If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
Chapter Five
I jumped up off the couch and quickly put on my clothes, then I went over to Mom's bedroom door. I could hear her crying inside. I rapped lightly on the door.
"Go away! I don't want to see you right now. Just get out!"
I turned and walked to the front door and let myself out. I walked up to the corner, passing the lifeguard's house. I could hear Adam yelling inside. The only word I could make out was 'kissing'. I stopped on the corner and looked at my watch. Ten thirty, not that it mattered. I didn't have anywhere to go no matter what time it was. I thought of John and Michael. They were the only people I knew in the area. Maybe they'd let me stay at their place for the night, or longer if necessary. I started to take out my cell phone to call them but changed my mind. They might tell me to go back home and talk to Mom. That was the last thing I wanted to do, probably the last thing she wanted, too. I turned south and walked toward Seaside Park. If I just showed up at their door they'd have to let me spend the night.
It was after eleven when I finally got to their house. I hesitated before ringing their bell but realized that I had no choice. It was ask them for help or go sleep under the boardwalk. John opened the door when I rang. I must have looked as bad as I felt because, while he had questions in his eyes, all he did was hug me. He closed the door and took me upstairs. As soon as I saw Michael I burst into tears. I think I was operating on autopilot up until then, but I just fell apart. The guys pulled me into a three-way hug and held me as I cried. It seemed like I'd spent half the time I knew them crying on their shoulders. Finally, we all sat down and I slowly told them about the evening, ending with a plea for a place to stay.
"You can spend the night, Bryan, but in the morning you have to go talk to your mother. You have to try to straighten this out." John put his arm around me but Michael just sat by himself at the other end of the couch, staring across the room, a weird look on his face.
"I don't think I can, John. You didn't see her and hear her. You have no idea how bad it was."
"No, but I think I can imagine. It must have been pretty terrible."
"Terrible doesn't even come close, John. You just don't know."
"I know, Bryan." Michael spoke so low I could barely hear him. His voice was a little shaky. I looked at him and he was staring at the floor in front of him. "I know exactly what it was like."
John let go of me, got up and went over to Michael. He put his arms around him.
"You don't have to say anything, baby. I know you don't like to talk about it."
"No, I don't, but I've got to tell him. Bryan's got to know he's not alone."
Michael straightened up, shook his shoulders once and turned to look at me.
"I told you before that when I came out it was a horrible thing, Bryan. It was so much worse than that. It was a long time ago. My wife and I had just moved into my parents' house in Westfield so we could save money to buy a house of our own."
"Your wife?" I couldn't imagine Michael married. John maybe, but not Michael.
"Yeah, Bryan, my wife. I was trying to do what was expected of me, trying to live the kind of life everyone said I should. I'd never told anyone I was gay, never did anything with a guy. I got married young, thinking that would solve everything. I loved my wife, I really did. She was a great person and she was my best friend. Anyway, one day we were all going to go out to eat, but we were expecting a guy from the cable company to install the cable in our bedroom. He was very late and finally I offered to stay and wait while the others went to lunch. A while after they left, the cable guy showed up. He was absolutely gorgeous. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I just sat on the bed and watched him work. I suppose I was pretty obvious, because as soon as he was done, he walked over and stood in front of me with a huge bulge in his pants only inches from my face. It was like I was in a trance or something; I couldn't stop staring. He unfastened his pants and as soon as his dick came into view, I sucked him into my mouth. You can guess what happened next. I was just getting into it when my parents and my wife walked in and caught me with his dick in my mouth."
"Shit! All of them? That's even worse than what happened to me, although it might have been better if Luke's dick had been in my mouth. What did they do?"
"My wife screamed, my mother fainted and my father slugged me. I'm not sure if it was in that order. I was totally out of it. I didn't even see the cable guy slip out."
"How did it end up?"
"Ugly is the only word for it. I left home, of course, and went through a bitter divorce. My family never spoke to me again. I lost everything and everyone. I just wanted to die. So I went to San Francisco."
