Soulmating

S O U L M A T I N G ============================ by reid

||||||||||||||||| || DISCLAIMER || |||||||||||||||||

This story is meant to imply nothing about the sexuality of the real people involved. Anything mentioned from this point on is purely fictional and not meant in any way but the highest regard.

The lyrics used within are not meant to imply anything about the individual preferences, practices, or lifestyle choices any of the musical artists mentioned. The lyrics are not used for any personal monetary profit...

If you have any objections to my writing, then why in the name of Jesus are you reading this? I know some of you might like Hanson but I don't buy the whole "I didn't know it was a GAY STORY!" defense. So shut up and don't send me any more hate mail you stupid, obesessed little Christian girls.

As always.... Comments, Suggestions, and Criticisms can be sent to saboteur_98155@yahoo.com

I'm trying hard to stay away from the "sophomore letdown" with my second story. I hope you're all liking it and eagerly anticipating further chapters. Or you can just enjoy it and that's fine too.

WARNING!!! My stories contain mature themes and may project images or scenarios that are inappropriate for younger or sensative readers.

I can be reached on ICQ at 70639912... Or on AIM at Reid00005992...

Enjoy!

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| || Protect & Serve- Chapter 2 || ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Taylor didn't really want to wake up all that much. It had been hard enough to fall asleep in the hotel room with the knowledge of what could be happening back in Tulsa. He didn't want to wake up and have to stay strong for his little siblings. He wanted to curl up under the covers and shake with worry and not have to be strong. Just the thought of Zac being murdered in cold blood by some freak who didn't know or care how important he was made Tay feel torn to pieces inside. It made him feel helpless to know that he was stuck here while Zac was in so much danger.

After a while, Taylor could feel the sun coming in through the window and shine warmly on his bare back. The night before, he'd felt hot and achy all over and the only way he could even so much as get drowsy was to stretch out on his stomach. Burying his face in the pillow, he groaned weekly and tried to achieve some sense of inner calm by not moving and forgetting about what had happened. Every time he tried to think of something else, the thought of Jason with his... Oh god... Jason. The guy who was always willing to put his life on the line for them had done just that. Taylor's stomach churned and he squirmed against the bed, taking a shuddering breath and felt tears form in his eyes. Clenching them shut tightly and kicking the bed several times seemed to do some good but it just didn't help.

He felt so Goddamn helpless. Why did it have to happen to Zac? If it had happened to him, he would have understood because they had made it a point to have him act desirable... but not Zac. Zac was just his sweet, goofy self. He didn't deserve to go through this. Tay tried to justify it over and over and he laid there, sobs wracking his body as he bit the pillow as hard as he could. His toes curled against the bed and he clenched his mouth shut, causing his body to jerk and shake with fear induced tears.

In a moment, he felt himself being lifted and held. Without thinking, Taylor instinctively buried his face in the neck of his consoler and sobbed like a little boy. For an instant, he was ashamed but the security he felt did wonders for his already fractured psyche. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he gasped for air and eventually calmed down a bit.

"Hey... it's gonna be ok." Isaac said softly.

Tay fell back and wiped his eyes, "Why now?"

Isaac sat back and leaned against the headboard, "I don't know, Tay."

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Taylor said and rested his arms across his bent knees.

Ike shrugged, "I hope so."

Neither brother said anything to one another as they sat there. Taylor knew that no matter how much they tried to protect Zac, no one would know how he thought. They wouldn't know how to reassure him. Zac was so special... he needed to be treated just the right way. There was no way they could know how. No way. When he felt comfortable, Zac needed to know that he could be sweet and quiet and he didn't need to put on an act. They couldn't know everything about him. Crystal tears began to flow down Tay's pale cheeks and he felt Ike hug him again, and he cried... he cried because for the first time, he couldn't be the big brother to Zac...

Honestly, I knew the moment would be coming when the cabin fever became too much for Zac to bear any further. After breakfast, he asked if Haynes and I would accompany him to the local shopping mall. At first, it didn't seem like a good idea to me, but Haynes seemed to be okay with it. The lack of prior experience was to my disadvantage but I'd have to let Haynes determine which places would be safe and which wouldn't. She assured me that as long as we both had Zac within eyesight, there wouldn't be any discernible danger. It was also to our advantage, apparently, that we would be in a public place which would lend us some breathing room. I was still a bit skeptic.

When Zac came down from his room, I was just a bit taken aback. Since growing up in the spotlight hadn't given him much privacy when going out in public, he had donned the most unseeming outfit I could have ever imagined. Baggy black jeans, baggy v-neck white T-shirt, dark sunglasses, and a black stocking cap that hid his long hair. He looked like Eminem's midwestern homie. But he seemed actually pretty happy. It was good to see that he was relaxing a bit and not worrying so much or obsessing about his safety. I credited it to Haynes, given her easy going nature and friendliness and I also had to acknowledge that his mom had a big hand in it. She was a very sweet person and it was rubbing off on Zac, obviously.

Haynes drove us there while I sat in the back seat next to Zac. It felt like there was an odd vibe between us, not awkward, but very pulsating and palpable. I could almost taste it. It was hard to try and ignore because the ride was so quiet and peaceful in the heavy duty SUV the highway patrol had loaned us. Not a bump hit us as the car traveled down the highway, the day already becoming quite hot. But it was a dry heat, which wasn't nearly as miserable as coastal summer weather. Leaning my elbow against the window, I sighed and rested my cheek against my hand, looking out at the flatlands traveling by at the speed limit.

After letting my mind wander, a soft weight suddenly pressing against me brought me back into reality. I looked down and saw that Zac had fallen asleep, leaning his head on my shoulder. I froze up and looked around awkwardly, not knowing what exactly to do. Feeling his breath on my neck made me more nervous and I tried to firmly but gently shift him over so that his head would tit the other way, but I didn't have any luck. In his sleep, Zac murmured and nuzzled my neck intuitively.

"Haynes," I said, squirming, "We have a situation back here."

She looked in the rear view mirror, "Awww... cuddle him."

"No, Haynes." I said through my teeth.

"Well, put your arm around him," She looked at me disapprovingly, "Cameron, I thought you were supposed to be gifted when it came to dealing with people."

"Well, yeah. On simulations."

Haynes looked back at me silently for a few seconds before I closed my eyes and halfheartedly cursed myself for not having my guard up against such an attack. Slowly, I draped my arm around his shoulders and relaxed, surprised at how easily my arm contoured to his body. Zac sighed in his sleep and nuzzled me again, and settled back against me comfortably. I sighed and let my head fall back, relieved that he didn't break in half or turn to dust in my arms. I gently patted him on the back and watched as Haynes smiled favorably at me in the rear view mirror.

Zac was catching up on lost sleep and for the rest of the ride, he laid peacefully against me, barely moving except to breathe. Eventually, my body untensed and it wasn't bad at all. I felt needed and that itself was a very rewarding sensation. As we got closer to the mall, the number of cars increased and when we drove back into civilization, the sidewalks were bustling with pedestrians. Deep down, I knew that this trip was simply to keep Zac from going stir crazy but I also found myself wanting to make sure that he had a good time. He's a fifteen-year-old boy. He needs to get out in the world.

The car rocked slightly as Haynes pulled into the parking lot. The movement woke Zac up and he yawned, sitting back and rubbing his eyes. When he stopped, he seemed to realize where he'd been sleeping and he looked apologetic but not regretful. Zac smiled and there was an odd wisdom in his brown eyes.

"Hey... sorry. I didn't mean to go to sleep on you."

"It's okay," I said and unbuckled the seatbelt, "We're here."

"Cool." He said and unbuckled himself before putting on the sunglasses and cap.

