DISCLAIMER
The following story is completely fictitious and any resemblances to persons living or dead are entirely coincidental. Just as in life, this story contains graphic scenes of love and hate, life and death, joy and sorrow, as well as material that may be offensive to some audiences. If such material makes you feel uncomfortable, then please read no further than this warning.
Send questions and comments to thatguywhowritesniftysmut@gmail.com
NOLAN - CHAPTER FOUR
It was pain; in his chest, in his head, in his throat, in his lungs. Pain was the first thing Nolan felt as his conscious mind was brought back to the realm of the living.
He was cold. Then he was retching. He felt his body being turned to the side as his stomach forcefully removed its contents from his system as he tried to cough at the same time. The entire process had the effect of taking his breath away again, but as he finished, he could hear himself gasp for breath as a series of new coughs began. With the taste of acid in his mouth and the pain expanding to his entire body in the form of a dull throb, he had but one thought on his mind.
"Dylan..." Nolan weakly said as he felt himself immediately embraced by a familiar warmth. Opening his eyes a bit, he could see Dylan kneeling above him. The hug hurt, but then again so did his entire body, so he didn't care.
"Hey buddy..." Dylan began, but before he could continue the pain and exhaustion overwhelmed Nolan and he slipped once more back into the grasp of darkness. While labored from the fluid still in his lungs, he was breathing. He was alive.
The next couple of days were hard for the Richardson family. After everything was said and done, Nolan had to spend the night in the hospital for observation, since complications could sometimes arise in drowning victims. After all the accounts had been taken, including Dylan's and the twins, it was clear Troy's negligence had been the primary cause of Nolan's near drowning. While Sam blamed himself for the entire event, Max vouched for his brother, being a clear witness to Nolan's sneeze which caused the prank to go horribly wrong.
Still, both twins were grounded until further notice, and neither one tried to fight the decision by the Richardsons. After coming home from the hospital, Nolan was once more quiet and withdrawn, even from Dylan. Dylan felt like shit. He had yelled at Nolan, even though he had been technically dead at the time. The feeling was still, however, nagging on his conscience.
"Nolan?" Dylan asked tentatively into the darkness of their room. Nolan hadn't said a word to him since he had woken up at the pool the first time.
Not surprisingly Dylan was answered with silence, but there was a slight shifting of the covers on Nolan's bed.
"I... I just wanted to say, I'm sorry, Nolan. I'm sorry that I yelled at you and that I called you a `little fuck' while you were... you know..." he let his thoughts trail.
He heard some more movement from under Nolan's covers, and then silence.
He was about to continue with his apology when he felt a warm hand softly touch his back and slide down to the covers. Moving the covers out of the way, Nolan slipped under them to join Dylan who had his back turned to Nolan's bed. As the younger boy eased into the bed and pulled the covers over them both, Dylan could feel his arms move over and under his sides and wrap around Dylan's front, holding the older boy close. He could feel Nolan's warmth radiate through every inch of bare skin that joined the two boys.
"Nolan?" Dylan asked.
"I'm... sorry..." Nolan said quietly, still obviously not having gotten his full voice back.
"Sorry? What do you have to be sorry to me for?" Dylan asked in disbelief.
"...not... being strong... enough..." Nolan began as Dylan could hear the tears forming in his words, "...not... being..."
Nolan couldn't say more, he just began to quietly sob into Dylan's bare back. Dylan moved himself until he was facing Nolan, and he could see the pain in the younger boy's eyes. For the first time, Nolan was showing Dylan just how scared he had really been. Dylan felt tears begin to well up in his eyes as the younger boy continued to shake in his embrace.
"Nolan, if you can't swim... I'll teach you." Dylan promised as he stroked the younger boy's cheek gently. "I will teach you so you never have to feel helpless again."
Dylan's words hit home as Nolan began openly crying into Dylan's chest, using his body to muffle the noise of his tears. At that moment, Dylan made a connection as to what Nolan's greatest fear was. It wasn't dying or getting hurt that had scared him, it had been being helpless. He had felt helpless and trapped, and for Nolan, for the nomad in him, that was probably the worst feeling he could ever have.
"Dyl...an...?" Nolan's words were carried through his sniffles and fading tears, somewhat muffled by Dylan's chest.
"Yeah, buddy?" Dylan answered, stroking the younger boy's back lovingly.
Dylan looked down as Nolan looked up into his eyes. As Nolan closed his eyes, his crying lessened and his lips moved towards Dylan. Dylan knew what Nolan wanted, what he needed, and Dylan didn't have the heart to deny him.
