The Deepest Cut

5 The deepest cut

He played with my nipples and licked my armpits until I got up to put the kettle on then I heard the shower going and wondered if I could fit in it with him for the umpteenth time.

While looking out the kitchen window, still feeling his vice grip on my cock I thought I had hit the jackpot with Jay, he's everything I ever wanted in life. An arm went around my waist and I felt warm, his body was naked and he was teasing my ear with his tongue, I could have stood like that all day.

"Was it good?"

"Oh yeah it was more than good, it is everything I have dreamed you would be like so I thank you once more for giving it to me."

He licked my neck and ran his thumb up my crack then whispered,

"I can't wait to make love to you."

"Anytime Jay, you can have me anytime." I really didn't want to do it but he was so generous in his giving I felt I had to do the same.

"Liar," he said.

"What?"

"Liar, you don't like it at all, oh maybe you would let me every now and then, but I know you don't like it."

"How do you know that?"

"Because your cheeks are about to snap in two, your muscles must be working overtime holding them so tightly." He was right, I had flinched when he hit my hole with his thumb, it's a reaction I wish I hadn't done but it outed me as a top.

"Well you can try Jay, I don't mind so long as you make love to me gently."

"Maybe tomorrow, or the day after." He turned me around and kissed and licked me down to my pubes then he gave me amazing head, I cried out when I came, I didn't know what else to do it was so intense.

Jay had to go to the theatre and I wanted to go and see his show again but had no ticket. I will book one for the closing night and in the meantime I decided to make it easy for him and give him the keys to my car, I said I would be waiting up for him. After many kisses he closed the door and I heard my car start up then drive up the street, I felt loss and wanted to run after him but our day of love making has made me tired so I chilled in front of the TV. My head dropping onto my chest it wasn't long before I was sleeping peacefully.

It was the key in the door that woke me, Jay was home early, what's the time, shit I slept for four hours straight. He bent over the sofa and kissed me so I pulled him down on top of me, I wanted a proper kiss and I got one too, well maybe a few.

"How was it?"

"Good, a sellout with standing ovations, it was just awesome."

"You want some dinner? I cooked but it will keep."

"No maybe for lunch tomorrow but you can do something for me." "What's that baby?"

"A shoulder massage," he replied with a grin.

We almost ran into the bedroom and by the time I had the oil Jay was stark naked and face down on the bed, my jaw dropped then my underwear hit the floor.

We turned up for training to a good rousing back slapping, hugging welcome for Jay and he was blushing when the guys wanted a free show. Jay declined citing he had to look after his legs and dancing on the turf wasn't the best. John was talking to him for a while and I detected an argument starting, well Jay didn't look too happy when John walked away.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothing Ben."

"What's up?" I pushed.

"Ben nothing really, let's go." He took off running and today it was my turn to follow him and the pack but his ass was the furthest thing from my mind. It was a grueling day, I was stuffed by the time we got in and Jay only had two hours to get himself to the theatre. I amused myself by reading the critic's page in the paper, plenty of accolades for Jay and the other actors plus the show looks like it is going to be extended.

Jay has training, his show and the club to do and tonight it's the show and the club so he's going to be well and truly stuffed by the time he gets home. I really want him to chuck the club in but he was adamant. He came out from the shower looking like a million dollars then sat at the table while I dished him up something to eat.

"Jay can I ask you again to give up the club, it's got to be so hard for you now especially when they are thinking about extending the show?"

"I can't Ben, I have rent to pay as well as a hospital bill, the car money went a long way to get me cleared of the hospital but unfortunately the credit cards are full too." He looked like he was sick of thinking about it.

"Okay buddy but your moving in here, no rent just the out goings, how much notice do you have to give on the flat?"

"A month Ben but I can't take advantage of you like that, it's not fair."

I picked up a tissue and wiped his mouth as he had spaghetti sauce all over it, then I kissed him.

"Jay I own this place so I don't pay rent, just go me halves in food and the utilities as your almost living here anyway. I am not rich but I have some money invested and together we can get you back on track, angel I love you dearly so please let me spoil you for a change, do this for us will you?"

