Story Title: Tears In Your Eyes Chapter Title: "Take Me As I Am..." Author's Name: Colleen Hasiuk E-mail: reader_colleen@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Don't know *NSync or the Backstreet Boys, nor do I have any idea what their true sexualities for. This story is fiction. As in not real, made-up. Clear? OK, nuff legal stuff.
Thanks again to those who have e-mailed me! Your words mean so much to me! Gabriella and Kief, thank you both! If you're wondering when the BSB are going to show up, right now it's about chapter 6 or 7. So you'll have to wait for a while to find out who the rapist is! Brian is still leading the informal poll with 3 votes, while AJ has 1. Keep the voting going, please! I know this chapter is out way before I said it would be, but hey, I got done chapter 4 faster than I thought I would. Watch for that one early next week.
If you're wondering where the chapter titles are coming from, they're all song lyrics. Chapter 1, "I'm Not That Innocent" came from Britney Spears' "Oops!... I Did It Again". Chapter 2, "Secrets and Lies" is from *NSync's "This I Promise You". This chapter's title, "Take Me As I Am" comes from Brian Adams' "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)".
Now, on with the story!
Chapter 3: Take Me As I Am...
"Lance, what did you just say?" Justin asked, bewildered.
"I said, I'm gay."
"Are you SERIOUS?" that was Joey. He was probably the most shocked out of all of them. He thought Lance was going to tell the others about the rapes! He never imagined that Lance was gay.
"Yeah, Joe. I'm serious." Lance almost laughed because Joey was doing his fish impersonation for the third time in twelve hours.
"But I thought..." Joey started.
"Thought what, Joey?" Lance allowed a note of anger to creep into his voice as he quickly cut Joey off.
"Wow," Chris said before Joey could respond. "Is that what's been bugging you these last few weeks?"
"Pretty much," Lance wasn't lying, but he also wasn't telling the whole truth. There was no way he was going to say anything about the other part! "I was a little worried about how you guys would react."
"You're still our Lansten," Justin said as he got up from the floor to give Lance a hug. Chris quickly followed suit while Joey continued staring at Lance like he'd grown another head, and JC was studying the floor with great interest, not saying a word.
"Josh?" Justin called softly, noticing his friend's silence and going over to kneel in front of him. "You haven't said anything."
"Lance is gay?" JC asked softly. "I never thought..." JC paused to take a breath. "We still love you, Lance," he finally said. "Being gay doesn't change anything about you." JC still wouldn't look up at Lance. Lance gave him a slightly twisted smile that was not lost on Justin, Joey or Chris. The three of them looked at each other then at JC, and finally at Lance. As one, they shrugged as if to say "whatever is going on isn't my business!"
"Thanks, JC," Lance said. Joey grabbed him by the arm just then and dragged him next door, into his own room. Shutting the door, Joey whirled around to face Lance.
"Why did you tell them that?" he demanded. Lance's face hardened.
"Because it's true," he defended himself.
"Why didn't you tell them about..."
"Because it's none of their fucking business, that's why!"
"Lance..."
"No, Joey," Lance said firmly.
"Lance..." Joey started again.
"NO, Joey!" Lance almost yelled.
"Lance- and don't you dare interrupt me this time-" Lance dropped his eyes in submission and Joey's heart wrenched. "James, you need to tell the other guys. They have a right to know." Lance's head shot back up.
"A right to know? Who in the fuck says they have a right to know?" Lance was angry and Joey cringed.
"They worry, about you and about JC," he offered. Lance's facial expression didn't change.
"How did JC get involved in this conversation?"
"None of us missed the tension between you two. James, what the fuck is going on? I've asked you before and I'll keep asking you until you tell me. James, please!" Joey was almost begging, something Lance wasn't used to.
"Joey, leave it alone. I'm not going to tell you."
"At least tell the guys what you told me last night!" Joey pleaded. Lance shook his head violently.
"I won't tell them about that and neither will you. Am I making myself clear?"
"As crystal," Joey snapped as he turned and went back into his room. Lance stayed in his, willing himself not to cry. After a minute, he heard soft footsteps approach. He recognized the person's cologne and silently groaned.
Not him, not him, he silently prayed. No such luck.
