my boyhood emotions. Jesus Christ! I can't quite describe it, but there was this perpetual tingly sensation that he stirred within me that had become too addictive to ignore after our first field trip to the Chicago Art Museum on some random Tuesday in the Spring. We were riding on the bus together, sure...but so were all of our other classmates. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal. And yet, for some reason, whenever he looked at me with those dark honey brown orbs of his, he made me feel as though I was the only person in existence. The only one that he cared to notice, anyway. And, as much as I tried to deny it...he was the only other boy on that bus that mattered to me too.
There's something truly special about that kind of instant connection. There's no substitute for a feeling like that. And there never will be.
I did some research online, making sure to clear my entire history every single time to keep from being caught...and it said that some boys can spend a decent amount of time being...you know...confused about their sexuality at my age. Hormones and stuff, right? That's science talking. It doesn't mean that it has to be a permanent declaration of who I am and who I plan to be in the future. It's not set in stone. I might experiment a bit and then just shrug it off and go back to being a normal straight boy in a week or two, for all I know. Boys are CUTE! It's ok if I notice that, isn't it? I'm just...I feel like I'm secure enough in my manhood to be able to admit that other boys are sexy sometimes. NOT out loud where anybody else can hear me! Just, like...to myself, or whatever. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And even if there was...who's in charge of the rules and restrictions concerning that? You know?
It's ok to think that Jacob Tremblay is getting hotter and hotter by the day. Girls notice that stuff, so why can't I? Right? And who wouldn't drop to their knees in front of Stefan Benz if he yanked his pants down and asked me to pleasure him until he involuntarily erupted with an erotic torrent of hot, body fevered, cum until I had to fight to swallow it all down for fear of missing a drop??? Even straight guys would find it hard to turn down something that friggin' hot! So, I'm ok, right? I'm ok. It's just a phase. I might grow out of it, and I'll be glad that I didn't make some big mistake with another boy before figuring myself out.
But this one boy...he makes it soooo hard sometimes to give my deepest cravings a shot. Maybe even a couple of shots. Hehehe!
Sorry, but for this one boy...he makes ME so hard! But it's just an automatic response to a collection of lingering feelings from the very battle of confusion that I was dealing with in the first place. Right? So, I mean...does that even count? I don't think that counts.
Anyway, it was Steven's birthday party, and his big sister had moved out and gone off to college months ago. We were all so used to her being our chaperone and forcing us to behave ourselves that her absence this year kind of felt like a part of the party was missing. How crazy is that? Seriously. Still...we enjoyed the liberty of having the whole basement to ourselves. There was maybe fifteen to twenty people there, both boys and girls, but it's not like we were a rowdy bunch of kids or anything. In fact, Steven's parents didn't even do much to monitor our behavior, because they knew that we weren't going to be guzzling alcohol or screwing any of the girls naked on the basement couch. At most, they might tell us to turn the music down a little bit...but that was it. When I showed up to the house, it looked like his parents were having a few glasses of White Merlot wine in the living room and they didn't seem all that concerned with our activities at all. Weird.
I'm wondering if I should have been insulted or not. How do they know that I didn't show up with a big bag of cocaine or something? You know? I'm not that much of an angel.
Whatever. All I know is that I came out to help my friend Steven celebrate his 14th birthday...and the first thing I see when I go down into his basement was Adler Prince. And it's, like...April...so he's wearing these really cool black and gray camouflage shorts and black sneakers. Showing off those smooth legs and sexy calves of his as though it was normal, and that anybody could possibly match the visual appeal of his unfathomable attraction status in a world full of boys who fall so short of his effortless, mouthwatering, allure.
From dark brown hair, to slender waist, to his knees and ankles...everything about Adler was desire incarnate. The idea of a total dream boy defined in flesh. I really was trying hard not to stare at him like some kind of a psycho during the party, but I simply couldn't help myself. My eyes continued to roam all over the room again and again until I was able to find him again. To see him smile. To find out who he was talking to. To just...absorb his aura from a different angle that I might have missed out on beforehand. See...Adler and I don't have any classes together. And except for Steven, we don't have any friends in common. We don't even run in the same circles online where I might be able to approach him and maybe get to know him a little better. I mean...I try to put myself out there in a way where I seem available for him to make the first move and talk to me first...but when does that ever work? Honestly.
So...we were basically strangers to one another. And that tormented something awful, now that we were both in the same place at the same time. This would have been the perfect time for us to have had at least a casual relationship and a brief history with one another to build off of. FUCK! Why didn't I try harder to at least attempt to meet him and talk to him as a friend before now? It's too fuckin' LATE to do it now! God, I suck!
