The Deepest Cut

3 The Deepest Cut

The radio interview was all football, I answered all the guy's questions and took some calls but I was dead tired. All I could think of is how lonely and empty Jay would be overnight, and I so wanted to hold him, to make everything right. Next was a visit to my accountant he took the relevant paperwork and said to leave it to him. I thought about buying Jay a second hand car but I think he won't appreciate it. I then rang him to let him know what I had done and he was so grateful.

I asked if he wanted some company tonight after the club but he said he would rather be alone. In all honesty I wouldn't sleep if I spent a moment with him, I'm too hooked.

Training was full on, there was no Jay today and when I asked the coach he said family matters; it never dawned on me he would take some time off to greave. I'm such an insensitive, fucking idiot. I tried to find out for how long but he was tight lipped about it. I guess I will have to ask him.

"Did you hear what happened to Jay yesterday?" I looked up at John.

"What have you heard?"

"They turned the machines off on his mate; the guy who was in that accident with him."

"Yeah I went with him." I suppose I shouldn't have said that but John knowing everything pissed me off.

"That was a nice thing to do Ben, thank you." I screwed my face up and said,

"Sure."

What is it with him always poking his nose into people's business. I suppose I'm being too hard but buggered if I know how he knew.

I was exhausted by the time we finished and when I hit the showers that hot water relaxed my muscles perfectly, it will be an early night tonight, thank God.

Bangers and mash dripping with gravy was my menu tonight and as I reflected on Jay and thinking about Pete. I allowed myself to have a small pity party while I ate. After washing up I crawled into bed with my hands between my legs and my head turned towards one of the photos Jay had given me. I had found a cool frame downtown and I wanted to have it enlarged but for now I can't live without it. My hand slowly caressed my hard dick and I gently moved my hips back and forth while looking at Jay's body in those tights. It was swift and awesome as I dreamed of pumping his ass full of my sperm. Sleep wasn't too far away and before I could clean up I was far off in the land of nod.

No Jay again today. I was missing his smile terribly so I made a decision. Rather than ringing I would just go to his place and see him, maybe try and get him to come out for dinner or something. I cleaned up and threw on some sweats and a tank. I had shaved and my full lips were on show again. My hair was a disaster, I could never find a style to suit me so I opted for the army look and it made me look mean; maybe next time not so much off.

Knocking on Jay's door I was met by a red eyed boy who looked surprised but pleased to see me. When he asked me in I stopped in my tracks, John was there. He had popped in to see how Jay was bearing up. I had coffee and through a lot of small talk I came to the conclusion John was making a play for Jay; it was subtle but I noticed it. He was there to console him and I wanted to put the brakes on his plans for a night in the sack, my stomach dropped.

I was going to ask Jay to come to dinner with me but luckily I held my big mouth.

"John has just asked me to go eat Ben, why don't we make it a threesome." Over my dead body I thought.

John looked from under his thick eyebrows and said,

"Sure Ben, come along we are only going down the road."

I thought twice about it then said,

"Na I think I had better get on home. I just thought I would pop in and see how things are but you're okay and I have things to do that can't wait so I have to bid you both goodnight."

"Ben stay and come with us." I was now stewing and felt like a spoilt brat inside but trying my utmost to be as cool as I could.

"It's okay Jay, I just wanted to see if you were okay that's all. John see you tomorrow and Jay see you when I see you." I was shown to the door and my private dancer closed it gently behind me. I was as mad as hell, how dare he weasel his way into Jay's life, he's only there for a quick fuck. I didn't get the vibe that he loved him like I did, fucking asshole.

I got some Chinese take away and sat on my balcony, it tasted bland so I put it aside while I thought of Jay and John being together. It really didn't dawn on me he might have a thing for him but I knew Jay was dancing later tonight at the club so I made my mind to go watch him. I dollied myself up and looked smashing, all muscle and attitude. When I got there I was late and Jay was already doing his routine. I almost rolled a few guys to get to my seat on the edge of the stage and one guess who was there, fucking John and by the way Jay was staring at him and smiling, I am bloody history.

I turned and went back to the bar, I got a little drunk and by the time I realized I had done the wrong thing my dick was pumping a load down some guy's throat in the dunnies. It was a sweet release and well over due, the guy was okay and willing so I took advantage of the situation. I think he choked on my sperm because I heard a lot of coughing as I left him hanging in the stall then walked through the club to wander home alone.

At training John was doing a lot of smiling, I avoided him but to my surprise Jay had turned up and a few of the guys talked to him and gave him man hugs. I watched as George gave me a leg massage. No stiff today, I shouldn't put myself through it, last night I decided to put a lid on it, my dancer is only a fantasy, a sweet fantasy.