"Lance?"
"What, JC?"
"We need to talk."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Lance, why didn't you tell them about what I did?" Of all the questions for JC to ask, it had to be this one, the one he couldn't answer!
"I don't know," he finally answered truthfully. JC smiled sadly.
"Whatever your reason, thank you."
"Why haven't YOU told?" Lance shot at him, not really hearing the last part. JC blanched and looked down at the floor.
"Because I'm embarrassed, and I don't want them to hate me," JC said. "I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what I did, and I don't expect you to, either. I just don't want the rest of the guys to hate me."
"Whatever," Lance responded, turning away. "Are we done here?" Fighting not to show emotion, JC nodded and Lance quickly left the room. JC sat on Lance's bed and tried to regain control of himself. Crying wasn't a very 'manly' thing to do, and he didn't want to worry Justin any more than he already had. God that boy was protective when he wanted to be! After a few minutes, JC was composed enough to return to Joey's room so that he could finish breakfast.
"Josh?" Chris asked when JC got back. "Why are your eyes red?"
Damn! I was hoping that nobody would notice, JC thought to himself. The last thing I need right now is Chris giving me the third degree!
"I'm tired," JC lied smoothly as he went back to sit on his chair. Justin once again stretched out at JC's feet, as if he were protecting his friend. JC smiled at the picture. Justin is so cute sometimes, JC thought as he finished his statement to Chris, "I haven't been sleeping well at night." Chris frowned, but didn't push because he knew JC wasn't lying about that. Justin had told him about JC's late-night wanderings. When he couldn't sleep, JC wandered the hotel, and it was driving Justin crazy trying to figure out where JC had ended up. All five of them were tired, cranky and stressed. Unfortunately, they didn't have any off time planned for the near future. Chris shook himself out of his thoughts to find a silent room.
"Comfy?" JC softly asked Justin, breaking the silence. The younger man glanced up with a mouthful of food and grinned. JC waited until Justin swallowed before he asked again. "Are you comfy, J?"
"Very," Justin responded, sitting up enough to put his head back onto JC's knees. JC absent-mindedly started playing with Justin's curly hair, curling and uncurling it around his fingers. Justin just sat there, letting him play. JC found it comforting to play with Justin's hair, and he only did it when he was worried or stressed. Justin let him do it, knowing that it was the only thing that would calm him down. It was their routine, one that had become so familar over the years that they had known each other. JC smiled to himself at the memories while he continued playing with Justin's hair.
The rest of the room watched him smiling for the first time in a long time.
It did Chris, Justin and Joey's hearts good to see JC smile again. Lance didn't seem to care one way or another. JC noticed their scrutiny and raised an eyebrow. Chris and Joey blushed, then quickly went back to what they were doing before. Justin just grinned up at him. Chris was on the dresser, humming to himself while Joey and Lance sat on Joey's bed, quietly talking. JC's heart twisted when he saw that. Is Joey interested in Lance? No, he can't be... Joey's not gay. At least, I don't THNK he's gay...
"JC? Josh? JOSHUA!" It finally dawned on him that Justin was yelling at him, trying to get his attention. JC looked down at his friend, stopping his hand movements.
"What?"
"I said, what are you going to do today?"
"Hunh?"
"We have the day off, JC. After we do an interview, we're free until sound check tomorrow."
"Oh! I don't know, Justin. Maybe just stay in and-"
"Sleep?" Joey asked sarcastically. JC gave him a look, but he was smiling again.
"How'd you know?" he laughed. Joey grinned and Chris snorted from his place on the dresser.
"Gee, I wonder! Mr. Sleepy over there wanting to sleep. Yeah, big stretch." Chris nearly fell of the dresser with laughter. Everyone just gave him a weird look.
"What?" he asked, still laughing.
"Who gave you sugar?" Justin asked, picking his head up off JC's knee and sitting up fully so that he could look at Chris directly.
"Lance!"
"Leave me out of this!" Lance called from the bed, smiling as he hid behind Joey. Justin laughed and put his head back on JC's knee to watch the show.
"But you did. You're the one who ordered breakfast!" Chris accused, continuing the arguement.
"Cause YOU told me to," Lance shot back.
