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33
I felt his thoughts settle and relax and I turned my attention to that other presence I felt.
"Joe?" I called softly.
His eyes opened, but they weren't Brian's.
"Hello," he said hesitantly. His voice was not as deep as Brian's and I recognized his accent from my years along the Mediterranean.
"It's all right," I said with a smile. "I just want to talk to you."
"About?" he asked warily.
"About you. About Brian. And about Paul."
"Quite the topic," he said, a smile tugging at his lips. "Like I told Paul, I'm not sure what I am. Whether I'm just a memory in Brian's mind or if...I'm really here."
"You're really here," I assured him. "I am quite familiar with spirits and you are a part of Brian, yet apart from him, if that makes any sense."
"Not really," he said, slightly shaking his head. "But I thought I was me. I remember things from my life before I met Brian. Things he wouldn't know. So how did I get here?"
"Brian is a spirit keeper. Or soon will be. To be honest, I'm not sure how he caught you. I have to admit, he's the first one I've met in a long time. But I only hold werebear spirits," I said, rubbing my beard. "And at that, only after I became a werebear. I think he's something special."
"Yes he is," he smiled, somewhat sadly. "I think I knew that from the day we met."
"How did you meet?" I asked, thinking perhaps the past held the secret.
"Well, I was out at one of the local bars for my birthday. When who should walk in but my old friend, Tom, and the guy he was seeing. Brian. Everyone in the bar turned to check out the 'fresh meat' before pretending to be interested in their drinks. There were a lot of jealous guys. Including me," he said sheepishly. "He met my eyes and blushed. They came over and Tom introduced us. They spent a good part of the evening with me, standing at the bar, watching the dancers. I have to admit, I was flirting with him, even though I knew he was with my friend."
His face seemed to darken as he grimaced.
"I'm not exactly proud of it, but I couldn't help myself. And he seemed equally conflicted. Before they left, I slipped him my number. Wasn't sure I'd hear from him, but a couple of month later, he called. He and Tom were having...issues."
"And he wanted to get it on with you?" I chuckled.
"Perhaps," he said shyly. "But he wanted to talk about Tom. He thought that since we were friends, and used to play together, I might offer some insight into his behavior. I told him that it had been years since Tom and I had been close. Even so, we ended up talking for hours. And after that first time, often. Not long after that, they got in a big fight. Seems that one morning, after a long night of drinking and screwing, Tom woke him up and told him to get out because his parents were coming over."
"Oh? And how young was Tom?" I asked in surprise.
"About thirty seven, I think."
"So, his parents didn't know?"
"Well, they knew his...preferences, but.... That was the last straw for him. They ended up breaking up. He showed up at my door, in tears. I let him in and we talked for a long time. I was surprised to find out that he thought it was because he was unattractive," he said, giving me a wry glance. "He hasn't changed that much. What do you think?"
"Think he's hot as hell," I leered.
"At first, I thought it was just pretense, that he wanted me to flatter him. But as we talked, I realized that was really how he saw himself. I took him into my arms, telling him how I saw him. He looked at me in surprise. I...I couldn't help myself. I pulled him close, bringing his lips to mine. I knew I should have told him then, but...."
"Told him what?" I asked gently.
"That I was HIV positive," he grimace. "We ended up making love. Up until that point, he had been a bottom. He was hung, even then and was afraid of hurting someone," he smirked. "And it hurt, but I wanted it. And it was...it was incredible."
"I know. Seems you taught him well."
"Well, I figured it was a once off. That I was just his rebound. But when he called the next day, asking if he could see me again. I suggested that night. Not sure how he got to my door so quick."
I laughed while he chuckled sheepishly.
"I admit, I almost blew it. I couldn't believe...I couldn't believe he was for real. I figured he was probably seeing others, too. But, I couldn't find anyone else who had been with him after Tom. And trust me, there were always guys flirting with him when we'd go out anywhere. But he never seemed to notice. When I'd mention it to him, he certainly seemed surprised. He would say I was being silly. Said he couldn't see why anyone would be interested in him while I was around."
