Hello Everyone! I know it has been several months since my last posting and I sincerely apologize for the wait. I have heard from several of you over that time and I wanted to explain why I've been away for so long.
I had some rather hard times suddenly descend on me all at once near the middle of August and I feel secure enough now to explain some of that to you. My relationship of 5 years came to a very abrupt end and without my mutual knowledge or discussion. My now ex-partner left our shared home two days before we were scheduled to re-sign our lease, meaning I then had to find a new roommate in 48 hours. In NYC, this is an unmitigated disaster. I was able to find someone, but had to liquidate my entire savings in order to cover the new security deposit. While dealing with my ex moving out of our apartment while I was at work and taking half of our shared stuff, I got the news that my Piano/Wine bar, would be closing for good at the end of the week. So I had to lay off all of my staff, and found myself newly single, savings depleted, and now unemployed, all in the space of a week. It took me several long and arduous weeks to work my way out of that hole. I then lost a very close friend to Suicide and a family member was diagnoses with terminal cancer. Life kept dealing me severe blows in rapid succession.
I just didn't have the will or the energy to write at the time. I was too sad and mourning the loss of my relationship to write about a happier love life than my own.
But, being me, I persevered. Got a new job, new boyfriend, and new outlook.
AND NOW! Here is the first part (of 3) of the last chapter of the David and Daniel series (HighSchool Portion) I plan on releasing a series of shorter stories about the summer between college and high school, and a series similar to this one on college and beyond, but I am going to work on another novel between the end of this series and those two projects.
I am not done with these characters yet and I am eternally grateful for the support you have shown me on this journey. This final chapter is divided into this one (a semi introduction) the middle portion (where the majority of the sexy stuff shall happen) and the final final (SURPRISES IN STORE..STAY TUNED!) They are all written, I am just working on the details.
So enjoy this first portion!
I hope that helps! Go to my author page here for more info
DISCLAIMER: The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area where it is not allowed, depart. Though not observed in this story, care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.
The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the author's consent.
Nerd Brigade...ADVANCE!
By: D A Mackey
It would be many more years yet before the stereotypical body image issues that seem to plague most gay men, or at least American gay men, would begin their invasion of the nooks and crannies of my mind; thus, I did not hold back in the slightest at the buffet the Raddison laid out. Several trips to the dessert table (which, to my delight, was several yards long) as well as an omelet eating contest with Daniel's father, which I lost by at least two full ham and cheese monstrosities, and visiting the meat carving station until I was nearly on a first name basis with the chef in the tall white paper hat, all left me feeling fat and happy. The joys of a metabolism that seemed never ending meant my small nerd frame felt about ready to burst at the seams.
I debated unbuttoning the top button on my dress pants. I quickly decided against it. It was just too cliche even for me.
But I was not the one who nearly put the hotel out of business. If you've never seen a High School aged jock male consume food when said food is essentially limitless, I highly advise it.
For the entertainment value alone.
The look of pure unmitigated horror on the faces of the poor chefs at the various stations when Ian would saunter towards them... their eyes widened as if they were thinking the massive boy might just consume them if they failed to provide him with the victuals he requested. The Japanese gentlemen at the sushi counter trembled visibly. If it hadn't been for the angelic and comparatively diminutive lanky boy who followed the barrel- chested beast around, I think some of the chefs might have fled the room like dark-age villagers from a Viking horde: just threw down their carving knives and serving spoons and run screaming into the night.
Caloric consumption aside, the meal itself was pleasant and uneventful. And just a little bit long.
Parents chatted with parents and left us "kids" to ourselves for the most part. Daniel and I kept a watchful eye on our respective mothers, trying to catch any hint of whatever devious scheme for "blended family" outings they were most assuredly planning. Mother's can't help it.
"What do you think they will drag us to first: a museum, or a picnic?" Daniel leaned over to whisper in my ear after his fourth or fifth trip to the pasta station. I had honestly lost count.
"My money is on rollerskating or hiking," I replied with a grimace.
The only hike I had ever enjoyed had been on the Senior Camping trip. And that was only because of rather extenuating and highly sexual circumstances. With parental involvement, the idea of trekking through the woods was something akin to water boarding in my mind: slow and steady descent into complete break with reality and a loving relationship with pure madness.
