Hello my vast audience (okay, so that's just one person, huh?). This is my first story in a public forum so I'm crossing all my limbs as you read this. Please, please send me any comments, criticisms etc, as it will make me smile and please excuse the British spellings. Just a warning: this is a slowly developing kinda storyline, so be prepared with the caffeine.
Disclaimer; I do not know any of the celebrities (or fictional characters) mentioned and have not the faintest clue about their repsective sexualities, nor is this story meant to imply anything at all about them.
Okay. On y va.
Chapter 1 Becoming
We ran outside and threw back our heads with our tongues protruding, catching the heavy, metallic raindrops, screwing up our eyes and burying our hands in our hair. We stood in the blanket of artificial light leaking through the patio doors and opened our eyes to the infinite stars and the cool moon, Emily and I. Emily, an average height like me, with blue eyes and loosely curled, shoulder-length hair, and I, looking out from my grey-blue eyes and feeling the dampness in my short, but outgrown, mixed colour hair in the crevices of my fingers. We burst out laughing as we reached down to retrieve our diluted wine from the wet grass and saluted one another with the heady, red liquid.
"To the future!" I hailed the moon.
"And whatever gutter she chooses for us!" Emily laughed. We knocked the glasses together, relishing the clarity of the collision as it bound our destinies.
"To..." I gave a confused look, "What is it called?"
"Um, I don't know..." Emily trailed off, "It has to mean something special to us."
"Yep, got to be important." I agreed.
"This is going to drag on forever." Emily laughed.
"Oh, let's use the last letters of our names for now!" I cried with excitement, adding quietly, "Like N Sync."
"Chris! I am not going to be some kind of N Sync apostle!" Emily said with mock disdain.
"Okay," I said sheepishly, "Fine. Think up something controversial and intriguing then."
"Hmm, I still don't know..."
"But we have to toast to something."
"To our collective future." Emily chuckled.
"To our collective future." I said proudly, and we downed the wine.
That is how the band started, on one, spitefully cold, late summer's night just off the harsh bite of Emily's patio. Both of us running fast from our teenage years, up until that moment uncertain of our future, but by shouting our drunken souls to the moon, we earned ourselves direction. You may be wondering as to our qualifications to even imagine that we could start a band and be successful. Foolishness may have played a large part, along with an overwhelming desire to live our lives through music, which, I suppose, is the way that it should happen.
Emily, whilst being a very close friend for the previous three years, was also a self- taught, extremely skilful guitarist and I was a hopeful singer. I was never sure of my ability, but sang frequently at home in karaoke style, though never dared try in front of my friends. However, despite my insecurities, I had slowly fallen in love with singing; it had become like breathing. I needed to sing so badly at least once a day, otherwise I became miserable. Finally, I gained the confidence to sing with Emily whilst she played the guitar. Emily had also written many songs, whilst I was more confident writing poetry and prose. Naturally, after forming the duo (still yet to be a band) these practices merged into very combined song writing.
Our musical influences were frighteningly diverse; Emily really loved Hole, Pearl Jam, Placebo, and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers etc. with a few shared, novelty hits thrown in, like Don't Stop Movin' by Sclub7 and Bootayliscious by Destiny's Child, whereas, whilst I was really into Pearl Jam, Placebo, and partial to Hole, my music tastes extended to soul, like India Arie, Country, like Patsy Cline (blame my mother), Less Than Jake, electronic dance styles like Moloko, Morcheeba and Daft Punk, and smoother guitar driven rock like the Strokes and the White Stripes. The blend of these elements made our music, though able to be labelled with rock, as it was guitar based, had melodies influenced heavily by our pooled passions.
The first few, combined effort songs were very amateurish, partly because we only had Emily's guitar skills and my very basic piano skills. Nothing happened for the first few months, not that we expected anything to happen, so we fled to our respective, Northern England universities to while away the time with excessive drinking, incestuous relationships with others in our halls of residence and lots of daytime TV. We soon realised that we needed to pad out the metaphorical bra that was our band to get any attention, so advertised for extra members, and asked around our fellow undergraduates. As we got desperate, I suggested that we pay out for some quality under wiring and record an expensive demo, but Emily reasoned that we should wait until we bulked up on people.
Then we met Joe. One of the students in my halls left for some random reason like a change of mind, so a room was freed up and Joe filled in the gap. He was doing some random computer science course, which I still refuse to learn the name of, but didn't real feel passionate about his work at all, existing only at university as most students did: to pass the time of indecision away, but feel that the time wasn't wasted. His parents had come to live in Britain from Hong Kong and he still had a lot of relatives living over there. His family were also comfortably off so he had done a lot of travelling around the World, which I awed him for. I became good friends with him, after a very gradual start, and soon told him about the band. I had learnt that he could play drums and had some knowledge of synthesizers and electronic equipment related to that, so I impressed the need for more recruits upon him.
"You want me to be in your band?" Joe asked with a gasping, half laugh that my floor mates had quickly become accustomed to.
"Yeah." I threw him a shy smile, as I still felt slightly uneasy about him, although I had revealed my very well guarded Justin Timberlake crush to him.
"What about university?" Joe asked, "'Cos it'll take up a lot of our time."
"Come on!" I whined, "You only complain about your course. Wouldn't you rather do something that you knew you loved?"