"I'm sorry, I don't get the connection."
"Well, Bryan, I had decided to kill myself right here in New Jersey, but then I thought about it. My life was ruined because I was gay, and I'd never even had any gay sex, except for a few minutes with the cable guy. So I decided I deserved some fun before I died. I'd go to San Francisco and whore around having all kinds of sex with anyone and everyone. It was the late eighties and AIDS was killing people all over, but especially out there. I figured I'd have lots of sex, get sick and die."
"You can't be serious, Michael. That's such a horrible way to die."
"I wasn't thinking very clearly, obviously. I was drinking a lot, too. But my life was over. I wanted to have sex and I wanted to die. It seemed to make sense."
"Well, you obviously didn't die. What happened?" I was getting more and more drawn into his story.
"Things didn't exactly go according to plan when Michael got to San Francisco," John said.
"Yeah, the first few weeks I got picked up by a several guys, but they all insisted on safe sex. The sex was great but I was getting frustrated. I was starting to think I needed to find a more efficient way to do myself in."
"I was out there on vacation and one night I saw Michael in a bar. He was drunk as hell, not a pretty sight, but something about him appealed to me. I took him back to my hotel and he stayed with me the whole week." John gave Michael a little squeeze.
"Love at first sight?" I was so caught up in the story that I'd almost forgotten my traumatic evening.
"Not quite that romantic, Bryan. I was far too damaged emotionally to be able to fall in love. But John was wonderful and took care of me. At the end of the week he talked me into going home to Philadelphia with him. It took a while but I slowly regained a little sanity. By then, I realized that I was in love with him. And fifteen years later, here we are."
"What about your family?"
"I never saw them again. In a way, the Michael who went to San Francisco really did die there. My life started over when I got to Philly with John. His family is my family now." He gave John a little kiss. "That's why you have to go back and talk to your mother, Bryan. I know you're traumatized right now. So is she. But you can't just run away from each other. You're her only child. She's your only family. From what you've said you had a good relationship and she loves you. I'm sure you can get through this, but you have to get to work on it. It'll only get worse if you leave it alone. Believe me, I know."
I thought about what Michael was saying. I wasn't sure I could do it, but I knew he was right. I agreed to go home in the morning and see what I could do. The guys took me to their guest room and gave me a new toothbrush. I used the bathroom, stripped and got into bed. They came in a few minutes later and kissed me goodnight. Michael lay down on the bed next to me and held me in his arms.
"I wish I could promise you that everything will be okay, Bryan, but I can't. Still, you've got to try."
"I will, Michael, I'll try."
John woke me up early in the morning. Since Michael had a long commute to Philadelphia, he had to leave early. We had breakfast and I left with Michael. He gave me a ride up to Ortley Beach. When we got to the corner of my street, he pulled over and hugged me.
"I wish I could go in with you, Bryan, but I'd only be in the way. This is something you and your mother have to work out."
"I know, Michael. Thanks for everything. I'm sorry about the way things worked out for you."
"I lost a lot, Bryan. You don't know the half of it. But my life with John is wonderful. He's the greatest guy in the world." Michael hesitated. "If things don't go well with your mother, go back to the house. John will take care of you."
"I will, Michael. Thanks again." He kissed me and I got out of the car and walked to the house. There was no sign of any activity in the lifeguards' house. Of course, it was seven o'clock in the morning. I quietly let myself in the front door and was stunned to see Walter in the kitchen fixing breakfast. He put a finger to his lips as I approached the counter.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered.
"I arrived a few minutes after you left last night. Your mother was in such a state I called my wife and told her I wasn't coming home."
I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
"Oh, she's known about Chrissie for a while but we didn't speak about it. Your mother needed me, though, so I stayed."
"How is she?"
"She's still sleeping. I called her office and told them she wouldn't be in. It sounds like you all had quite a night."
"She told you what she walked in on?"
Walter nodded. "It must have been pretty embarrassing, being caught in the act like that."
"Embarrassing doesn't even begin to cover all of the emotions. Did Mom finally calm down?"
