Disclaimer: This is a fiction story based on gay characters and contains sexual encounters between consenting males. If this kind of thing bothers you in any way, please depart. If you are under age or it is illegal to read such material where you're from, you are all right, this is not hard-core porn and I can't imagine a place that would make it law to not view. If you are not out, I'd advise you hide this really good, maybe save it on disk or change the name to something boring as to keep you safe. The males in here do not practice safe sex but I'd advise you to use your best judgment and be safe when engaging in sexual intercourse. You all know the drill so just enjoy the story.
Copyright: The author retains all copyrights of this material. Any reproduction and distribution for money is strictly forbidden. The author give permission to post his story elsewhere on the web as long as the material stays completely intact and the author name appears on the material. If you are not sure if what you want to do is breaking copyright or not, please contact the author and ask for whatever it is. Thank you.
Note: If you read this with Notepad, make sure you have word wrap checked in the edit menu. This story is a lot shorter than the previous 2. But chapter 3b will be longer and might be posted sooner.
Note I changed the name of this chapter from the original chapter. I didn't change much of this story as I was content with the original version. More of the scenes with Terrin and Julian got changed than the rest of the story.
Strength Because of You By Daven
Chapter 3a -- Secrets
I was tense. The only sound I heard was my breathing. I felt like a taut bowstring about to snap. Then I heard the creak of my bed moving--rather someone 'on' the bed moving. Then the thud of two feet touching the floor. I was very aware of Terrin standing up. I could feel him behind me, getting closer. It felt like my heart was about to burst it was beating so hard--and only then did I realize at some point I was holding my breath. Then his hand grabbed my shoulder and he spun me to face him.
"Hey, tough guy. I fell asleep and you was going to leave me. That is hardly guest-like of me to leave you up alone."
"You looked so peaceful. I was afraid to wake you." I was still tense, wondering what was coming. "Besides, practice wore you out."
"Well don't play hero with me. I'm fine. Your massage was just so damned good. You could be a professional." He grinned at me and I felt my face warm.
He just had that effect on me. I resigned myself to the blushing. He brought them out of me effortlessly. He was always complimenting me. Terrin's girlfriend is one lucky girl. I felt a tinge of envy.
I smiled nervously back and wondered if he felt me kiss. If he did he didn't act any differently. Terrin's stomach growled at me and broke the tense mood--making me laugh. He looked at me sheepishly.
"Hey! I'm a growing kid. It let's me know when I need to feed it." He rubbed his stomach.
"Well if you put something on you can come downstairs and get something." I decided that he didn't know about the kiss. It was relieving and disturbing. I was almost hoping I wouldn't have to hide that around him. When the time comes I could only hope he would stick by me. It was just a matter of time. Nothing gets past Terrin for long.
Terrin looked at himself. "I see you took advantage of me in my sleep." he said looking up to meet my gaze. I almost choked. "You all right? It's only fair I take something back." He went to rummage around my drawers while I ran down to bring his clothes to the wash. I met mom on the way.
"Where's Terrin, honey?" She asked, seeing me alone.
"In the room."
She eyed the clothes I was carrying with a raised eyebrow. "Terrin's--he's staying the night. If it all right, I mean."
"I don't mind. Tell him dinner will be done in a half-hour." She gave me that 'chef' look of hers. Meaning it was going to be good as hell. Not professional, but might as well be--it would be so good. I couldn't tell the difference--though I only had restaurants to compare with.
"Good. If it takes any longer I think I might start looking appetizing to him." She laughed and walked away shaking her head. I smiled and brought Terrin's clothes to the wash. I thought about Terrin while I put them in and got it started. That thought led me to how I left him upstairs. He was getting--shit!
I turned on the washer and ran up to my room. I burst into my room with Terrin holding up a small package--a blue condom--and examining it. I had red, white and blue. Don't ask. Without turning he addressed me.
"Hmm--interesting, tough guy. Who is the lucky gal? Can you even fit it?" He glanced at me, eyes dancing with mischief. I nearly fell over with disbelief. "Oh," he put the condom down, "what's this?" He pulled my leather bound journal out. I hadn't wrote in it in months. I was to his side in a heart-beat snatching it out his hands. He gave me a started look but didn't press the issue.