Haynes opened the car door and I stepped out, momentarily blinded by the glare of the sun until I donned my sunglasses. Taking a quick scan of the parking lot, nothing looked too threatening and Zac climbed out after me, his appearance altered to a surprisingly effective change. The only thing that could give him away would be his nose or his jawline, but it was unlikely. The lack of long hair was going to help things out quite a bit. After checking the holster around my waist, neatly hidden under the bottom hem of the T-shirt, Haynes gave me the go ahead.

We walked towards the entrance of the mall, looking as low-key as possible. Zac and I walked side by side with Haynes following us a few feet away and we did our best to look relaxed. No one gave us an odd look as we walked through the doors, and the coolness of the interior made me shiver slightly. Still no one looking too threatening, no one looking like they recognized Zac, no one looking like they were trying to tail us or anything along those lines. Save for a female employee at the As Seen On TV store who felt gracious enough to size me up with her eyes.

I shook my head and leaned close to Zac, "Where do you want to go?"

He shrugged, "I dunno. I hadn't planned past this point."

I turned my head and looked back at Haynes, shrugging. She nodded and backed off a bit, occupying herself with the items in a stationary storefront. Zac and I walked forward, looking relaxed and normal, nothing more than two friends hanging out at the local shopping mall. Still no one recognized him as we walked down the main concourse of the mall, occasionally stopping to look inside assorted stores. As we did so, Zac seemed to loosen up a great deal and from what was visible, the kid seemed to be enjoying himself. Getting back out in society was helping him quite a bit.

"Hey, let's look in here." He said, indicating a Ragz clothing store.

Before I could say anything, his hand grabbed mine and he pulled me inside and my ears were drowned with loud, booming pop rock music. As my eyes scanned the inventory, I noticed that this was some sort of neo-slacker store that specialized in two sizes of clothes: baggy and extra-baggy. The cashier paid us next to no mind as Zac led me through the aisles of clothes. Several times, I tried to look behind and see if Haynes had followed us but the racks of clothing were so tall, I couldn't see a thing. After what felt like quite a while, we stopped and Zac nearly dove into the rack of clothing.

"We gotta find you some cool gear." He mumbled as he rifled through the merchandise.

"Yeah, just be careful." I said and again tried to see beyond the garments, but having no luck.

Zac made a triumphant sound as he pulled out what looked like a skintight body shirt made out of shiny green vinyl. After making a trumpeting noise with his noise, Zac held it out to me and smiled haughtily. It only took me a split second to realize that he wanted me to try it on, but there was no way. No damn way. I shook my head and pushed it away, trying to form words to tell him that there wasn't a chance in hell.

"Zac... no." I said, being sure not to say his name loud enough.

"Awww, come on..." He said and I knew that behind the glasses, his eyes were gleaming.

"No." I said it, trying to sound final but only sounding like a passive aggressive parent.

"Pwease?" He said and pouted, sniffling like some Disney film character.

"Damn," I said, shaking my head, "You're a piece of work."

"Pwetty pwease?" He said and laid his forehead on my shoulder.

There was no way out of it. He had me wrapped around his little finger and there was no other way to explain it or get out of it. It came to me at that point that Zac was not going to stop until I was human. He was going to break down my government made, steel reinforced inner wall until I was... a person. Just the thought of it made me very tired, just knowing what I was going to be in for. Resignedly, I took the shirt and Zac lifted his head from my shoulder and grinned.

"Yeah, all right." I said and rolled my eyes as I went into the small dressing room.

Zac stayed right outside the door, close enough so that I could see his raggedy black Converse All Stars as I pulled off my T-shirt. The dressing room was hot and it smelled like others who didn't have access to showers had used it many a time. Overhead, the speakers continued to blare their rock offerings to the world as I squeezed into the shirt, feeling it constrict around me like Saran rap. I blessed myself for wearing an undershirt so that the shirt wouldn't have to be taken off with turpentine. Turning around, I looked at myself in the dressing room mirror, forced to admit that I didn't look half-bad in it.

"Hey... come out and show me." Zac said after knocking on the door briskly.

"No, this is fine."

"Pleeeease?" He said in a begging tone.

"Zac..."

"Please, Reid. I love you."

Pushing down the weird feeling in my stomach that his words gave me, I sighed and pushed the dressing room door open. Zac bent over, covering his mouth as he laughed and I rolled my eyes. The cashier had moved over to the side of the store and she was folding shirts when I came out. When she saw me, she smiled and nodded approvingly. I just shook my head and tried to make sure that the shirt wasn't going to meld itself to my body. Zac stood up straight and smiled again, reaching out and rubbing the tight vinyl and persisting even when I swatted his hand away.

"Oooh baby... you look foine!" He said, complete with exaggerated gestures.

I didn't say anything before going back in the dressing room and peeling the shirt off me, but not able to forget what had just happened. As if his words weren't enough, Zac had touched me. When he rubbed my shoulder, it was very gentle and it was almost as if he was sending a message to me. Before that, his plea to get me out of the dressing room had almost caused me to faint if I hadn't put it out of my mind so quickly. It came back to me at that moment and my head felt light and dizzy, the heat of the dressing room making me lightheaded. I was so dizzy that I had to sit down on the bench and take a deep breath, but what Zac had done and said wasn't something that I could forget about.

Another knock came on the door to the dressing room. Zac's voice carried in and he sounded worried, "Hey Reid? Are you okay in there?"

"Yeah," I said, my mouth feeling dry, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just have to get this thing off me."

"Oh okay." He said and I could hear him singing along softly with the music over the speakers.

Very slowly, I pulled my T-shirt back on and leaned against the wall. Closing my eyes and breathing deeply, I rubbed my eyes and clenched my jaw, trying to refocus myself. After leaning forward and getting some blood back in my brain, I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Zac's feet. He had slipped off one of the shoes and was digging the toe of his sock into the heel. He wore black socks. How odd. Sweat began to form on my hairline as I noticed that the toe of the sock was missing and I could see his big toe sticking out. The sight of his tanned skin and pale toenail made me feel weak again and I took a few more deep breaths, recovering as best I could.

Silently checking the holster and standing up without much problem, I pushed open the door of the stall and walked out. Zac had been leaning back against the wall and smiled when he saw me. My mouth still felt like cotton as we walked back into the main mall, and it felt good to be back in the light. Still no one noticed or recognized Zac and I looked behind me, reassured to still see Haynes following us. We hadn't lost her. That was a very good thing.

Eventually we made our way down the mall to the food court. My mouth hadn't gotten any better and Haynes had agreed to let us get a snack while she called and let everyone know we were okay. Opting for unsweetened iced tea and watching Zac fill a super tanker sized cup with Dr. Pepper. We sat down at a table just about in the center of the sea of humanity, right under the large skylight. I took a long, satisfying sip of the tea while Zac slurped some of the Dr. Pepper. When my mouth was remoistened suitably, I scanned the area and made sure we could relax, but not after checking the holster.

After several minutes, I noticed Zac was nervously moving his cup back and forth, looking down at his hands. Something about him seemed wide of the mark and he seemed to be uncharacteristically quiet. Maybe it was the strain of everything that happened coming back in some sort of relapse. I tapped the tabletop softly with my fingernail and tried my best to not make it look like I was observing him.

"Hey... I guess I got a little goofy back there. I don't mean to make you feel weird." He said, not looking up.

"Nah, it's okay." I said and nudged his arm.

"What I mean is... I like you, Reid."

"I like you too, Zac." I said and I meant it.

"No, I mean... it's like... urgh, forget it." He sat back and drummed the top of the table.

"You can tell me." I leaned forward.

Zac paused and took a deep breath, "Do you ever think that in a really short time, you can feel things that you know are the way things are supposed to be? I mean... do you think that you can know stuff really quickly that you don't need to think about?"

I shrugged, "I suppose so."

