Swimmer's Story: Chapter 5
Author's Note:
SPECIAL THANKS to Nik and Jaime. You guys all rock!
Legal Stuff: This story contains graphic descriptions of homosexual acts, sexual and otherwise. If this offends you, you probably shouldn't have clicked the link to get here, and you really can't complain about your own stupidity.
Otherwise, enjoy.
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Chapter 5:
I ran.
Down the hall and down the stairs, out the door without heeding the anxious calls of Gabe's parents, and out into the night. The cool night air of spring felt good against my flushed cheeks. When I was about halfway to my house I stopped running, slowing my pace to a near-crawl as I tried to get my sobbing under control. I blinked furiously to try to clear my eyes before I made it home, not wanting my parents to see me in this moment of weakness. My head was a jumble, the only single coherent thought being my desire to get home and crawl into bed. I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve as I came up to my house, and tried to be natural.
Mum and Dad were in the living room watching a show. I said a brief hello as I walked by, and when my mom called after me to see why I wasn't at Gabe's I just said that he'd told me he needed some quiet time to himself tonight. I had never lied to them before, and apparently my answer was acceptable because I made it to my room without further questioning.
I was completely drained. My head was starting to hurt and I felt so incredibly tired. I dropped my ba on the floor and shucked my clothes into the hamper. I didn't even turn on a light. Wallowing in my misery, I crawled between the sheets after pressing the play button on my stereo. I told myself I would deal with everything I was thinking and feeling when I woke up tomorrow.
The tears came again, and it took a long time for me to fall asleep. Finally, it was with the sorrowfully sweet lyrics of Ariel, by October Project, that the black emptiness of my dreams took me away from the pain.
The day is breaking now
It's time to go away
I'm so afraid to leave
But more afraid to stay
Forgive me
For leaving
The sadness in your eyes
Forgive me
Let the wind and ocean water
Wash across your hands
Wash away a thousand footsteps
Wash us all away
Like sand
The sky has fallen
Now the earth is dry and torn
I know you're tired
From the violence of the storm
I love you
I love you
But you are all I know
Forgive me
Let the wind and ocean water
Wash across your hands
Wash away a thousand footsteps
Wash us all away
Let the wind and ocean water
Wash across your hands
Wash away a thousand memories
Wash us all away
Like sand
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BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP...
I groaned and rolled over, smashing my hand against the snooze button of the alarm clock. The offending machine fell off the night stand with a crash, but thankfully its wailing racket ceased. I groaned and rubbed at my eyes; Jesus, it felt like I hadn't slept at all.
The events of last night assaulted my consciousness anew, and I shut my eyes against the dawn light coming through my window. It was Saturday morning, 6 AM, and that meant I had to go to practice. Not only did I have to go to practice, I had to ride with Gabriel to and from the pool and spend 3 hours in between with him during our workout. I didn't think I could face him, not today.
But if I didn't go, my perfect attendance streak for the season would be broken. And if I didn't go, I would be giving in to my weakness. Mostly, though, if I didn't go, it would be that much harder to mend the relationship that we tore last night.
I don't HAVE to tell him that I'm gay, do I? We had such a good thing going, and I was happy with our friendship. We shared the same bed, we shared clothes and a bathroom and we were there for each other always. Like two incredibly close brothers. But that's not what I wanted.
I delayed getting out of bed and tried to sort through my mixed feelings. My sleep-fogged brain was jumbling all my thoughts and I just needed to get everything I was feeling straightened out.
My primary thought was that my relationship with Gabe was much too important with me to lose just because of one fight, even if it was a big one. We've been best friends practically our whole lives, and best friends don't give up because of an argument. Besides, it wasn't as if we'd done anything bad to make the other one hate us... I just hadn't told him a little secret.
All right, so I hadn't told him a HUGE secret. But at the end of our argument he as good as admitted he hadn't been completely honest with me. That made us even in my book. But then again, we were best friends... why the hell were we keeping secrets from each other? I know I had good reasons, but...
And then it hit me.
