The Betrayed By DW Simon
Have you ever hidden? Buried yourself so deeply in work, or anything else that keeps you too busy to live. I did. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore. So I lied to myself and said I didn't need a life. But when you are not looking, the strangest things sneak up on you. Love found me when I never expected it.
I had lost the first and only love of my life three years before. He was telling me he wanted to be free. He found someone else and even though we had shared nine great years together, he needed to have the quickening of his blood that he felt with his new paramour. I remember looking at him, thinking that I had come out for him when I was eighteen. I had vaulted the hurdles at such a young age so I could be with him. Now he had a new eighteen-year-old lover. Two weeks after he left, his new lover ran them off the road and over a ravine. They both died. I had been grieving before, now I just locked it all away and poured myself into work. I avoided anything that could cause me any more pain.
But, it was not to be. Life demands that you live, whether you are ready or not. My brother, Richard, was getting married. She was a great girl and I was happy for him. They were both 28 and I am 30. We were to have dinner, my brother, his fiancee Alison, her maid of honor, and me, the best man. Only the maid of honor was no maid, but a man. His name was Ian and I was amazed at how handsome he was. His voice was soft but deep and had a great Scots brogue to it. During dinner, I found out he was from Edinburgh and had only come to America a few years ago. I found his voice or laugh, whether directed at me or not, would cause shivers to go up my spine. I was amazed at what I was feeling. I had not felt like this during the past three years. I was attracted and finding myself drawn to him.
My brother noticed of course. He always does. He told me that Alison had known Ian since he came to work for their company directly from Scotland. They became the best of friends right away. I was even more intrigued by him. Dinner ended on a happy note, my brother and his future bride were glowing with love. They left the two of us alone and went on their way. The wedding was going to be a great affair in two days time.
I spent the next few minutes talking with Ian as I settled the check. He was charming and had a great smile. His eyes were vivid blue and his hair was curly and shiny on his head. He kept it trimmed short to tame the curls. It was brown, like the deepest chocolate. His nose was straight and his chin strong. His lips were full and curved easily into a smile. When he did, twin dimples appeared on either side of his mouth. I was enchanted and I started to harden under the table, grateful that the cloth covered my reaction. That amazed me even more. I hadn't really felt aroused in the last three years.
We parted at the door to the restaurant and I walked to my car with a bounce to my step I hadn't felt in a long time. I couldn't wait for the wedding.
The next day, Ian called and asked what the plans for Richard's bachelor party were. I told him that he and I were going to go out to dinner with some friends and have a few drinks. I told Ian to come along. We weren't going to have a stag night. No hookers, no drugs, no fire trucks; just some good friends and dinner and drinks. Ian met us at the restaurant. Good god he was gorgeous. I am about six-four and Ian was just shy of my height. I liked looking into someone's eyes directly while talking to them. Richard was being sneaky and had us sitting together. We laughed and talked. I found out that he was twenty-seven and was now an American citizen. I then told him about my job (accountant, I know, blah), and about my first and only lover leaving me. I hadn't really talked about it before. I don't know if it was the three margaritas or just the excellent company, but I found myself telling Ian everything. He was both sympathetic and wistful at the same time.
By the time we were done with dinner, I had a raging hard-on. I wanted Ian so badly and he didn't give me any signals that he wasn't interested. As I again took care of the tab, I asked Ian if he would like to come home with me. I was being awfully forward, but I was drunk. Drunk from tequila and from his beauty. Ian got a real panicky look in his eyes and backed out, somewhat gracefully. I was confused. I thought things were going rather well. Richard had seen the whole thing and wrapped his arm over my shoulders. He told me to buck-up, after all, it had only been two encounters. I smiled at him and hugged him. I kissed his cheek and wished him well. I went home and my dreams were filled with a rich brogue and warm, strong hands skimming over my body.
