Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction and involves romance/sex between male teenagers. If this offends you, or is illegal in your country or state/province, do not read any further.
Any comments and/or constructive criticism can be sent to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com Copyright(c) 2003 All rights reserved.
So This Is The World - Chapter 2 by matt417
I got up the next morning, remembering to clean up after Rachel, who'd passed out on the floor at 4am. She'd come with a guy but he left at 6am. About a year or two ago, I'd saved up enough money to buy a good lock for my room. There were probably more valuables in my room than there were in the entire house. When I was 14, I'd bought a CD player for my own birthday, and left it in my room. When I got home from school, it was gone. It turns out that Rachel sold it because she was getting late on mortgage payments. After that, I had to set up a lock for my door.
I met Ethan for lunch that day. He did bag the pizza from last night, and we ended up having cold pizza for lunch.
"Mike, I've been thinking. If you don't want to tell me stuff that you don't want me to know, that's okay. I respect that. We don't have to talk about your problems. I get the feeling that you're not depressed. You just keep to yourself. I don't want to force you to talk. I just wanna be friends."
I looked at him suspiciously.
"Well, I told you I wasn't depressed. Yeah, I just keep to myself. I like it that way." I said.
"Do you have... any friends? At all?" he asked.
"Well... no, I don't have any. Not at all." I answered truthfully.
"Why not? You don't seem like a bad guy."
"Look, you wouldn't understand." I said, about to leave.
"Try me."
I stopped in my tracks, seriously considering it. Would it hurt to tell him? I'd never told anyone else in my entire life. Would I tell Ethan? He seemed trustworthy enough. But then again, you never know. I'd only known him for one day.
"I'll tell you in time." I told him.
What was I supposed to tell him? Would I say that I'm a bastard, my mom abandoned me as a child, my grandparents are dead, and I'm living with my drug addict aunt who's only 28 and treats me like shit? Would I tell him that I have no friends because I like to be independent and self-reliant, and because I don't trust anyone? Would I tell him that the whole world is full of danger, full of people who are greedy and selfish? Would I tell him that I despise his parents for being the average middle class family because they live in luxury while billions live in poverty? Would I tell him that I live in poverty? Would I tell him that I don't have a TV, a computer, not even a radio? Would I tell him that I sometimes go for 3 days without food until my paycheck cashes in? Would I tell him that when things get real hard, I break down and cry, calling out for my mom, and that whenever I pass by a gas station, I look around and wait - waiting for my mom to come back to me? What would I tell him? He'd be totally scared off if I told him the truth. He'd leave me just like everyone else I'd ever loved.
I was at work again at Sobey's after school. By now, Ethan had memorized my schedule. I'm amazed at his persistence. We had dinner at his place that night. His parents were out at some banquet, so we had the house. It was nice, it was a palace compared to my home, but really it was just a medium-sized Victorian-looking home. We had caesar salad, rotisserie chicken, and potatoes. I totally pigged out since it was a few days away from payday, and I was always short on money for food around this time.
"Whoa, slow down there, Mikey. There's enough food here for four people. No one's takin' it from you. Looks like you're eating for three."
"Sorry. I'm just a little hungry."
"Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out."
"Do you have any drinks?" I asked.
"Sorry, my parents don't drink alcohol."
"No, I mean like anything to drink. Just anything."
"Sorry, just bottled water. That okay with you?"
"Yeah, all I ever drink is tap water anyway."
He looked at me, puzzled. He got up to get us the water, but came back empty-handed.
"Sorry, we're out. You know what, I'll just go over to pick some more up. You wanna come or stay here and watch some TV?"
"I'll come with," I said.
We took Ethan's car over to the corner store, but found that it was closed.
"What kinda corner store closes at 8pm?" he yelled, pulling at the door handle. "Come on, I know where we can go."
We sat in silence as we drove down the road. I looked out the window, staring at the stores and buildings. It was a nice area compared to my own. No one knew suffering around here, and everyone had a full stomach.
"STOP!" I yelled.
Ethan stopped the car, pulling into the gas station.
"What is it?" he asked.
I looked out the window, looking around desperately, looking for that young blonde-haired woman that walked out of my life so many years ago.
"Where are you?" I whispered.
"What's wrong?" Ethan asked.
"Just wait, please. Maybe if we just keep waiting... maybe if I'd waited just a bit longer..." I mumbled.
We sat in the car in front of the gas station. Ethan was probably silently wondering if I was crazy while I looked around desperately. We'd been sitting there for at least half an hour until tears formed in my eyes and I buried my head in my hands. Ethan took off his seat belt and put his arm around my shoulder.
"It's okay." he said. "Look at me."
I took my hands away from my face and looked him in the eyes.
"It'll be alright." he said, reassuring me and taking me into his embrace.
I sobbed, my tears flowing down my face, soaking his shirt.
"Shh.." he whispered. "It's okay. It'll be alright."
And I believed him. Holding him, being in his embrace made everything feel so much better. Everything would be alright.
"You don't have to carry this burden alone. I'll help you carry it. You can trust me."
I think for the first time in my life, I knew that I needed a friend. I needed him.
"I can trust you?" I asked.
"Yes. You can tell me whatever you want to tell, it's up to you. I'm here to listen and help."