He shifted in his chair, "That came out wrong... I don't know how to put it... Do you ever think that you can know that something, like some feeling, like it's the one that you're meant to feel even though you just felt it?"

I took another drink, "I guess it's possible. Like a 'once in a lifetime' thing?"

"Yeah! Exactly. That's exactly what I mean. Like you know that the way you feel is the kind of feeling that you only feel once but it's so strong that it doesn't matter how quick or how sudden it is... you know that it's meant to be."

I shrugged again, "I guess so. It's never happened to me."

"Oh," He slumped back and looked at his hands again, "Do you think it ever will?"

"I don't know. For the sake of my own happiness, I hope it does."

"It's weird that it hasn't happened yet. I mean, don't you have a girlfriend?"

"No," I chuckled, "I've neither had the time nor the energy to have a girlfriend."

"Have you ever done anything... I mean... you know..."

"I came close," I said, feeling good to talk honestly about it, "But it didn't turn out very well."

"Oh. I don't think I'll ever do anything."

I smiled, "All those fans..."

Zac scrunched up his face, "Ewww... not likely. As if I'd let one of those screaming, annoying girls see me naked."

"I didn't mean the girls."

"Oh," He nodded, "Well, it would take a really amazing guy to be my first time. All the 50-year-old weirdoes and Internet trolls who send me their nasty underwear don't exactly fit my criterion. It may sound weird or arrogant or mean but it's just how I am. I'm not going to let just anyone be with me. I mean, being gay isn't some ticket to sleep around like a hooker, you know?"

It made a lot of sense. For a fifteen-year-old kid, he was very intelligent and wise beyond his years. There were times when I listened to him speak that his words could have conceivably come from a person twenty or thirty years older than him. I gained a lot of new respect when I heard him say that. It showed me that even at his age, people are very capable of having high standards and holding those standards not only to themselves but to others. He was very impressive. Very mature and very confident.

I took a sip of the tea and watched as Zac fidgeted with his cup, making a drumming noise with his mouth. Again, it was one of the silences that seemed to occur between us that wasn't awkward but in fact, very comfortable. Zac yawned and scratched under the cap, coming perilously close to exposing his true identity. We rested for a few seconds, and I looked around the foodcourt, watching the crowd that was beginning to file in for the lunch time rush. Eventually, we stood up and walked casually out of the cafeteria, and I noticed Zac stayed close to me. As we walked, he was so close that his arm brushed against mine. The small voice in the back of my head kept squealing about holding his hand which the notion of doing so just seemed so... wrong.

We met back up with Haynes outside the movie theater before going back out into the sunny heat of the parking lot. The ride home was quiet and very mellow as Zac again fell asleep, but thankfully leaning his head on the window on his right side. Halfway back to the house, Haynes got a call from the field office concerning her passport, but that was all that happened. Nothing was said, really, and the soft ride was relaxing. It was a productive trip, quite frankly. Zac got out and got some fresh air and some sun and spent some time in humanity, I got to go out too and see what these weird shopping mall things were... and we had talked.

I didn't think about what we had talked about for the sake of my own mental health. I thought about how much more complicated this whole thing was turning out to be especially since Zac was making such an impression on me. He was humanizing me little by little. He was making me feel all these new emotions and while it was very scary and very challenging, the little voice was starting to get louder. It was almost screaming at me to do... things. The voice suggested that I do things that just weren't natural, they weren't things that I was supposed to do.

My first assignment and it was challenging my whole life. How was I supposed to react?

I never liked night vision binoculars. They didn't look like a natural way to view the world but if it kept Zac safe, then it was all right. It wasn't like my current vantagepoint could afford me much control over the situation. Haynes, Aker, and Coppinger were all in the house, allowing me some time to be by myself in the "stakeout house" next door. It was a sparsely furnished two-story house that had an excellent view of the entire Hanson estate from it's slightly raised viewpoint. The rooms were empty except for the surveillance equipment and the two cots set up for the agents who'd been staying here.

When she walked me over, Haynes introduced me to the two surveillance agents. They seemed like okay enough guys but I got an obvious vibe that they both wanted Agent Haynes and felt that I was getting to spent too much time with her. Something told me they had been vying for her affections for quite a while. They seemed to calm down when I put on my best outgoing nature and realized I wasn't trying to steal their amazonian goddess from them. Sitting there in the growing dusk, I chuckled softly and took a sip from the bottle of water sitting on the windowsill.

Agent Mathis, the younger of the surveillance agents, came into the room carrying two cups of coffee. After handing one cup to me, he sat down across from me, turned on the small flashlight and picked back up the copy of Variety he'd been reading. I knew that he was eyeing a career in the entertainment industry but he wasn't arrogant about it. He was willing to work and I respected that.

I took a sip of the coffee and looked back through the binoculars. A quick scan of the estate didn't show anything out of place. The lights were on in the house and I could see the outlines of conversation and general relaxed socializing in the living room. Haynes had quickly won over Mrs. Hanson and her friends, and they had accepted her. My head rested back against the wall in the dark room as my mind began to work. It made me kind of jealous but I was also glad that they trusted at least one of us. The whole issue about my age was probably still standing in the way and it most likely always would be there. I'd be fighting Andy Griffith and Barney Fife for respect until I killed Romaad or he killed Zac on my watch. Either I'd win them over or fail them miserably. Not like I cared or anything.

When my tongue caught the taste of blood, I knew that I'd been chewing on my lip too much. After dabbing it tenderly on a Kleenex, I leaned forward and looked through the binoculars again, relieved not to see anything out of place. Everything is safe and sound from this viewpoint, good buddy. Without thinking, I took a sip of coffee and winced when it hit the raw patch on my lower lip. I was glad to be out here in the darkness, close enough to do my job but far enough away to keep from thinking too much about it.

Mathis stood up, "I'm gonna hit the head. Keep an eye on things."

I nodded and turned back to the window as he walked out of the room carrying the magazine. I exhaled and rubbed my eyes, gradually feeling the fatigue of a day that was tenser than it outwardly seemed. From outside the window, I could hear the crickets in the warm night and as they kept on, it had a tranquilizing influence on my system. I took another look through the binoculars and leaned against the wall, adjusting my hips on the steel of the folding chair. My head slumped against the wall and I slipped into an alert but slightly casual drowse. My ears stayed on alert for any noise and my arms were folded in front of me, ready to uncoil and unholster my gun at a moment's notice.

The crickets continued to chirp outside and the tepid dark air hung around me, causing goosebumps to stand up on my bare arms and under the collar of my T-shirt. It was so quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the faint music from the stereo playing in the main house and an occasional rustling of the breeze as it blew through the trees just outside the window. It was a peaceful, beautiful summer night. Finally, my body got a little respite as I was able to forget about all the pressure and at least get a little relaxation. Haynes could handle it.

There was a slight creak and immediately, my brain rifled back to full consciousness. My foot came down from its perch on the windowsill and my hand flew to the holster and in a flash, I had the gun free and was pointing it towards the source of the noise. My body jerked to the right and just like that, I was in firing position, ready to take him out.

"Fuck, how much of that are you gonna do to me?" Zac said, his hands up passively.

My shoulders sagged and the gun pointed downwards, "Damn it, Zac."

"I just wanted to come see you." He said and walked forward tentatively.

"Did you come here all alone?"

"Yeah," He sat down casually on the mattress, "Bad of me?"

I holstered the gun and picked up the two-way radio, "You're supposed to be with Haynes or I at all times."

"Oh." He nodded.

After several tries, I was able to contact Haynes and let her know that Zac had taken it upon himself to cross the yard on his own. She sounded a bit annoyed but we both knew that it was really a short walk. After promising to bring him back with me at bedtime, I turned the radio off and stretched, the stress coming back to me as I knew Zac was looking at me.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's okay." I said and we were both quiet.