"Sorry," I said. The look he gave me made me feel guilty. I was being to get scared of how he made me feel. I was treading a dangerous road. "This is strictly confidential." I paused. "No one sees this," I said, hanging my head down. It came out barely a whisper.
"I understand," he said. He gave me a weak smile. "Well I can' find anything that fits me. Without being tight, anyway."
"What's wrong with 'tight'?" I asked, pointing to his CKs.
He chuckled. "Well, there's a reason for that." He said.
"Really? What? I asked wondering his reason for wearing tight underwear--though I wasn't complaining.
"Strictly confidential." I went to say something, but stopped. I guess I deserved that. I was tempted to show him the book just so he would tell me. What was in my book was a lot more dangerous than whatever his reason could be for his attire.
Then a thought struck me. "Hey. You can wear your clothes you let me wear yesterday."
"You have them here?" He looked astonished.
"Well I was too messed up to worry about my own clothes. I kinda left without thinking about it." I left my room again. I found his clothes folded in the laundry room. Mom had washed them for me. I grabbed them and ran them back up to Terrin.
He took them from me and pulled them on. I must admit I was a little disappointed he was covered again. But I had his image burned into my memory. After asking if anyone would mind him going shirtless, he kept his shirt off. I decided to do the same--so he didn't feel strange about doing it. But then, did anything make Terrin feel strange?
I told him dinner would be don't in about twenty minutes. Terrin suggested a quick wrestling match. My mind turned immediately to the dream I had.
"No," I said just a little too forcefully.
He looked at me upset. "Is something wrong?"
"No. I--just don't feel very well since yesterday." Again I hated lying to him. I hurt inside when I had to deceive him, but I just couldn't make an opportunity where I would be found out.
"Well. Show me around your house, then. I've only been on a path from your living room to your room. I never even bothered to look around before." I thought that was a safe idea and ushered him out into the hall.
Starting upstairs I walked him through like a professional guide. First I started on the closest thing--the hall we were in. I told him about each Celtic painting hanging on the wall. There was ten of them. They ranged from warriors of old, ancient castles and famous sites, to odd art with a series of intertwining Celtic knots. The color most dominate in most was green. He was really fascinated with them and from the brightness in his eyes, I knew he had an eye for good art.
We skipped over my parent's room, and went on to the office. This was the door after my parents room. This was my dad's office, though he never forbidden me to come in. In fact he liked when I spent time with him asking him about his work. It was done it black. Even the desktop computer was black. I couldn't fire it up because it was password protected, but I did tell him details about it's performance. The meager art in here consisted of gold vases and tiny gold-painted sculptures. Terrin thought it nice, and told me about how his future office would look.
After that I showed him the upstairs bathroom, done in a sea scheme. The walls were done in an underwater scene with some small fish and sea plants. The toilet was a turquoise, with a shell-shaped cover. The bathtub was shell-shaped too and somewhat bigger than a normal sized tub. Terrin made a comment about it would be fun taking a bath in it--and pointed out that two people could easily fit in it. I didn't comment on that.
Next we went downstairs. We was first in the living room. Mom had black leather furniture. The coffee table had a large mirror set in it--the end tables resembled that, except on a much smaller scale. Terrin was quite taken with the entertainment center. I had to stop him from blasting the stereo since my father was home. Mom usually didn't mind, but it was an evening hour and took late now. We had one of those wide screen tvs that are supposed to be like the movie I guess. He grinned, saying he had one too. Then the vcr and DVD player was stacked on each other, and digital cable set up. Mom didn't want a satellite because it caused too many problems. My ps2 was hidden behind a cabinet with sliding doors.
I got bored with the living room and brought him to the dining room. There was a crystal chandelier hanging. He thought that was cool. I showed him my mom's china cabinet and her knick-knack cabinet. He looked at all the figurines and was quite taken with the detail and work put into the wizard figures. He was blown away when I told him my mom designed them herself. The table had six chairs--though we rarely used them and it was a matching set of cherry oak. Mom and dad sat at the head and I sat on the side in a chair closest to mom. He marveled at landscape pictures and the rug for a second and we moved on. He already seen the dining room from when he ate here before.
