Thanks, Marcel! Skias Onar
Rudy saw Jamey for the first time at a friend's birthday party. Jamie came up and introduced himself. Rudy was pretty boozed at that time, but Jamey stood out. No, sexual attraction was definitely not there, but Jamey was quite interesting. Not the type Rudy was usually attracted to, though. He was sure about that. First of all, Jamey was too young. Much too young. Only about nineteen. And Rudy knew that it was a definite "no, no" for him. Not that he had ever tried, but it was just a gut feeling. Besides, what could he have in common with a nineteen year old.
Rudy felt that at his twenty three he was awfully mature. He was almost done with his degree, he knew every nook and corner at school, people said "hi" to him in the streets. For God's sake, he was already pretty much "established". And Jamey was just kind of "out there".
Still, it must have been just this splash of "native" blood. That's what was probably responsible for the effect. A very thin, fragile and delicate frame. Grace almost feline. Black hair parted in the middle and falling straight down on his face, two black beads for eyes. A short nose with just a small bump in the middle. Small chin, making for a childish look. All in all, he looked more like a mystical beast taking human shape than a real human being. The kid was not wearing anything that would make him noticed, but somehow the resemblance to a fantastic animal made any apparel unnecessary. As soon as Rudy saw him, he became half of his Universe for the moment. And Rudy was not sure what was the other half. Still there was nothing sexual in it. Jamey was just "interesting".
Rudy's inflamed mind focused on Jamey and tried to think anything else out of existence. Of course it did not quite work that way. He had been at the party long enough, had good looks, his T-shirt was clinging tightly to his chest. Everybody wanted to be near him. And Rudy got his share of fun. Alcohol was being consumed at an amazing rate, as if people were inhaling it. Pretty soon things became pretty warm. Rudy felt like he wanted to talk to everyone. Naturally, because of the loud music and a lot of noise around, he had to be really close to the person he was talking to, to hear what in the world it was that they were saying. A lot of feeling and touching. People whispering in his ear, him whispering to others. That wonderful contact, occurring as if inadvertently, and in reality electric currents of a mind rendering force running between the touching legs, arms, torsos. A tongue occasionally scratching an earlobe or a cheekbone -- but perhaps it was just the alcohol. Rudy kept moving around.
Still, his eyes always found Jamey. He was wearing black pants, rather baggy, with a chain hanging out of the right pocket. A simple polo shirt, a rather worn down woolen jacket. The boy seemed to be constantly ready for him, seeking him out in the crowd. Anytime Rudy tried to sneak a peak, he always encountered those two black beads firing at him from the opposite corner of the room.
Rudy made his way to the bathroom. Coming back, he ran into the boy face to face.
"Excuse me," he said, "do you have a light?"
"No", Rudy answered.
"I am Jamey", and he stretched out his hand.
"Rudy. Nice meeting you, Jamey".
Nice? Indeed he was not lying. But he was totally unprepared for what came next: "I think you are very cute. I want to be with you tonight".
What?! Rudy felt like someone hit him over the head with a blunt instrument.
The kid being so forward was fine with Rudy. It was just a very simple and undeniable fact that there was no attraction. Not sexual, anyway.
"But you are so young!"
"I am nineteen", Jamey answered visibly touched by the comment. And then he was gone and Rudy did not even regret it. As much as Rudy hated to be on the receiving end of rejection, he always got a perverse pleasure from being on the giving end. This time he was rejecting. It felt really good. In a gloomy and degenerate sort of way, but still good nonetheless.
He went back to the living room sat down, wishing someone had cut out his tongue at birth. People kept coming up, and he seemed as cheerful and entertaining as ever. But his heart was not with it. "Oh damn," he thought, "there will be other nights. What am I so upset about?!"
