Strength Because of You

You all know the drill with the disclaimer thing so I shouldn't have to repeat myself. Thanks everyone who emailed me with encouragement about my story, I'm glad you like it. Here is part 3b.

Copyright: The author retains all copyrights of this material. Any reproduction and distribution for money is strictly forbidden. The author give permission to post his story elsewhere on the web as long as the material stays completely intact and the author name appears on the material. If you are not sure if what you want to do is breaking copyright or not, please contact the author and ask for whatever it is. Thank you.

*** This chapter is largely unchanged. Memories as time goes by can become inaccurate or something very different from what happened. The childish 'air' and inconsistencies can be attributed to Julian age and way he rememered what happened.***

Strength Because Of You By Daven

Chapter 3b - Memories

"Oh, god Julian. I never thought--didn't suspect." Then he grabbed me and hugged me with ferocity I never knew. I cried in his shoulder and he rocked back and forth, comforting me. Well it was out and he knew. He didn't care. I cried for before. I cried for the trouble his school year. I cried because of my feelings for him. I cried because he didn't care. He held me until I was all cried out. Then I sat down and told him the story of before I moved here. How I was outted and the trouble it caused.

He looked at me differently. A determined look on his face. What was he thinking? What would happen next? I waited to see.

Julian's lungs felt like the were on fire. Each gasp of air he fought into his lungs came in sharp, painful breaths. The air he 'was' taking in hardly seemed enough to sustain him. The finish line was only a bit more far away, and he was using just about everything to make it there first. So far the rest of the runners were a couple feet behind him and he was sure he would make it. Just a little more to go.

His feet kept running while his mind spurred him on. You can do it. You can make it. Come on, Julian. Just a little more. Then you'll be first. Then out the corner of his eye he saw Jason running up and matching speed with him. Damn!

Jason was the top runner for H.V.C. Junior High. H.V.C was Pleasant-Valley Junior High's long time rivals at everything. Sports, Academics, and even school functions. H.V.C. had beaten Pleasant-Valley in track for twenty years. And they were about to do it again. Jason picked up a little more speed and was carried a little farther ahead of Julian, a conceited grin plastered on his face. The bastard knew he won and was taunting Julian. It wasn't fair! They couldn't win again. Julian filled with anger. Then an amazing thing happened. Some new burst of energy from somewhere Julian didn't know existed fed into him and he was running faster. He caught back up to Jason, who looked on in incredulous shock. Then Julian was past him. Julian felt the thin tape snap as his body hurtled through the finish line. He'd done it. He really done it.

He came to a stop and tried to catch his breath. He was so tired he almost wasn't aware of the din going on around him. Everyone on the bleachers for Pleasant-Valley were standing and roaring with passion. The very track field rumbled beneath Julian's feet from the onslaught of cheering. Julian looked and felt tears run down his cheek and the realization fully sunk in. After twenty years, they'd done it. His team came crashing towards him yelling with fierce pride. They picked him up off his feet and propped him up high for the whole field to see. The cheering got even louder. They walked him off the field.

They coach had a talk with him. He was so happy, like a kid that had found a new toy. He just couldn't keep the pride and general good feeling out his face. When coach talked to the other's team's coach he practically rubbed it in the poor guy's face. But Julian didn't care. He was the hero. He was too elated to really know what was going on around him.

He showered, for once oblivious to the hot naked male flesh around him showering too. He talked when spoken too but his mind was too busy to contribute anything by himself. He finished and got dressed and grabbed his things. The coach said that there would be a pool party tomorrow at his house and that Julian especially had better be there or else. Of course he would be.

Shaun, Julian's best friend caught up to him as he walked out. He stepped into pace with him, matching him step for step. He was grinning from ear to ear, but he wasn't saying anything. Julian thought maybe Shaun was giving him a little more digest time. He didn't need it now. He wanted to talk. Just as he was about to say something, Shaun spoke.

"You were great man! I can't believe how you whooped their ass." He gave Julian and five. They walked and talked to Julian's mom's car. She was waiting all excited. To Julian's dismay, she made a real big show of affection and congratulations. Julian blushed and said all right already.

"I'm making your favorite tonight--lasagna. My little champion deserves nothing less." She was more ecstatic than Julian was about winning. You'd think she was the one who won the race instead. Shaun came over and visited for a while. They played Julian's playstation. Tony Hawk's Underground. Shaun was good in it, but Julian still beat him easily. Not many of his friend's could match him in pure skill. The problem was, they all tended to try and do tricks by the book. Memorizing the tricks did nothing at all for you. Sure you'd be able to pull the trick you want off. But the more you concentrated on what you wanted to do and how, the less tricks you go in. Julian just did different combos and they worked. Most of his tricks landed with over fifteen thousand points for him. Shaun was a very good loser--he didn't even get mad.

After that they watched a movie. Save The Last Dance. It was a good movie. Julian just loved how well the girl performed towards the end. The transition from white girl, to white girl trying to be black was cool. That dance that got her into the school was hot--not all ballet like. It was a lot better than the start. Shaun looked like he was enjoying it too. When it was over he got up and tried catching himself dancing. Julian joined in. They passed the time joking and playing. One move he did was just too funny, and Julian tripped in mid-move and fell on the floor laughing at him. He turned this really cute shade of red and stopped. Boy! Julian wished he could kiss him. Shaun was so cute with his buzz-cut brown hair and those deep brown eyes. The light lit them up like little brown crystal pools. And his smile was very contagious.

