Whoo-hoo!!!!
Beggging does get you somewhere. . . thanks everyone for all the response and neat letters!
I hope you enjoy this one and I'll send the next installment as soon as it' out. For those of you who don't know my writings, go read Rain. It's a short series, and it's being continued now, but on hold.
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE (I'm begging now) e-mail comments and suggestions to gking0300@aol.com or gking03@yahoo.com.
DISCLAIMER: This is a complete work of fiction and in no way should it be considered factual. Nothing should be assumed about the sexual orientation of those either in the Backstreet Boys or NSYNC, but we can always dream, can't we?
STILL EVERY TIME (2)
Kevin walked quickly out of the bathroom, his eyes red from the tears which ran freely. Spasming with pain again, Kevin burnt the angry image of Jason's eyes, the hurt, the dispair, the disbelief. "I'm sorry Jason, I'm, sorry," Kevin whispered to nobody as he pushed the back door open, freezing air blasting through him quickly. Closing the door quickly behind him, Keving shuffled through the small blanket of snow on the stairs as the flurries fluttered around him, landing on his eyelashes and hair. Still crying, Kevin collapsed on the second to the bottom stair with his back against the building. Sitting down on the ground, he hid his head in his hands, deep sobs wracking his body as he brought the images of Jason back up into his mind that had kept him going for so long.
Jason smiled up at Kevin from his place on the bed, his beautiful skin shining like gold. Jason had an elegant figure, toned from countless years of dancing and swimming. Kevin traced a hand gently down his lover's body, feeling the gentle tremors as a reaction. Jason felt his breath speed up, reaching his hand up to interlace fingers with Kevin. "Can we just go to sleep?"
Kevin looked down on the younger man fondly, the image of his smiling face and softly shining blue eyes burned into his memory. "Sure Jason," Kevin said pulling back the covers. Kevin slid into bed next to Justin, the warm air which had been trapped under the covers made him shiver.
"Hey, get your cold feet off my side of the bed," Jason whined as Kevin turned over.
Kevin wrapped his arms around Jason and pulled him closer, their lips touching gently. Kevin felt Jason's arms wrap themselves around his neck.
"You're not complaining now, are you?"
Jason shook his head and rested his forehead against Kevin's chest, feeling the calm, steady rhythm of his heartbeat. "Goodnight Kevin."
Kevin smiled down at Jason, resting his chin on Jason's head. "Goodnight Jason."
Kevin cried silently as the snow fell around him, unaware of the coldness which had slowly crept into his body. Looking at the sleeves of his sweater, he noticed the white flakes which caked it, giving him the odd appearance of an angel.
My angel
His thoughts turned yet again back to Jason, Kevin wandered around the building and into the deserted ally behind. Looking up, he could just see the sun shining duly inbetween the tall shadows of the looming skyscrapers. Kevin leaned his head back and let the freezing wind take him away. Finally, he collapsed in a corner of the ally, returning to sifting through the shattered memories of his life before.
JC rose from the floor, tears streaked down his cheeks. Thinking back on the most wonderful moment of his life cut short, JC shook his head and leaned back against the cold tile wall of the bathroom. Still feeling Kevin's presence, the taste lingering in his mouth and the smell still hanging in the air, JC bit his lip to ebb the flow of tears. Every time I'm within the grasp of something I want, even when I already have it, I always do something to screw everything up.
Pushing open the door, he left the bathroom, looking both ways for Kevin. Upon finding the hallway deserted, JC returned to the table, slipping into a chair quietly.
"Hey Josh, where were you?" Justin asked nudging his friend in the ribs.
JC started a little. "Just had to go to the bathroom, I needed some time to myself."
Justin frowned a little upon JC's answer. "You were gone for an awfully long time, what's up?"
JC sighed and felt his body tense a little. "Nothing Justin, don't worry."
Justin put his arm around JC's shoulder. "Hey bro, there's nothing I wouldn't tell you, now why won't you open up and tell me stuff too?"
"It's not that I can't open up or anything Justin, it's just that there are some things that are better just kept to yourself, you know?"
Justin got up slowly. "I know Josh, but whatever it is, it's already eating at you, I can tell. Even in a few days when you've driven yourself crazy, I'll still be here."
JC sat back and reflected on Justin's words.
AJ paced the floor outside Kevin's room impatiently. "Kevin, are you in there? Open up."