Though we both knew they were hatching something, (they just had to be, it was in their natures,) neither maternal unit made her schemes known by the time we had all eaten ourselves to maximum American gluttony standard and stereotype.
In the parking lot, Justin and Ian climbed into Ian's truck and headed towards the lake house while we all said our goodbyes to the various parents and siblings. Ian wanted to get there a little early and set up before we arrived. It was about an hours drive from downtown, but knowing the way Ian tended to drive, they could do it in forty minutes. Maybe less.
I'm sure Ian wanted a little alone time with Justin before we all got there. I tried in vain to remember if Ian's truck had what I lovingly like to call "Oh, Shit!" handles: the rails on the door frame and dashboard you can grab onto in the event of an emergency. I hoped so. Ian's driving definitely counted as an Emergency. Justin was in for a stomach churning trip otherwise. It would be a shame to waste all that brunch food only to have Justin deposit it back on the side of the highway because Ian wanted to get home a little faster.
Daniel and I took our time loading into his Jeep. We even went through an automatic car wash just to waste some spare minutes. About 30 minutes after Ian and Justin had squealed out of the parking lot, we were on our way.
The sun was just beginning to dip below the tree line and paint the summer blue sky with pale trails of lavender and the blush of pink and orange. I leaned back in the passenger seat, kicked off my dress shoes and socks and put my bare feet on the dashboard. I reached across the center console with my fingers extended. Daniel laced his fingers through my own and brought our grip to his lips for a quick kiss across the back of my hand.
I smiled and sighed, closed my eyes for a second, set the picture in my mind and settled in for the drive.
It only took about 15 minutes to emerge from the tangle of streets that made up the downtown area and escape into the two-lane roads that lead to the outskirts of town and the surrounding state parks, lakes, and rivers.
In that time, Daniel had wiggled out of his button down shirt and tossed it into the backseat of the Jeep. His tight white undershirt clung to his torso like a second skin and did very little to hide any of the bulges and crevices that made up his impressive upper body.
He rolled down the window and hung his left arm casually out into the summer afternoon air. A pair of black and gold aviator style sunglasses capped his ensemble.
He leaned back with an air of grace and ease that I doubted I would ever be able to accomplish. Even doing something so mundane as driving his car down a winding road, Daniel looked in control and entirely at his ease. He breathed deeply and evenly, his chest rising and falling with a gentle rhythm that made my eyes go a little wide every time he inhaled. His buzzed chest hair dusted the top of his deep tank top and his nipples made little white mountains on his pecs.
I squeezed his hand, still entwined with my own and resting easily on the console.
"You are just so damned beautiful," I said in nearly a whisper.
"Hmm?" he asked, briefly turning his attention from the road to me.
I smiled at him.
"I said, you are so damned beautiful," I repeated it a little louder for his benefit.
His smile at my compliment only proved my statement more true.
"Thanks a million, Angel Boy, but have you looked in the mirror recently?"
My raised eyebrow and confused stare must have concerned him a little because he answered his own question.
"I mean, I just wish you could see yourself right now, is all," he said with a little exasperated sigh as he returned the squeeze on my hand. "You look very..."
He paused.
I waited.
"I don't know how to describe it. You look different than when we first met, that's all. Still super hot and I just wanna rip the clothes off you and jump your bones right here and now..."
"Please don't," I joked. "I'd rather not become a cliche story about tragic teenage death on the day of graduation when you crash us headfirst into a tree because you can't get control over your dick."
"I'll be good. I promise," he continued with a little chuckle. "But that's not what I mean. You look, more relaxed. More at east. A little more like yourself. You've changed a bit, that's all."
I didn't know how to respond to that. I sat with my knees almost up to my chest, my bare feet warm on the dashboard and my hand gripped with the most beautiful man I had ever seen, much less met.
And that man loved me. And I loved him.
I suppose I had changed. I had been on such a whirlwind with Daniel and school, and Amy and graduation, and the Baseball team, and my parents divorce, and college, and finals, and everything that seems to attack a teenager on the cusp of manhood all at once...I hadn't really thought about how far I'd come from my birthday 5 months previous.
At the start, as my social standing began to rise little by little from just my association with Daniel, I had worried and fretted over the loss of that standing. But social standing is fickle and arbitrary. What I hadn't thought about was how much I had changed. As a person. Now, I worried more about losing Daniel. The perks that came with him, be damned.
