Author's note:
This chapter is quite small...and well...just read it...please...
Don't bite my head off, been really busy with summer school, exams, job, and actually trying to enjoy my summer before University starts, but, I promise, Chapter 13 and on will be longer.
Thank you to all who wrote in to me: a lot of new readers, and old readers who finally decided to write in, along with my ol' faithfuls. Really love hearing from you all. You don't know how much I appreciate it.
Write to me: wereallmadhere@hotmail.com
Of course, a very special thanks to Jay Alexander, always there, trying your damndest to get the stuff out to me, even when you're in a stint, aka, lack of computer. Also, for the edits and encouragement, and the laughs, and the patient ears listening to my rants and raves, and... on and on ... Thanks ever so much.
If you are under age or it is illegal for you to be reading such "filth", please leave. This material contains crude language (gosh!), and homosexuality (oh my!), so if you are offended, then, yes....goodbye!
This story is purely fictional. So, any similarity to anyone or anything is purely coincidental. If you want to put this story somewhere else, distribute it, whatever, please ask me first. Thanks!
Well then, boys and girls...
CHAPTER 12
Our contempt for her was quite obvious. And she (it?) was going to be a part of our family. They were engaged. I shuddered. As if my family wasn't fucked enough! This put the Adams Family to shame. Owen seemed happy as ever. He was the pimp and she was his whore. I couldn't believe my parents couldn't see through her. I mean, come on, she was a BIMBO! I was still suspicious. Why would Owen settle down at such a young age? He wasn't that type and I don't believe for a moment that he was 'in love'. He couldn't love anyone. He was up to something.
I soon found out. Cat took Fiona and me into her room, her anger and frustration clearly evident. I rubbed her arm, trying to calm her down and spoke, "I know. I know."
"No, you don't! Do you know what they're up to? Those filthy animals?"
"Woah! Ok, calm down. I know they're disgusting, but such vehemence, where from?"
"You do know why Owen is doing this, right?"
I shook my head. I had no clue.
"What are you like going on about, Cat?" Fiona asked. She was just as confused as I was.
"Well... where do I begin?" Cat let out a breath and continued. "Did you know that Mom and Dad have a lot of money saved for each of us once we get married...to the "right" partner of course. Actually, it's not their money - it was in Grandma's will. She left each of us money. Major money. Mom and Dad can't touch it. BUT, what they do have in their authority is to finalize if they approve of the match and IF and ONLY IF they do, the kid, us, gets the money and a house paid for anywhere we want to start our own family."
"WHAT THE FUCK?? How come I don't know and you do?" I was outraged.
"Well, when people "think" that you are crazy, they tend to let loose their mouths, thinking that you can't possibly understand." Cat smiled a wry smile. I know how much pain was behind that smile. She continued. "After Aidan left, Mom and Dad discussed the will a lot, and what a shame it was that Aidan lost out, but that money would go towards the rest of us then. I know, just like me, Owen heard as well."
"Did Aidan know?" I asked. Fiona just sat there, too stunned to say anything. I knew the feeling. I felt as if blinders were just taken off my eyes. Just when I thought my family couldn't harbour any more secrets, lies, and craziness, I'm hit with more. God!
Cat shook her head. Then, with conviction she continued. "Even if he did, it wouldn't have changed his actions. I know Aide. He's not like that...but Owen... Fuck. I can't believe we're related."
"Wow." Fiona finally spoke. "Like wow."
I put up my hand to silence her. "So wait, what you are saying is that Owen is doing this to get his hands on his money... and little Miss Candie there is his con PARTNER?"
"I wouldn't put it past Owen. I bet he just did this cuz he knew pretty soon he would have to answer to Mom and Dad about when exactly he was planning on going to college with all his "saved" money. Now, he has a perfect excuse. He gets married. Gets the money. Prolly will get a house out of town. Do his shit without the `rents nagging him and if they ask about college, he could just say that since now that he is married, he has to take care of a family and college wouldn't fit in. You know Mom and Dad would buy that." Cat explained.
"It would be perfect for him. A place all on his own to do his business from. But, he'll run out of the money soon enough, Cat." I explained.
"Well, I never said Owen was the one with the brains in our family, did I? He prolly didn't see the long-term effects. He was too blinded by the green reflecting off the money." Cat remarked.
"Fucking let him fall. I am totally like ready to see him self-destruct." Fiona said.
