This is my first attempt at posting anything on the archive, so be gentle. I must admit that I have read a LOT of the stories, and am quite fond of several of them. The ones I would suggest to everyone are My Surprise Romance Brian and Me Superman Can't Fly Studio in the Country Lance in Shining Armour these are great stories and great authors. Well, enough about that!
Let me also say that if for any reason it is illegal for you to be reading this, please don't. I would, however, suggest that if you don't like the reason it is illegal for you to read this try to do something to have it changed. The world is the way it is and if you don't like it you need to go out and do something about it. You can vote, sign petitions, start petitions, organize and you can accomplish anything. :-)
Let me also say that I don't know any of the people in my story, the character's personalities are completely fictional and my own creation. I think the famous people who I use as rough templates for these characters are really cute and talented but I only see their public personae, which all of you do too. So, I am making them the way I would like them to be and I hope that you, my readers, like them that way too. You are free to e-mail me with any comments at D_cuddy@email.msn.com I will try to reply as quickly as possible but I am a college student, with a full class load, so don't become all upset if it takes a while. Well, on with the show!!
The rain is falling gently, and blurring the world from my view inside the bus. The large windows have rivulets streaming down their surfaces and the world is gray and wet. I smile at my own reflection in the window, and I chuckle at my vanity. I suppose it was only a matter of time before all the publicity went to my head. I saw Lance approaching in the reflection and smiled as I turned to face him.
"Hey Lance, how's it going?"
"Fine, JC, you know how I loved being cooped up on the bus for hours on end! What are you so deeply in thought about? You've been staring out that window for a good twenty minutes now."
Lance smiled as he sat beside me on the little ledge that ran along side the base of the window. It was my favorite perch on the bus. Everyone had their favorite spots. Justin and Chris love the little room with the television, video games, and all other forms of electronic entertainment. Joey seems to prefer his bunk to our company most of the time. Yet they persist in calling me sleepy! Lance was the only real wanderer amongst us, always sitting in a different place, but I think he prefers sitting up front by the driver quietly watching out for the way ahead.
"I don't know Scoop, life I suppose." I smile at this. "That and I seem to have discovered that the window works really well as a mirror."
"Josh, you're smiling and all, but you still seem sad. What's wrong man?"
Lance put his hand on my shoulder and I looked out the window again, watching the dark and damp world whiz by. I can see in the reflection Lance is watching too, but I can also see that he is watching me. I sigh and turn away from my view of the world, and back to my friend.
"I'm sorry Lance, just feeling a little out of it. I know it's sounds insane being with you four all the time, but I'm kind of lonely. I feel like something is missing, and I don't know what it is. Is that a sad sounding situation or what!"
"No, I know exactly what you mean. I've been feeling a little lonely lately myself. I feel a little disconnected from reality, as if that makes sense. I can't talk to the other guys, but Josh I think you and I have this in common. Josh, I'm gay."
I sit back and look at Lance. His blond hair is smooth and silky, he doesn't usually keep it all gelled and spiked when we are not making public appearances. His eyes look a little red and puffy, and I suddenly wonder if he has been crying. I put my arm around him and pull him in for a tight embrace. He stiffens for a moment and then just starts sobbing on my shoulder. I rub his back with a gentle circular motion, and make little soothing "shooshing" noises. It feels odd comforting someone who is usually so very strong and in control.
I told all of the guys that I am bisexual when we first started out. It was kind of difficult there for a while, and my friendship with Justin has never returned to the way it was. Justin and Chris were really tight now, best friends even. Joey being the loner and not really being a good friend with any of us left me and Lance to stumble about by ourselves. I am amazed that it has never occurred to me before to try and befriend Lance.
"Lance, you can talk to me about anything, I need a friend and so do you. So, what do you say, shall we be there for each other?"
"JC, yes, I do need a friend. Thank you so much, when we get to New York, lets have a long talk. You can come to my room and we can order room service, my treat."
Lance hugs me, and I feel strange for a moment. I like this. It feels right to be in Lane's arms and it feels safe. I smile in confusion, and wonder where all of this is going to lead. I pat Lance's back, and we kind of rock back and forth for a few minutes. I think he wanted to hold on as badly as I never wanted him to let go. I feel almost guilty at the realization that I am attracted to him. I smile though as I realize I have always liked him. I have always kind of admired him, and always thought that he was cute. I finally feel him start to pull away, and I grudgingly let go of my new found best friend.