"Did something happen?" I asked and handed him a Coke from the small cooler by the chair.

"Nah," He said as he took a gulp, "I just don't like being alone. I'm so used to hanging out and having somebody always there with me that it's tough to be alone so much all at once."

"Ah." I said and watched as Mathis looked in the room briefly. We made eye contact before he nodded and went back down the hall.

"I mean, I know that it wasn't a good idea to come over here alone but I just... I guess was willing to take the risk. I guess I just miss everybody. I don't know." Zac said and he idly fooled with a lighter, flicking it on and off.

"You'll see them again pretty soon. Everything will be okay." I said and cautiously sipped the coffee.

"Are you guys gonna catch this dude soon?"

I wasn't sure what to say, "Probably. He can't run forever."

"What are the chances... I mean, how likely is it that you could get hurt doing this?"

"It's hard to say," I frowned, not sure what he was getting at yet again, "Why?"

"I'm just wondering. Like, if it comes down to it, you'd probably have to put your life on the line?"

"If it comes down to it, yes."

"Oh..." He said and idly played with the tab on the soda can.

"That most likely won't happen. It would take quite a blatant attack for him to get close enough to you for me to need to put myself on the line. He may be smart but he isn't smart enough to outwit me." I said, not consciously trying to reassure him.

Zac smiled slightly, "That's why I came out here. I guess I don't feel safe when you're not with me."

"Just doing my job." I said and rolled my head around, trying to stretch my neck muscles.

"Hey Reid," He said and leaned forward, his face only a few inches below mine, "I figured out what I wanted to ask you earlier."

I turned back from the window, "What's that?"

He smiled again and pursed his lips, "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

His words sent a warm jolt through my body, making my stomach feel like it was being whirled in a blender. I felt my hands begin to shake as he looked up at me, his eyes focused on me. They were wise but at the same time, very young and very dependent. It was a look of longing mixed with trust. It was a look that told me all I needed to know about his feelings. In just over one day, he knew. He had decided that it was me. Something that was more than I could ever see or comprehend had helped him realize that mine was the company he desired. He knew. The look in his eyes told me that he knew for sure that I was... the one. The one for him and something inside his look was starting to sell me on the concept.

Suddenly, the air felt heavy. It didn't feel calm and warm anymore. It felt hot and heavy as I inhaled it deeply into my lungs and the same magnetic pull I'd felt on that first morning began to come back. My lips felt warm all of a sudden and my face began to feel itself being pulled forward. I looked down and saw Zac licking his lips slightly as he brought his own face forward, towards me. I tried to pull back but it was as if my body was moving against my will, it was going to break the rules and do what felt right. It was going to compromise the security of the entire assignment in one second... it was going to throw it all away just to do what feels right. My mind screamed at me to stop but the screaming was stopped as if one thick warm blanket had been thrown over and muffled it.

Our lips met. His warm, pillowly lips pressed against mine, touching them with their warm softness as he kissed me for the first time. My body shivered only slightly and my hand went from my knee to the back of his head as I began to stroke the softness of his hair. The kisses were light and gentle as he brushed his lips against mine and kissed me tenderly, and I could feel the tip of his nose brush my cheek as he did it. Slowly, I ran my fingers through his loose ponytail and down his back, resting my hand on his shoulder and holding him, feeling the warmth of his skin through the T-shirt he was wearing.

My eyes had stayed open, they were the last part of my being that was still trying to hold back and hang onto logic. When Zac closed his eyes, I knew that the logical side of my brain didn't stand a chance. His kisses were so relaxing and so intimate, yet still so pure, that it seemed to pull me in. It was like his kisses were the last concrete form of innocence left in a world full of crime and hatred... everything that I worked around. Except now.

"Cameron?" Haynes' voice filtered through the small speaker of the two-way radio.

Pulling away from Zac, I grabbed the radio and sat back in the chair, "Yeah? What do you need?"

"I need you guys to come back over here right now. Alert Agent Mathis and Agent Anderson and tell them to come over with you. Cameron, be on the watch as you walk over and be alert for possible commencement of hostilities."

"Whoa..." Zac said, his face white as a sheet.

His one word comment pretty much summed me up as well. Haynes had just told us about an 18-year-old kid that had been found murdered in the bathroom of a gay bar only a few hundred miles away. Apparently, the kid had gone into the bathroom and been attacked by some mystery assailant. After being knocked unconscious with a blow to the head, his neck had been sliced with a length of piano wire. When Haynes had mentioned it, Zac made a soft moaning sound and the look on his face was one of almost guilt. We were all pretty speechless, even counting Zac.

"Yeah. We're pretty sure it was our man." Haynes said, sitting back down.

"So what do we do?" I asked.

"We go on full alert. No one gets into this house without full conformation on who they are. There will be a guard sitting by both doors at all times. Agents Mathis and Anderson will be moving from the house next door to here, for the immediate future," She turned to me, "Cameron, you're going to be staying with Zac in his room at all times."

Zac almost seemed to smile a little as Haynes continued, "I've notified the field office in Tulsa and they're going to send over two more agents tonight. The yard will be under heavy surveillance, as will the roads running in front and behind the property. We're going to operate on all assumptions that he knows where the house is and he's planning to try and break in."

"What about the rest of our family?" Mrs. Hanson asked, getting impatient with Haynes.

"They'll be under added security as well. They're as safe as anyone involved with this can be."

"All right." She said.

"Mrs. Hanson," Anderson said, stepping forward, "We want you to join them. A car will be here very soon to take you to Oklahoma City."

She looked at him with incredulity, "That's not going to happen."

Haynes said softly, "It's not an option."

"Not an option?! I will NOT leave my son here alone!"

"He has Agent Cameron to look after him." Haynes said calmly.

"I'm not leaving him." She said and I could feel Zac approaching the edge of sanity.

"Mrs. Hanson... the best thing you can do for Zac is to allow us to keep him under heavy protection. We will keep you informed and we will let you know everything that happens." Haynes was doing her best to explain the situation.

Zac looked up and I could see that his eyes were defeated, "Mom... you better go."

The room was silent for several seconds as Mrs. Hanson rubbed her forehead and exhaled brusquely. She knew that there really wasn't anything she could do. She had no choice. Zac got up from the couch and sat next to her, and she hugged him. They both knew that it had already been decided and I could see a great deal of second-guessing in Haynes' face. I sat back and didn't say anything, the events of the day were just so tiring to me. There wasn't anything to do other than let them have their private mother-son moment so at my insistence, Haynes, Mathis, Anderson, and I left the room silently. It was the least we could do.

It was only a few minutes before the car arrived and Mrs. Hanson did a hasty packing job. Nothing I'd encountered in my job before then was quite as hard to watch as when Zac and his mother had to say goodbye at the end of the driveway. Turning away and trying to look elsewhere as they hugged one more time, my ears caught her telling him to be strong. He didn't cry as she left but as we walked back up to the house, it was pretty clear that he was swallowing hard. His whole family was gone now.

My mind didn't even think about the kiss. It was as if I had relegated it to some distant memory or some odd abstract dream that I'd decided to pay no mind to. I could only hope that Zac was doing the same. I knew that he needed security and he needed to be taken care of but that didn't give me any right to take advantage. It didn't make it okay for me to become involved with him, no matter what he'd said. The kiss was a moment of faulty judgment that would not be repeated. Even as Zac rested himself against me as we went up the front steps, I made a pledge to myself. You're here to take care of him. Nothing more.

When Zac woke me up, the clock by his bed said it was 12:30am. A rollaway bed had been moved into his room without much discussion and we'd spent the rest of the night not saying much. Oddly enough, Zac seemed to have something on the tip of his tongue the whole time. I suppose I wasn't helping him by remaining stone-faced and slightly cold, but it was the only way that the job could get done. Without much words, he'd showed me where the sheets and blankets were and after that, he laid on his bed. Looking at me occasionally. It made the wall around my heart begin to crumble even more.

