HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NURSE!!!! Yes it's true, Strawberry Boy returns!!! To dispell any horrible fears you may have had I am alive and the story continues right where it left off. All your questions from chapter seven will be answered (well maybe not all). Give it a read, let me know what you think, and hopefully you'll enjoy it. And hopefully I'll return to a normal schedule again. Thanks, laters.
The Strawberry Boy Chapter 8
By Jason Trower
I was reminded of a lush rainforest. The rain was steady but not harsh, the air was warm and humid, birds sang from their dry perches in trees and the eaves of the houses, and the morning sun through the storm clouds cast a green hue over everything. Thunder rumbled softly but there was no lightening to be seen. And in some strange, almost numb way, I was at peace for that moment, laying there in bed, Matt sleeping beside me, pressed close. The poor kid had stayed up most of the night pouring his heart out to me like never before, in tears for most of the time, until he'd finally exhausted himself and fell asleep next to his big bro. I now saw him in a whole new light. Not just my kid brother who could be annoying sometimes, he was my equal, my true brother in every sense of the word. We were sharing far more than I ever thought we could, and I knew now that he was experiencing all the confusing pain and hormones that I had been through.
I also knew that Aaron and I needed to start being more careful, although at the time being overheard was the last thing on my mind. Matt had come home the day before and heard me and Aaron in bed. He was almost too embarrassed to tell me, but eventually confessed that he'd heard us having sex and the fight. It was then that he saw his big brother in such pain over his loss and all alone that he'd decided to tell me.
Matt rolled over in his sleep, nearly rolling on top of me. I smiled and tried to roll him back over. I looked at him sleeping for a moment and caught myself almost admiring him. Laying there in nothing but shorts, his soft face, thin chest, long legs, if he wasn't my little brother I'd say he was quite a cutie.
His eyes fluttered open, then grew wide as he saw we were laying together in my bed. He jumped up falling off the edge of the bed and onto the floor, jumping up to his feet again.
"Oh my god...wha...what happened?" he asked breathlessly.
I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction and that seemed to confuse him even more. He stood there looking at the way he was dressed (or undressed) and looking back to me.
"It's OK bro, you fell asleep while we were talking last night," I said still grinning.
"Oh man," he said sighing with relief and leaning back against my desk. "I...I thought maybe...something....like..."
"You thought we had sex?" I asked laughing again. This time Matt managed to see the humor and grinned a little himself, turning slightly red at the same time. My little brother Matt, always the shy one.
"I...I'm gonna go take a shower," he said with a bashful smile and left the room.
I was still giggling a little as he left but my smile soon faded as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was still looking for answers, this time in my own eyes, but I found none. I only asked myself more questions. Why had I done that to Aaron? Why couldn't I just forget about Alex? Once again I was left to contemplate life without Aaron, the boy I had loved for so long, who had loved me for so long. We had been in a fight before, but this was completely different. This struck deeply at our trust, his trust of me. With that one simple name I had shattered his dream come true, but it felt more like I had stabbed myself in the chest. I would have preferred that, to be dead instead of living without him.
The doorbell rang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Was it Aaron? I was shocked that he'd come back so soon after what I'd done, but I was also scared of what would happen. I ran downstairs and to the front door but didn't find Aaron. It was somebody I'd never seen before, a kid about 13, blond hair, about Matt's height.
"Hi, is Matt home?" he asked in a quiet but cool voice.
"Um...yeah, come on in," I said not trying to look too disappointed. "He's in the shower but he'll be done soon, you can wait if ya want."
The boy came inside and stood as I looked him over slightly. I couldn't help but notice his blue eyes and his small but well shaped build. His eyes shifted around the room a little and then back to me as if to say "and....."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said slightly embarrassed, "I'm Jay, Matt's brother
"Cool, I'm Corey," he said flashing me a bright white smile and a half hearted wave.
If this is what Matt had to look at every day it's no wonder he's gay. Sure Corey was a little young for me, but he was stunning. I was probably being a little too obvious as I admired his youthful beauty, but even his clothes complimented his happy face and that smile.
"Why don't you come upstairs and hang out while ya wait," I offered, partially to be polite and partially so I could be around him.
"I don't know, why don't I?" he asked with a grin.
I laughed and motioned for him to follow me upstairs. I walked into my room and tossed a CD in the player as Corey flopped himself down on my bed, completely at ease as if we'd known each other forever. I cranked up the volume a little more than usual, as if the loud music could drown out my misery over Aaron.
"Van Halen, huh?" Corey asked, "is this with the new guy?"
"Huh? Um, yeah," I answered, returning from my day dream out the window.
