Secrets, Secrets
This story explicitly depicts young men forming erotic bonds with each other. Generally they are between the ages of 14 to 17, and they "generally" agree that peer relationships are best. However, among this particular group of youths, there are some who consider scoring some hot older fellow a coup, while there are others who remain enchanted by younger lads. These liaisons appear as dangerous edges, and the author has attempted to depict such outlawish trysts in a realistic way. Also, some of the fellows depicted here do other "bad boy" things like experiment with drugs and get in terrible fights. Last, being sexually versatile, as jocks typically are, they occasionally even have sex with girls. Ultimately, many are the spirits of the young who, in these pages, simply say, "Fuck the rules."
There is plenty of raunchy sex in this tale, but if all you are looking for is pure fapping material utterly devoted to some precise specialty, you might want to look elsewhere. In publisher's lingo, this is a "Coming of Age" novel.
Author's Note: As we shall see, Ricky and Nicky do not agree on everything. Nor do I feel obligated to have a hot sex scene in every chapter. Sometimes, a little mystery goes a long way.
Secrets, Secrets
Those two!
Nicky studied them.
He was not excluded. They were not trying to push him away.
But right then, they were really into each other! Their heads were close. They were talking quietly to each other in language only they could understand.
Nicky knew. He knew that people thought he was a goofy guy, a silly kid, but he saw what was going on with people.
Collin looked at Nicky, he said, "Hey Otter Boy! Are you gonna catch more fish?"
"No. Not yet! I'm still too cold... Or! I could hunt in the shallows downstream! In a minute, but what animal are you? I think a dog!"
Ricky disagreed. "Nah, Collin's a wolf. He is wild and dangerous, but he is loyal, and he is strong."
Nicky agreed. A wild wolf!
Ricky looked at Nicky and grinned, he said, "How about me?"
"A lion, definitely a lion. A mountain lion! The mountain lion king!"
But Collin joked, "More like a lion queen!"
Collin and Nicky laughed. One thing that Nicky really, really liked about Ricky was the way he would downplay his power. But Collin was wrong. He was the lion king. Collin thought he was the boss, but Ricky was, and like a good ruler, confident of his power, he did not fear the strength of his people.
Collin said, laughing more, "A really slutty lion queen!"
Once again, they all laughed.
Nicky looked downstream. He was thinking of catching more fish. It would be easier to wade in the shallows of the downstream rapids.
He saw a beautiful boy! It was one of those lovely brown boys he had seen, the ones with the teepee, one of the "Red Indian" boys.
Ricky had said, "Don't say 'Red' Indian!"
Nicky had explained that in Europe, you had to say that so people knew who you were talking about, otherwise they thought you meant an Indian from India. Ricky explained, "We say 'Indian' or 'East Indian, never 'Red Indian.' It's an insult."
Nicky knew that they also said "Native American." When Nicky asked about that, Ricky had told him that the Indians he knew called themselves that, and they did not care, but some did, so it was best to listen and to ask. Nicky understood. It was simply good manners to call others the words they preferred for themselves.
What he did not understand was why they were called "red" in the first place. They were brown. At least some of them. Many looked like they were actually Asian. Many were very light, but this boy was golden. He looked, to Nicky, like he was Persian. This was the younger of the pair he had seen. His hair was not as long. He was as tall as the other, but more slender.
In a flash, Nicky was gone. He had a new kind of fish to catch!
To no one in particular, though it was Collin who sat beside him, Ricky wondered aloud, "Where the hell did Nicky run off to?"
Collin chuckled. "I think he found a new boyfriend. Didn't you see him down there? They were snatching fish from the shallows, it looked like."
Ricky had seen Nicky at the other end of the beach. There were a lot of people between them however. He had not been paying attention. His attention had been on Collin, who had reverted to his usual butch bossiness.
But Ricky felt a sudden stab in his chest. He asked, "A new boyfriend? Huh?"
"Yeah," Collin said, casually, leaning back. "Didn't you see him? Some little kid, like twelve or something. They took off together."
Nicky had told Ricky that he usually went for guys near his age, but still Ricky felt that pang. Had he hurt Nicky's feelings? Had he ignored him in favor of Collin? Had Nicky then sought affection elsewhere?
Ricky could not help it. He was feeling jealous!
Is he with Mason?