I opened my eyes widely, and the dim light illuminating my room from the rising sun was like an echo of the realization I had just come to, or thought I had come to anyway. What if Gabriel's secret was just like mine? I mean, what if I had been worrying all this time about coming out to him and being in love with him when he was gay too?
But perhaps that was just too much to hope for. I looked back on our friendship over the years. In middle school, when all the boys and girls had started hooking up and experimenting with sex (yes, in middle school... take it from someone who knows), Gabriel and I had stayed by ourselves. All we had needed was each other. We justified it by saying swimming was too important to us, which really it was anyway, but I know I felt that girls would be a waste of time. I just didn't understand why all the other guys were so obsessed with the newfound female sex.
And then in high school, when it became a big deal to start going to semiformal and dances and going out on dates and getting laid, Gabe and I again declined to be part of it. The spring semi next week was the first dance Gabriel was ever going to attend...
And then I had another revelation. I was jealous of his date. JEALOUS. Well I suppose it's only natural to be jealous that someone else has a date with the guy you're in love with. And the fact that Kristyn, the girl he's going with, just happens to be incredibly HOT (as far as girls go) didn't help anything.
I sighed and covered my face with my pillow, breathing in the clean fabric smell of the pillow case. I was so in love. Why in God's name did I have to fall so completely and irrevocably in love with him? Our friendship was something that comes once in a lifetime, and I was going to throw it away by telling him that I was gay and that I loved him. Even if he himself was gay also, I was NOT going to throw our friendship to the wolves by revealing myself to him if at all possible. And I was going to save our friendship. If he demanded that I tell him my big secret, well then I guess I would have to come out to him. But under no circumstances would I tell him I loved him. NONE.
Unless, of course, he said he loved me first.
I smiled at the thought and tossed the pillow away from my face. But the smile faded quickly as the seriousness of my mission came back to me. I wish I had someone to talk with about this. Ha, like a best friend maybe.
"Jacob Alexander Lessing!" my mother called from outside my door. "You'd better get yourself out of bed or I'm going to leave to pick up Gabe without you!"
I sighed again and threw off the covers, just as my alarm started ringing again after my assault on the snooze button. I picked the damnable thing off the floor and shut it up again, permanently this time. Still a bit groggy from my poor night's sleep, I changed my boxers and threw on a pair of light gray sweats and a soft, long-sleeved t-shirt that I loved. It was white with yellow sleeves and a yellow neckline, and I really loved how it made me look, sorta clinging against my upper body and setting off my green eyes. It was cool now but it would be warmer later so I stuffed a pair of shorts and a short-sleeved tee in my bag along with my speedo and drag suit and a towel, then hurried out the door.
"Oh, hey Mom," I said, almost bumping into her in my haste. I had just realized that I had to pee like a mother and severely needed to get to the bathroom. I gave her a quick kiss on the lips and a hug good morning. "Just lemme grab something to eat I'll be ready in a sec."
"Okay honey but hurry, you don't want to keep Gabe waiting," she replied and headed down the hall to her and Dad's bedroom.
I answered nature's call and then grabbed a nutri-grain bar and a gatorade on the way out. I sat in the back of our little Toyota Corolla, as usual, and we traveled two houses down the street to Gabe's. A thousand thoughts raced through my head in than 30-second time frame, a thousand first things to say, a thousand ways to say "I'm sorry for being a dickhead," and such things as that.
"I have to talk to Gabe for just a minute when we get there Mom, okay?"
"All right," she sighed, "It's your practice you're going to be late to after all."
We pulled up and I hopped out quickly. There were things I need to say to him without Mom around. As I strode up the walkway to his door, it opened and HE, the boy I dreamed about every night, stepped out.
Gabriel was dressed to kill in flannel sleep-pants and a snug white tee that showed off his tan and his gorgeously shaped body. Did he unconsciously dress like that or was he purposefully trying to get mouths watering? Feeling of lust and love exploded in my head and I was left without words.
We stood there staring at each other for a few seconds, our eyes deadlocked. God he has such beautiful brown eyes. I finally couldn't stand it and broke our stare, looking to the ground. "Ummm, listen..." I began, but he cut me off.