The time passed quickly and Julian's mom was calling them down to eat. Julian thoroughly enjoyed the dinner and ate it quickly. His mom praised him nearly the whole dinner. It wasn't 'that' much now; what he did. She was making him feel weird keeping on about it and all. Finally dinner was done and Julian offered to do the dishes. She shooed him out the kitchen and reprimanded him for even thinking such a thought. It was his time, she said. He better enjoy this little victory pleasantry. He did.

Practically everyone patted Julian on the back and congratulated him on his victory. The win was common news among the school now. Everybody practically knew about it. Girls Julian didn't even know gave him hugs and tried to hang around him. He didn't let that part happen, but he accepted the hugs. It seemed like more girls were trying to flirt with him. They were so superficial. It drew him and repulsed him at the same time. Isn't this what he wanted--liked? To be popular was everything in school.

Trying to eat lunch was next to impossible. Everyone always got riled up when one of the jocks from any of the teams, won something. That was the way of the school. It was like a mindless adoration of the jocks, but that only happened when they won. Any other time it's just normal popularity at it's call.

Julian gave up on lunch--nothing good anyway--and just talked. It was hard to keep under control when there was a lot of people around constantly reminding you what you did, and talking about it like it was the biggest thing to hit the world. It was bound to rub off on him again and he was chatting away with the rest of them. It was with reluctance everyone split up after lunch for his or her next class.

Even then it wasn't a total dismantling of people he knew. His next class had some of his friends in it and they were scolded more than once about talking while the teacher was talking. It was halfhearted, like even the teachers were proud. They probably were, but that wasn't going to let them dodge the bullet for long. Julian finally got them to shut up.

After school was the same thing, except the topic wasn't all the other night's win. Since practically all his friends already talked to him and said 'something' about it, normal topics of conversation found their way increasingly into the discussion. Some boys and girls stared at Julian and his flock of friends leaving the school. There was no practice today for him so he got to go straight home. Well leave the school when it ended at least. Julian didn't recognize any of them. They must have not been too popular. Not with the 'in' crowd anyway. He smiled just the same. Once Julian stuttered and his conversation cut off when a nonchalant smile elicited a deep smile from a sandy-blond boy. If it seemed like any normal smile it wouldn't had bothered him, but his deep smile held some hidden meaning behind the boy's eyes. Julian found himself intrigued and curious as the same time.

He didn't get to go straight home. He never did. He was herded to the mall straight from school. He was glad he left his backpack in school, or he'd be carrying it all around now. They saw a movie and ate, and to his insistence that he had to go home when those were through, they made him go to the arcade. He didn't think his mother would mind. He'd just tell her it was a little 'friend' celebration. Julian was also startled to realize his thoughts were drifting to that kid from earlier. He couldn't help but think the boy was cute. He'd look for him in school tomorrow, if his friends ever let him alone to do it. They finally conceded to let Julian go home. He thanked them ever so kindly for allowing him to go and they split up. Shaun walked home with him.

The next day found Julian looking for that boy. It was hard because someone Julian knew was always stopping him in the hall to tell him something tid-bit or another. He didn't get very much chance to look.

It was lunch already and there was no sign of the boy. Julian entertained the thought that the boy was just his imagination or some secret the school had, hiding the death of a boy at some point in it's history. That was just absent daydreaming. Julian noticed he was smiling big to himself--then he also noticed that the boy was smiling back at him. Julian jumped startled when he realized someone was standing there. He grabbed his chest and commented about how a boy shouldn't creep up on someone and scare him like that. The boy said he was Jeremy.

Julian had no need to tell him his name it seemed. Jeremy already knew--wonder how that was--and said he saw all of Julian's competitions. Julian wasn't surprised he never saw him. With all the people that turned out at them, more than half he hardly got a good look at.

Julian brought Jeremy to sit with him in lunch, introducing him around the table to the curious glances Jeremy got--and that was mostly needlessly. It seemed Jeremy seen or knew about a lot of them, without them knowing about him. The boy in the background that watched while nobody knew. No on found this strange and everyone was talking incessantly after that.

It was funny. You could take someone that isn't in the 'in' crowd and spends their school life dreaming of being in it, take someone who is in it, and have them bring them in, and it was like everyone knew him for life. It was only a matter of time where the ex-outcrowder didn't even need his patron incrowder to stick with the crowd. A lot of inners were recruited that way. That was just a little piece of the student politics.

They all split up after lunch and went on their ways to their own classes. Jeremy would meet Julian after school.

The rest of the day went by quick and soon the bell was ringing Julian was zipping out the room. Jeremy met him at his locker. Julian told him he had practice while sticking his things in the locker, and if Jeremy wanted to hang out with the gang--some of them--or come over after school, he would have to wait for him to finish.

Jeremy went out to the field to wait. Soon the track team was filing out the gym locker room doors in different concentration of numbers. Julian noticed Jeremy on the bleachers and acknowledged him, and then rigorous training began. There was warm up, then lots of jogging, and then running, and then they were doing other track practices. They finished up with a warm-down jog.