"I guess,.." I started meekly, gazing out the window at the passing pine trees and verdant greens as the whizzed by at 60 MPH, "I guess I'm just happy now."
"Me too," he replied with another squeeze. I felt the metal of our twin rings press into each other as he squeezed. The pressure of the silver on my skin was a wonderful and much needed reminder.
"What's going to happen after this summer?" I said.
Once the words were out of my mouth, I very nearly looked behind me to see who had spoken them. Surely it hadn't been me!? I was reveling in a sea of happiness and not thinking about anything other than Daniel and how much I loved him...why would I ask something like that?
Daniel was quiet.
Which made me get even quieter.
It will never cease to amaze me how quickly a mood can change. In the blink of an eye or faster.
"I'm sorry...I...I don't..." I stammered and tried to avoid his eyes. "You don't have to answer...I don't even know why..."
"It's alright," he said calmly. His words had a similar calming effect on me.
"I don't know why I even asked that," I nearly panted. I couldn't seem to quiet the pounding of my heart and the rising quickness in my breath.
"It's alright. I just don't like to think about the future that much, I guess," he added. "When you're as happy as I am right now, it's like tempting fate to think too far in advance. There's so much we just can't know yet."
"Yeah, I know. Trust me I know."
We drove in silence for a little while. We may not have spoken, but my mind was racing down all of the horrible or wonderful possibilities that awaited me and Daniel in the coming months. And years. Flash after flash of if's or maybe's or possibly's or eventualy's.
All at once.
To his credit, and to mine, Daniel never let go of my hand.
"We won't be that far apart, you know," he said suddenly, pulling me out of my own head and rescuing me from myself.
"Four hours. I mapped it," I replied, trying to keep the twinge of despair from my voice.
"That's not that far."
"You say that now, but it seems like an eternity," I sighed.
I felt myself slipping slowly into a depression.
"It's only back and forth from school to your house two-point-five times," Daniel calculated with confidence.
(I was a little bit proud of his ability to do so accurately after our few months of tutoring together...whenever we were clothed and flaccid, that is.)
"So that's essentially one week of school for a trip to visit. You, being the nerd that you are, have never missed school. That's 35 weeks of school per year. 35 trips to visit each other. You won't even notice the distance. You didn't notice when you drove back and forth to school all those weeks. And this time you got something to look forward to when you get where you're going."
I had to hand it to him, his logic, while simple, did make me feel better.
"I fell in love with you because you Daniel-Logicked me into it. And you're still delivering. Thanks, baby," I said with a small smile, the best I could muster.
"I do what I can," he replied.
"So we won't have to break up?" I asked, needing, wanting to make sure this was covered.
"Not unless you finally get sick of me and kick my sorry ass to the curb," he offered. "I've always said that you can do better than me if you want to."
"I don't want to break up," I said with a damn sight more confidence than I truly felt.
"Good. Cause we're not. You're stuck with me."
I stared out the window straight ahead, trying my best not think about breaking up. Trying not to think about my life without Daniel or my life with any real distance between us. I tried as hard as I could to focus on the beauty around us, but at the edges of my mind, that darkness crept in. The harder I tried to push it back and think about the good things I had, the things I had right now at that very moment, the feel of Daniel's hand in my own, the more that depression and darkness encroached.
I felt it coming nearer and nearer, my heart beating faster and panic starting to rise in my throat. My breath got shorter and I squeezed Daniel's hand, trying to remind myself of my anchor, trying to stop the spiral I felt coming towards me.
My mind kept buzzing.
I couldn't lose him.
I didn't want to be apart from him. I wanted him there, beside me, with me and only me. I didn't want to go back to a life like I had before him. A life where I watched the world from a distance and silently wished I was a part of it, even though I convinced myself it was safer to stay away. It seemed cruel to go back to that after tasting what it was like to be alive and a part of it all.
Three months from now, there was something coming that could end it all for me, could throw me back to that time no matter how much I wished and wanted and fought against it. I tried to trust in my bond with Daniel. I tired to rely on our love to bolster my strength...but I felt the tears of fear build up and my vision mist with the haze of unknowable future sadness.
