Disclaimer: I don't want to imply that Josh and Justin from *NSync are gay. Maybe they are, maybe they are not. This story just came to my mind, and I'm using their pretty faces for it. If you don't like that fact, then don't read the story. This is fiction.
Feedback is always appreciated!!
If only
I have never considered myself gay, or even bisexual. I mean, I have a girlfriend that I love. She was my first kiss, when I was 12, and she was my first love. And still is. Okay, maybe I always thought love would be - more. Don't get me wrong, I really love her. She's not the bitch that many people think she is. She's nice. It's hard for her to be in the spotlight all the time, with all the people judging her, waiting for her to mess up. Although she's been in the business for several years, she's still insecure sometimes, and she does things that show how young she still is. When we're alone, she's different - relaxed, laid-back, funny.
Some people say I don't know what real love is, because I've only been with her and nobody else in my life. Maybe they're right. When I was younger, I always thought that one day I'd meet that special person that I know I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'd see them and know it. And when we kiss, my heart would beat faster, and my hands would get sweaty, and my knees would buckle, and my stomach would flutter, and I would feel like I can fly.
I don't have these feelings with her. I never had. But I feel good when I'm with her - she makes me feel good. She makes me feel special, and loved. And I love her enough to think that one day I'll marry her, and we'll spend the rest of our lives together. Because I know I will never find a better girl than her.
As I already said, I don't think of myself as bisexual. I never had feelings for a guy, not those kinds of feelings anyway. But I have been with a guy once. It happened when I was 16, 5 years ago, and it was only for a few hours. I have never told anyone about it before. Not because I regret it, but because I don't. I can't deny that it felt good. I didn't tell anybody because it is still special to me, and I will always remember that night. Especially because I still see that person everyday...
***** Flashback *****
"Okay, honey, we're leaving," Lynn said while buttoning up her coat and taking her purse. "I promised Jonathan that he can watch a movie with you and JC, but he has to go straight to bed after it. Make sure not to choose anything too exciting. I don't think we will be back before midnight, but if anything happens, just call my cell, I'll leave it on. - Oh, and Chris called a minute ago, he's staying at Joey's for the night."
"Okay, mom," Justin grinned. "Don't worry, nothing will happen, and I will make sure that Jon goes to bed the minute the movie is finished. Have fun at the movies." He waited until the door had closed behind her and Paul, then turned around and grinned at JC.
"Finally," he sighed. "Can you believe they still worry so much? You could think I am still a baby!" JC smiled back at him.
"You know how parents are, Justin. - Why don't you go up and take that shower you wanted to take, and in the meantime Jon can choose the movie he wants to watch and I'll make us some popcorn." He looked at his friend questioningly, and Justin nodded.
"Sounds good to me. I'll be back down in a few minutes." Justin ran up the stairs to his room where he grabbed some fresh clothes before he headed into the bathroom. He took a quick shower and then put on the clothes, a gray T-shirt and pyjama pants, but no boxers, because he hated to wear underwear in bed. He headed back down into the living room, where JC was already sitting on the couch with the TV remote in his hand and a bowl of popcorn in front of him on the table.
"Where's Jon?" Justin asked and plopped down onto the couch, immediately lying down, propping up the pillows under his head and putting his feet over JC's thighs. "You don't mind, do you?"
"You know I don't," JC answered, smiling sweetly. "Jon's in the bathroom getting ready for bed, he'll be here in a second. He said we could already watch the commercials without him. And by the way, we're watching `Kevin - Alone at home'." Justin rolled his eyes, but he didn't really care, because he knew that he and Josh would watch another video once his little brother was in bed.
JC started the video, and they watched the commercials. Two minutes later Jon came into the room, like Justin already in his pyjamas, his comforter in his hands. He grabbed a couple of pillows from the other couch and placed them in front of the couch Justin and JC were on, sitting down on them and placing the comforter over his legs.
"Hey," Justin protested. "You're sitting directly in front my head!"
"Then lay down the other way round. I'll stay here." Jonathan answered, shrugging. Justin grumbled and sat up, pouting. JC looked at him for a second and then sighed.
