Jenna
The eyes in the mirror change to reveal my true form and allow me to sense the presence of the others surrounding me. He had seen a child, but was it the child they had been searching for?
"Jenna, what's happened?"
"You tell me. What child did he see? Is it the one?"
"What do you feel?"
Closing my eyes and spreading my arms out to the air, I try to pull from the ones across the street. They are guarded as they dream and I can feel Joshua awaken. The answer is in Sean. I try to focus. He sees me come to him and turns the child away.
No, Sean, I'm not here to hurt him. Please, I need to see his face.
His eyes narrow as he looks over his shoulder. Why?
The water at his back grows dark then begins to fade. He's waking.
I open my eyes and stare into the mirror.
"He's protecting this child in his dreams, as if he is his own."
Silence surrounds me.
"Talk to me. Tell me what I need to know. Show me."
This is ridiculous. Why will they not answer? I close my eyes and reach out to Sean again. He is one with Joshua so I can't break through to his mind.
In desperation, I start for the door.
"Stop, Jenna. We will answer."
It's quiet as I return to the livingroom. Quiet, but I can sense confusion, hurt, and fear coming from upstairs.
"Nooo!"
It's Sean. Oh, my poor baby. The decisions you've had to make. The things that have been hidden from you. Hidden from you both. They should never have taken the memories from you. They should have known that together you would begin to see. So, now I know that I am not here to bind your souls.
I find the cd I need in the stereo and start it playing before making my way up the stairs. The bed is in disarray and I can hear them outside on the balcony.
They are a picture of beauty as they dance. Mesmerizing. This is what the world should be like. Free and colorful in form. There is such love in these two. It pours off of them and flows out and around in the air surrounding their souls. It draws me out, into its calm and warmth.
The music stops and with it, their dance. They are beautiful together. Day and night, complete in each other. Their souls combined and united. As Joshua brushes his cheek in Sean's hair, the silver light I saw earlier pulses. As he breathes in his scent, his eyes grow wide and he begins to sway. They are one now and all the visions that have passed through Sean will flow through Joshua.
"Josh?"
Sean senses the change in his posture and draws back to look at him. The swaying stops and I can see the distant look of recognition form.
"Joshua?"
I need to see the child. I want to confirm what has been said, so I close my eyes and reach out.
"Stop!"
His voice comes in and severs my vision. He's so much stronger than I imagined he could be. What a fool I've been. I allowed myself to be manipulated by the others. I refused to see what was happening right before my eyes. Believing I was here to bind them, I refused to see they already were. They always were. How else would he have been born.
"Sean, trust me, please."
"Trust you? Why should I trust you? Why should I trust any of you? You've been manipulating us from the time of our birth. All of us. We're just pawns on your game boards."
Sean leads Joshua to a chair and helps him sit. He's in a daze and goes quietly, eyes wide in wonder at whatever vision he's seeing. He's seeing the child, I know he is. His eyes begin to come back into focus. The recognition still causing wonder, but with it, fear.
"Sean. I didn't know what they had done. I didn't know what my presence here would do."
He flinches when I touch his shoulder. Joshua responds and pulls Sean into his lap. His eyes are cold as he looks up at me.
"Go away, Jenna."
"Joshua, you need to understand why. Don't just let this end here. He needs to understand. Please, let me in."
"NO! If you want us to understand, you can fucking talk to us. I don't want you or any more of your buddies inside our heads."
I can understand his anger. Time has not eased the pain of his dreams or questions; it has caused them to grow. They should have known better.
With my eyes cast upward to the night sky, I try to arrange my thoughts with what the others told me. I gaze at the starlight and pull the strength of the ones gone before. I am not the best one for speaking explanations. Words are difficult things to process. They are so often mixed between spoken and heard. Human perception of the spoken word can be daunting to those like me. Simple words, I love you, are misconstrued to mean whatever the hearer wishes. All dependent on the feelings of the individual at the time they are spoken. Then, there is how they are spoken. In anger, they are a curse, more times than not followed or preceded by pain. In sorrow, again there is pain. Are they being said to manipulate the circumstances or are they being said in truth? Too many words are thrown out with no meaning. So how do I make them understand?
"Jenna, just spit it out."
Oh, Joshua. I wish I could. No, what I wish is that the others hadn't caused such turmoil in this gentle soul. With a sigh, I sit with them and hold out my hands.
"Give me one of your hands."
Joshua stretches out and lays his hand on mine. Sean is subdued and looks at me with suspicion. Joshua combs his free hand through Sean's hair and kisses his brow.
"Go ahead, Babe."
I smile reassuringly at him as he places his hand on mine.
"Do you remember the glow from earlier?"
They nod as I press their hands together. Upon contact their fingers interlace.
"It seems I was mistaken in my explanation and I am not here to bind your souls as I thought."
The color that rises from their hands is almost blinding in its intensity. Brilliant royal blue, the color of his eyes. I know this, although I've never seen him.
"Can you see it?" Their eyes tell me they can. "It has been this way from the moment you met. Two halves that complete the whole. No, that isn't true. You were more than half then and now you are more than whole. You are unique among man in that regard."
As I speak to them, my fingers trace along their fingers. Down to the fingertip and up the other side, on to the next in one continuous line. The line I draw remains. A single, glimmering, silver thread in the blaze of blue.
"In my past experience, there were only two distinct forms of man. Whole and half. When I say man, I mean the soul of man. Most are half. They seek to become whole in uniting with another. It is not always accomplished as man has a tendency to withhold himself, thereby never fully joining. But, when they do; the heavens sparkle."
The silver thread glitters in the moonlight as I retrace and join the end to itself.
"All souls desire to be complete. There is an emptiness that can only be filled when they are. Too many times, I've seen half souls diminished rather than joined. Far too many times, they give of themselves only to be torn and left incomplete and bleeding. The only thing that heals these is the joining of a whole. Very rare, as a whole needs no joining to be complete."
The silver thread pulls tight as I insert my hand between theirs, unlocking their fingers. It sparkles through the blue and rises, blending and pulsing above our fingers. It grows and lifts away, becoming its own, though still connected by a single thread. They stare at this new form as it glitters like starlight.
"This is your swimmer."
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