He thought about it for a while then got a pen and paper out of his bag. He was adding things up and I detected a smile.

"When do you want me to quit the club?"

"Tonight, ring them now and quit."

"I can't do that because they have been so good to me, I have to at least work until Saturday night Ben, it's not in my nature to let people down." He looked me in the eye.

"Well only until Saturday and tomorrow we can start packing your flat up."

"Okay and thank you."

And in the next breath he said,

"Ben what if we don't work out for some reason?"

"Not going to happen angel, not in a million years would I ever let that happen to us." I kissed him again and knew he was smiling inside.

He took my car again and as a matter of fact I would give it to him if I knew he would take it, I will walk to the club to catch his show tonight then drive us home. I potted around the apartment making room for his stuff, throwing some of my old stuff out and cleaning the bathroom, must get that shower done. I spiffed myself up and headed for the club at ten thirty, I should get there before Jay does but that doesn't matter, I can walk slowly. It was full tonight, almost standing room only but the seats that were vacant were at tables with at least two queens sitting at them.

I didn't feel like being sociable to them and my regular seat was taken so I leaned on the bar watching the dancers in their various states of undress and doing their versions of bump and grind. The show was a little late tonight but Jay was as beautiful as ever and he was on his pole again but a different dance, I noticed he was looking into the crowd and had left the pole to dance his own thing from each side of the stage. It never occurred to me he was looking for me in the audience and he slithered back up that pole like a pro. I had moved closer but couldn't get within thirty feet of it because the crowd was too thick. I tried waving but then realized the spotlight would stop him seeing too far into the crowd.

He finished and I moved to go out the back and wait for him but someone grabbed me and kissed me full on the lips, I reeled back thinking who do I have to smack in the chops now? Fucking Pete, who else? He looked good but not as good as my angel, I shoved him hard, grunted and walked out the door.

Waiting for Jay was a nightmare, I was getting cold and he was taking an awfully long time but finally he emerged looking tired as hell.

"Did you just arrive?"

"No I was inside but couldn't get to the front, there were too many punters in there." I kissed his lips and rubbed his arms.

"I was looking for you but couldn't see you anywhere."

"I saw you looking for something but I didn't think it was for me but I was there angel, can we go home before you get a chill?"

"Of course Ben, sorry I was a bit held up, I gave notice to Bruce the manager and he wasn't impressed but agreed to let me go. He really doesn't have a say in it anyway, there's no contract." He handed me the car keys and we climbed in.

"What did you do when I left?"

"I cleaned out the closet and made space for your things, how was tonight?"

"Wonderful, full house again, the word got around that there's a hot footballer in the show that can actually dance." He laughed.

"Well I think they are a lot of perverts, your theatre fans that is." I smirked.

"And you're not?"

"Of course not, I love you so I'm allowed to perve."

I turned into our drive and parked before taking Jay in my arms and kissing him gently.

"I missed you."

"Me too baby, did you cook?"

"Yes."

"Can we eat, I feel like I haven't eaten all day?"

"Okay." My sad face arrived.

He showered while I warmed the dinner up; it looks like a really late night again. After we had eaten we took it to the bedroom, Jay said he was a little sore so I played with him anyway, sorry about that finger in your ass Jay it just slipped in by mistake! We settled in to have a good night's sleep until I remembered something.

"What was that all about with John?"

"Ben, he was mad that I'm seeing you."

"And why would he be mad Jay as if I don't know?" I seethed inside, if that fucker comes anywhere near Jay I will kill him.

"Ben, I know what's going on in your mind and you can forget it, I know that he and Kevin share their men and at one stage they were after Jus and me to join them but it was ages ago. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I didn't want to make things worse. We met them briefly at a gay party he chased Justin around all night while Kevin tried to chat me up. He's heard I'm with you and he's not happy I am moving in, I think they were expecting me to move in with them."

"Jay did you tell him we were together?"

