Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction and involves romance/sex between male teenagers. If this offends you, or is illegal in your country or state/province, do not read any further.
Any comments and/or constructive criticism can be sent to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com Copyright(c) 2005 All rights reserved.
So This Is The World - Chapter 3 by matt417
"So... if a guy has sex with another guy, does it mean he's gay?" Ethan asked me.
"Well, not necessarily. He could just be curious." I replied.
"Okay."
It'd been nearly a week since our little incident. Things had gotten a little awkward at times since then, but with each passing day, we grew to be more and more comfortable with each other.
"Just cause I kissed you doesn't mean I'm gay." he said.
I rolled my eyes at him.
"Okay." I said back.
"Not that there'd be anything wrong with it if I were gay." he added.
"Right."
"You know you're a good kisser, right? I've never kissed girls the way I kissed you." he said as I began to blush.
"Let's just get back to studying." I said nervously.
It was just a few weeks from midterm, and I desperately needed to boost my chemistry mark. Not that there was anyone around to care whether or not I failed. I wasn't failing though, in fact I was excelling in most of my courses.
I'd been having some trouble grasping the whole standing-wave theory for electrons recently. I'd have to read more into..
"So then... how do you know if you're gay? How do you know YOU'RE gay?" he interrupted.
I smiled. I knew I could get no studying done with Ethan around. I simply wasn't used to the presence of others, especially when I was so used to having my alone time when I studied.
"First off, I said I was bi. But yeah, I'm more into guys. You know what never mind, I guess I am gay. I just didn't wanna say that I was gay at the time, so I figured saying I was bi would at least make me half straight and not completely hate-able. And Well, Ethan... how do you know you're straight?" I asked.
That won me a dumbfound look from him.
"Well, I don't know... I just-"
"I just know, Ethan. It's like... natural for me. I've known for as long as I can remember..."
"You're left-handed?" he asked.
I looked at him curiously.
"Being gay is like being left-handed. You could try to go out with girls, but in the end, you'd never feel comfortable. It'd never feel.. right, you know?"
"I know exactly what you mean." I said. He really did understand.
"Hey Mike, it's getting late. You wanna stay over tonight?" he asked.
It's not like Aunt Rachel would care where I was staying. As far as she was concerned, as long as I cleaned up after myself and her constant disarray, I was off the hook. I'd just come home early the next day and clean up whatever mess she'd made.
"Yeah, sure. I mean, if you don't mind."
"Not a problem, bud."
Bud? I'd never been anybody's bud. Why now? Why, after all these years, did this one person want to be my "bud"?
"Ethan?"
"Yeah." he said, looking up at me.
"I know I didn't want to get to know you, at first. But thanks for not giving up on me."
"No worries, it's cool. I like having you around." He smiled. I'd never been so happy.
It was a sunny day, with the bright blue sky beaming with promises of beautiful days, and beautiful memories. The air was crisp. It made me excited just to be alive.
I was on my way to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Just enough to cook up a terrific dinner for me and Ethan. It would be our first official date. One that I could actually afford. He had most of the utensils and ingredients at his place. I just needed to pick up a bag of skim milk, and a few stalks of celery.
There were lots of people on the sidewalks, and the street was crowded with vehicles. 'That's odd,' I thought to myself. 'This street is never crowded.' There seemed to be more and more people by the second, and soon I found myself having to push my way through the crowd. I could see the grocery store from where I was standing, but it felt like I was walking in a tub of glue.
"Excuse me! Excuse me! Sorry, I need to get through!" I apologized as I pushed my way through. It was no use. I could only barely move through the crowd. It wouldn't even take one minute for me to get there if there weren't so many people in the way.
I closed my eyes. If I concentrated enough, I could do anything. I'd force my way through this crowd. They were all obstacles. They were all just demons trying to keep me from getting what I deserved. What I DESERVED. My FAIR SHARE. It was mine. They were born into luxury, undeserving of every gift, every good memory. And some of them didn't even know what they had. All their complaints, all their worries, and they didn't even know that they had it THAT GOOD.
When I opened my eyes, I was still surrounded by a sea of people, but there was no longer any grocery store. Only a gas station. She was there. She looked as stunning as I remembered my grandmother had once described her, and from the pictures I'd seen of her. She never needed a pair of wings. I would've always mistaken her for an angel. My mother, standing right in front of the gas station.
"MOM!" I yelled.
She couldn't even hear me.
"MOM! I'm here! And you're back!"
I pushed and shoved with all the energy I could muster up. But no matter how hard I tried to force my way through, I couldn't get past. The space just filled, as if being filled by some thick liquid.
"Mom?" I whispered.
This time, she turned and looked directly at me.
"All you left me was an empty old car." I said, "I waited in it for so long. Why didn't you come back?"
Without any notice, she vanished. No goodbye. No 'have a good life'. Nothing. As I looked up into that bright blue sky, full of its lies, I felt the crowd push against me, harder, until I started moving along with it. I was helpless, only a single soul among thousands. What else could I do but follow?
I breathed in sharply as I woke up. What a strange, terrible dream. I got up, and realized I wasn't in my room. This was not the tiny little townhouse I'd known for so long. This was a palace. I found the bathroom, and splashed some water on my face. It was 4:00 AM. What could I do? I didn't want to go back to sleep, in fear that I'd revisit that strange dream. I decided to go downstairs and maybe sit in the living room and watch some TV quietly. After flipping through the channels, I found there was nothing worth watching, so I ended up taking out my textbooks, and started reading ahead.
