DISCLAIMER: This story is just a work of fiction, it does not mean to imply anything about the real feelings or sexuality of the characters. I am not related in any way to 'N Sync or their management, record company, blah blah blah. English is not my native language, so please forgive me if I make any mistakes. Also forgive me if the story is not consistent with the real facts of 'N Sync's history, it's just something I made up! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm sorry it took so long to deliver a third part, but I was being enslaved and had to work like 14 hours a day for the past 3 weeks. Hope you will like it. Thanks to the two people who have been following the story. Read the best story here on Nifty, it's called Any Path, with the sequel No Painless Way and a new series called Interludes. You'll like it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tearing up my ass - Chapter 3
By Rick - jc.chasez@gmx.net
February 6, 1999
Dear Diary:
Hi, it's me, Joshua Scott Chasez. I decided to start a diary of my own after finding out about Justin's. I thought it was a good idea, it gives you the opportunity to let it all out. I still find it kinda weird... I mean, I don't know where to start. Since I have so much catching up to do, I guess I'll start with whatever comes to my mind. It's been only one week since Justin and I let each other know how we felt. I feel so happy and fullfilled when I'm by his side. I just hope he feels the same way, I don't want to go through the same torture I did the first time... I think that's how I'm going to start this diary, telling the experience I had falling in love for the first time. Back in 1991, I got the chance of my life when I qualified for the Mickey Mouse Club show. I was so excited about being able to sing and act... and getting paid for doing it, what else could I ask for? I met all the guys and girls, and I thought that everyone seemed nice and friendly. I don't know why, but I inmediatly felt a tingling when I met Tony Lucca. It was like a spark, and I had never felt something like that before... I had had a few girlfriends until then and I had already had sex with two of them. I remember that the first time I was kind of disappointed, I thought that it would be something magical and it ended being something rushed and mechanical. I mean, I liked the girl a lot, but somehow I felt compelled just to "perform"... I guess she didn't feel too well about it too, because after that we grew apart and split in less than a month. The second time was something similar and I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with me. I heard the other guys in school talking about the hot sex they had and rude comments about girls. I went with the flow because I couldn't let the others know what I thought or felt. I tried to talk to whom I thought was my best friend then and he told me that maybe I was doing it wrong... or that maybe I was a fag. I couldn't believe what he said to me. It hurt me like hell because I trusted him. I feared that he was going to spread the word about it, but he didn't. I couldn't stop crying that night and in the morning I decided that I was never going to trust anybody again. He didn't seem to care when I stopped hanging out with him. About three weeks after that, I received the news that I've been accepted in the MMC and moved. Well, I was cautious when I met the guys at the MMC. I couldn't afford to receive the same treatment as before. I tried to get along with everybody, after all, we had to spend most of the day together. And Tony was always by my side, I don't know... he was always telling me how good I danced, that I had a great voice and stuff like that. At first I was suspicious, but never thought anything else. Some months went by and we were great friends, we were always hanging out together, going to the movies and on weekends we used to play basketball or any other amusement. At night we would watch TV in my room or his room, eating chips and shit like that. He became friendlier every day and well, I enjoyed the attention. He seemed to like me a lot and when we were together he would hug me and sat close to me on the couch... I was actually very naive and didn't realize that the situation was progressing slowly. When I went to sleep, I had strange dreams. Even though I tried to be a straight man, buying Playboy and all that crap, I couldn't get myself to fall in love with a girl. While the show got more popular, the girls were throwing themselves at us. At certain events, we would pick up some girls and take them to the movies or something, and made out with them. I would end up in bed with some of them, but never got to do anything but heavy petting even if undressed... some got mad and asked what was wrong, I could only tell them that I didn't want to do anything else because I didn't want to get in any trouble. So Tony and I practically excluded all of the others from our activities, and he began to stay in my room some nights. I had a bunk bed and he would take the upper bed and I the lower. I remember being curious when he took his clothes off. He would stay only in his briefs and laid on my bed for a while just talking. At first I used to wear shorts and a t-shirt, but he eventually convinced me that I would feel more confortable if I slept only with my underwear on. Now I see it in a different light, and understand how he gradually seduced me, although I can't blame him or anything. I had a willing participation. The dreams got clearer, I started dreaming of men and the things I could do with them. I didn't have any knowledge about the things that can happen between two men, but I