Author's Note:
To my regulars, once again, thanks for your continuing support. To all others who keep on reading, silently - hope you like it.
Drop me a line or two: wereallmadhere@hotmail.com
Jay Alexander - Thanks once again. Otherwise, I would go insane keeping track of singular vs. plural, couple vs. bunch, stupid-ass dashes - just pretty much all my idiosyncrasies.
If you are under age or it is illegal for you to be reading such "filth", please leave. This material contains crude language (gosh!), and homosexuality (oh my!), so if you are offended, then, yes....goodbye!
This story is purely fictional. So, any similarity to anyone or anything is purely coincidental. If you want to put this story somewhere else, distribute it, whatever, please ask me first. Thanks!
I used a song in this part, and I will in later chapters as well. Using the song does not in any way suggest that I asked permission or that the band may or may not support the views of my story. Since I am not getting any financial benefit or otherwise from using the song, I hope that it is ok.
CHAPTER 17
As I lay in the afterglow of our lovemaking, I looked over at Thane, who was sleeping peacefully. There was no denying it; I was definitely bonded to Thane. He was my first in so many ways. As much as I didn't like to think about the future, I knew that whatever happened, I would always remember Thane. I don't know if I could see us yet sitting on rocking chairs when we're 80, but I did see long-term with him. Yes, even with his faults. I wasn't perfectly happy with Thane. But, I've matured enough to realize that perfection was very overrated and it was naive of me, being a first timer at this, to think that I would get Paradise. It didn't exist. I wasn't searching for it anymore.
The day I left for my hometown, I left a very angry and sad Thane. He accused me of trying to push him away, of hindering our relationship. I didn't want to fight so I decided to stay quiet. He took my silence as my admission to his accusations.
"Why do I feel like I'm competing with Kenny? Even when you are not even friends anymore?"
Dammmit! Not again.
I didn't know the words to make Thane feel more secure about us. I had valid reasons for not taking Thane to the wedding.It was not because I was ashamed of being with him in front of Kenny. But, really, I feared for his safety. I know for a fact that if Kenny and Thane came face to face, Kenny would initiate a fight...and well...Kenny was bigger...and I kinda liked Thane's face the way it was.
Besides, my family was too fucked-up. I was ashamed of Thane seeing me in that environment, especially my father's loathing towards me.
"Thane, can we please depart on a happy note? Please? Last night...let's remember that."
I took his lower lip between my teeth and nibbled it. A groan escaped from him. I opened my mouth while my hand found its way to his crotch, squeezing his hard-on through his khakis.
We couldn't start this. We were in the underground parking lot of his complex, getting ready to go to the train station.
I stopped and pulled away, "Baby, I'll miss you when I'm gone. I hope you know that Thane."
He started the car and sighed, "I really wish that I believed that...but, I don't."
I raked my hair with my hands. This was getting impossible. What was he so unsure of? "Thane, if it makes you feel any better, you share my bed. YOU are beside me when I fall asleep every night. Not Kenny."
He smiled, "I know...but who do you see in your dreams when you finally fall asleep every night?"
I opened my mouth to answer but Thane silenced me with a kiss.
He dropped me off at the train station but didn't go in.
I know I did the right thing. I wasn't ready to face my family with Thane. Not Cat. She would know. And not Kenny. It was one thing for him to know that I was dating Thane, and another for him to see it. I knew it would not go over well. I could bet my life that Kenny blamed Thane for turning me "gay". Been there, done that. I could care less about what Kenny thought. I didn't give a fuck. I just wished I could keep my composure when I saw him. Trust me, the feeling to reciprocate his punch was quite immense.
I thought about the wedding. I still felt uneasy with the whole thing. I hated Candie; there was no doubt about that. But, I wanted to somehow talk to Owen and make him realize how big of a mistake he would be making, how much hurt he would cause our parents, especially since they had so much faith in him. I knew Owen would either punch me out or tell me to shut my fucking trap. That would be the end of that. I shuddered thinking that people like that had the power to procreate.
I had thought about a present for the "lovely" couple, and I decided to paint them a picture. Not that they would appreciate it or care. It was a painting of two lovers holding each other: they were clowns with paint covering their faces, looking forlornly at each other. The backdrop for the painting was a cathedral, Gothic style, and it was on fire. I don't think Owen had the brain capacity to figure out the innuendoes. I'm not even going to comment on Candie.