Julian trudged his sweating body into the locker room. He wasn't really tired. He was used to the abuse the body went through with running. Some of the other jocks would argue that track wasn't so hard as football or some other 'physical' sport, but they didn't constantly run and run and use their body in different strength exercises to improve themselves. Though he wasn't saying it was so harder, just not as easy as they made it out to be. He didn't envy the jocks getting run down and roughly crushed to the ground--well not till one of Julian's more better looking football friend's did something sexy or a move where Julian wished he were in the place, nothing too brutal though.

Julian's taste went that way more. He'd rather admire some of the football players than more of the boys on the track team. The physical power and abuse they put themselves through was intriguing and somewhat of a turn-on. Julian wasn't a pain freak; he only had hot muscles football jocks on his mind. It was only modified football and they weren't nearly as big as some of the high schoolers Julian saw, but they were cute--some--and they played on their school's field. Julian couldn't wait till next year when he was actually in high school.

He finished his shower and met Jeremy outside. They walked up to get this things from his locker and left. Mostly everyone had things to do after practice so Julian just invited Jeremy over. He'd show his mom the new recruit.

Jeremy liked his house and his mom. He was the image of good manners there; Julian snickered at him. He brought him up to see his room and that's where they spent most the time. Julian told Jeremy about modified wrestling. Jeremy was interested. He never seen Julian wrestled. That sparked a wrestling match where Julian had him easily pinned and was holding him down, grinning and telling him how he accomplished that. Then Julian found himself staring intently in Jeremy's eyes. They were a pale blue. They smiled up at him and he felt his heart flutter.

Julian caught himself and got up. There was a moment of silence and Jeremy smiled. Julian's mom called them down for dinner. Of course the question of if Jeremy could stay or not never occurred to her. Of course she didn't mind; she fed practically everyone that came through her house like a mother hen fretting over her chicks. All Julian's friends loved his mother and her cooking. No one was home at Jeremy's house and it was all right for him to eat here. Otherwise he'd just be eating something ordered out.

Julian's mom had her usual million questions to anyone new in her walls, and Julian found it interesting since most of it he didn't know himself. After a great dinner, and Julian's mom kicking him out the kitchen at the suggestion of doing dished, Julian left smiling. They played some playstation and then Jeremy left.

It had been months since first meeting Jeremy. Time seemed to pass by too fast. He was among the popular crowd now--that he started talking with more people. It was amazing how hard it was to be "in" among these people, unless you were from the beginning. Well unless you became jock and started hanging tight with the other jocks.

Julian looked up into the dark gloomy sky. The cold air was crisp as it touched his face, flying off to touch the ends of the world. It would probably snow tonight. That was gloomy since it was still only late fall. He was among the elite of the school, he had a great season in track, and now wrestling was here and he was doing well. So far he was undefeated. Although he should have been happy, he wasn't.

It was getting increasingly depressing watching all the boys get girlfriends, gloating about what she'd let him do, and just being happy. Of course they asked him why he didn't have a girlfriend and he was able to talk his way out of it with some excuse or another--they never questioned him. The only male friend who didn't have a girlfriend was Jeremy. It wasn't as if either boy were lacking for girls who were interested. But Julian was gay, and Jeremy... well... he just was whatever. He wasn't gay though.

Julian wished he could have a boyfriend. It was a comforting thought to have, someone to be with. He had turned fourteen already, he wasn't so childish anymore to think that kind of thing undesirable.

It was another bitter thought that even if he did have a boyfriend, he wouldn't be able to be with him around people. He would be able to tell about all the stuff they did. How good his boyfriend was. It wasn't fair.

Tiny crystals of snow started falling lazily from the sky. A soft flake touching his nose brought him back into the world again. He looked around. The snow drifted lightly, being carried as the mercy of the wind. He became aware of how cold it was out. The house warmth sounded inviting.

He ran up the steps into the house. The heat from the living room wrapped around him like an invisible blanket. Julian felt the chill drain from his tired body. His mother was cooking dinner; he just passed by the kitchen and up to his room.

It was people like him that were cursed. They were meant not to be happy for the sin they committed. Well that's what the church would say, but he didn't buy into that. To him, the church was just a way for some power hungry men from way back then, to have power over people. It was quite brilliant too. Can have more power than the monarch himself if they said the creator said whatever. Julian wasn't religious just because they condemned gays to hell for being what they had no choice but to be.

Julian laid on his bed an turned the radio on. He laid back and listened to the beat while daydreaming. He went through a fantasy world where Jeremy was gay and was his boyfriend. He thought out in vivid detail some things they would do. He almost felt guilty for thinking about Jeremy like that, but god he was special.

Maybe it was the gloom outside. Or maybe it was the soothing warmth of the room. Whatever it was, it made Julian fall asleep and dream. Jeremy was in it. And then a little more of Jeremy. And--oh--what a dirty subconscious mind he had. Julian was aware of his dream and just let it flow. Then a large noise woke him up.

Julian sat straight up in bed and looking around like a startled deer. His eyes came to rest on Jeremy standing in the bedroom doorway. He walked over and plopped himself on the bed next to Julian.

"What're doing sleeping?" He leaned back onto the bed and--did I imagine that! Did he just inhale my scent? It was a light intake of breath. It had to just be his imagination. Jeremy turned her head towards Julian and just looked. After a moment he got uncomfortable.