"Well, from that painting, I can tell you were a very handsome man," I said and he seemed to blush.
"I mean, I was twenty years older than he was. I know that's not much to you," he glanced slyly at me. "But, it did to his parents. I know they fought over it. But he refused to let me go."
He paused to ponder his words.
"But over the years, I think they mellowed a bit. We never actually met, I...I've always been a little afraid of being judged by others."
"There's nothing to be ashamed of, son. Man isn't the only species to form long term bond. And in every one of those species, there occasionally will be a same sex pairing. And the creatures of the Earth are innocent in a way man will never be. They do not cast out such pairings or try to destroy them. They are simply acting the way they were meant to. So if it happens in nature, how can it be unnatural?"
"I wish I had met you when I was younger," he said with a lop-sided smile. "Might have help me a lot."
"I'm thinking I wish I had, too," I said, licking my lips.
"Well," he said, blushing, "My family never seemed to have any problem with...the way I was. They had always welcomed my lovers. By the time I met him, all I really had left was my sister and her children. Well, there's my brother, Pete, but...he never even came to see me before.... Brian often told me they made him feel like part of the family, even though he was just a little younger than my niece and nephew. Though to be honest, I had never had a lover so much younger than me before."
"But he was an adult when you met him. He knew who and what he was. There's nothing wrong with that," I said soothingly.
"Yes," he said with a smile, "I guess you would certainly understand that."
"Well, there aren't too many of my...contemporaries around any more. Not physically," I said, patting my chest. "So pretty much, everyone alive is younger than I am."
"He remained close to his family. I think they had come to accept me in a way. As I said, we never actually met, but I would talk to his mother when she'd call for him when he was out. During our talks, I found out, strangely enough, our parents had lived only a few blocks from each other, yet we had never met. I think she knew how much I loved her son."
"And how did he take it when he lost them?" I asked.
"How did...?" he began. "Oh. Well, he took it hard. I...I think that if he didn't have me...he might have joined him," he said softly, his eyes haunted.
"And what a loss that would have been," I whispered, gently patting his hand.
"But still he worried me. He...he seemed to lock away his grief. I think he felt he had to in order to go on. He took over control of his father's business. They had all figured his sister would take it over, but, since she was with them when.... But he took to it well. Landed on his feet as he always seems to do. Kept the company going. Then I started feeling unwell and couldn't seem to get over it," he said heavily.
"He kept urging me to see a doctor. Which was funny coming from him. Don't think he had seen one the whole time I'd known him. I at least saw mine regularly. Kind of had to," he said, sorrow in his eyes.
"I finally went to the doctor. My sister took me while he was at work. Ended up having to call him on the way to the hospital. By the time he got there, I was already in surgery."
His eyed grew haunted and I took his...well, Brian's hand in mine.
"I guess I can see where Brian gets it from," he said with a sad smile. "When I came out of it, he wasn't there. Since he wasn't 'family', they wouldn't let him up yet. But he knew the prognosis. They had removed a tumor and a good part of my digestive track, but the cancer had metastasized already. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I was left alone with my sister, she told me that when the doctors had informed them about it, my niece had asked how it would affect my status."
"You never told him," I said simply.
"I was scared to," he said, tears in his eyes. "I thought if he knew, I'd lose him. But the next morning, he came into my room with a bouquet of flowers. He told me he was upset I hadn't told him, but nothing would change the way he felt about me. That if I had infected him, it would be a small price to pay for me."
His lower lip was trembling and I pulled him close as he wept against my shoulder.
"I kept asking what I had done to deserve someone like him," he said thickly. "Of course, that would infer I had done something to deserve what I had."
I held him until he pulled away.
"He cared for me the best he could. He acquiesced to my wish to be home. Someone was always there. My sister, a visiting nurse, but mostly him. I knew his needs, but also knew he was never the aggressor. I tried to talk him into going out and finding someone. Just to get some release, but he refused."
The tears in his eyes matched my own. I could feel his grief mixed with wonder.