When I got to my house, it was in a hustle-bustle. The wedding was a week away and there were so many of my relatives all sardined into the house. Trust me, we Irish are all about family. A little too much sometimes. I laughed at the thought.
So much for family. Aidan wasn't even invited to the wedding. He was the first to get married, but no one knew or cared. Everyone in the family was making a big deal out of Owen's wedding, because it's the 'first' in our family...not really, but they convinced themselves of that. Hypocrites, self-righteous hypocrites. I wondered how I would survive.
My aunt came up to me while I was sitting in the living room, taking in the circus going on before me, and she did the typical "ruffling the hair" that she did ever since I was four. "Baby, you haven't changed a bit. Thank your stars you don't age."
Right, Aunt Sarah, as an eighteen year old man, I'll TRY to take it as a compliment. Too bad you didn't get the same gift as me, you nasty old haggard bitch. I just smiled and left trying to figure out where I would be able to cram my bony ass.
My mother had the perfect solution. "Stay at Kenny's."
OH MY FUCKING LORD! SHE GOSTA BE KIDDING ME!
"No."
"What do you mean "no"? We have no space here. Grandad and Nana are coming tomorrow. They need Owen's room. He's staying over at Kenny's and so is Liam and all your boy cousins. You, as his dear best friend, can do it too. Maria has graciously agreed. We don't want to be rude." She left.
I cursed Mama Brien for agreeing to do this. Seven boys, plus Kenny and I. What was she thinking?
I know what I was thinking: HELL NO!
But for my mother, obviously, that was the end of that discussion. Someone fucking shoot me right here, right now, cuz there is no way in fucking hell, heaven OR earth that I would be staying there. No way. Uh uh!
I tried desperately to think of where I could plant my ass. Can you say unloved? Even at 18, my opinions and feelings were not of concern to anyone.
I was outside, doing some stupid-ass shit with the flowerbeds that my mother demanded be done before her parents came since her mother, my Nana, was quite picky with her about how she handled her household. No wonder my mother got the way she is. It's all passed down from generation to generation, like a vile genetic disorder.
I looked over at Kenny's house. I could see his backyard and the tree-house. That's it! I was fucking going to sleep at nights in the tree-house. There were so many fucking people that no one would notice if everyone was sleeping ok or not. Especially not about me. I am a genius, if I do say so myself.
I looked for moments when no one was paying attention, sneaked out a broom and some cleaning shit and went up to the tree-house.
I swear I choked back a sob. Memories rushed towards me with vengeance, forcing me to remember. The tree-house had never looked so small to me. It could barely accommodate my 5'7 and-a-half frame. My head hit the ceiling. I remember how happy we were when the tree-house was finally completed. Kenny's dad made it for us. It had looked so huge to us. We were in awe back then.
When did it stop looking so magnificent and big?
I guess when our backs were turned all these years.
I felt like I was meeting an old friend again. I caressed the wood of the tree-house like I was touching a new-born baby. Dust came off on my hands. It looked so plain now. The tree-house remained untouched by time, captured in a moment of childhood, of our childhood, left the exact same way we left it on the day we decided we were too old for such childhood sentimentalities. It cried out to me, accusing me of leaving it, telling me that it waited for us for so many years, but one day realized that it was forgotten along with the quiet memories of us, Kenny and I.
There were cut-outs of girls from Playboys that we had been given by my brother, Aidan. We thought we were the coolest when we got those pictures. Kenny used to charge the neighbourhood boys a quarter to come up and look at the pics. We would split the profits.
He would even convince the girls to climb the ladder up to our tree-house, but only in the summer when they wore dresses or skirts, while he stood at the bottom, 'guarding their safety', in case they fell, mind you. I would stand at the top, resenting those girls because they could make Kenny's eyes light up, and make him smile. Now that I remember...it's funny, but, Kenny never asked me if I would like to stand at the bottom with him. I wonder why?
This went on, until one day, Mama Brien caught onto his scheme and grounded him and told on me to my Mom. I was grounded as well. For a whole month. Mama Brien came up with the ingenious idea of us having to go to each girl personally, and apologize to them. I apologized for both me AND Kenny.
