The following is a combination of fact and fiction based on events as I remember them. Names and locations have been altered for the purposes of anonymity and to protect the guilty. The story contains sexual scenes between consenting adult Males. If material of this nature offends you, you're under 18, or a religious moralist you likes to be censored from the realities of life and the diversities of the human condition, you should not read this story. You can pray for my soul instead.
The story of Us. Part 3.
A blood-orange sun hung large and pendent over the horizon, shimmering in the warm evening air. It languished briefly above the skyline before descending to greet the Ocean and gradually dissolved into its watery grave. Its final death throes, threw fourth a burst of life, a kaleidoscope of colour that spread out across the bay to illuminate the coastline in soft hues of orange, red and pale yellow.
I stood watching this awesome display of natural beauty from the balcony of John's apartment. I was dressed in his over-sized toweling robe. It hung open and loose on my compact frame, exposing my lower legs and part of my upper body to the rapidly cooling air. With one hand I griped the handrail of the balcony, gripped it so tightly it turned my knuckles white. My other hand clutched the neck of a whisky bottle, the amber liquid swirled and danced in the fading light, changing from amber to fiery red each time I brought it to my cracked lips. Hot silent tears stung my eyes as I watched the last rays of a dying sun illuminate the few stragglers making their way along the beach towards hotels and apartments or to the bars and restaurants that lined the waterfront.
Taking a deep breath, I staggered away from the handrail and turned, with feeling of dread, to the now darkening apartment. I paused on the threshold to regain my balance and to place the whisky bottle on a small table before making my way into the fetid rooms beyond. I stumbled towards the bedroom, pausing again to take another deep breath before pushing the door open with my foot, it swung silently on its hinges and stopped, with a soft thud, when it hit the bedroom wall. I switched on the light.
John was still there, lying naked and exposed on the bed. His lifeless blue eyes stared accusingly as I walked around him to retrieve the revolver that lay on the bedside table. I tried to keep my eyes on the gun but they seemed to take on a life of their own, traversing the length of the body, from its pallid face, bloated stomach, right down to the shriveled penis and the vast thatch of unkempt pubic hair. A small trickle of blood had run from the nose to mix and solidify with the pure white powder on the upper lip. I watched with a mixture of awe and revulsion, as a Bluebottle, big, black and buzzing, landed on his cheek before entering the gaping mouth.
Fighting a violent urge to vomit, I raced back to the balcony to take in large gulps of warm insipid air. I felt nauseous, frantic and utterly alone. Snatching up the whisky bottle, I choked back the last dregs of fiery liquid and in one swift motion cast the empty bottle over the parapet were it flew to shatter like gun-fire on the concrete far below. There was a distant scream as people leapt in confusion, but I was oblivious to their excitement, for as soon as the bottle left my hand, I raised the gun, placed it at my temple and pulled the trigger.
And now I too was flying, flying into an explosive world of psychedelic colour, a fleeting rainbow of brilliance that burst upon me like a million blossoms to set me free, free at last, free to laugh and drift on warm currents of air, until suddenly, the colours converged and then shattered to reveal a malevolent darkness beneath, a rich velvety darkness that threatened to engulfed me and drag me down into the void forever. My laughter quickly turned to terror as I fought the sensation of falling; falling, falling and waiting for an impact that never came. I could hear the loud pounding of my heart, could feel it hammer against my ribcage like a trapped bird screaming for release. I expected at any moment, it would burst from its bony confines, and like some grotesque alien creature, it too would fly, fly dripping red-wild and free upon the world. I could feel a sound building deep within my throat, a pure sound of primeval terror that built to a crescendo to resonate around the confines of my skull as I snapped awake to found myself lying in the ghostly arms of a bloated man with a shriveled penis and a vast thatch of unkempt pubic hair who whispered "I love you".
I leapt up in bed, breathless dazed and confused. My head was pounding, I was drenched in sweat. I looked around in panic, until I realised where I was, and the waves of relief that flooded my body made me laugh aloud in a nervous outburst of release. I wiped away the perspiration from my brow and with a deep sigh, gradually lay back down. "Jesus, it was just a fucking dream". Shuddering at the memory, I suppressed the urge to laugh again least I wake John. I leaned over, to get a closer look at him, he was breathing deeply, sound asleep, I considered checking his pulse but figured it might be taking things a little too far.
