Disclaimer: This story, though maybe not in this chapter but in subsequent chapters, will have celebrities in it. I have no knowledge of their sexuality and this is not intended to imply their sexuality. This is all from my own mind. Scary!! People actually get a glimpse into my mind!!!
Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, Angel and all related characters created by Joss Whedon. Copyright 20th Century Fox.
Batman, and all related characters created by Bob Kane. Copyright DC Comics and Warner Bros.
X-MEN, and all related characters created by Stan Lee. Copyright Marvel Comics and 20th Century Fox.
Star Trek and all related characters created by Gene Roddenberry. Copyright Paramount Studios.
I don't know for sure if I will use all the above elements, but just in case, I have myself covered.
In this story, which has been floating around in my head most of my life, you will find many universes merging, as the above copyrights reveal. I hope you all enjoy this. I appreciate any feedback that you may want to give. This story doesn't deal so much with sex, sex, sex, but more of my feelings that I struggled with and am starting to come to terms with. Part of his background is mine. I do hope that you enjoy it!!!
jmsotc@yahoo.com
Chapter 30 Requiem for a Dream
I stood there dumbfounded. I couldn't believe I heard Nick Carter just tell me he couldn't stand being gay. "Why? What part of being gay don't you like?"
Nick turned from me. "Everything. The hatred, the self-hatred and the hatred that comes from the world and religion, I can't stand it. I feel so helpless and hopeless and worthless."
Nick Carter ceased being a friend to me. Now he's become a victim of society, of other people's version of God, of himself. Something in me took over. Something in me snapped. "You have a boyfriend who loves you. And you feel worthless?"
"I couldn't expect you to understand. You must have always been comfortable with your sexuality. It must have been that comment that you made about me being attractive that threw me off into reality."
"Reality?" With every statement he made, my anger grew. "What reality? The reality that there are people who hate us? That's their reality. It's not ours. And we don't have to accept it."
"How can we not accept it? There are more homophobic people than there are homosexual people."
"Not really. For every gay person, there is at least one heterosexual who is still a friend, still a relative, still a loved-one. If gay people represent ten percent of the population and every gay person were to come out, and that one person were to accept them, that's twenty percent."
"That's in a dream world."
"You're right. That is a dream world. Because more likely the one gay person has more support than that one person. That could reach into thirty to forty percent of the population. That is where things change. That is where society's attitude changes. That is where religious minds get in touch with God, not their own fears and foibles."
"Eric, how do I change how I feel? How do I get rid of the hatred?"
"You need to first get away from the psychologist you're seeing. He or she is doing more damage than healing."
"Then what?"
"Find out what part of your homosexuality bothers you, what part of it makes you hate it. Then take steps to deal with it."
"How do you know what to do? You've just started taking those psych classes. You couldn't have gotten that far in school."
"These are the steps I've taken to overcome my own self-hatred and homophobia. I've been where you are. Only instead of a psychologist telling me it's wrong, I've had myself and most of the Christian world telling me it's wrong. That was where I had trouble. I loved God too much to be gay. Then I realized loving God and Him loving me had nothing to do with my sexuality. It was only my fear; a fear the devil enjoyed feeding me for most of my life. That's why I'm a twenty-four year old who is just now going to college to prepare for his future.
"Once I realized that God didn't have a problem with it, I could deal with the other issues I had."
Nick turned to face me. "What made you believe God doesn't have a problem with gays?"
"I did something. I knew I had to come out to my family, either to get help or to embrace who and what I am. I didn't have the strength to do it on my own so I fasted for three days. I spent three days eating nothing and drinking nothing but water. And when I had free time, I spent it praying to God for His strength. His presence entered in a beautiful way into my room and I had His strength. Would He give His strength to someone who was going to sin against Him? Would He give His help to someone who was going to use that help to be open about something that is considered wrong? No. He gave His strength to someone who needed His strength to reconcile all the wrong he felt, and turn his anger and hatred into love.
"By feeling God's love and strength I knew He didn't care one iota if I was gay or straight. All He cared about was that I loved the soul and life He gave me. If I take care of it the way He wants me to I won't have any problem with Him."
Nick turned away from me again. "I don't think I have the courage to do that."
I walked up to Nick and put my hand on his shoulder. "You won't have to face this alone, Nick. I would be honored to help you if you wanted. But I can only do so much. You are going to have to want it."
Nick was silent for a moment. Perhaps he was thinking it over. I could only hope and pray so. I felt his body shudder under my grasp. Something inside him was stirring. He turned and put his arms around me letting the tears flow.
We stood for almost twenty minutes, Nick in my arms crying. I, too, was crying. Slowly, Nick released his embrace. "I'll think about it."
