Strong Enough to Break By Jessi
This is the first part of a continuing story. I don't think it matters if this really happened or not since it doesn't pertain to any celebrities right? So leave it to your imagination! I love feedback so hope to get some from you all. Let me know if you want more!
Part I
My name is Jessi and I'm writing this story to re-live past events in my life. Namely my first love. But we'll get to that in a bit.
I'm currently a sophomore in college, going to UCLA in California. With thousands of hours and countless studying and working, I've gotten in to my dream college -- UCLA. I'd first told my mom that I was going to go there when I was in the 8th grade. She said even then that she had no doubt that I would achieve this. Maintaining a 4.0 in high school wasn't the easiest thing to do for many reasons, but I managed it. And not only did it get me in to one of the best colleges in the country, it led me to her...
I'll never forget the first time I saw her. I was walking across campus to get to my class. Running late, I was fastly walking and nearly ran into her. When I looked up into her eyes, admiring her cute smile, I knew I'd stumbled onto something. I instantly wanted her. I had to have those lips, that body... Mmm. She truly was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my entire 19 years of living. But although I say all of this, making it sound like I'm an experienced lesbian, saying that would be a complete lie. I'd only been with one person of the female species before, and although it'd been a total sexual thing, that was all it'd been. Not to mention it'd been 4 years earlier.
It was my freshman year of high school when I had my first experience with a girl. Although I'd known I was bi for about two years and been open to my best friend for a year, I'd never even come close to being with a girl. Living in your average small, close-minded town, the few people that actually were gay didn't just walk around with a sign that said so. It was no different for me. No one except Brandon, my best friend, knew.
Until that fall that I'll never forget. Brandon and I had headed over to the public high school from the small Christian school that we'd attended and hated. We were more than psyched to be out of that school. To be in the high school. Oh yeah. But things had actually gone even better than I expected. Brandon and I, for some unknown reason, just really seemed to fit in. And on another note, there was more than one occasion when I saw two girls holding hands, or even kissing! This I honestly had not expected. Maybe it wasn't the small town after all, it was that we hadn't been in it. We'd been sheltered from the real world. Oh boy, this was gonna be a great year.
I met Hannah in late September. We'd been in school for a month but I hadn't seen -- or perhaps noticed her before. In my defense though, that past month really had been very hectic. I had to not only get back in the school mode, but also get used to the homework amount. We hadn't had much homework at all at our previous (small, unorganized) school. I didn't get much sleep, although that was nothing new, but it was all overwhelming. I'd gotten my first job that summer, so I was holding down a job, going to the public high school with a massive amount of homework (compared to what I was used to), even more lack of sleep than normal, and trying to keep somewhat of a social life. Sheesh! It wasn't easy. So you can imagine why I didn't notice Hannah at first. She was very hot, but not beautiful. I just wanted her body, to be completely honest. Being 15, I had had no interest in having a serious relationship, especially with a girl. I knew that was going to take some time getting used to. But that was okay with Hannah, she knew all of what I just went over. Hell who cared, we were 15 year olds with our hormones racing wildly -- we just wanted to get some action! God, I think we were worse than guys.
But anyway, let me get on with it. I'll describe Hannah to you so you can get a good mental picture. She had honey blonde hair, blue eyes, about 130 lbs, and about 5'5". I know, she doesn't sound all that hot. But believe me, she was. At least I thought so then. And not only was she good-looking, she was older. Oh boy did I love older chicks. She was 17 and a junior. Mmm.
"You coming to the party tonight, Jessi?" Hannah questioned, taking me offguard. I looked up from the lunch table where I was talking and joking with Brandon and a couple of other people we really didn't know all that well, but occasionally associated with. It was mid-November and I noticed how her snug sweater clung to her body; I just wanted to rip it off.
"Um..." I trailed off, racking my brain. What party was she talking about? Obviously I was supposed to know. "I, uh...I was thinking about it." I played it cool.
"Cool," she smiled. "Maybe I'll see you there." Although the way she said it seemed more like a question than a statement, she walked off without giving me a chance to respond.
Not knowing and honestly not even caring what that was all about, I turned to Brandon with a grin that stretched from ear to ear. "We have a party to attend."
I'd eventually figured out that the party she was referring to was a party held by a senior. Hell yeah, a freshman going to a senior party wasn't something just anyone could do, but Brandon and I were there.
Chris, the guy throwing the party, was really cool, but not to just anyone. He normally didn't even talk to anyone below the 11th grade, but was always really nice to Brandon and me.
"Brandon, Jessi, what's up guys?!" he exclaimed when we arrived. I couldn't help but laugh at his drunken state.
"Nothin' much. Seen Hannah?" I asked. I should probably mention that Hannah was quite popular, and just about everyone knew who she was. Chris too.
