From agate!spool.mu.edu!usenet.eel.ufl.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!tank.news.pipex.net!pipex!dispatch.news.demon.net!demon!mail2news.demon.co.uk!nicholsn.demon.co.uk!J Thu Aug 31 09:31:38 1995 Path: agate!spool.mu.edu!usenet.eel.ufl.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!tank.news.pipex.net!pipex!dispatch.news.demon.net!demon!mail2news.demon.co.uk!nicholsn.demon.co.uk!J Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.tg,alt.sex.trans,alt.sex.stories Organization: A Crazy Man's Utopia Lines: 320 Message-ID: 491946852wnr@nicholsn.demon.co.uk Reply-To: J@nicholsn.demon.co.uk X-NNTP-Posting-Host: nicholsn.demon.co.uk X-Broken-Date: Friday, Aug 25, 1995 20.24.09 X-Newsreader: Newswin Alpha 0.7 Xref: agate alt.sex.stories.tg:161 alt.sex.stories:94658
TRAPPED
Uploaded to Pink Triangle by Marc Beaumont
On the surface Keith was just an ordinary sort of man, he had lots of friends and was a popular person, but within himself he was sad and lonely. He was married for a few years but that had been a mistake and soon fell apart, causing both Keith and his wife great unhappiness, and he had just drifted in and out of relationships after that, unable to find the right girl and settle down.
His life had never been easy, he had fallen in with a bad crowd at school and had wasted the years there, coming out with just one 'O' level and had to struggle to pursue his chosen career. He was an engineer by trade but had few formal qualifications - enthusiasm and natural ability being his gifts. These had helped him rise to the position of a senior engineer which was where he was happiest, using his abilities to the full without causing him stress or worry.
However, Keith's lot was not a happy one. He lived alone, sharing his most private thoughts with no-one. There was no-one there for him to talk to, no-one he could open his heart to and discuss the things that were on his mind and even if there had been, he found it difficult to express those deepest and most personal feelings.
Keith had a problem. A problem that occupied his mind almost all the time and was slowly but surely tearing him apart. At times he thought he was going crazy - there was just no solution to his problem that he could think of, no answer to his questions, no way that he could find inner happiness.
Keith was neither male nor female, nor both, nor neither. He had a male body, a masculine voice, face and manner, yet inside he felt female. He was what a lot of people would call a transvestite, he had two complete wardrobes of clothes and would change into the female clothes as soon as he got home from work, yet that was not all there was to it. Sure, he felt much more comfortable and at ease when he was wearing a dress and stockings but even that was not enough. He would make himself as feminine as possible and wore make-up and jewellery but it didn't make him a woman.
He had thought about it all so many times. Sex change operations were fairly commonplace these days - there was even a programme on television about it that he had watched - but even that wasn't enough for Keith. He was a perfectionist and just couldn't live with an imperfect female body, a mockery of the real thing, silicone boobs and surgically produced genitals, a woman in shape but still not a woman. And even if he went through with it, he had mans hands, a masculine face and a deep voice that even with training and the effects of the hormone tablets, would still be gruff and nothing like the feminine trill he so envied.
No, a sex change was not the answer to his problem. There seemed to be no answer. He longed to be able to walk around as a girl, simple things like window shopping, browsing through the racks of pretty clothes in the department stores and just be accepted as a girl but he knew he'd be "read" in an instant - there was just no way he could carry it off. As a result he was confined to dressing up in women's clothes in the privacy of his own room and dreaming of what it would be like to be female. He just felt so awful about it all.
His "guilty" secret made him self-conscious; he kept his legs and armpits shaved which meant he couldn't indulge in any sports or anything which exposed any of his body and of course whenever he got in the least bit intimate with a new girlfriend they thought he was some sort of pervert and ran a mile. But there was nothing perverted about it, all he wanted to do was dress in the clothes of the opposite sex - nothing obscene, nothing that hurt anyone else, he wasn't a monster or a rapist, just a poor, confused and very unhappy victim of nature.
He knew he wasn't alone in this and had seen letters in the problem pages of newspapers and magazines from others who seemed to have a similar problem so he made a note of the organisations that were recommended as being able to help and contacted them. He joined up, hoping that the possibility of making contact with others would help him but he found that unless you were prepared to go out as a woman and meet fellow transvestites you could not even become a full member and use the contact facilities. The comfort of knowing there were thousands of others did little to help him and he let his membership lapse.