We went into the kitchen and mom gave us a curious look as I showed him around. She laughed when I started talking in my mock tour guide speech.
"What are you doing, Julian?" She questioned, mirth dancing in her eyes.
"I'm giving him the grand tour. After the kitchen we only got the downstairs bathroom and we're just gonna skip laundry room."
"So--what do you think of the house so far, Terrin?" She waited eagerly since she decorated everything she possibly could.
"It's amazing. Some of the art is incredible. I wouldn't mind studying them for hours. I was quite taken with your knick-knack collection. Your work is very good." He said this all in a more-than-usual polite tone.
Of course my mom was taken with him and his compliments--so much that she put her arm around his shoulder and started telling him about the kitchen. After that she brought him back to the dining room to talk more about her work. She left me to watch dinner. I could only stare after them, wondering if I should laugh, or be offended that she whisked him away from me. I stirred the spaghetti noodles and occasionally looked up at them. They were avidly talking away, both in a whole other world. I smiled then, at them. At least my mom approved of him.
Then I saw Terrin say something to her and they both looked up at me and smiled. Then she said something back to him. He nodded and said a lot more to her. I couldn't hear anything! What were they saying about me! I was tempted to forget dinner and demand what they were talking about but decided against it. I would just ask Terrin later.
The spaghetti was done and I was almost ashamed by interrupting them. But Terrin was hungry and at least I would get more of his time, however much shared it would be.
Mom came and took the food from my hands and hummed as if I hadn't been watching dinner all this time and she was. I shook my head and walked to get some dishes to set the table.
The spaghetti was excellent. Terrin commented on how good the meatballs were in particular and they exchanged a smile. Terrin gave me a mischievous glance. What the hell was going on. I raised my brow inquiringly but he just continued talking to mom and dad.
Mom wouldn't let me do dishes again and hustled me out the kitchen when I offered. Terrin and I went to my room.
"What were you guys talking about me?" I asked a little peeved.
"Now, now. It's strictly confidential." He smiled. I was getting sick of that.
I groaned and lunged at him. He smiled and caught me, swinging me around and slamming me on the bed. I stopped moving and pretended to be hurt. It's amazing how fast he turned from Terrin-the-playful to Terrin-the-serious.
"Shit! Did I hurt you, tough guy? Come on, say something." He went to shake me and I sprung on him, knocking him to the floor. I was sitting on his stomach holding his arms. He was laughing too hard to say anything.
"Come on--tell me!" I yelled at him. He stopped laughing and looked at me. Then he quite easily lifted his arms and me with them. He pushed me up and got up.
"Thought you had me, didn't you?" I leapt at him again and he grabbed me and slammed me on the bed. He climbed on me and pinned me under him. He held me and got real close to my face. "You give?" I squirmed under him, realizing I unknowingly started a type of wrestling match.
His deep blue eyes bore into mine, holding me paralyzed. They were so deep I was lost in them. I was losing control again. No! I struggled and in my fear of losing control I got strength and rolled him off me.
Then I sat looking away from him, panting. That was too close. In that moment our eyes were locked, I felt a sea of emotions. It took hardly any effort at all to drown my will. Terrin's magnetism and charming nature had me caught there. I felt so helpless, but at the same time I wanted it.
Terrin sat behind me, leaning back on his hands. "You all right?" I nodded my head and got up.
"I'll be back." I said without looking at him. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I cried myself silly on the bathtub edge, the question of what he said about me totally forgotten.
Why? Why can't I control myself around him. The more I'm with him the more I feel for him. Everything about him makes me lose it. It wasn't as if I was horny. It was way beyond that. It was like my soul wouldn't be complete unless I was with him. His eyes spoke volumes to me. Though I couldn't read him like I could mostly everyone else, he let me see a lot of myself. Particularly that it was doomed from the beginning to even think I could just forget about him and go on with life. I was afraid I would emotionally lose it if I was apart from him much longer.
Images of Terrin came to my mind. His more than striking looks were enough for anyone to immediately like him. That black hair and unnaturally blues eyes, that seemed to be able to read everything no matter how hard you tried to hide it. But looking at him--I didn't 'want' to hide it. I wanted to confess my... love? He was so strong, yet so gentle. And him--his personality--he was just too much. All my time with him and being close to him came flooding back and broke the damn again.
