Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction and involves romance/sex between male teenagers. If this offends you, or is illegal in your country or state/province, do not read any further.
Any comments and/or constructive criticism can be sent to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com Copyright(c) 2003 All rights reserved.
So This Is The World - Chapter 1 by matt417
Self-absorption. War. Terrorism. Racism. Homophobia. Discrimination. Anger. Retaliation. Propaganda. Lies. Self-interest. Helplessness. Blindness. Paranoia. Fear. Blame. Money. Capitalism. Competition. Wealth. Poverty. Winner. Loser. Class. Image. Reputation. Pride. Inequality. Misunderstanding. Division. Power. Justification. Stereotypes. Crime. Hypocriticism. Media. Bias. Strategy. Advantage. Disadvantage. Scandal. Murder. Suffering. Trauma. Loss. Misery. Hate.
<Police have arrested a 22-year old black male...> <Studies show that 50% of teens are addicted to marijuana.> <... is a major part of President Bush's axis of evil...> <God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, says...> <North Korea's nuclear program to be discussed in upcoming summit...> <Divorce rate now at nearly 50%, compared to...> <1 out of 5 teens are involved in casual unprotected sex, studies show...> <Priest sexually abuses 9-year old male, according to...> <...the product is clinically proven to be a natural solution to slim down in just 2-3 weeks...> <Homosexuality is a chosen trait, preacher says...> <452 dead after bombing in...> <More than 2 billion living on less than $2 a day, according to UNICEF...> <U.S. billionaire buys $420 million dollar mansion...> <Mothers cover their childrens' eyes as nude men march down Yonge St. in preparation for this weekend's Pride Parade...> <6-year old boy kills sister with handgun...> <16-year old student shoots principal and three teachers after...>
This is the world. Danger is all around us. Trust no one because you never know what could happen. Your neighbour could be a terrorist. Your best friend could be a faggot. Your black classmate could steal your knapsack. The guy you have a crush on could beat you up after school. Your girlfriend could be cheating on you. Your parents could've had you by mistake. Your whole life could be a mistake. So how can you trust anyone?
I never trusted anyone. My mom had me when she was 17. My dad, who was 18, couldn't handle the responsibility, so he left my mom even before I was born. My mom's parents wouldn't allow her to go through with an abortion or even an adoption, so she tried to raise me. She gave up when I was five years old. She drove me to the gas station one day, told me to wait in the car as she filled up the tank. She went to pay for the gas, but she never came back. I waited and waited, but Mommy never came back.
I lived with my grandmother for a year, but she passed away. The only family I had left was my Aunt Rachel. She was 18 when I moved in with her. She wasn't very happy about it, but who would be? I was 6 years old, and she was 18. It was written in my grandmother's will that Aunt Rachel was to take me into her custody. Though she didn't like it, she did take me in. Rachel was, and still is, a drug addict. She would come home at night completely fucked up, throwing things around the little townhouse, smashing plates, breaking glasses, and sometimes bringing guys home with her.
Needless to say, she didn't help me out very much. I had to learn to be independent. I raised myself to be self-reliant and creative in order to get by. If I wanted food, I had to go out and find it somehow. If I needed anything, I had to do it myself.
By the time I was 16, I didn't have many friends. Why? Firstly, I didn't know how to trust anyone. Secondly, no one could ever fully understand me. Plus, I never had to rely on anyone else, I never needed anyone else to survive, so why would I need a friend?
In the past, I'd had friends but none of my friendships lasted very long. Either my friends' parents would disapprove of me because of my background, or they would just give up on me because they couldn't understand my situation.
"You know, your house is boring. There's nothing to do here. You don't even have Super Nintendo. EVERYONE has Super Nintendo. Why don't you have it? And why won't your mom take us bowling? I don't think I've even seen her. And where's your dad? I've never seen him either. How come you can't come to Wonderland with us? I said my dad could drive us. And it's only $40 to get in."
That was the typical reaction that my friends had towards me when I was a kid.
Since I didn't want to be around people like that, I became comfortable with myself. Plus, once I got into high school, I didn't have the time to make friends other than in school. Whenever I wasn't in school, I was working.
The school that I go to is in a pretty decent neighbourhood. I, on the other hand, live in a poor area. So to me, most of the people I saw were spoiled, selfish little pigs who never deserved anything that they owned. Anything they wanted was given to them. I certainly didn't need friends like that. The kids from my area (not a good one) that went to my school were stoners and were stupid enough to spend their money on drugs. That left me alone. I didn't mind being alone since I was used to being alone all my life. Sure, some people liked me, and I tried to be friendly, but I didn't seek any friendships with them. Once they saw how little I could offer them, they would leave me just like everyone else I'd ever known in my entire life.