After I'd fallen asleep in the humid heat, I felt a hand on my shoulder. He was touching me, almost rubbing me, very gently so he wouldn't have to look down the barrel of my gun yet again. It had woken me up gently and somewhat instinctively, I knew it was him. When I woke up, the room was dark except for the green light from the clock and I rolled onto my side, blinking my eyes and just barely able to make him out in the darkness. He was sitting up in bed.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, rubbing my eyes.

"Reid... I just want to know one thing."

"What's that?" I said, trying to keep my voice down and not alarm Haynes, who was sitting outside the door.

"Please tell me it meant something to you," He said and his voice began to shake, "Please tell me that you don't think it was was just some stupid little mistake."

I knew what he meant, "I don't think it was a mistake."

"You were my first kiss, Reid," Zac continued, "It was even better than I thought it would be. I just want to know that you don't think it was some little thing. Please... tell me you love me Reid."

My stomach felt like it was being tenderized, "Zac... I'm sorry..."

"Didn't it mean anything to you?" He said, his voice was small and hurt.

"Zac... I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have even come close. It was a lapse in my judgment and I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea," I said and my voice was beginning to feel oddly shaken itself, "I can't do anything, Zac."

"Why? Why not? When it's over, we can be together."

"No, Zac. We can't. This isn't the kind of situation that relationships can start from."

"I love you Reid," His tone was final, "I love you and I know you love me."

"You're not thinking clearly," I was reaching for some last stand of logic, "This situation has clouded your judgment and your feelings of admiration or dependency on me are confusing you. Before you cause yourself anymore emotional distress--"

"Shut up!" Zac hissed in the darkness, "In the past two days I've felt nothing but 'emotional disturbance' or whatever the fuck you called it. The only time I don't feel like I'm gonna get my throat cut is when I'm with you. If you want to mess with my feelings and say that it's because I'm traumatized or something, that hurts me. I know how I felt before you said one word or did one thing. I knew you were the one but if you're not gay or trying to still be this android, then fine."

I tried to say something but he continued, "If you can't at least talk to me like a human being, then you can just fucking leave. I don't want to even talk to you if you're gonna still be like some computer and just talk to me like a psychologist. I don't want that. You don't have to love me back and if you do, you don't have to admit to it. If you want to keep being like some nonfeeling asshole robot, then get out. I'm sick of talking to you like I'm talking to a goddamn calculator of human emotion. Just be a fucking human being."

I took a deep breath as he laid back down and rolled over with an almost flamboyant outrage. He kicked his feet a few timed and settled back in his bed with his back to me. His breathing was coming fast and furious as he steamed at me, trying hard not to let me know verbally how angry he was. I smiled and tried not to laugh as he thrashed in bed a few times, still prickling from giving me such a verbal pounding. In the darkness, I chuckled softly and realized that he had me. He had me figured out and he knew that I had been trying to build back up a wall... and he wasn't having any of it.

"What's so funny?" He said angrily, his voice distorted from his face being pressed sideways against the pillow.

"Zac," I said, trying but failing not to laugh, "Oh man."

He rolled over, "Stop laughing. I'm serious."

"I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at myself."

Zac sat up and looked at me, "Why?"

"Because you're right..." I said through the laughter, "You're right. I've been acting like a goddamn calculator of human emotion..."

"But why?" His tone was much softer.

"Because I love you, Zac," I said softly, feeling a lump in my throat, "I love you but I can't LOVE you."

"Why not? You can love me, Reid. I know you can."

"Zac... this isn't the kind of situation that two people can come out of loving each other. You'll always connect me to this and that will always bring back bad memories. I'm sorry but that's the way that it is. Love can never come from situations of high stress or fear for personal safety."

"Reid..." He said, his voice was pleading.

"Zac, I can't love you. I know you might be mad at me but I hope that you'll realize one day. I'm sorry."

That was the last thing that was said that night. Zac slowly laid back down and curled up under the blankets, so silently that I couldn't even hear his breathing. My body felt like it weighed a ton as I rolled over away from him and looked at the covered window, able to make out the moon behind the dark fabric. My heart ached and my soul felt like it had been rubbed raw and covered with salt. Like I'd slid down a mile long blade on my stomach into a giant pool of alcohol. It stung me to say what I'd said to Zac but in my brain, I knew it was the right thing... but not in my heart. My brain had to win the fight... it had to give up what my heart and soul wanted. There was no way I could do my job and still be his boyfriend... it wouldn't work.

But the voice still disagreed...

Morning hit me like a jackhammer right between the eyes. I had slept like a rock and when the time came to roust me from the depths of sleep, I didn't want to get up. I just wanted to forget everything that had happened. When my eyes had opened and my body woke up fully, I rolled over and looked down at Zac. He was still curled into a ball and just the top of his head was visible above the covers. Seeing him made my heart ache again. I felt so bad for what I'd said last night, even though my brain told me it was the right thing to do. It was the smart thing. It would save us both emotional pain.

When I pulled on my clothes, they stuck to the sweat on my skin and my stomach felt like it was full of gravel. I didn't know what it was but Zac had done something to me. Whatever I'd said last night had taken a great deal out of me. It had taken so much out of me to be honest with another human being. I tried to ignore what Zac had said, about how he loved me and he knew I loved him too. And then how I'd said I loved him. I tried not to think about how good it felt to say that. It felt like I'd found another person to mean something to... and the other way around.

My feet clunked against the stairs as I walked down into the kitchen and saw Haynes sitting at the table, looking at me sympathetically. Like she knew how we felt. I swallowed and attempted to fix my hair as stretched and neither of us said anything to one another. If she wanted to gloat, she could go ahead and take the initiative. I wasn't going to come crawling to hear her say she told me so.

"I heard you guys last night. I'm sorry, Cameron." She said, and that was all.

My words came out so quickly, I wasn't sure it was me that said them.

"Agent Haynes... you can go fuck yourself."

Expressionlessly, I turned around and walked out the front door, letting it shut softly behind me as I walked down the front walk in the hot sun. If she knew what was so good for Zac, she could take care of him. My feet moved slowly as I walked over to the house next door and let myself in, picking up the accumulated junk mail and tossing it in the wastebasket. The house was dark and silent as I walked through the hallway. No sounds at all.

My feet shuffled against the wood paneling as I walked up the stairs and didn't even think about checking the area for security. It didn't matter now. My feet carried me straight up to the bedroom, and I walked in, savoring the cool unscentedness of the place. I sat down on the cot and laid back, looking up at the ceiling and breathing deeply, trying to relax and carry myself as far away from here as I could get. At some point, I heard static on the two-way radio but I ignored it. I was going to take a break from the whole damn messed up thing.

At some intermittent points during the morning, my body succumbed to the tension and fell back asleep. Not so much sleeping for rest but sleeping just so I could escape reality into a lightweight world of dreaming where I would be free from responsibility. My ears became trained to block out the bleeping of the two-way radio until it just didn't register to me anymore. Outside the window, the hot summer day was silent and being as far out in the country as we were, there weren't any industrial noises or pesky horn honking from any freeway. Once in a while, I did hear an occasional car go by on the road behind the house, but nothing more than that.

When I woke up during the afternoon, the only thing I really did was take a few swallows of soda from a can I'd opened in the morning. The day had become something not unlike a grueling race for me. I was trying to just end it as soon as I could and the next morning, I would tell Haynes that I was going to leave. She could handle it and I would go back to D.C. This case was simply way too heavy for my first assignment and it was on the heads of Gerald Hatch and the entire supervising committee that had selected me for this job. I simply wasn't ready for it.

