Disclaimer
All the usual legal stuff - this is a work of fiction, it involves a relationship between two females, the characters depicted are not minors (being 18yo+ and of college age) etc.
Please not that this is more of a romantic piece than a sex story per se. Yes there is erotic content, but you'll need to be patient to get to it ;-)
Email: kathym83@topmail.ca
Sweet Summer of Love
by Kathy Goldman
It was on a sultry, typically cloudless Canadian summer's afternoon that I finally realized that I was in love with my best friend. We were hanging out on the beach, not for from the house in which we were staying together. She was lying on her back on the sand grinning up at me, awaiting a response to a quip she'd made just a moment before. But I was lost. Lost in her eyes, lost in her brilliant smile, lost in her peaches and cream skin. A curious sensation prickled at my navel and my breath shortened.
In love. Could I really feel that way about another girl? My senses were leaving me in little doubt. At that moment, I wanted her badly. So badly. My heart raced.
I must have blushed, because Alicia's smile transformed into something else entirely. She looked concerned.
"Are you okay Jess?" she asked. "You've gone all space cadet on me and you look kinda flushed."
"Um yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled, my eyes firmly averted away from hers. "Just a bit dizzy. I think I must have had too much sun. I'm going inside for a shower."
I made a quick getaway from the beach back into the house, anxious to avoid further questions.
There were nine of us staying in that house that summer. Nine close friends celebrating the end of our high school lives by getting together for one last long party by the beach. We'd found an old beachfront holiday house for rent in the popular Tofino area on the internet and raised the cash for a three week stay. Tofino is a holiday town on the western side of Vancouver Island, near the gorgeous Pacific Rim National Park. We were four days in. The freedom was exhilarating. But it was tempered by sorrow at the knowledge that this would probably be the last time we'd all be together in one place. University, or work, was about to tear us apart.
There were three couples in the group, and three of us flying solo. Five girls and four guys. I had broken up with my boyfriend of sixteen months – Nate – just a few weeks earlier, leading into exams. It had been a stressful time, and I was only just starting to get my head back together.
I had a bitterly cold shower. It seemed appropriate. The cold needles of water stung at my skin and I closed my eyes, pleased to have a few minutes of solace away from the others to try and sort myself out.
What was I feeling? Why was I feeling it? Was I gay? Bisexual? It was confusing and deeply unsettling.
It hadn't come out of the blue, that much I did know. I'd felt a growing physical attraction to Alicia over the last year or so. I'd resisted it hard. I couldn't be gay; I'd had several boyfriends after all. I liked boys, didn't I? I'd rationalized the feelings to myself as normal, as a natural consequence of two people spending as much time to together as we did. But since I'd ended things with Nate it had become almost unbearable. I found myself regularly transfixed by her eyes, her legs, her bare shoulders. I couldn't get her out of my head. I'd started to dream about her, even.
She and I had been besties for the last four years, ever since I'd moved to the small community in British Columbia that we were now all on the brink of leaving. We were unlikely best friends in some ways. I was tallish, fair-haired, and athletic. She was petite, dark-haired, and creative. I was an accomplished cross country runner, she was a talented violinist. I was shy around the opposite sex; she was vivacious and a terrible flirt.
We'd always had an intense chemistry in spite of those differences, or perhaps because of them. When we were together it felt like the rest of the world didn't exist. We could talk endlessly, and had a gentle teasing banter that we fell into and out of with ease. We had no secrets. She could read me like an open book, and I her.
We were also very physically affectionate for friends. The hand holding, the snuggling, the lingering kisses everywhere but on the lips were all normal for BFFs I'd reassured myself; but I was beginning to wonder.
The house we were staying in had four bedrooms. Two of the couples – Michael and Olivia and Ryan and Louise had their own bedrooms. Alicia and her boyfriend Josh were sleeping separately. She and I were sharing the smallest of the bedrooms, a space so tiny it seemed to be entirely consumed by the narrow double bed that filled it. Josh and the only single male, Blair, were sharing the remaining bedroom. Samantha, also single, was sleeping on the couch downstairs.
Alicia and Josh's relationship was on the rocks. Once again Alicia's interest in a boyfriend had waned a few months in. It was a pattern for her. It didn't help that they were about to go off in opposite directions in life. Alicia had been accepted into the same University as me in Vancouver. Josh had accepted a traineeship at a publishing company in Quebec.
Alicia had been oddly insistent on the pair of us sharing a bedroom. She should have been sleeping with Josh. She'd been acting strangely lately. I wondered, not for the first time, if there was a chance she was feeling something similar to me.
Try as I might to sort out my feelings rationally in the shower all I could think about was Alicia wearing nothing but her skimpy blue swimsuit, down by the seaside. I had it bad. And it was terrifying.
I was naked and toweling myself off in the bedroom when Alicia came in.
"Al! Don't you believe in knocking. I'm not dressed yet!"
"Since when did you care? There's nothing there I haven't seen before." She grinned at me, her eyes twinkling.
She sat down on the bed and watched me as I continued to dry off. She was still only wearing the bikini, which didn't exactly put me at ease.