knew that there was something between Tony and me. I was still afraid, I couldn't ask him directly. I feared that what happened with my old friend would happen again, and I knew I couldn't stand it. But there was no need for me to ask... One night we were talking about everything and anything, and suddenly, he stopped and asked me how did I feel about him. I was puzzled, I didn't know what to answer. I asked him what did he mean. He said that he liked me very much, but he wasn't sure if I liked him the same. I told him that he was my best friend and that I liked him a lot. He put his hand on my chest and rubbed my right nipple. I shuddered and a moan escaped from my lips. I didn't move and that seemed to be his cue. He ran his fingers over my stomach, playing with my navel. I couldn't say a word, I was afraid that he'll continue, but afraid that he'll stop! But of course, he didn't plan to stop... He snuggled close to me and whispered in my ear, he said in a low husky voice that I was so cute and that he was falling in love with me. I couldn't believe what he was saying, never in a million years! But I was speechless, I couldn't speak. Not even when his hand slipped further below and rubbed my dick through my briefs. At the same time he approached his face to mine and searched for my mouth. He brushed his lips over mine, then used his tongue to lick me. As I tried to open my mouth to protest, he seized the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. I ceased resisting and let him do what he wanted. After some minutes, he retreated and was about to get off the bed. I finally caught my breath back and asked him what was he doing. He said that apparently I wasn't interested in him, since I wasn't kissing him back or doing anything. He told me he didn't want to force me to do anything I didn't want, so he was going to leave. I immediately felt this void in my stomach and started to cry. I took his hand and asked him not to leave. He seemed worried about me and said that he would do whatever I felt comfortable with. He put his arms around me and told me that everything will be fine... We didn't do much that night, he just kept me in his arms and we cuddled in our sleep. In the morning when I woke up, he was gone. I should've known better, but I couldn't help it. I began to fall in love with him. At the same time, I was already feeling guilt for what we did. When I was alone, I cried, asking to myself why couldn't I be a normal guy and just get a girlfriend, be happy, have kids, the whole shit. This went on for a while. After some months, I began to forget my worries and to enjoy my time with him. We would still go out and then at night he would sneak into my room. He was always in charge, and I was under his command. But he never rushed things, we would just kiss and he ran his hands over my body. When I started loosing my fears, we would undress and jack each other off. It felt so good being in bed with him, he kept telling me that we would be always together and that nothing will ever come between us. And I believed him. I was so nervous the first time he went down on me. That day I remember him with a big grin, telling me that it was time for us to progress in our relationship. He began kissing my lips and then slowly descended, stopping to lick my nipples for a while. He lapped at my navel and I relaxed, laughing a little cause it tickled. He spread my legs and then proceeded to lick my balls softly. I was moaning and writhing on the bed, I had never felt anything like that. He licked my shaft for a while, and well, when he actually took my dick in his mouth, I almost screamed. I was panting and grasping the sheets with my hands. I came in no time and he swallowed it. I thought I was kind of gross, and more when he came up to kiss me afterwards... but after someone has sucked your dick, how can you refuse to kiss him? A few weeks after that, I let him take my virginity. It was a sweet moment, and not for an instant was he rough or anything. Luckily, it was on a weekend and I didn't have to go to the studio the next day. I couldn't have danced, it hurt too much. But what hurt me more wasn't physical. I was dying with guilt and remorse, I felt I could not speak to my parents or face them. I felt I had betrayed what they taught me. I tried not to let Tony know how I felt, but I guess he did anyway. After a few times together, he became distant. He wouldn't stay with me after we had had sex. I felt used, like the discarded condom he had thrown in the garbage. Worst, he also started hanging out with other people and just came to my room at night to fuck. We began to fight and the next day we would have to appear to the others as the best of friends. One night, I decided it was finally over and told him so. He said to me that I was so stupid, that I couldn't appreciate him and that I was bound to be alone if I couldn't handle a relationship. I think I cried for more than a week after that. I got to the point where I could hardly see or do anything. But I had to come back to work and it was the beginning of a new season. I had to be myself again or else I would just die. We met the new kids and there was this cute little blond, his smile lighted up my mood right away. I liked him from the start and knew that we were going to be best friends someday soon. The rest, as they say, is history...
Josh
-------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'd like to receive your comments and suggestions, who do you want to read next? JC or Justin? Hopefully, there'll be a part 4. Drop me a line at jc.chasez@gmx.net ---------------------------------------------------------------------------