Disclosure: The following rambling journal is a true (names changed) account of my own personal experiences. It is not my intent to offend or to challenge anyone with my narrative. I just thought it might be interesting to share my thoughts with this forum which I have viewed with enthusiasm for a few years. I am not gay, but I enjoy all kinds of erotica, especially descriptions of men enjoying their sexuality. Please do not read this if you are offended by descriptions of sex.
Steve & Steve, Part 6
The next couple of days were pretty normal. Lots of homework and the threat of approaching finals kept me cooped up for most of the week. It was also time for the last school dance of the year, not including the prom, which was the last big social event for juniors before the summer holiday. Steve and I had promised to go together, and I'd already received permission from my folks to let Steve sleep over after the dance. I really didn't know what to do about my feelings for Steve. I was pretty sure that I was not gay, but thoughts of jerking off with Steve had started to dominate my fantasies.
He had also planted a big seed in my brain by hinting that he would let me fuck him, if he was being serious, and I kept on visualizing him wriggling around on his sofa with my cock replacing my fingers as I fucked him senseless. I was not attracted to any guys at school, and never boned up in gym class, even in the showers. I mean, I noticed the development of the other guys, but never gawked at them or anything. Steve and I had a special connection, and I didn't know where it was leading us to. I just knew that it felt so much better jerking off together with Steve than it did when I was solo.
In a few short weeks we had progressed from jerking off together to jerking each other off, which in my mind did not constitute any serious violations of our straight identities. But I had to admit that when we were both sexed up almost anything was possible. The catalyst for our experimentation was watching porno's, and I hoped that Steve would bring one over on Friday night. For my part I had raided my father's stash of condoms, just in case.
Friday night was perfect. May that year was milder than usual, so we didn't have to wear coats or anything. It also meant that the after-dance parties were more likely than if the weather was crappy. Steve brought his overnight stuff to my house and I got my parents to drop us off at school (we'd have to walk home). We saw a group of friends waiting outside and joined them. I have not commented on my other socialization since Steve and I started jerking off, but I had been flirting with Michelle pretty steadily (see chapter 2). She was becoming a good friend, and I was hoping that once I got my driver's license I'd be able to ask her out. Michelle was cute, no question about that. She was one of the top track athletes at our school with a killer body. She was waiting in line with Tracy, one of her friends, and Steve and I started to talk to them.
"Hey, Hollywood!" Michelle said when we walked over. Steve kind of looked like Jim Carry, and I resembled (barely) Tom Cruise, so our friends called us "Hollywood." I smelt a slight waft of peppermint, and raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
"Hey back, Michelle! Has someone in line been drinking schnapps, `cause it smells like a mint factory over here?!" I asked.
Alarmed, Michelle breathed quickly into her hand to check her breath. It turned out to be Tracy who reeked of the schnapps, and Michelle had only had a few tastes. I quickly pulled out some Wrigley's and, like a true gentleman, offered some to both girls. Steve and I also started chewing to make us blend in, and Tracy started flirting pretty obviously with him. We made it past the security check (even in the 80's we had to be searched for bottles and drugs), and laughed a little as we walked into the gym. The hall was still mostly empty, and nobody was dancing. Tracy pulled Michelle away, and they both went to the restroom, but not before Michelle told me to save her a dance. I smiled at Steve and he grinned back.
"I think I'm going to take a shot at Tracy" he said once the girls were out of earshot.
"No problemo. It'll give me a chance to hang out with Michelle" I replied.
"Good, because she's got the hots for you" he told me, jabbing me in the stomach.
"Watch out there Steve-o" I said, shoving him back playfully. "Tracy's tipsy, and she's into you big-time."