"I guess." Joe said cautiously, "But you now that we could really lose out on this. You see this as a future don't you? It's not just a hobby for you, is it?"
"No. It isn't a hobby." I sat back on my bed, leaning my back against the wall of the small study bedroom I shared with Mike, a biochemist. I elaborated, "The thing that gives me peace is singing, right? Like it makes me complete. So I want to use that in life."
"How come I haven't heard you sing all the while that you've been here?"
"Because I'm still quite lacking in confidence as far as my voice goes, but that's changing."
"It will have to if you want to perform." Joe chuckled.
"Yeah, well, if you join us then you will be another person I can sing to." I taunted.
"Alright then." Joe gave in.
"Great! I can't wait to tell Emily." I wriggled with excitement.
"I can't wait to meet her." Joe sighed at my enthusiasm.
Of course you must understand that things went slowly to begin with as we had to ride the semesters at university out whilst meeting up in holidays and performing gigs when we could. A very old friend of Emily and I, Ashley, a enviably beautiful girl who had a tendency to wear very old, distressed looking clothes which just seemed to enhance her natural beauty, came back from her year out to Australia the following spring. Sometimes, I wondered why I even bothered trying to dress nicely when I stood no chance against Ash. Anyway, she had been learning guitar since she was aged about four and was extremely well accomplished, so we invited her into the band.
Her original plan for the following year had been to take an English degree at a university local to where we all grew up. After persuading her to put us on trial for the summer and perform with us, just to see if we were anything worth giving up a, dare I say it, conventional future for, she reluctantly agreed. However, her enthusiasm to play and write with us was overwhelming. Joe, whose family lived in the North West, came down to stay with me at my family home in East Anglia, just a short walk from Emily and Ash's homes. My mother and father were very apprehensive about letting Joe stay with us, as they were worried that I was in some kind of intimate relationship with him.
But they had no reason to worry. Despite the fact that I was writing songs about love and sex, I had never had a relationship before. I had never even been kissed. It wasn't very easy for me to discover much about my sexuality in the town where I lived, as it was rural, and slightly backward. Due to the strong community, where everyone knew everyone else, no one was brave enough to be different. All things exempt from the mass society's rules of what was expected and accepted were hidden or denied. After battling through my feelings at school and finally realising that I was not like all the other boys, I didn't really have much opportunity to experiment with sex and emotions as most teenagers do, an important aspect being that I was very introverted, so would never have dared approaching any boys I liked and had great problems with self confidence. Hence, being on the exiting end of my teens, I still hadn't found anyone that I trusted enough to let them get that close to me.
Joe fitted in at fine home, and I really enjoyed having him around, not just for his excellent company, but because he was okay with my sexuality and made it the norm at my home which, for a while after I had told my parents, had been referred to as my phase. Joe was a brilliant example for my parents because he was assuredly straight, but got on very well with me, and often talked to me about men I fancied, as I talked to him about the women he fancied. It was a refreshing relationship, as he was the first, real close male friend I had known since I was eleven.
During a bout of sickness, which we all seemed to acquire at roughly the same time, we came up with our name: Social Invalid. I personally liked it because it could be interpreted two ways; as invalid in the sick person sense, or invalid in the inappropriate, void sense.
We played loads of dates in the local area, even picking up an extra band member called Stephanie, a short girl who had adoptive, white parents, but whose biological parents had originally lived in Morocco, so she had a tan skin colour and coal black hair which grew in tight curls. She was insatiably giggly and always good-natured. She had an unsurpassable ability to harmonize with my voice and was an excellent pianist and bassist. Finally our band sounded complete; our songs seemed to have fought their way from our instruments when we had played and I slowly grew more confident about singing when I realised that my voice sounded best when I just enjoyed performing.
As summer was drawing to a close we had not been approached by any music executives, so it was decided that we had to control our own destinies and assert ourselves upon the industry. None of us liked living out of our parents' pockets whilst we struggled with part time jobs to earn money and tired ourselves out playing gigs. We all pooled together our funds and set out to record a professional demo. We recorded a few of our tracks, like Handshakes, which I had written about a lust at first sight experience, and Rape, which Emily had written as a disturbed, but beautiful love song about quiet longing. I loved singing Rape because it was so aggressive, but so fragile all at once. I guess that I'm saying it's very melodramatic and I liked playing along with the song's emotion when I performed it.
Much to our combined delight, our demos got played on a late night, national radio show, as they liked to showcase unsigned bands that they believed to be good. We were so pushed on by this national expose of our talents that we felt that our futures in music were secured. We had already scouted round record companies, throwing copies of our demo at them and throwing smiles at everyone we met. We had set up our own website, which had got a mention on the said radio show, and the amount of hits shot up after the broadcast. I was really pleased because the website had been like my baby since the start of the band. I had been studying architecture at university, but my interest in art was much wider than just architecture and music, so designing the website had been a special project for me. The positive comments in the guest book had made me beam from ear to ear for two solid weeks.
Then it happened. A few of the record companies sent us back offers. We were so thrilled and all met up on the bailey field in front the castle ruins that were my town's one big, but well hidden, tourist attraction. And it was also a great place for illicit dope smoking. The envelopes were torn quickly between our hands and we considered the deals that were described in the letters. We were all so shaken by the way it had all speeded up in those few weeks after the radio play. One of the companies, a fairly small, trans-Atlantic set up, seemed to offer us the best terms, and a DJ who definitely had our respect supported them, so we decided to reply in the affirmative to their offer.