"So I have news," she said. "Ryan apparently told Louise that Blair thinks you're hot and he's keen to hook up now that Nate is out of the picture."
She was carefully observing my reaction, I could tell.
I sighed.
"You know I'm not up for something this soon Al..." I trailed off.
"Not even a few weeks of no-strings attached rebound sex?"
"Not even that."
"Spoil sport," she laughed. But she sounded relieved.
"He is kinda sexy though," I countered; mostly to test out her reaction.
And he was. Blair was hot in a masculine, macho guy kind of way. He was sports obsessed and played representative ice hockey. He was extremely popular and had had a string of gorgeous cheerleader girlfriends. He was a good friend of Nate's, so we'd spent plenty of time together over the last year.
"So you are interested then?"
I hedged. "Not really...I don't know. I'll see what happens." By this time I'd dried off and had the towel firmly wrapped around me.
"A lot of girls would jump at the chance to hook up with Blair Davidson." Her gaze seemed to be lingering a little too long on my all too exposed cleavage.
"Well I'm not most girls, am I?"
"No, you're not." Her tone was intense. Surprised by it, I tried to catch her eye, but she'd quickly looked away.
"I'll be downstairs in a bit anyways," I said.
"What, you're not going to get dressed in front of me?" She teased, her eyes full of mischief.
I laughed and tossed my pillow at her. "Go away."
"Wear the indigo dress. You look smoking hot in that." She escaped out the door before I had a chance to throw the pillow at her again.
It was dusk by the time I arrived back downstairs, and tonight's party was well under way.
"There you are!" Samantha raced over and hugged me.
"How much have you had to drink already?" I asked, trying to detangle myself from her.
She swayed slightly on the spot. "Just three or four cocktails."
"Give or take another two or three." Josh added, appearing behind me and winking my way. Josh was an emo looking guy. Tall and pale, with dark hair grown a little too long and a perpetual five o'clock shadow. He played bass guitar in a local death metal band and was a bit of a stoner. He was sexy in a grungy kind of way I supposed - if you were into that sort of thing.
"We're taking down some more drinks, could you carry these please." He handed me a couple of six packs of beer.
I followed the pair of them down onto the beach where everyone was sitting around a bonfire. The Killers 'When You Were Young' was pumping out over the beach from the verandah.
Blair wolf whistled as I approached the group, eyeing my appreciatively.
"I see you took my fashion advice," Alicia murmured into my ear as I settled on the sand beside her. She laid her head against my shoulder and nestled in close. So close that I could feel her warm breath against my neck. She smelt amazing too. She was wearing Ralph Lauren's Romance, a sweet floral fragrance, her signature scent. It was positively distracting.
Josh was sitting across from us, looking unhappy.
The night wore on pleasantly. We drank, chatted and danced. It was like most of the nights we'd spent at Tofino so far. Relaxed, high spirited, carefree.
Alicia spent most of the night doing her best to avoid any one on one time with Josh, as she had every night since we'd arrived.
Late in the evening I was engaged in a lively, if drunken, debate about the meaning of life with Olivia, Ryan and Alicia when Blair appeared by my side, his arm outstretched to help me up.
"Come for a walk along the beach with me?" He had puppy dog, beseeching eyes.
I hesitated for a moment, caught by surprise.
"Sure." What was the harm?
We made small talk for a while as we walked, until we were far out of earshot of the group. Then we sat down on the sand, near the ocean's edge. The sea lapped gently at us, occasionally racing up and covering my naked toes before pulling back out into the depths.
"You look so gorgeous tonight Jessica," he started, suddenly serious.
I smiled at him. "Thanks, you're sweet." I paused, "but look before you say anything else...I'm not really ready yet, you know–"
"After Nate?"
"Yeah, after Nate." It wasn't entirely the real reason, but it would do.
"That's too bad." He sounded subdued.
"I'm sorry." And I was. Physically he was my type and he had a killer personality. We'd always gotten on really well. So why the heck wasn't I attracted to him? The answer was obvious, and maddening.
"That's cool," he sighed. "I'm not sure I should give up that easily though. I think you could do with having some fun. You're not smiling as much as you used to." He nudged me affectionately.
"I'm working on getting my groove back after the big break up, don't worry," I laughed.
The conversation became playful after that, and we ended up having a sprint race back to the others which he won, naturally.
We collapsed on the sand together on arrival, laughing and out of breath.
"The lovebirds are back. Let's get this game under way." Olivia hollered, clapping her hands together.
Everyone was sitting around in a circle. They'd been waiting on us to return.
"We're playing spin the bottle," Alicia said, eyeing Blair and I warily.
"Spin the bottle? Aren't we getting a bit old for that?" I asked.
"You're never too old for spin the bottle," Olivia replied, casting a withering glance my way.
"So...ground rules," she began, "the kiss must be at least ten seconds long, and there must be tongue. Wherever the bottle ends up pointing, that's who you're kissing – no excuses, no cop outs."
There were a few murmurs of dissent, but none loud enough to dissuade her.
I sat down in the circle next to Alicia. Blair sat across from us.
As fate would have it, Blair got to spin first and the bottle, when it finally came to rest, was pointing my way.