The big problem was that Rudy could no longer relax enough. He could not get rid of an unpleasant sensation that he "blew it". What exactly, he did not know. He looked around the room. It had to be a curse of some kind. The house was big enough, so why was this boy always near him. Did he have to drive him that crazy?! Rudy tried to get up from the couch he was sitting on. Not a chance. Someone was holding him tightly by the edge of the T-shirt. From his couch, Rudy could see Don approaching Jamey. They were talking, Rudy could not hear a word of it. No doubt, some kind of a party nonsense. But why was Don putting his arm around Jamey's waist. Don was older than Rudy, and even though they were friends, Rudy could not help but think of him as some kind of a loser. Why? He would not be able to answer this question himself. Don was quite comfortable, had a good job. It had to be something in his attitude. He was not perfectly happy with himself, or at least Rudy thought so. Jamey should find that attractive? It seemed like an insult. And he still was not sure why. It was laughable. Was it not jealousy that he was feeling? Yet there was no good earthly reason to feel that way. He would understand it, if he knew Jamey for a while and really loved him. Then, as his love evaporated he could understand possessiveness take place of love and cause extreme jealousy, at the thought of something he considered "his" slipping away. But this was obviously not the case. Rudy laughed out loud at the thoughts flooding him so suddenly.
But then he looked at Jamey again. He did not really think of taking him to bed. What he wanted was to sit next to the boy, look at him, feel the fire, dormant but alive behind those incredible black eyes, the flame ready to gush out at any moment. Rudy wanted to study the boy, absorb him, be swayed by the magnet of his personality. Just a thought alone of anything more physical appeared repulsive.
Still, his contact with Jamey was now lost. He seemed too engrossed in his talk with Don. Don's arm was now firmly wrapped around Jamey's waist. It was making Rudy lose all concentration. "Why the fuck does he have to do that!" He could not help thinking. And yet, the next moment he was ready to laugh at himself: what was he angry about?
The rest of the party was hard to remember. Rudy's mind stored just fragments of what was going on: more drinks, guests leaving, him sitting helplessly on the couch, staring at people. Then someone helping him to his feet. And dropping him back on the couch -- his shoes being pulled off, then his jeans. Someone carefully covering him with a blanket. A warm kiss on the forehead. But that was not really a memory. More like a warm wave moving slowly through his body. Then everything was black.
When Rudy opened his eyes, a ray of sunshine struck straight at his eyeballs and made him flinch. He turned his face to the pillow, purred like a big kitten and was ready to plunge himself back into the unconsciousness he came from.
"Come on, big man," he heard a laughing voice over him. "Time to snap out of it. Just for a sec. You've gotta have a royal headache right now, turn around."
Rudy unwillingly complied. He was not really surprised that the voice belonged to Jamey, but he admitted to himself that he was quite pleased. Jamey's face was hovering over the couch Rudy slept on. The boy was holding a glass of water in his right hand. In his left hand, he must have been holding some kind of a medicine. Rudy obediently took the pill and swallowed. Then he looked around. He saw a living room with almost nothing in it, except for the couch he was sleeping on. The room was spacious, and there was a fire place, obviously not ever used, a TV set, a coffee table next to the couch Rudy was sleeping on, some photos on the walls, a clock with a slowly moving pendulum. Not much else. One thing was for sure: it was a living room Rudy had never seen before in his life.
"What the fuck!" He cried out, propping himself sharply on the elbow. Then he saw his clothes spread carefully over a chair next to the couch. For some reason, it calmed him down.
"Let's not get too exited now." Jamey laughed. "You are among friends. Got pretty stoned last night. I had to take you home, that's all. Hey, I'm making breakfast, and you are getting some, then I will drive you back to your car. Deal?"
"Ahh-hm," the only thing Rudy could master. He felt rather stupid. At the same time it was quite a pleasant feeling, this kind of stupid. He sighed and plopped himself back on the pillow.
"No, no! That will not do at all! No, I will not wake him up..."
Rudy sat up with a start. What? How long had it been. Could not have been more than a few minutes. He looked in the direction of the voice. He saw Jamey standing at the far end of the living room, a cordless phone in his hand.
"Oh, the sleeping beauty's just brought himself back to the world of the awake", he was giggling into the receiver. "Yeah, I'm going to feed him first, and then we'll be over. Yes. As soon as we can." A pause. "Listen, I can't kick a man with a hangover out without some kind of food. Right. Like it makes any difference: you are not ok to drive anyway. Yes. Should probably thank him. Bye." Jamey pressed the "off" button.
"Apparently your car is blocking Chris's driveway, so we are urged to get there with all the expediency we are capable of for fear of heavy reprisals," Jamey said to Rudy.
"In Chris's words, I should get my fucking ass there as fast as I can, or he'll kick the shit out of me." Rudy ventured.
They both laughed.
"You gotta know your man better than I do, if you can translate him into English so well without a dictionary."
"Chris and I go a long way..."