"Yes, eventually. She was completely freaked out at first but we talked for a long time. She still needed a couple of pills to get to sleep, but she was a lot better."
"You don't seem to be shocked by all of this."
"Well, I hadn't guessed that you were gay, if that's what you mean. But my college roommate was gay and I've had a few gay friends since then, so I'm pretty cool with it. I'm surprised your mother reacted so badly, though. She's usually so laid back. Maybe it was just the shock. That's not what any parent wants to see their child doing."
Walter finished making breakfast while I went into the bathroom and by the time I came back out Mom was up. I got dressed while Mom used the bathroom, then we joined Walter for breakfast. We ate in silence, with me and Mom avoiding each other's eyes. Walter made a few comments about the news and the weather and cleared the table when we were done.
"I'm going to leave you two alone to talk now. I know you're both probably still upset and feeling awkward, but try to remember how much you love each other."
After he left Mom fixed herself another cup of coffee and sat in the living room. I joined her and took the plunge.
"I'm really sorry, Mom, sorry you walked in on that. Luke and I shouldn't have been in the living room like that, but we weren't thinking. Besides, I thought you'd be out until late."
"That doesn't excuse what you were doing, Bry. I can't get that picture out of my head. How long has this been going on?"
"A little while." I knew I was going to have to get into everything that had happened with the lifeguards, but not just yet. I didn't want Mom to totally freak again.
"So you're gay? I mean, this wasn't just some kind of experimentation?"
"Yeah, I'm gay, Mom. I've known forever but I was afraid to tell you. I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want to hurt you either. I knew it would upset you."
"It did and it does. I had this ideal picture of you and being gay just wasn't a part of it. I always wanted you to be happy. I always imagined you with a girl, getting married, having kids. You know, the usual stuff. The kind of life I wanted."
"Yeah, when I was a kid I imagined that too, but as I grew up I realized things were going to be different for me. I didn't know just how it would be. I still don't. But you wouldn't want me to live a lie, deceiving people I loved just to fit in."
"No, I wouldn't ever want you to do that, Bry."
We talked for over an hour. Mostly I talked, about all of my feelings growing up. Mom listened, nodded now and then, asked a question here and there.
"Well, I've got some pretty bad hang-ups about gay people that go way back so it's going to take some getting used to, but I'll try, Bryan. I love you so much."
"I love you too, Mom."
"So, have you been seeing this guy long? Is he your boyfriend?"
"I've known him all summer, but last night was kind of a turning point in our relationship. I'm not sure where things stand right now."
"I'm sure my appearance last night didn't help. I didn't exactly have a good view of his face, but isn't he one of Adam's friends?"
"Yeah, his name is Luke. And speaking of Adam, you've got some explaining to do, too. What the hell were you doing with him last night? You lied to me. You were supposed to be out with the girls. Have you been sneaking around with him? You know you're nearly old enough to be his mother."
"I wasn't bringing him back here to go to bed with him, if that's what you're implying. He's been after me for a while. I'll admit it's pretty flattering to have a young stud like that pursuing me, but give me a little credit, Bry. He's still a boy, even if he thinks he's a man. I decided that maybe I could use him to make Walter jealous, though. I knew you were going to be out, so I invited Walter over for a late drink. Then I set things up so he'd walk in on Adam and me. Not having sex, just maybe making out."
"Well, it didn't go the way you'd planned, but at least Walter was here for you and spent the night. He's a pretty good guy, Mom."
"I know, Bry. I'm glad you finally see that."
We talked all day. By mid-afternoon, I finally took a chance and told her about how it had all started with the guys next door, about everything. I didn't go into details. Even though Mom had seen me getting fucked there was still no way I could talk to her about sex. Mom was furious.
"I'm calling the police, Bryan. They had no right to do that to you, to force you to do anything. They're animals who should be locked up."
"No, Mom. It's over now. It's not going to happen again. Yeah, they were forcing themselves on me, but I was at least partially to blame. Part of me liked the attention and the sex."