"What?" Julian questioned. "Why are you just staring?"

Jeremy smiled. "You're eyes nice." He said simply. Julian felt his flash flush. Jeremy liked that and his smile grew. "Anyone ever tell you are cute as hell when you blush?" He laughed as the red turned a deeper scarlet.

"You're gay." It was more of a statement than question. Julian was flustered. Jeremy smiled and just rolled over, draping part of his body--which was really great; he filled out a lot since joining wrestling--across Julian. His eyes caught Julian and then he bent to kiss Julian. Just as his lips was about to touch Julian's, the door burst open.

"Hey, Juli--shit!" Jeremy's head snapped up and he pulled himself off Julian, trying to make it like it never happened. Of course it was a little too late. Shaun's face was unreadable. Then Julian watched Shaun's hands clench into fist. "You dirty fag. What the hell you thinking making a pass at my friend." Jeremy had jumped to the floor and was holding his hands out in front of him, shaking his head that it wasn't like that. Shaun was across the floor in two strides and he punched Jeremy in the mouth. Shaun was the best and strongest wrestler on the team; to be hit by him had to hurt. Jeremy looked up holding his nose. Tears was streaming down his cheeks, and blood was leaking between clenched fingers.

Julian jumped up and ran between them. "Shaun! Stop! He's a friend for Christ sake, what's wrong with you?" Shaun's face registered shock.

"What? You're siding with him? It's all ri--you're a fag too? God, Julian." His fists open up and he sigh exasperated. "I can't believe he turned my best friend gay." He glared knives at Jeremy. "I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed that you let it happen." With that he walked out the door. Julian stood there stunned until the bang of the door downstairs brought him back to what was happening. Jeremy stood up. He looked at Julian, the previous mirth a distant memory.

"I'm sorry Julian. I-I didn't mean for that to happen. I should've never have tried that." He pulled his hand away from his nose. "God it hurts? I never thought anything like this would happen when I first met you. I'll be less than a nobody at school now."

Julian didn't know what to say to that. "Come on, Jeremy. Let's get you cleaned up." Jeremy glanced at Julian fleetingly. There was a hint of thankfulness in his eyes that Julian didn't turn on him when Shaun did.

Julian flicked on the bathroom light and instructed Jeremy to have a seat on the toilet. When he wet a washcloth though Jeremy tried to take it from him to clean himself. Julian smacked his hand away with an annoyed gesture. He began to carefully wipe Jeremy's face. Julian's eyes softened when Jeremy winced. Tears welled up in Jeremy's eyes, threatening to burst.

"I-Is what Shaun said true? Are you gay." Jeremy's voice was just a whisper.

"Yea--but it's not because of you." Julian's voice was a little too forceful. He was still angry with Shaun. He was supposed to be his best friend. "I knew that I am gay for a while now--long before I met you in any case."

Jeremy didn't say anything. He just sat there quietly to himself. Julian almost wished he would say something--anything. Julian was finished cleaning his face.

"It's done." He stated. "There is no bruising." Jeremy heard the unspoken part, 'surprisingly'. Jeremy still didn't say anything, whenever Julian tried to meet his eyes, he would turn away.

"Dammit, Jeremy! Don't do that! I like you, and I'm sorry you got hurt. I wanted you to kiss me just as much as you wanted to do it." Jeremy looked at him quickly, but turned away again. Julian had enough. He grabbed Jeremy and turned his face to him, fighting Jeremy's protest. His lips met Jeremy's softly. Then he turned his face a little for their lips to meet more firmly. Jeremy let out a last moan of protest that turned into something else entirely. God, his lips were so soft.

Julian broke the kiss and looked at Jeremy. Pale blue eyes stared at his own, trying to read Julian.

"I don't want anything to happen to you because of me. Maybe... I should--"

"God!" Julian snapped. Jeremy recoiled from Julian's outburst. "Jeremy. I'm fourteen--the same as you--and you are sitting here trying to protect me. I'm not fragile glass that will break under pressure. And I'm not the kind that will sit back and let someone he likes try taking everything onto his shoulders alone. What happened--happened. We can't change that. But if you think I'm going to sit here and listen to you say what you know you wanted as much as me was wrong in any way, you don't know me very well after these past months. Now stop playing the hero and protector. Whatever happens, it us together. Besides, Shaun would never do anything to hurt me."

Jeremy looked as if he wanted to smile and cry at the same time. He finally chose smile and Julian pulled him in and their lips met again. Without any prompting, Jeremy's tongue touched Julian's lips and he parted them. Jeremy pushed Julian back on the bed and kissed him as if Julian was his life's essence that couldn't be parted with.

Julian never imagined how good someone else's tongue could feel in his mouth. Shivers of pleasure went through him, making his head buzz with a blissful feeling. It wasn't really Jeremy's tongue that was giving him the feeling--though that had more than a little to do with it--it was the fact that he was kissing a boy at all, let alone someone like Jeremy. It was the fact that Julian was kissing his next best friend, under Shaun, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

They finally broke and Jeremy was grinning at Julian, pale-blue eyes mirroring the feeling. "Did anyone ever tell you are a great kisser?" Jeremy asked. He was absently tracing Julian's lower lip with his finger. Ever so lightly touching him--it tickled.

"Just how many people have you done it with to know--not counting girls."