"Then, at the end, it hurt so much. It was a struggle just to breathe. He took my hand and whispered to me, 'Don't stay for me. I'll be all right'. I felt a release with me. I saw the bright light they always talk about, and I went to it. But it was him. I was within him. I felt his grief burning away at him, felt him struggling against it. Then suddenly, nothing. It wasn't gone, but locked away. But at the same time, everything was locked out as well."
"So that's what happened," I whispered, awestruck. He glanced at me questioningly. "I had always felt him, no matter where we were. All I knew was he was suddenly gone and I couldn't find him. I had feared we had...lost him."
"Well, I didn't know what was going on. I was within him, but couldn't get through to him. I could talk to him in his dreams, but when I tried, he'd get so angry, he would wake himself up."
"Angry at you?" I asked.
"No. I think he knows I wouldn't have left him willingly. I think it was anger at himself, for making him dream about me."
"Did he try to...harm himself afterward?" I asked.
"Strangely no," he said. "The thought did occur to him, but he felt it would be a betrayal of the love he had for me."
The more I heard, the more impressed I became. He was not only strong physically, but emotionally. I'm afraid he would need all his strength for the trials coming up.
"He maintained his normal routines, but something had changed. Maybe I was imagining things, but ask Paul how people were reacting to Brian when they met."
"Speaking of which, how do you feel about them?" I asked.
"I'm ecstatic," he said. "I didn't want him to be alone. And oddly enough, after they met, I was finally able to get through to him. To let him know it was all right. Doesn't hurt that Paul's incredibly hot," he said, grinning wickedly.
"That he is," I agreed.
"Brian felt there was something Paul was holding back. He thought...he thought it might be what I had held back from him. But, at first, he had assumed all Paul wanted was a one night fling. He struggled, trying to keep from falling in love with him. He didn't know then that Paul felt the same way about him.
"Then he found out what Paul really is. You know, it's rather funny. Do you know what Brian's greatest fear is?" he asked.
"No," I replied.
"He's afraid of immortality. I know it sound silly, but, well, look at you? You said something about him recovering from injuries. I've seen some of them. He was afraid of being alone with his griefs for all eternity. That he'd have to watch everything he loves fall away from him."
"I...I suppose I can certainly understand that," I said slowly. "So why...?"
"Because when Paul explained it to him, he realized that if it happened, he wouldn't necessarily be alone."
"Yes, it helps," I nodded.
"Paul was still hesitant, so I talked to him, like I am you. I wasn't sure if I could, but it seems that when his focus is...elsewhere, I can...manifest? I'm afraid I might have scared him. But I wanted him to know I was here, but also wanted him to know I wasn't going to interfere."
"What if Brian has to give you up when he is...reborn?" I asked. Even I was unsure what would happen.
"Then I go where I need to," he said with a sigh. "If that's the price I have to pay...."
I looked into those eyes, somewhat sadly. Here was another good man who I didn't doubt would have made a good bear.
"He's waking," he said suddenly, his eyes shutting over Brian's closed eyes.
He stirred as the sun began to peek over the horizon. I relaxed next to him, expecting his need to wake him.
I was surprised when instead he simply rose from the bed and padded out into the hallway. I rose and followed him back to his studio. I found him setting up a canvas.
"Brian?" I called softly.
"I'll be along shortly," he said distantly.
He was scraping a piece of charcoal across the rough surface, sketching out a rough outline.
"I'll have breakfast ready when you're done," I chuckled.
34
I went looking for Paul and found him and the rest snoozing away in the basement. They had a gymnasium/playroom down there and it had obviously been put to good use. With a quiet chuckle, I turned off the lights and closed the door.
I went to the kitchen and started searching through the cabinets. The pantry was fairly well stocked, but I knew it wasn't going to be enough. Was a wonder his hunger didn't match desire. I now wish I hadn't wasted so much time on the road. I really hadn't expected this. But on the other hand, Brian had needed the time alone to properly bond with Paul.