We hung around the perimeters of the dance floor, and waited for things to heat up. Steve told me that he was planning to make serious moves with Tracy. He thought that moving away would give him the opportunity to make moves on her, and that if things didn't work out it wouldn't matter because he'd be gone. I told him to go for it, but was also unsure of what that meant for us, and the limited amount of time we would have together before he moved. To make a long story short, Steve hooked up with Tracy (she was more wasted than we thought, and had her tongue down his throat during the first slow dance), and I spent most of the night dancing with Michelle. We made it to McDonald's but it was pretty clear that Steve and Tracy wanted to be left alone, and Michelle had curfew so we all kind of split up. I ended up waiting at the restaurant until Michelle's parents arrived to pick her up, and walked home alone.
Steve never made it back to my place; he and Tracy's relationship took off that night, and they were inseparable until his family moved at the end of June. Her grandparents lived just outside of his new hometown, and she spent summers helping them sell vegetables or something, so it was a lucky hook-up for Steve. He moved away without us getting the chance to try any new jerk-off techniques or watch any more porno's, but I was consoled by having a pretty good relationship with Michelle. We dated on and off for the next 2 senior grades of high school, and only split up when she went to the west coast on a scholarship and I stayed closer to home. I still masturbated regularly; learning new techniques from Steve had helped me develop much better control and stamina, and I often jerked off while fantasizing about my experiences with him. Michelle and I got as far as groping each other, but we never had sex. I don't know if it was because of her religious background, but I still kind of regret not losing my virginity to her. Steve and I remained in contact casually and saw each other a couple of times each year when he would join his dad on business trips to the local office. We even got to wrestle together in our senior year at an invitational meet which was a lot of fun.
Let me jump ahead in my narrative now to save the boredom of my first 2 years at college. I had to pay my own way through school, and between work (5 part-time jobs at the same time) and studies there wasn't a lot of time for dating. I had just started cramming for my finals when I got a phone call from Steve. He was in town and wanted to get together. I shared a house with 3 other students, but they were all on co-op work assignments out of town. It was the one thing I had going for me that term; plenty of quiet time to let me recover from an otherwise hectic schedule. It was a Friday, and I had two exams on Monday, but I hadn't seen Steve in ages and needed a break. Steve showed up at my apartment, and we talked for while, drinking beers and catching up.
He had taken a 2-year college course in law enforcement, and wanted to be an investigator. Now he was working nights as a security guard and hated it. His first goal was to get a job in a police department, and he was interviewing with our local force. The reason he was trying so hard to get a job out here was that Tracy was finishing her nursing degree, and was going to take a job at our main hospital. She was writing exams, and wasn't in town, so before I knew it Steve had invited himself to stay at my place for the weekend. I laid out the house rules for him, and also asked him to keep it down if I was studying, but to otherwise treat the place like home (the place was a pig-sty; my room was the only room in the house where you could actually see the floor, the other guys had their shit all over the place and I refused to pick it up, even though I'd had the place to myself for nearly a month).
We were casually watching some baseball when Steve said, "So do you have any porn?"
"None that you haven't seen," I said immediately, instantly recalling our shared "interest" in the genre. "Man, we watched some good stuff in high school. Do you still have some tapes?" I asked.
"Let's just say that my collection has expanded," he answered. "Check this out."
He reached into his knapsack and pulled out three VHS tapes. "Take your pick!"
I threw the first tape in the VCR, and turned it on. Our shitty apartment didn't have a sofa; we sat next to one another in armchairs and waited for the show to begin. Steve spoke a bit about Tracy and how much he missed her, and how coming here for the weekend and not getting to see her was going to give him a case of blue balls. I knew that they'd been having sex together since that first summer in high school, but it was exciting to hear him admit it to me. It was like we were back to being best friends again, and we could share our secrets with each other. The movie was a classic with Marilyn Chambers, and in the opening scene she gave an incredible blowjob to a well-hung stud. I knew why Steve had chosen this movie; Tracy looked very much like Marilyn Chambers. Steve started throwing comments out right away, like "Oh that looks good!" or "I love getting my cock sucked" and "Fuck I wish Tracy could deep-throat." I told him to shut up a couple of times, but his outbursts were adding to my arousal.