This jealousy fascinated him. Ricky was not a jealous guy. The feeling was new. A certain, secret part of his heart was actually happy to feel an exciting new emotion!
Nicky was not the introspective type, but Ricky was. He was further fascinated by these contrary, tumultuous feelings. He loved Collin. But Nicky?
Nicky was his boyfriend.
Yes, he loved Collin. And he loved Joshua. And he loved Ryan, too. And he loved Roan. But Nicky? Nicky was like... Nicky was like another version of himself who had evolved along a different line with less suffering and more love. The way they could read each other! It was spooky!
He tried not to show it. Collin would fuck with him.
And Collin, true to form, must have seen something in Ricky's face, for he said, "You're jealous."
"Don't fuck with me, Collin," Ricky said, trying to make his voice dark and ominous.
Collin laughed his evil laugh. "I'm not fucking with you. I see how you two are. You and him. Him and you. You two. You are two of a kind. If anyone should be jealous, it's me. Don't worry about him. He'll be back. He loves you."
Ricky looked at Collin. Collin had a solemn expression. Ricky let it go. Collin was right. Ricky said, "I am feeling sad about you leaving, Collin."
"Yeah," Collin agreed.
They said no more about that.
They watched the swirling waters. When they grew hot, they swam together. Together, they ignored the always hovering girls.
Finally, Ricky said, "I need to start dinner. You wanna help?"
"Sure," Collin agreed.
They were walking back home when Nicky came dashing up with Mason, all slender, brown, and tall, with flowing bangs and big brown eyes.
"This is Mason!" Nicky announced proudly.
They had, Nicky said, been catching minnows. They had gone to the Mason's cabin to put them in a big fish tank, so he said.
Ricky had told Nicky only a small amount about Roan, but he hadn't seen much of Roan since Nicky had shown up.
And then, Nicky was at his side. He had an arm across Ricky's shoulders. He was talking quietly in Ricky's ear, and he was saying, "I was thinking that since you won The Challenge, and now it was your turn? We might have fun with Mason and Roan, together!"
Ricky muttered, "Huh? If it's my challenge, then you need to let me decide. But where is Roan? You met him?"
Mason answered in his pretty voice, "He went with his dad to Oregon for some tribal thing. He'll be back tonight or later this afternoon."
Then, right in the road, with other people walking by, Nicky kissed Ricky on the cheek. No one was surprised. Everyone knew that Nicky had those European affectations, and everyone knew that Nicky was Ricky's best friend, and everyone knew that Ricky was as macho as they come.
So it was cool.
Quietly, in Ricky's ear, Nicky said, "I need some time to, like you say, 'soften him up?'"
Ricky did not like that idea. But he thrust his jealousy aside. Besides, Ricky wanted to spend some time with Collin anyway. Did Nicky have "thing" for little guys? Ricky could not really see the harm. He shrugged.
After Nicky and Mason dashed off, Ricky, Collin, Ricky's dad, and Patrick all had dinner together. Feeling lazy and fat from wild trout and squirrel meat, they watched a movie. Finally Ricky and Collin went off to the gazebo, and there, they had "The Talk."
Collin, this new Collin opened up. "I dunno man, but I'm wondering if I'm actually going gay! Fuck Jesus but I'm torqued!"
"Torqued," was a uniquely "Collin" expression. It meant different things in different contexts. Ricky got that Collin was feeling "confused and upset."
"Actually, Collin, I thought we worked that out. I'm surprised to hear you say this. I do not think you are gay. From what I hear from the gay boys I know, like, almost all straight boys have fooled around with other guys. I have an older friend who has a lot of experience, and he says that guys are just dogs. We are always horny, and we are "opportunistic." But you dream of girls man, not guys. Seriously. Unless you've been lying about that, like I used to, you're worried over nothing."
"I'm not lying about that, but, dude, I never told you this, but I have really intense orgasms with you!"
Ricky had not been ready for this! He had decided he would not spurn Collin if Collin needed to get off, but he felt guilty for being more into Nicky. It wasn't a gay thing or a straight thing, in Ricky's estimation; it was a problem that came up with groups of three.
Ricky had no desire to "turn Collin gay." He told him, "Guys know how to get guys off, is all, Collin. Besides, what girl would let you give her shit like you give me?"
Collin nodded in that quick way. "OK. I'll believe you. But even now, I'm feeling edgy!"
Before Ricky could say anything, Collin suddenly changed the subject, "So what was Nicky saying about some 'challenge?'"