Before the tears could fall, the Jeep suddenly pulled to the shoulder and came to screeching halt, dust and gravel flying against the paint job and shrouding the open windows in a reddish brown cloud.
"You stop that right now, David," Daniel said more firmly than I'd heard him speak in a long time. There was an edge to his voice, an anger, that I hadn't heard since he'd stepped in and protected me from Amy months ago at Prom.
"I'm sorry," I started to say, but my voice was tight in my chest and I croaked, my jaw working uselessly and only screeching noises escaping. I felt a hot tear break free and cascade down my cheek.
Daniel's hand on my face pulled my eyes from the road ahead and towards his.
"Stop it," he demanded, his eyes burning like gold in the afternoon sun. "Stop it and don't think about that again. It's not fair. I won't have the summer, the time we KNOW we have together, I won't have it ruined because you are afraid of what comes after it. You hear me?"
I nodded even though I felt the tears coming faster.
"I love you, dammit. And you love me. And that is no reason to cry or be afraid. Got it?"
I nodded.
His lips crashed into mine.
He kissed me with a fierce passion that sucked the air from my lungs and made my eyes go wide, my whole body tense up and tingle. In that kiss I felt his own fears, his own doubt, hidden behind a wall of bravado and surety. He was afraid too, I was sure of it. But though his fear sent him shaking just like me, he seemed unwilling to let it move him even an inch.
"Nothing you can say or do will ever change that," he said, pulling away from our kiss. "No distance or time will ever change the fact that I love you. You are my first love. It doesn't matter if we stay together forever or if time and space drift us away from each other, we will always always always be connected. I don't know what is coming and neither do you, but until we do, you have to remember that. Please, for me, and for us, please don't make our time together something bittersweet."
I was silent for a while.
He actually put into words a possibility: that we may drift apart. That we might not always be together. Distance and time could pull us away from each other. But he didn't care. He KNEW that was a possibility and he didn't care.
"I will love you forever. You won't ever lose me, even if we live on opposite sides of the globe. No matter what changes physically or emotionally, you can't lose me. Not ever. You and I will be together forever in whatever way we figure out and want to be. You got that?"
I nodded and stared at him. His deep brown eyes were no longer burning with golden fire. They seemed calm and complacent, deep pools with something buried beneath the surface. The deep sadness of reality. Adulthood. My fingers rose and traced the the hard lines of his face, felt he soft black stubble of his beard. My silver ring glinted in the sunlight, thrown into shining relief against his tanned skin.
I nodded again and smiled.
"I know. You will always be mine..."
I tried my hardest to believe it. And in many ways I did.
He kissed me softly.
That, at least, made it much easier to believe. For the moment.
He sniffled and shook his head a bit, like a cat just waking up from a nap.
"I'll make you a deal. We will spend every single day together this summer. We won't miss a single one. Even if you are sick as fuck and puking up your guts, I'm gonna be there. And you will come to summer training for baseball. Every day. I don't want to miss a single second. Okay?"
I smiled and giggled a bit, looking down at my lap. I nodded yes.
"Good."
He moved the car from park, checked the mirrors and pulled back onto the road.
"Even with your snot nosed, red faced, crying eyes look, you're still beautiful."
That got me to laughing.
It felt amazing to laugh, like the sound itself helped to drive away the overcast clouds I had called down upon us.
"Ditto, Angel Boy," I replied.
"Hey, I don't have a snot nosed, crying face!"
"Check yourself, darling."
Daniel glanced in the rearview mirror.
"Gross...you win the beauty contest for best post crying look," he offered as he tried to clean himself up while driving.
"Not in a million years," I shot back, grabbing his free hand and clasping it tight in my own once again.
We drove like that the rest of the way.
Like Ian himself, his parent's lake house was massive almost to the point of being comical. It stretched three stories into the air, surrounded by massive old pine trees, landscaped hedges, verdant green lawns that nearly verged on golf courses in both size and quality. There was even a stone fountain with a waterfall in the back corner of the front lawn.
Stone work and plaster covered the first floor, with leaded windows and stained glass cut outs shining in red and gold and blue from circular breaks in the old stonework. The upper floors were plaster and beam. It was like someone had re-made the woodland cottage from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, but had expanded it to make room for the extended family of each dwarf. Snow White and the Seventy Seven dwarves would have fit nicely in what I upgraded from "the lake house", to "the Lake Manse." The capitalization could be heard in the pronunciation.