"Thanks." I said, wiping my tears. "You know, I don't always cry like this. I'm sorry for crying in front of you. I know how some people hate it when others cry."
"I don't care. Why shouldn't you cry?" he asked.
"Because... it's only making me thirstier?" I tried to force a smile.
I opened myself up to Ethan, telling him about my mom, my grandparents, my aunt, telling him how I grew up, why I was alone.
"So now that you know... you probably don't want to be friends with a problem child."
"No," he said. "I think you're real special. You've been through a lot, you're not spoiled, you're not a bad guy at all. You're smart, you're independent, you're down to earth. I respect that."
"This stays between the two of us, right?"
"Yeah. I meant what I said that first day in the office."
"I'm glad."
"Do you ever wonder what happened to your mom?" he asked.
"Every waking moment."
"You know... we could find out."
"How?" I asked.
"Well, my mom works for the RCMP, so we could look up her record, run some scans to see if she matches anyone else on record."
"I appreciate the thought, but she wouldn't wanna see me. I didn't think twice when she left me, and if she really wanted to see me again, she would've done it already."
"Maybe she misses you." Ethan said.
"Don't give me false hopes, Ethan. I know what's in the boundaries of reality. She left me because she never wanted me. No one's ever wanted me."
"I want you." he said to me. "As a friend, I mean."
He made me feel so good when he said that. No one ever really gave a shit about me, and here was someone who went out of his way to help me because he actually cared. Was I falling for him? He looked great, anyone could see that. He was sweet and caring, made and me feel great about myself.
"Ethan?" I asked.
"Yeah?"
"I think I'm falling in love with you."
I leaned in and kissed him. Gently, at first, then exploring his mouth. I was enjoying it, I'd never had so much physical contact in my life. I broke our kiss and sighed in bliss.
"Umm... Mike? I'm sorry. I'm not gay."
Shit. I tried to think of something to say, but couldn't.
"It's okay though. If you are, that's okay. I got nothing against that."
"I'm not," I said finally. "I'm actually bi. At least I think I am."
"You have feelings for me?" he asked.
"I thought I made that obvious."
"Yeah. Sorry, stupid question. It's nothing personal, Mike. I'm just not into guys... in that way."
"Well, I'm sorry for... I dunno, not asking for permission, I guess... This is awkward."
"Yeah. I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. It's my fault. I should probably get going now." I said. "I haven't done any of my homework yet."
"We could do it here. The homework, I mean. I have a few classes with you."
"Yeah."
We sat in silence, trying not to look at each other.
"So..." he began.
"Let's start with English. That ok?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Okay so we just have to read uh-"
"Wait hold on. Do you like guys more than girls or vice versa?" he asked.
"Guys, I guess."
"Are you sure?"
"I think so."
"Do you think you could ever turn completely straight or completely gay?" he asked.
"Umm.. I dunno. Why's this important?"
"It's not. I'm just wondering. I don't know anyone else who likes the same sex."
"Okay, well anyway-"
"Are you gonna get married to a man or woman?" he asked, interrupting me a second time.
"I don't know." I answered.
"Okay, I'm done. That's all for me. No, wait. I have another question."
"Go ahead," I said, getting a bit annoyed.
"Can I kiss you?"
"What??"
"I wanna kiss you this time. Please. I just wanna try it. I'll be prepared for it this time."
I agreed, and he put his hands on my shoulders nervously, and slowly moved his face towards mine.
"Oww!" he yelled, as my nose went in his eye.
I rolled around the floor laughing my ass off. It could've been the most hilarious thing I'd ever seen.
"Okay," I said, trying to keep myself calm and composed. "Let's put on some music and try it again."
"Okay, I'll put on something romantic."
The music started playing, and we tried it again. This time, Ethan was more confident placing his arms around my neck, pulling me towards him. He leaned in and gave me the perfect kiss. I sucked on his lower lip, then slid my tongue into his mouth. We slid our tongues over each other, enjoying the sensations. I heard Ethan moan a couple of times, and it felt awesome to know that I could make him feel that good.
"You know, you're good, Mike."
"Have I converted the straight boy?"
"I like you Mike. I just don't know in what way. Let's be friends first, okay? We'll see how things go."
"Friends is more than I could ever ask for."
I could already feel myself becoming more and more emotionally dependent on Ethan. What surprised me the most was that I actually enjoyed needing him. I'd only known him for a few days and it was ridiculous how much I'd bonded with him in that amount of time. It might not be love, but it was the closest thing to it that I'd ever felt.
So there's the second chapter. It's a bit shorter than the first one, I think. But I wrote both chapters on the same day, so gimme a break. I'm in need of an editor... I hate reading over my posts and finding stupid but important spelling mistakes. And I'm way too lazy to read over everything right after I've finished. So if you can edit for me... ummm... you get your own special sneak peek before anyone else sees the story! ummm... yeah that's all I've got to offer. And if no one wants to edit for me, I guess I can do it myself, but it'd be a real bad inconvenience since school is starting pretty soon and I won't have as much time and if you don't edit for me, I'll be discouraged from writing and I'll never write ever again.
Send all comments to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com Feel free to add me to MSN messenger using the same email address above.
matt417