The bedside clock read 6:28 as I slid quietly out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom. Using my finger, I ran some toothpaste across my teeth as I waited for my morning woody to subside before taking a pee. I turned on the shower, adjusted the temperature, and stepped under the running water. It felt wonderfully warm and soothing against my skin. I stood there, letting it cascade down my body, as the last remnants of the nightmare seemed to dissipate and dissolve in the clear warm water.
I stepped out and dried quickly against the early morning chill. Wrapping a towel around my waist I returned to the bedroom to dress. My clothes lay crumpled and scattered throughout the apartment, where I'd discarded them the day before. I quickly put them on and went into the kitchen to make coffee.
Taking a steaming cup, I returned to the bedroom to stand at the foot of the bed. I watched John's smooth, muscular chest rise and fall as he slept, the sunlight from the window, highlighted his blond hair giving him a sweet, almost angelic look. I smiled at the memory of the day before and at my surprise on seeing him that morning.
When he'd turned around to face me, I'd stood motionless, unable to move. I couldn't speak, I was so shocked, completely dumbfounded, all I could do, as I looked up into the face of Adonis, was grin like a simpleton. He looked magnificent in faded cutoffs, white T-shirt and red baseball cap. He had fantastic, tanned muscular legs that were covered in a soft dusting of wispy blond hairs.
"Hello Mike! I bet you're surprised to see me?" he said, smiling.
"Yeah, hello John, how...how did you know where I lived?"
"Well, I was in the area and I remembered you told me the street name, so I did a bit of detective work, this is the fifth house I've called to this morning and well, here I am, you don't mind do you, me calling unannounced? he said, looking a little uncertain.
"No, no, I don't mind...I'm glad you called, uuhh, to be honest, I'd forgotten all about our arrangement...sorry, I completely forgot, I replied, with a measure of guilt.
"Wow Mike! I must have made a good impression," he said meekly.
"No, No! it's not that, things have, I've been...uuhh...can we go somewhere? lets go get something to eat, somewhere we can talk..."
"Okay Mike, I know a great place along the coast, they do breakfast till noon."
"Great, sounds good, it's a bit nippy so let me grab a sweater and I'll be with ja in a sec"
I ran back to my bedroom, Pramath wasn't there, I put on a pair of trainers and took a sweater from my suitcase before heading into the kitchen. Pramath was sitting at the table eating cereal. He gave me an inquisitive look.
"Who's that guy Mike, what did he want?" I said nothing, just went to the fridge to pour a glass of OJ.
"Well?" he asked, impatient for a response.
"Just a friend," I replied.
"But you said you didn't know anyone here," he said, with a confused look.
"I was wrong...listen Prem, tell Sean I've gone out, I should be back later, but if not, I'll be back tomorrow."
"What are you talking about Mike? who is that guy," he replied with some concern.
"Just a guy, a guy I met at the airport...I...."
He stood up in surprise and approached me.
"And you're going off with him, just like that, are you mad? you don't even know him...he could...."
"Pramath, I didn't know you three days ago and that turned out okay...well, I mean..."
"...That's different, I'm almost a relative...he's just some fucking stranger...a...a stranger you picked up at the airport," he hissed.
"Yeah, whatever, look, I don't have time for this." I drained the last of my OJ before placing the empty glass in the sink. I looked out the window at John sitting by the pool and my heart skipped a beat.
"Look at him Pramath, look at him waiting for me. I gotta go, I'll see yeah later, have fun, goodbye!"
I headed for the door but he grabbed my arm, spinning me round and pushed me hard against the wall as he hissed in my face,
"you're not going to sleep with that guy are you?"
He was angry, all hate and venom. A tiny spray of spittle landed on my chin as he continued spitefully, almost to the point of hysteria,
"you, you, you've just slept with me an' now...an' now you're going off to sleep with this, this guy, this, this stranger."
