********** DISCLAIMER: This isn't real. This is fake-- I don't know *NSync or BSB. Got that? Don't know if they're gay, bi, straight, or otherwise. If they were otherwise, that would be mighty interesting, but anyway...
This is the second-last chapter, unless I decide to do an epilogue. Thanks to everyone who's e-mailed me (Scott!), the nsyncslash list, Red, Dara, Dayse, Jayne, Tomilee, Wen, Kat, Dayse, Rachel, CJ, Shell, Lois, Fluttergirl, Jeany (the mprov bunch), Joey, and anyone who's name I've forgotten. I'm an idiot who doesn't even remember her own name sometimes!
Feedback (if you choose to give it) to reader_colleen@yahoo.com. My website has moved and is now found at http://www.envy.nu/colleensfic. Now, onwards! **********
18: Not Thinking About Tomorrow
"So, now what?" Justin asked once JC was in his car and they were ready to leave. Lance had told them he and Joey were staying back for a while, so the others were all going to try squishing into one car. This way Lance and Joey had some way to get back to the hotel after their mini-session with JoBeth.
"Hotel?" Kevin suggested.
"Bo-ring!" Chris complained. "We need distraction."
"What else is there?"
"Pool party later on tonight!" Nick yelled. The others looked at each other.
"I think Blondie is on to something," Brian said, earning a slap from Nick. Justin snickered, earning a slap for himself, too.
"I'll talk to the manager once we're back at the hotel," Kevin offered, ignoring the antics of the others. "I'll see if I can get him or her to open the pool for us after it's been closed to everyone else."
"Cool!" was the general attitude.
"There is no way the seven of us are fitting in that thing," Howie said, studying the car.
"What else can we do?" Brian asked tiredly.
"Three of us can wait for Joey and Lance," Chris said.
"I call Justin!" Nick cried.
"Shush," Justin ordered, looking over at JC, who was still sleeping.
"Sorry. Who's with me, Justin and Josh?"
"Me," Brian said.
"I guess that leaves me, Howie and Chris to wait for Lance and Joey," Kevin surmised. "Gotcha." That said, the four who were in Justin's car squished into it. Before it went anywhere, JC woke up.
"JuJube?" he asked sleepily.
"Yeah, Josh?"
"You promise you won't leave me?"
"Why would I leave you?" Justin asked, glancing over at his friend.
"Promise?"
"I promise, Josh." Justin glanced over his shoulder at Nick, who was sitting with Brian in the backseat. "Wanna drive?"
"Sure!" Nick exclaimed, opening his door and jumping out. Brian got out, too, and helped put JC in the backseat, where Justin sat beside him. Brian took JC's seat in the front. Nick started the car and headed back to the hotel while Justin pulled JC closer to him and let him fall asleep again.
I won't leave you, Josh, Justin whispered mentally. I promise you that-- as long as I have breath in my body, I'll never leave you.
"BONZAI!" Nick yelled, cannonballing into the pool later that night. After the nine men had arrived back at the hotel, Kevin, true to his word, had managed to convince the manager to open the pool for them. Now all nine of them sat around the pool, talking, laughing, and generally having fun. They were trying not to think about why there were only nine, but it was hard.
"NICK!" three voices yelled. Brian, JC and Justin had gotten soaked when Nick cannonballed, and they were not amused.
"Sorry guys!" Nick called meekly.
"Yeah, right!" Brian snorted.
"Bri," JC admonished. "Leave the child alone."
"CHILD?" Nick sounded pissed. JC smirked.
"Yes, child. He's under 21 and he's blond. What do you expect, Bri?"
"So am I!" Justin called from his position on Brian's other side.
"Your point being?" JC teased. Justin narrowed his eyes and JC scrambled to get up, but he wasn't fast enough. Justin threw him in the pool, but JC managed to grab a hold of Brian before going in. When they surfaced, Justin wasn't standing at the edge anymore and the reason was quickly evident by the smile on Kevin's face. Sure enough, Justin surfaced himself not far from his two dunked friends.
"That was not funny," he growled.
"Au contraire, mon frere," JC laughed.
"What's with the french?"
"I feel like honoring my grandparents... Justin!" JC yelled as Justin dunked him. While JC was underwater, another splash in the pool was heard and felt. JC surfaced to see Howie grinning like a fool and Kevin missing. Kevin came up for air and glared at Howie, who was promptly pushed in by Chris.
"Haha," Howie groaned just before Kevin dunked him.
"No, this is HaHa!" Joey yelled, pushing Chris in. He and Lance had snuck up behind the shorter man and took him by surprise. Chris came up for air and gave Joey the finger. Lance laughed so hard he fell into the pool, dragging Joey with him. Since all nine of them were now swimming around, they decided to play a game. Chicken was quickly decided upon. Chris jumped on Kevin's shoulders. JC grabbed Justin. Joey and Lance paired up. So did Brian and Nick, leaving Howie on his own.
"Poor baby," the others mocked. "You can referee."