"Give me the pillows," he said, pointing to the ones Justin had just used. Justin did as he was asked, confused. JC placed the two pillows in his lap and said, "Come on, lay down." Justin smiled his sunniest smile at him.
"Thanks Josh!" He grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and placed it over his body, contentedly snuggling into the pillows on JC's lap. JC just giggled softly, placing one hand on Justin's hip, soothingly stroking it.
"Don't fall asleep on me, Just," he joked, and his friend turned his head and looked up at him.
"Don't worry, Josh, I won't."
"Be quiet, the movie is about to start." Jon's voice interrupted them, and Justin smiled up at JC and then turned his face back toward the screen.
Halfway through the movie JC had begun to absent-mindedly run his hand up and down Justin's arm and his side, pushing the blanket down several inches in doing so. That was something they always did - they had been very affectionate friends from the beginning, hugging a lot, kissing each other on cheeks and foreheads, even sleeping in one bed together occasionally when one of them was homesick or had a nightmare. Tonight it was different, though.
JC couldn't tell why it was different, but it was. Justin had placed one hand on JC's knees, softly stroking them, while JC was caressing his side, feeling the warmth of his friend's body through the thin T-shirt. He could feel a tingling in his groin that was making his head spin and his heart ache, but in a good way. He glanced down at the younger boy, but Justin was looking straight into the screen, not showing how affected he really was by what was going on.
Justin's heart began beating furiously since a few minutes ago. To be exact, since JC's fingers had slipped under the hem of his T-shirt and were now caressing the soft skin of his upper body. Gently stroking up and down, over the small of his back, then up to his shoulders, pushing the shirt up while doing so, and then back down, over his side, down to the waistband of his pyjama pants and over his stomach. He was tracing circles around Justin's navel, then dipping one finger in, tickling him a bit, before letting his hand crawl up towards his chest. Justin held his breath, silently asking himself if JC was going to do it, and then finally JC's fingers brushed over one of his nipples, gently caressing it with thumb and forefinger for several seconds, and then moving over to the other, doing the same. Justin gasped and looked at Jonathan, but the little boy was engrossed in the movie and didn't know what was happening on the couch behind him.
Justin grabbed JC's knee a bit harder and then let his hand wander up his thigh, silently encouraging him to go on. He heard JC draw in a shaky breath and closed his eyes, praying that his friend would not stop, because it felt so good. He shifted a bit higher on the couch, so that his shoulder and part of his arm were resting in JC's lap as well, and waited.
JC looked down at the boy in his lap and hesitated for a second. He knew that what was going on between them at the moment could easily destroy their friendship if they didn't handle it right, because they were going to cross a barrier that led to a completely different level. Then he felt Justin's hand slip between his legs, up the insides of his thighs, and the last bit of doubt was gone.
JC's hand was still hovering about Justin's right nipple, but not for much longer. He spread his fingers and pressed them onto Justin's chest and then let his hand trail down over his stomach to the waistband of his pants. Without further hesitation he slipped his hand inside, brushing his fingers through Justin's pubic hair - with a nervous grin when he noticed that Justin wasn't wearing any underwear - and then wrapping them around his already erected penis.
So this was it. He was touching another man's penis for the first time. Of course it didn't feel any different than his own, but still it was a completely new feeling, and a surprisingly good feeling.
Justin could barely suppress a moan. His best friend's fingers were touching his erection, not only touching it, but slowly moving up and down his shaft, and he was having a hard time thinking, his mind far away from any coherent thought. Three words were repeatedly running through his mind - . His hips began to move on their own, in time with JC's strokes, and he lifted his free right hand and grabbed JC's free right hand that was resting on the arm rest, interlacing their fingers. JC squeezed his hand lightly, and Justin turned his head down and bit into one of the pillow to stop himself from crying out loud.