"It's none of you damn business Pramath," I could feel my own anger threatening to explode.
"It is my business Mike, I'm making if my fucking business, you can't just..."
"look Pramath, I don't give a fuck what you think, not interested, now get out of my way."
I'll, I'll tell Sean." He said, through gritted teeth.
"Tell Sean what! You gonna tell `em everything?" I said, with a derisive grin.
"Yes Mike, if I have too, I will."
Instantly, my anger rose within me like a depraved monster out of control, I grabbed his neck as I simultaneously twisted his arm behind his back, pounding his face into the wall before holding it against the tiles. He cried out in pain, whimpering like a dog but I was oblivious to his distress.
"Listen macho man, you, you fucking user, you can tell Sean what you like, I'm sure your wife will love the details. It's none of your god-damn business what I do!...or who I sleep with, you, you piece of shit! And what we did, as you were so keen to point out, was sex, just sex, nothing more!" I said, matching his venom.
"Please Mike! Jesus, you're hurting me, you're breaking my arm," he pleaded.
I ignored him as I continued, shaking with anger,
"Don't read anything more into it or you'll get hurt, remember!" I said mockingly. "If I want to sleep with this guy, I will, I like him, he's real and I bet he could kiss his way into the Guinness Book of Records, you selfish bastard."
I hissed in triumph, kicking his legs from under him and he crashed to the floor. I walked out, leaving him in a heap, gasping for breath and dumbfounded.
Later, as myself and John drove along the coast, I felt a deep sense of remorse. I liked Pramath, I really did, and while I freely admit, I enjoyed sleeping with him, I couldn't shake the feeling I'd been used. That it hadn't been the same for him as it had been for me. The realisation was deeply painful. I was probably nothing more than a convenient alternative to his right hand. It made my feel morose and a little defiled. Still, I hated to lose my temper and to allow myself to become so violent. It left me feeling drained and despondent.
As we continued along the coast, I felt another twinge of guilt but managed to shrug it off as I turned to smile at John, my redeemer.
"Why are you smiling?" he asked, curiously.
"Nothin', I'm just happy, that's all".
"You don't sound happy Mike, anything wrong?"
"Nothin', I'm fine, I am happy," I said, with as much conviction as I could muster.
"Why, why are you happy Mike?"
"Well. I'm on holiday, I don't have to work or study, the sun is shining and I'm...I'm with a nice guy, in a nice car, going for a nice breakfast," I said, laughing.
"So I'm a nice guy, am I", he replied, "so why didn't yeh call me yesterday? I was lookin' forward to our meeting. I waited all day for your call and was really disappointed when I didn't hear form you," he said, in a slightly whiny voice that I didn't find very appealing.
I started to apologise, "I'm sorry John, I'm..." but he interrupted before I could finish.
"It only takes a couple of minutes to pick up a phone...."
"I know...I know, it's complicated...I...I...look, I could give you a bullshit excuse but I wanna be honest...I...".
"Okay...I'm listening", he said as we pulled into the restaurant car-park. He parked the car, turned off the engine, and turned to face me. I looked at him as I searched for the appropriate words,
"Well...er...you know the guy who let you in this morning?"
"Yeah, the gardener?"
"What? The gardener! John, he wasn't the gardener, why ja think that, he's my sister-in-laws brother".
"Sorry, he opened the gate in only a pair of shorts and er...you know...er...well he's dark and that's a white...er...I guess I just presumed he was the gardener, sorry".
"John, have I got this right? you presume a guy must be a gardener because he's wearin' shorts and has dark skin? What part of America did you say you were from?, I asked sarcastically.
"Sorry Mike, look, I didn't mean to offend, it's just, well, that part of town is usually reserved for whites, so I just presumed...look it's not a problem, so what about him, the guy who...who let me in?"
"Well...em...we...we kinda...you know...we..."
"You had sex with him!?, oh my god, you slept with him?" he said, raising his eyebrows.
""It just kinda happened...I didn't plan it or anything...I mean I hoped..."
"It's okay, you don't have to explain."