"Good. I will be down the hall if you need me. I'll give you my address and phone number tomorrow."
"Thanks, Eric."
With that, I left the room and went back down to my room. The nurses just looked at me but didn't say a word.
The following morning, I found the sun greeting me. It warmed the room ever so slightly. I stretched and yawned feeling a nagging hunger in my stomach. After going to the bathroom, I returned to my bed and decided to do some more studying. The reading was good. I always enjoyed reading about people's minds.
"Good morning," the nurse said as she wheeled in my breakfast. "How did you sleep last night?"
"Pretty good."
"I hope so. I was told about your little stint with Nick Carter. What was going on with you two?"
"Oh. I had said something and he misunderstood. I didn't want him to be mad at me so I went to apologize. The nurses were not so forth coming with his room number so I had no choice but to trick them."
"We normally frown upon activity like that, especially since you could have been a stalker or something."
"I hardly think I could have done anything in my condition."
We both laughed. The nurse left me to my breakfast.
After eating, I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Jessica was so good to get some things for me the other day. I had my slippers and my toothbrush and toothpaste. It turned out to be pretty neat to have a friend like her.
After lying back down, the doctor came in.
"Hello, doctor."
"Hello, Eric. How are you doing today?"
"I think better."
"Good. I think you are doing better, too. We are going to release you tonight. I wouldn't recommend getting back into your routine until Monday. That will give you a few more days to recuperate."
"Sounds good to me, doc. But I'm going to miss the company I have here."
The doctor smiled at me. "Is there anyone for you to reach who can pick you up?"
"I think so. Let me make a phone call."
"Sure thing." And the doctor left.
I picked up the phone. "Hello, Jessica? The doctor said I could come home tonight. Would it be possible for you and Garrett to pick me up?"
"Sure! I'm so glad you are coming home today. Why don't you stay at Garrett's place until you feel up to being alone?"
"Umm, I'd like to return to my apartment, if you don't mind. I've kind of had enough of being in a strange place."
"Okay."
I could tell she was disappointed. She must have still been beating herself up over what happened. I tried telling her it wasn't her fault, but you know women? Sometimes they can be so stubborn. They like to hold on to things and let them fester.
Not too long after that, Nick came in.
"Hi," I greeted with a smile, though feeling happy for him was not what I was feeling. I can't stand others being treated like he felt he was being treated.
"Hi."
"I'm getting released today. Here's my phone number and address if you want or need to talk."
I grabbed a piece of paper and pen and wrote down the information.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
The rest of the day was pretty quiet. I didn't trust myself to speak. I didn't want to get my anger boiling. I know what happens when I get angry. It's not safe to be around me. Besides, I didn't want to freak Nick out the way I did NSYNC. And it wasn't that I was angry with Nick. I was angry at society, angry at the way society looks at gay people, the way the people of society treat gay people, and the way society teaches gay people to look at themselves, as a victim or victimizer. It's wrong and it has to stop. My dream of being in an ideal world where it doesn't matt one's gender, race, religion or sexual orientation ended at the last one. I could no longer live as if society were perfect and neither could Batman.
When Jessica came and got me, I showed her a happy me. She and Garrett took me to my apartment and the whole time Jessica's trying to get me stay with her and Garrett. I told her I would be fine, that I needed my own place to help me recover. She even walked me to the door. After assuring her for the hundredth time I would be fine and that I would call if there were a problem, she finally left.
I sat on the couch thinking of the ones who hurt me, violated me, and humiliated me. Then I thought of the psychologist who was trying to change Nick, make him a heterosexual. My anger burned within as the furnace of a steam engine stoked hotter than hell's inferno. It drove me, compelled me, and made me want to act. I put my hand palm up and opened it. A ball of fire formed and glowed. I could feel the intenseness of the heat but it did not hurt me. This must have been what happened when I dealt with Mrs. Freeze and her son. My mutant ability melted the ice. Professor Xavier was right. My mutant ability was to control atoms, control all substances at the molecular level. What happened with Turic and the wooden stakes, what happened with melting the ice and controlling the missile in Professor X's Danger Room, it all had to do with my ability to control molecules. The sad part was that my ability would only take effect if I were going through some intense emotion. Perhaps that is where my strength came from in fighting vampires.
Slowly all the pain of the surgery, the weakness that came from having my body stitched up went away. I stood up and saw the suit Jessica and Garrett made me. It called to me, wanting me to don it, to use it to strike out at the darkness that was still in the world. The evil no longer remained within vampires and demons or lawbreakers, but in bigots and hate mongers. Batman's new ground would be to strike terror into them as well.