Steve was wearing jeans, and I couldn't see what was going on in his crotch, but I was wearing sweats (no underwear; laundry day) and hoped that my cock was shielded by my armrest. Just watching hot porn with another person got me boned up, and I regretted that it had been a few days since I'd whacked off as it only took a few minutes for my cock to start leaking precum through my sweats. Steve asked me if I wanted a beer, which I declined, and he got up to go to the kitchen. I saw him adjust himself through my peripheral vision, and rearranged my package while he was out of the room. We'd finished all my beers, so he brought me a can of iced tea which he placed right between my legs, almost crushing my balls in the process. It didn't really hurt, but used it as an excuse to hide my cock from view and I covered my crotch with my hands to hide my erection, groaning dramatically.
"If you don't want to drink it, you can use it on the swelling" he laughed as he returned to his chair.
This exchange broke some of the sexual tension that had built up in the room. It had been nearly 4 years since I'd seen Steve's cock and jerked him off, and I wasn't sure how this was going to play out. His joking relaxed me enough that I reached into my pants and made a very obvious display of checking my nuts.
"There are still two of them, but they're a bit swollen" I said seriously.
"Don't look at me" he shrugged.
It felt like neither of us wanted to be the first to instigate anything, but the movie was hot, I was hot, and it was my apartment, so I started rubbing myself through my trainers. Steve noticed, and eventually popped open the button on his jeans, and unzipped. He just left his hand there, not really doing anything with it, but my imagination kicked into high gear. I moved my hand under the waistband of my sweats, and started stroking my cock. As I was sitting on Steve's left my crotch was shielded by my forearm, so I pulled my pants down to my thighs with my left hand and started to jerk out in the open. Steve let out a sigh and I saw him raise his hips to slide his jeans down. His thick cock, which I remembered so well, flopped lazily out of his jockeys, and he started to slowly fist it up and down. I wanted to stare, but the mood didn't feel quite right, so I diverted my attention to the screen, trying to snatch glimpses of Steve's pumping from the corner of my eyes.
We jerked off separately, and mostly in silence for a good ten to fifteen minutes when Steve suddenly reached over to the coffee table and grabbed a couple of Kleenexes. He then held out the tissue in his left hand and slowly and quietly jerked off a pretty big load into his hand. I have to admit that I was disappointed. Being so close to Steve and jerking off together after such a long time had really worked me up, and I was hornier than ever.
I wanted to feel his erection in my hands again, and jerk each other off like we'd used to, but Steve's actions were so different from our high school days. He seemed so quiet, and modest about jacking off. Still, seeing his huge cock spewing a load so close to me, plus the excellent screen shots (was it "Behind the Green Door"?) made it easy for me to shoot a pretty big load. I copied Steve by grabbing some Kleenex from the table, only I remained standing next to the table, making sure that he could see as I pumped six or seven shots of hot jizz out of my dick. Even though I was watching the screen, I felt his eyes watching me unload, and it added to the intensity of my orgasm.
I thought Steve might loosen up a bit, now that we'd both cum, but he zipped himself up quickly and asked if he could use the shower. His actions told me that he was embarrassed or guilty about beating off together, but I didn't say anything, and went back to my room to study. Steve crashed on an air mattress I set up for him in the living room, and I heard him watching another porno before I turned off my light and went to sleep.
The next day I was out of the house before dawn to work at one of my jobs. I sorted laundry at the university gym, and had to have all of the varsity team uniforms sorted before their practices and games. It was the least favorite of my jobs, but gave me an excuse to work-out three to four times a week. That, plus the fact that I rode my mountain bike everywhere was the only reason I was still in shape. All of the weight training had added a few pounds to my shoulders and chest, but I still had the same waist size I had in high school. I worked from 6:45 until lunch time, and then grabbed a sandwich before heading to the library. I hated economics, but struggled through the study guide until I was pretty sure I'd do well on the exam. After a short break I reviewed my history notes until 4:00 before riding to another job, refereeing soft ball games for our university's rec league. I finally got home just after 10:00, and found Steve watching sports on tv.