We sat in silence for several moments, I wasn't sure how to proceed. John looked at me, then out through the windscreen, then back at me again before laughing.
"Oh my god....you did it with, with an Indian!".
"Yeah, I did it with...Christ John! are you racist! I think that's so fucked-up...to be...er...maybe this was a mistake...not such a good idea...I..."
"Whoa! Slow down partner, I'm no racist. I'm just a little surprised, that's all. Look Mike, I like you...I have since I meet you at the airport. Your all I've thought about since then but I don't know you, and you don't know me, so please don't jump to conclusion before we've gotten to know each other better, okay!, I'm not a racist!"
"Sorry, you're right, you're right, I tend to shoot my mouth off without thinking but in my limited experience, what someone insists there not racist, or sexist or whatever, well, they usually are. And I like Pramath, THE GARDENER!, I said smiling, "and I thought you were putting him down or something because he's Indian".
"I wasn't. Honestly, I wasn't...so you slept with him eh?"
"Yeah, your surprised. Are you disappointed?"
"No, well, er, maybe a little, you seemed so quiet and shy the other day. The reserved type, but I guess it's true, you always have to watch the quiet ones", he said laughing, giving my upper arm a friendly dig. "Lets go in and eat, okay".
Later, when we sat in the restaurant, I looked across the table at him and couldn't shake the feeling I'd fucked things up. He wasn't saying much so I figured as soon as breakfast was over he'd drive me home and that would be it, I'd never see him again. Maybe I shouldn't have been so honest. And God, he was such a hunk, that blond hair and those blue eyes were really something. Not too mention the fantastic body. I sighed and sat back in my seat.
"What's wrong, you seem pensive, what are you thinking?", he asked, with a look of concern. I could have melted there and than the way he gaze at me with those baby blues.
"I'm thinking that maybe honesty is not always the best policy, maybe I shouldn't have told you about Pramath".
"No Mike, I'm glad you did. Look, if you're worried I'm gonna think less of you or I wont wanna to see you again, well don't. I'm not in the habit of knocking on doors, searching for a guy I barely know. I like you, and I like you even more for being honest. If we weren't in this cafe with all these breeders watchin', I'd kiss you right now", he said smiling.
"Wow!" I replied, smiling in relief before I puckered my lips in an exaggerated way and leaned towards him.
"Stop that!, he said laughing. "you'll get us arrested".
We stayed in the restaurant for almost an hour chatting about our lives, our families, friends, things we liked and disliked. Afterwards, as we made our way back to the car he asked if I'd like to go to his place. I immediately agreed and was surprised when he said,
"I'm staying over there, just across the road," nodding towards a tall apartment block over-looking the beach.
"You sty dog," I said, laughing. "Ply me with bacon and eggs and than get me back to your apartment to seduce me."
He laughed out loud, raising his hands in the air.
"Guilty as charged officer, it's what I do with all my dates Mike."
"So I'm your date, hmm, I've never been described as a date before. Hey! What ja mean, all your dates," I said, frowning in mock disapproval.
He laughed as he squeezed my arm playfully.
"There's just one problem Mike, is it okay if I give you the keys to my apartment? I gotta dash back to the office, it's not far, I should only be a half-hour, maybe forty minutes.
"Sure, no problem John, I'll warm the bed." I said smiling.
"Jesus Mike, and I thought you were shy."
"I am, it's just, well, I trust you and feel comfortable with you."
"That's good, I like that," he said, handing me the keys. "It's apartment 185, on the top floor, I wont be long." He jumped into his car and I watched him drive away.
I walked across the road to his apartment building, took the elevator to the top floor and let myself into his apartment. It was very spacious and tastefully decorated with white walls and tiled floors. I went into the kitchen, to the fridge and grabbed a cold beer, it was still early but what the heck, I was on holiday. I picked up a magazine and took it out to the balcony and sat down to wait. I waited and I waited but no sign of John. I started to feel a little concerned. Not for John, I was concerned because I had this strange feeling I might be in the wrong apartment, I started to feel panicked, if not a little silly. I decided to phone for a cab and get the hell out of there but as I went to pick it up, it rang loudly, making me jump. I was deciding if I should answer, when the machine kicked in,
"Hello, Mike you there, it's John, pick-up if you're there."