The circular gravel driveway wasn't occupied by any cars when we pulled in, small stones crunching underfoot as we drove nearly a quarter miles from the road to the main house. I say main house because I would soon discover other "out buildings" surrounded the place. Pool house, sauna, visitors lodge. I shit you not, this house had it's own visitor's lodge...I suppose meant to accommodate another dozen unexpected dwarves.
Before we rounded the curve, Ian came bounding out of the big front door, ambling lightly down the stone steps with almost a skip in his step, belying his massive stature. He was, as I would come to find to be the norm for Summer, shirtless and glistening in the sinking sunlight. His pecs and abs and shoulders threw off sparkles in the air, like someone had dusted him with glitter or he was Cosplaying those vampires from that book series the middle school girls were obsessed with.
Around his waist were a pair of rather skimpy grey swim trunks in the box cut european style. They clung to his thighs and looked about ready to cut off his circulation, but one had to admit they did a great job of framing his ass, and the way his obliques cut a V across his adonis plate and disappeared beneath the stretchy grey fabric was rather appealing.
Behind him, a little less spritely, but no less excited came Justin. He wore a loose white tank top that came almost to his middle thighs and a pair of board shorts with vivid red hawaiian flowers on a garish yellow background that ended nearly in his middle calf. For someone so tall and lanky, he looked to be drowning in his outfit.
"Did someone forget to bring their own swim stuff?" I asked jokingly as I exited the Jeep when we pulled to a halt in front of the door.
Justin looked a bit ashamed and ground one be-sandled foot into the small white rocks of the driveway.
"I didn't know I was coming here, so I didn't have..."
"Leave him alone, Lil D'," Ian boomed. "I think he looks great."
I showed my palms in mock surrender.
"That he does. Why didn't you let him wear those?" Daniel asked as he got out of the car, pointing to the trunks Ian wore.
"I tried, but...uh...well...he doesn't fit in `em."
"You could see...everything..." Justin whispered, his eyes still on the ground.
"I can see a little more than normal right now," Daniel said under his breath, giving Ian a short jab in the ribs.
Ian looked confused, Justin instinctively mimicked his expression.
"Dude, you may be shining like Apollo with all that tanning oil, but the cum in your hair is white as the driven snow," I giggled as I pointed out the glob of Justin's boy goo dangling from the right side of Ian's face.
"And unless you suddenly had your hair go white in the past four hours, I can assume that streak in your ginger curls came from our oversized friend here," Daniel added, indicating a line of white liquid mixed into Justin's hair.
Both boys suddenly blushed beet red and became interested in the white pebbles beneath their sandaled feet. Muttering commenced of the lowly gruff nature common to high school boys in a quandary; but in the midst of it, Ian's massive arm snaked around Justin's waist and pulled the lanky teen closer to him.
Already they were starting to protect each other subconsciously. It really was very sweet, if a bit saccharine. But they had put up with much the same at the start of Daniel and I.
"Can you blame me?" Ian finally mumbled with a bit of gusto, enough to almost be considered human speech, "He's just so friggin'...and I mean that...cock."
He finished his muttering in a hushed whisper, as if the mention of Justin's impressive genetic gift were still a secret between us. As if we hadn't had our cocks lined up in front of the weight room mirror not four hours ago.
"Indeed," Daniel offered with a sly smile.
"We shoulda gotten into the nerd game YEARS ago, dude," Ian declared as he gently lead Justin towards the front door and motioned for us to follow him. "Think of all the fun we missed!"
"Certainly would have made my experience over the past four years a lot more interesting," Justin quipped.
"Mine, too," I added.
"Ya'll got the grill going back there?" Daniel asked suddenly, sniffing the air, a bit like a woodland creature of some kind.
Jocks and their animal instincts. Especially when food or ass of any variety were involved. In this case, I figured both primal urges applied.
"Got some burgers and brats going right now," Ian said nonchalantly.
"Awesome! I'm starved," Daniel very nearly growled.
Justin and I both stopped in our tracks as the boyfriends who held us lightly in their grip continued on, oblivious.
"You're HUNGRY?" Justin squeaked. "I thought that food was for everyone else!"
"That's not physically possible, Daniel," I said, mouth open in disbelief.
