Author's Note:
I'm back. Am I kinda late??? NAH!!!
Ok, Ok...I went on vacation, and then, school started, had to move in, get Internet connection at my new crib, and we just finished Frosh week, blah, blah...so been really, really busy...or maybe I was just being a lazy bastard...and the above were all excuses...believe what u want. LOL.
;o)
Comments, criticisms, all welcome: wereallmadhere@hotmail.com. I really do love hearing from you all. I'm not lying, really.
But, please, no viruses...unless you know FOR SURE that I'll be sitting at YOUR computer when I open the email.
Well, Jay Alexander - THANK YOU once again, for editing this in the midst of getting ready for your vacation. Glad you had an amazing time. You deserved it. Thanks for the understanding and sympathy thru all my recent probs.
If you are under age or it is illegal for you to be reading such "filth", please leave. This material contains crude language (gosh!), and homosexuality (oh my!), so if you are offended, then, yes....goodbye!
This story is purely fictional. So, any similarity to anyone or anything is purely coincidental. If you want to put this story somewhere else, distribute it, whatever, please ask me first. Thanks!
And the saga contiues...
CHAPTER 15
I had to do one last thing. I took the picture of Kenny and me out of the frame, tore it up and placed it on top of the note. I suddenly felt overwhelmed by indescribable hurt and anger. I took the photo frame and threw it against the wall on Kenny's side. The glass crashed to the floor. Thane jumped back, clearly scared of my lack of sanity. I laughed. "Now, I'm done. Let's go."
Melodramatic? Maybe...but, he chose to hate me because I am gay. I'm not going to run back to him after that. I do have SOME pride left.
I moved in with Thane. Just to keep up appearances, we moved my stuff into his guestroom - in case someone decided to visit us. I knew we didn't have to worry about my parents. They would never come to visit me at University. They didn't even come when I moved into the dorm. Kenny's parents brought us.
Thane and I had been living together for a couple of weeks now. Life was good. But, every time I went to University, I had a fear that I would run into Kenny or Paul or one of Kenny's Engineering or Basketball buddies. But, since the Arts Building was on the other side of the campus compared to the Engineering Building and the Sports Stadium and gym, I didn't see any of them at all. Which was fine by me, really, it was. I wouldn't know how to react.
I kept myself pretty busy with school and Thane. I didn't have much of a social life outside that. Well, it's not any different from before I guess, but at least then I had Kenny. Now, it was school and boyfriend. I wasn't complaining. Thane was very attentive, never let me feel like I was imposing or that I was cramping his style. It seemed as if I molded naturally into his life. We saw each other so much that I thought he would get sick of me very soon. On the contrary, we seemed to revel in seeing each other so much, in just passing each other to, say, go to the bathroom, and just taking each other in our arms and kissing with abandon, without a second thought, without any repercussions. We were living in our own world and we wouldn't let anyone into it. No one else would understand.
Hannah called me a couple of times to go chill with her. I didn't want to. It was so far away, the University, and I couldn't ask Thane for a ride. The bus took too long. But, one day she called, and I couldn't refuse. I told Thane, he wanted to come along too. We all chilled together, caught a movie and went to a cafe. Hannah wasn't her usual self. She was distant towards me.
I know it was my fault too, but I just never got around to calling her back. She called me a month later, asking to hook up again. She really was a good friend of mine. Really close. I knew she was making an effort for the sake of our friendship. I didn't want to lose that either. I valued it, really, I did. But, she wanted it to be just us. She didn't want Thane there like last time. She said she missed "us". I told her I would let her know, but again, life caught up with me, and I just never got around to catching up with her. Plus, I knew that Thane would want to come along with me if I went out, and I couldn't just say "no" to him after all his kindness and hospitality.
We, Hannah and I, would see each other in our classes but she would just say "Hi". I guess she wanted to avoid me after I forgot to call her back about hooking up. That's her problem. Thane was a part of my life. A very big part. He was the reason I survived coming out to my sister, to Hannah, and finally, to Kenny. He was always there when I needed him. If someone couldn't accept that, then I couldn't accept him or her either. Thane was all I lived and breathed. And I was happy with that.
Well, happiness never lasts forever, right?
I still had not run into Kenny, but I did see Paul one day at the local Mickey D's. He looked my way but I pretended not to see him. I saw him approaching me, calling out, "Walsh, wait up, man!", just as I was handed my food, and I practically ran out. I hated it. I did nothing wrong. Kenny hit me; yet, I was the one hiding, having to avoid people.
It was Kenny's birthday today and my hand itched to pick up the phone and just wish him 'Happy brithday'. He was turning 20. No longer a teenager. It was a milestone that should be shared with a best friend, but I couldn't call him. I didn't call him. Thane saw that I became more and more morose that day. I felt very alone. Hannah barely said "hi" and I still couldn't get over Kenny. It's hard, trust me, fourteen years is a lifetime to me. I was moping around the apartment when Thane came up to me with a grin on his face.
"I got a surprise for you today."
"What?" I asked suspiciously.