"There must be some kind of way that we can make it right, but I just can't do it all without you," Maybe this song wasn't helping to ease my mind after all.
"Geez, what's taking Matt so long in there," Corey asked impatiently. I couldn't help but wonder if he was becoming impatient with Matt or just hoping to get away from my somber mood.
"Oh come on," I said, hoping to lighten things a little, "I know what you thirteen year olds do in the shower."
To my surprise Corey didn't blush or become defensive, he actually had a good laugh, one that saw the humor but also seemed to agree with what I said. I got the impression quickly that Corey was rather mature and confident for his age, yet he didn't seem egotistical.
I returned to staring out the window with a sigh. I repeated my own words to myself silently...as long as I keep Aaron by my side it will all work out fine. Yeah right, I'd done a pretty good job of that. I could almost see Aaron's house down the street from where I sat at my window, but he seemed so far away.
I felt a hand rest gently on my shoulder and I turned to see Corey standing next to me with a worried look on his face.
"Are you alright?" he asked. It was then that I realized I had tears dripping down my face. Corey's soft blue eyes were filled with concern and compassion.
"Yeah, I'm OK, I was just thinking about somebody, thanks," I answered as I wiped my face with my hands.
I heard the bathroom door open and Matt walked down the hall past my room, wearing only boxers and drying his hair with a towel.
"Hey, Corey! What's up?" he asked when he noticed our guest. Corey turned towards Matt and paused for a moment before saying hello. I couldn't see his face but I imagined him with mouth open, eyeing Matt's near naked body. 'Geez! I'm getting bad, not everyone is gay' I thought to myself. Corey followed Matt to his room but not before looking back over his shoulder at me with a friendly smile that seemed to say 'everything will be OK'. Was this kid psychic too?
"If I cannot kiss you from afar, press against your lips, taste the sweetness...of your breath," the CD continued playing and I noticed that when you're in love suddenly every song has some meaning, you can see more clearly then ever what the words are saying, and you can feel the emotion in it like never before.
"If I cannot touch you from afar, hold you in my arms, keep you warm...and safe from harm." And yet when your heart has been broken you see the pain and wrenching heartache in every song.
I sat on the bed staring at nothing in particular, thinking, wondering, longing. I wasn't sure how long I sat there engrossed in my thoughts. It seemed only like a few seconds but I was suddenly snapped out of my catatonic state by the sound of my CD player coming to a stop. I'd sat there through the whole disc. I sighed deeply and decided I'd better try eating at least once today. I wondered what Matt and his new friend were doing for lunch and went to ask if they'd like to order a pizza.
I noticed the house was oddly quiet as I walked down the hall to Matt's room. The door was closed and I knocked lightly. No reply. I listened but heard nothing. Slowly I turned the door knob and pushed the door open far enough to poke my head into the room. And there, on Matt's bed...was my shirt! The extra large blue and gray one I'd been looking everywhere for! But Matt and Corey were nowhere to be seen. They must have left while I was sulking in my bedroom, guess I'm on my own, again.
I went downstairs and headed for the kitchen searching in vain for some decent lunch. I was about to give up when I heard a knock at the back door. I turned to see Alex walking in wearing jeans and the sexiest, tight, black silk shirt. Wonderful! Just what I needed at a time like this!
"Hey buddy, what's up?" he asked cheerfully. I tried to put on my best fake face but I wasn't quick enough and he caught my true mood.
"What's wrong," he asked, coming to my side with a concerned expression. I struggled to keep my feelings locked away, to cram them into that bottle and hope they'd go away, but finally I gave up and let the fake smile fade away.
"Aaron is way pissed at me," I conceded. "I hurt his feelings without meaning to and now he hates me."
"Come on man, he can't hate you, you guys are best friends," he said trying to comfort me. "I should know," he said leaning in slightly and lowering his voice with a grin, "I'm a bit jealous."
'Shit! He's doing it again,' I thought. He was giving me the signals...or was he? What if he was? I mean I didn't want Alex, well I did, but not over Aaron, my true love. If only I knew what Alex was doing, if only I could be open about it all I could settle everything between me and Alex and maybe even win back Aaron's heart! That was all it took, just the possibility that I could have Aaron in my life again was worth whatever risk. I HAD to know where Alex stood.
"Let's go upstairs and listen to some tunes or something," I suggested. Alex readily agreed and we bounded up to my bedroom.