"Elfi! He's still our brother! Shut up." That was me.
Surprised?
Yes, yes. Owen has done nothing but make my life hell. He deserves it, I know. But, that's the problem with family, as much as you hate them, there's still a part of you that will feel responsible for them. Something to do with the blood running through each of your bodies. There's a connection there. It's hard to let go. Can't live with em, can't live without em.
I guess that's why it is so hard for me to come out to my family. Even though I had a rough childhood and my family was not the most loving, I still felt I belonged. Otherwise, who the hell would I be? Galen. Galen who? I am Galen Walsh. That is the complete me. I can't get away from it. Trust me, I've tried. It is this fear of being alone, without any identity, any family, any home, that keeps me from telling my family about my sexuality. As much as I would like to throw them the `who the fuck cares what all you ignorant pricks think of me' attitude, I DO care. I am afraid. Shit...
I also felt sorry for my parents. They have been so blind that they never understood or recognized their mistakes. They already lost one son and they will lose Owen too, and I know when my turn comes, they will CHOOSE to lose me. One day, my parents might just learn their lesson, but I still felt bad. It might be too late by then.
I'm a pushover, eh?
Cat's squeeze on my arm brought me out of my thought. "Galen, you have a good heart. So willing to forgive. That's what I love about you, babe. You see the good in people. You always give people faith."
Ya right, Cat! If only you knew.
She saw the skepticism in my eyes, "No...no...really, believe that, babe. You have your guard up with people. You don't let them in easily. But once they get close to you, you give them everything you have, all your trust, your love, everything. No holds barred. Most people can't do that. That's why you get hurt so easily. You think too much with your emotions. You give people too much faith and too much of your heart, of you. You allow them a chance to hurt you. You force them to define your happiness."
I looked at Fiona. "Elfi?" I needed confirmation. Was I like that? I didn't let Thane into my life. I've kept shit from Kenny, um, like my SEXUALITY! What the hell? What was she talking about? I didn't trust anyone! But, did I really depend on others that much for my own happiness? Was I that irrational?
"We..ll...but, like, it's a good thing. Those people close to you should like feel totally lucky. But, like, the problem then becomes is like, they could totally use you and you would like let them."
"What?!" Everyone knew this and I didn't?
Cat interjected, "Well...ok, look at Kenny. He has no "real" friends. Everyone knows he's Mr. Hot-Shot Prick. But, you gave him a chance. Hell, you are his best friend. Every time he did something wrong, you always took the rap for him. Always."
"No. But, that's what friends do. Besides, he's done shit for me too."
"No doubt, but you never believed what others around you said about him. You didn't allow that to sway your judgement. That's what I'm saying. I dunno. I actually don't know what I'm saying. How did talking about Owen and the will get to you?"
Fiona laughed, "Attention deprived Galen, needs to always be in the spotlight."
"Fuck you!" I attacked her and she couldn't escape my inevitable noogie. Pretty soon, we were all laughing and just enjoying each others' company. Sometimes, I thanked my parents for giving me my siblings, yes, even Owen.
When we were really young, Aidan, being the HEAD HONCH, would always set up shit and involved us all. We would put on plays and Kenny would be in them too. Aidan would play the protagonist and Owen would somehow always end up being the villain. Every time. They always had the rivalry. We would perform for our parents and Kenny's parents. It was so much fun. Liam was too young, but the rest of us remembered. I miss those days. We were a family then.
Ok, so there were some revelations about myself that I really needed to consider. I have never looked at myself in the light in which my sisters saw me. But, they couldn't be wrong.
Right?
I mean, they knew me my whole life. I was still unsure if the traits that I seemed to possess were a good thing or a bad thing. And Kenny taking advantage of me?
Ok...I'll admit to that. But, I take advantage of him too. I was semi-popular back in High School cuz I hung out with him. Otherwise, I would have been more of a social retard that I already was. You know the type, the loser who spent all his lunch hours alone, in the Art room? Ya, dat be me. Through him, I think I led a pretty interesting life. Who else would have taught me the ways of weed, E, drinking, lust over another boy? Kenny. Only Kenny had had those honours. Whether he knew it or not. Yup, this was a definite symbiotic relationship. I was ok with it though....right?
Damn! Too many fucking insecurities. Too many fucking questions. I definitely needed to sort myself out. And fast.