JC shifted on the couch, his own sweatpants suddenly feeling much too tight, especially with Justin's head pressing the pillows down into his lap. He slowly unwrapped his fingers from his friend's penis and ignored his quiet protesting whimper, moving his hand over Justin's hip to his butt, where he began to caress and squeeze the ass cheeks, first softly, than more roughly, then softly again. He ran his index finger through the crack between the cheeks and teasingly rubbed it over Justin's hole, and Justin's hips shot forward, nearly knocking Jonathan - who had fallen asleep in the meantime, to both boy's relief - in the head. He tightened his grip on JC's hand and spread his legs, pressing his left foot into the seat of the couch. JC took the opportunity and let his hand drop deeper, right to the place where Justin's legs met, where he began to fondle his balls, softly squeezing them and rolling them around in his hand. Justin's breath had become irregular, and he had to raise his head from the pillow to gasp for air. He lifted his left hand from JC's legs and slipped it into his own shorts, where he began to stroke himself, adding to the pleasure JC's was giving him with his own hand.
JC was sweating slightly and began to move his groin under Justin's head, letting his head drop back on the couch, his mouth parted open, eyes shut, and without looking he reached higher and touched the tip of Justin's penis, scooping up the drops of pre- cum that had formed there. His fingers touched Justin's briefly, then he returned them to his butt, coating his middle finger with the pre-cum. With four fingers he parted Justin's ass cheeks, and with his middle finger he pressed lightly against Justin's entrance, waiting for any sign of disapproval. When none came, he pushed his finger forward, into Justin's body, letting it sink deeper and deeper, until it was in knuckles deep, and waited for Justin's reaction.
Justin moaned quietly, pressing his butt back on JC's finger, trying to get it deeper into him, while he sped up the movements of the hand that was stroking his penis, feeling close to the edge already. JC pulled his finger out and then returned with two, pushing them into the tight heat of Justin's body before he began to move them in and out repeatedly, each time pushing a bit deeper, making Justin squirm and moan furiously. This was one of the moments where he was thankful that Jonathan was such a deep sleeper, no matter how loud they were, they could be sure that his little brother wouldn't wake up.
JC pressed his fingers as deep as he could, and he felt something, like a small lump, and he moved his fingers against it. That was the final kick Justin needed, and he began to cum hard, shooting his semen into his pants and all over his left hand. Breathing like he had just run a marathon, he let his head fall back into the pillow in JC's lap and opened his eyes, looking up at the older boy, whose head was thrown back, breath coming in short pants. Although Justin was still exhausted, he pulled his hand out of his pants and untangled the other hand from JC's, raising himself up and turning around, so that he was now kneeling on the couch. He pulled the pillows from JC's lap and looked at the bulge that he knew would be there, and without any hesitation he grabbed the waistband of JC's sweatpants. Half unconsciously, JC raised his butt, and Justin worked the pants down to his knees, then he leaned down and engulfed JC's erection in one movement.
JC didn't last long. Justin bobbed up and down a few times, then deep throated him again, making swallowing movements with his throat, and JC moaned and shot his cum deep into Justin's throat, who swallowed it all. He let go of JC's now soft penis with a plopping sound, gave it one final kiss and pulled the pants back up, before he finally laid back again, with his head in JC's lap, and closed his eyes. Within a few seconds he was deep asleep.
JC raised his head from the back-rest and once again looked down at the boy who had his head in his lap. Smiling softly, he pulled the blanket up from the foot of the couch, spreading it over his friend, and then he allowed himself to rest his head again and close his eyes.
***** End Flashback *****
Now you know it. Yes, it was Josh. Straight Josh, who has had a steady girlfriend for two years. But well, look at me. Maybe you want to know if anything changed after that night. No, it didn't. If anything, we've become even closer. We still hug and touch and kiss a lot, like before, and we still are the best of friends.
We never talked about what happened, but it wasn't necessary. It just happened. I've never told anybody about it before, and I'm sure JC didn't either. I'm happy with my girlfriend, she's the best girl in the world. I think I'll ask her to marry me soon. But you know what?
Sometimes - just sometimes - I ask myself if maybe JC and me could have had the chance to have a future together, if JC could have been that person I always dreamed about - if only we had talked about that night.