"Hello, I'm here," I said, when I picked up the receiver.
It turned out John would be at least another hour. He couldn't apologise enough. I told him it was fine, no worries. I'd wait till he got back. I was bored and a little curious, so I walked around exploring the apartment. I went into the bedroom, it was sparsely furnished, a double bed with two bedside tables, a chest of drawers and a small walk in closet. I picked up a discarded T-shirt lying on the bed, brought it to my nose and inhaled deeply. It smelt faintly of aftershave and perspiration. I made my cock stir. I discovered a suitcase on the floor of the closet and being a naturally curious (nosy) individual, I had a peek inside. It was mostly clothes, some paperwork, a bottle of duty-free whisky and a carton of cigarettes. I was about to close it when I noticed a bulge in one of the zipped pockets. I opened it, and was surprised to find a small hand-gun. I lifted it with my thumb and forefinger, I knew nothing about firearms, I'd never seen or even held a real gun so I was scared, scared shit-less in fact. I quickly dropped it back into the pocket, closing the zip with a shudder.
Later, as I sipped a second beer, I heard a key in the lock, John walked in grinning.
"I'm sorry Mike, it took longer than I thought, I hope you weren't too bored."
"No, I was fine John, I helped myself to some beers, is that okay?"
"My beers! Awe maaaan, not my beers, I was savin' `em for a special occasion," he said in a mock whiny voice and laughed.
"Isn't this a special occasion," I asked, smiling.
"A very special occasion," he said as he moved in to kiss me. His mouth opened and we kissed deeply before he held me at arms length,
"Open a beer for me, will yeh Mike, I'll just hop in the shower, wont be a sec."
When he came out of the bathroom in just a towel, I stood staring at him in open admiration, he was so damned hot. I remember thinking his blond hair, blue eyes and smooth tanned muscular body were in direct contrast to Pramath's swarthy good-looks. I recall staring and saying something lame like, "John you're...you're beautiful," and him smiling as he approached, grabbing me in a tight embrace, kissing my face, my neck and nibbling my ear. We stood on the threshold of the balcony and we kissed deeply. I loved the sensation of his smooth skin against me as he explored my mouth with his tongue. My cock sprung to attention, straining against the fabric of my denims. He pulled my sweater and T-shirt up to my neck and proceeded to suck on my nipples, first one, then the other, biting down hard, I yelped in pain, telling him not so rough..
We laughed as we tumbled down the hall, knocking furniture, bouncing of walls, kissing as we went, We pulled at each others clothes, tripping over ourselves in our haste to reach the bedroom. We fell onto the bed and I kissed his face, his neck, his chest. I ran my tongue down the length of his torso, pausing briefly to push the towel aside before pressing my face between his legs and breathing in his deep musk and soapy scent that rose from his warm body. He was cut, about six inches and fat with a large, very bright-pink mushroom head. I took him in my month, he was rock-solid, yet velvety soft. I remember he grabbed my head as I bobbed up and down and it wasn't long before he arched his back and I felt his release splatter against the back of my throat as he yelled out in pleasure.
We spent the afternoon and the early evening in bed, only getting out to prepare food. I remember how my cock hurt from all the sucking and the area around my lips felt sore and raw from kissing. But I felt great, relaxed and completely carefree.
One thing that sticks in my memory, it freaked me out me at the time. After we'd finished eating and lay together on the sofa, sipping duty-free whisky. John got up and went into the bedroom. He returned with a mirror, a playing card and a small bag of white powder. I was naive, completely clueless. I watched him use the card to scrap together two lines of the white powder, and rolling up a twenty Dollar bill, he snorted one and offered the other to me. I refused, I was too timid, unsure, afraid of losing control. John snorted the second line and before long was a little hyper. He talked non-stop, he was vivacious and animated, he made me laugh.