The rough idea was that we would initially be promoted in the US, as the company were afraid that Europe would not readily accept our unique sound and American fan bases were a very vital asset. Added to these, initial support from the states usually led to similar support from Japan and Europe. I had no complaints, as I had a secret fascination with America. One part of me hated the idea of living in America, whereas the other desperately wanted to go and experience it so I could justifiably say that I didn't like it. The company would be setting out to style our image slightly, although it seemed that we were just going to be helped with the dressing up; not actually being forced to wear anything, or pretend to be anything, which was refreshing. We would tour in the states, and hang about in LA for a while so as to promote us further with TV appearances, or at least that was what was expected.
The thought of going to the states and performing in front of crowds who had no idea who we were was extremely unnerving, but vaguely exciting. It felt bad that we would be temporarily deserting those people who had attended our recent, British gigs, but I promised myself that when we had time off and came back to Britain, then I'd persuade the others to perform at some small gigs. And I'd keep the website going of course. I couldn't wait to see what the reaction to us in the US would be though.
Things happened so quickly. We were all called down to the London offices and our songs were criticised by the record company until they had been reduced to album proportions and they had suggested some changes to make them more suitable for the American market. We were reluctant to do this at first, but Emily pointed out that we could record an album with the changes, but perform the original song formats live. This pacified our objections to the changes when we approached the music executives with this proposal and they accepted it.
There was one thing that caused some difficulties. They wanted one of the girls to sing lead. They argued that the American market was used to mixed sex groups having a female singer and even though they understood the artistic merits of my voice, as they worded it, they knew the market to be more accepting of a softer voice. I had, in one of the group's drunken moments, been described as a stoned, mellower Tina Turner. This demand upset me greatly. I had only just come to terms with the fact that, although I wasn't a smooth singer, people wanted to hear me sing and now it seemed my part in the band was being extinguished. I didn't want to be the reason that the others didn't succeed though, so I considered quitting the group. After my friends' constant assurances that they wouldn't settle for anyone else singing lead, they forced the record company to allow me to continue. However, negotiations entailed that I would be receiving singing tuition, which I was pleased about, as I had a burning desire to improve my voice.
After tying things up in London, and many, awesomely productive singing lessons, we were boarded onto a plane and tossed over the Atlantic to the USA. I was amazed to discover that the publicity machine had arrived before us. News articles in music magazines featured our names and our future first release had already made its way onto rock stations. It was a strange feeling to turn on the radio and hear our properly recorded, mixed music being announced and played. And requested.
The record company seemed to have a lot invested in us. When we were taken out for styling, even though it was a fairly cosseted trip with lots of people helping us choose clothes, we ended up getting the clothes we would have brought anyway. That is, if we had the money. The record company was paying out big time on us, and I certainly wasn't complaining. I don't think we really achieved a group image, as was the stylist's mantra. Ash seemed to manage to get a lot of ill fitting, retro clothes from the impossibly expensive designer shops, Joe emerged with a load of skater/indy gear, and Stephanie just extended her tonal, stylish wardrobe.
Emily and I, however, if not changing our existing tastes, were the ones who went for the star look. Emily had always had a knack for choosing clothes that looked really good on her, were a bit kooky, and were fashionably impressive. My own style swayed between very imaginative, fashion influenced pieces and very reserved, but classically flattering combinations. Emily said that they were my respective camp and cool styles. I had never really wanted to be camp, but I had to admit there was something theatrical about my more daring purchases.
The stylist assigned to me, Greta, a mid thirties lady dressed in very cool, black clothes, was in the same frame of mind as me. Her black garb typified my more reserved side. Confessing my split personality to her in the depths of a scarily exclusive looking place, she admitted to me that she suffered from the same illness. We got on really well after that discussion and she had no more qualms about throwing something overly decorated or near non-existent towards me.
Sufficiently kitted out, we began to tour as support for Incubus, as their sound was what our band was often compared to. Make no mistake; I doubted that anyone would get to know us as Incubi protégés, as we had a sufficiently peculiar style. After our very first, near death inducing performance, the gigs became much more enjoyable, and we even discovered that a significant percentage of the audience came to the dates just to see us and not Incubus. As regards to Incubus, we rarely saw them during the tour, as we were also required to do promotional work, which took up a lot of time. I was concerned that we were being over exposed, but management explained that new bands have to saturate American media to make any mark in the country.
The promotional photography was amazingly enjoyable. I had quite a lot of focus in these pictures, as I was lead singer, as did Ash, because of her looks, but we demanded that the only pictures should be group pictures, so we all made our appearances in music magazines. The magazine interviews were very strange, because we didn't feel qualified enough to criticise any other bands and we were advised not to tell them anything controversial about us, for example my sexuality. It wasn't because they didn't think a gay artist wouldn't sell in America, though I thought it was very likely, but that it would be good to create an air of mystery about me as lead singer. I agreed with them, as I had never really fancied being a pioneer for gay rights etc, I respected those artists with dubious private lives and the question never arose in interviews. Of course the latter would change if we became more popular and I started having a coherent social life, but for the start of our American voyage, it wasn't an issue.