I pulled the suit on and it seemed to conform to my body, becoming part of me. I was going to enjoy trying it out. All the gadgets Jessica gave me were sure to help me in my new fight. I climbed to the window and slowly opened it. "I hope Jessica's not watching me as the Huntress. I'll have much explaining to do."
I climbed up to the roof by way of fire escape and felt the wind blow. My cape billowed in the breeze and it invigorated me, gave me new life. All the weakness that was in me was gone. The only left in me was the strength that my cause fueled. I ran to the edge of the building and leapt off to the next. The wind seemed to carry me. Perhaps another effect of my mutant ability. It went into effect whenever it needed, my subconscious activating it.
I ran to the next building and jumped. I didn't realize it at first but I was heading right to the nightclub that I met the four guys who raped me. I went to the alley in the back and turned the doorknob. It was locked. I raised my hand to the knob and it seemed to do exactly what I wanted. Hearing the click of the lock, I turned the knob again and went inside.
Cautiously I moved toward the front where I was sure to find the guys. I heard the loud music and the people talking, laughing, and screaming. They had joy. But how much of that joy came at someone's expense? How much of it came with the humiliation of another individual? I knew that my cause would not only be for those in the gay community, but to all those persecuted because of their differences. Their cause fired me. Their need became mine. Their pain inflamed my anger and I would have my vengeance upon all who dared trod down those who were different.
I boldly stepped out of the shadows and scanned the area until I found one of the four guys talking to a brunette lady. I did not hesitate nor consider the female. There was nothing to consider. She obviously didn't know she was talking to a bigoted jerk. I would have to enlighten her. Perhaps some other time, though. Tonight was his night and his buddies' night.
I walked up toward him swiftly and surely. As I passed him, I grabbed the back of his collar and drug him away.
"What the hell are you doing, freak?"
"Dealing with scum."
I pulled as hard as I could and tossed him in front of me. He landed on his back on the dance floor.
"Stand up," I ordered.
"What?"
"Stand up."
"You didn't say the magic word," he replied with a cocky voice.
"Stand up, NOW."
"You arrogant son of a bitch!"
He stood up and swung at me. I ducked. He swung again, and again I ducked. Then I punched him. His head jerked back hard with the impact, but I didn't care if I would have broken his neck. He was going to pay for the pain he gave so many.
He recovered and swung again. I caught his fist in mid air and squeezed. I felt a knuckle crack, then another. Soon the cracking was no longer knuckles but bones.
"My hand! You're breaking my hand!" he cried in pain. His cries meant nothing to me, nothing at all.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed movement in the shadows. One of the guys who raped me came running out at me. I lifted up my right hand and he flew backwards crashing into a table.
The guy, whose hand was in my grasp, looked at me with wide eyes. "What the hell are you?"
I grabbed him by his throat with my right hand. By now the nightclub was still and silent. No one wanted to move. I looked at my would-be assailant and lifted him in the air.
"Listen to me. I want you to tell all your friends about me." I turned to the crowd. I wanted everyone to hear me. "I'm going after those who oppress the weaker, the different, the outcast. It's no longer a war on crime against lawbreakers, but a war on the crime of hate. I will not tolerate insolent attitudes toward those considered inferior. I will hunt those of you down who treat others as less than they are."
"Why...why me?" he asked with all the strength he could muster under my grasp.
"Because you and three of your friends harmed a gay man because of an accident he caused. The only damage done by the accident was to your precious, fragile egos. If a drink accidentally spilled upon you creates such anger, I suggest you get some counseling."
I tossed the man onto the guy I pushed away with my mutant ability. Then I turned and made eye contact with those whose eyes I could see. Then, I ran back toward the alley. I burst out the door and felt the exhilaration of a job well done, the same exhilaration I felt when I stopped the mugger at the fast food place by my apartment.
I climbed to the roof and ran several blocks before settling down for a few minutes. A burst of static scared me half to death and caused me to jump into the air.
"Garrett, I'm down town at the court house. There appears to be something going on."
"What do you see?"
"Several guys attempting to break in."
"Why on earth would anyone want to break into the courthouse?"
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."
"Be careful, Huntress."
I realized I was listening in on a radio conversation between a Watcher and his charge. The Bat-suit must have had a built-in two-way, or perhaps three-way, radio into the earpiece. Of course, it makes perfect sense. The Huntress could get any information she needed and Garrett could keep a record of her firsthand experiences. Fascinating.
Should I go and help? Nah. If I did, Jessica would only get upset that I was out here. I would let her handle it. Besides, hunting vampires wasn't just my only job. I said I would help out from time to time, not all the time.
To Be Continued...
We see a new side emerging in Eric. What do you think of it? Good? Bad? Scary? It's about time?
I'd love to hear from you!