Jeremy's eyes twinkled at Julian. He always knew when Jeremy was in a good mood, just from how his eyes sparkled. He didn't think he ever saw Jeremy in anything less than enjoyable mood.

"Just one--you. And no girls. Not really kissing anyway; no tongue." His smile grew. "But I don't care anyway. I'm glad it was you who I did it with first."

Jeremy leaned down and kissed just Julian's lower lip. You know how erotic that is? It's like what you see in the movies and dream you have. Jeremy had it perfect. He must be a natural kisser.

Julian grabbed a cereal bar on his way out, yelling to his mom he would see her later. He hopped on his bike and whizzed out the yard. It didn't take long to get to school from where he lived.

Jeremy was waiting outside, an unheard of frown on his face. He pulled Julian aside where they couldn't be seen easily. He looked around then sighed. From the look on his face, it had to be serious.

"Julian, they know?" Jeremy whispered. Though he sounded calm, Julian knew there was fear there though.

"What do you mean?" It was obvious enough, but Julian didn't want to believe. Shaun wouldn't have told, would he? Obviously he did if everyone knew.

"At least three people called me 'fag' since I've been here. Four times that many stare and giggle or worse. Shaun had to have told them."

"I can't believe it. I can't believe he would do that to me." Julian stopped. "To 'us'."

"Well it was clear he had no love for me after yesterday. The bloody face clued me into that. But I heard your name mentioned with mine. It's not just me." Jeremy looked around worriedly as if someone would jump out and attack them any second.

"Fag! What're you looking at? Lusting after my cock no doubt." A boy sneered. "Well you'll never have this." He palmed his dick and shook it for emphasis. Julian somehow hoped that it wasn't as bad as Jeremy said, but after this there was no doubt. He got away quickly.

Julian wondered how Jeremy was holding out. What would people be saying to him? The same thing no doubt. Julian's anger flared. What a school. One minute you are so popular and people think you're great, and in the next they stomp on you as if you were the lowest scum in the school.

Class was a little different. Mr. Connors tolerated no discrimination or hostility in his class. No one could openly say what they wanted, but they didn't stop thinking it, and the staring and giggling was almost as bad. Some looked with open disgust. Julian just bore with it. It only got worse.

Julian sought Shaun out during lunch. He was sitting in their normal spot eating and chatting with everybody. Everyone stopped talking and looked up when Julian approached.

"Hey, Jules." Shaun said.

"Can I--" Julian was cut off.

"You can't sit here Julian. We don't want our space tainted by queers."

"Hey! That's uncalled for. Julian isn't a fag. Just that bastard Jeremy." Shaun voice cracked like a whip.

"Well, anyway, Julian is hanging tight with him. What are we supposed to think? Why else would a boy hang with a fag unless he is queer too?" That was Don.

"Listen to you guys. We've known Julian practically all our lives; most of us, and you sit here and accuse him of being a fag. Don't you think you would've noticed sooner if he was?" Shaun trying to defend him was admirable, but the fact was, Julian was gay. And what he said about Jeremy had him seething. He couldn't believe the sudden hostility. No one seemed to care if he got in a word edgewise.

"So Julian, you gay or not?" Don asked. That was the first time any of them used a less insulting term for it.

"I can't fucking believe you bastards. So quick to turn on me and you didn't even ask me if I'm gay--"

"We're asking you now," Don cut in. Julian went on as if there weren't any interruptions.

"--And you sit here and condemn me. You guys are so shit-faced. If I have to prove myself to you, go to hell. I'm not hanging with a bunch of bastards that hate on people so much. You're a bunch of discriminating homophobes. I'm leaving." Julian stalked off to Shaun yelling for him to wait. He didn't listen though. Julian couldn't believe he was ever a part of that group.

He stalked into the hall and met Jeremy. His face was grim and those blue eyes of his were dead. They held no emotion, not even sadness or fear.

"Julian--I'm sorry." Jeremy said, falling in step with Julian. They left the school and went outside before Julian said anything.

"Don't be, Jere. I told you there was nothing we could do. Shaun blamed it all on you. The others made me guilty by association. Though they were willing to accept me if I said I wasn't gay. If I blamed it all on you. I wouldn't do that. Not for all the popularity in the world. Friends aren't like that. I thought more of Shaun. Though he defended me till I left, he blamed it all on you. I didn't know he could be so... such an idiot. Come on, I'm going home."

"No on is home at my house. We can chill there." Julian nodded and they went to get their bikes. They rode to Jeremy's in silence.

Julian rode home by himself after it was a good enough hour to be out of school. He was lost in thoughts about the day's events. He didn't know he could be so sickened by people's actions.

He didn't notice Don crossing the street. He didn't notice him until Don stepped in front of the slow moving bike and grabbed the handlebars, stopping Julian.

"Well, I guess I guess I know the answer to what I asked you earlier. Who would've thought the track star was a filthy fag. God my stomach turns thinking about how I was naked in front of you in the locker room--how any of us were. To know your disgusting eyes were slowly scanning our bodies. All the diabolical graphic thought floating through that pretty little queer head of yours."