"How fun," Howie said, rolling his eyes. But he refereed the game, only helping his own bandmates when it was clear Justin and JC were about to beat Nick and Brian. Howie tickled JC's foot, causing the younger man to fall off Justin's shoulders. Howie then declared Nick and Brian the winners, even though both had fallen over laughing.
"You guys are having way too much fun," Kevin commented from his place on the side of the pool. He and Chris were the second pair to go, having dunked Lance early on.
"Isn't that the point?" Justin said, shaking the water out of his hair as he hopped up beside Kevin.
"Yeah..." Kevin grudgingly agreed.
"So, what now?"
"Movies?" Nick suggested.
"Sleep!" That one came from JC, of course.
"NO SLEEP!" the others yelled. JC pouted.
"Clubbing?" Joey asked hopefully. Howie nodded excitedly.
"Clubbing sounds cool," Lance said, snuggling up to Joey.
"Of course Lance sides with Joey..." Justin laughed. Lance threw water at him, splashing Kevin in the process. Kevin splashed Lance back, causing an all-out water war that ended when Brian threw Justin in the pool.
"We're going clubbing!" Joey cheered as the nine of them headed back to their respective hotel rooms. "We're going out!" He pulled Lance into their room and quickly slammed the door. The remaining seven shared smiles, knowing what was going on! Sure enough, noises soon started coming from their room, causing the others to break down in hysterical laughter.
"We know what they're... up... to," Brian snickered. Nick and Kevin both poked him, hard. "OW!"
"Bri, get your mind out of the gutter," Howie sighed. Brian laughed, turning an attractive shade of red at the same time.
"I can't!" Howie smacked him and pulled him down the hallway. Nick, Justin, JC and Kevin were soon left alone.
"Well, we'll see you guys in about half an hour?" Justin said, looking at JC for confirmation.
"Sounds good." Kevin and Nick wandered off, leaving the two friends alone.
"JuJube, can we talk?" JC asked, looking at the floor. Justin was confused.
"We can always talk, Josh."
"Let's go in," JC said, gesturing to Justin's room. Justin raised an eyebrow, but he opened his door and let JC in. JC sat on the bed and glanced up at Justin, his blue eyes unreadable.
"What's up?"
"I heard you."
"So?"
"I heard you. Talking to Lance last night." Justin's face went white.
"What?"
"I was awake, J. I... I heard the whole thing."
"Do you hate me now?"
"JuJube, how could I ever hate you?" JC cried, jumping up and embracing the younger man. "I could NEVER, ever hate you. Never."
"I'm glad..."
"Justin, how long have you felt like that?"
"A long time. But I knew you were hurting, even if I didn't do anything to help. That's why I kept silent, cause I didn't add to your problems."
"Bad as it sounds, I'm glad I didn't know until now. If AJ had have known how you felt..."
"Josh, stop thinking about that!" Justin commanded. "He's out of our lives, so forget about him."
"It's not that easy," JC said softly. "Every time I look at Lance, I remember what I did to him and it makes me want to cry. Do you know how hard it is to face him each day?"
"I can't even imagine."
"You don't want to imagine, JuJube. It's horrible. I remember and I feel like I want to kill myself again."
"DON'T YOU DARE!" Justin screamed. "I fucking almost lost you once, Joshua Chasez. I'm NOT going to let it happen again!"
"Justin, calm down. I won't, I promise. I just said I feel like doing it. I couldn't leave you like that, not after what I heard!"
"What does that mean, Josh?"
"Give me time, Justin. That's all I ask. You're my best friend, and I do love you. Just give me a chance to figure out if it's just as a friend, or as something more."
"That's all I ask for, Josh," Justin said, trying to sound brave, but internally, he was crying. It had never really occured to him that JC might need time. He had assumed that either JC loved him, or he didn't. Nothing in-between. He didn't know which was worse. Not knowing, or knowing JC hated him.
"I'm sorry," JC said sadly, getting up and leaving the room. "I never meant to hurt you."
"I know, Josh." Once JC was gone, Justin got dressed in order to distract himself. Half an hour later, a knock came at his door. He opened it to find Nick.
"We're ready," was all Nick said. Justin nodded and grabbed his jacket. The pair met up with the other seven and headed off to the club-- one Joey and Howie had chosen. JC went straight for the bar while Justin went for a booth in the back corner of the club. Nick and Brian went to chat with the club patrons. Kevin spotted a pretty girl and took off, his wife momentarily forgotten. Howie trailed after him to do damage control. Lance and Joey exchanged looks, then went after Justin and JC.
"Just?" Lance said softly. The younger blond sat at the bar, two empty glasses already beside him.
"What?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"Josh knows."
"What does JC know?"
"That I love him."
"You told him? Justin, that's great!" Lance paused at the look on Justin's face. "Isn't it?"
"No. First, JC heard us last night. Secondly, he told me that he's been thinking about suicide again. THIRD, he told me he's not sure what he feels for me!"