Before long we were back in bed. At one point he tried to fuck me, he was quite insistent, but I was having none of it so kept pushing him away laughing. He became somewhat aggressive and it took me awhile to appease him, settle him down. When he feel asleep, I went into the other room feeling a little scared and alone. I watched TV till about 1am before quietly slipping into bed beside him.
And now here I was at the foot of the bed watching him sleep as I drank my coffee. He stirred and rolled over and his arm hit the empty space I had occupied. I saw him look over, then raise his head from the pillow to look around, he smiled when he saw me and dropped his head back onto the pillow,
"hey! You're up and dressed", he mumbled. "Come back to bed", he patted the space beside him. "did you sleep well?
"I slept okay, c'mon, you gotta get up, you have work at eight, remember?"
"Yuck, don't remind me, come, come back to bed, come here," he said, seductively.
He looked so damn cute, all sleepy and tousled. I walked over, placed the coffee cup on the bedside table, and sat beside him, I started to rub his shoulders and back.
"Mmm, that feels good, why'd you get dressed", he murmured.
"I had a nightmare and woke up early, couldn't get back to sleep", I replied.
"Awe, did baby have a wittle nightmare", he said in a playful baby voice.
"Hey!, I'm not five years old", I said, laughing and pinching his ass.
"Ouch!...seriously, did you have a dad dream?" he said, sitting up and looking all concerned.
"Yeah, kinda", I replied.
"What was it about?", he asked.
"I can't recall, it's a little vague. And another thing," I said, standing up. "You were a bit out of it last night, you were obnoxious and a little aggressive."
"Really! Jesus Mike, I'm sorry, it's the damn drugs, happens sometimes."
"Well, you shouldn't take that stuff if it has that effect on you, I was scared John, really scared. I thought I'd have to fight my way outta here."
"No way! Your kidding, was I really that bad?" he said, with a measure of remorse.
"Yes, you were really that bad."
"God! I'm so embarrassed, I'm sorry Mike, really, I am," he said, reaching out and pulling me down onto the bed. He held my head in his hands and started kissing my face all over. "Sorry, sorry, sorry. "I wasn't violent, was I Mike, I mean, I didn't hurt you?" he was all tenderness and concern.
"No you didn't hurt me, you weren't physically violent or anything. Anyway, I'd a snapped your arm in two, if you were," I said with a grin.
"Jesus Mike, you probably would too," he said, laughing.
"C'mon John, get up, you have to shower and drive me back before you go into work, don't you have a meeting or something?"
"Shit! what time is it?"
"Just after seven".
"Christ!" he said, bounding out of bed. I couldn't help notice his woody. He stretched audibly before bending down to kiss me softly on the lips, then ran to the bathroom. I watched his muscular ass as he walked out of the room and felt a stirring in my jeans. I stood up, quickly removed my clothes and followed him. He was already in the shower, I could see he was surprised but pleased to see me.
"Hey partner!" he said kissing me. "We don't really have time for this."
"We can spare ten minutes," I said laughing and kissing him deeply. I dropped my hand to his rock hard dick as I said, "mmm, looks like someone's happy this mornin'."
"It's the effect you have on me darlin'," he said, grinning.
I got down on my knees and took him in my mouth. I loved the fact I could suck him to the hilt. Unlike Pramath, John was average, which was something I liked, large cocks are all well and good but I prefer something more manageable. I loved sucking and pressing my lips right up against his mousy blond pubes. He liked it too cos he started moaning softly.
"Oh yeah Mike, that feels good, we, we gotta be quick," he pulled his cock out of my mouth and jerked himself before pushing it back in again. He repeated this several times until he jerked one final time,
"I'm gonna cum, open up big boy...here...here it cums."
With that he plunged his throbbing cock back into my mouth and splattered several sizable wads of creamy cum onto my tongue as I continued sucking, it was glutinous and slightly bitter so I let it run from my mouth and disperse in the cascading water. I stood up and we reversed positions. I was so hot, so horny and the sensation of his warm, wet mouth felt so good that I came fast, shooting several sizable wads of my own for him to savor.