Rudy looked Jamey over. Jamey was wearing just short silk boxers, Rudy did not even have to strain his imagination. The body in front of his eyes was truly fine. Just a little bit of fat at the love handles, but still nicely shaped abs, pecs, biceps. Not buff at all, but just enough definition to dazzle. And that tan. Had to be the natural color, Rudy thought. Above all Jamey's legs. Long, thin, gracious, muscular. And those black silk boxers bulging in just the right place. Maybe he should think again about his attraction...
"All right," said Jamey, "We should not cause extreme emotional distress to Chris!"
"Not to mention, pissing him off," Rudy picked up.
They both laughed.
=====
The phone rang early on Sunday morning. Rudy, picked it up, and without any attempt to hide his displeasure said in a somber sleepy voice: "There better be a good reason!"
"Oh, I am sorry," was the reply. "I thought, you would be up by now."
"Ah, it's you Jamey." Rudy softened a little. "It's fine. What's up?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to make good on that breakfast that you missed the other day. Can I come over and make you one?"
"You'd be more than welcome," replied Rudy, thinking to himself: `Wonderful. Another one of those.' Out loud he said: "But I have barely any food at home!"
"Not to worry. I am bringing my own."
Unable to argue with his mind still lost in the dream-land, Rudy surrendered.
"Fine, how soon are you going to be here? Do you need directions?"
"Oh, I'll be over in about five minutes. I am actually on my way. And no, Chris gave me the directions. Thanks. And you don't have to do anything. Just open the door."
"All right, see you soon. I think I will go back and check out how that last dream ended. The door will be unlocked, the kitchen is all yours. See ya!"
"Bye!"
Rudy hung up. He pondered the phone call for a minute. At the end he was happy someone was going to come and take care of his breakfast for him. If it had to be that cute Jamey, so much the better. The picture of sculptured slightly tanned smooth legs and the black silk boxers sprang to his mind. He smiled to himself and went back to sleep.
A commotion in his kitchen woke him up. He looked at his alarm clock. He was only asleep for barely half an hour. Rudy stretched in his bed, unwilling to give up the Dream Universe. His mind was slowly emerging from its sleepy state, ready to join his body. The commotion in the kitchen stopped. The door to his room opened slowly, and there was Jamey cautiously peeking in.
"Come on in, I'm awake", Rudy encouraged him.
"Good morning, sir. Breakfast, sir." Said Jamey in a mock English accent.
"This is a damn nice view to start a Sunday with," Rudy thought.
Indeed, the nineteen year old was wearing just silk boxers, red this time, and Rudy's blue bathrobe. The bathrobe was half opened, and framed Jamey's body quite nicely, accentuating all the right parts. The young butler approached Rudy's bed, and settled the tray in his lap. An omelet, some toast, a steaming cup of tea. Rudy smelled the tea.
"How did you know I liked Earl Grey?!"
"The secret is out," Jamey smiled. "Chris told me."
"Hmm, what else did he tell you about me?" Rudy mocked.
"Nothing much. That I am probably not your type. You appear to like older men."
"Oh, c'me on. What does Chris know?"
The smell of eggs made him hungry, and he wolfed the omelet, while showering the chef with compliments.
"And anyway, I would like some dessert together with the breakfast. Pardon me if it sounds tacky." He put away the tray and motioned Jamey to his bed. The boy approached and the smile on his face was all the encouragement Rudy needed. He grabbed the boy's head, pulled him down and planted a firm kiss on his lips. The bathrobe slid down revealing the firm and graceful contours of Jamey's body. Rudy moved his hands towards the boxers. His hands touched Jamie's manhood through the silk. That silky feeling sent Rudy into a frenzy. His partner seemed to pick up the mood. The were kissing passionately, the silk of Jamey's lips resonating with the sensation Rudy felt in his fingers. Soon the underwear was off, Rudy turned towards his nightstand for "the gentleman's survival kit", as he called his lube and condoms. He liked nothing better than that pair of perfect legs on his shoulders. Jamey went crazy. He grabbed Rudy's buttocks and made it impossible for him to move. He was doing everything himself, relaxing and tensing up his sphincter muscle. Rudy never felt a pleasure that intense. How did his partner do it was his guess. The orgasm was explosive and not a moment too soon. Rudy thought that if it happened just a second later, he would probably be dead in his lover's arms. Speechless, he collapsed on top of the boy.