Dylan allowed the eleven-year-old to initiate the kiss, which slowly caused Nolan to seek a more comfortable position on top of Dylan. Dylan brought his hands down Nolan's back, rubbing his back soothingly with one hand as they continued to kiss.
"Nolan?" Dylan asked after a few more moments, finding the strength to part lips. "I love you."
Nolan smiled quietly into the darkness.
"Those boys sure do use a lot of lube." The old woman said as she riffled around in the condom basket, seeing what other supplies the center might need for the coming week. She added lube and dental dams to her mental check list.
Allan Shepherd lowered his book to give Grace Wild a contemptuous stare. The head of the youth center was an odd duck for sure. She was sixty years old or more, about four feet tall, and couldn't weigh more than eighty pounds soaking wet. Her mostly light black hair with a few rare streaks of grey and weathered features were offset by her bright pink overalls and flower printed long sleeve shirt which looked like she might have gotten the whole outfit at baby gap.
Allan loved her with all his heart.
"I think we have more lube in the back, I'll be sure to throw some in for tonight's drop-in, okay Grace?" Allan said, turning his attention back to his book.
He only had an hour break time between getting off work at the school and getting stuff ready for opening the doors of Haven at 6:30... that is if kids didn't show up early as they were sometimes known...
"Allan!" a cheerful call came from the front door.
Allan lowered his book and while he made a great effort to stare blankly and emotionless, he couldn't suppress the smile that gently swept across his face. He was very bad at pretending not to be happy to see his kids. As he expected, Aiden and crew were right on time.
The athletic youth made his way across the short distance with a few bounding steps, garnering a "no running" from Grace with little to no results. Allan's arms were already open to embrace the regular visitor to Haven. Aiden was one of Allan's special kids, one he truly loved with all his heart. He was a FTM transgender, and while his real name was Riley, he liked to be called Aiden. He was a little shorter than Allan, at about 5'5" and probably weighed a buck ten, but he was strong and had no problem standing up to people bigger than himself.
"Whatcha get me?" he asked with an innocent toothy grin towards the older facilitator.
"Totally Joe." Allan replied, holding up the book he had been momentarily reading. Since Aiden had just turned fifteen, Allan had promised to get him a present. The child could barely put down a book once he started reading and Totally Joe had been a good read for Allan. He just wanted to pass it along to him and he knew he would enjoy it.
"Sweet. Hugs!" he exclaimed as he gave Allan another big hug before swiping the book and running towards the couches to get comfortable.
"Great... another book she is going to tell me all about before I get a chance to read it..." came the chiding voice of Aiden's older sister, Mia.
While only a year separated the two siblings, they looked to be just about the same age, even though that is where the similarities stopped. While Aiden had naturally blonde hair he kept short and deep amber eyes, Mia had long flowing dark black hair and crystal blue eyes. Different dads will do that, Allan supposed to himself, as he smiled to accept another hug.
"Well, maybe he will leave out the good parts this time." Allan comforted as he noticed Mia had her sketchbook with her today. "Working on anything interesting?" he asked.
"Eh, mostly just practicing I guess. I've been working on one of Austin for a while, but I just can't really settle on a few things." She replied.
With an empathetic nod, Allan comforted her with a brief shoulder rub before allowing her to move along towards the main area of the center. While not as large as some youth centers, it had some modest space. Anyone entering the main entryway was greeted by the small offices of the more financially minded staff members who saw to it that the youth center received adequate funding for its various projects, and to provide a small stipend for its facilitators. The entry gave way to the living room style open space in the middle of the center, a few couches surrounding a large projector screen where movies could be viewed on special nights, and where most of the serious conversations took place.
Just past were a few tables set up for games or just hanging out, where a modest food offering would be placed to help some of the kids who didn't get a regular meal in. Occasionally, Allan would take a youth who looked undernourished and pop over to the sub shop across the street, since the fare served at Haven was hardly enough for a growing child. Along the same area as the tables, tucked away into a cubby in the wall, four computers served as the center's media center and connection to the outside world. While certain rules were observed, the kids were free to check out predetermined sites, usually to check their mail or see the latest music videos by their favorite artists.
