From the previous chapter. . .
Everyone's forever starts somewhere and, although I didn't know it at the time, mine began when TJ (not PJ) Lundquist unfolded his 6'1" self from the cab of the truck. He wore bib overalls over a white tank and a Longhorns baseball cap on backwards to keep his pale blond hair out of his face. Tommy and Alejandro had come up behind me and were watching with raised eyebrows and open mouths.
"Madre de Dios," breathed Alejandro.
Tommy was more succinct. "Holy fuck."
Stonegate Stables
Chapter 4
You're my kind of crazy Full moon saying you know what I like How about it baby Let's you and I go out and get crazy tonight - My Kind Of Crazy - Brooks & Dunn
I couldn't speak at all. He was spectacular. If someone had asked me to draw my dream man, I wouldn't have drawn TJ because I wouldn't have been able to imagine all of the little things that made him so attractive to me. His eyes were the clear blue of a September afternoon, crinkled at the corners; set in that strong, tan face, they were heart stopping. He had a three day stubble thing going, the golden hair framing his full mouth and I could almost feel it tickling my neck. He was lean and hard, all sinewy muscle from wrestling uncooperative horses around all day. From his neck to his wrists, one curve melted into another, accentuated by a light sprinkle of soft golden hair. I couldn't see his legs but doubted they would be any less marvelous than the rest of him. He reminded me of an illustration of a Viking in an old book of Norse fables I'd had as a child.
He was looking down at his clipboard as he began to walk toward us. Little puffs of dust kicked up from his long strides and hung in the air. When he got near, he glanced up with the beginnings of a smile but when he met my gaze, he stopped in his tracks and the smile died from his mouth. The pit of my stomach knotted up so quickly that I put a hand on my gut. He stood there with his clipboard clutched in one hand, knuckles white, arm muscles tensed. It was one of those moments that you read about but think can't possibly happen in real life. In the movies, there's always violin music or trumpets. What I remember is lots of cursing as one of the new horses bucked and kicked at the end of his lead, happy to be out of the truck.
"I. uh.I'm." He stopped and swallowed. "I'm TJ Lundquist, the, uh, shoer," he finally got out, staring at me.
I stood there mute, rooted to the ground, until Tommy goosed me. "Ooh. Ah, yeah. Sean Flanagan, the barn manager. Hi." I managed to shuffle a couple steps forward and held out my hand. He stared at it for a second then laid his slowly into it, closing his fingers over mine in a gradually tightening grip that had me wincing in a few seconds. Farriers have strong hands.
He dropped my hand with a chagrined look. "Sorry." He glanced around the yard. "Where should I park?"
"Back up to the middle door. We'll use those cross ties." I waved a hand toward the barn door and he nodded and got back in his truck. The sight of those bibs tightening over his round ass as he lifted his leg into the truck had all three of us gulping for air. As he reached out to grab the door, I noticed the tuft of golden hair under his arm and my stomach went nuts gain, coiling around like a bag of snakes. I chased Tommy and Alejandro back to work and went off to get Queenie, unsuspecting horse shoer guinea pig. When I arrived with the mare, TJ had his truck opened up, his nail box out, and was buckling his heavy leather shoeing apron low around his hips. I closed my eyes and counted to 5, then turned the mare around in the cross tie stall where she switched her tail and eyed TJ almost as much as I had.
"She's pretty quiet but I'll hold her for you," I said as he walked around Queenie, talking softly to her and scratching her neck. You face the back of the horse a lot when you're shoeing so I had time to study TJ Lundquist and I liked everything I saw. He was good with the horse, quiet but firm, and he knew his job. And he had a great ass. As he rested his left hand on her rump, I noticed he was missing the little finger on that hand.
Cody came whistling around the corner and stopped dead when he caught sight of TJ leaning casually on Queenie. "Good Gawd Almighty, who are you?"
I jumped in before TJ could get his mouth open. "Cody Birdwell, TJ Lundquist, one of Danny's guys." TJ held out his hand. Cody stared at it for a long moment just like I had and I wondered how TJ got through a day. I suppose not every man he shook hands with was gay, but still. They shook, lingering a little. Cody was happily partnered with Wade, but even he wasn't immune to TJ's charm or pheromones or whatever the hell it was.
"The Lawton, Oklahoma Birdwells?" TJ asked, eyebrows raised.