The tour was extremely successful. The interest in us soon rose, partly because we would perform our material differently nearly every night and play around greatly with the music, substituting instruments etc. We had a break from touring and I settled to further my education in piano playing, which I devoted so much time to that it almost seemed that I had not stopped touring. The others were more available for public engagements, although Emily also indulged herself in further guitar playing; therefore, I soon became the missing member in interviews, which caused some disappointment. Ash laughed and said that the gossips probably rumoured that I was having breast enlargements.
Once we began touring again, and our gigs became complete sell outs even when Incubus had to cancel a few dates, I was freed up for more promotional work and we decided to share out the promo work between us, so that Social Invalid could have more relaxation time between performances. Magazines were soon requesting Ash and I for interviews when they realised that we shouldn't all be expected to turn up. This made me feel very self conscious, although I knew that it was just because I was lead singer, but I felt bad that Emily wasn't being requested as she had worked the most out of everyone on song writing.
This drive for knowledge of Ash and myself was revealed in an interview by a national music magazine:
"Hey! I'm Naima Black. Nice to meet you." The lady sitting at the small round table in the bar had informed us enthusiastically.
"Hi, I'm Ashley Gardner and this is Chris Abbot." Ash introduced us.
The interviewer gave us a quizzed look, and then we commenced with the interview. She asked us the usual questions about how we formed, where we came from, blah, blah, blah. It got quite boring after the first fifty interviews like it. The questions regarding current affairs and music were really good, because they usually varied quite a lot, but this interview didn't offer any. Then, the direction of the interview seemed to change drastically.
"So, is any of the band dating?" She asked, raising her eyebrows and interlocking her fingers.
"Err, no," I said, slightly confused as to the relevance of the question, "We haven't really had time for anyone outside of the band yet."
"There are no linkages within the band then?" Her eyes flickered between us expectantly.
"You don't mean us?" Ash coughed with laughter and I joined her, "We've been friends forever, and know each other way too much for that!" She explained.
"Yeah," I agreed, "Ash is a beautiful girl, but more like a sister really."
"Oh." The interviewer mouthed with disappointment.
"Now we know why people kept asking for us two for interviews." Ash said to me.
"You're going to be meeting quite a few celebrities when your tour finishes in LA." Naima said, regaining her façade of untainted interest, "So, are there any people you look forward to meeting?"
"Oh lots." I said quickly.
"Do you mean romantically?" Ash directed at Naima, but narrowed her eyes at me.
"You British are so cute." Naima chuckled, "Okay, so romantically?"
"Hmm," Ash mused, and I decided she should deal with this question, "Obviously there are people that we've had crushes on,"
"And?" Naima urged.
"And we'd spoil our chances making those names public." Ash smiled good-naturedly.
"True." I nodded carefully in agreement, "If we had any chances in the first place." I still didn't associate myself with the world of celebrity.
"Come on! You guys are like the new big thing at the moment." Naima screamed.
"Oh, right." I said with evident disbelief.
"Tell me you two, what's it like to be loved by millions?"
"I doubt we're loved yet; we haven't even released an album, so people don't really know our music." Ash wondered aloud.
"But they've seen the pictures." Naima enthused, "And I wasn't talking about the music."
"People love us?" I laughed, "They obviously don't know us then!"
The interview ended soon after that and Ash and I left slightly bemused as to the latter part of it, talking and laughing about the questions, making up theories of being sex symbols and the like. When we returned to the hotel we were staying at and met with our band mates, we related the odd questions we had been asked. Stephanie nodded her head in agreement at us, speaking over our jokes loudly,
"Haven't you seen any of the articles about you?"
"What do you mean?" I gasped as I settled down from hysterics.
"The articles going around about you." She searched for a magazine, flicking through the pages and thrusting it towards us. A page was dominated by one of the group shots we had done, but was doctored so that it included only Ash and myself, when we looked at our best.
"Where's everyone else?" I frowned.
The whole article was about only us two, making a passing reference to the other members when including a short plug for our single and the upcoming album. It described our life growing up together, showing that the writers had done some serious digging in our past, and eventually insinuating that we were a couple.
"Huh?" Ash uttered, "What a load of crap."
"Yeah," I murmured, "How did they find all this stuff out?"
"There are ways." Joe muttered.
"But, they're implying that we are an item." Ash laughed.
"Surely a few articles aren't a problem." I shrugged, "Yes, they are unsettling and stupid, but a few won't do any harm, will they?"
"There aren't just a few," Stephanie continued, "It's kind of the general idea at the moment. Some articles have even misinformed people by saying that you are a couple in the band description."
"Can't we stop it?" I stressed.
"I wouldn't bother." Stephanie shrugged, "Anyway, it's what's making people interested in us and getting our name about."
"I suppose that's the main thing." I said quietly, "It would be nice if it was our music though."
Chapter 2 Beginnings
We played our last few dates in LA and began our holiday, even though we would still have to do lots of promotional work and throw ourselves about at awards ceremonies and movie premieres, just to get our faces about. Our album was released, called First Cut, and sales were encouraging in the first week, although statistics never really meant anything to me. An appearance on MTV was soon arranged (which we would fly to New York for) where we would have an interview and perform our first release, which had made top twenty in the charts much to our combined shock and delight, and the anticipated second release.