Both Ian and Daniel just stared at us and shrugged.
"Can't help it. It's been like, what...3 hours?" Ian tried to explain.
"But we JUST ate enough for a good three days!" Justin looked like he was going to be physically ill.
"Yeah, but then we already worked most of it off..." Ian shot back with a wink.
Justin punched him in the chest. Of course, that had about the same effect as a fly punching a window.
"Well if you two animals want to go eat, go ahead. Justin and I are going to take our time and look around," I said with a bit of dismissal in my tone.
It unnerved me a little just how 1950's housewife that sounded coming out of my mouth. And how easily I slipped into the tone. Like the wives sending the boys off for cocktails while the ladies stayed back and discussed the newest issue of Redbook, the best way to iron and starch a button down, and braise a pork loin. I took a little solace knowing that in this instance, us "wives" had the biggest packages, so to speak. Then again, that's not so different from 1950's housewives, is it?
Daniel looked at me a bit, his eyes wide.
I didn't know what he wanted from me until I realized he was waiting my permission to leave my presence.
"Go on! Scat you two!" I said with a wave of my hand.
Both jocks smiled and turned from us. Before they were three feet away they were already discussing the proper way to grill a burger. Ian was on the check it all the time team, and Daniel espoused a leave it alone theory. They disappeared inside and left me alone with Justin for....well, for the first time I could remember.
"So," I started, unsure how to ask what I wanted to ask, find out what my curious mind wanted to know. "You two seem to be having fun?"
I said it as a question, though it was an obvious fact of life at this point. No use denying it.
"Yes," he replied. His voice was even quieter than normal.
"You can speak up, bud. It's just me. If anyone knows what you're going through, it would be me," I said, trying to make him feel a little bit more at ease.
"I'm sorry, David. I'm just nervous. Like...super, super, nervous. So nervous I feel like I'm going to throw up every second of the day."
"About what?"
"He's...HIM. He's, who he is, and I am who I am. But now...he's...he's...he's just so different than he's supposed to be. Ya know? He's nothing like I expected him to be."
"You are preaching to the choir, as they say," I replied and wound my arm through his, linking us by the elbow. I lead us lazily off to the left side of the ground. "Let's walk this way."
Justin nodded and stayed silent for a few paces. The grounds really were stunning. I would never grow used to such ostentatious displays of wealth, but I do appreciate the beauty which they are sometimes able to provide.
"It was like this for you too? With Daniel?"
"Oh yes. Very much so." I started. "Jocks are supposed to torture us and make our lives a general hell. That's their job. It's clean and easy and everyone knows their place."
"Exactly," Justin piped in.
"But they are people. Just people."
"That's not how it was sold to us from the start. They were supposed to be gods."
"Well they aren't. And neither are we. Biggest lie in the human race. All the social status and the titles and kings and queens and leaders. All smoke and mirrors, every bit of it. Everyone is just...people."
Justin sighed.
"That makes everything much more difficult."
"To say the least. But he really seems to like you," I said.
I felt Justin go a bit tense under my arm. Just for a moment before he relaxed again.
"He's not supposed to. Why me?"
I shrugged.
"Who knows? And more important, who cares?" I offered.
"I care!" Justin chirped. "Or I think I care. He's supposed to be straight. He's supposed to be mean. I'm not even sure I am...I don't know what I am. But I KNOW he's not supposed to be..."
"He's people." I cut him off. "And, lucky for you, he's good people. He's big, and muscle-bound, and not the best student. He may not win a dancing contest. But he's got a heart to match his size. I'm sure you know that already."
Justin looked at the ground again. His face flushed red, but this time I doubted it stemmed from discovery of sexual activity.
Eventually, he nodded.
"He does. He is a good guy isn't he?"
"Sad to say. Sorry that messes up your preconceived notions, bud," I joked and jostled him a bit.
"Just look at this place!" Justin breathed, looking up at the Mansion that rose into the tree tops to our right.
We were approaching a ten foot high stone and wrought iron fence that marked the entrance to the backyard. The lake that gave the house its moniker twinkled, danced, and threw the dimming sunlight like shards of broken mirror into the air. Even through the trees and at a distance of about 50 yards, it was a bewitching setting.