Just beyond the archway next to the computers was the newly remodeled kitchen. After receiving a grant from the city, Haven had used the funds to install new cabinets, a dishwasher, a new sink, some extra storage shelves, as well as a new oven and refrigerator. A lone pop machine provided the only access to caffeine in the entire building at sixty cents a can. At the previous drop-in a misguided effort on behalf of one of the teens to brew a pot of coffee had ended poorly. The result was Grace banning coffee making until the appliance could be replaced, and the kids could show they could be more responsible.
Beyond the kitchen rested the bathroom, with relatively new fixtures and a brand-new lock on the door, to avoid anyone accidently walking in. Past the bathroom was the back area with a room set up for videogames, mostly rock band, as well as a supply room which was off limits to the youth. At the very end of the long hallway that connected both back rooms was access to the garage for the two apartments above Haven. One of the apartments served as extra offices for the center as well as its associated agencies, while the second apartment served as Allan's home.
Part of his "conscription" into Grace's army of volunteers was that he help run the youth drop-ins, and in return she would provide him with a place to live. All in all, a fare deal he had thought, until he realized just how much work went into running this place, especially when you become as emotionally involved as he does.
"Sign in." Allan called out, having just printed out a new sign in sheet for the kids. A staple of any youth center that expects to get any grants, the form was a series of letters and numbers, each series corresponding to a youth they had on file. They used the code system to track numbers and distributions for grant purposes, while maintaining confidentiality for the kids. Just by looking at someone's code, they would not be able to tell who was who. This way someone couldn't say, `oh I see Joseph Smoe goes to Haven, he must be gay.'
As per usual, Aiden took the initiative and grabbed the sign in sheet and began marking off people who were already here. He had a knack for remembering whose code was whose. Allan had honestly just thought he crossed off random lines, one for each person, until he realized he was getting each and every one of them right. Good kid.
"Umm... Mr. Shepherd?" a familiar voice caught Allan off guard, as he turned around to greet a new face to Haven.
"Ah, Dylan. I thought I might see you down here sometime soon. Find it okay?" Allan asked warmly. While not the best student he had, Allan knew Dylan was one of the most dedicated. If he had anything to say about the kid, it was that he applied himself.
"Yeah, found it alright..." Dylan trailed off as he took in the new sights of the center, as well as seemed to scope out who was here. Not recognizing anyone from his school, he seemed to relax a little bit.
"Well, that's good. First, though, before you go off exploring and the whatnot, I need you to fill something out. It will just take a moment and it will sort of let you know a bit more about this place, and also what we do here." Allan continued as he offered Dylan a seat at the desk while he got a couple papers and a pen out.
Pushing the two pieces of paper towards the somewhat disorientated teen, Dylan could see that one page was a list of rules and regulations with a place for him to sign at the bottom, while the other sheet was more like an application with places for his name, birth date, school, and gender. He paused for a moment. There were three genders listed; male, female, and transgendered.
"Umm, Mr. Shepherd?" Dylan began to ask before he was interrupted.
"Down here you can call me Allan, since most of the kids do anyway. If you start calling me Mr. Shepherd we both are going to get poked fun at."
"Okay... Allan?" Dylan asked.
"Yes, Dylan?"
"Transgendered?" he simply asked pointing to the sheet in front of him.
"Maybe I should start from the beginning?" Allan replied, taking a deep breath to begin his long rehearsed monologue. "This is Haven, a place for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals, and their straight allies to find support and fellowship. Tonight is the 13-19 year old youth drop-in, which meets every Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday from 6:30pm to 9:30pm. Before you is a listing of our rules, which I will explain as follows: no fighting, no drugs, no alcohol, no putdown language, no name calling, no fighting with/over drugs and/or alcohol while name calling with putdown language, and no sex in or around the building. If you feel the need to break any of these rules, please, take it in front of the sub shop across the street."
Dylan just stared completely lost at his English teacher, wondering if this was indeed the same man who was so serious and professional at school.
"Any questions?" Allan asked, ignoring the youths stare.
"A..."
"Well, good than. All you have to do is fill out this page, and then sign down here to note that the rules have been explained to you and you promise to abide by them. After you do that, we will generate a code that will go on our normal sign in sheet. That way, when you come back all you have to do is cross off your code and you won't have to listen to this rambling rant ever again. Unless you are into that."
Slowly picking up the pen and not making any sudden movement, Dylan filled out the information and signed the bottom of the paper. All he could think of was what had he gotten himself into.
Like most first timers, Dylan was a little lost to begin with. As more and more kids began showing up, they began to separate into groups. Everybody seemed to know each other, and Dylan didn't see a single person that he knew from his school, which was kind of a relief. Going to a private school, let alone a private Catholic school, Dylan doubted anyone would expect to see him here.