I had never watched MTV in England because we only got terrestrial TV at home, not really concerned about getting satellite or cable, but Stephanie and Joe had, even though the American version was different anyway. The programme we were going to appear on was called TRL and apparently it was very important, though we were all oblivious to any significance. We arrived at the studios and met the presenter, Carson Daly. He seemed okay, as far as interviewers go, but definitely seemed to have a very inflated view of himself. We hurried off to explore the large building we were in.
Joe, Emily and I were walking down a corridor slowly (as we had a lot of time to kill before our interview) talking excitedly and making plans to get lost.
"Okay, next staircase, we go up then turn..." Emily mused, "Left!"
I looked back at her as we walked past a row of doors, which I assumed to be dressing rooms, giggling hysterically and wondering aloud,
"Do you reckon they'd send a search party...huh?" I felt myself knock into someone.
"Hey!" A cry accompanied my own surprise. I looked at my victim with my face quickly flushing red.
"I'm so sorry..." I began as he looked up.
He was slightly taller than me, with extremely short, well-curled, brownish hair, which seemed to have a golden glow about it. He smiled at me with his handsome face, curving up his two, beautifully formed lips, creasing his eyes at the corners ever so slightly. Joe made a whistling noise behind me as Emily began to laugh lightly. I couldn't speak for a moment as I recognised his face.
"Don't worry about it. You okay?" He asked confidently, his eyes flickering for a moment over Joe and Emily who were smiling in amusement, mainly at me, who had lost the ability to speak.
"Uh, huh...I'm..." I narrowed my eyes slightly, making sure that I wasn't mistaken, "I- I...fine."
"Great." He smiled again, "Don't I recognise you?"
"Do you?" I said emptily, still spaced out slightly.
"We're part of Social Invalid." I heard Emily say boldly behind my back, "We're going to be on TRL in an hour or so."
"I knew I recognised you." He still faced me, "You're Chris, aren't you?"
"Uh huh." I nodded.
"I'm Justin."
"You are." I agreed, beginning to feel sick and faint. Joe and Emily just laughed again behind me.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Justin firmly put a hand on my shoulder, concern evident in his blue eyes. My gaze moved slowly from his face to his hand, then back.
"N-nah." I uttered.
"Do you want to come in here for a while?" He offered, motioning through an open door, which he must have earlier emerged from. It was a dressing room similar to ours, but was nicely furnished and had various gifts and cards on the counter in front of the mirror.
"We'll see you later." Joe said, unable to hide his hysterics as he and Emily wandered off. He threw me a wink as he passed.
"Come on." Justin guided me into the room, pushing me down onto a chair, "I'll get you some water."
I silently watched him move to a small refrigerator and extract a bottle of water. I accepted it, trying to smile, although all muscle control was exasperatingly difficult and took a mighty gulp. He sat on a chair opposite me, leaning towards me and smiling amiably.
"You're Justin Timber..." I began slowly and he cut me off.
"Yes I am." He smiled with amusement, adding with disbelief, "Are you a fan of N Sync?"
"Yeah." I began to relax and laughed at myself.
"I wouldn't expect you to be."
"I'm sorry about me." I laughed, feeling tears pricking my eyes, putting my head in my hands, "I... I didn't mean...God I feel stupid."
"Don't worry about it." He slapped a hand on my back, "You should have seen me when I met Michael Jackson." I breathed deeply, laughing lightly.
"So you know us?" I asked.
"Yeah, I went to one of the LA dates."
"You did?" I gasped, "I didn't see you."
"In disguise." He laughed, "Britney really likes you."
"Oh." I said with some sadness, understanding that they really must be in a relationship, despite all my wishes of the opposite. I smiled, "That's encouraging."
"Why?"
"I don't know." I laughed, "What do you think of us then?"
"Interesting." He said diplomatically, "I'm not really into rock, but then again, I do really like some of your songs."
"Oh, I like yours." I said with that tone of dreaminess in my voice, then shook myself out of it when I realised I was gawping at him, "Sorry."
"You'll get used to my freakiness in a minute." He laughed.
I stopped myself from over complimenting him and reassuring him that he wasn't a freak, by blurting out.
"I really like Girlfriend. And Something Like You."
"Thanks." He smiled, "That's not just because I wrote them and you want to be polite, is it?"
"Oh, no." I smiled flirtatiously, "Not only because you wrote them..."
"I really like the lyrics to most of yours." Justin enthused, "Well, to those that I know of."
"Thanks." I beamed.
"Yeah, I liked, in, uh, Just Another, the verse bit; Concrete scrapes my spine, stung by your soul, but I feel whole, knowing that you're mine."
My mouth hung open again, as I couldn't believe this man that not only was extremely famous, but who I found gut wrenchingly attractive, was quoting my own lyrics.
"I...I wrote that."
"You did?" Justin raised his eyebrows at me, looking impossibly cute. "It's a really good song." He smiled again, and I was amazed how he could switch so quickly from looking cute, to looking sexy.
A silence passed as I just kept trying not to stare and freak him out.
"Is anything the matter?" He asked.
"I just can't believe that I'm sitting in a dressing room, talking to you." I smiled, "And that it feels so natural, if slightly unbalancing."