My dreams, however, had a different opinion. In the dry heat of the room, my mind conjured up a whole slew of odd imagery that came to me as I napped. Different scenes that depicted Zac in the cold grip of death, only to be yanked back at the last minute by myself. All sorts of different situations but that general theme was the same. During my dreams, I saved Zac from all sorts of horrifying scenarios: Zac nearly being sacrificed by the Aztecs until I arrived with my Magnum, Zac nearly going in the gas chamber at Auschwitz, Zac almost being beheaded by Genghis Khan, Zac nearly being beaten to death by homophobes in the Wyoming prairie... every horrible situation ended with me blowing away the scum with my .44.

The dreams were so appealing to my soul but my brain took over and slapped a big red X on each one, stopping them before Zac and I could retire to some cozy little bed to continue our bonding. My brain screamed at me even in my dreams that it wasn't right. You're too old, you're abusing your position, you're toying with his emotions... on and on it continued. My own brain was psychologically abusing me. It was as if my subconscious had donned a steel toed boot and was raining down with sharp kicks to my ribs and my internal organs, apparently not stopping until they ground my heart... or what had begun to develop into one... into a fine, pasty mush. A mush that could easily be disposed of and replaced with more government taught and manufactured statistics and resources.

When my body wrenched itself out of sleep for the last time, I sat up sharply and blinked my eyes. Sweat had rolled down from my forehead into my eyes and made them sting. Wiping them hurriedly, I looked out the window and realized it was late afternoon. The sun had set a great deal and the sky was beginning to take on a pinkish hue. My hand checked my holster and I was reassured to find that the .44 was still there. Breathing deeply, my mind worked overtime until I realized that a sound had pulled me awake. Immediately, I looked back out the window at the house next door and I realized that what I had heard was a gunshot.

There wasn't any sound as my eyes inspected the Eastern side of the house. Nothing looked too out of place as I crouched down below the window, feeling a nameless dread as my heart began to speed up. There wasn't any movement inside the exposed windows of the kitchen or the slightly shut drapes of the living room. I looked behind me and saw that the door to the bedroom was shut, just like I'd left it in the morning. Looking again with the binoculars, my eyes focused in on the only visible window, the uncovered window of the kitchen.

Everything was too quiet. My heart began racing as I looked again, cautiously trying to find out what the source of the noise had been. Deep down, my heart was scared to death that Zac had been hurt. All it would take is one gunshot from this freak or one misguided gun shot from one of the agents and his life would be over. He would be dead at fifteen years old. My love would be dead at-- stop! Stop it! I berated myself again and looked through the binoculars, calmly but with a deep down agitation, trying to find some sort of indication that I hadn't heard what I really knew I had heard.

My ears picked up the sound of the front door opening. I looked over silently and my stomach nearly heaved when I saw Agent Anderson weakly crawling out the door into the sun. He was covered in blood and it looked like he'd been attacked around the throat with a piano wire. My mind made a horrifying realization as another dark figure stepped through the door and stood over him. The person was about six feet tall and very slender with jet-black hair and fair features. It was him. It was Romaad. I realized that it was him. It was Caligula. My body froze as Romaad stood over Anderson and pressed the rifle... the agent issue rifle... to the back of his neck. My eyes closed and I winced as the gunshot hit me and shook me from head to toe. It sounded oddly distant but chillingly close at the same time.

When I opened my eyes a second later, all I saw was Romaad's foot as he stepped back into the house. As much as I tried not to, I looked at Agent Anderson. He was still and mysteriously serene looking save for the huge pool of blood around him. Forcing the bile down back into my stomach, I sprung to my feet and hurried towards the door, unholstering my .44 in only a split second. My hand hit the doorknob and I turned it, pushing the door open and stepping out into the hall.

There was a slight clicking sound as I watched a thin piece of fishing line jerk against the ceiling. My only conscious thought was to get the hell out of there. I jumped to my right and hit the stairway hard as the hallway behind me exploded into a huge orange inferno of flames. The heat of the explosion pushed me further as my feet stumbled on the steps and sent me head over heels down the flight of stairs. I landed at the bottom, my lungs already burning from the acidic smoke of the explosion as I stood up and fumbled blindly for my gun.

I coughed and my eyes blurred with tears as the blazing smoke hit me, but I was somehow able to look up. The fire from the upstairs hall had spread onto the ceiling of the small living room I'd landed in. From the scent of the fire, this had been one heavy-duty blaze. Waving my hands in front of me, my eyes searched the dark wood floor of the house, trying to find the gun. Through the smoke, the sound of another gunshot hit my ears and an odd, terrified noise came out of my mouth. Somehow, somewhere, I prayed to God to help me find my gun.

My eyes continued to burn in the smoke until they caught sight of the Magnum. It had landed under the blue Formica topped kitchen table as when I ran into the kitchen, the back of my neck was hit with the heat of the fire. It had spread onto the ceiling of the kitchen and was already reaching into the cupboards. Diving under the table, my fingers wrapped around the gun and I slid down onto the floor and crawled Commando-style under the smoke, staying low on the ground. It didn't help me much as my lungs tightened and I coughed, feeling my way over to the door in the toxic haze that had once been a house.

After shoving a small endtable out of my way, I stood up against the front door and pushed it open. My shoulders had taken a much harder hit on the fall than I'd earlier realized and when I opened the door, my shoulders felt as if they'd been whacked with a 2x4. My knees buckled and ached as I fell out the front door, the still bright sun hitting my smoke-stung eyes and making me cry out in pain. I hurried down the steps and broke into a run as my eyes refocused and I ran down to the front walk of the house. The gravel of the driveway crunched under my feet and when they hit the pavement, they pounded frantically.

When the image of Agent Anderson came into view, the footfalls stopped and the sight of him slammed into me. I was forced to stop and turn away as the carnage of what had been done became clear. Ignoring the blood, I stepped around his body and looked into the front door the house. After checking out both blindspots, I hurried in and scanned the living room, my gun ready and waiting to take him out. I proceeded with caution through the living room and into the kitchen, the house was still deathly silent.

A hot, metallic taste flowed into my mouth and my tongue burned at the taste when I realized it was my blood. I had split my lip in the fall down the stairs. In the distance, my ears picked up the faint sound of a siren blaring as I slowly went into the kitchen, whipping the gun around, ready to fire. My heart jumped as a soft thumping came down the stairs and I rushed back into the living room, the gun leading the way at the end of my arms. I operated with a mechanized stillness, walking slowly and ready to defend at all costs. The soft thumping turned to a rapid thudding as whatever it was had fallen down the stairs, nearly causing me to fire the gun in it's general direction.

After turning the corner and walking slowly into the foyer, my stomach seized as I saw Agent Mathis crumpled on the floor. He too was lying in a pool of his own blood and I saw that his neck had been cut with the same wire. His eyes were closed and his skin looked ashen, he looked like a corpse. Blinking the sweat out my eyes, I stepped tentatively onto the bottom step and walked up the stairs slowly, the gun pointed ahead of me at all times. My footsteps creaked softly as I went up the stairs...

Another groan of lumber hit my ears as a large form swung down from above and nearly crashed into me. It took a second to realize before I knew who it was. Agent Haynes was hanging by her neck from the crossbeam above the stairway. Like Mathis, her eyes too were closed and her skin was pale as she hung there... throttled brutally by the wire. Blood ran down her body and dripped onto the steps as I stood there, looking up in complete horror. This wasn't some freak and this wasn't just some crazy nut who thought he was Jesus. This was a real life, honest to God sociopathic serial killer. For my first case too, what luck.

"Oh God..." I whispered and shook my head, remembering Haynes' recent mention of her upcoming maternity leave.