"No Ben, he guessed that part but I did say to leave me alone and I was moving on with you. I wasn't quite honest with you the night you called in, I was shit scared John had landed on my doorstep even though I can look after myself I really didn't want to have to. He was a perfect dinner guest but I wished to God you had come with us." He was upset now so I let it go.

I didn't make love to Jay the way he wanted me to, I licked, rimmed and kissed his privates back and front then finished him off with a head job called edging. I took my time getting him off; he was all over the bed and was putty in my hands when I had finally finished him off. His eyes glassed over and I had to nuzzle into his chest, I went to sleep sucking on his beautiful erect nipple.

I was woken during the night by a car roaring up the street so I thought I would empty my bag while I was at it. I banged my toe on the bed leg then caught my foot in Jay's carry bag and landed head first into the wardrobe door, which duly cracked almost in two. The pain was tolerable and got a lot better when I rubbed my foot, my head wasn't bleeding but I still needed to go to the toilet. What upset me more was Jay sitting up in bed laughing his ass off, it was so hurtful.

As I pissed I thought about something and when I got back into bed I put it to a giggling Jay.

"Can you help me with something Jay?"

His hand landed on my crutch and he replied,

"I did earlier but if you want more I'm up for it."

"No not that, well maybe that but I want to renovate the bathroom and now the door on the wardrobe is fucked I might install another one, can you help me design a new bathroom?"

"Sure I can, firstly you need a bigger shower recess, maybe toss the bath out and make it a double one. The wardrobe only needs new sliding doors, mirrored I think." He had a slight smile on his face.

"Okay that sounds good to me, I had better get a plumber in first I think."

"Yes a plumber, maybe we can take a trip to the Bunnings hardware store, they design and install new bathrooms and it's all there also. I believe they are reasonably priced."

"Okay I'll take some photos and show them."

"I will help you pay for it," he said.

"No you won't, this is something I have money put aside for so it's already paid for."

"Oh touchy?"

"Not touchy, it's just that I have been putting money aside for it for ages now, you moving in has just made me actually do something about it that's all."

"Okay," I heard and he was smiling.

He threw his leg over my stomach and rubbed his ample goods on my thigh, I think he wants to go again.

He pulled off my dick at three in the morning and I couldn't move, I didn't know whether I was tired or fucked, either way I felt mighty good inside. Jay was now on my chest sucking on my nipple and it felt so right.

I cooked my angel scrambled eggs for breakfast and plenty of toast and his eyes lit up as I poured a mushroom sauce over them.

"What are we going to do about John?"

"I don't know Ben, I just don't want you to get into a confrontation with him, he's a team mate and anything we do effects the team so I suggest we just ignore it."

"Well I thought long and hard about it early this morning and I trust you to do what you feel is right, but any time you feel threatened you come to me, do we have a deal?"

He looked at me in shock then he nodded his head.

I leaned over and kissed him.

"Marry me?" I asked.

"What! Ben no!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's too soon, that's why."

"Oh, then when you want to say yes can you let me know?"

"My God okay Ben, geezers, surprise a guy why don't you?"

"Well just putting it out there, I can wait for the answer."

He lifted his legs under the table and rubbed them with mine then mouthed,

"I love you."

"I love you more," I said.

I felt the need to buy Jay a gift for our joining or engagement or something like that. I just wanted to buy him a present that's all so when he was at rehearsals today I trawled the shops at the local shopping center but nothing caught my eye. So I thought I would look another day until I spotted my goal in the window of an art gallery.

Jay's last night at the gay club went uncelebrated. I reckon all of the patrons didn't know he was leaving and the management didn't announce it. He danced beautifully and inside I was happy because I will get this time with him alone in future. Of course I ran into Pete and Chris who were now pissing me off big time, it would be good to not come here anymore, I can get a private dance at home instead.

"Ben can I come and pick up the rest of my stuff?" Pete asked.

"I'll drop it off, give me your address."

"No I'll call in Tuesday." He winked.