I guess Adler has some classes with Steven...but I didn't know that ahead of time. Steven doesn't notice him the way that I notice him. But he did the right thing and at least got to know him well enough to invite him to his birthday party. I mean, Steven's nowhere close to being gay. If anything, he's pretty `girl crazy'...to the point where it gets to be kind of annoying sometimes these days. Always talking about breasts and hot asses and...ugh! We go to the mall sometimes on the weekends, and he's soooo distracted by girls that it almost makes me sick to my stomach. Why is he so fucking desperate all the time? You know? It's like...calm the fuck down and control yourself, for God's sake! I don't know how he's not embarrassed by how silly he looks chasing after girls the way he does.
Then again...when it comes to Adler...am I all that different? My own hypocrisy says...that's different. Yeah...totally different.
There was, honestly, a time when I thought...well...I had a full blown crush on him, and then that I was madly in love with him, ok? I can admit that now, even though I did everything that I could to deny that it was happening. I mean, we met when we were only ten years old, and I just remember being completely mesmerized by him in every possible way before we even spoke a single word to one another. I don't think I truly understood what I was feeling at that particular time, but I distinctly remember telling myself that I wanted soooo badly to be his friend!
Listen...take notes, youngsters...nobody obsesses over wanting to be someone's 'friend'. Not the way that I did. I wanted Adler naked and rolling over on top of me while we kissed our faces off! THAT'S what I really wanted. I was just too young to realize it for what it was at the time. That's all. And that's when things got awkward.
All that time that I could have spent getting closer to Adler and figuring out who he was as the beautiful person that I made him out to be...I wasted it getting more and more terrified of his very presence until I reached the point of even talking to him in the hallway at school was too much for my young infatuated heart to take. He was SCARY, ok??? Adler was, like...too good to be true! He really was! How does he just walk around with all of that free beauty to give away to the rest of the world, and not expecting me to notice? Geez!
All that aside...it didn't take Steven long for him to start noticing girls and ranting and raving about them nonstop...to the point where my heart just had to disconnect from Steven entirely to keep from being torn apart over and over again like some kind of hellish torment, designed by the devil himself. I kind of liked him, you know? Us being friends and all...it was just natural for me to develop some feelings for him at some point. We all do that, don't we? When it comes to those first few feelings of `connection' with someone that we care about? I don't know...maybe it's just me. But with Steven, the longing for his affection was temporary. Barely lasted more than a month or two. And...it felt like it took a long time to come to terms with it all, but it wasn't that long at all. And I eventually let him go. It's ok. There are more super cute boys where Steven came from.
And that's kind of what has gotten me so stuck in my current situation. In a major way. Because even with all of my self training when it comes to mental disconnection and emotional evasion...it didn't seem to work on 'him'. Like...at all. And I was left in a puzzled state of mind that didn't allow me to enjoy Steven's birthday party tonight the way I had expected to.
Adler broke all the rules...and my heart felt like it was being squeezed and crushed in the middle.
"Hey, Seth..." Someone said as I used a ladle to fill up one of my plastic cups with some of Steven's fizzy punch. And I felt myself getting weak in the knees again as I turned to see Adler talking directly to me as though that was a normal thing that happens in life. I mean...I wanted to CRY! Why the hell did I feel like crying???
"You...ummm...I'm sorry. Did you want some punch? Am I in the way?" I said, trying to get enough breath to speak as my chest shrank to one third its regular size and I found myself fighting for enough oxygen to at least stay conscious if nothing else.
"Oh...yeah. Sure." He said, and he started to fill his cup up, and got some flavored chips too. "Well, ok then. I'll...I mean, seeya..." He said, and bashfully walked away from me without me saying ANYTHING to keep him talking to me at all! What the hell did I just do??? Or...like...NOT do? He was trying to make conversation you fucking doofus? Oh God! I'm so goddamn STUPID!!!
Wait...did he call me Seth? He knows my name? Adler Prince called me by name!
I watched him walk through our little crowd of friends and sit down on the basement couch to munch and crunch on a few snacks...and the urge to stare at him with a boyish hunger that you really have to be my age to truly understand. It's not like he was doing anything to be deliberately seductive or anything...but to me, he was the sexiest thing on the planet. He sat down on that couch and his legs were spread, and I couldn't help but to imagine him completely naked, with my face nuzzled in his warm goodies while he moaned my name out loud and ran his fingers through my hair. The idea of licking and sucking his balls became an instant obsession for me. Giving him an indescribable amount of sensual boyish pleasure, having the soft wrinkles of his warm and fertile sack delight my excited tongue as his erotic flavor filled my mouth with a naughty flavor that I'd never be able to describe to someone who hasn't tasted it for themselves. Oh my God...the utter magic of him would bring me so much joy that I doubt my hyper endorphins would be able to handle it all.