"Yup. Ya maybe heard a my daddy. Rodeoed for a spell." That's like saying Hank Aaron played a little ball or Mozart wrote a few tunes.
"God, I grew up watching Davis Birdwell ride everything he threw a leg over. And you were 3rd in the cutting horse nationals in February, right?"
"Yup agin." Cody squinted at him. "Plannin' to win it next year. Getcha good seats if ya wanna go."
"Jesus, that'd be great. This the horse?" he asked, scratching Queenie's back. She curled her upper lip a little and pushed back into his hand, grunting.
"That's her. Do her right."
TJ chuckled. "Will do. Pleasure to meet you." Cody gave him another once over before he headed off to the south barn to get his reining horse.
Before he started on her front feet, TJ asked me to trot her out and back, and on the return, I glanced up to see if he wanted us to go again, but he was staring at my crotch and apparently hadn't seen a single step the horse had taken. I silently thanked whatever gods had made me put on my snuggest training tights this morning; it's always nice to know you're looking hot when you need to be. When he realized we were just standing there, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before asking me to trot her again. Finally I left him with Tommy on the lead and went off to ride a three year old filly that Amanda had purchased sight unseen from Spain a few months ago. She was a Fresian, big and black, and a joy to ride, although she was only 4. We worked on gait transitions for a while, then I handed the reins to one of the stable boys and went to take a leak.
I pushed the door open and there stood TJ with his dick in one hand pissing a hard stream into the urinal. Jesus Christ, what a sight. He'd undone the straps of his bibs which were hanging halfway down his thighs and had his other hand under his tank, running it over his chest and belly while he pissed, obviously enjoying himself. He was wearing a jock under the bibs and had pulled his dick out one side of the pouch. A trimmed golden triangle curled around the base of his penis, the tan cheeks of his ass were framed by the white straps of the jock and, once again, I was struck dumb.
I stood there staring at his cock long past what could have been shrugged off as natural male curiosity. He finished peeing, stroked himself a couple times, either for my benefit or just because it felt good, and was tucking it back into the jock before I managed to drag my eyes up to his amused gaze. He cocked an eyebrow at me as he hitched up the bib straps and slid by me out the door, brushing his crotch lightly along my arm on the way past. I closed my eyes and hung my head. Jesus Christ, Sean, get a grip. The guy was turning me into a moron. I pissed, gave it a couple strokes to make myself feel better and headed back to the barn where TJ was finishing up Amanda's last horse, a grumpy bay gelding.
"Get that grey mare," I told Tommy, taking the gelding's lead from him. He trotted off and I hazarded a glance at TJ but he was absorbed in the final rasping of a front foot. He set it down, narrowed his eyes at each hoof in turn and pronounced the gelding done. He glanced at me and blinked, expecting Tommy, I guess, and I gave him a casual smile, hoping to get by the men's room incident as quickly as possible. He held my gaze a moment, expressionless, then turned to watch the skinny grey mare come down the barn aisle. I swapped leads with Tommy and led the mare into the cross ties.
"She's thrushy in her off hind," I said. "I need you to trim her close so we can see how bad it is."
He nodded as he watched the mare cock that toe. "Sore."
"A little," I agreed.
He nodded again and went to work on her. When he had her trimmed, he waved me down so he could show me. Our knees bumped when I squatted next to him but I didn't move away. Let him if he wants, I thought, but he didn't. We decided that the mare wasn't too bad and he finished shoeing her. I gave her a tetanus shot and Tommy took her off to soak her foot in an antiseptic bath. I got called away to help load an uncooperative Arab and when I got back, TJ had packed up and all I could see of him was the dust trail his truck made as it went down the lane. I stared after him until the air cleared.
The following Saturday morning we had a dressage test at ShowPark, the local horse show venue and I stopped for a mocha on the way. Someone held the door as I reached it and I glanced up with a smile and a "Thanks" but it stuck in my throat when I saw TJ's grinning face. His pale blue polo and khakis were a far cry from the bibs and he looked even more gorgeous than he had at the barn. Today's hat was a summer fedora made of dark straw with a thin, pale blue band, a few shades lighter than his eyes. He looked absolutely edible.
He followed me in and we joined the line. After taking a long look at my tall black boots, white breeches, and shirt under the short black jacket, he met my eyes again. "Dressage? Thought you rode jumpers."
"I do, mostly. Today is a just test before the regionals and everybody rides. It's good experience. How'd you know I jumped?"
