Past Dreams
Dark, ominous clouds were building on the horizon. The ocean was strangely still, considering the look of the coming storm. Sean stared at the calm water with trepidation. Out in the distance he saw a lone swimmer and he feared for his safety.
He sensed her come near and opened his arms to draw her in close. Together, they gazed out at the man swimming nearer.
"Do you love me?"
Mandy's voice was no more than a whisper carried to his ears on a light breeze.
"You know that I do?"
"Will you give him life?"
The question confused him. Give who life?
"I don't understand."
Sean watched the swimmer come onto the beach and begin to walk toward them. He was taller than Sean, six foot two. How did he know that? Salt water flew as he shook it out of his dark, caramel hair and glistened like diamonds on his sun bronzed skin. Something in Sean's heart stirred as the young man approached. Love? Pride? He seemed so familiar to him, as though he'd known him forever.
Hands pulled Sean back and he rested against Josh's chest with a sigh. Mandy was no longer in his arms, but stood at his side. She held out her hand and the swimmer took it, leaning down and giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek.
Sean stood wrapped in Joshua's arms and watched Mandy walk through the surf with the young man. He moved away from her and looked back at them, a look of fear then resignation crossed his features as he backed into the water. Mandy turned away from him and looked back at them. Her imploring eyes, went from one to the other, finally resting on Joshua.
"Will you give him life?"
Sean woke with a gasp and sat up in bed. He looked around in the morning light and listened to the sounds coming from the bathroom. Josh was up and just getting out of the shower. This was the sixth time he'd had the same dream, but the first that she'd asked Josh the same question. "Will you give him life?" It was the swimmer she was asking about. He knew that, but who was he? And why was he so familiar?
As he sat, pondering what it all meant, Josh sat next to him and pulled him in for his morning kiss.
"What are you thinking about?"
Sean rested his head on Josh's shoulder and took a long breath, pulling in his clean scent. "Not much, just contemplating life."
"Mmm, life huh?"
Josh lifted Sean's chin to look closely into his eyes. After a minute of searching, he bent down to kiss him. Contemplating life. A knot had been growing in his gut, a feeling that life was about to throw one of its many scathing curves in his direction. Sean had been restless in his sleep over the last week, sometimes mumbling incoherently then jerking awake.
"Sean..."
"Not now." Sean got up and headed for the bathroom. "You better hurry or you're going to be late. You know how traffic is."
Josh turned and stared after him as he disappeared into the bathroom. They had always been able to talk, why not now? He waited for Sean.
"Seriously, Josh, you're going to be late," Sean said from the doorway. "We can talk later."
"Promise me. Promise me that you'll tell me what's bothering you."
"Bothering me?"
"Yes, bothering you. Do you honestly think I can't see when you're in turmoil?"
Sean chewed at his lower lip. It was just a dream, why was it bothering him? It was the swimmer, the way he'd begun to fade into the water, the look of resignation on his face. It was the way Mandy had asked Josh if he would give him life.
"Sean." Josh was in front of him, lifting his chin to look into his eyes again. "Why won't you talk to me?"
"I will. Later. Please, Josh, I can't right now."
He needed to see Mandy. She reads dreams. She'll know what to do.
Josh sighed and turned away. "Okay. Later."
Sean waited on the beach for Mandy. Her shift had ended and she'd gone in for a swim before going home. He stared out at the ocean, squinting when the sunlight bounced off the waves into his eyes. This ocean was different from the one in his dreams and he wondered if the ocean of his dreams was really water. Well, that's just weird. Of course it was water, but then it was a dream, it could be anything.
He watched as Mandy's lithe form appeared and she began to walk to him. There was something different in her expression when she saw him waiting. Before, she would have given him a bright smile and rushed out of the surf to greet him. This time, she was subdued. It was almost as if a heavy weight of grief weighed her down.
When she reached him, her hand came up and fingers gently stroked his cheek. He saw tears in her eyes, even through the salt water still running down from her hair.
"What's wrong?"
Mandy sighed and took the towel he'd been holding for her.
"Let me change."
He followed her to the changing rooms and waited. When she came back out, she was dressed in a pale yellow sundress. Her honey colored hair was dry and wisped along her waist in the afternoon breeze. Yellow was a good color for her. It lay nice against her golden tan.
"You clean up well."
Usually, this comment would be rewarded with a smile and sparkle in her green eyes. Usually.
She reached out for his hand and they walked away from the beach. Settling down on a bench in the nearby park, Sean turned her chin to look at her.
"Mandy?"
A single tear spilled out from the corner of her eye and left a trail down her cheek.
"I'm leaving, Sean."
"Leaving? Why? The summer isn't over, I thought you were staying for the season."
"I was staying for my season."
"Huh?"
She pulled away from his hand and stared out across the grass.
"It's hard to explain. Really, I don't think I can explain. I only know that after today, I will be somewhere else. I've failed somehow and things are going to get dark."
"Failed at what?"
She was quiet for a time, her brow furrowed as she tried to think. Sean waited, watching her and absently played with her long hair. After a while, she looked up at him.
"Do you ever dream of the ocean?"
His hand froze in her hair.
"Yes."
"It isn't really the ocean, you know that right?"
"Nothing in dreams is really what they look like. You taught me that."
"No, that isn't true. Some things in dreams are very real; others are facade, symbols that work with your own perceptions. Dreams come in many forms. An overworked soul trying to put order to the chaos of his life. A mind filled with the distractions of television and books. Reconciliation of past events and sometimes, though rare, future possibilities."
He dropped his hand and moved it to his lap.
"Okay. So, why the question about dreaming of the ocean?"
She went back to staring out over the grass.
"Because I dream of it too. It's why I'm here."
"What is the ocean?"
"Depends on the person and the dream."
Exasperated, Sean rubbed his eyes and sighed.
"Mandy, you're not making any sense. What is the ocean to you? What is it in your dream?"
"Emotional despair."
"Your own?"
"No. It belongs to the world we live in. It's been growing, getting darker. I see it everywhere now. It's pulling the color out of the world, making it black and white. It lays deceptively still, unseen by most, but it's there. It'll crush us if we let it."
Sean put a hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him.
"Tell me about your dream."
She stared into his eyes for a moment, searching for the answer to an unasked question. Finding the answer, she closed her eyes and began.
"It's night and the sky is filled with starlight, prisms of color shining down on me. I stare up into the heavens and the stars begin to move. They come down to me, flow through me, speak to me. They tell me I am a complete soul and from me will come another. One that will help to bring the color back into the world. It's daylight then and I can see him. He swims in an ocean, calm as glass. He keeps it calm and the world becomes brighter because he's in it."
She stopped speaking as a tear slipped out from her closed lids.
"Last night, the ocean grew dark. He wasn't there."
"And that's why you think you have to leave?"
She didn't answer.
"Because of a dream? How do you know this swimmer won't be back in your dreams tonight? Who is this person anyway?"
She remained perfectly still under his hand.
"Mandy, who is he?"
"My son."