So there he was, confused, alone and wretched. No-one to talk to about it, no help, no solace, no light at the end of the tunnel. Just the prospect of living out his life as he was now. Even being Gay must be better than this, he thought during his moments of despair, at least society tolerates them and lets them be what they want to be. I wonder how my boss and colleagues would react if I walked into work with a skirt and blouse on, he would wonder. No need to ask really, it wouldn't affect his work, he would still be the same person, yet he would almost certainly be sacked or sent home on the spot and would be the subject of ridicule and torment forever after.
It was a closely guarded secret for Keith, his ex-wife had known and left him for it, he thought his mother probably knew but had never mentioned it, but other than that he had told nobody. He lived with this secret daily, worrying in case he had an accident or was ill and had to go to hospital where they would discover his bare legs, careful in toilet cubicles and changing rooms in case they showed, and facing the knowing glances of the shop assistants when he bought items of female clothing that were obviously his size. It affected his life in every way imaginable, yet he couldn't talk to anyone about it.
If it had been just the clothes he could probably have handled it but he felt female as well. He found it easy to talk to women and usually got on well with them but without thinking he would sometimes start talking about women's clothes and fashion and they, seeing him as a man, would become suspicious of him and clam up.
He had contemplated suicide on several occasions but was not the sort of person who would do that, he was strong willed and determined to find a solution, yet it made him so miserable that often there seemed no other way out of it.
The years rolled by and he was learning to cope little by little when he picked up the paper one day and read an article about the advances in transplantation surgery and how they could even perform brain transplants these days. His mind switched into overdrive. Could this be the answer? had the solution to his problem arrived at last? He made a note of the leading doctor's name and the following morning he made an appointment to see him.
The trip up to London passed uneventfully, he found his way to the doctor's office and was finally ushered in. This was his big moment, his one and only chance of sorting his life out. His heart was beating so hard he thought it was trying to escape from his chest but there was no going back now. With a deep breath he told the doctor his story, explained his misery and despair and finally said to him that he would volunteer to be a guinea-pig for the operations, would sign any disclaimers and take any risks, if he could have his brain transplanted into the body of a woman.
The doctor remained calm throughout Keith's explanation, listened to him without interruption and his only reaction was when Keith uttered that final sentence. His bushy eyebrows raised slightly and he nodded sagely while Keith sank back in the chair, physically and emotionally drained, knowing he had given it his best shot and feeling sure the doctor would think he was a mad-man and throw him out.
The doctor ordered some coffee for them both over his intercom then sat back in his large chair with his eyes closed. The coffee was delivered and poured by an efficient secretary wearing a pretty floral dress that Keith admired, and only when she had left the room again did the doctor open his eyes and sit forward.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked, and Keith confirmed that he could see no other way of resolving his problem and that, yes, he was positive that he would go through with it if he could. The doctor then proceeded to tell him that in actual fact the surgery was far more advanced that they admitted to the papers and had been already been performed with 100% success on human beings. He explained that there was still a lot of research to be done before it would be made public and that one thing they hadn't thought of, let alone tried, was putting a male brain into a female body and vice-versa.
He told Keith that he would be in touch and suggested that he approach his doctor as if he wanted to have a sex change as he would need therapy and psychiatric help to be able to handle life as a woman. He also said that if Keith could find a female who wanted to become a man and was prepared to undergo the operation, he would consider it very seriously.
Keith left the office as if he was floating on air. Could it be that he would actually be able to become a woman? Not a re-built man but the genuine article? It was impossible to believe. He had gone in there with a half-baked idea and within half an hour it was on the verge of becoming reality.
Arriving home he made an appointment to see his doctor that evening but found it even more difficult talking to him about it as he had been Keith's doctor since he was a child. He felt so elated that he managed it and, after repeating what he had said earlier, the G.P. agreed that he would arrange for him to see a psychiatrist and get the procedure under way.
There followed a delay of several weeks and Keith came down to earth again, doubts creeping in as to whether it would be possible and what if he couldn't find a woman who was equally sure. He began to get depressed and almost didn't bother to go to the psychiatrist but when the day arrived he decided there was nothing to loose now and went along. He convinced the psychiatrist as well and his therapy began, he was told he must live as a woman for a period of six months which Keith knew was unnecessary, and was put in touch with a support group of fellow transexuals.