Everybody clapped and cheered.
"Go Blair!" Michael hooted.
"Stand up in the middle and go for it," Olivia ordered. She really did get bossy when she'd had a few drinks.
We stood up and Blair pulled me to him and moved in for the kiss. It was a pleasant kiss, if a little rough. It didn't do a lot for me. He was grinning when we broke apart though.
Alicia, who'd been watching us intently, had a strange expression on her face as I sat down. For once I couldn't read it. Was she annoyed? Jealous? Bored? Was I over analyzing?
"He seems smitten," she said rather acidly in my ear as I readied to spin the bottle for my turn.
I contemplated replying, but didn't. Only a few hours earlier she'd been urging me to date the guy. It was confusing. So instead I spun the bottle and it was reply enough, I suppose. When it finally came to a stop it was pointing at Alicia.
The guys made a lot of noise when they realized what they were about to see, excited to get some girl on girl action.
"How hot will this be?" Ryan laughed. Louise elbowed him in the ribs.
For a moment I was frozen to the spot. I hadn't expected to have to confront the afternoon's realizations quite so soon.
All of the guys – with the exception of Josh – began a steady drum roll on the sand. Josh had his arms folded and had a curious look of resignation on his face.
We stood up and faced each other, the bonfire flickering and crackling in the background. It felt strange having everyone watching a moment I would have very much preferred to have occurred in private. Alicia flashed me an encouraging smile, but she looked apprehensive.
She seemed unwilling or simply unable to initiate the kiss, so I did. Being taller than her I leant down; put a hand either side of her face and gently placed my lips against hers. Our noses touched. Her lips were so soft, and she tasted faintly of peach schnapps. She responded hesitantly, and then increasingly fiercely. After a while she slipped her tongue between my lips. I met her tongue with mine. It became a drawn-out, lingering kiss that neither of us seemed able to break. Lost in the moment Alicia began to moan softly, before, realizing the sound she'd just made she pulled away, embarrassed.
Everyone was silent for a few seconds after we broke apart. Alicia was breathing deeply and looked stunned. My senses were buzzing. That was some serious chemistry. She'd felt something too, I was sure of it. The kiss, and her reaction to it, had betrayed her.
"That was way longer than ten seconds," Ryan exclaimed, breaking the awkward silence.
"That was really sexy," Blair chimed in, smirking.
Josh looked conflicted.
We both sat down, neither able to look at each other.
The game continued but I felt like I was somewhere else entirely. I was glad when things finally wrapped up, an hour or so later.
Unusually Alicia and I kept our distance from each other as we returned indoors and prepared for bed.
I hung around downstairs chatting with Samantha and Blair, feeling nervous about the trip up to the bedroom into which Alicia had disappeared some time ago.
Finally I said my goodnights.
There were raised voices behind our door when I got upstairs. I hesitated, my hand on the door knob, not sure if I should enter.
Josh was there.
"You've never kissed me like that."
"Josh it was just a game...you're making too much of it." Alicia's tone was impatient, dismissive.
"Bullshit. What have you two been getting up to in here at night?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Come off it Al. I'm not blind. You two are joined at the hip and it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if there was something going on. I've seen the way you look at her and I'm not buying that that was just a kiss between friends tonight," he said. "It was a little too enthusiastic, don't you think?"
"You've totally lost it this time Josh." She sounded incensed. "Jess and I are just friends. You know that."
"Why the hell are you sleeping in here with her then, and not me? We're supposed to be a couple for fucks sake."
"We haven't been much of a couple lately," she replied flatly.
"That's for sure. You haven't put out for weeks Al. You're completely over us. You've spent every day since we got here avoiding me."
She didn't try and deny it. In fact she didn't say anything at all.
"Whatever. I've had it. I'm out, I'm done," Josh said, the frustration and anger all too apparent in his voice.
It had gone silent so I opened the door and went in.
"Hi guys." I said brightly, trying my best to give the impression that I'd only just arrived on the scene.
"I was just leaving," Josh spat out as he brushed pass me, slamming the door shut behind him.
Alicia had been crying.
"Did you hear much of that?" She asked.
"Yeah a little bit," I said. "I'm sorry. I was coming up to bed."
She had her head in her hands. "He thinks we're sleeping together. You and me." She shook her head, seemingly disbelieving. "It's insane. I think he just broke up with me over it."
I moved over to where she was sitting on the bed and wrapped my arms around her. She didn't resist, but it did start her crying again.
"Well I guess you guys did need a reason to deal with your issues. Does it matter if it was real or not in the end?" I offered.
She sighed. "I guess not."
I tucked her into bed, before undressing and slipping in beside her.
"It'll be okay," I murmured, stroking her hair soothingly.
She lay there quietly for a long time. I thought she'd fallen asleep. I started to drift off myself.
"Jess?"
"Mmm?"
"That kiss tonight..." she began, hesitantly. "I don't know...it felt strange, but good. I didn't expect it to be like that....between us"
I propped myself up on my pillow again, suddenly very awake.
"Yeah it was nice. More than nice, actually."
She sighed.
"Do you think maybe we've gotten too close, that we've crossed a line we shouldn't have?"