As I pulled out the fixings for a proper breakfast, I thought about Joe. I didn't know how he would affect Brian's change. Maybe it would be nothing. Hopefully, it would be nothing.
I mixed up some pancake batter and put it in the fridge, unsure how long he would be. I opened a package of bacon and a box of sausage links and fired up the griddle. I found an apron, knowing the dangers of bacon grease and bare skin. Yes, it'd heal, but it still hurt.
It wasn't long before I heard the sound of bare feet coming upstairs.
It was Paul, fortunately alone. There were some things we needed to discuss. Privately.
I awoke some time later, a little disoriented. The room was dark, with a sliver of light showing under the door. Loud snoring filled the darkness, probably from the lumpy pile of fur under my head.
I rose silently and crept to the door, slipping out without waking the others. I padded up the stairs, following the scent of frying bacon.
I walked into the kitchen, yawning and scratching myself.
"Morning, sleepyhead," Grandpapa said cheerfully. He was standing at the griddle, flipping pancakes, wearing my apron.
I stepping up behind him, wrapping my arms around him, feeling his fuzzy belly.
"Something smells good," I said.
"Think that's you, reeking of bear and sex," he chuckled, turning to give me a kiss.
"You're up early," I said, nuzzling his neck.
"Grow up, boy. I haven't been to sleep yet," he laughed.
"Where's Brian? He's not still...?" I said, pulling away.
"No, he's not asleep. He's working on something. Don't worry. I'm sure Joe won't let anything happen to your cub."
I relaxed, then jerk up, realizing what he'd said.
"Joe?" I said in surprise. "You mean, he spoke to...he's...."
"Oh, he's real. He told me he talked to you. Thought you might not believe it was really him," he grinned at my expression.
I reached back, feeling for a chair before I fell over.
"What? How?"
"Brian is...not your average bear," he said, his eyes a little sad. "He's got a difficult path ahead of him. He's going to to need you to get through the next week."
"Why? What happens next week?" I asked.
"He's going to change," he said, looking at me askance.
"What?" I shouted, surging to my feet, knocking the chair back. "It hasn't even been two months!"
"I know, but it's true."
"How can that be?"
"You know he recovered from a neck injury, years ago. He healed from a gut wound in minutes, just after you changed him. He was incredibly strong before you even met him. True?"
"Yes, but...."
"He has been half way to being one of us all his life. When you bred him, he kicked into overdrive. So now he's going to be changing, with half the time to get ready. Speaking of which, we need to get more groceries. He's going to be needing a lot of calories in the next week."
"Oh shit!" I said, clutching the table. "My first cub and I fuck it up."
"Paul!" he said sternly. "This was nothing you did or didn't do. What is it they say these days? It is what it is. I'll be here with you and if I can get him to stay, Jim too."
I felt as if a great weight lifted from my shoulders.
"Thanks. I...I think I'm in over my head."
"I'd be concerned if you didn't think so," he said, with a slight smile. "I'm hoping I'll be up to handling it, myself."
"You sure handled it enough last night," Brian said as he walked into the kitchen. He was carrying a canvas behind his back.
I handed him a plate piled high with pancakes, silently cursing.
"Bacon...." he growled as I slid several strips onto the plate along with some links.
"You eat that and I'll get started on some eggs for you" I said, cracking eggs into a bowl.
"If I eat all this I'll explode," he groused, then smiled. "Trade you."
He slid the canvas onto the counter where it wouldn't get splattered. It made me smile. It was like when he had pulled the image of Rick from Paul's mind. He appeared to have found an old image from my own. Maybe it was because of our conversation, but it was a painting of me and my 'brother', probably around the time we became the basis of that ancient 'myth'. It was hard to remember that we ever looked that young, though even then, we had been around for centuries.
"Careful. It's not dry yet," he said unnecessarily.
"Excellent!" I grinned, amazed. "You were able to pick that right out."
"Thanks," he said walking to the table. He set his plate down and righted the chair.
