Sunrise, Sunset By: Lost Ship
Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters featured in this story may be based in part on actual persons, but the names have been changed. It is not the intention of the author that the characterizations be detrimental to anyone. The views and opinions mentioned in the text do not necessarily represent those of the author. Situations and their result are for entertainment purposes only and do not represent any real event. This work is copyrighted by the author and is his sole possession.
Author's Note: Well, haven't got much response from my first installment. Hope to hear from you guys whom are reading this. I need to know your comments before I proceed on any further. Anyway, thanks again guys! Send me your comments. I would love to hear them. My e-mail address is "ship1510@hotmail.com." Hope you like it.
Time For Thoughts
Life is full of profound mysteries, among them, Love. It's hard to explain, but everyone has a hard time doing that. Below is a song that I heard once (because it was not written in English, the rhythm might be a bit strange) and I find it very thought-provoking...
The sky looks blue, only because the clouds are pale; And because there is no answer to what Love is,
it ripples through your heart; When you finally come to realize that,
you will know that Love and possessing are two different things; The moment when both your hearts touch will be treasured always;
Love will survive in your heart, oblivious to Time; Even if your paths crossed briefly,
memories will carry you over the boundaries of Time; Love will survive in your heart, it's path not to be swayed by anyone's decision;
If you've truly loved before, that is the answer.
My beloved friends, it doesn't matter whether you are reciprocated in your love, for all that matters is that you have given that part of yourself as the unconditional gift no one else can give. There is a time to stay and a time to move on. Different people will come and go in your life. To put it very mildly, our hearts are like an abyss and our love, endless. Do not fear that it will be exhausted, and above all, DO NOT loose hope. I know, because I've walked down that path and am still walking it.
Chapter II
What is he trying to do and why does he keep on rubbing his crotch? The answer eluded me long enough; for the next thing I knew, he was unzipping my pants. He reached down and pulled my pants roughly to my knees. "Leave it there," his 'goons' told him. "He won't be able to run like this". Shit! What do they want? "Keep quiet!" he said while flicking out a penknife. "And keep real still...." The knife dropped further downward. Ripppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!! He cut open my briefs at the bottom near my balls. "Looks like someone's matured quite late!" Yeah, there was no pubic hair in my package. Heck! I was a late bloomer.
Panic griped me again as he reached down with his knife. I really feared him at that moment. Was he gonna cut my balls off? Only time could tell now. He slipped the knife in the side of my briefs and tugged at it. 'Okay, that's it[,' I thought. My briefs are ruined now. He stood up and undid his own belt, unzipping his pants in a swift motion. What was the wet spot in his briefs? I would find out a few years later that it is what we call precum.
They now had me pinned down on the grass. The big bully then knelt on my arms. It hurt so badly that I started tearing up. I didn't want to appear weak, but the pain was too much. He was a heavy kid and it didn't help that I was not the well built.
"One of you hold down his feet, just in case he tries to kick free," the bully commanded, "The rest of you get ready." The vice-like grip on my feet became more intense by the second, as he turned to the guys behind him and smirked. With his crotch just inches away from my face, I could smell him. I wanted to throw up! What was this smell? It smelt like piss, yet there was another smell mixed with it. It was like overnight piss mixed with rotten eggs. 'My, this guy didn't change his underwear for days,' I thought. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at it as he pressed forward. He slapped me and said, "Look at me and look at my wood when I have it in your face, fag!" Wood?! What was that?
All I could see was that his cock was pressed hard against his underwear and it looked menacing. "Louis, grab his left foot, Jim, get the other foot, and spread his legs. We're gonna get some fag pussy today, aren't we?" He grabbed the front of his briefs and pulled them down under his balls. The head of his cock was already glistening with precum. "Suck on my cock and don't you dare do anything else!" I was panic-stricken.
I tried to turn to the side, but he pinched my nose and cut off my air. After a minute, I had to open my mouth and gasp for air. This guy was rough. He grabbed my jaws and pried them apart. I tried to close my mouth, but it just couldn't be closed. He inched his cock slowly into my mouth. 'Damn!' I thought, 'He isn't serious about putting it in my mouth is he?'