Tears flowed anew and it took some time for this to end. I washed my face with water. That way it didn't look like I was crying. I looked in the mirror and amazingly my eyes were not red, though in place of before was a sadness that wasn't there--or rather not as evident.
I composed myself and walked into the room. Terrin was laying on the bed and smiled at me when I came in. Then it faded when he saw my eyes.
"What's wrong, tough guy?" He asked pulling himself up in concern.
"I was thinking about before I moved." I lied.
"Care to tell me about it?"
"No--not now. Maybe not ever. I don't know--depends."
"Well, whenever you feel like talking, remember I'm here.
Damn. Did he have to be so damn nice. He was perfect. I saw nothing wrong with him. I cooled my anger. No reason taking it out on him. That's what I love about him anyway.
His eyes stared at me for a minute then he nodded. He leaned back and quietly thought about something. I sat in my computer chair and just waited. After some time he got up and suggested we watch a movie. I agreed and followed him downstairs like an automaton.
I sat somewhat away from him and he gave me a assessing look and let it go. We watched three movies on paper-per-view and ate some chips. I didn't talk much and only then it was to answer a question or comment of his.
After that we played some video games. I brought my PS2 downstairs to play on the widescreen. I got into imagining my fighter as me, beating up some old 'friends'. I took a little heart in how much I won. Then we played biking and I couldn't concentrate enough to pull my tricks off, and I had the best bike I could get.
After that Terrin turned the game off and turned to me. He watched me for some time, not saying anything, then sighed.
"Look, I know that something is bothering you more than you let on. It's rubbing off on me. I don't like to see you like this. I didn't imagine my spending the night would be so gloomy. You beat my guys with a vengeance, you totally screw up at a game I know you have to be good at to have gotten the highest bike. And you've been quiet all night." Then he stopped and thought. "Did I do something to you?" He asked.
"Yes--no! It's not you. I just don't want to talk about it. Can you just let it drop for now. If I wanted to talk about it I would. I'm not--so I don't want to." I immediately felt bad after saying all that. It was too late though. Before I could say anything, Terrin stood.
"I can't handle your feeling sorry for yourself. If you can't trust me to be here for you--I can't force you. I'm going to bed and you can just mope down here all night." He turned and walked off, taking the stairs two at a time. I watched him disappear around the corner. The hurt I felt for what I said and what he said stung like cuts in alcohol.
I stood up and walked up the stairs slowly. Terrin had the lights out and had his eyes closed like he was sleeping. I suppose that meant I shouldn't bother him. I crawled in the other side and faced the opposite way of him.
I laid up in bed long after I heard the familiar deep breathing that meant Terrin was sleeping. I sighed and tried to get some sleep. I felt scared and helpless around Terrin now. Though I loved him, I was scared of what might happen.
I fell into another fitful sleep. This time it was nightmares of a different nature. Terrin was crying uncontrollably. There was a dead body of a girl. Then there was a bird that fell out the sky, the wings broke off. Then I saw a lot of blue that I could make out waves after a moment. It was water. Lots of water. Then there was no more.
I woke up less that rested from last night. I thought about what I saw for a second. It was gray out. The sun struggling in vain to peek past the clouds.
I looked over and saw Terrin on my computer. Damn I shouldn't keep it on all the time. But oddly I didn't care what he read. I walked over to him and he turned to me with sympathy. He was reading 'Despair' that I wrote the other night. Then I saw the closed window of 'If you only knew'. Tears rolled down my face anew.
"Oh, damn. Julian I never expected--I had no idea." Then he grabbed me and crushed me to his chest. I cried in his chest and he rocked me back and forth, comforting me.
"Shh. It's all right. I'm here for you. I will always be here for you." Well it was out and he knew. He didn't care. I cried for before. I cried for the trouble his school year. I cried because of my feelings for him. I cried because he didn't care. He held me until I was all cried out. Then I sat down and told him the story of before I moved here. How I was outted and the trouble it caused.
He looked at me differently. A determined look on his face. What was he thinking? What would happen next? I waited to see.