Saturday was a glorious day, sunny and bright. At the wedding, Ian was resplendent in a tuxedo. He had been handsome before, now he was god-like. I didn't even hear the ceremony. I just stared at him. He looked at me and smiled when he caught my eye. I felt like I was falling. When the ceremony ended, I walked down the aisle by his side as my brother and sister-in-law preceded us. I liked that feeling of being at his side.
During the reception, I made my toast to the happy couple. I got a few laughs and applause. Ian joined me after and told me that it was a good speech and how grateful he was that maids of honor didn't have that duty. That made me laugh. His brogue wrapped around my heart and I leaned into him. Instinct guided me. I was reading the signals. He was attracted to me. I don't know why I let instinct take over. I have never lost control of my urges, but now he was in control. I leaned forward and brushed my lips lightly against his. It was warm and wonderful, for the split second we were touched. Then he jerked back from me.
Warmth had been flooded in me all day. But now I felt as if I had plunged head first into the coldest lake in January. How could I have been so wrong? I looked into his eyes. I had expected anger or scorn. That is what his physical reaction led me to think. But I saw fear and sorrow in his eyes. There was also a heavy dose of confusion. His expression intrigued me. I wanted to delve into it and find out why. But I also recognized the need to retreat. With a heavy heart I apologized and walked away. I found my brother, wished him well on his honeymoon, and went home.
I had taken off my jacket and undone my tie and the first few buttons on the tuxedo shirt. I slipped off my shoes and fixed myself a drink when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and was surprised to find Ian there. He looked confused and a little afraid. But he asked to come in.
"Andy, I must apologize to you."
"For what?"
"My reaction at the reception. It isn't you. Its me."
I was confused. I asked him to come in and I fixed him a drink. We sat on the couch quietly sipping our drinks. I sipped mine because I didn't want him to go. He seemed to sip his to gain courage. After a few silent minutes, I turned to him.
"Would you care to explain why it is you and not me with a problem?"
"It is a long and sad story, Andy."
I gestured with my hands, indicating the empty house. "I have plenty of time."
"There really is no easy way to tell you."
"The beginning usually works for the best."
"Aye." He swallowed hard then nodded. "I was raped."
Shock must have flooded into my face. He smiled a little, but there was no humor in it. I also felt a lump in my throat. How could anyone hurt this kind, gentle man?
"When I was 17, I was with a friend of mine. We experimented. We would lie on the bed and kiss and touch each other. Once I talked him into letting me love him with my mouth. This day we were pleasuring each other with our hands while kissing. My brother Angus and one of his friends Michael stormed in on us. My friend became embarrassed and left. I covered up with my sheet and asked them to leave. I thought no more about it.
"One night, a few months later, after I turned 18 that summer, I came home from hanging out with my mates. I was grabbed inside the door and dragged to my brother's room. He was bound and gagged on a chair facing his bed. His friend Michael was among the men who had grabbed me. There were four men together. They threw me on the bed and tied me down after stripping me. One of them got on top of me and was inside me. I felt myself ripped open. I knew I was bleeding.
"I had gotten home about 10, at 3 they finished with me. They untied me and all but Michael left. I curled into a ball. I was covered in their cum and my blood. I ached everywhere. I was just waiting until Michael left before I called the police. I knew I could make it long enough for the police to show up. But I was wrong.
"Michael untied Angus and dropped a bag of drugs into his lap and told him that his account had been paid in full. I knew then I wouldn't be calling the police. No matter how sharp the betrayal, how awful he was, Angus was still my brother. I couldn't do to him what he had done to me. I wanted vengeance. I wanted retribution. I wanted to die.
"Angus tried to help me after shooting up first of course. I turned away from him and crawled to the bath. I ran the water and tried to wash myself. I was dirty and bruised. But I was also thankfully numb. When I had washed as much as I could, I just knelt under the shower and let it wash over me. I don't know how long I was there. Angus kept trying to help me. I kept turning from him.