I told him to put on whatever music he wanted and I flopped down on my bed, flat on my back, legs over the edge. I eyed Alex's sexy frame under that tight shirt as he searched through my two hundred CD's as if he was looking for something just right. He finally put on some mellow music and turned around, his eyes meeting mine. He smiled slightly and sat down on the edge of the bed, then leaned back to lay beside me. Alex and I had been side by side like this on my bed countless times, and I always enjoyed the closeness, but today it seemed as though we were closer then usual and I was almost trembling with nervousness.
"Can I ask you some serious questions?" he asked cautiously.
"Sure, ask anything," I said.
"Well...have you ever...been in love...with somebody you couldn't have?" he asked, still staring at the ceiling.
My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I was sure it was shaking the bed. I took a few deep breaths discretely so I wouldn't choke on the words when I spoke.
"Yes, Alex, I have," I hinted.
"So you know how it feels to see that person all the time, to see them with somebody else, and want them so bad but know it's not possible?"
"It's always possible," I said, the two of us still looking skyward.
"But not if that person doesn't like...you," he said with a pause.
"And maybe they do, and have just been too scared or shy to say it."
"But there isn't any reason to be shy," he said finally turning his head to look at me. I turned my face towards his and realized just how close we were lying.
"Making the first move is always hard, for either person," I said quietly.
"I know, but if I make the first move and I'm wrong it could all go bad," and he closed his eyes.
I moved my face the few inches to his and pressed my lips to his mouth, a slight pressure, my lips gently massaging his. No tongue, just a soft loving kiss, the one I'd dreamed of for so long, wondered about and thought I'd never have, and now it was happening, I was kissing Alex!!!
I let my lips linger on his for a while before finally pulling away and opening my eyes. He opened his ever wider, staring straight into mine.
"oh...my...God," he said slowly, "you...you kissed me...you kissed me!"
Suddenly I was frozen with fear, looking at the surprised expression on Alex's face, his eyes wide and staring. The wheels were turning and he began to put all the pieces together.
"You...thought I was talking about you? But...that means...you and Aaron?"
I finally broke my petrified state as the flood gates opened and the tears streamed from my eyes. I sat up on the edge of my bed, hiding my face in my hands, hiding from the knowledge that I had just ruined my friendship with Alex. I had ruined my life with Aaron and now I was driving away everyone I cared about. My dream of showing my love to Alex with a kiss had come true, but the nightmare that he would hate me and never forgive me had also come to life. I felt my chest tighten until it hurt, I felt my stomach twist, I felt...a hand on my shoulder.
"Jay...it's OK, please don't cry," he pleaded. "It's OK, I don't mind, please don't cry, I hate to see you like this."
Alex put his arm around my shoulder and held me close. I put my arm around him and buried my face in his chest. And yet in that position, with that contact, I had no thoughts of sex or lust for Alex, only a desperate desire to hold onto our friendship, the one thing that was genuinely important to me.
"You're still you, Jay. You're still the same friend I've always known. You like guys, no big deal. Nobody has to know," he whispered as he rubbed and patted my back.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes as I lifted my head.
"Thank you, Alex."
"You gonna be OK?" he asked. I simply nodded. "Why don't you get cleaned up, take a shower, we can go out and do something, get a pizza maybe."
'Another psychic experience' I thought to myself and smiled. I agreed and wiped the last of the tears from my eyes as we stood up together. He hugged me tightly and whispered that everything would work out for the best.
"Get yourself together, dude, I'm gonna go snag the car," he said with a sparkle in his eye. Like any American sixteen year old Alex loved driving every chance he got. He flashed me another smile over his shoulder and was off.
I stood there briefly letting my spinning mind come to a full stop, waiting until I came to my senses enough to go take a shower. As I got the towels from the cabinet a strange thought crossed my mind. All the worries, all the change and new revelations of the past few days, after kissing my straight friend and giving myself away, I was surprisingly relieved. Like a giant weight lifted from my chest, and I didn't even know were it went or at what moment it disappeared, but it was gone. At least I hoped it was. Then I stopped again as another thought whispered to me from the back of my mind. I still didn't really know if Alex was straight, he never said.
I was suddenly distracted by the sound of somebody coming in the front door and sprinting up the stairs. I looked out of the bathroom to see Matt walking down the hallway, his head hung low, and almost nervous air about him.
"Back so soon dude?" I asked, startling him slightly.
"Um...yeah, Corey had to go...go do somethin," he stuttered and walked off to his room, closing the door behind him. It was strange behavior for him, but not too strange, Matt always was a shy one. I dismissed it and returned to the bathroom, stripped and stepped into the cool water.
There it is, some questions answered, some new ones to think about. Feel free to drop me a note if ya liked it (or didn't) I'm jaytrower@hotmail.com. Laters