I had no idea how to answer that, because the truth was I only wanted to get closer. When I didn't reply immediately she changed the subject anyway, to something else that was clearly preoccupying her.
"Are you and Blair having a thing now? You were gone for ages on the beach together tonight."
"No, not at all."
"Why not?" She probed. "He really likes you. It's obvious. I think he's always had a thing for you."
I sunk back down onto my pillow. "He's too much like Nate, and I'm just not into him enough, okay? Stop with the pestering already."
She didn't respond straight away. I could see her frowning to herself in the dim light, thinking.
"I don't want you to get with him," she came out with finally.
"What?" I was shocked.
"It's nice that you're single for a change," she explained. "You were with Nate for so long. And now that I'm probably single too...we can be single together."
"Single together huh? Are we gonna do a Thelma and Louise too - take a road trip, hit up some bars, cruise for hot guys, drive off a cliff?" I joked.
"Maybe something like that, yeah." She laughed.
We were silent for a while again and then she asked, "So who was the better kisser, Blair or me?"
"You're not seriously asking me that question?"
"I am," she giggled. "C'mon, you must have thought about it."
"Blair," I growled.
"You're lying!"
"Fine! Yes, I'm lying. Satisfied?"
She was grinning to herself in the moonlight.
"Good night Al," I whispered softly.
"G'night Jess."
When I awoke the next morning, the sun was streaming in through the window across the two of us.
I realized with a start that we were spooning. I was on my side and Alicia was draped across me, one arm tucked around my waist the other under my arm. Her cheek was nestled against my neck. She was drooling slightly, which I should have found gross but instead couldn't help but find cute.
I couldn't move without waking her, so I lay still enjoying the feeling of being in her arms.
Eventually she roused, though she made no attempt at all to move.
"G'morning," she mumbled sleepily, nuzzling at my neck playfully with the tip of her nose.
"Oh shit, I slobbered on you, sorry," she laughed.
"I'll survive."
She moved her hand around until she found my hand, and laced her fingers through mine.
"You know if someone came in right now..." She began.
"They'd get the wrong idea?" I finished.
"Well I guess you may as well do the crime if you're already doing the time," she joked, her voice husky.
At least I thought she was joking. She was moving her other hand lazily under the singlet I was wearing and towards my breast as she said it. But then there was a knock on the door and we quickly pulled apart. Samantha came bounding into the room and jumped onto the bed.
"Hey guys," she greeted us. "Are you ever getting out of bed?"
Alicia rolled her eyes.
"We don't all have your amazing energy levels in the morning Sam," I replied sarcastically.
She beamed back at me, not taking the bait.
"So what are we doing today?" She asked. Sam was one of those people that just assumed that other people would make plans for her and she'd tag along.
I sat up in bed and ran a hand through my long, honey colored hair. "I was planning on taking the trailer-sailor out for a sail this afternoon," I replied.
The trailer-sailor was the small sailboat I'd brought on the trip with us, a graduation present from my parents. I'd been sailing single handed sailboats since I was twelve, and had a cupboard full of trophies from competitive summer sailing over the past six years.
Sam scrunched up her nose, "No thanks." Sam hated sailing; she invariably got sea sick even on water that was as smooth as glass.
"Maybe you and I could just go out together? We could take a packed lunch and some wine," Alicia suggested.
I nodded happily. "That sounds great." We exchanged a meaningful look. The strong urge I felt to be alone with her was mutual, it seemed.
"Sounds romantic," Sam teased. We both glared in her direction.
"Whatever," she giggled, "but good luck keeping Blair out of the boat, he's been gushing about wanting to go out in it since we got here."
"Probably sees it as a way into Jessica's pants," Alicia grumbled.
"Probably," Sam laughed. "He's really into you Jess. You should have heard him last night after you went up to bed. Jessica's so gorgeous, Jessica's so smart, Jessica's so athletic..."
I put my hand up to stop her. "I really don't want to hear it."
"Why not? He's hot, you should go for it."
"One, it's embarrassing to hear what other people have been saying about you. Two, I'm not interested in him," I said, adamantly. Alicia gave me a sympathetic look. Sam could be a pain sometimes.
"Okay then," Sam said in a disappointed voice, her gaze moving back and forth between the two of us suspiciously.
She shifted her attention to Alicia. "So the goss is that you and Josh had a big fight last night?"
Alicia looked uncomfortable. She didn't like being reminded of last night's events, clearly.
"Yeah, we did. We broke up," Alicia said in a somber tone.
"What? No way!" Sam said, her voice rising excitedly. "That's huge news."
"I'm going for a shower," Alicia cut her off before she could ask any more questions.
Samantha raised an eyebrow at me as Alicia hurried out of the room. "She's not taking it too well, huh?"
"It'll take time," I replied. But I wasn't so sure.
Alicia and I tried to get ready for the sail as inconspicuously as possible. We made some sandwiches and found a bottle of white wine. The others were immersed in a game of poker out on the deck so they didn't take much notice of us.
We'd managed to launch the boat before Blair caught sight of us from the verandah. He waved dramatically, trying to get our attention. "Wait for me," he shouted.