"I dried off and crawled to my bed. I was still numb enough I could fall asleep. I slept for 36 hours. When I awoke, I found that Angus had tried to doctor my wounds. He had put an ice pack on my damaged hole. I don't know if it helped. But his concern unhinged me. I started crying and screaming. He admitted that he had let them in. He was going to be beaten if he hadn't. He sacrificed me to save him some pain.
"I left for university shortly after and I haven't been back since. I got a job here in America and never looked back. My parents know. They found out when my brother was shipped off to detox and confessed his soul to them. He has called twice and asked for my forgiveness."
I just looked at him. I was shocked and was crying. As I brushed the tears from my cheek, I also knew I had fallen in love with him. It wasn't just pity and it wasn't compassion, although both existed inside me. He was lovable and kind. Despite all that had happened, he was still gentle and loving. I needed to offer some form of comfort. But I sat back and thought. How can I offer comfort? He has only known betrayal. No wonder he is gun shy. Oh god, what do I do?
"Ian, I just want to hug you. I won't do anything else. Please."
He looked so lost and sad, but at my words, he smiled at me. But he didn't move towards me.
"What if you hug me? I'll keep my hands to myself."
He moved against me, pinning me to the sofa so he could pull away from me. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled my head to his shoulder. It was such a loving gesture. It was also clumsy and innocent. It was at this moment I knew that Ian had been alone since that night in his brother's room. No matter how badly I wanted to hold him, offer my comfort, I kept my hands down at my sides.
After a few minutes, Ian pulled away from me. He looked confused and he also had tears welling in his eyes.
"Andy, stop. Don't please."
"What?"
"I'm hopeless. Don't even try. I'll never be able to be what you need."
I fell even harder for him. "Ian, I think you're exactly what I need. You aren't hopeless either. Betrayed and used yes, but never hopeless."
"I can't. I can't ..."
"You can't what?"
"I haven't been able to be with anyone. I can't relax around someone. I get panicky and afraid when someone kisses me, touches my cheek."
His news I suspected. But how do I move forward. How do we come together? I loved him and wanted to help. "We are going to go slow. It's going to be weeks before we think about anything remotely close to sex. I just want to get to know you better. I do want you and want to be with you. But that can wait."
He looked down at his lap, his hair was slightly mussed and he looked sad. I watched as a tear rolled down his cheek and fell on his hand. He looked up at me. His eyes were even more intense because of the tears. "I don't want to disappoint you. I tried once before. I couldn't stand to watch you walk away."
I didn't say it, but I thought it: "you are never getting rid of me. I will not walk away."
"I think it would be a good idea if we called it a night. Let's go out to dinner tomorrow night. Something casual and easy." I named a restaurant and told him that we would meet at seven. I then stood and walked towards the door. I turned and Ian looked confused. He really expected me to jump him. I just shook my head. Before I opened the door, I stopped.
"Ian, I want to kiss you good night. Just a simple kiss, my hands at my side."
He nodded. I moved forward slightly and brushed my lips against his. Electricity shot through me at the contact. But I stopped my impulse to dive deep and pulled away. Ian looked even more confused, but I smiled at him while I opened the door. He walked out and I shut the door behind him and smiled.
The next two weeks were a wonderful and hellacious time. I was never so content with the person I spent time with. I was happy and stimulated, both sexually and intellectually. I found every new thing about Ian charming. My love grew and grew. But at the same time, I have never been so sexually frustrated in my life. Each day we spent time together. We would go out to dinner or have a quiet, simple meal at one or the other of our homes. The time was precious to me. Each evening, we would go slowly like I promised. We started with a simple kiss at first. Holding hands on the sofa was followed with light necking and some simple stroking over the clothes. I unbuttoned one of the buttons on his shirt one night and he panicked. So we stopped. Basically, I have to let him make the first move. He is creative, but unskilled. I know he was as frustrated as I. That made it easier to deal with. But while I was hornier than I have ever been, at the same time, I was also more content. Taking our time and making sure Ian was comfortable made me happy. I wanted to make love to him, but was willing to wait until he wanted me just as bad. When his desire for me eclipsed his fear, I knew we would come together and it would be wonderful.