I hoped he didn't have a romantic date set where we would inevitably be in bed and then the pressure to have anal sex with him would begin. Up until now I was able to hold him off, but I was losing excuses. I can't explain why I didn't want to have sex with Thane. I just didn't feel like it. He was a little, I guess, pushy. He treated me sometimes like he was patiently talking to a little kid, humoring my naivete. I didn't like that one bit. I was not a puppy who would do as his master ordered. So, I was a bit naive when it came down to it, but that doesn't mean he takes on the role of my goddamned father. Period. Fuck.
"Want to go to a gay club tonight?"
My eyes almost popped out of my head. Be exposed to more people like me? I know you all are snickering right now, but seriously, I did feel like a pod person, finding a rare kin, Thane. Logically, I knew there were others, but other than Thane and Gina, I knew of none. "Umm...what is it like?"
"A regular club...but here guys come and dance with guys." He laughed.
Ok so I have asked him many a stupid and redundant question when it came to the "gay lifestyle". He took it all in stride. I decided to let my inhibitions go, too. "Sure, why not."
We were cruising down to a local gay club. Let me tell you, I was already feeling trepidation. Thane looked FUCKING hot. I didn't want to be ol' school and get upset if guys came on to him, and I KNEW that plenty would, but that didn't mean I had to like the idea. We had never talked about monogamy. It was assumed, but from what I've heard about the gay scene, it is a rarity. Pity.
I was shitting in my pants because I was underage. Usually, at bars and other clubs that I go to, they're pretty low-key, and mostly student hangouts, so it's not that strict. Plus, I was one year away from being legal, so they let it slide since I was a regular. But, here, I didn't know what rules they played by.
Thane looked calm and confident. He wrapped $20.00 around my ID and told me to give it to the bouncer. The bouncer looked like THE HULK. He looked me up and down and started grinning. I felt like a succulent deer caught in a lion's den. I shuddered and handed him the ID. He smirked and let me in, taking the money, quite slyly, a skill he must have honed for years. I had to squeeze through and in the process, it was hard for me to not press my body into that of the bouncer. I felt a hand on my groin and looked up at him. He winked. I practically ran to Thane and was stuck like glue to his side from then on. Can you say naive? I know. As I look back now, I get a good laugh out of my old self.
"What's wrong?" Thane asked after getting us drinks.
"The fucking bouncer touched my dick."
"Damn!"
"I know!" At least he agreed. It wasn't just me being too uptight.
"We could have gotten you in without the $20.00. If you only flirted back." He took a sip from his drink and started checking out the scene.
I stood there agape, appalled at Thane's comment. I wasn't a fucking whore. Again, I know, I know, I need to get the rod out of my ass, but hey, this was my first time. I can't just accept it all in the bat of an eye.
The music was pumping and we had to go out to the dance floor. Actually, Thane kind of dragged me. I didn't really like this music. I was into rock and hip-hop. This was some techno shit. Thane knew what the hell he was doing. Pretty soon, he had a crowd around him, cheering him on. I was so embarrassed. I don't like to attract attention. Good or bad.
I felt someone grab me by the waist and start to grind himself into my ass. And he was HARD!
HELL NO! NO! NO! HELL NO!
When I go to a club, I always go up to the chick. I'm the initiator. Who the hell is this guy, thinking he could just do as he pleases with me? I ain't no fucking submissive little twink. HELL NO!
I tried to move away and he pulled me into him again and bit my ear. What the fuck?
I turned around, hoping to box him in the face, and came face to face with this guy in tight leather pants and a leather vest. He even had on a leather cowboy hat. His teeth and eyes glowed under the black light. I think he was a lost member of the Village People.
HELL NO!
I tried to push myself off, but another guy came up behind me, sandwiching me. I looked around for Thane. I spotted him a little further away. He was standing really close to this guy, and the guy was caressing Thane's ass, as Thane danced along with him, grinding himself into the guy. Suddenly, the guy opened his mouth and his tongue came out, a small white pill at the tip. Thane's tongue ventured out and touched his tongue, taking the gift offered to him. Then, he took a gulp from his cooler and laughed along with that guy. He was dropping E. Fuck this!
"FUCK YOU BOTH!" I screamed and pushed myself away.
"Loosen up, tightass." They both laughed and then started to grind into each other, as I walked away.
I looked around. It was kind of like a whorehouse. Let me tell you, this was completely different than a straight club. People were making out, and I mean, HEAVILY, right here, in public.
Hands were going down every which pants. Some guys were dancing on the cubes, barely dressed, and I stress the word, "barely". This was not my scene. I might be gay, but I preferred straight clubs more, with better music, and much more tact. Yeah, call me "sheltered" but I can't help it.
I went over to Thane. He pushed Mr. E dealer aside as the guy checked me out, wet his lips, whispered something into Thane's ear, which got them both laughing, and then he moved away.
Thane pulled me to him. His eyes couldn't even focus on me. He kissed me, hard. I felt him run his tongue over the bump from the stitches on my lip that I needed after my fight with Kenny. Then, I felt him bite the bump. I was bleeding.
"Fuck Thane. I'm not into kinky shit, yo!" I screamed.