"Oh fuck, your puppy dog's coming," Alicia exclaimed under her breath.
"At least it's not Josh. That would have made for a seriously awkward afternoon," I quipped.
Blair, now shirtless, had waded out to the boat. He had a nice chest, even I couldn't help noticing. "Hi guys!" He was smiling very broadly. "Thanks for waiting for me."
"No problem Blair," Alicia replied, false-brightly. She flashed him a fake smile.
I shot her a 'behave' look to which she responded by poking her tongue out at me. All of which was lost on Blair.
We got underway. The wind was quite strong so it pushed us rapidly towards our destination – an island out in the middle of the bay. Alicia was sunning herself at the front of the boat, her fingers trailing along in the water as we skimmed across the sea. I found it difficult to keep my eyes off of her. She was wearing her swimsuit and a dark blue sarong that matched her eyes. She'd tied her shoulder length dark hair back in a pony tail. A strand had escaped, however, and was billowing in the wind.
"It sure is beautiful out here," Blair commented shading his eyes and looking out towards the entrance of the bay.
"Yes it is," I replied intensely, my eyes locked on Alicia's exposed midriff. At that moment she sat up on her elbows and met my gaze. She smirked knowingly. I blushed and looked away, pretending to be preoccupied by a need to adjust the mainsail.
We reached the island at around two o'clock. It was a small, flat land mass, only a few hundred yards in diameter. It was fringed with silver fir trees, but the centre was daisy strewn grassland. The only structure on the island was a brick toilet block. After exploring for a little while we spread out the picnic blanket and started on lunch. Blair and Alicia drank most of the wine and became quite tipsy. I stuck to half a glass, conscious that I was in charge of sailing the boat back home afterwards.
I lay stretched out on a towel soaking in the sun whilst they drank. I'd stripped down to my white bikini and was trying my best to darken an already considerable tan. I occupied myself by linking together a pile of daisies I'd plucked from the ground around me into a small bracelet. Once I'd finished I offered it up to Alicia.
"Thanks babe," she grinned, slipping it onto her wrist. We exchanged a look that verged on the mutually adoring.
The alcohol loosened up conversation, and talk soon turned to sex.
"So how many guys have you girls slept with?" Blair asked.
Alicia grinned and held up three fingers.
"Just three? You're a good girl," Blair teased.
She giggled tipsily and indicated in my direction, "I'm a slut compared to Jess."
Blair raised an eyebrow, surprised.
"One for me," I mumbled.
"For real?"
"Yep."
"Only Nate then?"
"Yep." I was keen to shift the conversation away from my sexual inexperience as quickly as possible.
"Isn't she just oh so sweet and wholesome?" Alicia teased in a high voice.
"Very." Blair agreed, grinning broadly and not bothering to disguise at all a long, lusty glance along the length of my body.
"You look like you could do with some more lotion on your back," he said. Before I could respond, he'd dropped down beside me and squirted lotion out onto his hands.
His hands moved across my back for what seemed an interminable time. Occasionally his hands strayed down the sides of my breasts. I didn't protest. The lotion felt deliciously cool against my hot skin.
"There ya go, all done," he said at last.
"Thanks." I smiled at him shyly. He lay down on his side next to me, elbow in the sand and gazed into my eyes.
Alicia - who'd been sitting in silence, arms crossed watching us - stood up abruptly and pulled me to her.
"C'mon, bathroom break time Jess."
She led me along by the hand, leaving a quizzical Blair in our wake.
"Al," I began, "what the—?"
But by then we were inside the brick building, hidden from view, and her intent became clear. All in one motion she forced me – gently – against the wall, reached up, linked her hands behind my neck and brought my mouth down onto hers. The kiss was fierce and determined, and after a moment of surprise I responded hungrily. Her body was pressed tightly against mine, and I ran my hands down her back.
"I know it's wrong but I want you so much right now," she whispered as we broke apart at last for air.
We kissed again, this time more tenderly. It was intoxicating.
I felt dizzy from the sun and Alicia's proximity. I tried to get a grip.
"What are we doing?"
"We're making out in the toilets silly," she purred. Her lips were on my neck, planting delicate kisses.
"I can't get you out of my head, after that kiss last night." She was nibbling at my earlobe now, her breath warm.
"And Blair having his hands on you drove me a little crazy," she admitted.
"You've been drinking–" I managed to get out a moment before she kissed me full on the lips again.
"Does it matter? Just live in the moment a little," she urged.
Her hands moved to my back, where she tugged at the string that held my bikini top up.
"Al, stop." I pulled away.
"What's wrong? I know you want this too." She was frowning, frustrated. A worried look crossed her face and she asked hesitantly, "You do, don't you?"
"Yeah I do. But not like this. You've had too much to drink. Blair is going to be wondering what we're doing in here. And honestly a quickie in a toilet block isn't exactly what I had in mind for us."
"What do you want then Jess?" She asked, irritated. "I think we should just do it and get it out of our system," she added, her gaze fixed somewhere above my head.
Just do it, the Nike philosophy to life. Somehow I didn't think it was going to cut it as a starting point for a serious relationship.