The door opened a crack and Kevin poked his head out. "Hey Alex, come on in."
AJ entered the hotel room and looked around. Clothes were piled randomly on surfaces, some draped across the bed, some on the floor. Trash lay scattered on the table and chairs, and empty pill bottles littered the floor of the bathroom, the door only opened a crack to reveal what was inside.
Kevin was always so neat, so organized, always insisting that everything be completely under control. Hell, his favorite quote was "a place for everything and everything in its place." AJ's mouth opened a little as he surveyed the room.
"Kevin, what happened in here?"
"Goddamn-it Aje, why can't I fucking let go sometimes? So I don't want to clean my room, what's it to you?" Kevin said suddenly, his eyes narrowed as his anger rose quickly.
AJ backed up slowly. "No Kev, no. It's just that you're always so neat and so completely under control, I was just a little surprised to see-."
"Oh, I see now," Kevin said sarcastically, his green eyes now shining a sickly yellow-green. "I'm the one who's always supposed to be under contro, I'm the one who's supposed to be the same every time. Well why can't I fucking not be completely predictable for once?"
Kevin leaned against the wall, pulling one hand over his eyes, wiping unshed tears away quickly. AJ saw the hurt and the betrayal shining through Kevin's harsh front, and knew something was wrong, terribly wrong with the usually quiet and serious man.
"Something is wrong Kevin, something is terribly wrong, why won't you tell me?"
Kevin's countenance shuddered a little bit, but he managed to hold his ground. "Alex, I suggest you leave now. For your own good and mine, it's time you go."
AJ shook his head firmly. "I know you Kevin, you need to let this out, you need to tell me."
Kevin suddenly crumbled, his eyes quickly betraying the fear that he had kept so secret. "I can't tell you AJ, I can't tell anybody."
AJ walked up to Kevin, taking his head in both his hands. "Kevin, I'm not going to get mad at you, I'm not going to change my view of you. We already went through this, now tell me what is going on with my best friend."
Kevin pulled away and went back to stand by the window, the dark red stains of dried blood streaking the sill and wallpaper.
AJ walked quietly over and placed his hands on Kevin's shoulders. "Hit it on the nightstand, huh?"
Kevin looked up, trembling. "You can't tell anybody AJ, you can't tell them, you wouldn't, would you?"
AJ looked down at the man on his knees, the scared little boy in Kevin suddenly coming through. AJ bent down and knelt next to the older man. "No Kevin, I wouldn't do that, I would never break your trust."
"It was a long time ago, time doesn't matter to me anymore," Kevin began quietly, his breath misting from the cold air radiating from the window.l "I met him and I knew he had to be mine. Jason was beautiful, perfect features, short-cut blond hair and a slender body. His eyes had a sparkle that caught me from the start. Once I met him, his personality drew me in even faster. I remember sitting in that caf^Â talking to him, the attraction between us was electric, I could almost see sparks jumping between us.
"You drink your coffee black?" Jason asked peering in Kevin's cup. "I can't do that."
Kevin smiled lightly as he stirred the coffee with a spoon, putting the paper down on the empty seat next to him. "Why are you so interested in my coffee all of a sudden?"
Jason looked back at Kevin, twin fogs of steam rising from their cups, the soothing music from the speakers pouring out into the room. "I'm interested in more than your coffee, if that's what your asking."
Kevin looked up and locked eyes with Jason, light blue meeting jade green. "Really?"
Jason nodded as he watched the apprehension creep into Kevin's eyes. "I hope your not bothered."
Keivn shifted awkwardly in his seat, the vision of the god in front of him blurred slightly as he became lightheaded. Jason had broad shoulders, not incredibly muscled, but lean. Moving down, Kevin watched the slender teen in front of him bring the coffee cup up to his face, taking a quick sip, the blood red lips parting slowly, the steam temporarily fogging his view. "I can't say I am," Kevin whispered so that Jason could barely hear him.
Attraction sparkled and crackled like live wires, and Kevin felt drawn to Jason completely, like an unseen magnetic force was pulling them toward each other. Jason intently watched the green eyes sparkle to life, energy appearing in them like a light had been turned on. "So do you want to talk about it?" Jason asked quietly.
Kevin reached under the table, gently tracing Jason's lef with his bare hand, feeling the thin material of Jason's pants beneath his fingertips. Jason shivered and pursed his lips, not loosing eye contact with Kevin.
