Always keen to get feedback on this – I have some plans for the next instalment...
Email me with suggestions, views, etc. mattspank74@gmail.com
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So, after four weeks of challenges, the scoreboard stood at: Scott, 22, 46 points Pete, 28, 44 points Luis, 26, 43 points
Not only had this run of `The Challenge' been one of the most popular, with host Lionel Peel kept reminding the audience, they'd never had so many calls since the second series when the one and only celebrity run of the programme had led to a former soap star condemned to 10 years as the slave of an elderly lady from Cornwall, but it had also been one of the closest fought battles – the lead on the scoreboard had changed every week, and it was only on the very last challenge of the fourth episode that Scott had pulled ahead by two points from Pete.
As the final programme of the run started, the three lads were, as is usual, standing on plinths in their tuxedos. The plinths were at different heights to show their relative positions on the scoreboard. Normally there would be more of a gap between the heights, but this time there was hardly anything between the three lads.
"This week, any of these three lads could walk away with a fortune. The phone lines are closed, we will be introducing our `winner from home and in less than one hour he or she will be walking away with one of these gorgeous lads as their slave."
The audience in the studio went wild, and the camera moved close up on each of the lad's faces in turn. Scott looked nervous, Pete looked slightly scared, and Luis's face, as it had throughout the run, betrayed no emotion whatsoever.
A look back on the previous few weeks was shown next – the audience were reminded of Scott dropping a ball in the agility round which cost him 10 points, Luis beating the other two lads in the logic round to everyone's amazement, the tie in the general knowledge round (the first time a three way tie had been seen), and the look of grim determination on Pete's face as he lifted more weight than the other two to get back into second place in the previous week.
As always, a pre-recorded piece followed, with Lionel interviewing the three lads and their friends and families talking about the challenges, their hopes, fears and ambitions. All the families expressed the usual hope that their lad would not be the loser – no-one wanted their mate to end up as a slave!
Their followed an ad break devoted to the show's sponsor, Smith and Jones Slave dealership. Alan Smith himself, the owner of the dealership, showed viewers round their holding area to see the slaves currently available for sale. As it was a lads run of The Challenge, all the slaves shown were also lads. Four lads between 19 and 40 were shown, naked and collared, all available for bids as soon as The Challenge finished. Anyone who had placed a vote on the programme (if you called in, you allowed your number to be recorded and passed on) would be entitled to 20% off the price of the slave if their bid were to be successful in the auction which would close an hour after the programme.
Back to The Challenge, and Lionel was about to introduce the `winner from home'.
"So, lads, you're about to meet the person – or is it people? – who will be one of your owners within the next 25 minutes!
"We've had the highest number of calls for a very long time and, just to show that our winner from home is selected completely at random, this week's winner called once and that just 10 minutes before the lines closed last week!
"Let's not waste any more time."
Lionel gestured to a pair of doors at the back of the set,
"Ladies and gentlemen, our winners from home!"
The doors opened to reveal two young men in their late twenties,
"Ivan and Samuel from Crediton!"
The two young men joined Lionel on the sofa. They were a gay couple from Devon, who had been together for 6 years. Ivan said that he had called in on a whim, they always watched The Challenge, but had never been in a position to own a slave up until that week – they'd just bought their first house and now had room for a slave.
"How do you plan to use your slave, then, boys?" Lionel asked,
"Well, Lionel," Ivan answered, "we're both very busy at work, so we could really do with a slave to do the housework, the garden and everything else we can't be bothered doing ourselves!"
"And do you lads have a preference for which of our lads you'd like to be your new house slave?"
"Not really, Lionel," Samuel said, "Ivan has a soft spot for Luis, whereas I think Scott looks the most likely candidate."
"Ah, poor Pete, if he were to be our loser today, does that mean you'll be taking a trip down to Smith and Jones to trade him in?" Lionel winked at the audience as he asked the question.
"Oh no, we'd be just as happy with him, wouldn't we, Samuel?"
"Definitely, it's not that we don't like him – I'm sure he'd look just as good scrubbing our floors."
"How do you plan to uniform your new slave, then, boys?"
"As soon as we discovered we'd won, we spoke to a few friends who either own slaves themselves, and Samuel spoke to the HR department at his work where they have loads of slaves employed as cleaners and the like. Everyone said that it was easier, cheaper and more suitable for the slave if we just keep him naked."
"Yes," Samuel agreed, "My mate in HR said that for no other reason, keeping the slave naked is one of the best ways to remind him of his proper place – even in slave uniforms he reckons, slaves can forget their place. But free people would never walk around naked all the time, so the slave remembers what he is"
"Quite right," Lionel agreed, "The best uniform for a slave, in my opinion, is no uniform. And do you plan on disciplining your slave?"