We drove out to the airport one night to pick up my brother and his wife. We stood at the gate together. I couldn't stop staring at him. He kept looking over and smiled and told me to stop. We laughed and talked about how much Ian would like to visit Hawaii. I told him that I had been once and that is why Richard went. We were still talking and laughing when Richard's flight was announced. We stood at the gate waiting for them. When they came through the door at the gate, I walked up to Richard and hugged him tight. Alison gave Ian a huge hug. I pulled back and commented on how Richard was not tanned. I asked if they ever even left the room. They both blushed and I knew that if they did leave their room, it wasn't often. I was happy for them. I wanted that.
While waiting for the luggage, Richard cornered me and asked if Ian and I were together. I couldn't tell him anything. I told him we would have to meet and talk about it tomorrow. Richard and I had lunch together. Richard told me how happy he was that I had moved on and had someone again. I smiled at him and told him how much in love I was with Ian. But Richard could always tell when something was wrong. I didn't tell him everything, not all the details anyway. But Richard knew what had happened to Ian and I explained how slow we were going and how frustrated I was. He told me he understood and thought I was going about it the right way. He asked if I thought about meeting with a counselor to get an idea of whether or not I was going forward correctly. I told Richard that I would if things didn't move forward in a couple of weeks. It made sense, someone who was a counselor, maybe even a sex therapist, would be able to point me in the right direction to help Ian. But I wanted us to see if we could make it on our own.
That night, Ian came over to my house. We decided to go swimming. I haven't seen Ian with his shirt off, let alone in a pair of swim trunks. I wasn't thinking with the little head, it was just a hot day. He didn't have anything to wear, so I gave him a pair of my swim trunks. I ran out to the pool after putting on my trunks and dove in. I was just clearing the water from my eyes when Ian walked out on the patio. I don't think I breathed for a solid minute. He was beautiful. His body was sculpted and strong. He was muscular without being overly developed. His shoulders, broad in clothes, were even more so out of a shirt. His waist tapered in a V. His legs were strong and sturdy, encased beautifully in my royal blue trunks. His chest was matted with lots and lots of dark, curly hair. It covered his pecs and abs, running in a wide, thick line down his center. I stood at attention under the waves of the pool. Ian smiled at me before diving in the water. When he disappeared under the water, I breathed again. I prayed for control. I prayed that the water heater would break and the pool would become ice cold. But, we just splashed like teenagers in the pool. After a few minutes of roughhousing, I got out to dive in again. I saw Ian stare at me. I knew that my trunks were tight on me when wet. I hadn't set out to titillate him, but I was glad he was interested. He just stared, openmouthed. I dove into the water and surfaced in front of him. He reached out to me and trailed a bead of water through the hair on my chest. I stopped breathing again. He looked up at me and was breathing hard. I could see the pulse pound in his throat. He inched closer to me. I felt the hair on his chest brush through mine. We were scant millimeters apart. He leaned forward and kissed me, brushing his lips across mine. He deepened the kiss and I welcomed it. He pulled my shoulders closer to him and wrapped his arms around my back. I kept mine at my sides. I kissed him back, meeting his tongue with my own. Ian moved his hands to mine and took them and pulled them to his chest. He placed my palms against his pecs, his nipples were beaded under my palms. I added a little pressure and felt Ian's breath hitch under my hands. I skimmed my hands down his body, reveling in the new sensations. He had never let me touch him like this before. I felt the ridges of his stomach, sifting through the thick, soft hair. I felt his belly quiver from my touch. I felt him hard against my own straining erection. I wanted to grab his hips and grind my own into him. I wanted to feel his erection duel with mine under the intense sensations. But I didn't.