"You're famous now." He smiled, "You'll have to get used to talking to the rest of us."
"Oh, but I don't f..." I stopped myself saying 'fancy', stumbling into saying, "feel respect for the rest." I frowned at myself.
"Thanks." He said, "Not many people say that they respect me."
"They don't?"
"No. Don't worry, you'll get to know me, and then you won't."
I chuckled, amazed at how relaxed I was beginning to feel in his presence. I looked over at the flowers, teddies and cards. The problem with feeling relaxed was that I had to stop myself gazing into his eyes, or checking him out.
"Who are they from?" I asked, gesturing to the flowers and gifts.
"Oh, some are from fans. Bits are from Brit." He explained tiredly.
"Oh." I couldn't stop the disappointment infecting my voice.
"Do you have something against Brit?" He asked, a hint of anger tensing his voice, but mainly it was curiosity.
"Uh, no." I lied slightly. Of course I had something against her; she had him. "I like her music, and she's very beautiful."
"Yeah," He agreed, "You'll meet her soon enough."
"I will?" I asked questionably.
"When you come out with us tonight." He smiled mischievously.
"Huh?" I uttered.
"You and your band can come out with me and the guys and Brit." He explained, "If you'd like to."
"I, um, I," The question of would I really want to go out and see Justin being all intimate with someone else collided in my head with the utter nirvana of being asked, "That would be great."
"Great." Justin sat back in the chair, resting his hands on his thighs, his legs spread open, near forcing me to let my eyes travel down the curve made by his elegantly muscled arm and his leg. "Chris?"
"Huh?" I grunted, "Sorry." I smiled, "Just dozed off."
"Me and the guys will be on the show today too. You can catch a ride with us after if you want, and we can go to a restaurant for dinner, then onto a club." He grinned, "If you're free after the show."
"Sure." I smiled back, "But what about clothes?"
"Huh?" He questioned.
"I meant, what about like the dress code. We don't have anything special with us."
"Oh." He looked pensive, "You don't have to wear anything dressy." I could tell there was some disappointment in his voice.
"No. I do." I smirked, "I'll try and get our minions to skip back to the hotel and pick up some stuff."
"Good idea." He smiled back, shaking himself from scrutinising my face, "We should get going; the show will start soon."
Had he been gazing at my face? I inwardly laughed at my own optimism. I stood and we left the room together, destined for the green room.
Face flushed with pride at my own good fortune, accompanied by a constantly chatting Justin Timberlake, I entered the green room to the beaming faces and bemused smiles of my friends.
"Hi Chris." They all said together in an eerily rehearsed way. I threw them angry looks.
"Everyone, this is Justin Timberlake." I announced, and then turning to Justin, introduced him to my friends.
"That's Emily, that's Joe, that's Stephanie, and that's Ash."
He nodded and said hi to each in turn, then, after I had introduced Ash, he frowned a bit, saying warily,
"You two are dating, aren't you?"
"Never." I spat out, making Ash laugh.
"No we're not." She said more calmly, "That's just stupid journalists. I could never go out with Chris."
"Why not?" Justin pursued.
"Let's just say that there are parts of me that Chris would never want to..."
"Shut up." I shouted, and then explained more vaguely to Justin, "We have been friends for way too long."
"Like me and Brit?" He shrugged, "It didn't stop us."
I could feel the change in atmosphere as my friends all sighed for me. A short silence passed.
"Did I say something wrong?" Justin asked.
"No." Emily jumped in, "We're just a bit tired. We played our last date the other night."
"I know." Justin said.
"Hmm?" Joe murmured.
"I went to the concert."
"You did!" Emily choked out. I knew that she would be in disbelief that he would come to one of our shows or even like our music. Not that Emily thought little of our group, just that she thought little of Justin culturally.
"Yeah. I went with Britney. She's so into you lot."
"She is?" Emily looked mildly horrified for a moment, quickly pasting a smile on her face.
"Yeah," Justin continued uncertainly, "Actually, she kind of has this thing for Chris..." He smiled at me.
"She does?" I choked this time.
"Yeah, she saw some shots of you a while back and she thinks you're hot."
I couldn't help but laugh and my friends joined in, much to Justin's annoyance.
"Sorry, but it's quite funny." I explained, "I mean; me?"
"Come on!" He argued, "It's not like you're unattractive."
I stopped laughing. Did that qualify as a compliment? Had Justin just complimented me on my looks?
"Uh, thanks." I said stiffly.
"Don't worry Justin." Ash called out, "Chris just can't take praise."
I looked nervously at him. After the strange digression, we soon all sat and started talking enthusiastically. I told the others about Justin's proposal of a night out and they all agreed to it, then I set about organising clothes for after the show. Soon, we had the interview after performing our last single, then performed our expected release before N Sync was invited on. When we had left the studio and began preparing to get ourselves ready to go out, my friends starting teasing me about Justin.
"It's not like you're unattractive." Emily whined, taking my hand in hers theatrically.
"Yeah, she's so into you." Joe grinned
"Sounds like he was projecting his thoughts onto Britney there." Ash smiled.
"Shut up." I protested, "If you keep on, I might start to believe it."
"He seems really nice." Stephanie offered.
"Yeah, he's great." Emily said warmly.
"He's okay," Joe punched me on the arm, "But he's not going to take you away from me, is he?"