There was a girl sitting on one of the couches with a sketchbook, who seemed to be glancing across to the couch on the other side from time to time, slowly working on something. As Dylan made his way around the couch to get a better look at what she was working on, he finally saw the object of her focus was a pair of boys about his age. He hadn't seen them come in, but one looked familiar, like he had seen him around before. The pair looked, for lack of a better word, angelic together; the dark haired boy lying on his back, while the slightly smaller brown haired boy rested on top of him. The smaller boy seemed to be sleeping with a content smile on his lips, while the dark haired boy gently stroked his hair while looking down at him with an equally content smile.
Looking down at the sketchbook, Dylan could see that the girl had captured the moment quite beautifully. It seemed to have been done with just pencil, but to Dylan it seemed like a work of art.
"You're really good." Dylan said softly, not wanting to disturb the artist or her muses.
"Thanks." The girl said turning around a bit to look up at Dylan. "I haven't seen you here before, first time?"
"Yeah, my mom thought it would be good for me to come down and talk with Mr. Shep... Allan about some stuff." Dylan caught himself.
"You know Allan?" she asked, seeming to be genuinely interested.
"Yeah... he is sort of my English teacher... and my homeroom advisor." Dylan admitted.
"So you go to Ascension High? We don't get many people from there down here that is for sure." She commented.
"Yeah, haven't seen anyone I know here yet. Doubt I will, honestly."
"Might not be a bad thing." Mia admitted, "Sometimes people just don't understand."
"Understand? Understand what?" Dylan asked a little confused.
"Well," Mia began, "This for example."
She held up her sketch.
"I guess you're right." Dylan said simply.
"So, what's your story?" Mia asked, motioning for him to join her on the couch.
Moving over around the side of the couch, Dylan could see another boy curled up on the couch that separated Mia's couch and the couch with the two boys on it. He seemed to be reading a book and Dylan couldn't help but think he was awfully cute. Mia noticed his glance.
"That is my sister Riley." She commented.
"Aiden." Came a correction from the boy on the couch.
"Sorry, my sister, Aiden." She amended, "I'm Mia."
"Dylan." He introduced himself, "Nice to meet you."
"So, Dylan, what brings you to Haven?" Mia asked politely.
"Well, umm... actually... my... well..." Dylan paused as he collected his thoughts and began again, "My parents are actually my foster parents, but they adopted me, and we just took in this boy, Nolan, who I really lo..ike... and he sort of has some questions about stuff I don't really know right now. Allan was going to help me sort some stuff out... but... I'm a little nervous to ask him about some stuff."
"Ah, I see." Mia said, "Like what kind of stuff? Maybe we can help."
"Well, for starters, he wants to know how sex works... like, between two guys..." Dylan admitted with a blush.
"Easy, you just grip the pillow and relax." The dark haired boy on the other couch chimed in.
Dylan, Mia, Aiden, and even the boy lying on top of him all looked up to give the dark haired boy a disbelieving stare.
"What?" he asked defensively, "Ah, fuck all you."
The boy on his chest just giggled and nuzzled closer to his boyfriend.
"Thank you, Sammy; very nicely done." Mia congratulated, "You are going to freak out the new kid."
"No one can take a joke, jeez." Sammy threw back, "Besides, if he wants to know so badly, why doesn't this boy come down himself and ask?"
"Umm... he is sort of too young to be down here..." Dylan sheepishly admitted. "He is sort of eleven."
"My good sir, you have our full and undivided attention." Aiden said as he let his book rest on his chest.
Dylan broke down and finally admitted the whole truth of the matter to the four strangers. He told them about Nolan, their friendship and feelings for one another, as well as Nolan kissing him. He also went on to explain how Nolan would be starting high school soon and about his near drowning at the pool.
"Whoa, wait... that was you?" Aiden asked with awe in his voice. "I heard about that, and the kid that nearly died was your Nolan?"
"Yeah." Dylan admitted meekly. "It shouldn't have happened in the first place, if a good lifeguard had been on duty..."
"Still, you saved his life." Aiden replied, "And that is something."
A beeping from a phone alarm went off as Sammy let out a sigh and the smaller boy reached into his pocket to pull out his cell.
"Well, that's us." The boy sweetly said as he leaned up to give Sammy a peck on the cheek.