"It's better than knowing he hates you," Lance offered. Justin snorted and downed his drink in one gulp. The bartender placed another drink in front of him, tossing Lance a 'cut him off NOW' look. Lance nodded.
"Yeah, so I can live with indecision when he might yet still break my heart? Way to be better." Lance just sighed and sat down next to Justin, knowing this was going to be a long night.
"Josh, why does Justin look so depressed?" Joey asked JC as they semi-danced. JC wasn't really dancing, just kinda moving his body to whatever beat he was hearing in his head. "Josh?"
"What?" JC obviously hadn't heard Joey's question.
"What's up with Justin?"
"Lance didn't tell you?"
"Believe it or not, Lance doesn't tell me everything," Joey told his friend. Instead of comforting the older man, it made him flinch.
"I know," JC said softly, stopping in mid-movement. He quickly left the dance floor, although Joey couldn't tell if it was because he was crying or not. Joey kicked himself for bringing up memories that were trying to be forgotten, but he knew that JC realized he never would have said what he did to hurt him.
"Josh, what is going on?" Joey demanded once he caught up with JC. JC just ignored him and walked out of the club. Joey followed, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Lance. There was no time to go over and tell his boyfriend where he was going. He just hoped Lance would understand.
"I knew you'd do this to me," JC said, startling Joey as he walked out the door. JC stood just out of direct sight, although he had a perfect view of anyone who came out.
"JC, I'm worried about you."
"Joey, after what happened yesterday, you should be more worried about Lance. It's him that's really most affected."
"No. You and Justin were too." Joey noted the way JC's face looked sad as Justin's name was mentioned and filed it away in his memory.
"Joey, just leave me alone."
"No can do. You're stuck with me, boy."
"And Justin is stuck with Lance for the rest of the night?" Joey nodded his head, surprised that JC had noticed. "I hope Scoop can get Just to stop drinking."
"What happened to make him turn all depressed?"
"We had a talk earlier."
"What did you say to him?"
"Joey, let him tell you when he's ready. We may be not really speaking right now, but I'm not going to blab his secrets."
"I'm sorry, Josh," Joey said sincerely. "I'm just worried."
"I am, too, Joey..." JC half-whispered. "I am, too."
Somehow, Lance got Justin back to the hotel not long after his eighth shot of vodka. He was drunk out of his mind, yet he still wasn't talking about what was bothering him. Lance knew it had something to do with JC, but he didn't know much more than that. On his way back to his own room, he heard voices in JC's. He knocked on the door, which was opened by his boyfriend.
"Hi, Lance!" Joey said, somewhat brightly. His dark eyes were worried, though, setting alarm signals off in Lance's mind.
"Hi, Joey. You and Josh sure left in a hurry earlier!"
"There was no time to let you know I was leaving. Sorry, sweetie."
"It's cool. Justin and I were talkin' anyway."
"Justin talked?" JC broke in. Lance felt bad for lying to his friend, but it was the only way to get them to disclose what had happened between the two of them-- the real truth, and not just what Justin had said earlier.
"Yeah, he told me all about what happened. He's really hurting right now." Joey gave Lance an odd look, but stayed silent. JC's face crumpled.
"I never meant to hurt him, honest!"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want to lead him on and then break his heart by not being in love with him."
"OH!" Joey exclaimed, suddenly seeing where all this was going. He had had a feeling that this was the problem, but now he knew for sure.
"But the two of you are so close..."
"I don't want him to get hurt."
"Josh, nobody is going to hurt Justin."
"I will."
"Oh, JC." That was all Lance could get out before JC broke down crying. Joey wrapped the smaller man in his arms and gave Lance a helpless look. He nodded.
"JC, why don't you let Joey stay in here tonight?" Lance offered. "You need somebody."
"I'm fine."
"No, you're not."
"Joey, just... don't. Go stay with Lance. He needs you more than I do."
"I'm worried about you, Josh," Lance said.
"Don't. Just go away, please."
"Fine, but the three of us are doing something tomorrow. Nope, shut your mouth," Joey ordered when JC opened his mouth to protest. "We are going out, even if it kills us."
"Or we kill each other," Lance grinned, giving JC a hug before he left the room. Joey tossed another concerned glance over his shoulder before he, too, left the room. Once he was alone, JC fell on his bed and lay there, not moving. He couldn't even cry. He didn't know how long it was until a knock sounded on his door.
"Come in," he called, sitting up. Justin's curly head appeared in the door.
"Can I talk to you?" the younger man asked quietly. JC wordlessly nodded. "I'm sorry, Josh."
"For what?"
"For being such a lousy friend today. You were honest with me, and I appreciate that."
"Just give me time, sweetie. It's a lot to drop on me all at once."
"I know. Forgive me?"
"As long as you promise to stay here tonight," JC said, getting into the bed and opening the covers for Justin. The younger man hopped in and rested his head on JC's shoulder before speaking.
"Always, Josh. I'll always be here."