"Morning, Papa," he said, pulling Paul into his embrace. I smiled, feeling how much he loved him. It was much easier to read him this morning. Perhaps it was because of the physical contact we'd shared. Or perhaps it was because he had allowed me to touch his very soul.
"Morning, Cub," he said. "You need to eat."
"I take it you told him?" Brian said, turning to look at me wryly.
"Duh!" I grunted, pouring the whisked eggs into the frying pan. "It's not like he didn't need to know."
"I know. But I also know how much he worries about me."
He sat and began shoveling the food into his mouth. I slid a plateful of pancakes in front of Paul.
"You're going to need your energy, too." I chuckled affectionately.
"How much have you told him?" Brian asked, around a mouthful of sausage.
"That you've only got about a week to go. That we've got to get you fattened up. That you're a really great lay."
"Grandpapa!" Brian exclaimed.
"Oops! I hadn't told him that last one, yet. Paul, your cub's a really great lay," I said evilly as he blushed.
"Tell me something I don't know," Paul chuckled. "So who's the painting of?"
"That's me," I said, pointing to the older of the two, "And my 'brother'."
"How did he...?"
"How did he know Rick? I started telling you earlier," I said, hoping he wouldn't asked too much right now. I don't think I wanted Brian to know that Joe still existed, within him. "He bonds deeply with the ones he loves."
I thought I understood what he was trying to say, but I'd ask him about it later. It was something he didn't want Brian to know about, yet.
"Deeper than even the papa/cub bond," he continued. "It allows him to 'see' what's important to others."
I sensed there was more he wanted to say, but not now.
"So that's how you could paint Rick so perfectly," I said. "But nothing happened after he played with Mike and Cliff."
"I think that was because that was just play, not love," Brian said reaching over to stroke my arm.
"I think it's because you haven't changed, yet," Grandpapa said solemnly. "I'm guessing that will expand as well as everything else about him."
"You mean this is going to get even bigger?" Brian said, grabbing his dick.
"Most likely," Grandpapa smirked, setting a plate of eggs and toast on the table and pinching Brian's tit. "Now put that thing away and eat."
"Did someone say 'Eat'," Jim said as he shuffled into the kitchen with the boys trailing sleepily behind him.
"Dude! You gonna share?" Mike said sitting next to Brian, trying to sneak a sausage from his plate.
"Hands off," Grandpapa roared. "I'll make you some of your own."
"What's up?" Jim said, standing with his hands on his hips, glaring from Grandpapa to me and back.
"What makes you think something's up?" I said.
"I've been a papa longer than you. I just know when something's up," he said glancing at his cub. Mike held his hands up innocently.
"I guess we should tell them," Brian said, looking from me to Grandpapa, then Jim. "I'm pregnant," he deadpanned.
The three of them gaped at him then started cracking up.
"Actually, Jim, I was hoping I could get you to stay here with us for a while," Grandpapa said.
"Don't see why not," he said with a shrug. "Had planned to spend some time with Mike and Cliff, but I can see spending some time getting to know my new nephew."
Mike stuck his tongue out at Jim as they sat down at the table.
"Don't stick that out unless you're planning on using it," Jim growled. "So what is going on?" he said, turning back to us.
"I want you here when Brian changes next week," Grandpapa said calmly.
"What?!?" Jim shouted, surging to his feet, knocking his chair back.
Grandpapa looked at me, shaking his head.
"Can tell you two are 'related'," he said.
"Because of what he is," he continued, "He's progressing about twice as fast as he should be."
"So that's why you've got him stuffing his face," Mike said.
"Yes. He's got to try take in two months worth of calories in a week," Grandpapa replied.
Mike snickered, then sobered.
"You're serious," he said.
"Very."
"What can we do?" Cliff asked, glancing at Brian, who seemed very interested in his food.
"You've got things you have to take care of," Jim answered, staring at me. "I'm staying here."
Apparently my relief was evident because he winked at me.
"You boys go on home and try to get back next weekend."
"Don't worry, cuz. We'll be here for you," Mike assured him, Cliff nodding in agreement.