Oh don't even go there idiot, you're starting to piss me right off.

"Okay I will leave it outside the door and if you don't pick it up I will throw it in the big bin, it's in my way now anyway."

I walked off to get my boy home.

There's no way that Pete will ever step foot in my apartment again, his suitcase has been sitting by the door since he left. I am not completely stupid; it was a deliberate act so if it doesn't work out with Chris he could use it as an excuse to come over. I didn't tell Jay what the deal was as I thought I would just give it to him and be done with it.

"Jay if you had a choice of football or dancing which one would you choose?" I asked out of the blue while driving us home.

"I don't know Ben, that's a question I have asked myself hundreds of times in the past and I love them both. The theatre doesn't pay all that well but the footy does yet injuries are always on my mind with both jobs. Show jobs are far and few between but footy is a constant so at the moment I'm leaning towards football. But it's early days there yet because I have only just been accepted in the senior's games and at any stage I can be put back into the reserves."

I considered his answer and thought his dancing is amazing but his footy is just as good and I understood if he didn't have the footy he would be hanging around waiting for a director to call him or he would be maybe teaching his craft to up and coming dancers, what a waste that would be.

We kissed and held onto each other when we arrived inside the apartment then I opened the closet in the hall and took my gift out.

"This is an engagement, wedding present for you baby."

"What Ben, you don't have to buy me stuff, I'm quite happy to have just you in my life. What is it?" he smiled as I placed the plain wrapped object on the table.

"Go ahead."

He slowly unwrapped the bronze statue of a guy with angel wings dancing, he wasn't as sleek as my Jay but he was just as elegant, the artist got that right. Jay was blown away, he loved that statue and put it on the TV unit in pride of place, we spent the next half hour kissing and just looking at him.

"Ben don't spend your money on me please, this must have cost you a fortune."

"It didn't actually and no I'm not telling you, the lady at the shop said it would be a great investment and I think it is."

"Well thank you."

When we got to training the coach wanted to give us a talk and as usual I wasn't interested so I sat back and watched my boy from under my sunglasses. I observed every muscle and every hair he really was so gorgeous.

"Ben, what's with Jay moving in with you, don't you think it's a bit soon?" it was slimy John whispering in my ear.

"None of your business John, I've got this one."

He grunted this time but I think I had him, who knows maybe he's concerned but I doubt it.

Out on the oval we went through our training regime and Jay was kicking goals, I had better watch that one, he will take my job soon. At twenty-six I felt so old against my twenty one year old boyfriend. He was exhausted when we got to the change rooms and I noticed him sitting on his bench heaving so I went and joined him.

"Deep breaths, just calm down Jay, take deep breaths." He did but it started a coughing fit. I slapped him on the back a few times then he calmed down.

"Did you tell John to piss off?"

"No I told him to mind his own business.'

"Okay that's all right then but by the look on his face I thought you were being rude again." He laughed so much he had to go pee, and of course he laughed on the way home until I got him inside then my many kisses wiped the smile off his face. We had to quickly take some measurements and get to Bunnings, with all that lovemaking this morning I didn't have time for anymore.

"What are you moving in furniture wise Jay?"

"Well I thought my bed would go in your spare room just in case we have guests and I need to bring my bedside drawers and basically that's about it Ben. The rest can go onto the nature strip, there's plenty of government housing around my place so it won't be there long."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Ben, we didn't have all that much furniture and what we had we nicked off other nature strips." He laughed; I loved the sound of it.

At Bunnings, which is a huge hardware store we sat with the designer who put a great bathroom together for us, the bath would be moved and a double shower recess would replace the old gold framed one, the grey slate tiling would replace the brown yucky ones from the seventies. Jay had a lot of input and seemed very talented in design too.