Carefully and respectfully moving under Haynes' body, I continued up the stairs and onto the second floor hallway. The setting sun shone into the hall at my back and my shadow cast an imposing form over the passageway. Slowly going down the hall, I was tensed as I passed each room before hurrying down to the door to Zac's bedroom. It was standing open.

I got scared at that point. The mechanical efficiency went away as I shoved the door open and turned around in a circle, aiming the gun at every corner of the room. The sirens in the distance weren't getting any closer as my eyes scanned the room again, the cold mechanism returning to my eyes. The only hiding place in the room was the closet... or the only place he could have stashed the body. Stepping carefully across the laundry-strewn floor, my right hand reached out and turned the knob slowly, my stomach clenching against what I could possibly find inside. In the back of my mind, it pictured opening the door to find Zac... hanging... his short life ended in one brutal attack... that happened on my watch... I shook my head violently and tensed all my muscles at once, inhaling sharply and readying to open the door. The voice was pounding at me...

In one quick jerk, I pulled the door open. There was a soft rustle until I felt a warm creature practically leap into my arms. I realized it was Zac. His arms were wrapped around me and he was breathing frantically, holding onto me as a relieved feeling washed through my veins. I pushed him back and checked him out from head to toe. He was still dressed in what he'd slept in and the armpits of his tanktop were dark and looked to be soaked with sweat. He was shaking pretty badly as I looked him over, relieved to find that there were no injuries.

"Oh God... Oh fuck... Oh God..." He kept repeating, his hair hanging down in his face.

"Zac," I said, putting my hands on his shoulders, "Zac, it's okay."

Once again, he rushed forward into my arms, holding onto me and letting out a series of strangled cries as I patted his back as reassuringly as I could. Holding him close to me and letting him press his face into my neck, we walked out the door to the hallway, going down the stairs with me shielding his face from the three bodies strewn about. He still knew they were there and as I helped him step across Agent Mathis' body as we walked down the hall and to the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. It had grown uncomfortably dusk outside and the lack of light worried me greatly. Our lack of cover in the backyard didn't help much. We were given a surprising amount of light from the blaze of the house next door and I watched it for a second, amazed by it's fury.

Holding Zac close but keeping the gun alert, I helped Zac out into the backyard and helped him sit down. When I tried to stand back, he whimpered and held onto my leg. Gently stroking his hair, I tried to reassure him and tell him that I was only going to see if the firemen were there yet. The sirens had gotten thankfully closer and when the flashing lights became visible on the crest of the hill, I breathed a little easier.

The sound of an outraged howl caught both our ears as my head snapped towards the house. Against the outline of the fire, I could see Romaad staring down at us from his higher vantagepoint. He was unarmed and immediately, I saw my chance. Approaching him and raising the gun, I aimed it at his head and pulled the trigger... but not quite. He smiled at me before the trigger had been pulled. I realized that he'd been in the room with me. He'd messed with the gun... he had been there. He had fucking touched me! My skin crawled and I sneered at him as I tossed the gun away and didn't think of firing it, knowing that doing so would lead to my own demise. He turned away from the fire and got in one of the cars and started the engine with ease. I watched helplessly as he drove away into the night and left his scene of carnage.

My shoulders flagged and I turned away, walking back over to Zac who was curled on the ground, holding himself and shuddering. Stooping down slowly, I put my arms around him and hugged him, doing my best to ignore the crashing timber of the remains of the house as it fell. The firetrucks pulled up with a scream as did several police cars and ambulances, not knowing of how little a use they had here. Once the immediate stress had dissipated, my body was hit with guilt.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry I left you."

"It's okay... just... stay with me." He said, holding onto me tightly.

"I'll stay with you, Zac. I'll take care of you."

My hand shook as I picked up the receiver, "Hatch?"

"Cameron!" His voice said, "Are you all right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hanson?"

"He's physically unhurt."

"What about the others?"

My lip shook, "Haynes, Anderson, and Mathis are all negative."

"I see."

"I'm sorry, sir."

His voice was surprisingly soft and reassuring, "You did your job, Cameron."

"I know, sir."

"What happened that you know of?"

"I left... in the morning. Haynes, Mathis, and Anderson were all present at the time. I woke up in the late afternoon when I heard the gunshot that killed Haynes. I looked out the window and saw him kill Anderson, who tried to get away. When I went into the hallway of the house, he had set a trap."

"A... trap?"

"A trap. Some booby trap or shit. The hall blew up and I just barely got out of there alive. As I left the house, I heard the gunshot that killed Mathis. I ran next door and while I was checking out the kitchen, he threw Mathis' body down the stairs and it landed where it was found. I went up the stairs and..." My voice shook.

"You don't have to go on."

"Thank you, sir."

"Cameron, I'm placing you and Hanson under protective watch."

"Yes, sir."

"Tomorrow morning, you and he will be guided to a safe house. It's a cabin across the state border in Texas. It's in a wooded area, real nice place. No one will know that you and he are there."

"What about his family?"

"They'll be told."

"I mean... do they know what happened?"

"We'll notify them later."

I exhaled and rubbed my eyes, "Is that all?"

"You did your job, Cameron. Don't hold yourself responsible."

"Ask Agent Haynes how responsible I am."

"Cameron... don't let this get in your way. Casualties are inevitable."

"Jesus, Hatch..." I caught my voice, "After this, I want to go back into training. I'm not ready for this shit."

"You're doing fine Cameron."

"Thank you, sir."

"All right. Try and get some rest. They'll take you up there early."

"Yes, sir."

"Take care, Cameron."

"I will, sir."

The next morning came earlier than I thought. Zac and I had been taken to whatever local hospital was closest and the medical staff examined us both. It all happened like some ethereal dream that was just floating around me. Bits and pieces of the night came back to me as I remembered them telling me that nothing had been broken in my fall. Apparently I'd just taken a pretty good hit to my shoulder but other than that, I was lucky. Something didn't feel lucky, however. Everytime that night when I tried to close my eyes, all I could see was Haynes and Mathis and Anderson... it made me feel sick.

When the thoughts of what had happened became too much, my mind switched over and thought about Zac. Luckily, he'd been unhurt and was able to function normally. That night, we stayed in one of the empty offices at the field office in Tulsa, sleeping on rolled out cots on the floor while several uniformed officers sat outside. They wouldn't make any difference but that didn't really matter. Romaad wouldn't be coming back that night. He'd already dome more than enough damage and now he was going to retreat and wait for another opportunity. He wasn't stupid enough to try and attack again but hopefully, he'd learned that if he was going to kill Zac Hanson, he'd come away without an arm or a leg at the very least.

Zac took the whole thing like a real trooper. He stayed quiet and didn't get in the way, even though the whole production was based around him. The only thing I noticed, even though I tried not to, was that he stayed unusually close to me. It surprised me that he didn't feel conflicted after I'd left him like such a punk. I didn't listen in as he talked to his parents on the phone, but when he came back in, he looked pretty drained. It hurt him to not have his family there. From what he'd told me at one point, they meant quite a bit to him. He cared for them and he wanted them to be safe, and the other way around. He was pretty quiet the rest of the night and when they brought us clean clothes, unbashfully, he changed right in front of me. All the self-consciousness had been scared out of him.

When it came time to bed down for the night, without saying anything, he moved his cot closer to mine... so close that in the night, I could have kissed him if I wanted. Making that analogy caught me as funny and I smiled as I laid down under the covers, not feeling the familiar comfort of the gun.

Despite the disturbing images, my body succumbed to sleep quite fast that night. I didn't know if Zac needed to talk but he knew that if he needed anything, he could wake me up. But he was as close to peaceful as he could possibly be. As I looked at him, curled up under the wool blanket, everything that was familiar either taken from him violently or against his will, my heart ached again. My instincts yelled at me to hold him... wrap your arms around him and hold him. I knew that it would only make things worse. If I suddenly became affectionate, it would only make things awkward.