"It's a game we play. We challenge each other to do gay stuff."
"Hunh," Collin pondered this. "So I was a 'challenge?'"
Ricky decided to just answer him factually. "Yes. Nicky wanted to challenge me to three-way with a straight boy, and now he's looking to score us a four-way with some gay guys. It was supposed to me my turn to pick the challenge, but you know Nicky!"
Collin chuckled, "Fucking fags!"
"I know, right?" Ricky agreed.
"Maybe he should owe you a double dare after this! I mean, you know, since he got two challenges?"
"Maybe. The thing is, Collin, I'm not really into it. I think Nicky likes those younger guys way more than he should. I mean, I just did it with this other kid, a young one, I don't know, more like a favor; except, it was fun, and I really came to love him. But even so, I'm into big strong guys with big dicks and hair who shoot lots of stinky come."
"You never really talked about that, Ricky," Collin observed.
"No. It's a rule, you know. We don't kiss and tell. I'm trusting you with that information."
"Well, I'm glad you feel that way. I think it's wrong to go after little guys. It's not fair to them."
"Except," Ricky offered, "sometimes they need it. Just like a girl might need to lose her virginity. Sometimes a younger guy will seek out an older one. We are safe for them, you see? We have experience. They know we won't tell on them. Shit, when I was twelve, I could've used an older guy myself. I wish I had found one."
Collin was not tucked into his sleeping bag. He was laying on his side, resting his head on one hand and looking at Ricky intently. "Maybe. OK. I could see that."
Then, suddenly, Collin Collin leaned over and gave Ricky the sweetest kiss on the cheek.
"You wanna get off again, Collin?"
"Yes. I have something I'd like to try with you."
"Not any of that rough shit, Collin. I'm not down for that."
"No, Ricky. No 'rough shit.' You remember that movie we watched? Tropic Thunder?"
Ricky well remembered that silly movie with Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr., and even Tom Cruz. It was a movie about a movie in Viet Nam. Collin had laughed and laughed. It was his style of humor, more so than Ricky's. "Yeah?" Ricky asked with no idea where Collin was going with it.
"You remember that scene where Robert Downey Jr.'s character is giving Ben Stiller's character acting advice about that retard he played?"
"Oh yeah. He tells him, 'Never go "Full retard."' He says that's why people could not relate to the character Stiller played because he was too retarded."
"Yeah, well it got me thinking..."
Oh, Ricky thought, completely mystified by Collin's allusion, this is going to be good!
Nicky, meanwhile, never reappeared that night. Besides the enigmatic text he'd gotten from Roan asking if Nicky was "cool," Ricky had no other word. Ricky had only texted back, "Totally".
Mason
Things did not go the way Nicky thought they would.
First, as they hunted for minnows in the shallows far below the swimming hole, he had told Mason that he was friends with Ricky.
"That big tan blonde? Roan's friend?"
Mason had such a high and musical voice! He was slender but not delicate. He had that Indian Boy kind of strength and agility.
"Yes. Ricky told me that he had this friend Roan and that Roan had told him that he had a friend 'Mason' who would be visiting. So that must be you."
Mason had looked a bit uncomfortable then.
"Do not worry," Nicky had assured him. "I will not tell on you."
"He's not my boyfriend!"
Nicky had wondered how Mason would play it. So he has decided to lie.
Nicky would not challenge that. If Mason was keeping his friend's secret, that was good.
"Well, Ricky is my boyfriend! You are not going to blab? I mean, did I just make a bad mistake for trusting you?"
"I won't tell. I don't care, anyway. And, anyway, I already knew that."
"You already knew that? How did you know that?"
They were quite apart from all the other people, almost to the rapids far below the swimming hole, standing in the shallows and pulling back rocks to find the many strange creatures that lived in hidden places.
Mason looked sidelong at Nicky and grinned. "Roan and me saw you and Ricky messing around right up there!"
He pointed at the log jam upstream above the swimming hole.
Interesting!
"Hah! So you know we are gay! OK! Well, I think you are beautiful, Mason! I love your beautiful skin and your long, tall body. I like to fool around with boys. I cannot help myself."
Rather than scorn Nicky as a straight boy would do, Mason had simply smiled shyly. He looked only at Nicky's with those big doe eyes. He said, "But I thought Ricky was your boyfriend, and also we followed you and watched you two after that. We saw you fucking! Upstream! We were by the river, in the brush!"