On the way home I was thinking how he still didn't speak about Justin much to me. I wanted to know how he was feeling about it all but it's a subject I didn't want to bring up with him, I felt it would be an invasion. We called to his place and loaded the car up with boxes and mainly clothes still on the hangers then I helped him carefully wrap his photos and safely store them in a carton. He had a show tonight and on a couple of nights I have a front row seat and was looking forward to it. The theatre bosses were still in talks with the producers about extending the show, and if that was the case then Jay's understudy would do every other show to give him a break. He hadn't been used up to date but Jay assured me he was just as good a dancer as he.

Jay wanted to put some summer clothes in the spare bedroom just so he wouldn't crowd ours so I thought it a great idea and moved some of my shit too.

While I was hanging stuff next to Jay's I noticed two dark blue suits up the end, I looked at them closely and figured they were Jay's and Justin's wedding suits, my heart sank. The promises they made to each other on that day were to come to an abrupt ending but how could they see into the future, I felt sad for Justin.

"They are beautiful aren't they?"

Jay was behind me and his big arms went around my waist.

"Cody Mitchell, we had them specially designed by him, Justin's uncle Adam knew him."

"He did a superb job Jay, they are so well made, do you think you will ever wear it again?"

"No Ben, if I ever get to that stage I will have a new one made, these are only here because they cost us a small fortune and I kind of like looking at them occasionally." I could see he wasn't up for this conversation but he did put his hand into one of the coats and brought out a piece of paper.

"Justin's wedding vows, I keep them safe in his pocket."

"And yours?"

"Same." He kissed my neck but didn't open the paper, just placed it back into the jacket, he patted it then went to do some more stuff. When I got into our bedroom I could hear sobbing in the bathroom so I went in and held him, not saying a word but just being with him and letting him know he's not alone anymore. There wasn't much I could do about it except be there for him, the thing is Pete and I are both still alive but I feel differently about him nowadays and there would never be any going back, not now. To be completely honest I would swap Pete for Justin just to see Jay's happy face again. No I wouldn't, I would swap myself.

When Jay left for the theatre he looked a little better and he apologized to me for being such a sook. I assured him if and when he wanted to talk about it I would always be there for him and he wasn't a sook, he was a beautiful grieving human being.

The knock on the door arrived after Jay left and of course it was Pete so I pulled the suitcase over to the doorway and handed it to him.

"You don't even want to have coffee with me anymore?" Big mistake.

"Sorry Pete, come in." Bigger mistake.

I made coffee and we spoke small talk until I sat opposite him at the table, I was pissed he had taken Jay's chair.

"So how's things Ben?"

"Really good Pete and I see things are just great with you and Chris. I tried to find you at your old work to deliver that stuff but you had left, are you working?"

"Not at the moment, I'm taking some time off but I will start looking in a month or two. Chris wants to get out of the flat we are in so I have to help him save up." He smiled, I don't know why because he never put a red cent into this apartment, not even for food.

"Well that's life I guess, if you want stuff you have to work for it, it doesn't come cheap. I'm finally renovating the bathroom, should look nice."

"Has Jay moved in yet?"

I wasn't surprised he knew Jay's name but he probably ran into John at one of his get togethers or something.

"Yes he's at work. I've got to start sorting through some junk to have a good throw out tonight." I was trying to be pleasant but my gut feeling was this wasn't a social call.

"May I use your toilet?"

"Of course, you know the way."

He took some time but when he came back he was naked.

"Let's take this to the bedroom baby."

"Yes and you can find your clothes and then go."

"Ben I still love you, come on let's fuck for old times sake."

"No Pete, not for old times sake, go put some clothes on then please leave."

"Ben come on, you know you want to."

I stood up and looked him up and down, not a patch on my boy, then I walked into the bedroom and scooped his shit up then I marched him to the front door by the scruff of the neck. I pushed him into the hallway with his suitcase and slammed the door.

Fucking idiot, as if I would do that to Jay anyway. I would rather eat a bucket of worms than make love to him again. I was so mad I had to get out of the flat, in some small way I wanted Pete's smell gone so I donned my shorts and went for a run. The crisp air was filling my lungs and I felt a little better as I weaved in and out of traffic to get to my destination which wasn't planned, but I made it to the stage door anyway, a seven-mile run, must be doing me a lot of good exercise wise.