"Oh wow, you have a passing knowledge of higher vocabulary. Gee, whiz, if you had any real brains in that 'pretty' little head of yours, you wouldn't be using them while trying to rib on me. That's real tacky ya know. And this 'pretty little head' of mine. Are we sure you're not the fag here. The way you were just looking at me, that look of longing, it makes you wonder. Aww... are you jealous of what Jeremy has that you can't." Don laughed.

"Queer to the core you are. Don't get your hopes up though; I'm not a cocksucking faggot. But thanks for telling me the truth. Now that you said it with your own mouth, I wonder what your best friend Shaun will think. Oh, I guess you have a new best friend... with privileges. Where is that little slut of yours--Jeremy?"

Julian balled his fist and swung as hard as he could. A sick squishing sound turned his stomach. Don grabbed his nose, seeing there was blood flowing, he jumped on Jeremy. Don was a basketball player and had nothing on Julian. Julian used Don's momentum to reverse Don and slam him on the ground. Don got in one punch before Julian started taking all his anger out on Don. Don never was too pretty, but he would be less so for a while.

Julian left Don panting on the ground. He touched his split lip gingerly as not to hurt it. Well that wasn't too bad. He grabbed his bike and kicked Don for good measures and rode off.

"This isn't over, fag!" Don shouted to Julian back.

"What happened, Julian?" Jeremy touched Julian's lip lightly. It had a dark spilt where the blood dried. Julian felt himself get angry. He hadn't seen Jeremy's smile in a while. His eyes didn't hold that beautiful glow as before. Julian didn't know all of what happened to Jeremy. He wasn't always around. It had to be just as bad if not worse, for being newer.

"Don. He got a hit in before I made him wish the ground would open up and take him in. He didn't look too good the last time I saw him. All bloody gore you know." Jeremy frowned. "He said a lot of stuff! I didn't mind him calling me all those names, it didn't hurt me none. But then he started on you. I saw red. Sue me for it." Jeremy shook his head and they began walking.

"How much worse is it going to get before it ends--if it ends?" It wasn't a question. Jeremy sighed.

Gym took Julian's mind away from think for a while. Though not as thoroughly as he would like. The boys were being extremely rough with him, which he didn't care too much about; it was just a reason for him to take some heat out on them.

It was a group of sore boys that sought the locker room after gym. If they thought Julian would be an easy target, they found out differently. They hadn't thought on getting the same rough treatment. Even then, though, the sore, stiffness of his body was somewhat of a relief. Concentrating on the pain cut his mind off from other thoughts.

He grabbed his combination lock and started to put in the first number, when next thing he knew, someone had his shirt and tore him away from the locker. He gagged and tried to stop his collar from strangling him. Then he was up against the lockers opposite of his.

"You just had to look for trouble, huh queer? Well you got it now." Julian didn't know these guys, but he saw Don walk up. Without the blood on him he didn't look too bad off. Just a double split lip, a bruised nose and a black eye. He smiled sadistically at Julian.

Two boys had Julian's arms and the rest took turns beating on him. They had stuffed a dirty sock into his mouth to stop him from yelling out. Julian lost count of the kicks and punches his body took. After some time Julian's mind drifted. He was well aware of the pain, but it seemed to be happening to someone else. Even then it went on seemingly for an eternity. Then Don charged his shoulder into Julian's stomach. They let him go just as he connected. Julian's body went doubled and he fell to the floor, to weak to hold himself up.

They left him and he dragged himself into the bathroom and vomited. Fear sliced through him as he saw bright red mixed with it. Those weren't Junior High kids that did that. Somehow High School boys got in there and did it. Don probably let them in.

With failing strength Julian pulled himself up using the wall. He slid along it hoping he would reach the teacher's office before he collapsed. His body rebelled, and he had to stop and rest as blinding pain flashed through his head. He fought off the black that was threatening to overwhelm him. Just a little more. He fell into the office, and the last sound he heard were gasps of shock from the teachers.

Julian felt himself moving and opened his eyes--well his left one that wasn't bruised closed. He was outside the school being wheeled to an ambulanced. Jeremy was trying to get to him; his face was gaunt and as pale as a ghost. There were crowds of people watching in shocked disbelief. Some had their hand over their mouths, shaking their head sadly. No one would let Jeremy near him. He reached out weakly to Jeremy as they loaded him on the ambulance. Then the darkness came again.

He came to again as he was being wheeled to a room. They were talking surgery and his mom was right beside him running down the hall with the stretcher. They made her stop at the doors. The next time he went out, he didn't even remember it. He woke again in a room.

His mom smiled weakly at him. And patted his hand gently. Julian felt kind of heady. He was floating.

"They say you'll be all right now. They have your drugged up so you probably feel giddy right now. They didn't have to do surgery on you. Just extensive testing to make sure you were all right. The police checked the locker room over. They saw the toilet. The doctors say the blood was from your face, it mixed with it." She was being strong, but when he turned his eyes to her she lost it. "How could something like this happen to my baby. What is wrong with people in this world." She cried into her hands. Her body shook violently with every sob. Julian wanted to reach out to her, but he was too weak. He cursed his condition as the darkness took him again.

When he claimed consciousness again it was dark out. He look around the dark room and fear ripped through him. He couldn't see anything and his mind was telling him there was someone in the dark--to get him? He thrashed weakly on the bed and moaned. Then a shadow moved in the dark and grabbed his arm. His thrashing became more wild. "No." He tried to pull himself free.