"I don't think it works that way," I replied flatly. "I have feelings for you Al ...I can't just...I...I think I might be in love with you," I stammered. As soon as the words were out I knew I'd made a huge mistake. Too much, too soon. Stupid me.
Her hand moved instinctively to the gold crucifix she always wore around her neck. And that was the elephant in the room. Alicia's father was an Anglican minister at a local parish back home. Whilst she was one of the least religious Christians I'd ever met – mostly out of reaction to her family – she was still a Christian. There were some boundaries for her, apparently.
"You know I can't go there," she said softly, a pained expression on her face.
We stared into each others eyes. We were at an impasse.
Blair's voice outside broke into the unhappy silence that hung between us.
"Um, girls it's getting late. Are you ever coming out of there or what?"
We kept our distance in bed that night, and conversation was minimal. There was a tension between us that even our housemates had noticed and commented on.
I lay awake late into the night worrying that her lust and my feelings may have done irreparable damage to our friendship. Could she really want me without loving me? I didn't believe it, I wouldn't believe it.
I rose early in the morning and went for a long jog along the beach with my iPod. When I got back Alicia had gone.
"She and Sam went into town," Louise informed me.
I spent most of the day with Blair and Ryan, playing cards and drinking too much. I was intensely depressed.
It became a pattern. The days blurred into each other. The silence and avoidance continued. It was oppressive.
Things came to a head the following Saturday. Some of us were planning a trip to a local club that night. At breakfast that morning Blair had very publicly asked me go as his date. Perhaps he thought I'd find it harder to refuse in front of everyone, I don't know.
My immediate impulse was of course to turn him down, but I realized that it presented an opportunity to up the ante with Alicia, so I took it.
I spent ages that evening choosing the right clothes and doing myself up. I'd decided to go for the rock chick look.
I had my clothes spread out on the bed and was busy brushing my hair in my underwear when Alicia came in. She did a double take when she saw me there. For a moment she watched me in silence, her back against the door, arms folded. She took in my state of undress and visibly fought for composure.
"What are you doing? You don't want to date him," she came out with finally. "You're just leading him on. It's really shitty behavior Jessica."
Jessica not Jess, she only called me by my full name when she was really pissed off.
"It's none of your business." I replied, avoiding eye contact.
"Are you trying to make me jealous?"
"Why would I think that would work?" I raised an enquiring eyebrow at her. "You only want to fuck me, you don't care who I date, do you?"
I could hear the anger in my own voice, and I instantly regretted it.
She bit her lip, turned and stormed out of the room.
I was the last one to make it downstairs. Blair was the only one still inside waiting. I was decked out in my favorite pair of vintage Levis and a figure hugging black Soulscar tank top. I'd tied my hair up and gone heavy on the mascara.
"You don't look pure tonight," Blair flashed me a wicked grin as he took my hand.
Alicia was outside with Olivia and Sam, leaning against my SUV. She looked beautiful, as usual. But so sad. I smiled at her reassuringly as we got into the car, she didn't smile back.
The club was already pumping when we arrived.
It was a large open space - a converted old warehouse. Management had painted the walls black and put in a bar, a sound system, some lighting and some seating around the sides, but that was the extent of the transformation.
Blair and I went straight out to join the crush of bodies on the dance floor. Alicia sat with Olivia and Sam at the bar.
We danced for what felt like hours. The music pulsed monotonously. It was hot and smoky. Blair's shirt was wringing wet with sweat within minutes. His musky scent was inescapable, assaulting my senses.
Eventually we peeled off for a break and headed for the bar. He directed me away from where the others were sitting, however. I presumed he wanted a private drink. But he wanted more than that. When we got to the bar he wrapped his arms around my waist and tried to kiss me from behind.
His lips brushed against the side of my mouth. I pulled away, surprised.
"I'm sorry Blair, I really can't do this—"
"Jess—"
I lurched away from him, pushing my way through the crowd, desperately seeking the exit and some fresh air. My head was swimming.
At last I found the doorway and I staggered through it out into the dimly lit street. A cool wind washed over me, refreshing my senses. I sat down on the steps of a nearby shop and looked up despairingly at the stars. What had I been thinking?
"So I guess someone's not getting laid tonight," a husky voice came from behind me.
Alicia was there, her head tilted on an angle, watching me from the doorway.
"Very funny Al."
She sat down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder.
"This is all so fucked up," I sighed.
"It is," she agreed.
"I'm so sorry about tonight. I thought if I tried to force things, maybe—"
"It's okay, I know." She squeezed my hand reassuringly.
We sat in silence for a long time, watching the stars and the occasional car that whizzed past.
"I'm in love with you," she came out with all of a sudden. Her voice broke a little as she said it.
"I've been thinking a lot the past week...I realized that this has been going on for a long time...and I've avoided dealing with it because it's so scary and so complicated and I didn't want to freak out my parents." She took a deep breath. "But I've always had this attraction to you. I just couldn't deal."
The words kept tumbling out. "I know it will be difficult...with my family and everyone else. But we're adults now, and we're about to start a new life, together in the same place. The old rules, they don't have to apply, do they?"
She reached across and caressed my cheek. I melted completely as I looked into her eyes.