They spent a few minutes frozen in the same position. Finally Rudy found strength to turn over and lay next to Jamey.
"It's a hell of a way to start a day. Thank you Jamey." And he kissed the boy on the cheek.
"Any time, master." Jamey smiled. "So, I guess Chris was wrong after all?"
"He must have been", Rudy smiled back.
The weekend was over all too soon, and the regular routine was reasserting itself. Rudy went through his normal day-to-day business: school, tutoring, going out with friends. He did not think of Jamey once during the entire day on Monday.
On Tuesday he met Chris at the University cafeteria for lunch, and in the course of a lazy, casual conversation Chris asked about "breakfast with Jamey". That was the way he put it and to further show that he was quite informed, he accompanied the question with a wink. At first Rudy was baffled, how could Chris know, since he did not tell anyone about what happened on Sunday morning, but Chris demystified him right away, by explaining that Jamey called him for Rudy's phone number. They both laughed a little at the matter and went on to their classes.
At night, just before drifting off to sleep, Rudy recalled that talk with Chris at lunch, and Jamey surfaced again in his mind. He fell asleep with those thoughts. Surprisingly, he woke up with those same thoughts. During the course of the day, he was suddenly shaken by a realization, that since they shared so much on that Sunday morning, he should probably call Jamey and thank him. Did he leave a phone number? An e-mail address? But an e-mail would be ridiculous. It would be escapist. Besides, it would be sort of nice to meet up again. Rudy mustered up enough courage to approach Chris and ask for Jamey's phone number.
Chris's reaction was no surprise: "Ah-ha, stage two now," Chris smirked.
"Chris. Why can't you just shut up and give me the fucking number?!" Rudy exploded. He was ashamed of himself right away, what was there to be upset about?
"Temper, temper!" Chris said mockingly. "One thing though. Take a word of advice from me. Be careful. I don't think he's trouble, but who knows. I don't think it's for you."
"Fine. First of all, I just wanted to thank him for breakfast on Sunday; second, it's none of your business."
"Ok. Don't say I haven't warned you. I tried..."
Rudy could not wait to get home that night. Finally, he dialed the number.
"Hello?" answered the by now familiar soft voice.
"Hi Jamey, it's Rudy."
"Oh! How wonderful! I thought you'd never call!"
Rudy tried to find as many words as he could to thank Jamey for the great time he had on Sunday. He said he would like to see him again.
"That's cool. I'd love to see you again too. What are you doing now? I mean, want to come over?"
Rudy did not quite expect it, but after all, his evening was free, and he realized that he would really like to see Jamie now.
The house where Jamie lived was not very far away, in the University district. Rudy hopped into the car and drove the few blocks to where Jamey lived. The streets were dark, gloomy and the yellow electric light seemed to make the fogged air even thicker.
Rudy knocked on the door. A roommate invited Rudy in. He found himself in a dark hallway. He could barely see his way. The roommate led Rudy to Jamey's room. Jamey was there in what Rudy realized must have been his favorite attire: nothing but silk boxers. This time yellow.
"Sorry, I didn't come to meet you. Didn't want to catch a cold like this. I asked Dave to let you in."
Rudy pulled off his sweater. Without saying another word, Jamey approached him and stood so close, their hips touched. He helped Rudy out of his clothes, and the longest, most passionate kiss of Rudy's entire life followed. The small room started moving and a dresser, a small bed, posters on the walls all started spinning around in a dazzling swirl, while the floor, the ceiling, the walls seemed to become one surface. Rudy thought he would for sure fall down if Jamey was not holding him tight. The rest of his clothes was peeled off, the only thing he could see was Jamey's face. His hands were touching the hard, warm flesh. He moved his right hand and boldly dipped it into the boxers. He was stroking Jamey's hard dick and the boy was going wild under him.
"You've got to stop." Jamey breathed out. "I don't want to come yet."
He lifted his legs to help Rudy pull off the boxers. Thoughts of the "gentleman's survival kit" flashed in Rudy's enflamed mind. It seemed that Jamey and he were thinking the same thing.
Rudy exploded instants after penetrating Jamey's rosebud. He collapsed on top of his lover, completely out of breath. They started kissing again, and it was all that was necessary for both to get hard again.