"JC, I'm sorry to cut things short, but I have had a trying day, and really need to head to bed. I think I am actually going to sleep well tonight, even though we're on the bus." He smiles as I wish him a good night and go back to staring out of the window. Cars are whizzing by us, their lights just streaks in the damp night air. It has stopped raining, or we have left the rain behind, but the air still looks pregnant with the gray clouds hanging heavily in the sky above.
I close my eyes, and think about the small epiphanies I have just had with Lance. I play with the small silver symbol that is always hanging around my neck. I have had this for a long time and it never comes off, playing with it when in thought has become one of my trademark habits. A lover gave it to me a long time ago, he was my first love. After he died in an automobile crash I swore to never take it off. It has been around my neck since then. It was his birth sign and mine as well. I sigh and lean against the cool glass and listen to the small sounds in the bus.
I jump as I feel a hand clamp around my shoulder. I open my eyes and look in the window to see Justin standing behind me. He smiles as he sees my eyes open in the same glass.
"Hey, JC, it's almost 1:30 we shouldn't be in New York before 9 but I would suggest you try and get some rest. You know we have to be on TRL tomorrow, and probably a couple of interviews with local radio stations."
" I know, Just., I think I'll head to bed, thanks for letting me know." I stand and smile at him. I feel the distance that lies between us now more than ever. Now that Lance is assuming a new roll in my life I feel the sense of loss all over again. Justin and I had once been so close, and now I was replacing him. I could feel that Lance and I would be great friends, and it was like watching Justin slip away.
"You o.k. JC?? You look like you are about ready to cry. What's wrong?" I hear genuine concern in his voice, but I see in his eyes a pleading for me not to tell him. I smile at his contradicting nature.
"Sorry Curly, it's just that sometimes I miss how it used to be. Ya know what I mean. We used to be best friends, and suddenly it just seems we are so far apart." I see a sadness akin to my own in his eyes, and I can not help but smile. "It's o.k. Justin, I mean we are very different people from who we were a couple of years ago. I just get all sentimental sometimes, we are still friends and all. Lets go shopping, just the two of us one day in New York. What do you say?"
He looks at me for a moment, and I suddenly feel very sad. I see that he has really grown up, and I must have too at some point. It is quite shocking to discover that you have grown up by looking in someone else's eyes. He smiles and I feel something that has been barely hanging on for a while now finally die, some spark was extinguished at that moment. I realize my friendship with Justin is really over.
"We'll see what we can do JC. You know how hectic things can get. Just remind me, you know how forgetful I am, and I'll try to work it out."
I felt cold, and alone. After everything we have done together, all the things we have shared, he is blowing me off. Friendship is much like a love affair, just without the sex. You spend time with your friend, and vice versa. I felt betrayed and slapped in the face at the same moment. I let my anger get the better of me.
"You know what, Justin, just forget it. I should have known better than try to resurrect something that is long since dead. Let's just remember the friendship that was, and not let it interfere with the working relationship we have now. Good night Justin."
I know that I have over-reacted but I could not help myself. After I told everyone about being bisexual Justin and his mom Lynn, had practically turned into strangers. I had just accepted it because my real family, my flesh and blood, had done the same thing. I thought it was some failing on my part, but some how, tonight, I have finally seen the light. It is not my fault, I let them know who I really was as soon as I figured it out myself, and they did not like the real me.
I was flushed and pissed as I jumped into my bunk and pulled the curtain shut behind me. I felt the tears in my eyes and pulled the pillow over my face incase I sobbed. I felt all the loneliness I have endured over the past couple of years come rearing to the surface. I was drowning in pent up emotions, and I could not save myself. I thought I could hear the rain and thunder beginning anew outside the bus and it matched the emotions that were ripping through me exactly.
I heard the curtain to my bunk slide back, and jerked the pillow from my face ready to pound Justin. I saw Lance and the look on his face was beautiful to me. He was concerned, he was worried about me. I love it, it has been so long since I had anyone care for me. I sighed and dropped back to the bed, pulling my arm over my eyes as I did so. I sobbed and fresh tears slid down my face, I think my chest is going to cave in.
He lays down beside me and pulls me into a hug. I feel the storm within calming down, and the weariness that only strong emotions can bring began to descend. I felt safe and loved, and I have found a true friend. I smile as I slip off into sleep.
There, sorry it is so short, but this seems like a natural breaking point in the story, and hopefully there is enough suspense to get y'all to read my future installments. Hopefully they will be longer, and I hope to have some more character development and interaction. Let me know what you think again my email is D_cuddy@msn.com Thanks for reading and all feedback is welcome.
Loves ya mean it,
byby