"That Adam is a monster, I can't believe I thought he was just a sexy boy."
"He can be pretty nasty. He's used to having his own way. I'm glad you didn't end up here alone with him. I don't think you could have controlled the situation."
"I can't understand how you could have brought that Luke back here after all that."
"He's different, Mom. Yeah, he was with them, but he's gay too. He was hiding it from them but he was trying to protect me as much as he could. I think deep down he's a nice guy."
"It will take a lot to convince me of that. As far as I'm concerned, he's a rapist, just like the others."
"Well, I'm not sure you'll get a chance to know him any better now. I don't know what's going on in his head after last night."
As long as I was coming clean about everything else, I admitted to her that my boardwalk friends, John and Michael, were a bit older than their twenties and that I'd spent the night at their place. She wasn't crazy about that.
"I think you're too young to be friends with guys that age. They could very easily take advantage of you. Look at what happened with the lifeguards."
"I know I haven't been the best judge of character this summer but John and Michael really are great guys, Mom. They're not gonna seduce me or take advantage of me. They had the opportunity last night and didn't try anything. They were the ones who gave me the courage to come back here and talk to you."
"Well, I still don't think you should be hanging out with guys who are older than me, but I'll reserve judgment until I've met them."
"Great! I just know you'll like them. I'll try to set something up so you can meet."
It was time for me to get ready for work, so I went into the bathroom to shower. Halfway through the shower I heard voices outside the window. I looked out and saw that the lifeguards had returned from the beach. Luke wasn't with them. Just then, Mom walked into their yard and went right up to Adam, obviously giving him a piece of her mind. He just stood there and smirked at her. Without warning, she grabbed his crotch through his trunks and squeezed. I could see her twist her hand and pull as she continued to squeeze his balls. A look of excruciating pain was on his face and his knees buckled. I think he would have fallen but Mom was holding him up by the balls. When she finally let go of him, he grabbed at his crotch and collapsed on the ground. Mom turned and walked back toward our house. Adam just lay there groaning. Jared and Tony had been standing there frozen throughout the whole scene. After Mom left they looked at each other, shrugged and went into their house without a word, leaving Adam lying on the ground, clutching his balls.
Over the next few days, things got back to normal. Well, normal isn't really the word for it. Walter more or less moved in with us. After Labor Day he'd have his choice of houses to live in, but they were all rented out until then. He said negotiations with his wife were actually going better now that everything was out in the open. All three of us had work each day, but when I wasn't working evenings, Walter took us out to eat. I'd called John as soon as I knew that things with Mom were headed in the right direction, but I didn't get a chance to see the guys. I didn't see much of the lifeguards either. We were all avoiding each other. I don't know what they were living on because none of them came into the pizzeria at all.
Sunday night, Walter, Mom and I went to the boardwalk after eating dinner out. I didn't mind hanging out with them anymore. Walter had become a real three-dimensional person to me, not just the married guy sleeping with my mother. We wandered up and down the boardwalk for over an hour, stopping to look in shops or play a game now and then. Mom and I went on a couple of the tamer rides. At one point, Mom dragged Walter into a jewelry store and I went across the boardwalk to wait for them. While I was looking out at the ocean, John and Michael walked up behind me. I gave them each a huge hug. I didn't care who saw it.
"Well, you're looking a whole lot better than the last time we saw you. Is everything working out okay?"
"Yeah, John. Things are still a little awkward but they're getting easier every day. Mom is making a real effort to accept that I'm gay but she was pretty pissed when I told her about the lifeguards."
I told them about the scene in the yard with Adam. They both roared with laughter.
"It sounds like your mom isn't someone to mess around with, Bryan. John and I would really like to meet her someday."
"If you wait a minute you'll have a chance. She and Walter are in a store over there."
We talked for a few more minutes. They asked about Luke and I told them that I hadn't spoken to him. I'd seen him from a distance on the beach a couple of times. He wasn't sharing a lifeguard stand with Adam any more. He was sitting with Jared. Tony was with Adam. When the guys hung out in the yard after work, Luke wasn't with them. I was still hoping that something might happen with him, but the summer only had a couple of weeks to go and it didn't look good.
