THE BRITS ARE CUMMING Or, Colin and Jeremy Make the Best of a Delay in L.A.
Disclaimer: The following story is a complete fantasy featuring the real-life actors Colin Firth and Jeremy Northam. It never happened, and it never will. No suggestion or implication concerning the characters' sexuality is intended. As far as anyone knows, both are completely and happily heterosexual.
American readers who may not be familiar with their work should see Bridget Jones's Diary, Shakespeare In Love, The Importance of Being Earnest, Pride and Prejudice and The Advocate (the movie, NOT the magazine; has several great shots of his ass) for Colin Firth. For Jeremy Northam, see Emma (with Gwyneth Paltrow), Gosford Park, and An Ideal Husband.
"Shit," muttered Colin Firth as he turned away from the British Airways ticket counter at Los Angeles International Airport. A freak storm had grounded all flights indefinitely, and his nonstop flight to London was cancelled. From the corner of his eye he spotted Jeremy Northam in the line he had just stepped out of. The two actors only knew each other slightly, but they exchanged greetings.
"If you're trying to make Flight 1145, it's cancelled" Colin said. " Everything's grounded until this storm passes."
"Bloody hell!" handsome, dark haired Jeremy replied. "I wonder if there's a room to be had anywhere near this Godforsaken airport?"
Looking around the airport full of people with no place to go, Colin answered "I don't know, but I'd suggest we start looking now." The two men hurried to an outside door where they managed to get one of the last taxis there. The driver took them to first one, then another, and then another and then still another hotel, none of which had any vacancies. As they drove, the storm grew worse, and suddenly all street lights and lights in surrounding buildings went out. A few dim lights could be seen in the last hotel up ahead, and they had the driver leave them there. They would spend the night in its lobby if no rooms were available.
The hotel lobby seemed rather eerie in dim emergency lighting, but the desk clerk informed them that one room was left with a single king-sized bed. Jeremy glanced questioningly at Colin, who simply replied "take it."
As he completed their registration the desk clerk told them "I'm sorry, but the elevators aren't on emergency power, so you'll have to take the stairs. I 'd also suggest that if you want to shower, do it right away, because we're going to have to shut off the hot water in 20 minutes." Finally he handed them two candles, and with a wink, whispered "you're the only ones I've told about the hot water."
The two Englishmen trudged up five flights of stairs lit only by dim emergency lighting, and were breathing hard when they reached their room. Fortunately, the card key lock system was working, and they were able to get in. A single bulb did its best to dispel the darkness, but it was a losing battle. Outside the storm raged harder and four suitcases fell to the floor while their owners caught their breath.
A moment later, Jeremy said "I HAVE to pee," and stepped into the bathroom. Colin heard the toilet flush, then Jeremy's voice saying "Colin, come in here. You won't believe this."
When he entered the bathroom a single small bulb lit the room, and Jeremy was pointing into the shower. "Only in America. Only in L.A.," he said. Colin looked inside the shower and saw that it featured two shower heads.
Colin gave a short laugh and said "maybe it'll be to our advantage after all. " Looking at his watch he said "I think we have about ten minutes of hot water left, and this way we'll both at least have an equal shot at it." He stepped back into the room and pulled his shirt off over his head. He kicked off his shoes and was sliding his trousers down when Jeremy joined him. Jeremy quickly started to undress, and as he was sliding his own silk boxers off he looked up just in time to see the beautiful ass admired by Colin's fans around the world.
A moment later the two men were side by side in the shower. Jeremy stood 6'2"
tall. Colin was an inch shorter, but it was difficult to tell because of his wavy hair and slender build. Of the two, Jeremy was slightly darker, with more body hair. Colin had a patch of hair in the center of the chest, but was otherwise rather smooth.
As they quickly soaped up, Colin said "this reminds me of being in school."
Jeremy glanced down and said with a slight smirk "in more ways than one!"
With some embarrassment, Colin realized his cock was hard, pointing straight out of its thick nest of brown hair, and he turned away.
"Don't worry about it," Jeremy said, "we all have urges." As he spoke he lathered his own dark bush and enjoyed the sensation of slick, soapy fingers moving down the length of his cock.
Colin looked back, momentarily stunned, but incredibly turned on at the same time. Hesitatingly, he asked "can… can I touch it?"
"Of course you can, Jeremy answered, "as long as you let me do the same!"
Colin hadn't touched another guy's cock since his schooldays, but it came back to him as he felt the slippery hardness of Jeremy's in his hand. He jumped slightly at the sensation of Jeremy's fingers wrapping around his cock in turn, fingers that knew how to make a man feel good. The two men stood for a moment just enjoying their mutual wank, but abruptly the water turned cold and they both yelped in surprise. Quickly they rinsed, then turned off the water.
On the bathmat Colin suddenly became shy again, turning his back to Jeremy, but somewhat frustrated by the fact that his prick was harder than ever. However, he was grateful to feel Jeremy's hands gently draping a towel across his shoulders. He began to dry himself, and eventually turned to face Jeremy. The sight of the handsome, sexy actor totally naked was unexpectedly arousing, though he at that point didn't realize that the sight of his own naked body was causing Jeremy's cock to twitch in its dark nest.
Tentatively, Colin reached out with his towel in hand to dry Jeremy's chest, and Jeremy moaned softly as the cotton terrycloth brushed across his already-hard nipples. Colin became bolder, and finished drying his friend's chest, stomach, and crotch. When finished, he dropped the towel and took the other man' s hand in his to lead him to the bed.