When George had finished Jay nodded and I returned the greeting then dragged my shorts over my thick thighs and went out to the oval to do laps. I, like everyone else, do a lot of thinking when I'm jogging around and today my thoughts were on the guy that blew me. I was being mean not to return the favor to him but maybe if I go to the club tonight I could make up for it; if I could remember what he looked like. I was chuckling to myself when I noticed Jay running beside me, seems he had snuck up.

"You should have stayed last night Ben, we had a good time." He smiled, I grunted.

"He's just a friend Ben and that's the first time he's called in. As a matter of fact he's the first person to ever call in besides you." I grunted again.

"Your cheque will be ready soon," I grunted out yet a third time.

"What cheque?"

"The car."

"Really, my God thank you Ben." He smiled.

"That's okay, did he enjoy the show?" I said, digging that hole deeper.

"Who?"

"John at the club, did he enjoy it?"

"I suppose so Ben but..."

I sped up before he added to his answer just to get him off my back then headed for the group of guys that were doing handballing, leaving Jay to run on his own or is he? I didn't turn around to look.

I didn't bother showering, I just wanted to leave before the guys came in, so I jumped in the car and drove home. I knew exactly what I was going to do as soon as I walked in the door. The couch and cushion were at the ready and so were my tears. The knocking on my door brought me back as I wiped my eyes, then rubbed them because they were itchy.

"Jay."

"Hello Ben, can I come in?"

"Sure." I showed him through to the kitchen and offered him coffee.

"This is a nice place Ben, how long have you been here?"

"About three years, it does the job." I handed him a cup.

"Thanks for the coffee mate." He looked at me and I'm sure he noticed my eyes.

"Itchy eyes." I blushed.

"Yeah I get that a lot lately." He put the cup to his pouty lips and sipped.

"Ben I hope I didn't read you wrong when I said I saw the softer side to you."

"I umm, well I wasn't feeling myself today, I'm sorry."

"Ben I have just lost my lover and it hurts every second of everyday, you have lost yours in a different way, I have to come to terms with my demons and so do you."

"What do you mean Jay?"

"You need a fuck, I need a lover and you're still sore because you were dumped, I'm still hurting, my lover died."

"What do you mean?" I asked because I didn't understand what he was talking about.

"Ben I like you, I like you a lot. Six months ago I wouldn't have given you a second glance, well maybe I would have, but what I'm saying is; I like you a hell of a lot so if I try to talk to you it's not that I am killing time, I genuinely want to talk to you. It's hard for me to think of moving on at the moment but if I was to wake up in a warm bed next to someone it would be you that I wish would be there with me."

"And me, oh God I want that so much." Letting my guard down, I slipped.

"Ben I think you want company, I think you're trying to move on but can't see beyond the bed. I think at the moment your dick is ruling your brain and you are maybe a little obsessed with me." I went to talk but he held his hand up.

"Can you get to know me a bit better before you take me to bed to fuck me?"

"Jay I am sorry, I have apologized twice now can we move it on?"

"No Ben not until you start talking to me properly and with a bit of respect. I don't fucking grunt at you mate or run off without saying a word."

I felt awful; this conversation is doing my brain in.

"Pete destroyed you, he took away your ability to love anyone else. Can you bury him and look at me instead; I'm here for the taking Ben I really, really like you."

"Sorry Jay but at first I wanted to fuck you, my God who wouldn't want to do that? Then I wanted to hold you, now I want to kick John's ass so hard for wanting you too. I thought you might have slept with him the other night but I can see you now. I see someone really important to my life and me. I love you Jay and I think you probably love me, and I'm willing to give you as much freedom and time to come to terms with your loss, as long as you promise me I'm not a rebound."

"Now that's the word I wanted to hear, rebound Ben, I don't want to be your go to rebound guy. I want to make really sure if something starts with another guy then it's the guy I want not his dick. I just don't want to be someone's current screw, I want to be their lover in every way." My God he's right and that's exactly what I didn't have in my life and what I still yearn for, he's so smart my boy.

"Where's your bathroom, tonight you get a taste of what's on offer?" I didn't know what he meant until he came back.

He had his black jock strap on and I nearly fainted as the blood rushed to every G spot in my body.

"Jay, I have to say this, you're so fucking beautiful you're driving me crazy."

"Like me for what I am not what I look like Ben, look beyond the body." He smiled.

He started dancing, no music he danced for me, his long legs stretched every muscle in his body as he twisted and turned. I know there was a story in it somewhere but I was too busy trying to get a look at his ass. I know, I know but fuck me he drove me nuts.