I moved my hand lower down his abdomen. I skimmed the waistband of the trunks and slid over them, touching the tip of his erection. I felt Ian shudder. He rolled his eyes back into his head and I kissed him again and began slowly stroking him. This is farther than we had ever gotten before. I kept up my rhythm on his cock. I kept brushing his tongue with mine. He squirmed and whimpered. I felt it deep in his throat. I also knew he was close to tripping. I sped up, wanting this first time over. Just for him. I felt him stiffen in my palm. Ian bit my lip and moaned loudly. I felt him spurting in my palm. He clenched my shoulders tighter and kissed me harder. I was throbbing but so glad that I could bring this to Ian. When his spasms calmed, Ian pulled away from my kiss and looked at me. His eyes were still glassy from release. He had a sated, contented smile on his lips as he tried to calm his breathing. The words left my mouth before I could stop them. "I love you."
The cloud of passion cleared and he stared at me. He got tears in his eyes and tried to move away from me. I held on to his hand. He looked at me with such hunger, mixed with such agonizing pain. "I love you too. But I don't know what to do."
"It's enough."
"It never will be. I don't know if I can give you everything. Even after this."
"Remember Ian: weeks. I can wait. Yes, I'm a little achy right now. But I wouldn't trade this moment for anything. I love you."
He moved back in my arms. He pulled my head against his shoulder and kissed my forehead. I took a chance and wrapped my arms around him lightly. No pressure, no pulling, just connected. After a couple of minutes, Ian pulled away. "Can we go take a shower? I hate chlorine on my skin."
I nodded and held his hand as we walked into the house. I showed him the guest bathroom and the extra towels. I went to walk out, but Ian stopped me. He pulled me to him and kissed me again. He then reached down and untied the tie holding up my trunks. He pushed them down my thighs until they plopped on the floor. I had never lost my erection. Ian pulled back and undid his ties as well. Being thinner, the trunks dropped the moment they were loose. I had to clear my throat twice and when I spoke, my voice sounded like smoke or whiskey or even sex. "What are you doing?"
"Conserving water."
"Then lets go to my bathroom, the shower is bigger."
I led the way. Ian's cock was flaccid, but growing. I had never seen it before. It was long and thin and surrounded by dark brown curls. I didn't think it was possible but I got even harder. I bobbed the twenty feet to my bedroom. I walked to the shower and turned it on. When the temperature was okay, I stepped in. Ian paused. I don't think he had really looked at me before, at least not at my lap. He was looking now. My cock was swollen from two weeks of solid teasing. I was thick and long. I hope I didn't scare him. Ian was fine. He was long but slender. But I had him beat in both length and girth. He was better than average, I just hoped he wasn't going to back away. I hated to think we had made such progress but would be scared because of my natural endowments. I had always been proud of my size, now I cursed it. But before he could back away I grabbed his hand. He came willingly into the shower. We stroked and scrubbed each other. Rich lather covered our hands and bodies. He didn't back away from my holding and touching. We had been caressing each other lightly. I never moved below the waist. I loved lathering all those soft curls on his chest. We kissed occasionally, but he seemed more into discovering me. After a few wet moments, Ian moved his hand down and took my cock between his fingers and squeezed. I almost came right there. I cried out, the pleasure was so good. Ian froze but I told him that it was just too good. He grasped me tighter and moved his fist over me. I wanted to grab him, but knew it was a no go. I reached over my head and grabbed the showerhead. Each thrust of his palm had me climbing. I tingled and knew it would be over very quickly. I hadn't gone from erection to ejaculation in under thirty seconds since I was 16. But I was there today. Oh god it was beyond belief to have him holding me. I felt my testicles rise and my belly tighten. I cried out and shot all over Ian. I cried with each pulse and watched through heavy-lidded eyes as I decorated his hairy torso with my ropey orgasm. I became weak-kneed. I fell to my knees at his feet and wrapped my arms around him and ground my nose into his hairy belly button.
I came to slowly. I kissed his belly lightly and looked up into his eyes. He was crying lightly and stroking my hair. He bent down and kissed me lightly on my lips. When he pulled back he looked like he wanted to say something.
"What Ian?"
"Are you okay?"
I smiled.
"Will you go to bed with me?"