As he reached to turn down the covers he began to chuckle. "What's so funny? " Jeremy asked. "Again, only in America. Only in California," Colin replied. As he spoke, he showed Jeremy the condom he found on the pillow.
"That's a lucky stroke," Jeremy said as he spotted another condom on the other pillow. He then lay down on the bed and stretched out, arms over his head.
Never had he looked hotter or sexier, with the nice dusting of dark hair fanning across his muscular chest, then narrowing down to a trail along his flat stomach, finally spreading out again in a gloriously thick bush. Sprouting from the bush was his 7-inch cock with its long pointed head almost all the way out of its skin.
Colin joined him and the two men almost instinctively intertwined themselves, even more aroused with full body contact and their cockheads brushing together. It was Colin who initiated the first kiss, soft and tentative at first, but quickly becoming harder and more passionate as Jeremy kissed him back. Their tongues met and tangled sensuously for several minutes, both men more aroused than they had been in years.
Jeremy rolled Colin onto his back and slowly kissed down his neck and across his collar bone. Colin shuddered in pleasure and Jeremy's lips and tongue found his left nipple, teasing it to a hard point. Colin's cock was by this time freely leaking precum and he was being driven nearly senseless by desire. He grabbed his cock and began to jack it frantically. A moment later he felt his hand being gently pulled off his cock. He started to protest but before he could say anything he felt a warm, wet mouth on his cockhead.
Colin had had many blowjobs from women, but none compared to this one from another man. Jeremy's tongue slowly worked its way around the glans, mixing saliva with precum, then slowly flicking through the piss slit. Colin felt his cock being swallowed deeper as Jeremy began a combination stroking/sucking action that would have quickly resulted in a massive orgasm if he hadn't known when to back off. He looked up, and the two men's eyes met in the dim light. Driven nearly mad with lust an desire, Colin grabbed Jeremy's shoulders and pulled him into a massive, wet kiss.
It was soon Jeremy's turn to be rolled onto his back, and luckily for him Colin was a fast learner. He felt his hairy chest being stroked and his nipples worked almost expertly. The trail of dark hair leading from his chest to his bush gave Colin a direct path to follow. Colin at first tried to go down too far on Jeremy's cock, but quickly realized his mistake and adjusted his "bite. " In short order he was sucking cock like a pro, and it was Jeremy's turn to gasp in pleasure. Involuntarily his hips began to thrust as he fucked Colin' s mouth, but he had other things in mind before climaxing.
"Colin!" he said in a loud whisper.
"Mumph?" responded Colin as he looked up questioningly, his mouth still full of cock.
"Wet your finger," said Jeremy, "and put it up my arse." To emphasize his request he spread his legs wider and tilted his ass upward slightly. "Go ahead " he urged, "I cleaned it out well in the shower."
Colin hesitated only a moment before he swallowed his middle finger until it was dripping wet with saliva. Slowly he probed Jeremy's hairy crack with it until he found the tight, puckered hole. His finger slipped into it easily because Jeremy was relaxed and prepared for it. However, once it was in, Colin found his finger being gripped tightly by Jeremy's ass muscles. Slowly he began to finger fuck, then resumed cocksucking. Jeremy's cock jerked in Colin's mouth as his finger located Jeremy's prostate.
Instantly, Jeremy sat up, seemingly rocket-propelled. He took Colin's face in his hands and began to kiss him passionately. When his mouth was free a few seconds later Colin asked "did I do something wrong?"
"No, not at all. You just almost did it TOO well," Jeremy answered. He then picked up a condom from the nightstand and tore it open. With one hand he stroked Colin's cock to full hardness, then rolled the condom down its length. He then laid back, raising his knees in the air to expose his ass. "Fuck me!"
he hissed at Colin.
Firth didn't need to be asked twice. It took him a couple of tries but finally his large cockhead found Jeremy's ass opening and he started to push in. Jeremy let out a deep sigh and relaxed his ass muscles so that Colin's cock slid smoothly in until his bush was against Jeremy's ass cheeks. He took a few seconds to accustom himself to the unexpected tightness, then slowly started thrusting. Lighting flashed outside causing a silhouette of the two men fucking to appear on the wall, but as far as they were concerned the lighting was inside the room.
As Colin fucked, Jeremy stroked his own cock and they fell into a rhythm of sorts. Before long, Colin increased his speed, pulling almost all the way out, then thrusting back in several times. More than once he felt close to cumming, but he stopped himself in time. Jeremy began to jack himself with greater urgency, his breath coming in short gasps as his balls pulled up tight.
Colin sensed the situation, and slammed Jeremy's ass harder and faster than ever. Finally he couldn't hold back any longer, and his cock erupted like a firehose, just as Jeremy shot a huge stream of cum at least two feet in the air. Both men experienced multiple-stage orgasms that included at least two more cum streams after the first.
Collapsing on top of Jeremy, Colin actually felt cum leaking out of the open end of the condom.. As his heart rate returned to normal, Colin eased his softening cock out of Jeremy's ass, and rested his head on Jeremy's chest. He couldn't remember a time in his entire life when he felt so amazingly satisfied and spent.
"That was fucking incredible," Colin said as Jeremy gently stroked his hair.
"Yes, it was," Jeremy agreed. "I've always heard you were great in the sack, but now I know for sure!"