When he finished he straddled my knees and kissed me deeply and my stomach muscles tightened and I sort of hyperventilated into his mouth, making choking sounds because I was shaking all over. I almost had cum in my shorts and I know he had an erection because it was rubbing on my stomach. I don't know if he felt a big fat surprise rubbing on his ass but it was there and at attention and from what I'm feeling we are about the same size.

"There that's a good start.' His head rested on my forehead as he looked deeply in my eyes.

"You're awesome, thank you, thank you for choosing me and thank you for your beautiful friendship." I blushed but I had to say it.

"I love you so much Jay," I whispered.

"I can't say it Ben because it feels like I'm cheating, something I have never ever done but I will say seeing you makes me happy inside. Could you cope with me staying the night, no fucking though?"

"Yes Jay, please stay with me." I kissed him again then he lifted my tank over my head and I heard him say,

"Wow," as his gentle hands moved over my chest.

Slipping my shorts down my erection poked up and he commented on my size before he touched me there.

"Please stop Jay, I can't be held responsible for what comes next."

"I need to be held Ben so much, I want you to hold me and I want to hold you too." He kissed me again and I had a good feel of his ample cock and firm bum, they were awesome. I pulled him into bed and we held each other, he was the one that rubbed his goods with mine as we kissed and after a few minutes we both spewed out a load of male juice. I wanted to lap it up but he smiled and said,

"Now that's out of the way, can we get some sleep?" He went to sleep with me gently kissing his beautiful face.

I don't remember going to sleep but I remember waking up next to the most beautiful man in the world.

His eyes slowly opened as I kissed his lips. I thought I would get one in before he woke; he smiled and put his hand on the back of my neck then kissed me deeply.

"Good morning Ben did you sleep well?"

"Oh yes thank you, did you?"

`Yeah it was very nice, for a minute I didn't want to wake up but someone I like a lot kissed me," he dreamily said.

"Well there's more if you want them."

"Yes please."

I leaned in and started my tirade of kisses being careful to pull my teeth back so he got the softest ones I could give him. He sighed as his hand cupped my ass and squeezed it.

"You are an amazing kisser," he moaned.

"Gentle, not so rough, works for me." And it did, I can't stand that feeling of smashing teeth together or the guy wanting to put his whole mouth over my face, yuk.

Jay's were the best, softest pillow like lips I had kissed in a long time and I didn't want to stop.

As we kissed I had moved over and had almost climbed on top of him, he pushed me sideways whispering the words I didn't want to hear,

"Toilet, got to go." He smiled, his teeth glistening in the morning light.

"Coffee?" He said as he took his perfect buns to the toilet.

"Coming up."

I took my rather large frame with my rather large cock protruding from the slit in my boxers to the kitchen. I was disappointed when Jay came out in his sweats and top, I wanted him to stay in his strap. But I get it, I really get it, he's still grieving and I'm still trying to get back at Pete. I thought about it this morning and for all his weaknesses he really didn't love me. I can only hope Jay learns to love me because we want the same thing, stability and someone to hold.

"What are you up to today Ben?"

"Going to my accountants for awhile but after that I'm free, you?"

"I have rehearsals all afternoon so I am going to be stuffed tonight."

"Do you want to come here for dinner?"

"Thank you I would like that a lot Ben."

"How's home made beef pie sound?"

"Great, sounds like you can cook?"

"A little, my mum taught me so I retained the recipes I like but lost the others. Now would you go for a ham, cheese and egg croissant for breakfast?"

"Wonderful."

His eyes watched me slide around the kitchen making him his first cooked meal with me, I made sure he had plenty and he tucked in gratefully. I suppose he wouldn't be cooking much lately let alone feeling hungry.

"Are you nervous about doing Billy Elliott?"

"No Ben, well a little maybe, it's going to be a amazing production. I play the older Billy and I get to do a solo for the opening act then a duet after intermission and then right at the end I lead the whole cast in a murderous dance routine."

"Sounds awesome, how are you going to dance around training?"

"I have talked to the club and they have agreed to let me do the show and by the looks of it they don't clash anyway, my only fear is injuries."

"Well I'll try to protect you as much as possible but you know when the opposition finds out they will be riding your ass."

"They do that anyway Ben, the word is I'm off limits for the next four weeks while the show is on but that won't stop them."

"Can we talk about John?" I asked.

"Sure Ben, I know you think he's trying it on with me but you're wrong. John's just trying to be nice and he means no harm. We went for dinner then the club; he was going there anyway. He told me you knew he was gay and he wants you to be his friend too. Can you just try to get along with him?" He smiled and I wanted to groan because I disagreed with him. I think John has the hots for Jay but I will file that away. He noticed my hands making fists and placed his beautiful hands over them.