I smiled again. "Are you ready for that?"
"I don't think I could get more ready."
"We can wait if you need. I'd be more than happy just to go lie down with you and hold you through the night."
"No. I want you. I want to take you in my mouth and taste your pleasure. I want to bury myself inside you and feel you cum around me. I want you to be inside me too, but I don't know if I'm that ready yet."
"Whatever you want. We can kiss and hold each other or we can be nasty and bumping all night. You are in charge. You stop anything we are doing with a word."
I watched Ian swallow hard. He nodded and I turned the spray off. I grabbed a couple of towels and dried Ian off. I roughed the hair on his chest and moved the towel between his legs and buffed his balls lightly. He was hard from when he was jerking me and each brush of soft terry cloth caused him to groan. When he was melting and dry, I stood and dried myself quickly and led him to the bed. I pulled back the covers and lay down on the cool sheets. Ian stood at the foot of the bed. It would kill me if he agreed, but I offered to stop things for the night. He smiled and shook his head as he moved to me. The sight of him lowering to the bed with a smile had me hard again. I loved him so much and told him so.
He came into my arms and wrapped around me. I let him lead the way. I allowed him to move me, place my hands and legs. I was a marionette and he was the puppet master. I wanted him to be completely comfortable. I stayed with my back flat on the bed. He stayed above me. I wanted to move down him and take him into my mouth. I looked in his eyes and asked him to allow me to move around so we could both pleasure each other with our mouths. He was willing. He swung around and braced his knees on either side of my head. He was dripping and willing. I touched him with the tip of my tongue, following the slit to the flare of his head. I moved back and forth and felt Ian shudder. I took the head into my mouth and laved him with my tongue, swirling it around me. Then I moved my tongue back and brushed the head over and over with the texture of my lips. I started with the flare and pulled back to the tip, rubbing each sensitive, nerve-packed part with my wet lips. Ian moaned and dove down on my cock. He engulfed me in the heat of his mouth. But he had only ever done this once. He grazed me with his teeth. I almost shot off the bed; I arched my back and cried out around Ian's shaft. I then dove onto Ian. I slurped and sucked, bobbed and dove on his engorged penis. He matched his movements to mine and we moved in tandem. I felt Ian get harder and thicker in my mouth. I wanted him to cum. I wanted to taste his release. I wanted him to have this moment of joy. I sucked harder and faster, moving furiously on him. His testicles lifted in front of my eyes and rose against him and he cried out around my shaft. I felt each spurt hit my throat. It was scalding hot and tasted bitter and sweet at the same time. My cock slipped from Ian's mouth and fell against my belly. I hadn't cum and Ian was pulling away. I thought something was wrong until he collapsed on top of me. His cock went soft in my mouth so it didn't choke me. I didn't understand what was wrong, and then I heard him snore. I chuckled softly under his weight.
Ian dozed for a few minutes. I was absolutely charmed. The idea that he could sleep so comfortably in my presence meant he was comfortable around me. It also made me feel good that I had pleasured him so well that he had to sleep to replenish. I hadn't cum and I was throbbing, but I was happy in his arms. I rolled him onto his back and turned around so I could look in his eyes when he woke. He did so after only a couple of minutes. He smiled sleepily at me. His grin silly and sated at the same time. I smiled back. Then his face changed. He blushed and looked away. I grabbed his chin and turned him back to me.
"What?"
"I can't believe I fell asleep before you were done."
I smiled. "It can wait."
"You've done that a lot."
"That's the amazing thing about an erection, if it goes away, another one is just around the corner."
He laughed and kissed me. Then he rolled on top of me. He was erect again against my hip. With each kiss, we rolled together, rocking back and forth. He slipped between my thighs. He paused and looked down at me. I knew what he wanted. I nodded and pointed to the table by the bed. He nodded and reached over and opened the drawer. It had been over three years since I had had any kind of sex. I was usually on top. I did let David from time to time, but he mostly liked to receive. But for Ian, I would dress in drag and walk into work and blow my boss if it made him happy. Although with size fourteen feet and being as tall as I am, finding slut spikes would be near impossible.