This time, sex was slow, both seemed very conscious of even the slightest changes in each other's moods, but when the orgasm came, and it came to both almost at the same time, Rudy felt as if the entire Universe flinched and all things in it shifted their positions by a millionth of inch.
"What a wonderful arrogant feeling" Rudy thought and smiled to himself.
After that night the routine changed for Rudy. A thought of Jamey was injected very firmly into every single moment of his day. He would wake up with that thought, he would go to sleep with Jamey's name on his lips. Rudy was very busy with his schoolwork, the spring term was coming to an end, and with all the studying that had to be done, the boys could not see each other as often as they would like. Rudy seemed to live in an ecstasy. He was quite happy, but his friends did not share it.
"You are becoming distant, buddy. I don't like it." Chris would say to him. "It's not that I don't understand what having a boyfriend means, but Jamey and you aren't like that, face it. So, what's all this obsession about?! We don't see you that much anymore, you hang out with him, it's fine. But his friends..."
Rudy could not object. Indeed, Chris was right, Jamey kept a company he would not choose to hang out with. It was hard to say why Jamey hand-picked his friends that way, but there was not much Rudy could talk about with them. If it were not for Jamey, Rudy would not spend a minute with those people. And thus, even though Rudy was treated well, he always felt like an outsider.
Nonetheless, he loved all Jamey's friends, and preferred their company to that of his old ones. They were friends with the boy he was madly in love with, and some of that feeling rubbed off on them. And Rudy was certain he was madly in love. When Jamey was not near him, he would start bouncing off the walls. Unfortunately, they had to spend a lot of time apart because of school, and Jamey found it increasingly hard to concentrate.
Old friends started making fun of Rudy. Every conversation had to have Jamey's name in it somehow. Nobody knew how, but it just crept in. If they were talking about classes, Rudy would say:
"Oh, yeah, I remember Jamey told me he had that professor for one term."
Or, if they discussed weekend travel, he would let something like this slip: "Jamey and I once went there. It was fun."
Indeed, places and people now became significant to Rudy only if they were somehow connected with his lover. Either it was something Jamey told him about, or it was a place they visited together. Jamey seemed to possess some kind of an aura that permeated the entire Rudy's universe, took it over, subdued it. Rudy did not want anything better.
His school work started to reflect his obsession. He had to give up the tutoring job, because he could no longer concentrate and give enough time to people he was tutoring. His brain would just lapse into delicious, languid daydreams, right in the middle of a session, and that was definitely not a way to tutor. His favorite professors were growing increasingly irritated with his missed home-works and skipped classes. Chris tried to warn him -- nothing helped. Realizing what he had to do, Rudy just could not find enough will power to do it.
At the same time, he started seeing Jamey less and less. Jamey wanted to spend a lot more time with his friends, and, unlike Rudy, was truly absorbed in his studies.
At first Rudy would call every night, they would talk for a long time, but Jamey rarely agreed to see his lover. The phone conversations started to become more and more intense, almost every time, when Rudy would hang up, he was on the verge of crying. Then, one day, Jamey moved and his phone number was disconnected. He either forgot or did not tell Rudy on purpose, but when one night Rudy called, he got a recording informing him that the number was disconnected. Frustrated, angry, and scared, Rudy got into his car and drove to Jamey's place. He saw that the window in Jamey's room was dark. The roommate, Dave, told him that Jamey had moved. He said that he was "not at liberty" to give out the new address.
Rudy spent the next couple of days walking on cotton legs. He kept visiting all of the hangouts, where Jamey normally spent time, until he finally, on the third day, found Jamey. Exhausted, he wanted to give Jamey the taste of all his fury. But one smile from the boy made all of his rage disappear in a flash.
"Rudy!" Jamey greeted him. He seemed happy to see him. "Come on, join me!"
They were at Enfer, everyone's favorite coffee shop.
"Where have you been for two days?!" Rudy breathed out. "One day I'm going to go completely crazy!"
The Spring term was almost over, the sun was not yet merciless. Its warmth gently caressed the skin. Everyone was wearing shorts and T-shirts, or short sleeves. Rudy noticed, that Jamey's tan seemed to become even deeper. It had been a while since they last met!
"Oh. I'm sorry. I moved and needed some time for myself. You understand."
"I guess."
There was an awkward pause.
"So, are you ready for the finals?" Rudy broke the silence that started getting uncomfortable.