"Danny said." He stared into the pastry case for a moment, then turned back to me and bit his lower lip. From the expression on his face, I thought he might be about to declare his undying love but instead he said, "I'll be back out early Monday to check the grey mare." I nodded, we got our coffees and left, I to my dressage test and he to no telling what.
I got to the barn around 7 on Monday, just in time to watch TJ back into place by the middle doors. I was determined to act like a normal person this time and wandered casually over to his truck. As I opened the door for him, he handed me a to-go cup. "Grande mocha, one sugar, lots of whipped cream" he announced, grinning at me when my face registered my surprise. Not just good looking and hung like the proverbial horse, but kind and thoughtful, too? Could he get any better? I had to find out. I looked into those blue, blue eyes, putting a little heat in it, and the humor drained out of his face to be replaced with something that made my heart pound.
"Come over tonight," I said softly. "I need.I want to spend some time with you. Away from thrushy horses and without an audience." I cut my eyes at Tommy and Sam, smiling at us from the office door. He looked at me carefully, running his eyes over my face before nodding, got out of the truck and went to work. I enjoyed my mocha while he approved the grey mare's progress, and just before he left, I tucked a note with my cell # and address into his front bib pocket. He patted it with his damaged left hand and gave me a smile.
I called Maria with a few requests, then called Vincent and Dylan, who each had permanent security codes to my place, and told them I needed the house to myself tonight. With that accomplished, I zombied through the rest of the day, getting tossed on my ass by the Fresian filly while I was imagining TJ's shoulder under my hand rather than the filly's. But 5:30 eventually arrived and I loped out the gate on Zena, hot to get home. I showered quickly, jogged down the stairs, and puttered in the kitchen waiting for TJ who arrived around 7, freshly showered but still with the 3 day stubble. "How do you keep it just the right length?" I asked him, running a knuckle down his cheek.
He stayed silent, watching me, until my hand dropped off his chin. "Horse clippers. Set them for a close body clip and it comes out like this." I chuckled and pulled him through the door. He followed me to the kitchen and I poured wine for both of us, then led the winding way to the jungle pool with its hot tub tucked in one corner. Maria had laid out towels and placed candles here and there. I wandered around in the dusk lighting them with TJ at my side until we were back at the Jacuzzi.
Then things kind of ground to a halt. I'm not a bashful guy but I just couldn't relax with him. My palms were sweaty and I couldn't think of a goddamn thing to say that didn't sound idiotic. I turned away from him slightly, cursing this as a bad idea when I felt his big warm hand settle over the back of my neck, then slide down onto my chest. He spread his feet slightly, pulled me back against him and put his mouth to my ear.
"Thanks for having me over," he said softly. "I was gonna ask if you didn't." He hooked his hand up over my opposite shoulder and squeezed softly, holding me in a gentle headlock.
I draped a hand over his arm and we stood there quite a while, sipping our wine and watching the sun go down. His chest rose and fell in deep, even breaths behind me and I could feel the steady thud of his heart against my back. When it was almost dark, he turned to me and I felt his warm breath wash across my cheek. "Gonna feed me?"
"Shit, yes. Sorry." I reluctantly pulled free of his arm and stepped away from him to get some platters of cheese, crackers, fruit and cold chicken out of the fridge by the barbeque. I arranged them on the edge of the fire pit and he sat down close to me on a chaise lounge while we ate. At one point he plucked a grape and offered it to me, his hand a couple inches from my mouth so that I had to reach for it. I took the first knuckle of his finger as well and heard him suck in a quick breath as I tickled the tip of it with my tongue while it slid from my lips. Such a hokey move but sooo effective.
I guess that broke the ice cause the next thing I know, I'm on my back on the chaise and TJ is looming over me, braced on those beautiful golden arms, lowering his face to mine. Sweet Jesus, could he kiss. I've been kissed by a lot of men, a few women, a couple horses and the odd dog, but he was in a class by himself. Slow, deep, sincere. He kissed like he meant it. I've met people who hug that way. You come away from one of their hugs all warm inside with a silly smile on your face. After several minutes of learning every inch of my mouth, he pulled back slightly and looked at me. I lay there, slack jawed, eyes shut, totally undone.
I took a page from Tommy's book with a heartfelt, breathless, "Fuck."
