Soon morning came Tenzin Stephen
(It happened in the small Tibetan town of Dharamsala in Himachal Pradesh, India)
My story starts in the late 80s and its still on the roll. I do not know where its going to take me but I have hope in my heart and I wake up every morning thinking or rather wishing that today will be the day when I will meet my dream boy. Night comes and I find myself alone again in bed fantasizing about someone somewhere. I fret at times and to cool myself off, I dig deep into my trunk for the hidden pin up books I bought when I was in Europe. I look at these gorgeous boys and I jerk myself off. At other times when I am not that depressed, I write about how proud I am to be none other than me. Either way it isn't that bad as it used to be. I get my fair chances to sneak out and go to GayBombay parties in Bombay and some other fancy parties in Delhi though I rarely get lucky.
It was way back in my teen years when I first came to terms with reality. At an age of 13, I had sex with a girl much younger than me and my god it was something when that juicy stuff rolled out of my instrument. I guess the girl was too young to produce any juice but still her gripping me strong was quite a sensation. I was so sure then that I would be crazy about chicks all my life. I do not know how things changed. I was best friends with all the girls and I was an alien to the boys world. My parents thought it would be wise to keep me close with girls so that I would behave. Gradually I came to understand that I am attracted to boys rather than girls. At night in the boarding school I attended, in the dormitory I used to wake up in the middle of night and play with older boys' penises sometimes in secret and sometimes the boys themselves didn't resent. I remember this one instance when I woke up late at night and crawled into another boy's bed. He didn't move or did anything but he gradually got a hard on. I got tired after too much play, I decided to leave him alone but the moment I began to move my hands away, he grabbed them. My heart was pumping like a mad man's wondering what's he going to do now. Will he tell the whole school what I was doing? Oh man that was shitty scary. But to my surprise, he took my hands to his groin to pump it for some more time until he came. I was too young to be tasting the cum and to be honest it put me off a bit when he threw the stuff all over my hands. I cleaned it off on his underwear and went to bed.
Another interesting incident you might want to hear is - when I was sixteen I shared a room with another boy named Thinley of the same age. He is cute and he was one of those guys who are most sought after by girls. It was during the rainy monsoon season. Another night of rain and thunder and the roof on top of my bed was leaking. The raindrops were falling directly upon me. I didn't know what to do so the only solution, as it seemed was to go sleep in my roommate's bed. I woke him up and asked him if I could get into his bed and explained why. He said yes. About two hours past and he was fast asleep. I was still awake and getting hornier and hornier feeling his naked body next to mine. I didn't know where to start cause I really wanted to fuck him so bad.
An idea popped up! I gently took his hand and placed it on my hard dick. If he takes it away, that means he is not interested. So I placed it there and waited for a couple of seconds. Amazingly he started to rub my dick covered in white underwear. He then slowly removed my underwear. Both of us in the dark without even speaking a word started the business. We were both elated. I jerked him off and he did the same to me. I didn't want to take him in my mouth. I knew what blowjob is but still I was a novice and didn't want to indulge in anything, which seemed like filth at the time. Strange enough, I attempted to have him suck my dick instead, his lips were tightly closed but still I took the tip of my penis with my hand and tried to shove it in. He resented, so I just rubbed it gently over his mouth and face. The sensation was great. He also tried to experiment. He made me turn upside down so that he could get into me but then I wasn't sure how it was supposed to work. I just kept my butts tightly closed and he didn't get his way. We kept jerking off each other. For sometime he made love to the area between my thighs and at the end we both came. He threw his loads on my stomach and I threw mine on his. Tired we lay there in silence hugging each other and rubbing out sweaty wet bodies.
Those were adventures, including peeking into shower rooms. The guy later moved to the US with his family and I lost touch with him. I heard he enrolled himself in the military. Does that supposed to mean something? The real thing that hit my heart came some years later at 18. It was my second last year in high school, some new students have come from distant places and I became fast friends with a guy named Paulden. He was very good looking. He was a mixed breed; oriental mixed with Indian, which makes a guy chocolaty and hot. I fell for him right from the first instant I saw him. He was from a troubled family and he poured out his heart to me. I helped him get through tough times and in return he offered me solid company. I used to feel proud having him around me all the time - you know in the school cafeteria, library, etc. He was the center of attention and everyone knew that we were best of friends.