"Fuck off." I laughed, adding huskily, "Never baby."
"I can't believe even he thought we were together!" Ash exclaimed.
"What's wrong with these people." Stephanie cried in mock desperation.
We had sent someone back to the hotel to get into our rooms and pick out some clothes for the night's entertainment. I held up my long sleeved, black tee with ripped seams and safety pins stamped in tracks over it, to Ash's face, whining,
"Do you think it's okay?"
"It's fine."
"I'm going to look so ugly!"
"No you're not. You'll look really cool."
"It's too gothic; he's going to think I'm so miserable."
"He's already met you, so he won't think that." She assured me, "Just remember to enjoy yourself. That makes everyone attractive."
"Okay." I sighed, relenting in my wailing and sliding the thin material over my skinny torso, complaining, "God, I look so thin!"
"Maybe he likes thin." Ash laughed, pushing me out of the room.
We all soon changed, and then waited for the guys outside the studios after a hurried introduction to them. They didn't take too long and as they emerged from the building, we had to squeeze ourselves into two limousines that Justin had organised to pick us up, avoiding the small, but very persistent crowd of N Sync fans that had gathered. I was in one with Joe, Ash, Justin and Lance and JC from N Sync. Because of the number of us, I was sat directly beside Justin, myself pressed against the side of the car so as not to crowd him. He smiled at me,
"I like your pants." He commented. They were grey moleskin with a stitching of black on top in squares.
"Thanks," I said calmly, in taking a breath as he rubbed his hand on my thigh.
"What are they? Moleskin?"
"Uh-huh." I nodded, staring at his hand.
"They feel really nice." He smiled broadly at me.
"Can you give me back my leg now?" I asked levelly.
"Oh, sure." He removed his hand. I had made him blush a little. And I felt proud.
I looked him over as he turned to chat to JC and Ash. He wore a ripped edge, black tank that really showed off his musculature, clinging to his chest and expressing the shape of his arms, and buff skate pants with a blue and white strip running down the seam. He had some stubble growth, which spiced his profile a little, complimenting his hair, giving him a deliciously roughened look. I had never really liked preened people, although I sometimes fell shamelessly into that category. He switched his attention back to me, catching me gazing at him. He grinned,
"Brit will think we planned what to wear together."
"Sorry?" I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to revert to "conversational Chris" mode.
"We match."
"Oh," I laughed, "I can walk ten paces behind you, if you like."
"But then I'll have to shout when I want to talk with you." He chuckled, "But if you're embarrassed to have a fashion sense the same as mine..."
"Oh, I wouldn't be embarrassed!" I exclaimed, adding reflectively, "Though I doubt I could fill out many of your clothes."
"You saying that I'm fat?" Justin asked cockily.
"No, just..." I searched my mind for an appropriate word, "Err, buff."
"Thanks." He smiled, his eyes confessing that he could tell I was having difficulty with American slang.
"You must be quite a gym-bunny." I said.
"What?" He laughed at my description, "Yeah, I suppose I am. Don't you work out?"
"Me?" I coughed, "Do I look like I work out?" I clamped my hand to the sides of my belly, emphasizing my small frame.
"You could get a body like that at the gym." Justin argued. His eyes on my torso made me feel awkward.
"Yeah, by standing around drinking water." I chuckled nervously, trying to take the direction of the conversation away from my body. "So, we're meeting her there?"
"Yeah, she should be waiting for us." He raised his eyebrows briefly, saying,
"Nervous?"
"Kind of." I confessed.
"You'll probably be surprised." He waxed, "She's like a regular girl, but so amazingly different."
"Great." I said tightly.
The rest of the ride was continued with only the broken pieces of conversation from the others in the car, as Justin and myself absorbed an uncomfortable silence between us.
I felt a huge amount of relief as we arrived and poured forth from the limousines, migrating in a loose group into the restaurant. Emily gravitated towards me, accompanied by Chris Kirkpatrick, hailing me discreetly and calling a cheerful greeting,
"Hey Romeo." She leaned in and whispered, "You and Justin get closer?" She smiled lewdly. I shook my head, saying,
"It was a pleasant ride."
"So you did?" She laughed to the confused looks given to us from Chris.
"You guys share a lot of private jokes." He said with amusement as Stephanie and Joe broke into hysterics behind us.
"Sorry about that." Emily said, "Maybe one day I'll share a few with you."
I couldn't believe it. I saw the depth in her eyes when she said that, the way she leaned slightly towards him, and the subtle lowering of her voice. Emily was flirting with Chris? I looked back to the action and realised a table had been found and Lance was encouraging us all to get ourselves into the main room. I cast my eyes over the place, seeing quite a few famous faces, and then spotting a lone girl sitting patiently at a huge, rectangular table, busying herself with reading the menu.
"Hey, Britney." Justin cried out.
"Oh, hi." Britney looked up from the thin booklet, standing to await us, "I was beginning to think I'd have the table to myself."
"Well, you know these guys kept us waiting." Ash laughed, "I told them their hair was fine, but, no, back to the curlers."
Britney laughed politely. Justin walked around the table to her and kissed her on the cheek. I averted my eyes.
"Britney, this is Chris." He had dragged her around the table to where I stood.