Their next meeting happened to be that week and happened to be at a country house so Keith packed his female clothes and make-up into a bag, drove out to a quiet spot and made himself look as good as he could before going along. He knew he wasn't convincing but it didn't matter, all he wanted was to find a like minded female and persuade her to go along with his plan.
As he walked into the room he felt foolish - this was the very first time he had dressed as a woman in public - but his mind was on surveying the other people. They were mostly women, that is men who were going to become women, but there were about four "men", one of which was about as unconvincing as he felt. She was quite attractive in her own way, disguised heavily by her masculine look but nevertheless feminine, and Keith decided that she was the one.
He approached her and introduced himself, using all the charm he could muster but remembering that he was supposed to be the woman and she the man. He explained that it was his first time and he'd appreciate being "looked after", which was obviously the right thing to say because she took him under her wing and they became friends in no time at all.
At the end of the meeting he asked her if he could see her socially and invited her to his flat for dinner the following weekend. She agreed and he went home to plan his tactics. It was all working out perfectly so far, he couldn't believe that after all the problems and worries it was finally going to end happily.
The weekend came and she arrived for dinner, wearing a good quality suit and immaculately shining shoes, while Keith wore his favourite evening dress, one he had bought earlier in the year and had spent many evenings wishing he could wear out to a dinner-dance and be the belle of the ball.
The meal went well and they found that, aside from the obvious, they had lots in common, and by the end of the night they were firm friends. Keith was still worried about going out with his women's clothes on so he invited her there again and was delighted when she accepted.
The friendship blossomed and in a few weeks they were almost unseperable. Keith's feelings about her were in a turmoil, he quite fancied her as a female yet she was only interested in becoming a man and didn't give any indication of any feelings other than deep friendship and camaraderie so he made sure not to show any sign of it to her. Time was slipping away though and the London doctor had told him to find a partner soon so he sat down with her and told her of his plan. He just didn't know how she'd react at all. It was the perfect solution to both their problems yet it was also risky and extreme.
She was shocked by it, of that there was no doubt, but she only had to think about it for a few moments before she nodded her head and agreed that it was the only way they could both fulfil their true destinies. They discussed it at length and it turned out that she had felt exactly the same misgivings about having the operation and drugs. Within the hour they had the matter settled all bar one point.
They suddenly realised that they had only seen the other in the clothes of the gender they wanted to be so Keith lent her a dress and he went off to change into his male clothes. When they set eyes on each-other there was almost a look of love passing between them. They both realised that they would be happy in the body of the other - a feeling that overrode any emotional bond between them at that time, despite the fact that it amounted to them finding each-other very attractive.
They sat down and discussed the practical side of the arrangement and came to the conclusion that if they lived together they could live as their real, or physical, selves then, after the change-over, nothing would have altered to the outside world and they could teach each-other to behave exactly as that sex would.
They paid a visit to London and Keith introduced her to the doctor, they both signed indemnities against anything going wrong and the doctor witnessed a contract between them to say that they both agreed with what was to happen. There was no need for delay now and they booked into a hotel for the night while the doctor arranged for the operation to take place.
The details of the operation are unnecessary here but suffice to say it worked perfectly and the following day they had exchanged bodies and were on the road to recovery.
The problems were many, from basic bodily functions to smaller details such as applying make-up properly or remembering to shave in the mornings, and Keith (now Michelle) was horrified when her first period started. It was going to take a long time to get used to this.
They lived together for a year, helping each-other with all the finer points of being that sex. Michelle grew her hair long and bought lots of pretty and feminine clothes and underwear while Keith grew a moustache and some fine suits and became very handsome and debonaire.
They both changed completely; Michelle, who had always been a tomboy and dressed in jeans and T-shirts, became a beautiful and sophisticated woman while Keith, always scruffy and wearing ill- fitting clothes, became almost a playboy. They found themselves falling in love with each-other over that period of time and began to forget the background and unhappiness that had caused them to meet.
They were both completely content in their new bodies and adapted to their new identities in time such that they were accepted everywhere without question. They started their own business and became very successful and were amazed when Michelle became pregnant and bore their first son.
Their happiness was complete and the past forgotten totally. They secretly funded the London doctor's research into making brain transplants a practical reality, but alas he died not long after and theirs was the one and only operation of its type ever performed.
Not exactly a true story, but a very vivid
dream and who knows, maybe one day....
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