Even now, as Adler's eyes glanced up to meet my own in that briefer than brief, special, moment...I found myself full of so many chills and goosebumps that I felt the need to look away and move to a part of the party that would provide me a few isolated minutes to collect myself. It was too much. I swear...it was WAY too much!
"Seth? What's up? You ok, bro?" Steven asked me, putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I said. "Why? Don't I look ok?"
"You did a bit earlier, but now you seem a bit off. Hang out with us, man. Have some fun. What's the deal with you being over here in a corner by yourself?"
"I'm having fun. I just...I'm chilling. That's all." I said.
"Chilling? Hehehe, ok Mr. Chill! Well, we're going to start the movie in a couple of minutes. So, I mean...we can have some fun screaming and jumping over a lame horror movie. Just like we used to do back when we were having sleepovers and shit. You remember that?"
I giggled. "Yeah. I definitely remember that. Thinking back, those flicks were SO damn awful! But they were totally worth it. Every last one of them!"
Just as I was starting to feel a bit of comfort for even being at this party with Steven and his friends from school...Adler walked up to us, and he started talking. Causing me to tense up all over again and completely lose my ability to speak. JESUS, he was beautiful!!!
"S'up?" He said, looking over at me more than he was at Steven.
"What's going on, man?" Steven said, giving him a sturdy handshake and a pat on the back. It almost made me jealous to know that he could just `touch' him like that and not feel weird about it. I'd give ANYTHING to have that level of privilege when it came to one of the cutest boys to ever be born on Earth! Ahhhhh!!!
He nodded in my direction with a slightly tilted smirk, and I had to fight to keep from melting into a pile of goop right there in my shoes. "Hi..." I mumbled breathlessly.
"Oh, my bad! Adler, this is one of my best friends ever, dude! This is Seth! He's cool. Seth, this is Adler. He's awesome." Steven said, and I found myself silently gasping for breath. Omigod, omigod, omigod....is it really that easy to just be introduced to a true angel on Earth like that? It doesn't seem like it should be this simple.
"Ummm...hi, Adler..." I said, afraid to reach my hand out for fear that my guaranteed soggy, limp noodle, handshake would turn him off immediately if I dared to force him to bear it.
We didn't make any physical contact at all, but Adler gave me this hint of a smile and it was enough to get me feeling so weak in the knees that I turned my head towards the couch to see if I could get myself a place to sit down and possibly keep my dizzy and disoriented perspective on life itself to get anchor myself back to some sense of reality. It wasn't easy. Trust me.
"Hey, you guys find a spot. I'm gonna start the first movie soon! They might end up just being a couple of cheesy horror flicks, but if nothing else, we'll have a few giggles. Right?" Steven said, and he gave us both a pat on the shoulder before walking off to mingle with a few more of his guests to get them ready to settle in with the rest of us.
And that left me and Adler standing there, side by side...feeling a bit awkward and trying to ignore the extreme cone of utter silence that had suddenly fallen over us. I mean...every second felt like an eternity all its own to me. Trying to avoid his eyes, hoping to keep my breath steady enough to say something to him...you know, once I was brave enough to come up with something to say. I fidgeted a bit, shifting from one foot to the other...and Adler kind of looked at me out of the corner of his eye, and when I looked back at him, he quickly turned away. But then he forced himself to make eye contact again, which made me feel all wiggly and weird inside. So I giggled involuntarily, and he smiled in response. It kind of felt like we were flirting, but I'm not all that familiar with flirting to tell if that's what it was or not. Give me a break. I'm just now learning this stuff for the first time. It feels kind of cool though. It kind of tickles, to be honest. Hehehe...right there, in the center of my stomach.
"Well...I guess I'm gonna just...find a place to get comfy for the movie..." Adler said, a slight blush coloring his cheeks in the cutest way imaginable. Oh my god, he was so friggin' CUTE! It almost hurt to look at him, you know?
"M'kay..." I said, wishing that I had something intelligent enough to say to keep him standing there for another minute or two. Just so I could find a way to be even remotely comfortable talking to him, face to face like this, at all. "I'll...I mean...I guess I will too. In a minute."
"Cool." He replied. "Well...I think I'll probably chill on the couch then."
"Oh yeah. Sure. That sounds...comfy. Maybe I'll go and chill on the couch too."
"Cool." He said.
"Cool." I said.
"Yeah. Very cool. Ok then. Well...bye." Wait, did he say `bye'? Does he mean...? Did I say something to scare him off? Or can we, like...sit together...or...? Ugh! Does this get easier when you get older? Because when you're thirteen...everything about this just sucks! Exciting, yes...but it sucks just the same.
I'm really going to have to get better at this sort of thing if I ever have any hopes of getting myself an actual boyfriend someday.
Not Adler though. He seems a bit out of my league...
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