"You did order the food, Scoop," Joey mused. "I guess it is your fault!"
"Hey!" Lance yelled as he beaned Joey with a pillow. Joey retaliated, so Lance fired a pillow back at Joey. However, Joey ducked, which caused the pillow to hit Chris. Chris promptly beaned Justin, who jumped up and reached for a pillow in order to join the fray. Soon, a huge pillow fight erupted, the earlier tension forgotten. When the feathers cleared, 5 exhausted boys lay in a giggling heap of pillows, blankets and limbs, any tension forgotten.
"Guys?" came Justin's muffled voice from the bottom of the pile.
"Yeah?" somone else responded.
"I'm suffocating here!" Justin complained. "Somebody really needs to go on a diet!"
"Joe!" came three voices at once.
"Hey!" Joey yelled. "I do not need to go on a diet!"
"Well it sure ain't JC," Chris said from his position right above Justin. "JC's skinny enough to lose in a rainstorm because the wind would blow him away!" JC punched Chris, seeing as he was directly above his groupmate.
"Ahhh!" Lance screamed as he fell off the top of the pile when JC moved. He grabbed the waistband of Joey's pants to try to steady himself, but only succeeded in taking Joey down with him, nearly making him lose his pants in the process. Once they were off, JC started to stand up but Chris grabbed his knees and yanked him back down. Justin somehow managed to wiggle out from underneath them, leaving Chris and JC wrestling on the floor. The other three moved to the bed so that they stayed out of the way.
"Guys...." Lance called after the two had hit every piece of furniture in the room. "Guys... YO! KIDS!" Lance finally yelled. Both JC and Chris stopped in mid-rumble. Lance rarely yelled.
"Yeah?" they both said at once.
"We need to get going," Lance said in a normal tone of voice. "We have about 5 minutes before we have to be downstairs to meet the limo."
"We're outta here," Justin announced as he got up and pulled JC up with him. Lance didn't even look up while Joey and Chris waved goodbye. Chris was still lying on the floor, but now Joey was sitting on his chest, pinning the older man. Chris started squirming around, trying to get the heavier man off of him.
"Joe! You weigh a ton!" Chris complained. Lance finally looked at them.
"Guys, you need to get ready. Chris, get lost so that Joey and I can get dressed."
"Why? You planning on getting dressed in here?" Chris teased. Lance blushed bright red as Joey smacked Chris.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, old man!" Joey exclaimed. Lance giggled, making Chris laugh at the weird sound.
"You sure sound funny when you giggle, Scoop," Chris informed Lance as Joey stood up. "It's a sound that I'm not used to anymore." Lance instantly sobered up.
"I'm sorry."
"Lance, what did I tell you last night?" Joey demanded. Lance furrowed his brows, thinking.
"I dunno."
"About saying you were sorry?"
"Oh! Sor- Joe, how can I apologize if you won't let me say I'm sorry?"
"Why are you apologizing to Chris anyway? It's not like you offended him."
"Hey!" Chris protested. Neither man looked at him.
"Still..."
"No, Lance. You have to stop taking the blame for everything. It's not your fault," Joey said firmly. Chris looked confused.
"Hunh?" he asked. Joey looked at him.
"Chris, leave."
"What?"
"GO AWAY! Lance I need to talk."
"Oh!" with that, Chris left to finish getting ready. Joey turned back to Lance.
"Have you ever thought about therapy?" Joey asked once he was sure Chris was out of earshot. Lance looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.
"No! I can't go into therapy. If I did, he'd know! And you don't want to know what he's like when he gets mad."
"Lance..."
"Joey, please, can we change the subject? I really don't want to talk about this." With a sigh, Joey nodded.
"Get outta here. You need to finish getting dressed, too. See you in about 5."
"Thanks, Joe," Lance said softly. Joey smiled.
"Anytime, man. Anytime." Lance quietly left the room, shutting the connecting door behind him. Joey's face quickly turned from a smile to a frown as he picked up the phone and dialled a number.
"Johnny? It's Joey." There was a pause. "Don't tell the rest of the guys. but we have a problem here." Another, longer pause before Joey spoke again. "Listen, I think we need to have a therapist come see us while we're on tour..."