As the two collected themselves and made as to leave, Dylan was a bit heartbroken to see the two boys be separated, as if lying together was their natural form. The smaller boy grabbed an old army jacket many sizes too large for him and put it on. The image it presented was comical, but Sammy provided a tender moment as he adjusted the overly sized garment on the boy he loved.
"See you guys next time?" Mia asked.
"Yeah, we should." The younger boy replied.
"Have a good walk home you two, and Kendal, if Sammy tries anything, just hit him in the sweet spot." Aiden encouraged.
Kendal laughed as he took Sammy's hand into his own and they walked to the door. Before leaving, Sammy yelled for Mia to give Dylan his number, just in case he had any technical questions. When he thought Kendal might get mad that his boyfriend was saying something like that to another boy, Kendal just giggled and told Dylan that `Sammy would know.'
Mia gave a long sigh after the door closed on both boys.
"There goes the Romeo and Juliette of Haven."
Mia gave Dylan Sammy's number, as well as her and her sister's just in case. After a moment's consideration, they also gave Dylan Allan's number, because he was one of the main contacts for Haven and didn't know if he was in his cell yet. Almost all the kids that came had Allan's number.
"And as far as technical stuff goes..." Aiden began as he slowly got himself off the couch, "we might have something in the library to help."
He took Dylan over to the wall behind the couch where he just noticed the shelves that seemed to overflow with books. Searching through some of the lower shelves, Aiden finally came up with a book all about gay sex. After helping him check it out with Allan, who gave him a wary eye, he had him put it in his pocket.
"Now, you have a reason to come back and see us." He said cheerfully.
Nolan dutifully dialed in the numbers as Dylan gave him Mia, Aiden, and Allan's numbers. As he began typing in Allan's name into his cell phone's directory, he paused a bit.
"Dylan?" Nolan asked, "Should I put Allan in as Allan or Mr. Shepherd? He is going to be my teacher too."
"Well," Dylan replied, "How many Allan's do you know whose number you have?"
"I only know the one, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?"
"Something tells me you are going to be fine, buddy." Dylan said with a chuckle.
As Nolan finished spelling Allan's name into his phone, he selected the save option and a familiar tone signaled success. After closing his phone and storing it on his dresser, he moved over to Dylan bed to snuggle in with him and see the book he had picked up from the center.
"How come I can't just go to Haven?" Nolan asked a little disappointed that he hadn't been able to go and meet all the new people Dylan had. He seemed to have gotten over his withdrawn stage and with Dylan's help had started to learn the basics of swimming.
"I told you. You are too young right now. You have to be thirteen to go there." Dylan comforted, as he continued reading about various interesting positions.
"So? That is like a year away. Why can't we just lie and say I am thirteen already? No one will know..."
"Umm... hey, genius," Dylan kidded, "Allan is a facilitator there and he also happens to know for a fact that you are not thirteen... and what do you mean a year away?"
"Well... my birthday is in a couple weeks, so I will be twelve then. So it will be just a year after that I could start going to Haven, but why do I have to wait that long?" Nolan pleaded with adorable puppy-dog eyes.
"Whoa, wait. You're b-day is in like a couple weeks?" Dylan asked confounded that no one had told him.
"Yeah, it's not a big deal." Nolan replied a little concerned at Dylan's reaction.
"Not a big deal? It's your birth day; the day which celebrates the moment of you entering into the world for the first time. It is so a very big deal. We are going to have to have a party, a good one too." Dylan began making plans in his head.
"If you say so, Dylan... knock yourself out." Was all Nolan said as he laughed to himself.
"You feeling okay?" Dylan asked a little concerned at Nolan's rather odd behavior as of late.
"I feel fine." Nolan said simply, "I guess I've just been feeling a little more... free. Like a huge weight has been lifted off of my body and I am as light as a feather, like I could do anything. I think it is thanks to you. I don't feel afraid anymore, not after... well... you know."
Dylan just nodded. After he and Nolan had talked that night, the kid had been more perky and happy-go-lucky. Dylan was certainly glad Nolan was feeling better and becoming more outgoing, but it almost seemed like it was too quick of a change for it to be good or natural. Dylan decided he was going to keep a closer eye on Nolan, just in case there was something else going on that he wasn't seeing. He honestly hoped that everything was fine with his little buddy.
He was brought out of his thoughts with a gentle kiss on the lips.
"You know, you think way too much, Dylan." Nolan smiled.
"Well, when it comes to you, I could spend all day thinking about... all sorts of fun things." Dylan retorted as he returned the kiss with his own.