The next morning, a soft shaking on my shoulder woke me up and I opened my eyes to see a secretary standing over me. She looked apologetic as I sat up and rubbed my eyes, putting my boots back on and running my fingers through my hair. The morning was still dark outside the window and my watch said it was 5:14am. Stretching my arms out over my head, I yawned and stood up, looking back over my shoulder at Zac. He was still asleep and stretched out on his back, he had pushed the blanket down and his black Def Leppard T-shirt stood out like a sore thumb in the sterile confines of the office. I smiled and pulled my T-shirt back on.

There was a knock at the door. Walking quietly over, I turned on the desk lamp and opened the door. Standing outside was a uniformed agent who let me know he would be driving us to the cabin. After nodding and thanking him, I sat down on my cot and tenderly shook Zac, trying my hardest not to disturb him or make him feel like he was being attacked. After a few seconds, he grumbled in his sleep and opened his eyes, blinking them rapidly like a newly rousted hibernating animal. He sat up heavily and his bare feet smacked against the rug-upholstered floor of the office.

"Hey Reid?" He said, his voice still sleepy.

"Yeah?" I said as I got my briefcase prepared.

"I still want us to be friends."

I looked at him for a second, "I do too, Zac."

"I'm willing to be your friend if I can't be your boyfriend."

"All right."

"Just talk to me for real."

I realized that there wasn't anything else I could do, "Okay, Zac."

"We've been through a lot." He said and chuckled softly.

I smiled, "We sure have."

He pulled on a pair of jeans and pair of socks, "I'm trying not to think about everything. Is that normal?"

"Yes," I sat down next to him, "It's very normal."

"Did you like it when we kissed, Reid?" He was looking down, tying his shoes.

"Yes, Zac. I liked it a lot."

"I loved it, Reid. I mean... I love you," He stopped but he didn't look up, "Do you love me, Reid?"

"Zac..."

"You don't have to do anything. I just need to know so I won't wonder for the rest of my life."

The sunlight had begun to filter into the room and it caught us both in a pink light. I knew he had me cornered but my brain still tried to discount what was happening. Swallowing hard, I clenched and unclenched my hands as I felt a great knot being untied inside me. It was clear, really. I loved Zac. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. My heaven would be to fall asleep and wake up in his embrace. It was all I wanted but everything that I couldn't ever have. A new sensation began to rise inside me and I realized what it was... it was love... I loved Zac. It was a human emotion that I was finally feeling as if someone had jabbed me in the chest with a cattle prod and started my heart beating for real.

"Yes, Zac. I love you."

Not giving him a chance to say anything in response, I stood up, grabbed the briefcase, and walked out the door. Ignoring everything around me, I walked down and out of the small building. What I had said to Zac was at the same time, very liberating and it felt so good but it was painful. It hurt to have to tell him yet remind him that nothing could ever come of it. The dawn was breaking as I walked quickly across the parking lot, fumbling as I put on my sunglasses and tried to button the short sleeved khaki shirt over my white undershirt. My hands shook as I struggled, nearly dropping the briefcase. It took me a moment to recollect myself before I could set the case down and fasten my shirt properly before getting in to the heavy black SUV that would take us to the cabin.

When I got in and shut the door, the agent who would be driving us looked at me somewhat oddly. My hands still fumbled in the backseat as the growing sunlight shone inside the car and when I looked up, I saw Zac. He was walking across the parking lot, his hair not yet tied back and flowing behind him like some heavenly shroud. When he looked up and squinted, my breath caught in my throat and I felt a jumping in my stomach. Hurriedly, I turned back down to the briefcase and got out the map that Hatch had wired to me and handed it to the driver.

The driver nodded and set the map down next to him as Zac opened the car door and climbed in slowly, sitting next to me. I tried not to make eye contact with him and turned away, and he looked at me expressionlessly. After a few seconds, he turned away and buckled his seatbelt, sighing softly. My eyelids felt heavy as I settled back into the seat and the car ignition started, carrying us out of the parking lot and onto the main interstate.

Nothing was said for about fifteen minutes as we rode down the gradually lightening highway. The mood, as heavy as it was, wasn't awkward. It wasn't as if we didn't have anything to talk about. I hoped Zac knew I was sorry and I hoped with every bit of my heart that he knew I hadn't meant to hurt him. Still, I knew we'd have to say something eventually. Our chauffeur switched on the radio and turned it to a classic rock station, which Zac apparently appreciated quite a bit.

"We gotta talk." He said and scratched the knee of his jeans.

"Yes, we do."

"Friends?" He said and looked at me.

I smiled, "Yeah."

He smiled back and looked out the window, "I still want to be friends after this is over. I know that you think that I'm gonna be weird or something but I really like you... even if only as a friend. I just want you to know that now that I've got you someplace you can't run out of."

He made a lot of sense. Wordlessly, I put my arm around his shoulders and hugged him close to me, feeling him embrace me willingly. Like it or not, he and I had been through quite a bit. We'd experienced some pretty whacked out shit. It was more than I'd been through with anyone else I'd known and at the very least, he and I would always have a very unique bond. All sexual tension aside, he was an amazing person. The way he connected and bonded with other people was truly amazing and very admirable.

His body relaxed against me and he showed no signs of moving away. I just kept holding him and gradually, he went back to sleep and soon after, the soft gliding of the car sent me back into dreamland as well. Our driver switched the radio station to some easy listening station and the soft music lulled me quickly. For the first time, my dreams were peaceful. I didn't dream about Zac... hell, I didn't dream about anyone. It was just a soft, peaceful slumber in the back of a car, and the feeling of Zac's warm body in my arms only tranquilized me even more.

It was sometime later when we were both woken up by the agent who had been driving. The first immediate thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was the abundance of tall, green trees around the car. It was a beautiful sight. Zac had slumped down and his head was pressed against my chest, a small dark drool spot on the front of my shirt. The day seemed much darker now that we were under complete tree cover and as I jiggled Zac, he looked up and his eyes widened. After hurriedly unbuckling his seat belt, he climbed out of the car and looked around.

Following him out of the car and looking around in all directions, and finding nothing but trees and woodland all around us. This place actually looked safe. Zac seemed almost enchanted by it as he looked around, and the smell of the forest caught our noses. Under the trees, no sun had gotten through and the world seemed oddly cool and quiet. I watched as a second car pulled up behind us and one of the agents got out and led Zac through the front door of the cabin. As he went in, he looked back at me and beckoned me inside. I took a deep breath and looked at the front of the cabin.

It was an older place. It had been built out of logs and we had parked at what looked like the often-used side door. On the eastern side of the house, a large but slightly dilapidated porch had been built with a heavy, unused front door. To my left was a large barn looking place with stacked firewood and the startling realization that it was the outhouse. No running water. What a way to treat a rock star. Stepping forward and shaking my head, I looked around again, trying not to think at the kind of cover this place would provide once night had fallen. I took off my sunglasses and looked around the western side, seeing nothing but an old-fashioned water barrel. How nice and rustic.

I stepped forward slowly and walked towards the side door of the house, taking one last deep breath and looking up through the green overhang towards the cloudy sky. Somewhere inside, I hoped that God could see me right then and I hoped even more than he could hear me. Silently, I prayed again, ready and willing to bargain against the dark, heavy feeling that wouldn't leave my stomach. As I looked up, I asked God not to hurt Zac.

Just let him get through this and not be harmed too much, I thought. He's been through enough and if you're trying to punish him, you've done your job. His family has been taken away and three people were murdered in cold blood in the home he grew up in. I had to turn away his love and I had to hurt him so if you think he needs more punishment, I obviously have no place here.

The bluntness of my own thoughts made me ache and I looked down at my feet, before looking back up to the sky.

"Just help me out here... I just need a little help."

To Be Continued...