"Julian, stop, it's me--Jeremy." At the sound of his voice Julian stopped. Jeremy stood and turned a light no above his head. Jeremy had more color to him, but his eyes were nearly dead. The only thing that showed was fear and pain for Julian.

"Oh god, Jere. I want to die," Julian said, voice so low Jeremy had to lean in closer. At that his eyes widened with shock.

"Don't say that, Julian."

"My body is rebelling against me. No matter how I try, the pain won't lessen. I suppose I deserve this for being the tough guy the other day."

"It's not your fault. It sickens me to no end that we have people like that in our school." Jeremy shook his head emphasizing that.

"They were from high school. The only one from our school was Don. I don't know who everyone else was. Just that they were big--really big--and strong. I couldn't even get free. I was helpless."

"From high school! Shit! I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Julian." Tears claimed Jeremy's cheeks and spread across them like salty rivulets.

"How could you? It wasn't your gym period. I should have paid more attention. He told me it wasn't over."

"Hold on a minute. I'll be right back." Jeremy leaned over and lightly kissed Julian. Then he ran out the door.

He was gone for a while before he came back. Julian had drifted into a fitful sleep. He woke immediately to the sound of people entering the room.

Julian's mother and father, Jeremy and his mother, and a police officer entered. His mom pushed ahead of the cop and made sure Julian was all right, before turning to the officer and giving him a warning glare, as if to say 'be gentle'.

He answered the questions as best he could--which wasn't really that good--and the officer jotted it down on a little notepad. That went on for a little while, until Julian yawned and his mother cut the officer off, telling him that was enough for now, he needed his sleep. The officer was about to protest, but one look from Julian's mom and he backed down immediately. A nurse came in to give him a shot. She was short and breath taking. She gave Julian a friendly smile and told him what she was doing. If Julian wasn't gay, he would be drooling over her. After that everyone said their byes and had to go. Julian drifted off to sleep again.

Julian was sitting up in his bed. It had been four days since the incident. He was feeling better. They wanted to be sure he was up to par before they let him go. He smiled and told his nurse--the same lady--about last night.

She loved hearing about Jeremy and him and she smiled at the story. Jeremy stayed till late last night. Julian's face was healed enough he could kiss again, only the more serious bruises still showed. He brought Julian flowers and candy. There was a care in the flowers. Jamie laughed as she read it. Julian never called her by her last name--is that how it was supposed to be anyway? He just called her Jamie.

Jeremy had skipped the last four days of school to visit Julian. That smile was in his eyes again and rubbed off on Julian rather quickly. That near infinite light in his eyes. He was the only one Julian knew had a love for life like that even despite what has been happening. Jeremy shared this all with Julian everyday, telling him all that would be different when he got out. Jeremy's dreams were big, and as beautiful as the boy who dreamt them up.

"I love him, Jamie. He makes me feel so good--and he's sweet as hell. I'm glad to see the smile back on his face, and in his eyes. He has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." She smiled. He'd told her all about him and Jeremy and being gay. He also told her the bad which followed up till neither had been in school. Only the fact of being in the hospital was a reminder that everything wasn't that good.

"He is a sweet boy. I need a man like that. Maybe I'll steal him away from you," she joked. "I hope you guys are together for a long time." She smiled.

Julian was walking down the hall with a drink in hand, exercising his legs when his mother showed up. There was concern in her eyes; different from the smile she had of Julian's fast recovery. Julian frowned and questioned her.

"Is Jeremy here with you? Did he stay the night?" She asked.

"No..." His heart sank.

"Julian, Jeremy didn't come home last night. He hasn't been seen at all today either. No one knows where he is. We hoped he might be here with you." The cup fell out his hand and splattered across the floor. Suddenly Julian's legs were rubber, no longer able to support him. His mom caught him before he hit the floor, and Jamie came running up to see what was wrong.

"Oh no." Jamie said. The look of sympathy in her eyes broke Julian. Tears flowed helplessly from his eyes. He was brought to his room and he sat on the bed. What happened to Jeremy? Oh god, where is he?"

Julian was out the next day. They said he was good enough to go. Julian harassed the police about what they were doing to find him. They weren't doing much. They figured him a run away and said they would put out a missing person alert.

At school Julian cornered Don. Forgetting--rather not caring--happened before, Julian threw him up against a locker.

"What did you do you bastard? Where is Jeremy?" Don shook his head vigorously.

"I don't know, Julian. I swear I don't. I haven't seen him since..." He trailed off. Since Julian was put into the hospital was what was unsaid. Julian left the school, having no reason to stay.

He went to the police again and told him the story about what happened. They got more serious and put more effort into the look. Julian didn't want to think of Jeremy being dead. It wasn't possible. It just couldn't be.

Three days later Julian got a message that shook him to the core and doused the fire of life inside him. Jeremy was found dead hanging from a tree in the woods on the other side of town. A man and his dog out for a hike found him and reported him.

Julian crumbled up and died. The walls to his room seemed too little and he lashed out at anything in sight. The only little bit of happiness he found and it was taken from him like that. The funeral was scheduled for three days from now. The wake was the day before.

He forced himself to go to both. He didn't want to remember Jeremy like this. He wanted to remember him in his glory. The sweet boy from before, but he had to say bye. He prepared a speech for the funeral. Steeling himself, he stepped up to the podium. A with glance at his first love he read.