"Hmm..." he trailed off, looking deep in thought.
"Don't hurt yourself there," Brandon laughed.
"Yeah I think I might," Chris joked back. "I don't think she's here yet," he said to me. I nodded just as a familiar car drove up. I knew it was Hannah. She hopped out with a couple of other girls and surprisingly walked right up to the three of us.
"You made it," she smiled at me. "Hey Chris, hey Brandon," she also smiled at them, but the smile she'd given me had been more...real.
"Hey, we were just talking about you," Chris responded. Dammit Chris, shut up, I thought to myself.
"Oh?" she questioned and looked at me. I thought it was funny that she'd looked at me but didn't give it much more thought.
"Yeah, I think you and Jessi should go get us all some drinks and then we'll chill," he suggested. Holy shit, was I that obvious?
"Alright, sounds good to me," Hannah agreed and looked at me. Before she could even ask, I also agreed, so we headed inside.
We made our way through the drunks, potheads (which sounded really good about then), and the occasional sober and straight people inside the living room and kitchen. Hannah grabbed three beers and handed three to me.
We started to make our way back outside, but Hannah stopped me. Without even trying to say anything over the extremely loud music, she motioned for me to follow her. Also without saying anything, I did so, wondering what she was doing.
She lead me through the hallway and to one of the bedrooms. Although that sounds like something someone would say right before getting to a sex scene, I highly, highly doubted this was anything like that, although it did cross my mind. But that was way too good to be true. Hannah was too hot and popular to be gay...right?
"I just thought we could talk for a few minutes," she said once inside the room, setting the beers down on the dresser. "They can get their own beers," she smiled. I smiled back, not really knowing what to say. What was up with this?
"Um, okay...was there something in particular you wanted to talk about?" I questioned, slowly sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah," she said simply. I looked at her expectantly. "Well okay, I won't beat around the bush. I've heard some rumors that you're into girls, and I was wondering if it's true. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I wanted to ask." Oh my God. Who the fuck told her this?!
"Uhh," I laughed nervously. "Who told you that?"
"I honestly don't know," she responded. "I've heard it from more than one person, and I sort of figured you'd heard too."
"Would it disgust you if I was?" I asked, not knowing whether to tell her or not, also wondering who would've started this around the school. I'd never told anyone but Brandon, I mean jeez!
"Not at all," she said so quietly I had to think twice to even be sure she'd said it. What did that mean? The thought couldn't help but creep into my mind... Was Hannah gay?
"Well yeah, I am. The only person, erm -- other person that knows, is Brandon. I never really planned on telling anyone else, or him for that matter. It just sort of happened with him," I explained, searching her face for an expression. Anything -- after telling someone something like that, silence wasn't something you wanted.
To my ultimate surprise, she laughed. To say the least, this didn't boost my already lacking self-confidence about my sexuality. "No," she said, continuing to laugh, noticing my facial expression. "I'm not laughing in a mean way...I just can't believe it."
"That I'm gay?" I asked, confused. She nodded, still laughing a little. "Why not?"
"Because usually when things seem too good to be true, they are."
"Wha- huh? What do you mean, I mean...what?" I stammered. Did she mean what I thought she meant?!
"Yeah," she nodded, as if reading my thoughts. "You're not alone."
"You mean to tell me that you are gay?" I almost thought she was kidding. But I knew she wouldn't do that. But you don't just find gay people anywhere you go, hell especially gay people you're attracted to. That's definitely a rarity.
"Why is it so hard to believe?" she inquired, her eyebrows furrowed. The laughter had died. "I mean I know that gay people aren't exactly overpopulating the earth, but you seem surprised because it's me."
"Well, I am," I said honestly. "I just, um...sort of, uh..." I stuttered as Hannah started walking toward me. She sat down next to me on the bed. I shifted, nervous and uncomfortable with her sitting so close. "I'm just-" I was interrupted my her soft lips on my mine. Oh my God, oh my God, was all that was running through my mind. "Can't believe it," I said dazily as I continued to talk through breaks in the kiss. She giggled and leaned in on me so I laid back on the bed.
"Mmm..." I mumbled and looked over at the door, hoping it was locked so neither of us would have to get up. I couldn't tell if it was. "Is the- ohh," I interrupted myself as I felt her hand on my right breast. "God...is the door locked?" I asked quickly.
"Mmhmm," she giggled. "I locked it when we came in."
"How come?" I wouldn't have cared otherwise under the circumstances, but had she planned this?
"Well, I was kinda pretty damn sure you really were gay, and was hoping you'd, well, like me like I like you." Her saying that plus the sexy smile she gave me after saying it made me want her right then and there -- now.
There was no way I could leave that party without having gotten some ass from Hannah.
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