Right then, I felt a sharp pain in my butt. "Hey, Jason! Looks like our faggot here has a tight ass." Wham! This time two finger went in. The sharp pang of pain was just too much. I don't know what came over me, but I bucked my hips and got the fingers out. In the process of doing it, I clamped down hard with my teeth and Jason jerked back in pain. That was a huge mistake. The head of his cock was between my teeth and his fingers were in my mouth too. This action had my teeth scraping his fingers and cock, drawing blood!
He jumped up, holding on to his cock and cursing loudly. I took this opportunity to tug at the waist of my pants and zipped myself up as there was no longer anyone holding my arms. I slid back down and eased my spread legs together before slamming the soles of my feet into the noses of Louis and Jim. Boy, they hollered like mad! Jessie didn't fare much better. As I landed on my butt, I sat on his arm, which was reaching for my butt hole before any of this happened. It broke his arm as I found out later!
I got up and Jason flicked his knife at me. He wouldn't have missed if it weren't for him having to hold on to his crotch in pain. Okay! You asked for it, Buster! I caught hold of his wrist and brought my knee up into his chin. His head reared up at the impact and I straightened my leg into his stomach.
Just then, our class monitor had gotten off his duties inspecting the classroom after school, and was on his way to the bicycle shed. "What do you guys think you're doing!" he shouted. Needless to say, the 4 bullies just took off and ran. Pierre asked me what was wrong and I told him they were picking on me again as usual. I didn't want anyone to know what had happened. It was traumatizing and embarrassing. I quickly got home and pretended as if nothing had happened, hoping that nothing would ever happen again. But I was very mistaken, and it nearly got me killed the next day...
Now that I'm 29 years old, I know definitely that I'm gay. Thinking back on how I realized it, I am not certain. Perhaps it was the day at school with the class bullies that steered me towards my sexuality....
Being gay in a conservative family isn't easy, let alone a conservative society. That's just the way it is. Much as I hate to say it, I lived in one such environment. I know the world is fast changing, but my world was not changing fast enough...
Standing here, gazing at the swirling waters before me, I wonder what would it be like if I had been ravaged by the bully at school when I was 14. There's a saying in Chinese, 'Tolerate for a moment and everything will calm; back away and you'll see a broader horizon.' (Actually, translated literally it would mean: 'To tolerate a moment and the seas will be calm; take a step backward and you'll find the skies much broader.') What idiot was it to come up with such a crummy saying? At the moment, I would say that taking a step back caused me Hell and taking a step forward would have ended my agony... Had I had the courage to tell Isaac my love for him, he might have accepted me and things would be better. But then, he might just despise me and our friendship would end there....
After my incident in the bicycle shed, I thought I could make it go away by not dwelling upon it. I was very wrong to think that, and it nearly cost me my life. After school that day, I went home and straight to bed. When my mom inquired, I simply told her I was sick and needed to sleep. Being an intelligent woman, she knew, but let it go. Sleep was an ordeal that night. It was full of nightmares, uncertainty and longing. Longing?!
Well, Jason may have been distasteful and he had dirty underwear; however, I also felt excitement when he put his penis to my face. I was fascinated. It looked okay. Not very big, it had volume (thickness), and yes, its color and the fine hairs that grew around it. Will that happen to me? Will mine be a deep red hue, close to purple? I wouldn't know. I had never taken a close look at my endowment. Not that Jason appealed to me sexually, but I was getting sexually conscious about myself.
Why was I so concerned about my appearance in the most explicit area of my body? Was I over- sexed? Secretly, I cursed myself. Why did I have to be so weak? I'm so accident prone that my mom had taken me out of all sports and exerting exercises. I looked like a geek. Much as I detested the situation, there was nothing that I can do. This was getting worse by the day.
At 13, most boys' bodies were starting to develop. The shoulders start getting broader and the muscles more definition. Me..? I'm still like a kid. No mustache. No broad shoulders. No six-pack. No nothing! Not even pubic hair! To make matters worse, my voice was still like it was when I was 4 years old. Most of my mom's friends mistook me for her when I answered the phone. I hated that.
Now, many people would find this bizarre, but I assure you it's true. We Chinese believed that every human being had a demon in his heart. It takes control sometimes, and we do things we regret. It puts fear, anxiety, uncertainty and distrust in you. In short, it's an opened Pandora's Box! Me? I had my own, of course.
