Title: That Certainly Wasn't In Hogwarts: A History Author: NeoMalfoy Parings: Harry/Draco, Harry/Almost any cannon character you can think of.... Disclaimer: This Work of Perversion Contains Characters and Places Created By J.K. Rowling and published by various publishers worldwide No cash is being made in the production of this fic... Notes: Fic for The Great Who's Line is it Anyway Challenge Comments/Howlers to: NeoMalfoy@yahoo.ca
"This does NOT look like a wizards duel to me!" Gasped Hermione Granger as she walked in on a very naked Boy Who Lived.
"'Mione!" exclaimed Harry.
"Granger," Smirked Draco Malfoy, who was in no better state of dress then Harry.
"Harry," Blushed Ron as he walked around the corner and stood in the doorway, noticing his friends and companions state, "Nooooo!!!!"
Ron Began to screech, "... Malfoy... Naked! Never want to see that again!" and began to claw at his eyes.
Snatching up his robe Draco remarked, "If you keep clawing at your eyes Weasel you just may get your wish," and with that had wrapped up in his robes and swept out of the room.
After he was gone Hermione seemed to find her voice again, "Malfoy! Harry of all the people at Hogwarts MALFOY!? It couldn't have been anyone else... even Snape would be better then... MALFOY!"
"Ummm... Well... Snape, Yeah," blushed Harry.
"Not Snape too!?" cried Ron. "Don't tell me you've slept with everyone at Hogwarts But A Centaur!"
"Okay I won't tell you I've slept with a Centaur..." giggled Harry as they left the room.
"You WHAT!!" Gagged Hermione and Ron.
"Last week when we were out gathering Shrivlefiggs in Herbology. I ran into Firenze who seemed rather... aroused and you know me... I had to ask. 'I just have a thing for toes, flobberworms and shrivelfiggs... Other then that I'm perfectly normal... for a centaur.' He replied and well one thing lead to another and... Gee Centaurs are hung like horses..."
At this point Ron was about as green as one of Snapes potions, "Stop..." He wheezed, covering his ears.
All the while Harry had been scratching himself, "Ohhh, these robes are itchy when you're not wearing anything underneath."
"Shut-up... SHUT-up... SHUT-UP!!!" Cried Ron Slamming his hands against his head.
Hermione began to giggle. Harry glanced sideways at her, "It's not funny, 'Mione I'm gonna catch a rash!"
"I'm surprised you haven't caught a lot worse!" She scolded. "But it's not that."
"Then what?" He asked.
"It's just..." She laughed, "Gee Harry... 'Gee Malfoy... Can I touch your wand?' ... Corny Harry Really corny, I'd think with all the experience you've had getting everyone into your bed you could have come up with a better line then that. I mean that has to be the lamest..."
"It worked didn't it?" mumbled Harry. "Or would have if you two didn't have the worst timing in the world. But that's beside the point, I didn't mean it that way, we were working on our charms project and Malfoy said his wand wasn't working. I just wanted to see it and Draco though... Well you saw what he thought! Hermione I may have a dirty mind but Malfoy's is down right perverted!"
"Mmmm Hmmm," Nodded Hermione Sarcastically, "but you certainly weren't too fast to correct him now were you?"
" 'Mione, You saw the size of that Slytherin's Snake!" Quipped Harry.
"AHHH!!! Information Overload!!!" Screamed Ron and passed out.
"... Just like his houses namesake," Smiled Harry.
"Well that certainly wasn't in Hogwarts: A History!" Laughed Hermione.
Several days later found Harry Potter still aching to lay his hands on one Draco Malfoy. When just the opportunity presented itself. Draco was walking down the hallway towards him and as he passed Harry reached out and cupped Draco in his most intimate of areas. "Potter!" He gasped.
"Seekers instincts, Draco," grinned Harry.
Just as Lucius Malfoy rounded the corner Draco slapped Harry's hand away and growled, "That is most defiantly NOT the Snitch!"
"What are your intentions towards my son?" bellowed the older Malfoy.
"Oh... Just to shag him senseless, sir."
+++
Blasting the door open Professor McGonagall ran into the other teachers room, Severus, wake up!" she cried, "Potter... Lucius Malfoy... Chasing... Potter... Around the school!"
She stopped and looked at the other teacher who stood there wearing nothing but his greasy hair and a look of shock, "Just let me get some clothes on Minerva for Godsake!" he said grabbing for the nearest set of robes.
Moments later a fully clothed Severus Snape and a slightly flustered Minerva McGonagall were able to pry the elder Malfoy of Harry.
"Accio a Weasley, any Weasley!" Commanded Lucius, "If I can't kill a Potter I'm Gonna kill me a Weasley!"
Moments later Fred or George Weasley came zooming out of the castle. "Nooo!!!" cried McGonagall and threw herself in front of the poor redhead.
By this time most of the school had gathered to investigate the goings on of that afternoon. Lucius had once again turned his sights on poor Harry. Who intern grabbed the closest person to him and held him in front like a shield. "Hold me, Goyle!" He cried. After a moment his demeanor changed as he felt the strong arms of Gregory Goyle embrace him, "Mmmm Goyle Nice arms," he observed.
Harry looked over at Mr. Malfoy, "I've changed my mind sir, Draco is safe I'll take Gregory here for my shag fest."
"Then I'm done here," spat Lucius and turned to leave.
When he was out of earshot Harry added, "he's safe for now..." and looked at Draco in turn winked back. Then Harry led Goyle away to his special room.