"I knew that." She said lightly, leaning in to kiss my cheek. I reluctantly returned the greeting. As we drew apart I noticed Justin looked mildly anxious.
"Hi." I said genially, "I've heard that you were responsible for making Justin come to our concert."
"Yes, I was." She smiled, "Very bad of me."
"I'll have to return the favour one day."
"Oh, he don't need no encouragement to come to my concerts, honey." She beamed at me.
"Really? But the music's shit." I didn't say. Damn jealousy.
"But you're going to have to perform with me one day." Britney stated, "I just love what I've heard so far."
"Thanks." I said, "Well, these are the other people you'll have to perform with; Ash, Emily, Joe and Stephanie."
Britney took their hands and shook lightly in turn, saying excitedly to Ash,
"You're the pretty one in all the magazines, aren't you?"
"I guess I must be." Ash said quietly.
"Uh, guys, we should sit down soon; we are blocking the restaurant." JC said jovially as waiters attempted to slide past us with no success.
We all seated ourselves and proceeded to order drinks. Due to the, in my opinion, frankly stupid laws, only a few of us could get any alcohol, despite Emily's attempt at ordering two bottles of wine for all of us.
"Are we not going to be able to drink at all tonight?" Ash groaned.
"Don't worry, you'll get served in the club." Joey reassured her.
"What club are we going to?" I asked, "We haven't really been here long enough to know all the places to go out in New York."
"We were just going to drive to the nearest one that we are signed up to." Justin revealed.
"Signed up to?" I asked.
"Like, got a membership for. Those clubs don't allow any scary fans or journalists to get in, so we can enjoy ourselves and not be hassled all night." Lance explained.
"Oh." I nodded, "But isn't it a bit, I don't know, boring."
"Why?"
"Well, it's so safe. And you'll only ever see the same people." I elaborated, "The members."
"We hardly ever go to a club often enough to see every one who is a member, so each time we go there'll be different people there." Joey said.
"Anyway, we don't really go out to meet new people." Lance added.
"What? Why not?" Joe asked.
"Because what would we do once we'd met new people?" JC laughed, "Say; nice meeting you, but I've got to go back to my professional life now."
"We wouldn't really be able to make new friends, because we couldn't tell them anything that would be damaging if it ended up in the papers." Chris furthered the argument.
"We only ever meet new people through work." Justin finished.
"You haven't been famous for long, have you?" Britney looked at us.
"No." Stephanie affirmed.
"It sounds like we have very sheltered futures awaiting us." Ash complained.
"If you want a taste of real life, you just have to dress down and hope nobody recognises you." JC said brightly, "But you just can't tell people the truth about you, even vaguely, because they'll end up sussing you out."
"Problems of a high profile life." Justin muttered.
"Come on," I smiled in the sexiest way I could imagine, "There are some benefits; we may never have met otherwise."
"I'll drink coke to that!" JC announced pompously.
We all raised our glasses, oddly reminiscent of that night in Emily's back garden, toasting our future friendship. As I brought the prickling liquid to my lips, I caught Justin looking at me from the corner of my eye with confusion painted liberally on his face, whilst Britney also threw me some private smiles, not unnoticed by him.
The shadows and gaudy lights of the club soothed my mind and body like a drug. Of course there were also the three doubles of bacardi I'd drunk too, but I preferred to believe my environment influenced my present state. I sat on a handy bench just off the dance floor, elevated slightly on a platform, enabling me to cast my eyes over the rigorously dancing forms of my friends. 'All on my own some' the thought brought a smile to my face that broadened even more as I turned to see Justin striding towards me. He looked somewhat nervous, not looking me in the eyes for too long.
"Hey J!" I sang with the stupid smile still on my face.
"Hey." He said in an oddly reserved tone. He threw himself onto the bench beside me. I could feel the tension in his muscles clogging the air between us.
"You okay?" I said with the concern and doubt obvious in my tone.
"Err, I wanted to ask you something Chris." He said in a broken sentence.
"Ah!" I smiled, 'That would be that you're hopelessly in love with me' I didn't say.
"Are you attracted to Britney?"
"Huh?" I choked slightly on the draught of pungent bacardi I had just taken.
"At dinner you kept, like, coming onto her and stuff."
"Did I?" I nearly laughed, but stopped myself, as I didn't want to offend him.
"Yeah," He said stiffly, "And you know that she likes you..."
"Well, you don't have to worry." I swung an arm around his shoulders, "I have absolutely no interest in Britney romantically."
"But what about at dinner?" He whined, "The things you were saying; they were kinda flirty."
"Who said I was saying them to Britney?" I raised my eyebrows, and then returned to my drink.
"Huh?" He screwed up his face at me.
"You've got to learn not to take what I say too seriously J, unless, of course, the situation demands serious." I smiled.
"You are one strange man." Justin chuckled.
"I pride myself on it." I smiled back, "You know? I haven't danced all night."
"There's plenty of room." Justin mused; smiling as he noticed my insistent look directed at him, "Would you like a dance?" He held out his hand to me as he stood.
"I thought you'd never ask." I breezed from my seat theatrically.
"You're crazy." Justin giggled as we made our way to the fracturing crowd of dancers.
"Crazy for something..." I muttered as we began to dance to the drilling melodies.
tbc......
Whaddaya think? Email me and make me happy.
Kris