"I'd like to do more than talk about it."
AJ watched silently as Kevin leaned back against the wall, completely caught up in his own reverie, thinking back on memories he obviously held with the utmost reverence.
"You kept this all to yourself, hid it from us, management, everyone?" AJ whispered quietly, his voice full of disbelief.
Keivn nodded slowly. "And there was the day Jason died."
AJ drew in a quick breath. "Kevin, you aren't serious."
Kevin nodded again.
Kevin paced the door in front of the hospital room, tight curtains drawn over the small windows. Looking at the clock, Kevin realized he had been up for eleven hours waiting to see Jason again. Finally sitting down in a chair, Kevin felt his muscles relaxing for the first time that day. The door to the room opened and Kevin sat up again, abruptly.
"Mr. Richardson?" the nurse who had come out looked over her clip board. "Mr. Dawson has been asking for you for the last hour, you may go in and see him now."
Keivn almost bolted to the door, quickly going in and shutting it behind him. "Jas?"
"Kevin, come sit down," Jason said quietly, his beautiful skin glowed softly in the hospital lamp's feeble glow. "Oh Kevin, I love you so much," he said, tears running down his face slowly. "I don't want to leave you."
Kevin quickly sat down next to Jason, holding his hand tightly. "No Jason, we'll never be seperated, we'll be together forever."
Jason looked up at Kevin, fear written deep into the twin sapphire pools. "Yes Kevin, I'll be with you forever, but not here on earth."
Kevin felt fear spread through his body like a white-hot lightning bolt. Gripping Jason's hand more tightly, he waited for the words he knew would come next.
"I'm dying Kevin, I'm going to die in the next hour."
Kevin nodded slowly, somehow taking the news calmly. "I'll be right here Jason, the whole time."
An hour and three minutes later, Jason's eyes closed gently, his muscles relaxed and the hand that had so tightly grasped Kevin's let go gently. Kevin put his head down on his lover's chest, feeling the deadly absence of the heartbeat he was so used to hearing. Gently moving up, Kevin placed his lips on Jason's forehead. "I'll always be with you Jason, we'll never be apart, ever."
AJ stared at Kevin, watching the tears freely flowing down the rugged face, almost always confident and sure. "Kevin, I'm so sorry," AJ said hugging Kevin closely. "I'm so sorry we weren't there to help, god, I'm sorry I wasn't there."
Kevin closed his eyes and felt a warmth come through his body quickly, feeling for the first time, the smoothness of the skin on AJ's arm rubbing the back of his neck. Looking up, Kevin's tear streaked face met his younger bandmates. "I need someone to take his place, I need someone now," Kevin said quietly. "I can't live without someone in my life AJ, I'm so used to Jason being there by my side."
AJ knew Kevin wasn't being rational, and it was his grief stricken sleep deprived mind speaking, but natural instincts took over. Pressing his lips firmly against Kevin's, AJ pushed the older man to the floor.
Through a fogged vision, Kevn vaguely felt a body pressing on top of his. Instintively, Kevin wrapped his arm around AJ's body, increasing the pressure of their bodies on each other. "I need somebody," he whispered softly as AJ's tounge began invading his mouth.
AJ pulled the sweater from Kevin's body carefully, watching as Kevin shivered from the lack of heat. Pulling it over Kevin's head, AJ tossed it onto the bed and resumed the liplock. Kevin moved his legs apart, feeling AJ's quickly hardening member meet with his own. Pushing up, his body stricken with desire, he felt AJ's warmth on his skin, and knew he needed more.
AJ felt oddly thrilled, the man he had looked up to, and lusted after for his whole life on the floor, his clothes off, asking, begging for more. AJ flicked his tounge out, bushing it slightly against Kevin's neck, inhaling the comforting smell of Kevin, listening to the deep moans and the increased rate of breathing. AJ unbuckled his pants quickly, while Keivn fumbled with his own. "I need you Alex, right now, more than I ever have before."
Somewhere across town in a different hotel, a restless man slept, images of Kevin running through his mind. JC moaned Kevin's name out in lustful agony as his sweaty body fought a battle with the sheets now tangled across the bed.
I know it was short, but I needed to get one out right away. It might be a little longer before the next one, but bear with me! WRITE ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! I'll love you forever!