I see it all the time, whenever I close my eyes. It is vivid, yet not clear. I see a face, well an apparition in the darkness. You can almost see the features, but it seems so far away. It's seems to be mocking me in life and always there at the back of my mind. That night when I slept, the face appeared in my dreams. I could feel the heat rising around me. Why was the darkness so menacing and intimidating to me? I had long gotten used to the darkness, but this made me very uncomfortable. I tried to turn away, but I just couldn't see anything else. Maybe I couldn't turn away at all, but it seems that the face followed my every single movement. As it faded away, a dim light started to appear. It got bigger and brighter. I wanted to move toward it, but everything was so still. It moved towards me as I was trying to clamber for it. As it got closer, Jason's face started materializing and I wanted to run. He was flicking his knife and smirking. I felt a pain, and immediately was jerked awake from my sleep. 6:30AM!
Time to get ready for school. I dreaded the day as Dawn was spreading her light trail over the sky. The chirping of birds sounded noisy. A thousand chirps resounded in my ears; irritating, repetitive and noisy. I turn to get the cup with my milk, and got up to go to the sink. Crash! I only saw the handle in my hand. The cup lay smashed on the floor. Was this an omen?
I cycled to school lost in thought. As I entered the gates, I could feel all eyes on me. This made me uneasy as the school building loomed before me. Trying to shake the feeling, I pushed my bike into the shed. Why did the place look so deserted today? Fear crept on me, and I made my way quickly to my History class. I sat at the front of the class and the History teacher always seemed to like that. I didn't talk much, as I hadn't many friends.
Halfway through the class, the teacher made Jason sit beside me. Apparently, Jason had been talking. As he sat down and set his bag between our chairs, Jason sort of tripped and he reach out to support himself. Oooooofffffffff!!!! The bastard deliberately slammed his palm into my crotch. I winced, but didn't dare say a word. He looked at me through the slit of his eyes and I knew he had pretended to slip.
The History class that day was so difficult to get through. It finally ended, and it was time for our break. We all waited for the teacher to exit before standing up to leave. I was roughly pushed back into my chair by a hand on my shoulder. I felt a few slaps on my face and heard Jason say, "You think you have good moves, huh faggot?" I clenched my fists and stood up. Jason turned his face to the side and challenged me, "You wanna hit me? Right here on the left side.." He pointed to his face. "I dare you!" At that moment, I just lost it. I slapped him on the right and rammed my fist into his left cheek when his face turned after the slap. I could see my palm print on his ugly mug. I stood up and walked out to the canteen.
The rest of the day, he kept out of my way. I could see him looking at me all the time and murmuring to his 'goons' when he did. As the day came to an end, I made my way to the bicycle shed, and started pushing my bike out into the crowd. "Careful. They're waiting for you at the gate. Hop on your bike and pedal as fast as you can before you reach the entrance." George told me. He was one of my classmates. And that I did.
Now, as you know, I didn't participate in any sport, and cycling was the only form of exercise I had because of my accident when I was younger. I kept at it and was very good. I would pedal very swiftly and glide gracefully, enjoying the breeze caressing my face and running through my hair, as I did.
And so, I had picked up enough speed to zip past Jason and his 'goons' at the gate with no difficulty. But I hadn't foreseen the coming catastrophe in store for me. I had felt the menace of Jason and Co. when they looked at me in class, but just couldn't put my finger on what it was. In a matter of seconds, I found out. Our school was located at the top of a hill. It wasn't too steep that you rushed downhill, but if you were speeding down it, it became breakneck speed.
Twenty yards from the school gates, I gripped the brakes trying to slow down. God! Where were the brakes? I wasn't slowing down, I was gaining speed fast as I plunged downhill. I tried putting my legs down on the ground to slow myself, but the pedals caught my knees and I winced in pain as they banged into my knees. I looked down and sure enough, the brakes were cut.
'Okay, don't panic. You'll be at the foot of the hill soon, and then you'll be able to slow down.' I thought Oh, Shit! I looked up and saw a truck crossing the intersection, directly in my path! 'Think! Think! This isn't happening again?' I was heading straight into another accident on my bicycle....
Continued in Chapter III