Kenny, always the schemer.
There were pictures of Superman, Spiderman and other assortment comic book heroes that I had drawn. There were pictures of our dream cars. And of course, at one corner, there was the walkie-talkie. Kenny's. I don't know where mine disappeared to. We would communicate to each other through them. Planning out our night activities to sneak out of the house.
Cobwebs clung to the wood, and the smell of staleness hung in the air. I heard echoes of our voices long ago, making up stories of places far away and adventures waiting around the corner. Kenny and I. We were two very typical boys. Stumbling through life. Actually, I stumbled, he moved with grace. I was the ugly ducking, he was born already a swan. Ah well, as Kenny would say now whenever I was upset or angry, or dwelled on matters too long, "Bro, just move on. There's not much you can do. You get one chance so try for as little regret as possible. It's too short, you know, that's life."
I guess it is.
I brought up my sleeping bag and some extra blankets. Fuck my relatives if they were short on some. Summer wasn't quite here yet, and at night with the open window of the tree-house, it would get cold.
We had a barbecue that night for the whole family and the O'Briens. Kenny was nowhere to be seen. I wasn't looking for him though. Well, not really...
Mama Brien, I swear that woman could read me like a book, came up to me, "He's not here. Said he had to do something. I don't know what's with him. He comes home, leaves, comes home again - drunk. I tried to talk to him. He just snaps at me. He's changed, Galen. Something happened between you two? I figure he's trying to avoid you just as much as you are trying to avoid him."
I smiled a weak smile. "How are you, Mama Brien?"
"Good...good. You look well." She changed the subject back, "This is the longest fight you two have been in. I don't like to butt in, but you know where I am if you ever want to talk. This seems serious. Not over baseball or hockey cards. Something much more, huh? What is it?"
I simply shrugged. I wanted to tell her everything, right there and then, but I couldn't. DAMMIT!
"Baby, I'm also worried about Kenny. I know that son of mine is as stubborn as a mule, but I also know his weak spot."
I looked at her.
She smiled and stroked my cheek, "You." Then she was gone.
I didn't want to think about that statement. Made my chest ache.
The sudden mention of Kenny made me realize that not only had Owen not badgered me since I got here, but no one has mentioned anything about me being gay, nor had anyone acted any differently towards me. I guess the bastard did keep his mouth shut. Probably to save his own ass from shame for being best friends with a fag.
I refused to believe that my coming out to him had driven him to alcoholism. That was too melodramatic. But, then again, he always did have a problem with excessive drinking and when he got to University, it was like Paradise for him. No one to watch over him like a hawk. He had gone crazy. It was me and my episode with Alcohol Poisoning that had kept him in check. Now that I wasn't around, there was no one to condemn his drinking. He didn't have to save face for anyone. I was worried about him for a second, but then I remembered all that he had done to me, and my concern quickly faded. Well, almost.
The first night up in the treehouse, I just sat there and thought. I had called Thane earlier and he was very short with me. I apologized but I guess he was getting sick of my apologies. I set my alarm on my watch so that I could wake up early and sneak back into my house and do chores. My mother would not badger me if I was up THAT early as long as I was doing chores. When it came to the matter of chores, her favourite saying was "Idle hands are the Devil's playground." You know it. Hmm...does she mean jacking off?
Weddings are so fucking hectic. I seriously don't know how people could put up with such bullshit just for the outcome of ONE day. ONE MOTHERFUCKING MEASLY DAY! I wanted to tell Owen to just elope. Obviously, he wouldn't. That would mean he won't get to be the center of attention. We can't have that, can we? Liam, who just turned 10, is more mature than Owen, who is now 22.
My mother gave me something to give to Mama Brien and I cursed everything under the sun because I had to set foot in that house. I hadn't seen Kenny yet, but I was bound to. Oh well, can't put off the inevitable, now is just as good a time as any.
I went into the house. They never lock their door during the day when someone is at home because we go back and forth so much, especially during this time for the wedding. Trust me, our town is pretty safe and quite small. One time, a guy tried to rob a convenience store and the cashier called his mom, not the police. I shit you not. That's how small our town is.
Mama Brien was helping out a lot, and so was Mr. O'Brien. Everyone was excited, not so much for Owen but just to have an excuse to be excited. A wedding was as good as any.