"I never thought I would ever be here. HERE! With a man. With a man like THAT. Who actually lives here? And a man like him...who looks like him!? It's so much. And I'm not even sure that I'm...gay."
It all came out in a squeaky breathless rush, like a wall had come down inside him.
"Well, as for that," I said with more lecture in my tone than I had a right to, "don't label anything, including yourself, until you feel ready to do so. Until it feels right to you."
Justin rolled his eyes to the sky. Much more dramatic than I had seen him be to this point.
"Well that's all very well and good for you to say. You know already and you don't got someone knocking on your door waiting for an answer."
Kitty had claws.
Good.
He was going to need them, paired with a strong backbone if he was going to attempt to domesticate a jock. I know, I know, that's dehumanizing. But the mindset helped. Hypocritical though it may be.
"If someone is knocking on your door, you decide if you open it. You know who's waiting on the other side. So you just have to determine if that person on the other side of the door is someone you want to come in your house."
"And how am I supposed to know that?!" Justin whined.
"You know already. You just don't want to admit it yet. Not even to yourself. You will eventually, one way or the other."
"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Justin nearly screamed in tender exasperation. "How does he put up with you!? It's gotta be like dating a Russian novel: too many details to manage and everything connected and interwoven. How do you live in that head of yours?"
"I'll let you know when I figure that out myself," I said with a smile and a gentle tug on his arm.
We walked a bit further and opened the back gate with a sharp tug on a braided leather handle strap. The stone lined path continued around the back half of the house and curved to the right, leading to the back deck. The smell of grilling meat was more pronounced and the jovial voices of Daniel and Ian, punctuated with booming and golden peels of laughter, floated to us on the warm air.
Justin's eyes looked sad.
"You open that door when you want, okay?"
He nodded.
"And you decide what that means to you if and when you do. No one gets to decide what you are other than you."
Another, more vigorous nod.
"Thanks," he whispered and pulled me a bit closer to him. "I would find a new friend like you after I graduated from school. Typical."
I giggled.
"Hey, us nerds have to stick together. Even in our newfound freedom." I raised my fist. "Nerd Brigade Forever!"
Justin raised his own fist. "Nerd Brigade Forever."
"Even though we both suddenly got these big strong body guards," I added.
"Who just happen to love bouncing up and down on our gigantic nerd boy cocks," he finished.
That sent us both into wild fits of laughter that lasted till we had almost reached the back corner of the house.
Justin suddenly stopped me, before we turned the corner.
"He loves you, doesn't he?" he asked.
"Daniel?"
Justin nodded. "I mean, he really, truly loves you. Not high school popularity kind of love. He really loves you?"
I felt myself getting suddenly warm. The kind of good warm that came from an excess of happiness that built up inside you until it burst from every pore in your body. The smile that crept up my cheeks was one of those rare genuine smiles. The kind where you simply have to smile because to not smile would make you explode.
I nodded and bounced a little.
"Yeah, he does."
"And you, obviously, love him?" Justin asked.
From the way he was studying my body language, I knew and he knew that he already had his answer.
"More than anything."
Justin stared at me for a while, studying me. I had done that to other people for a long time, but hadn't ever noticed it being done to me. It was oddly unnerving. I felt like he was weighing me. Luckily, my body-smile happiness was enough to stave off the weirdness of the observation.
"I guess that wouldn't be so bad," Justin said after a little.
I grabbed his elbow again, pulled him close and very nearly giggled at him:
"Oh, it's the best fucking thing on the whole damned planet!"
I pulled him around the back corner of the house and towards our waiting boys.
You couldn't even see the top of the deck from the back yard. It extended from the second story of the house. Three wide wooden staircases criss crossed upwards to the main platform. Grill smoke twirled and danced from up on that unseen level.
Arm in arm, the Nerd Brigade headed upwards. The vast back deck was easily the size of the first floor of my house. A massive gas grill stretched nearly 10 feet along one front edge of the pentagonal space. Grill might not be the best word. More like an entire outdoor kitchen with a small fridge, several gas burners and two massive chrome covered grill tops, all covered in grey stone and mortar to match the house itself.
Daniel had joined Ian and removed his tank top. He stood shirtless in the reddish sunset, one hand in his pocket and the other lazily grasping a brownish beer bottle. He looked like some kind of Greek God, muscles gleaming, his chest hair making dark patches on his rippled body. He leaned on the railing, one foot crossed over the other, chatting with the broad shouldered Ian who masterfully manned the grill with an array of cooking tools and implements that would have made the Spanish Inquisition jealous.