I jumped out of the shower and left him to it. I dried, got dressed and made coffee while he got ready. When he came into the kitchen, he looked damned hot and handsome in his blue suit. It matched his eyes and showed of his blond hair perfectly. I wanted to grab him and do it all again.
"You look really good in a suit," I said as I kissed him.
"Awe stop Mike...you'll...you'll make me blush," he said, putting his finger to his chin, lowering his head and pretending to be all shy. I laughed. He quickly downed his coffee.
"Come on Mike, we gotta go, I'll drive you back... should only take fifteen minutes and then I'll head to the meeting...damn! I'm supposed to pick up some papers at the office, awe! if I'm late, fuck it," he said, hurrying to the hall. As we got to the front door he stopped to kiss me deeply,
"thanks for yesterday, and I'm sorry, you know, for my behaviour last night and for hurrying you this morning, is it okay to call you later, if you still wanna see me that is?" he said, blushing a little. "I promise Mike, no drugs this time."
"Yeah, I still wanna see you," I laughed. "Relax, I forgive you." I gave him a quick peck on the mouth. " C'mon, I'll write down the number in the car".
He dropped me off, near the house.
"Sorry again for last night, I'll call you later, maybe we can meet, grab something to eat or a few beers?"
"Okay, we'll see, it maybe awkward, you know, trying to explain you to my brother," I replied.
"Just tell him you know me from university or something, anyway, it was really nice to see you again Mike. Now get out!" he said, laughing. "I have to dash or I'll be late." He squeezed my hand and I jumped out and watched him speed away. I turned into the driveway and pressed the buzzer. I wondered what kind of reception I was going to receive.
Dana let me in. Sean was at work, the children were at school, and Pramath and Asha were still sleeping. Dana smiled as she asked in mock anger,
"Michael Fitzpatrick where have you been? Sean's been worried sick, you really should've called and let us know you wouldn't be home."
"But I told Pramath I was going out with a friend," I replied sheepishly.
"Yes, he told us but he didn't have details...he didn't know anything about your friend," she said curiously.
"He's just a friend from university, he, he came down with his, his girlfriend to visit her family. They said they may call this evening, so I could be going out again," I said casually.
A little later, as I swam in the pool, Pramath came out with a cup of coffee in his hand and the newspaper under his arm. There was no greeting, he sat some distance from me and proceeded to read the paper, refusing to even look in my direction.
"Hello! Prem, how are you this fine sunny morning?" I called, in an overly cheerful tone as I grinned. He said nothing, no response. "What's wrong my friend, cat got your tongue?" Still no response.
I rose from the water, grabbed a towel and approached him, smiling. My smile abruptly fell as I drew closer, I was shocked, dismayed and instantly remorseful. His cheek was swollen, there was an extensive blue-black bruise on one side of his face and his eye was bloodshot. Jesus, was I a monster, capable of inflicting such pain. My face burned with shame.
"Pramath, oh my god, did I do that? I'm sorry, so sorry" I reached out to touch him and he visibly flinched,
"Leave me alone Mike, I'm reading," he snapped.
"Look Prem, I just wanna say how..."
"Leave me alone Mike, I don't wanna talk to you."
"Okay, okay, I understand but listen, just listen, you don't have to talk to me but please listen okay, please. Pramath, about yesterday, I'm sorry, I know I was aggressive and said some awful things. But I never meant to do that, never. I'm not proud of my behaviour and I'm not making excuses but you hurt me with the things you said so I wanted to hurt you in return. I figured you used me, it made me feel bad and you threatened to tell Sean so I lost my temper and retaliated."
"Look Mike, I don't need an explanation from you, he said, bluntly. "I've ten days left here in Durban and most of it will be spent sightseeing and visiting relatives so we wont have to spend too much time in each others company. When it's necessary, I'll be sociable and polite but only to avoid any awkward questions. But as far as I'm concerned you can go fuck yourself Mike, is that clear.
"Pramath, look, I'm sorry, can we..."
"Is that clear Mike!?"
"Yes! Yes, but can we just talk, please, let me explain..."