He had kindly prepared some spaghetti which I hungrily ate, and we talked about each other's day. Steve had done well at his first physical trial. Out of about 20 recruits he was the only one who had completed the minimum run under the time limit set by the police board. He had another interview on Monday, and said it sounded good. I told him that I was ready for my exams, and that I only had to work a few hours on Sunday, so we agreed to hang out together. After 30 minutes or so of un-inspiring baseball I asked Steve if he wanted to watch another tape. He agreed with less enthusiasm than I'd expected, and we settled into our chairs. This film was apparently part of a series (Buttman, or something like that), and featured two latino studs with huge cocks and bodybuilder physiques picking up sluts in Rio and then filming each other fucking. The first 10 minutes or so were really lame, but things finally heated up with a girl-girl-guy scene that had a lot of close ups of blow-jobs and penetration. The amateur quality of the tape made it seem more real than typical porno's and I started to get into it.
Steve didn't show any expression at all, and looked like he could have been watching a documentary or something. I turned to him and asked him what was bothering him, but he snapped back "Nothing! Just shut up and watch the fucking movie." I grabbed the remote and, pausing the film, said "What's up?"
Steve had his jaw firmly set and didn't look at me directly as he said, "I didn't want to say anything about this, but I gotta know. Are you gay?"
I laughed a bit, but stopped when he didn't join me. He looked, in fact, like he was going to cry.
"Steve, I'm not gay. Why would you even say that? You helped set me up with Michelle!?" I said.
"Well, you don't have any problem whacking off together, and you're not seeing any girls, so..." he trailed off.
"Steve, if I had time to date girls do you think I'd be home tonight? And what's wrong with a little jerking off with friends? You didn't mind it a few years ago. Do you think it's gay to hose yourself with a broom handle? Just relax!" I stood up and prepared to go to my room, but Steve gestured me to wait.
"I could have stayed with Tracy's folks this weekend, but I've been thinking about something for a long time, and really wanted to get it off my chest. You're sure you're not gay or nothin'?" he asked again.
"I hope that it wouldn't matter if I were gay, Steve. You've been my best friend forever, and I'm really grateful for all the things we've done together, especially jerking off and stuff. I've never been close enough with anyone else to even think about doing anything like that, and I'll never get that chance again. But if you're uncomfortable just say so" I said.
"It's just...I don't know how to say what I'm thinking...You know that I'm straight, right? I mean I've been with Tracy for nearly 4 years, and that's it. It's just that when we watched porno's together in high school it was so fucking awesome jerking off together and..." he faltered.
"So you're worried about the idea that what we did in high school was gay?" I said.
"I don't know. I don't think so. It's just I've always wondered what would have happened between us if I didn't have to move. You know...how far we might have gone..."
"I don't know about you, but I when you moved away I was devastated! I don't know how things would have been different if you hadn't moved, but I loved watching you jack off, especially when you let me hose you with that broom handle..." I admitted.
"Do you ever think about some of the stuff we did together?" Steve asked.
"Yeah I think about it sometimes; how about you?" I asked.
"Me too. In fact most of the time I jerk off these days I'm thinking about that ass pumping you gave me!. I can't get Tracy to try anything unconventional...she even hates giving me head" he stated.
"So, are we still cool? And will you relax a bit?" I asked.