"No, they don't," I replied softly. It was a huge step for her, I knew, to say these things.
"I missed you so much the last week, it drove me crazy..." Her voice trailed off.
"I missed you too."
It had started to rain – a fine drizzle that was slowly soaking our clothes. But neither of us cared.
I cupped her face in my hands. I kissed her lightly on her wet lashes, on the tip of her nose and finally I kissed her beautiful lips. It was a long, tender, expressive kiss.
We were breathless when we finally broke apart. We were also both quite wet. Alicia was wearing a white lace top that was now almost transparent. It clung to her skin suggestively. My eyes lingered on the outline of her bra. It was light purple. She followed my gaze. "You perv!" She was laughing though. She tried to tickle me, but I caught her wrists and it ended in another long kiss instead.
"I want to do so many things to you," she whispered into my ear as we broke apart again.
She traced a fingertip seductively around my lips.
Lost in each other we had forgotten that we were out in public, and whilst it was a moonless night the streetlights meant that we were still visible to passers by.
"So there you two are!" Samantha exclaimed.
Louise, Olivia and Samantha were standing above us, bemused. Alicia, caught with her finger to my lips, looked sheepish. We had been sitting very close together, our limbs entwined. We pulled apart.
"Well I guess you guys are friends again," Louise said in an `ain't-that-an-understatement' tone of voice.
"Sorry to interrupt, err, whatever was going on out here, but we want to head home."
Her eyebrows were raised. I wasn't entirely sure if she disapproved of or was amused by what she had just seen.
"And you need me to drive...Sure thing," I said.
Blair had apparently picked up some random girl and gone back to her place so he didn't come home with us that night. Awkwardness avoided, temporarily at least.
"Do you think they saw us making out?" I whispered into Alicia's ear as we got out of the car back at the house.
She shrugged. "I dunno, I don't think so." She smiled at me reassuringly, but I knew it must have been worrying her. It was one thing to gather the courage to accept and express her feelings; it was another to have our friends know about us so soon. I wasn't too keen on the prospect either.
Once we were back inside nobody else seemed ready for bed just yet, so we all sprawled around the lounge room with drinks and chatted.
Alicia, draped across one of the sofas listening to Samantha babble about a boy she'd flirted with at the club, kept flashing me exasperated looks. Alone time was proving difficult.
When it came time to refill drinks Alicia was quick to her feet, and shot me a follow me glance.
Alone together in the kitchen we stole a brief kiss.
"Do you think they're ever going to bed?" She moaned impatiently, running her fingers through my hair.
"We could just go up on our own..." I suggested.
"After what they saw out on the street, us being super keen to get up to bed together may not be the best look!"
"Good point," I laughed.
Alicia had lifted herself up onto the kitchen bench. She pulled me to her.
"Now I'm taller," she joked, gazing down at me with a look of smug satisfaction.
"Enjoy it while it lasts shorty," I teased.
Her mouth was on mine. Our bodies were pressed together, her legs wrapped around my waist. I felt her hand move up under my top and settle on my breast. Her hand slipped under my bra and began lightly circling my nipple. I let out an audible moan.
"Shhsh," she whispered, playfully putting a finger to my lips. "They'll catch us."
"You started it!"
"Where are our drinkies?" Olivia called out impatiently from the lounge.
We grinned at each other and decided to get back to others before we were sprung properly.
When we finally got up to the bedroom later that night we were both overcome by a sudden bout of shyness. Neither of us seemed to know how to start things.
I was a bundle of nerves. What was it going to be like – being with a girl? Would I know what to do? I hoped it would be less clumsy then my first time with a guy. Alicia was lying on her tummy, sprawled diagonally across our narrow bed. She watched me as I undressed shyly in front of her.
"You have such an amazing body." Her gaze was fixed on my naked upper half.
A ruthless athletics director at our high school was mostly responsible for that. The cross country team had been put through a grueling training regime this year.
"I prefer yours," I replied. Alicia's petite frame and soft curves were luscious.
Naked except for my underwear, I lay down beside her. I took her hand and began kissing her fingers one by one.
"Do you remember last summer, when you were lifeguarding at Callahan's?" She asked.
I nodded. Callahan's was our local aquatic center. I'd worked there the past few summers. It was where I'd first met Nate, two years ago. He'd been a lifeguard there too.
"I watched you and Nate together that summer. You seemed so happy and so right for each other. This perfect couple. I was awfully jealous, I didn't really know what of, but I was..."
I chuckled. "I know the feeling. You've had like five boyfriends in the last two years and I could never work out why I managed to end up hating every one of them!"
"It's not the same though," she said, "You two were together for so long, and were so...I don't know, romantic, about the whole fucking thing. I mean, you guys did the whole wait for the right time to have sex–"
I leant across and kissed her briefly on the lips. "Why are we talking about my ex?" I asked softly.
"I guess I just don't want to rush you. If you want to take things slow, that's okay. If Nate was able to wait, then I can." She replied.
I smiled at her, amused. "That's a dramatic turn around for someone who was practically raping me a week ago."
"I know. That was crazy. I can be an impulsive freak sometimes," she said. "I just want this to be special for both of us. Not like all the other times."