"About last night...." he said, "I... I was way out of line. I shouldn't have pressed you, and I'm sorry that I did. Whatever you have to tell me, I know you will in your own time. I thought about this all last night, Jake, and I felt so bad knowing that I had made you walk out like that... it was the worst night of my life." I looked at his face to see the dead seriousness that I heard in his voice. "But I still want you to know that whatever it is, you don't need to be afraid to tell me. Best friends forever right?" He asked with a faint grin.
The love I felt for this boy expanded ten-fold with those words. He was the sweetest person I had ever met, ever. I couldn't help but smile back at him, feeling all my worries sort of drain out of me. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug, and as we renewed our best-friend status I felt like a stone-blind idiot. I was going to tell him, right now.
"Gabe, you don't know how much I love you for saying that," I began, but then realizing that I'd said the "L" word I blushed furiously and tried to correct myself. "I-I mean, how much I- how much I appreciate..."
He giggled. "I know what you meant stupid. Keep talking."
I'm sure my face was flaming now, but I went on anyway. "I acted like an ass last night. You had every right to quiz me about what I was keeping from you. After all, you've been there for me for, like, our whole lives right? Well, the thing I was so uncomfortable with telling you last night, is that I'm, well... that I'm gay." There, I said it, there's no turning back now.
He paused, just looking at me for a few seconds. I tried to figure out what he was thinking from his deep brown eyes, but I wasn't getting any vibes. He finally started to smile. "And.... ?" he asked.
What? "And... What?" I was confused.
"You mean that's it?"
"Of course that's it. How thick are you?" I was incredulous.
"Oh, about 5 and a half inches."
I threw up my hands in disgust and started walking back towards the car. My big coming-out moment, and he was making jokes! He didn't even have the decency to look shocked, or amazed, or anything! I felt a hand grab my wrist and I allowed myself to be turned around to face a widely grinning Gabriel.
"Dude, chill out. I was just trying to lighten the mood a little. But seriously, it's no big deal. And guess what? I'm gay too."
My shock was entirely unfaked. That he just came out and told me that, like it was nothing for him to do, was... incredible. "You're shitting me!" I exclaimed.
"Nope," he said, starting to laugh at our situation. I mean, here we were, 6:30 AM Saturday morning, dressed in pajamas on his front walkway, and loudly and clearly stating our sexual preference for the world to hear. I had to start laughing too.
"Could I get any more stupid?" I asked out loud. "To think about how worried I was about telling you..." I had stopped laughing by now.
He got serious again too. "So that's what's been bugging you lately? You were afraid I would reject you and not want to be friends any more? You of all people should know me better than that, Jake."
"I know I know," I sighed. "It's just, well... you came out to me just a second ago yourself too! So you know how I was feeling." It was his turn to look away now, but not for long.
He grinned at me again. "So... does this mean all those early morning hard-ons I've seen in your boxers have been from you thinking of my sexy body?"
I blushed beet red but still managed a pretty convincing guffaw at his ABSURD presumption. "More like I had to piss, shithead! I've seen you sporting plenty of wood in the mornings on occasion, so don't be getting too full of yourself."
It was about this time my mom honked at us, giving us the evil eye as we glanced over. I smiled at my best friend. "Come on, we'll talk more later. We don't want coach to be mad at us before practice even starts."
"No, we don't want that do we. Let's go."
And so began the most memorable and exciting day of my life.
TBC (duh!)
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Hmmmmmmmmm I think they're gonna have one hell of a day...... but you'll have to wait and see! Mwahahahahaha gotta love the power of suspense! hehe
Send me all the criticism you want at magnus_potestas@hotmail.com....... Flames will be ignored. Keep in mind I don't edit my chapters, because I think it detracts from what I was originally intending when I wrote. Thanks for reading!
FYI: YES my name is really Jacob. YES I really do live in New Hampshire. YES the other characters in my story are based upon real people. YES I am really 16 (for a few more days anyway!). Want to know more? Just ask me =D
Oh yes, and I retain all rights to this story, as it is MY story. Copyright © 2002.