"Oh well, I am never ready for the finals. I think I will do fine, though. It's just so annoying." He sighed and sipped more coffee from his cup. "Anyway, doing anything for your vacation?"
"I have not decided yet," Rudy answered cautiously. He was not sure if the question was a prelude to an invitation to do something together. He held his breath. "How about yourself?"
"Well," Jamey paused. "My friend Helen is going hiking in Canada with her boyfriend, and they invited me. I think I will go."
There was another pause. Jamey's words slowly sunk in. Rudy was surprised that he was still staying calm. As a matter of fact, those words seemed so devastating, that their full meaning had not hit home yet.
"I'm gonna go. I've got lots of stuff to do for tomorrow," said Jamey and got up.
Rudy started to get up as well. Jamey gave him a warm hug and kissed him gently on the cheek.
The finals came and went. During all that time, Rudy saw Jamey a few times. After the last final they went out together with some common friends. And then he was gone. Rudy had no plans to leave the city, he had to stay, get a job, continue with the same routine. The only difference was that he did not have to go to school. In a way it was fortunate: even though he was not doing too well by the end, his work through the semester helped to pull him to decent results on the finals, and his overall grades, even though far from spectacular, were still not bad.
Still, day in and day out, he had to deal with his emotions. Except that now he could not even call Jamey. Seeing his friends was not an option either, for nobody had any news of how his hiking trip was going. Jamey had simply disappeared.
Their evening together after the finals was like a lapse into the "old times" for Rudy. His hopes were renewed. But when Jamey left the next morning, Rudy just did not want to get out of bed and face it. The whole Summer in front of him appeared in his mind like an incredible weight tied to his neck. A burden he had to carry without any help.
For the first week, Rudy stayed in bed almost all the time. He would crawl out for some food a few times, but mostly just slept, or, when he could not, his thoughts turned to the same object. He was absorbed in an endless flow of thoughts, that actually just circled around the object of his ailing desire.
One day, Chris came to visit. Seeing the state the apartment was in, he was shocked. But Chris was a good friend, he did not show anything.
"Listen," Chris said, "the library could really use you for the Summer. You need a job. At least it will give you something to do to take your mind off ... you know..."
"Yeah," Rudy sighed. "It's time to snap out." He felt something gathering up in his stomach. He took a deep breath. "When do I start?"
"All right! That's the attitude!" Chris tousled his friend hair. "Why don't you start tomorrow."
"I'll be there." Rudy promised.
At least now he had something to drag him out of bed in the morning. Besides, he was behind on bills, for the first time in his life, so he could really use the job.
After just a couple of hours on the job, Rudy realized how grateful he had to be to Chris. Being among people again was not just refreshing. It seemed to completely rejuvenate Rudy. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world: seeing new people, new faces. Most of the visitors to the library were the summer school students. Helping them was fun, and Rudy abandoned himself to his work. He soon became everybody's favorite, and people would come back to the library looking for him. He would still think of Jamey every now and then, but at least it was tolerable, and his life was on track again.
One night, after a particularly busy day at work, he fell asleep, and in his dream he saw Jamey. He was with Helen and her boyfriend, and all four of them were walking through a very strange landscape. It appeared realistic enough, but everything had an intolerable shade of crimson. It was a huge meadow with tall grass they were walking through. The irritating red reflected very strangely in Jamey's face. He seemed to be wearing just red silk boxers. His black hair also appeared red, for some reason. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, appeared an enormous beast. It was hard to see in the dream what it looked like. Most probably just like an ordinary cat, but many, many times bigger. But Rudy was not sure about the number of legs. And the tail was fuzzy. It was just the pair of bright-green eyes.
"We have to get the hell out of here!" Jamey screamed.
Then, he started growing taller and taller. His arms were getting transformed, and so was his face. It was becoming smaller, the chin was disappearing. Only the eyes remained intact. Then Rudy realized what he was turning into. He was just becoming a huge bat. Rudy could not help but burst out laughing.
He woke up with a start. It was already eight. He had enough time to get up, shower, and grab some breakfast before going to work.
In the shower, Rudy kept rerunning the dream in his head and could not help laughing at it again.
"My God," he thought, "What was I thinking?! I was so fucked up, I was almost ready to do stupid things with my life. For who? For what? I had to be insane."
He left his apartment with a smile on his lips, feeling completely liberated. He had never been happier in his life.