"All slaves need discipline," Ivan said, "That's clear from everything we've seen. Let's face it, we've all seen slaves with bright red bottoms – it's almost part of the uniform!"
"That sounds great, doesn't it, lads?" Lionel said, turning to the three lads still standing on their podiums, "One of you is soon going to be stripped off and sore!"
He turned back to the camera,
"And, ladies and gentlemen here in the studio and all of you at home, we'll be finding out who that is going to be right after this next ad break." He turned back to Ivan and Samuel, "Boys, will you spank your slave here on this sofa for us before you take him home?"
The two winners looked at each other, and big smiles broke out on both their faces,
"We'd be only too happy to do, so Lionel!" Ivan chuckled.
And on that, the ads came back on. More ordinary ads this time, for soap powder, oven chips and the latest American blockbuster film. The producers charged the most for these ads of any on English TV – more people tuned in to see who would be enslaved than watched the top-rated soap and that made these ads the most valuable on TV every week.
After 3 minutes of banality, "The Challenge" returned, with a shot of the three lads, still on their podiums. And Lionel Peel saying,
"In just 5 minutes or so, one of these lads will be a millionaire. One will be appreciably wealthier than he is now. And one will be officially enslaved and the property of our lucky winners from home!"
The camera turned to show Lionel sitting at the desk where he always announced the results, to one side of the podiums.
"Just in case you're a new viewer, this is what will happen next. I will press this button," gesturing to a green button on his right on the desk, "and the podiums on which our lads are standing will move and one will stop on the floor. That will be this week's winner. I'll announce the proportion of the vote he received and his prize money, and present the cheque. Then the marshall will enter with the enslavement contract – sadly, you won't be able to see it, but I will. It will have been already notarised, enslaving our loser for ten years and formally contracting him to ownership by our winners from home. All that will be needed is my signature on the bottom and that lad will be legally a slave. I will then press this button," and he gestured to a red button on the left arm of the desk, "and the remaining podiums will move again. This time, whichever podium ends up on the floor will contain our new slave. I will formally announce the slavery contract, and then, well, and then you'll see...!" Lionel winked again and smiled broadly.
"Well, there's no time like the present. So here goes!"
Lionel leant forward and pressed the green button. The podiums moved up and down, the audience gasped at one point when Scott's podium touched the floor, but it rose up again. After a few moments of slow movement of podiums and lads, there was a blackout, a klaxon sounded, the lights came back on and Luis' podium was on the floor, with Scott and Pete back at the level they'd started at.
The audience went wild and, for the first time in weeks, Luis smiled broadly.
"We have a winner, folks!" Lionel called over the applause, "With 38% of these week's vote, our winner is Luis!! Come over here, Luis," and he pointed to a chair the far side of the desk from the podiums."
Looking more relieved than it seemed possible for someone to be, Luis walked slowly over to the chair, sweat glistening on his brow.
Lionel announced that they had received 22, 457,351 calls that week overall, meaning that Luis was now £22,457,351 better off. A huge sum of money, as Lionel pointed out. And, looking at the two lads left, let them know that one of them would soon be almost a quarter of a million pounds better off, whilst the other would be a slave.
Lionel handed Luis a cheque and chatted to him for a few minutes about what he was going to spend his money on, before talking again to Ivan and Samuel. Ivan admitted to being disappointed that Luis had won, but that either of the two remaining lads would make a great slave.
"We're about to find out who that will be. Marshall, the documents?"
A tall, handsome, well-built man in uniform came through the doors, carrying a document folder and a pen. He walked over to the desk put them down in front of Lionel. Opening the folder, Lionel read the paper inside, smiled, clicked the pen and signed it with a flourish.
"Our loser is now legally a slave. It is time we discovered which of our remaining lads that is, and which of them is our runner-up for whom I have here a nice fat cheque!" And so saying, he pressed the green button.
The lights dimmed until only two spotlights appeared on Scott and Pete. The podiums started moving and there was silence in the studio until, as before, a sudden blackout and a klaxon. A flash of pyrotechnics and through the darkness came Lionel's voice:
"And this week's loser, with only 29% of the public vote and 75 points overall, is SCOTT!"
As always, the audience was silent for a moment, before catcalls and whistling broke out. The camera was in full close up on Scott's stricken face, as a spotlight snapped onto him. The lights came back on, revealing Scott's podium on the floor and the Marshall behind him. The Marshall took tight hold with one hand of the back of Scott's jacket, and with the other hand, the back of Scott's trousers. He pulled, and the specially made suit ripped down the front and, before Scott could react, he was standing naked apart from a pair of black socks and shiny black shoes. In one swift move, the Marshall Pulled Scott's hands behind his back before he could cover himself...