I waited with the other patrons, watching for Jay's appearance and he looked so buggered as he signed autographs and moved around the crowd. I walked over and took his bag off him.

"Ben what are you doing here?" his smile was beautiful.

"I felt like a run so I thought I would meet you."

He looked at me strangely but accepted my excuse, we walked to the car and I got a beautiful pash in before he started it then he drove us home.

"How was the crowd?"

"Great Ben, they really got into it tonight, Darian did my last scene and it was nice to watch him on stage, he did really well and was so pleased he could do it as his parents were in the audience."

"That's great but how are you feeling now?"

"Okay just tired, I feel like I could sleep for a week. I haven't heard if it's going to be extended yet, they are trying to shift another play to a later date so we can continue for another ten days."

"Are you able to cope baby?"

"Yes Ben and if Darian takes over the last scene it will be a breeze, you did notice that the younger Billy was one of three kids doing that role didn't you?" He smirked.

I looked at him in amazement but put my serious face on.

"Of course I did."

He let out a slight chuckle; I was insulted.

Of course I hadn't noticed but I wasn't going to tell him, apart from the Lion King and the Phantom of the Opera his was the only other musical I had seen. Mum and dads patronage of the arts had them out at least twice a week so I was only interested in footy and boys and never got into it.

I dished up some food for us as I had forgotten to eat then cleaning the table I shoved the cups into the dishwasher. Jay was quiet when he arrived from the bathroom, he had washed his hair and it smelt so sexy when I sniffed it as I held onto him in the kitchen.

"Come on let's eat."

He sat at the table and stared at me, I think he was trying to work out which position he would like to be in tonight.

"Who was your visitor?" Whoops wrong again.

"No one Jay."

`Ben, I will ask you once more and you can re-think that answer." He looked pissed off.

I didn't know what to say, I wasn't prepared for the question and I wasn't going to say anything.

He reached into his dressing gown and pulled out a pair of red briefs then he threw them on the table, his eyes were moist.

"What the fuck, where were they?"

"In the bathroom, didn't you check it when your, "No One," left, I see you didn't even bother to wash his coffee cup either." Tears started.

I knew exactly how he felt because I had felt the same many times but my feelings were founded and his weren't.

"Jay, Pete called around to collect his suitcase, he had a coffee and must have taken his underwear off to leave in the bathroom. No I didn't check it and I didn't wash his cup, why would I do that? I haven't done anything wrong except get talked into making coffee for him. He did use the toilet and Jay I will add he came back stark naked, he wanted to re-live old times but I threw him and the suitcase out."

He looked at me for a long time and I was still feeling guilty but I still hadn't done anything wrong.

"This is delicious Ben, what's it called?" Again he stunned me.

"Swiss steak angel, do you like it?"

"Yes I love it, you're a good cook." Wait for it, he's not finished.

"How did you feel when Pete came out naked?"

"Sick to my stomach, he looked and was revolting."

"Good." He smiled.

Not a patch on my angel, body or mind wise.

It was Jay who decided to get rid of the stench in the bathroom and as I knelt down on the brown tiles to rim his ass he moaned as he leant over the sink. It took me forever to even think about getting a condom; I was enjoying his sighs and moans immensely, not to mention his awesome buns. He seemed more comfortable with our arrangement as everyday passed, he even was laughing a bit more, especially when I would get tongue tied or do stupid stuff, I guess I was entertaining.

The season moved on and the games got tougher, his show was only allowed five extra nights so I went to the one I had booked and now I'm sitting in the theatre for the last performance. Most of the team was there plus John and Kevin and I noticed to my dismay they were there with Pete and Chris. That smug look Chris always had on his face really shitted me off so I grunted as I walked by, but you know me, I had to say something to Pete. I leaned over Chris, who was a short little shunt and said,

"It didn't work and if you want to play that game again then bring it on." I worked my fists and was ready for a smart assed answer but Pete true to his gutless self, stood way back from me.