"Sure. I mean, really. Thanks." Steve replied. He looked like he'd just taken a big weight off his shoulders, but I was pretty tired from my long day at school and decided to take a shower. I told Steve to enjoy himself while using the universal jacking off gesture and tossing him the VCR remote, then I went into the bathroom. I was pretty grimy from the baseball refereeing, and it felt good to just stand under the hot jets of water, letting the collected dirt and tensions of the day run down by body and down the drain. My cock was semi-hard, a combination of the porn and the shower, so after I'd washed myself thoroughly I soaped up my cock and balls and started to slowly masturbate. Steve's conversation caused me to have flashbacks of our first tentative jerk-off sessions together, and the time I caught him jacking off over a mirror. I let my hand travel up and down my shaft as the image of Steve pumping his ass with the broom handle got me rock hard. Turning to divert the spray from the shower I moved my left hand back down my ass crack to start rubbing my own tingling hole. It was one of my favorite fantasies, watching as I shoved the broom handle in and out of Steve's tight ass, and then replaced it with my own hard cock. As I pictured myself easing into Steve's tight hole I slipped a finger into my own ass and started to wiggle it around.
"You'd better save some water for me" Steve said, coyly. I spun around from the bathroom tiles and there was Steve, stark naked, and sporting a huge and throbbing erection. He had slipped open the shower curtain so quietly I wasn't sure how long he'd been watching me, but his cock pulsed up and down a few times, as if to say "thanks for the show!" I didn't know what to say, and watched as Steve stepped into the shower and squeezed past me to step under the shower head. As he stood under the running water my cock was trapped against his hip, and he started gyrating into me. Now comfortably wet he turned to face me. We were standing inches apart, our cocks were rock hard and trapped between our bellies. My back was pressed into the shower tiles, and Steve braced his left hand over my shoulder before reaching down to pull our cocks together. I looked down slowly to watch as his thick cock with its fat mushroom head, sticking straight out from his narrow hips, started pressing into my pelvis. My cock sticks up straight when I'm erect, and Steve pulled it down so that my cock head was brushing against his wet pubes. He then gripped both of our shafts, pulling mine down to press against his warm and wet girth, and started gently jacking us off. Our inverted cocks pressed into each other's pelvic areas so that it looked like we were literally joined at the hip.
It felt incredible rubbing against Steve's shaft again. His body had filled out nicely, and I put a hand against his chest to steady myself, and felt the firmness of his pectorals, the hardness of his nipples. Taking my touch as some kind of signal, Steve slowly started to lower himself in the shower, my cock running from his abdomen all the way up his hairless chest until it bumped into his chin. Then, looking at me, and taking my cock in his hand again, Steve started to seriously jerk me off. Seeing him naked and wet and kneeling inches away from my swollen cock was too much. I leaned my head back in ecstasy as I felt my balls start to tingle and let out a few moans of warning to Steve. Just when I thought I was going to go over the edge our shitty water tank ran out of hot water and we both yelped when the icy pellets blasted our skin.
Steve kind of rolled over the edge of the bath tub, and I turned off the water with my foot before stepping out of the shower. We both laughed hysterically, our cock wagging back and forth as we hastily dried ourselves, mine leaving a nice trail of precum with each swipe of the terry cloth.
"That felt good." I said to Steve as we finished drying. "Do you want to watch the rest of that porno now?"
In answer he dropped his towel, took hold of my dick, and led me back to the living room. This time we flopped down on the air mattress, and sat right next to each other. Steve had switched tapes, and we started watching the Marilyn Chambers film again with the incredible blow-job scene. Instantly our hands went to each others cocks and we started to fondle and stroke each other in time to the scene on the tv.
"If the stuff in high school was okay, do you think its okay to continue experimenting?" he asked, looking at me with one raised eyebrow.
"Let's say that `anything that goes on between us stays between us...' I started.
"...'and anything that we're not comfortable with we can just say "no" to...'" he finished.
I agreed, and before I'd finished nodding Steve pushed me back on the mattress and lowered himself to my pulsing cock...
That's the end of this chapter. Sorry that it was a bit long-winded, but it covered over 4 years. I'll try to get the last couple of chapters ready shortly. In the meantime please send your comments to stevesjournal@hotmail.com .