"Couldn't sleep, eh?"
I jumped out of my seat and turned around. Ethan was standing there in a t-shirt and boxers.
"Neither could I." he said.
"You have a beautiful house, you know." I told him.
"A house is a house." He shrugged.
"I guess so." I couldn't come up with anything better at four o'clock in the morning.
Neither of us said anything for a while.
"Hey... um... remember the other week?" he asked.
"Yeah?"
"Well, I was wondering.. do you still feel that way?"
"You, ah, you mean..." I stuttered.
"You have feelings for me?" he asked.
"Yes." I admitted.
"Mike... I don't wanna play with your emotions. And I swear I would be with you in a flash if I knew I were into guys... but you know, I'm just kinda figuring things out. And last week, you kissed me and everything's kinda been upside down since then. But.. would you mind kissing me again?"
My eyes widened at his request.
"Why?"
"I liked it." He said, "I like you, you're a great guy, and your an awesome kisser, so why not? I have to be fair with you though, I'm not 100% sure if I'm gay. But why does it matter? Who cares about labels? As long as I know that I like you and you like me, what else matters?"
"You're serious?" I asked, still in awe of what he was saying.
"Yeah. I swear. Just keep that nose of yours in check." he said, stifling a laugh.
"Hey! It was the other way around. You just gotta... keep your eyes out of the way?"
We stared at each other for a few moments. It was slightly awkward, just standing there looking at each other. He took a step forward, but I kept my ground. He took another step forward, and I didn't flinch. We were finally eye-to-eye, face-to-face. I slid my arms around his waist, and he did the same.
"It'd be weird if your parents came downstairs and caught us." I whispered.
"Nah, they'd just think we were good friends." he smiled. And he brushed his cheek against mine. The sensations sent my nerves flying to the heavens. I brought my lips against his, and just waited there for a while. He was breathing heavily now, but so was I. My heart was pounding. Our lips still rested against each others'. I looked up into his eyes, those beautiful and intense eyes. Then I kissed him, but this was in no way like the other time. This was passionate, full of energy and animal instinct. I pushed him against the wall and pulled off his t-shirt. His lips separated from mine and traced down to my neck, where he kept sucking. Apparently, it was a really sensitive area and made me tremble, whimpering, trying desperately to stop myself from screaming.
Footsteps. We both heard them. Instantly we both dashed to put his t-shirt back on and made ourselves look presentable, as if nothing had been going on. We jumped on the couch, grabbed our books. Just as we opened the pages, Ethan's dad walked in.
"Isn't it a bit late, err... early to be studying?" he asked, as if we were crazy.
"Mister, uh, Mr. Miller..." I stuttered.
"Dad?" Ethan looked at his dad.
"Yes?"
"It's never too early to study!" Ethan said, starting to laugh.
"Crazy kids.." his dad muttered, as he continued on his way to the kitchen.
"That was close." I whispered.
"I was just getting started." he said slyly. He gave me his mischievous smile.
"We're done for tonight. I should get home now." I said, "I should be getting home."
"Man, do you want a ride? It's really dark out there. And the buses aren't running right now." he said, concerned.
"No, I should be alright. I live really close. I can take care of myself." I insisted.
I stuffed my books into my bag and headed to the front door to put my shoes on.
"You can stay, you know." Ethan said.
"I know. And thanks, but I need to get back on my own. I.. I had a great time tonight. We should do it again some time. The studying, I mean. And talking."
"Don't worry about it. I know what you mean." he said smiling.
Was he ever not happy and smiling? I knew I was falling for him. He was perfect. I opened the door, and stepped out, whispering a final goodbye before leaving. I walked briskly down the street, which slowly turned into a jog, and soon I was running full speed for my neighbourhood. I would normally take a good 45 minutes to walk, but I knew that walking home, especially in my area during the night was not a bright idea.
I soon passed most of the enormous Victorian homes, and passed some more equally large but modern-looking houses. Next came the small commercial area and small parks, then finally my area. Government housing, the brick walls covered in graffiti, a testament to poverty. Trees lined the streets, but they'd long since died. I sometimes wondered who would've planted them. Maybe some poor soul had once hoped that this area would become a thriving community, a place full of life, energy, vitality.
Instead it was a place where poverty ruled. It was a place where the desperate poor took risks and desperate measures every day. All in hopes of one day living the lives they thought they were meant to live. Lives where a little luxury wasn't too much to ask for. I couldn't blame some of these guys for leading a life of crime. The rest of society wouldn't mind seeing them die on the streets, so who can blame them for taking the illegal job that pays a white collar salary over the honest one that pays nothing? They see their fellow man draped in riches, could I blame them for expecting the same?
I finally made it to my little townhouse. I considered myself lucky to have not gotten caught on the way home. Rachel was asleep at the foot of the stairs, so I stepped over her slumped frame and went to my room.
It'd been a strange night. In fact, the whole idea of having a friend or.. whatever he was... it was completely foreign. I would need some time to get used to him. I loved being around him and enjoyed his company so much that I didn't think I could go back to being alone. I went to sleep at 5am, thinking about Ethan. There were no more nightmares that night, no more strange dreams. Only peaceful sleep, because somewhere out there, Ethan Miller cared.