"Jeremy R. Wilson. That is the name of a boy. A beautiful boy. A beautiful fourteen-year-old boy who was taken from the world and those that loved him by someone that was cruel and hated life. Someone that feared Jeremy and what he was.

I remember the day perfectly. It seemed like an eternity ago I met him. It was just after my victory against H.V.C. He was there smiling outside of school. By himself. His smile was radiant. Brighter than a universe full of suns. The pure joy and happiness in him shone like a beacon. I found my victory less important to what was in him.

I walked away then. The next time I saw him I didn't walk away. In fact I looked everywhere for him and despaired when I couldn't find him. Then out of nowhere he appeared in front of me. He was like a sandy blond, blue-eyed angel.

I remember him clearly. His eyes shown with a pure joy for life that surpassed anything. There was never a time I saw him down. He was never without a smile and his friendship and caring were without bounds.

He was in my group fast. Who wouldn't like a boy that could make you laugh so easily. Who's simple joy for life was so contagious, one look brought a smile to your lips.

Your strength and energy showed the same boundlessness. Your first time wrestling and you were undefeated. You caught on to things as easily as you smiled. What you wanted out of life became what we all wanted out of life. Your courage gave us strength, your strength, resolve. I knew no bounds when I was with you.

As time passed I grew closer to you. I depended on you. I wouldn't trade the fun we had for anything in the world. I loved you and nothing could change that. It was soon apparent that my love went beyond anything I imagined. Then you kissed me.

That was my first kiss. I would have found no one better to share it with. That was the first time I ever saw you uncertain. Uncertain that that boundless love you had could be wrong. Uncertain that your charms would be anything less than your charm for life.

But someone did think it wrong. And for that we were hounded. People who I thought were my friends were our greatest enemy. How could they condemn a love so pure and honest as ours. How could they think we were anything less than human.

You came to the hospital and gave me strength to heal quickly. Whose body wouldn't when they had someone like you waiting for them. You gave me flowers and candy to get well faster. You giggled and told me how much you loved me and everything would be all right. That last moment with you will be burned is my soul for eternity. I am branded by your love. And I hope wherever you are now, you know how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I give you flowers now and a kiss that says I'll find you someday. And when I do, we'll never be apart again." Julian bent down and put the flowers in the coffin and lightly kissed Jeremy. He gasped in surprise. Jeremy's face was more alive than any person could make him look. His body was so warm and soft he felt alive. Tears flowed at the last gift to him. He stood up.

"You will live on forever in all of our hearts. In death your soul will know no limits, just as in life, your love had no end. I will always love you Jeremy. I hope you found happiness with me in your life and that you died with no regrets. I regret nothing of our time together. I only wish it were longer."

Julian stepped down from the podium. There was no one in the room who wasn't crying. No one seemed to mind that they both were gay. Julian's mom couldn't make it to the funeral itself, her and dad went out of town. They didn't want to, they just had to.

It was the hardest thing, watching them put him into the ground. He said his last goodbye and left with everyone else. He went to the reception but didn't eat anything. People tried to comfort him, but nothing short of Jeremy in his arms would ever do that again. While it was his first love and he knew life must go on. It was hard to accept and do it. Would he ever get over Jeremy?

"After that my strength was gone. People called me fag and whatnot. Without Jeremy there I did fear. I hurt inside every time a name flew. They did bad things too, I'm not even going to go into them. My one thought through the whole ordeal. I was happy that Jeremy didn't have to go through it anymore. Can you imagine? He was better of dead so he didn't go through this torture everyday. I'm glad I didn't have to see the light slowly burned out his eyes. I'm glad he found it in happiness before he died. He was in a better place, I didn't doubt that, somewhere were he would be safe from things like that forever."

"After that we moved away. No on told mom or dad about the speech from the funeral. No one knew I was gay except the kids. Somehow that didn't get to my parents. Dad got a new job offer and jumped at it. They never found the person who did it. I would kill him given the chance. It was said it was some sicko that saw Jeremy leaving the hospital. It had nothing to do with Don and them. I ended up here. That was almost a year ago now. I still feel him inside me--I always will. He came to me in a dream though, when I first moved here. He told me that I would have another love in my new home. He said when the time comes, don't try and run from it. When it does come, I won't. And he told me told me to be happy. I still miss him though. I wish for what could have been. That's my story." Julian had tears rolling down his eyes. He wasn't surprised to see that Terrin did too.

Terrin hugged Julian and rocked him back and forth. How could a boy go through so much in as short a life as his? That was sick. Terrin felt sick at that moment to be part of the human race. People who could have such cruelty.

He held onto Julian long after the tears stopped. When he finally looked, Julian was sleeping again. Memories, so painful. They can sap the energy right out of you just telling them. Terrin vowed it wouldn't be like that here. He wouldn't tell anyone about Julian.

---The end of the second part of chapter 3. Now you have a taste of some of the Julian went through with his time with Jeremy. It doesn't begin to explain the months after that. Stay tuned for the next chapter. That's another chapter I'm pretty much happy with. It will probably have minimal changes. Then after that will be a completely new chapter. Chapter 5 will begin the new parts of the story.

Question, commentsn, concerns, criticism and flames. Send to davenp@hotmail.com