"I love that scar, you know?" He whispered into my ear.
I looked at him. I was willing to let the comment go. He knew what the scar stood for and how much I was pained every time I looked at it. So, I let the comment slide. Thane was high, I reasoned.
"Thane, you ok?" I asked. I was concerned for him.
He took me by the waist and just started grinding into me. He couldn't even keep up with the rhythm of the music. His hands slipped into my pants, caressing my ass, and his fingers found my hole. I tried to move away. We were in fucking public! His finger shot it.
"Ow!" My asshole burned.
"Dang, you are so fucking tight."
"Thane, fuck, what's with you?"
"We're floating. Stop being such a pussy all the time, Galen, let it go. Just let it all go. You can be a fucking tightass sometimes, you know? Stop the innocent act. It gets old."
"Thane, you're high. I think we should go home."
He trailed his tongue along my earlobe and started sucking on it gently, while purring, "Home...to bed..." His finger found my hole and penetrated it again. I knew what he wanted. Shit.
I shoved myself away from him. I saw him scrunch up his face in frustration, then his eyes widened as he looked over my shoulder. I turned to follow his gaze.
"Thane, baby. I see you're trying your hand at the twinks now. Cute. But, isn't he kinda jailbait? Following my footsteps, are you?" He laughed. This guy looked to be in his late twenties, well built, with dark hair and eyes. He gave me the once-over as he spoke. He was good-looking but in an intimidating sort of way.
Who the hell is he calling a twink? I know it's not me. It better not be me.
The guy ran his hands along my face. Fuck, do I motherfucking have a sign on my head that says, "Free for All"?
I shoved him in the chest, making him topple backward. "Get your fucking hands off of me, before I box that smirk off your face." I was mad, I had had enough.
"Feisty. I like that. Don't I, Thane?" He finally looked over at Thane.
Thane just stood still, eyes drawn together in hatred and anger. Okkkkkkk, they had a past.
"Aren't you going to introduce us? How rude? Reuben here. Nice to meet you...?" The guy turned to me.
Thane finally spoke up, "Fuck off, Reuben." He lost that high pretty fast.
"That's not a nice way to treat your friend." He pouted. Then without warning, he shot his hand out, grabbed Thane by the back of his neck and violently mashed Thane's lips to his. It was not a kiss; it was more like he wanted to hurt Thane.
Thane shoved himself back and spit while scraping his mouth with the back of his hand. He had venom in his eyes. He didn't even know I was there. He was so angry. I was so fucking afraid. Before I could even think about the whole situation, Thane jumped the guy. He landed a good punch. Ouch!
A fight broke out. I got a couple of punches in there somewhere, and got punched too. We were kicked out of the club. Thane didn't say a word. He kept breathing heavily and his nostrils were flared and his eyes were ablaze. I was afraid to speak, but I meekly asked if I could drive us home. He didn't look fit enough. I was sober.
One look from him told me not to push it. He needed time to cool off. He drove us home. Let me tell you, I was shitting in my pants. We were going 190 klicks on the muthafucking highway. I pleaded with Thane to slow down. He wouldn't. A couple of times, I felt the tires slide under me. Did I mention how much I was shitting in my pants?!
"Thane, fucking stop. You'll kill us. Pleasee..."
Thane just kept his eyes fixed on the road, never bothering to look at me, never even bothering to slow down. I prayed like I've never prayed before. Thank God, we reached home safely. But, I was mad.
I was so fucking mad!
I was mad at the callous way Thane acted at the club, and how he risked our lives. It was like he was a stranger. Can you say Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? He wasn't the calm, cool, responsible, caring guy who was my boyfriend. He was like Kenny. No, that's offending Kenny. Actually worse. Kenny never pushed me into anything. But, today, Thane pushing his finger in my asshole, in public, I was so fucking mad. All I saw was red. I wanted to fucking erupt. I was not his personal fucking whore. It made me doubt if Thane actually respected me or thought me to be...what Reuben had said...a twink. I was so hurt and confused and most of all, MAD.
Thane was sitting down on the sofa, chewing gum and gulping down water. Serves him right for dropping E. I did it once or twice, but, I was never like this. I knew my limits when it came to shit like E.
I went into the bathroom, cleaned myself up, and saw that I was going to have a black eye in the morning. Great, just great. My first time at a gay club, and I'm kicked out, AND I payed $20.00 extra just to end up with a black eye! FUCK!! I went into the guestroom to sleep. I locked the door for good measure. My last thought before closing my eyes, "Happy Birthday, Kenny."
*** Author's endnote:
And, I STILL have more to rant on about...
Actually, this is an apology to all those out there who I was kinda harsh on. We were all upset with the virus incidence. Especially me.
I am glad that you all have such a keen interest in the story, and I DO love hearing from you all.
But, as a teenager, my summer months are quite, QUITE precious..and too few...with summer school and job...and to think that I would have to waste it rewriting the story which I wrote way back when...well...let's just say, I wasn't embracing the idea with open arms.
No hard feelings, I hope.
Do write to me...I'm not a bastard on purpose, I swear: wereallmadhere@hotmail.com