"Galen, my baby, come to see me, have you?" Mama Brien called from the stairs as I was making my way to the kitchen.
"Hi there. Ma told me to give this to you." When she came down the stairs, I practically shoved the package into her hands and was ready to run.
"Wait...wait...it's the decoration pattern for the cake. I needed to make some more corrections. Come, help me, you're an artist. Besides, I'll make you breakfast. Stay." She pleaded.
I could never refuse her. "Fine." I went into the kitchen to help her with breakfast. I knew where everything was.
"So, how is living with that new friend of yours, Thane?" She stressed the word "friend".
"Good...good...we get along."
"I called you there a couple of times. You should have returned my call, Galen." Her voice took on a stern tone. I didn't mind her speaking to me like this. She always told me what to do, like a mother. She was not out of place, but...
"You called?" I had never received calls from her, and there were no messages on the answering machine, or...from Thane?
"Yes, didn't your friend tell you? He picked up both times. He asked who I was and then said he would pass the messages on to you."
"Oh...right...um, ya...I'm sorry... school was hectic." I felt like a complete piece of shit. Mama Brien looked at me. She had a disapproving look on her face. She knew I was lying. She knew I never got those messages.
She bit her lip and turned to get juice from the fridge. She shrugged her shoulders, trying to act aloof, "Kenny ...um..." She cleared her throat, "...he...thought you might not have received the messages."
How nice of Kenny. How right of Kenny. Now, more than ever, I couldn't tell her that I didn't receive the messages. Not only will she think badly of Thane, but Kenny will be proven right. Hell no!
"No...no...I got them. Sorry, Mama Brien."
She bought it. "Honey, I know that when you move away, you think you have grown up. You are independent and that gives you some rights, but, don't become disrespectful. I didn't raise my boys to be like that. Don't ignore the ones that love you. After everything, they're the ones who you can count on. They'll always be there. I'll always be there."
I found trouble swallowing my orange juice. "I know." Even if I had not received her messages, I could have still called her, just to see how she was doing. Dammit. First Hannah, and now Mama Brien. With Mama Brien especially, there was no excuse. I was so ashamed.
"Kenny left again today. I don't think he even slept here. Did you? You left pretty early this morning. I swear, those cousins of yours. They've got the Irish blood running through them, all right. Tempers!"
I laughed. "But, I'm sure they didn't get a chance. One look from you."
She smirked, "You're right there. I've seen and raised enough boys to know how to handle ones like them. Hooligans. Bunch of hooligans. I swear, you, Aidan..." She stopped at the mention of his name.
I went over and kissed her forehead. "I miss him too."
It was so good being with Mama Brien. She asked me about my school. I told her about the projects. I made fun of Candie and Owen. She didn't reprimand me. I guess she felt the same way.
But, every time she brought up Kenny, I would freeze up. She let it go, for now.
Soon, Mr. O'Brien woke up and when he came into the kitchen, he smiled at his wife. His blue eyes, same as Kenny's, winked at me in a conspiratorial manner and he grabbed Mama Brien, spinning her around in his arms.
He started twirling her around the kitchen, while singing, completely off-key.
"The most beautiful sound I ever heard: Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria...All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word: Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria. Maria, I've just met a girl named Maria, ... and suddenly the name will never be the same to me. Maria! I've just kissed a girl named Maria..." At this point, he dipped her and kissed her with so much love that I physically felt it, "... And suddenly I've found how wonderful a sound can be...Maria, say it loud and there's music playing...Say it soft and it's almost like praying, ...Maria, I'll never stop saying: "Maria!""
This got Mama Brien squealing and giggling, while softly chiding him, "James...my omlet will burn!"
He kept on singing and dancing with her, "Let it!"
I just sat there and watched them. This was not unusual for Mr. O'Brien. He did it often, especially around us kids, mostly Kenny, cause Kenny complained incessently that he was getting embarrassed. But, me? Every time I watched them, I just got a lump in my throat.
I sighed.
Mr. O'Brien was the best father. He always had encouraging words to say for Kenny and me while we were growing up. He always told us he was proud of us, no matter what. I felt compelled to burst out that I was gay. I knew they would be nothing short of supportive.
I was home.
Looking at Mr. O'Brien and Mama Brien, I knew...I was finally home.