Nicky thought that was funny. It made everything easier. He answered with what he had determined to be the truth, "Ricky is my boyfriend, but he and I are always hunting for other boys who might want to play together with us. It is fun! But never mind that! Let us catch some baby fish! Is your fish tank cold? Trout need cold water!"
"Minnows don't," Mason answered. "They grow faster with warm water. I mean, see how they are always in the shallow, warm water? My dad works at the hatchery, and my father and uncle George, that's Roan's father, raise fish all the time. Our tank has algae and grass and bugs and everything. It's ready. Let's catch a lot of minnows!"
So far so good! He is not trying to avoid me!
Nicky simply asked, digesting all that information, "So you and Roan are cousins?"
"My dad and Roan's dad are cousins, but they call each other 'brother,' so Roan and I are cousins. Lots of us Indians are related in lots of ways. White people use complicated words for all that. We just say, 'Uncle' and 'cousin' and sometimes just 'brother' or 'sister.' Ya' know?"
Nicky understood.
Once they'd filled Roan's pail with baby fish, they had trotted off to the huge cabin across the river. Nicky knew this cabin. It was next to the path he had found the first day, and it was the one with the teepee.
The fish tank was huge! It was on the back deck. That way, Mason explained, it would stay cooler than inside, and following the natural cycles of the river, which was cooling off at night but warming up more during the day, the way the little fish needed for both growth and strength.
They studied the minnows together then for a long time, staring at them raptly in silence. The fish seemed to be happy in the new environment. Finally, Nicky said, "I need to go tell Ricky where I have been."
Mason wanted to come along. He said, "I want to see the 'Great Ricky Boone.'"
Yes. I see you! Nicky thought. You say one thing, but you do another.
Nicky understood. It was part of the contest.
After meeting with Ricky and Collin, they walked back. Shortly after crossing the bridge and turning down the road Nicky had first used to get to the far side of the swimming hole, Roan and his father caught up to them in their beat up, old, pickup truck.
After the usual greetings, still with the truck idling, Roan turned to his father, who looked like an Indian chief with long braided hair and skin that had seen a lot of sun, and said, "How about I walk with my friends, Daddy?"
His dad suggested the other two just climb in the back of the truck, but Roan said, "Oh, I want to walk and talk with them."
Walking together then along the tree lined gravel road, Mason asked, "How did the meeting with the elders go?"
"It was a lot of complaining and bitching. Daddy said it would be, but he said it was important that I come and listen. The elders were very nice to me!"
"Elders?" Nicky asked, trying to be included.
"Yes," Roan said, "Indians are different about old people than white people. We honor our old ones."
Nicky was puzzled. "But it is the same in Greece. Why do you say 'white people?' That is not fair."
Roan looked at him suspiciously then, and instead of answering, he asked, "So what are you doing here, if you are from Greece?"
Ricky had told Nicky many things about Roan. He had said he was very sweet and kind. But this Roan Nicky was seeing was not being nice at all! Then Nicky wondered, Has Ricky told Roan about me?
So he asked, "Did not Ricky tell you about me?"
"Ricky?" was all Roan asked in return.
Before Nicky could answer, Mason said, "Nicky told me that Ricky was his boyfriend. He made a totally gay pass at me. I told him we saw them fucking!"
There was no cruelty in Mason's tone. It was just the facts, but Nicky's cheeks burned. He looked down. He muttered, "I cannot believe Ricky did not tell you about me! He sure told me about you Roan! He said you were cool. He said you were brave. He said you were strong. He did not say you were mean!"
They were nearing the cabin then. Roan stopped. There was an opening in the trees to their left, and the afternoon sun painted his lovely Asiatic features with golden light. He looked at Nicky oddly. He pulled out his phone and appeared to fire off a text, holding up a hand, making them both be silent.
It was just as well, for at that moment, a train came thundering by, making talk impossible.
And then he looked up, his whole manner changed. He smiled brightly then. "Ricky says you are cool."
Nicky laughed as the train passed.
"But I still wonder," Roan said, "How much did he tell you about me?"
Nicky studied him. "He speaks well of you. He told me you and him fished and shot arrows together. But he is mysterious sometimes. Ricky is like that."
Then he had an idea!
"Wait! Have you and Ricky been lovers?"