"Other times?"
"I don't think I've had sex with someone I was in love with before," she admitted. Her eyes were sad.
It made sense. None of Alicia's previous relationships had lasted that long or gotten particularly serious. The best she'd managed was her recent four month stint with Josh. She had an uncanny knack of hooking up with guys who were wrong for her in some way or another. In hindsight, perhaps it wasn't entirely accidental.
She rolled on top of me and gazed down at me, her expression tender.
"I wish my first time had of been with you."
"Me too," I replied huskily.
She brushed a stray hair away from my eyes.
"I was so crushed that morning you called to tell me you'd finally slept with Nate," she said.
I'd been surprised by her reaction that day, almost six months ago. Losing my virginity had been a big deal to me, and I'd made Nate wait until I was sure he was the `one'. I'd expected her to be all excited, to grill me for details. Instead she'd been morose and cranky and had cut the call short. So I'd never gotten to tell her that I'd found it awkward, clumsy, an anti-climax.
"I remember." I ran a finger down her cheek until I reached her bottom lip, which I trailed the back of my thumb across.
"It will be special," I reassured her.
"I think we should go on at least one date first," she suggested, her expression coy.
"You want to date me?" I had trouble keeping the astonishment out of my voice.
"Why not? The anticipation is the best bit isn't it? Especially when you really, really want to do it with someone."
As if to highlight her point, she leant down and kissed me again. Her tongue traced lightly around the inside of my lips, teasing me for what seemed an age, before finally meeting mine.
She had a smug look on her face when we came up for air. "See."
"Okay then, but I'll need to sample the goods first."
"Will you just?" She flashed me an impish grin.
I rolled her over onto her back. Wordlessly I began unbuttoning her shirt, my eyes never leaving hers. It was a charged moment. It felt like I was unwrapping a long awaited present.
Her top disposed of; I moved my hands behind her back, unclasped her bra and cast it aside. She was now naked from the waist up. I drank in her bare breasts. They were stunning. I'd seen her naked plenty of times before, but it was so different this time around. When my gaze returned to her eyes I noticed that she was looking uncharacteristically self-conscious.
"You're so beautiful," I said, my voice raw. She broke out into a massive smile.
"I bet you say that to all the girls," she quipped.
"Only the ones I'm in the middle of seducing," I fired back, laughing.
The feel of her naked breasts pressed against mine was exquisite. I placed a finger to her lips. "No more talking," I whispered. She nodded her acquiescence.
I planted a series of delicate kisses along the length of her neck and in the hollows above her collar bone. Her skin was silky smooth and she smelt faintly of a mix of sandalwood and honey. I traced a fingertip around the gold crucifix that lay hanging against the nape of her neck. I brushed my lips against it. I felt her tremble underneath me.
Unable to resist her breasts any longer I ran a finger lightly around one of her nipples. It hardened instantly. I moved my mouth to it and trailed my tongue around it in a lazy, circular motion. She moaned softly and ran a hand through my hair.
I moved a hand down to her waist and started to fumble with the buttons on her jeans. She didn't resist. Once unbuttoned, I pulled her jeans down a little, so that they were sitting around her knees. I stroked the inside of her thighs, my touch light. She was wearing a lacy black thong; it was so very typical of her to be wearing naughty underwear. I resisted the urge to tease her about it. I took her entire nipple into my mouth and I suckled on it hungrily. Alicia's breathing became ragged. At the same time I began running my fingers along the outside of her thong. Through it I could feel that she was very wet, soaking even. I positioned my knee in between her legs and pushed it gently up against her crotch. Aroused, she spread her legs further apart and began thrusting her hips against me. Her hips and my knee began moving in a gentle, erotic rhythm.
I returned my mouth to hers and we shared a long, passionate kiss. "Oh god, Jess," she breathed when we broke apart at last. "You should stop. I can't hold–"
But it was too late. I felt her pelvic muscles contract beneath me. She had climaxed.
"Did you just do what I think you did?" I asked, disbelieving.
She nodded bashfully, her eyes shining.
I rolled off of her onto my side. I couldn't stop myself from laughing. "You are so easy."
"Hey!" She swatted at me, indignant.
"So much for waiting...You have zero self control." I teased, still laughing.
"That so doesn't count," she huffed. "And it's not normally that quick."
"Obviously it's my mad skills then," I quipped, playing with her hair.
"You cocky shit!" She attempted to tickle me, but I was ready for her. I caught her hands and wrapped my arms tightly around her, so that we were side-by-side, spooning.
She stopped struggling and lay there locked in my arms. I planted butterfly kisses along her shoulder. She sighed contentedly. I pushed her hair to one side and began kissing the side of her neck. She had such a beautiful, long, elegant neck.
"I love you," I said, my lips against her ear. It was so easy to say. I'd never been more sure of anything in my life.
"I love you too." Her voice was low and husky. She moved my hand to her breast and held it over her heart.
We fell asleep like that, our bodies entwined, totally blissed out.
Feel free to email me at kathym83@topmail.ca with comments and/or if you'd like me to continue this story. Be gentle! Kathy. xxx.