He had grabbed my lube stash and was coating his fingers. He moved them down between us and tested me. It was like putting a lit match to gasoline, I was on fire. He pushed a finger into me and I arched my back. My grin faded and I moaned. It had been so long since anyone had touched me. I shuddered with each in and out motion of his long fingers. I didn't think it could get any better, but I was wrong. The look of wonder in Ian's eyes made me clench him and moan even more. This wasn't a sexual act; it was making love. He was trembling as he braced on one arm over me. He tried to smile but it was tremulous at best.
"I don't know what I'm doing Andy."
"I think you are doing just fine."
"I don't know if you're ready or not."
"That's easy. Now Ian. Now."
He looked at me and I smiled at him. He removed his fingers and placed himself at my opening. He slid into me easily. The look of wonder was back. He got red in the face and moaned. "Oh my god Andy." He pulled out a bit and pushed back. He hit my trigger. Oh god, this was going to be fast. I was on fire and I was beyond primed from our earlier fun. Ian lowered his chest to mine and moved his hairy body against mine. My cock was wedged between our bellies. The hair trail down from my belly button and his furry belly added texture and silk that fisted my cock between the sweaty skin of our stomachs. I was being stimulated both externally and internally. I was tightening, feeling my load build. No matter how good I was feeling, I couldn't stop watching the newness and wonder that Ian was experiencing. It wasn't just my pleasure; it was our pleasure. Each thrust of his hips made him shudder. He moaned and groaned with each curl of pleasure. I wanted to wait and cum with him. He was close, but I was closer. My balls clenched with my first wave. I spurted against our tight bellies. With each spasm, I clamped involuntarily around Ian. He grunted and started to shudder. He cried out his pleasure, my name part of it. He kissed me deeply and collapsed against my chest. He was still buried inside me. I chuckled when he fell asleep again. Curled tightly against my chest and fell deeply asleep. He was completely relaxed. His arms sprawled on either side of me with his legs loose between my own. I lowered my legs from around his hips and wrapped my arms around his back. I cradled his head against my shoulder and gladly held him while he was so vulnerable and asleep. I was overwhelmed with love and started to cry.
Ian woke and found me crying. He pushed up and went to move away. He kept mumbling how sorry he was for hurting me. I pulled him back down and assured him I was fine, just very, very happy. We kissed some more. Then turned around to lay our heads on the pillows and fell asleep. I was never so content as to hold him through the night. All during that night, we turned to each other over and over. When the need and the passion rose, we came together hotly. Each and every time Ian came, he would fall asleep after. Sometimes for just a few minutes, and other times for hours. I always loved that he did that. Love is based on trust, respect, passion, caring, like, regard, and so many other emotions. His ability to fall asleep proved his trust in me. Each and every second caused me to love him more.
Eventually, he let me take him. It was a sweet, gentle moment. I moved within him slowly, making him cum three times before I did. I wanted him to know love in the act that he had only known as betrayal before. Afterwards, he cried in my arms. I just held him as he let go of the last of his pain. I cried with him when he called his brother Angus and forgave him. We've been together now for over eight years. For his thirtieth birthday, I took him to Hawaii. I rented a house on the beach with a private stretch with no neighbors. We came home very tan, all over. My brother Richard tried to tease us when he picked us up at the airport, but he couldn't. We did spend almost every waking moment naked and in each other's arms. But we got to spend it nude on the beach. Ian is absolutely sexy with sand hanging in the vast expanse of hair on his chest. It is one of my best memories. I don't regret the frustrating weeks that it took for us to become comfortable to make love. We have definitely made up for it since.
It is said that patience is a virtue. I agree wholeheartedly. It was worth the wait. Some people can love a lot of people a little. Others can love one or two greatly. For us lucky ones, we love so much that it becomes a living, breathing entity greater than ourselves. That is what Ian and I share.