A year went by and we shared a room together in the school hostel. I was slowly falling madly in love with him. I am bound not to tell him anything. But I thought he knew my feelings. Depression hit me hard on and he would ask me, "Tell me what's going on in your head, I'll see if I could cure you". I felt like telling him, "I love you Patrick, I can't live without you, I want to make love to you and live my life for you and only you". Huh! I didn't have the balls to tell him that. In fact I wasn't scared of him bashing me up but instead I was scared he would say, I like you as a friend and not a lover. What world was I living in? I thought I was in California or Munich instead of this small town in Himachal Pradesh. Those were times before I ever read a gay love story and before I started travelling. As I look back I am amazed by the fact that I was indeed a very open-minded character after all. It never mattered how small a town I grew up in and in what kind of a close-knit society I was raised.
In the middle of summer that year I was caught with Patrick outside the school boundary wandering without permission from the discipline master. The two of us were punished and we weren't allowed to go with the other students to the yearly trek up the snow mountain. It kind of thrilled me - thinking of spending two days and three nights alone with my dear Paulden. During our last night together, we both went to around 11:30 at night. We were both fast asleep. Just before closing my eyes, in the dark I looked at him. He had half of his body covered with white bed sheet exposing his naked slender back and smooth muscled chest in profile with a rim of soft moonlight hitting his body and covering it like a dark painting.
I don't know how to really explain what happened next. I woke up in the middle of the night half conscious. I found myself getting up and taking off my clothes. I stood in darkness naked under the moonlight for sometime and then with a hard on, pulled myself into Paulden's bed. I don't remember whether he was asleep or awake. I hugged him and kissed him and even went as far as caressing his short thick penis. Oh remember, he was wearing a tight underwear, so rubbing him with this thing on was not possible, so I touched his soft dick briefly down to the ball and put the cotton back on. I rubbed it without removing his clothing. I touched him all over. A little later I was wide awake. I felt so bad about what I was doing. Paulden was awake as well. He didn't move his body even an inch. He was controlling his breath so that I wouldn't know he was awake. I did all this in a trance of some kind that I don't understand even now. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. Now that I have already started, what ever is going to happen tomorrow will happen. Paulden is the victim here and I the evil molester. It was such an intensely scary moment. Emotions crept in and I began to cry but what the fuck my dick was still erect like ever and seemed like it asking for more. With my body now barely touching him, I masturbated crazy. Oh you bet it couldn't get better. The excitement, the tension, the fear, the shame and above all ecstacy all rolled in one. Heaps of cum oozed out. I lay there in silence for a while after this. Moments later, I hugged him close to me and kissed him softly on his bare back leaving it wet with my tears and went back to my bed.
I couldn't sleep all night worrying about what is going to happen the next day. Several times, I thought of killing myself so that I don't have to see the end of the night. I didn't have the balls to do that either and soon morning came. The other boys started flocking in after their adventure trip bringing with them stories of how they made out with girls. The night before was the last time Paulden ever spoke with me. He turned himself into a mute for me but he didn't spare telling the other boys about me being gay. Of course I am sure he didn't tell the rest how I tried to fuck him. He would be too embarrassed to do that.
After that he tried to make my life miserable closing each and every door he once had wide open for me. I am gay so what? I am not weak. I wanted something and I tried getting it. I didn't get it but it taught me a lesson - a big one. I graduated from high school by the end of that year and I never saw the guy ever again. I had one relationship so far with a man named Thomas. It was more based on satisfying physical needs. I am now really really looking for a man with whom I can share the rest of my life with. I came out to my sister a year ago and she doesn't seem to mind. I don't see the point of coming out to my dad cause I am sure he wouldn't understand and mom has left for heaven a long time back. I am now a happy man proud of who I am.
Copy rights: tenzin Stephen 2002
So guys, what do you think of the story. As an after note I would like to tell you that this is my true story. I am a Tibetan and my second name here is not my real name. I have never met another gay Tibetan but most of the time I am interested in white guys. Don't know why... You may respond to me at this email address: tenzsteph@mail.com