"Don't give up, Bryan. I know you're avoiding Adam, but it looks like Luke is too. Maybe you guys will have a chance to get together and talk."
"Yeah, Michael, maybe. I hope so."
I saw Mom and Walter leave the shop and head across the boardwalk toward us.
"Here comes Mom now. You guys are going to like her."
They both turned around. Mom and Walter were about ten feet away. Mom froze in her tracks and stared, her mouth hanging open. Michael stumbled as he turned. I had been about to introduce everyone but something seemed very wrong. Mom and Michael kept staring at each other.
"Chrissie?"
"Mike?"
Walter, John and I exchanged puzzled looks. I was the first to say something.
"Mom? Are you okay? What's the matter? Mom?"
Michael turned and stared at me as if he were seeing me for the first time.
"Bryan???"
Everyone kept staring at each other. I thought they'd all gone crazy. Finally, John broke the silence with a low chuckle.
"So we finally meet, Chrissie. I've heard so much about you. I'm John."
He held out his hand toward Mom. She finally stopped staring at Michael and looked at him. She reached out and shook hands with him although I didn't think she knew she was doing it. She looked at me, then back at Michael.
"What is going on here? You guys all know each other?" I couldn't figure out what was happening. Obviously there was some connection I didn't know about.
The others still didn't seem able to speak, but John answered me.
"No, Bryan, I've never met your mom before, but she and Michael go way back. In fact, a long time ago, they were married."
If I'd thought Mom and Michael were stunned when they saw each other that didn't even begin to describe my state when I heard what John said. I looked first at Mom, then at Michael. And then I completely freaked out. I turned and ran, down the steps and onto the beach. I took off down the beach as fast as I could run. I wasn't thinking, I couldn't think.
I could hear voices calling my name behind me as I ran. I heard footsteps close behind, then felt a heavy weight crash into me from behind, knocking me down, knocking the wind out of me. When I could finally catch my breath, I struggled to turn over. Michael was lying on top of me. John was standing over the two of us. I looked down the beach and Mom was maybe fifty feet away, running toward us with Walter pulling up the rear, huffing and puffing. I looked into Michael's eyes.
"Dad?"
"Apparently." He looked as stunned as I felt.
Just then Mom and Walter caught up to us. Mom stood with her hands on her hips and looked down at us.
"If anyone is holding back any more secrets, now would be a good time to say something. I don't think I can take any more surprises."
Rather than stand in the dark on the beach and sort out sixteen years of estranged lives, we decided to go to John and Michael's house. It was only a few blocks away. Mom and Michael went on ahead and talked non-stop all the way. Walter, John and I followed. I was still in a state of shock. When we got to the house, we all settled in the living room. Mom and Walter took the couch. After John got everyone, including me, a beer, he joined Michael on the loveseat. I sat in a chair and watched the two couples as they talked. Mom and Michael did most of the talking, a little bit of catching up but a lot about me. I didn't say anything; I just listened. I was still having a hard time adjusting to this. All my life, I'd only had one parent. Now, all of a sudden, I had four. Mom and her boyfriend, Dad and his boyfriend.
Dad. I don't think I'd ever said the word my whole life. He kept looking at me, a look of disbelief on his face. I kept staring at him, realizing that he was the guy Mom always said I took after. He was so sexy. Maybe there was still a chance for me. Maybe he was a late bloomer too. I thought about Mom and Michael together. Yeah, they must have been a pretty hot couple. Of course, to my way of thinking, John and Michael were even hotter. I supposed I'd have to stop thinking of Michael as hot, now that he was my father. An image of the wet dream I'd had right after I first saw John and Michael popped into my head and I choked on my beer. Everyone turned and looked at me.
"Are you all right, Bry?" Mom and Michael asked, almost as one.
"Yeah Mom, Dad, I'm just fine."
To be continued...