Though I didn't have any friends, I did have acquaintances. I'd only talk to them in school, but only rarely did we talk about personal things. No one knew about my conditions at home. No one really knew who I was. I was just there, and no one really cared. That's just how I liked it.
<"Would Mike Davis please come down to the main office after this period?"> The secretary asked over the P.A. system.
"Yes, thankyou." the teacher said.
<"Have a nice day,"> said the secretary.
"Did you hear that, Mike?" asked the teacher.
"Yeah, I got it." I said.
Yeah, that's me. Mike. You can tell my mom didn't use much brain power coming up with that name. It was Tuesday, third period. I had lunch the next period, but I went down to the office to see what they wanted me for.
I went down after class and told the secretary at the front desk that I'd been called down.
"Student number?" she asked.
"31225448. Pass FHXvyV." I said.
I always felt so insignificant whenever I had to be referred to as a number and password.
"Sit down and wait, please." she told me.
I did sit and wait. I waited for about 15 minutes until I decided to just leave. If it was important, they'd have gotten to me right away. Just as I was about to step out the door, Mr. Smith, our principal, called out my name.
"Mike! Mike Davis. Just the man I was looking for. Sorry we made you wait, I was just taking care of some official business."
This was highly irregular for me. I'd never spoken to the principal before. He was kind of a behind-the-scenes guy, like the director of a movie.
"What's this all about?" I asked.
"Well... I think we should have a little chat in my office. Come, follow me."
I followed him suspiciously into his office and took a seat in one of the chairs.
"I'll get right to the point, Mr. Davis."
He paused.
"I've had several reports from staff and students that... well, you're having a hard time finding friends." he said.
"That's not true. What makes you think I want any?" I said back, almost angrily.
"Well, Mike, we all need friends. I've heard that you just push away anyone who tries to be there for you. As you know, this school is a very friendly place. We have high standards for our students, we have excellent athletics programs and arts programs where you could meet lots of people."
"Look, I don't need any help finding friends."
"Mr. Davis, this is for your own benefit. Teachers have told me that you keep to yourself most of the time, and that you participate very rarely in class. To be honest, the teachers think you're in a state of depression. It seems quite clear to them."
"This is completely stupid! I'm not depressed. And I don't need anyone else." I stated firmly.
"The first step is to admit that you're depressed and accept whatever's bothering you."
"What?? This is ridiculous. Who the fuck's been telling you this?" I yelled.
"Mr. Davis, we're trying to help you. And don't think you can use that kind of language and get away with it just because you're depressed!"
"But I'm not! That's what I'm trying to tell you!"
"Mike, just calm down. There's someone here to help you." Mr. Smith said.
"No way, I'm not seeing a shrink."
Mr. Smith pressed a button on his phone and told the secretary to have 'Mr. Miller' come in.
"I can't afford a shrink," I said.
"You don't need to," Mr. Smith said smiling.
The door opened, and Mr. Miller came in... except Mr. Miller was a student. Ethan Miller, if I remember correctly.
"Hey Mike, I'm Ethan."
"Hey..." I said.
I didn't know Ethan too well. I'd been in some classes with him in the past, but we'd never actually talked before.
"Mike, Ethan will be your friend. He'll help you get around your problems. He's part of the school's trauma team, and also plays defense on the school's basketball team."
"Hey Mike, don't worry about a thing. You don't have to be worried or nervous about telling me anything. Anything you say to me stays between us, okay?"
This is a joke. They had to be playing some kind of joke on me. I was being SETUP with a friend?? No one gets SETUP with a friend by staff. This is bullshit.
"I don't have to do this, you know." I told them both.
"Give me a chance, Mike. Please." Ethan said.
There was something in his voice that told me he cared, but how could he? He didn't even know me. I did not have trouble finding friends, and I was definitely not depressed. But Ethan's voice pleaded for me to give him a chance. And it was actually tempting, but I knew better.
"No deal." I said, and got up, promptly leaving the office with Mr. Smith and Ethan still sitting there.
Ethan caught up with me later that day and tried to talk me into giving him a chance.
"Please?" he asked, ready to get on his knees.
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?
"Oh! Did I hear a pretty please? That makes the biggest difference! Let me think... no."