"For me?"

"Okay I will try." I grinned.

"And thank you for last night, I had the best sleep I've had in ages, thank you."

"We can do it every night if you want, I have to confess I slept really well too," I replied.

"Well maybe some sleepovers are in the wind for us." He leant in and kissed me so I rose to the challenge and swept him into my arms. I couldn't stand just looking at him; I had to hold him close. His smells were driving me crazy and we hadn't even showered yet. He had to get to rehearsals but we didn't shower together, my shower is too small for that anyway so I made a note to finally have my bathroom renovated.

At my accountants we discussed Jay's cheque from the car insurance. He said that they wont pay out because Jays name wasn't on the papers. I instructed him to make out a cheque for the value of the car and added two grand on to it. This would come from my own personal account. I would deliver it to him as soon as possible.

Well I suppose I had better get on with it. If Jay was to be my boyfriend, I had better start treating him like one, so I headed for the ground. I was early and this time when I started my warm ups my head was in a better place and I actually had joy in my heart. I wanted to do something about Jay's need to earn cash at the gay club but for the life of me I didn't have a clue what to do.

My senses told me not to interfere and my gut feeling said he wouldn't appreciate it anyway.

The boys started to arrive and Jay was among them.

"Did you get here early?"

"Yes I had some spare time so I thought I might do some extra stuff. I picked up your insurance cheque by the way it's in my car."

"Boy that was quick, I thought I would have to wait weeks for it, that is if I ever got it at all."

"Does it mean you can give up the club now?"

"No Ben, maybe in about three month's time, I actually like it there. I'm left alone and I can practice my moves on stage without any hindrance."

"Oh, how much do you need?"

He looked at me with his hand on his hip and said,

"Don't ever go there Ben, I have always paid my own way. The gay club pays well and I get more from my dancing and football. Justin had expensive tastes I didn't know about. It's my fault and I will get there in the end so maybe I will let you take me out to dinner sometime. I know what you are thinking too, all those guys ogling me at the club but it doesn't do a thing for me. I am there to look sexy and to do a good show, so please tell me you're not the heavy, jealous type because if you are I will give it up but I won't like it."

I blushed because I used to get awfully jealous of Pete, but I have to admit he caused it deliberately. With Jay he's not dancing for fucks, he's professional and I kind of like

knowing I get to take him home; maybe protect him, maybe be his bodyguard. Who the fuck am I fooling? I am going to turn up at the club and make sure he's safe while he does his thing, yeah that's what I'm going to do.

"It's okay Jay I know your professional, I wouldn't even be talking to you if you weren't." I grinned.

"That's better." He grinned back.

We trained like there was no tomorrow and I was pretty stuffed when I hit the showers. Jay was waiting his turn but John was flashing his cock to anyone that wanted to take a sly look. He was well built but somehow he didn't seem in proportion. His chest was all wrong, flat as a tack and no obvious muscle tone, kind of weird I chuckled to myself.

As I dried I couldn't look over to the showers after Jay had jumped in as soon as I got out. I dressed and grabbed my bag and as I passed Jay I said I would meet him in the car park, he nodded and I groaned at John as I walked by, well actually I didn't groan I grunted, there's a difference.

Waiting behind the wheel I saw him glide towards me, he glided like a cat. I smiled, he opened the door and I so wanted to kiss him but settled for the calm feeling he gave me when he squeezed my hand.

Driving to my place I fumbled in my driver's side door pocket and found the envelope, I passed it to Jay who opened it.

"Jesus, that much?"

"That's what it's worth Jay."

"I didn't think it was worth much at all, boy what a bonus, wow." It was good to see him smiling. I turned into my drive and killed the engine, leaning over I put my hand under his chin and moved his head my way then leant in and kissed him.

"I've been dying to do that all day, hello sweet thing."

"Umm hi, can we do that again?"

"Sure."

We kissed for ten minutes in the car, he was in a lighter mood and I wanted to continue down his neck and chest but held off because that's not what he wants, I think.

"These are delicious Ben, thank you for making them, they're awesome," he was talking about my chunky beef pies. I won't tell him how easy they are to make. Dinner was a hit and I made coffee for us both while we sat in front of the TV. It was small talk and game shows until he laid down with his head on my lap looking up into my eyes. His legs draped over the armrest, I had my right hand on his stomach and my left was stroking his hair.