He sort of choked and jumped to his feet. I opened my eyes and looked at him but he avoided my gaze and stripped off his clothes quickly, then pulled me to my feet and tugged my shirt off. If he looked good dressed, it was nothing compared to how he looked naked. He was golden all over except for his small dark nipples, pinkish brown cock and darker scrotum which hung full and inviting between his thighs. The only hair on his body was a light haze on his forearms and lower legs and a little ribbon trailing down from his belly button to the blond triangle I'd seen in the men's room at the barn. The rest of him was smooth and tan, a silken veneer over the hard planes of his chest and the tight muscles of his belly. Wow.
I finally roused myself enough to help and we eased into the hot bubbling water, settling thigh to thigh on a deep bench. He draped his arms out along the rim of the tub, his fingertips resting lightly on my shoulder. I gathered my wits about me, determined to stop acting like a love struck teenager. "What's TJ stand for?"
"Timothy James." His head was resting back against the edge of the hot tub and his eyes wandered over the night sky. "But that took too long to yell when my mom was pissed so it became TJ pretty quick."
We talked more easily after that and I learned that he was 27 and had grown up in Montana with an older brother and sister, leaving the one horse town of his birth the day after high school graduation. He'd ridden all his life and loved horses but needed to make a living so becoming a farrier seemed like the best option. After two years of school in Missouri, he'd been practicing for 6 years and had moved here a couple months ago. His brother had gone to college with Danny's sister and Danny had offered him a job when one of his other guys moved to California. He'd lost the finger when a horse had pinned it to the shoeing stand, crushing it beyond repair. As I told him about my career- ending accident, he pulled me a little closer, hearing the regret in my voice and I leaned into him, enjoying the solid comfort of his body.
When we were both pruney and sweating, I pulled him up out of the tub and shoved him into the pool, leaping in after him with a big splash. I came up sputtering with no TJ in sight and thought fuck, he can't swim and I've killed him. I was about to dive and look for him when he grabbed me around the waist from behind and shot us both up out of the water like dolphins. We crashed back into the pool and he rolled me around until we were face to face, my arms around his neck, his hands on my ass, both of us treading water just enough to stay afloat. He licked a drop of water off my nose, then closed his mouth over mine and almost drowned us both as we stopped kicking to concentrate on the kiss.
He paddled us to the steps where he rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him, belly to belly, holding my head with both hands so he could look me in the face. I flattened my hands against his chest, feeling his nipples harden into my palms and stared back into those beautiful blue eyes. Finally he spoke in a low voice. "I wanna be with you. Please take me to bed."
I smiled at him gently. "TJ, I asked you over here to get to know you better, not to jump you on the first date."
"I know. I want to." When I didn't reply immediately, a shadow crossed his face and he began to shift out from under me. "Forget it. Sorry."
I gripped his shoulders, holding him to me. "No, I want to. Jesus, you have no idea how I want to. I just.don't want you to think I expect it."
"I don't think that." He nuzzled his face into my neck. "Please."
Well, shit, I'm only human. We climbed out of the pool and I led him to the little cabana hidden under the waterfall. It's a special place, sort of a hideaway and only Vincent has ever shared it with me. We toweled each other dry which led to some of the most arousing foreplay I've ever experienced. We went slowly, both of us feeling whatever it was that had stopped him in his tracks and struck me mute the day we'd met. We kissed for a long time, standing by the side of the big bed, freshly made up by Maria that afternoon, running our hands over each other's bodies, learning the curves and valleys, memorizing the quick intakes of breath that signaled a sensitive spot. He had good hands, as I've said before, and he knew how to use their strength firmly but gently.
By the time he pushed me down onto the bed, neither of us was steady on our feet. He lowered himself onto me, letting most of his weight press me into the mattress from chest to thigh, supporting himself on his elbows so he could look me in the face. "Before we do this, I need you to know that I've only been with a few guys." He looked a little defiant at this admission but swallowed and continued on. "I mean, I know what to do but...shit." He buried his face in the curve of my neck and mumbled something else. Gone was the flirty man from the bathroom, rubbing his chest, pissing like a stallion, and the one who'd attacked me on the chaise. I was holding a shy, embarrassed kid and the change startled me.
I rubbed his back a moment, then tugged on his hair a little, trying to get him to lift his head. "TJ. It's ok. Talk to me. What else did you say?"
He raised his head and stared at me, his blues eyes dark, then said bleakly, "I said I've never fucked." I stared at him blankly for a moment, speechless yet again. It was becoming a bad habit.
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