"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"
"Look, Ethan." I said. "It's a no. So pretty please go fuck yourself with a cherry on top."
He sighed and finally gave up. He said bye, and I watched his cute ass as he ran down the hall since he was late for basketball practice. Anyway, I packed up my bag and.... wait. It occurred to me that I'd just watched him run down the hall staring at his ass, thinking it was cute. That's not normal. I knew I was bisexual... but this was the first time I'd been attracted to someone I knew... or at least spoken to. Puzzled, but not too shaken, I left for home.
"Take the garbage out tomorrow morning. And don't forget to take care of the dishes," Rachel said as I came into the house.
I said nothing to her.
"I'm going out. I want the house clean when I wake up tomorrow." she added.
What the fuck was I to her? She treated me like I was her maid. She went out almost every night, came back completely plastered, made a mess, then got me to clean up after her, do her dishes, take out her garbage. The fridge was always empty, and she never gave me money. I only slept in this house, nothing else. Well, at least Rachel didn't care where I went or when I came back.
I washed up, got changed, and went out to work. That's how I've been getting money for the past few years. I work at Sobey's, a supermarket, working with the meats. I came in to work, greeted my coworkers as usual. They were nice people, and I was friendly enough to them, but just like everyone else, I kept them as acquaintances, not friends. Plus, I was keeping things professional.
"I'll have a quarter pound of roast beef."
"Give me a half pound of black forest ham."
"Half pound of Pastrami."
"Hey there, Mike."
I looked up. It was him. Ethan, I mean.
"Please?" he asked.
"No." I said loudly.
"Problem there, Mike?" my supervisor asked.
"Nope. I just wanted to know if... you sell frozen bear?" Ethan said, covering me.
"No, we don't. Sorry, sir. Are you from the U.S.?" my supervisor asked him.
"Heh, yeah... sure. I'm from outta town."
After my shift was over, I was literally starving. I hadn't eaten in more than 12 hours. Ethan convinced me to go out for some pizza. It was his treat, so I figured it couldn't hurt. He turned out to be a vegetarian, so we had a mediterranean pizza.
"Please?" he asked.
"Look, let's talk about something else." I suggested, while taking another bite out of my slice.
"Fine. You start."
"Why are you a vegetarian? I mean, I wouldn't have guessed. You have a good build, not like a typical vegetarian."
"Mostly because of my parents. It's just the way I grew up. My parents are health freaks, so we eat pretty healthy. The build is genetic, I guess. Hey, if my parents knew I was having pizza tonight, they'd freak. How about your parents? What are they like?" he asked.
"They're alright," I lied.
"That's it?"
"Yeah, that's it." I replied.
"Well, tell me something else about yourself. I barely know you but I've seen you at school ever since ninth grade."
It was the first time in a long time that anyone had ever wanted to know me. I was a little touched, but I tried to keep my guard up.
"Tell me something about yourself, first." I suggested.
"Okay, well I'm on the basketball team, I'm a vegetarian, those two you already know. I listen to punk rock, some hip-hop, some pop but only if it's real good. What about you?"
"I like music." I said, hoping he wouldn't push the question any further.
"Any specific kinds?" he asked.
"No." I couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Well, okay. Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did." I pointed out.
"What? Oh, he said realizing what I said. So you have a sense of humor after all, you bastard."
Thoughts of my mother and father rushed back to me. I was a bastard, wasn't I? My whole existence was a big mistake. The only reason I was alive was because my grandparents insisted that my mom keep me. I started to feel a bit sick. I hated myself for being so damn sensitive. All he said was the word bastard and there I went feeling sick. It's not like he meant anything by it.
"I gotta go." I said to Ethan.
"You haven't even had one slice."
"I know. I feel sick. Sorry, I'll see ya later."
"You sure? I can help you out if you feel sick."
"It's okay. I can take care of myself." I said.
"Alright, if you're sure. Well, this should be interesting. I wonder how I'll finish all this pizza."
"Doggy bag." I said. "That's our lunch tomorrow."
"Meet you in the caf, then."
I nodded, and left. I got home, threw up in the toilet a few times, and lied in bed, trying to get to sleep. I made a friend tonight, didn't I? Why did I feel like I wanted to open up to him? It was just pizza and I was starving, nothing else. Still, there was a feeling in my heart that told me that Ethan Miller was not just any ordinary guy.
Hope you liked the first chapter. The second chapter is already completed, and it'll be up soon. Send all comments to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com Feel free to add me to MSN messenger using the same email address above.
matt417