Justin and I arrived on the top level of the deck and I finally got a full view of the back yard leading down to the lake shore. An in-ground pool in a long rectangle took up a large portion of the yard. A hot tub bubbled away on the bottom right corner of the pool, looking like a stone lined thought bubble coming from the pool itself. The lawn was almost unnaturally green and massive, with small circular and ovular gardens dotted the outside edge of the space, complete with climbing ivy and primrose creeping up the stone and iron fence. Ian's family had at least 30 yards of lake front shoreline to their name, a strip of yellow-brown sand about 10 feet deep. The simple wooden dock stretched 10 yards into the darkening and placid waters, with a large covered pontoon boat, moored and bobbing at the end. Two massive pine trees at the shore line were the poles for a serene looking hammock.
I felt more than saw Justin leave my side and make his way toward Ian, who still hadn't noticed our arrival yet. I smiled to myself and watched what I had gotten the feeling was about to happen.
Justin marched forcefully toward Ian, put his long-fingered hands on his massive shoulders and gently turned him around. Ian's face was a wave of shock that quickly melted into what I can only call burgeoning adoration when he realized it was Justin who now stood before him. Justin's palms moved to the square mounds of Ian's hairless pecs and he squeezed slightly, lifted himself onto his toes and planted a full kiss on Ian's slightly surprised lips.
Like watching a block of salt dissolve in the rain, Ian seemed to soften before my eyes. His arms rose and encircled Justin's slim waist, pulling him further into his embrace and returning the kiss with equal passion.
"What was that for?" Ian asked, his eyes soft and unable to look away from Justin's emerald green gaze.
Justin shrugged nonchalantly.
"No reason. I just wanted to. A thank you."
"No need to thank me, babe," Ian said, ruffling Justin's red-blonde curls as he kissed him gently on the forehead. "It's my pleasure."
For my part, I walked into Daniel's open arms and made myself comfortable.
"Guess he decided to open the door," I said, only half to myself.
"Huh?" Daniel intoned, his warm fingers sliding down my sides and into the hem of my pants to rest on my jutting hip bones.
"Nothing, baby. Just something between me and Justin."
Daniel left it at that.
"Be that as it may, where's mine? Huh?" Daniel joked, squeezing my hip bones.
"Fine. If I must," I sighed with dramatic flair.
I kissed him gently and rested my head on his shoulder.
The four of us, a gathering which I would soon come to find to be my core summer friends, talked and chatted for about 30 minutes. The jocks routinely and somewhat obsessively checked the burgers and bratwursts, inspecting the char and generally messing with them over and over again. Justin and I even helped ourselves to a beer. I know it is slightly illegal, but up to that point, I hadn't ever partaken of any alcoholic beverage. And the taste of a beer made it clear that I was never going to be a heavy drinker. That first beer took me nearly an hour to consume.
A door bell that sounded like something from Notre Dame suddenly echoed through the open back door. Ian's eyebrows shot up and he became the human version of the most excited puppy imaginable. He bounced on his toes and his muscles shook.
"AND SO IT BEGINS!" he yelled to the sky with his fists upraised like a gladiator in the Coliseum.
Ian bounded towards the door, pausing only to give Justin a quick peck on the cheek.
"Come on, D!" he bellowed.
Daniel gave me a small kiss and said, "be back in a minute babe," and left to follow Ian. Justin and I looked at each other for a moment, our eyes rolling at the macho jock antics of our respective partners.
"Opening that door, huh?" I asked.
"I've stayed inside that room, alone, for long enough at this point."
I smiled at him, my brother in arms on this strange journey we had both found ourselves a part of.
"Don't leave my sight tonight," I pleaded. "We may have big strong jock boyfriends now, but these are still the same people we've spent the last four years avoiding."
"Ditto," Justin said, grinding his teeth together in slow circles, a habit of his I'd come to know.
"Once more, into the breech!" I breathed quietly, turning with Justin to face the back door and find out which of our myriad torturers from the past years would be the first to cross its' threshold.
"Nerd Brigade Forever."
"Nerd Brigade Forever."