"There's nothing to talk about, nothing to explain, just stay the hell away from me and things will be fine, ten day Mike, ten fucking days, " he hissed as he got up and went back into the house leaving me desolate and racked with remorse.
The rest of the day was a complete nightmare. Lunch was particularly bad. The four of us sat on the patio. Asha and Dana did most of the talking but it was still extremely uncomfortable. I had no appetite, I just picked at my food, feeling dreadful. Under normal circumstances, I'd probably have shrugged it off and been cheerful but Pramath sat opposite me, and the raw discoloration on his once beautiful face was a visible and blatant reminder of my hideous crime. It was agonizing for me to see him that way. I freely admit, I deserved his contempt and could handle being ignored but what I couldn't handle was when he smiled, all animated and polite towards me. I knew it was a front and it made me utterly miserable. I must say, he was a great actor, he'd have made a great politician, the two women suspected nothing. I, on the other hand, was a terrible actor, my shame and sadness were etched on my face for all the world to see. Dana asked me if I was okay. I managed to convince her I was fine, just tired. She smiled as she accused me of drinking too much with my friends and I quickly agreed, seeing it as a legitimate excuse to leave the table and retreat to my bedroom.
Later, the three of them went to pick the children from school and afterwards to visit friends. I was left alone to contemplate my next move. In hindsight, instead of wallowing in my guilt and confusion, I should have confronted Pramath and demanded a chance to explain, to get everything out in the open. But I was twenty, and at that age I may have considered myself grown-up, but I knew nothing about life or about relationships. So I just lay on the bed, lost and alone, feeling sorry for myself.
They say things get worse before they get better and in my case it was true. As I lay dozing, I was woken by the shrill of the phone. I jumped out of bed and ran to pick it up. It was John.
"Hey Mike! howzit?
I know it may sound stupid, maybe even a little lame but I was feeling depressed and totally retched so hearing a friendly voice almost made me cry. I managed to hold back the tears as I greeted him.
"Hello John, how did it go this morning, did you get the contract?"
"Yeah, everything worked out well, thanks Mike. Are, are you okay? You don't sound too good."
"No, I'm, I'm fine, just a little tired, we meeting up later?
"Well, that's why I'm callin'. Now that things have been sorted sooner than we thought. I've gotta get back to London and take care of things that side. There's a flight at 6.30pm this evenin' so it looks like it's goodbye for now partner."
This news, on top of everything else was enough to send me over the edge and I started to blub. I was embarrassed so tried to keep it quiet.
"Mike! you still there?"
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Hey! C'mon Mikey, it'll be okay."
"Do you have to go so soon John, couldn't yeh..."
"No, I have to, I have to be there, you know, lose ends and all that. Look, I didn't mean to upset yeh. I mean, I know you like me but there's really no need to cry..." he laughed as he tried to keep things lighthearted.
"It's not that, it's just..."
"C'mon Mikey, we'll see each other in London, as soon as you get back, okay?"
"I'd like that John, I have your business card so I'll call you when I get back to London but I really wish I was going with you tonight."
"Hey c'mon man, it's only a couple of weeks. You can come and stay at my place for awhile, how's that."
"Great, look I don't mean to be so heavy an' all, you must think I'm such a wimp..."
"No I don't, really I don't, I'm surprised and, well you know, kinda flattered."
I found this funny, he presumed the tears were for him, because he was going away. I stifled a tearful laugh and it came out sounding like another sob. I quickly covered it by saying,
"well, you're, you're a great guy John, I like you and I wanna get to know you better."
"And you will Mike, you will, listen, I gotta go. Call me as soon as you arrive back in London and we'll arrange a meeting, we'll talk then, okay?"
"Okay John, enjoy the flight, be good."
"Okay, and thanks Mike, for everything, bye-bye.
I put down the receiver as I sunk to the floor and gave my tears free reign. I never felt so desolate, so isolated, more alone than at any time in my young life. What should have been the holiday of a lifetime was turning into a living nightmare. I staggered back to my room and lay on the bed. I thought about Pramath, and about John but mostly I thought about Dr. H., which only increased my feelings isolation and loneliness. Jesus! Could things get any worse?
To be continued...