Ricky had spoken at length about Roan, but Nicky had no hint of that. He had said that "earlier this summer, I was with a younger guy. It was his first time, but it was awkward for us." Ricky could be very protective. This explained everything! Of course Ricky would say nothing of that!
His suspicion was confirmed by the strange glance that Roan and Mason shared with each other.
Masan said, "Maybe we should all have a Pow Wow, Roan."
Nicky asked, "A 'Pow Wow?'"
Roan answered, "It is a time when different tribes come together to share and talk, but... No. Ricky said you were were 'totally' cool, so we will trust you. Yes, Ricky and I were lovers, and so are Mason and I."
Mason was not pleased by this. He crossed his arms and frowned. He glared at Roan.
Roan merely said, "He already knows, Mason. He's figured it out. He won't tell."
Nicky could see why Ricky liked Roan. He was surprisingly "old" for someone so young.
Than, looking at Nicky, he said, "Besides, did you really make a pass at my Mason?"
"I did, Roan. I am not trying to take him from you. He is beautiful. He looks like a prince of Persia! I think you are beautiful too. I was hoping you two and Ricky and I could all get together. I was hoping for that only. I saw you both the first day I was here, and you excited me."
Roan laughed then. He looked at Mason. Nicky could see they were conferring with their eyes. He saw Mason smile evilly at Roan.
It is on!
Roan said, "How about you like spend the night in our teepee with us?"
Nicky looked down, shuffled his feet, and answered quietly, "I would love that."
They returned to Roan's cabin. There were many adults. To Nicky's delight, just like a Greek family, they insisted that the guest eat. And the food was very good! Very different. There was a mash that reminded Nicky of corn grits because of the texture, but the taste was more like a nut flavored potato.. It was made of acorns! It tasted good with gravy. The meal was all very informal. They did not eat at the table. Instead, the table was spread with food, and there were several cooks who brought things to the table for everyone to take what they wished. Some people did not even use plates or silverware. The boys took their food and ate on the deck, sitting cross-legged right on the boards.
They kept saying "Eat up! Eat up!" Roan told him that they were trying to finish off last year's harvest because it would be acorn season very soon. Also, they had deer meat that they called "venison" and some kind of bitter green salad that had been picked from greens that grew by the river.
After the meal, Nicky took his new friends to meet his mother, bearing with them freshly ground acorn flour which, could, according to Roan's mother, be used in bread, and some wild honey taken from near an orchard on the reservation. His mother also insisted they eat. Nicky was very pleased that the two did not refuse, even though they were all quite full.
His mother, as they sipped one of her herbal teas commented, "I am delighted that you are finding these sorts of boys who love to be outside, Nicky. What a change from those weak, city creatures at home and New York who merely play video games all day!"
"Yes, Mama! I am turning native! The boys in this part of America are like the land; they are wild!"
Having spent the obligatory time with his mother, Nicky suggested they return to Roan and Mason's cabin. Nicky had no sleeping bag, but Roan assured him that was not a problem. The teepee had many blankets. As they were leaving, Nicky's mom insisted they take some hummus and olive dressing as a gift to Roan and Mason's family.
Mason commented to Roan as they walked in the gathering dusk, "So he is like Ricky, a 'white Indian?'"
Roan looked at Nicky inscrutably. He only said, "I do not know. The trial is not over."
The "trial"?
Nicky may have seemed to be naïve. He knew he gave that impression. But he understood Roan perfectly. He was being challenged!
Ha!
Roan appeared to smile to himself. He turned to Mason and said, "Ricky is the older boy I told you about. I never told you that was him, but he is the one I talk about."
"And this is between us guys, right?" Mason asked that in a sweet way. He was very cute!
"Yes, Mason," was all Roan said.
He looked at Nicky and said, "Mason understands, but you must tell Ricky I told on him. I do not wish him angry, but if he is, I deserve a chance to talk with him."
Nicky once more could see why Ricky was able to be with Roan. He was young in body but wise of spirit. Roan and Ricky were alike that way. "Old souls," his grandmother would say.
"So?" Nicky asked, "Would you guys like to fuck? Or shall stand here in the road talking all day?"
Questions? Comments? Critiques? Don't be shy. Let me know. All feedback is useful. Your letters have been helpful and encouraging. Heck, I'll even write you back. I like to do that.
Cheers, Dorian
(dorianswift@tutanota.com)
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