I so wanted to bend down and kiss him again but the position wasn't right. Moving my right hand up to his mouth I smoothed my finger around his beautiful lips making an outline then coloring them in. I moaned as he took my finger into his mouth and gently sucked on it. My god I'm in for it now, I was instantly hard as a rock but he stopped and turned his head away pretending to watch something on the screen. I know he was just as sexed up as me but he must have thought about something in the past and it's made him sad again. I let it slide then asked him what time he had to be at the club and he replied by ten thirty so he can warm up.

"I don't want you to dance at the club anymore Jay."

"I have to Ben, my director knows I dance there and it's considered a rehearsal. I don't have to go to the theatre every day only for the group rehearsals. He's been to the club and is happy with my exercise so cuts me some slack during the day. It's complicated Ben but it works well for me and my footy," he explained.

I let that slide too but I still didn't like it one little bit.

I was lucky in one way, I get to see him more often but I really do hate sharing. Maybe it will all settle down when his play is finished. He went to shower and again I noted I must get it renovated.

`What are you wearing tonight Jay?"

"Just my black shorts and a mask of course, nothing too flashy." He grinned, I seethed; I dropped him at the stage entry then parked the car. I didn't ask him where he was staying tonight as he disappeared into the club. I sat for awhile listening to the thump, thump music and thought of fifty different ways to get him to move into my place. Maybe he will have second thoughts about dancing at the club if he's living with me. I noticed some queens arriving and two in particular caught my eye but in a different way, they made my blood boil actually. It was Pete and Chris with some mates out on the town, great that's all I need, my ex perving on my current, well my current friend that is.

I gave them ten minutes to clear the bar then slowly made my way around to my usual seat Jay's show will be on soon and then he's all mine. I made sure I knew where Pete was as I didn't want to run into them tonight and if the guy that's just sat down next to me doesn't take his hand off my knee he's going to lose it very quickly. I lifted it up and placed it on the stage then went back to my waiting; I was hoping it wasn't the guy that blew me the other night.

I was in a sort of half dream when his music started, it was the pole tonight and he was awesome even more so when he smiled at me watching him.

"Can I buy you a drink?" I heard shouted in my ear, I didn't look around but said,

"No you can't." I fucking knew that voice.

"That's sad Ben, not like you to knock back a freebie."

I turned my head around of course it was Pete with Chris smirking behind him.

I nodded then went back to watching my boy who by now had worked the crowd into a frenzy with his fantastic work.

"So you're not talking at all?"

"Not really, I'm busy watching the show, be quiet."

"Cute dancer Ben, got the hot's for him have we?" Chris decided to get in on the act.

I didn't answer, just kept my eyes on my boy.

"Pete and I had a threesome with him a few weeks back, he's fucking gorgeous." I looked at Pete and if it weren't for Jay being no more than eight feet away I would have punched Chris into next week.

"Your still full of shit Chris so keep tossing yourself off believing that one."

"We did Ben, maybe you can join us next time?" smarmy assed Pete chirped up and said.

I stood and drew myself up looking down at both of them then shook my head and walked off but not before I said to Pete,

"He's fucking pathetic,what the hell do you see in him?"

Jay's show was about to finish and before I punched those cunts lights out I had to get to the back door area.

I waited fifteen minutes then my boy walked out with his bag over his shoulder and I was back to reality again, he kissed my cheek and said,

"What was going on over there Ben, do you know those guys?"

"Nothing much Jay just some idiots I once knew." He could tell I was down as I opened the doors, he chucked his bag in the back and when I went to start the car I felt his hand over mine, he took the keys from me.

"Now tell me what happened." My head flopped back on the seat and I looked at him sideways, I wanted to kiss him. It would take me awhile to make up a lie but I thought better of it.

"They said you had a threesome with them a few weeks back."

"Oh wow is that all, I hope I enjoyed it?" He laughed.

I smiled because even I didn't believe it one bit but just the thought of it made me want to murder them.

He sat and kept moving his leg back and forth and I was watching just in case his balls popped out of his shorts, but no perve tonight.

"That was Pete wasn't it and the other guy I'm guessing was Chris?" He was looking into me now.

"Yes," was all I groaned out.

"Good, now I know the enemy, I will stay away from their corner in the future."

"When Chris said it I got mad but I also wanted you to come over and own me, just to wipe the smirks off their faces. I'm fucked if I know why I loved Pete, I can see why he left me, he's just another part of the gay crowd which is something I never got into much. I'm glad I ran into them tonight, I can close that chapter down now."

"Do you want me to stay the night?"

"Oh yes please, I've got to get some sleep and I slept really well last night."

"Me too." He leaned in taking the lead and he kissed me then handed the keys back to me.

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