The Deepest Cut

Maxieplus

7 The deepest cut

"I'm sorry, sometimes I get sad because I think you're just trying to please me all the time because you think I'm unhappy, that's all."

"Ben can we sit and talk?"

"Sure." We sat at the table with steaming coffee in our hands.

"Ben. I loved Justin he was my everything. We got married because we both knew we would be together always, plus it's something he really wanted to do. I know it's not legal here in Australia yet, but we had a commitment ceremony

in front of family and friends; it was real to Justin and me. Anyway we were good together and, although I had learnt ballet from an early age, I still had a lot to learn so he helped pay for my tuition at the academy. He found the money on various credit cards, he did this because I think he loved me and wanted me to be happy, and I was Ben."

He sipped his coffee and took a pause; this must be so hard for him.

"Ben, he died in that accident, what I did at the hospital was I said goodbye to him, but he had already been long gone. Ben, when you came along it was at the right time because I was about to give up on life; I even had it all planned until I was offered the spot in the seniors. I didn't think for one minute I would ever laugh again but from the get go, after meeting you, I started laughing. If I was to be honest it started on the train ride home after you wanted to fuck me."

"Sorry," I said, my bleary eyes drooping.

"Don't be sorry Ben. I laughed all the way home because I knew then I had to get to know you better. You were so dorky and angry inside, I saw that. But I also saw something not many people saw, your heart, I saw your big beautiful heart." He took my hands.

"Ben, I loved Justin but I wasn't deeply in love with him. I always felt there was something missing with him. Oh and yes, he fooled around behind my back. I have since found out John was maybe one of them; he told me that night you called. I think his idea was to get me mad and I would sleep with him out of some sort of revenge. But as I told him, I didn't care because I wasn't deeply in love with Jus totally, but he did make me happy. I didn't tell you about John's conversation because you were still angry with him."

He leant in and kissed me then continued.

"Now Ben, after that night on the way home on the train I started having feelings for you. I didn't understand what those feelings were, but I knew I needed you in my life, and by the next morning I knew I had fallen for you because I woke up smiling again. As I got to know you better I was laughing louder and with each laugh your face and goodness crept into my heart. You took a piece of it and placed it safely with yours. I don't want you to ever give it back to me, please don't do that Ben, please don't."

"Jay, I am sorry to hear all that, I thought you were being so nice to me because you felt you owed me something but you don't. I owe you so much more and the first thing is an apology. I didn't mean to scare you, I just freaked at John's words that's all. I love you with all my heart but if I am hurting you then we have to fix that."

"Hurting me." He laughed.

"Ben you would never hurt me in a million, trillion years, you're just not capable of doing that to anybody let alone me. As for my virginity, I have always wanted to bottom for a big strong footballer type, with a big cock. You're my fantasy boy come true Ben and I love every inch of you in me. So in fact you are still making me happy Ben. You make me laugh all the time and you make me love in a way I have never before loved and I thank you." He kissed me again.

"The reason I said that to you was because I want you to be as happy as me, inside, that's all."

"Oh, that's okay then, I thought you ..."

"Shut up Ben." Well he sounded like he was done.

"What?"

"Ben be quiet and come with me, I need a bloody good fucking. Could you wear your footy jumper this time?"

It didn't take me long to get those sweats off and to firmly renew my membership of the Jay Denver butt adoration society, holy Moses,and praise the lord for giving him tight buns, a large cock and the most beautiful lips for me to kiss.

We didn't talk about it much again that day but I got what Jay was trying to tell me. I did afford myself a little peacock moment though when he moaned as I entered him, I puffed my chest out and said,

"Whose the man?"

"You are, now fuck me." My giggles were raining over Jay's body as I started my pump action engine. My lips were all over his face, his nips, his pits, his face, his face.

"What's on for Jay Denver the dancer now?"

"I actually don't know Ben I thought I might have a rest for awhile. There's somebody in my life I don't want to be parted from for too long, but to be serious, I don't know what's next. I have had some offers but I just don't know. I'm still thinking on them." he looked distant.

"Well I would have loved to see you dancing the principal in Romeo and Juliet, is that a possibility, maybe?"

"What?"

"Romeo, you know that ballet. I would love to see you in your naughty tights dancing that one." I smiled at him.

I wasn't going to tell him who my parents were but thought better of it, as he might think I'm drumming up work for him through them, or keeping secrets and if he found out second hand I would be toast.

"Spill it Ben, you know something don't you?"

"I know the lead role was offered to you angel and you knocked it back, but I only found that out yesterday." I kissed his full lips.

"Who told you, the agents asked me when nobody was around, how do you know?" He was suspicious.

I wiggled my eyebrows and put my best smile on.

"Did they give you a card?"

"Yes Ben, but I haven't looked at it yet, it's in my wallet. I'm still thinking on it."

He leaned over and went through it then passed the card to me.

"Doesn't the surname tell you something?" I handed it back.

"What relatives Ben, what the fuck, it never occurred to me?"

"Parents actually." I preened.

He didn't talk to me for a half hour, and every time he looked at me, I raised my eyebrows and smiled. He must have worked it all out by the time we were ready to go shopping and accepted who I was and who I would be in his life. He pulled me in for a great kiss before saying,

"You're not going to interfere are you?"

"Of course not, that's why I wanted to tell you so you don't think that, but if you mean by interfering with your manly assets then maybe a little, but with your career absolutely not. It's your gig and I will butt out, mum and dad are really impressed with you and they took it on themselves to ask you and that's a big gong for a start, they usually send an agent. I told mum about you but she already knew we were starting something; again she's impressed and has a motherly need to meet you intimately at some stage. But be warned, behave when you go out because she has spies everywhere."

"Well that's okay then, the ballet starts when the footy season is over so I have been thinking about it and they gave me two months to make a decision.It's a major part Ben; I hope I can do it justice. I did do Romeo's role in a local theatre company's rendition so I am familiar with him but the State Theatre? That's huge Ben, that's the top of the mountain.

"You will do it justice, I know for sure you will." I grinned before I licked his neck and he moaned, we didn't get any shopping done that day.

Training was a blast, Jay and I hung together and practiced our kicking, handballing and generally laughed all the way through it; the coach thought we were mad. I had called my mum and she insisted we come over for dinner. So tonight I will introduce him to two of the best influences in my life, mum and Lawry. Dad is still overseas on one of his many business trips but we can catch him later on.

Outside their Toorak mansion, Jay was stunned into silence.

"What's the matter baby?"

"You're rich?" he exclaimed quite loudly.

"No, my parents are, there's a difference. I have some money but not anything like they have."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not important, they have worked hard and indulge in their philanthropy on the side. It's their passion, it's their money, it's their journey and they can do whatever they like with it but I must admit their new lawn mower was a bit extravagant." I laughed.

"Ben, for God's sake, be serious."

"I am angel, it's their money not mine, it was their hard work, not mine, and I don't get any of it. I stood over them when they made their wills out and listed all the charities they will donate to until it was all gone." He looked at me like I was mad.

"True story, ask Lawry." I nodded towards the house.

He was coming down the drive to greet us and as he opened the door for Jay he said,

"Ah the famous Jay Denver. I had the pleasure of seeing your angel dance performance and it was just perfection plus. Welcome to the big house; I know it's a little ostentatious isn't it?" He smirked.

"If you say so." I think Jay was in shock, I had better feel his pulse.

"Good evening sir and how are the money trees at the AFL (Australian Football League) today?"

I slapped him on the head.

"Knock it off Lawry." I took Jay's hand so he didn't topple over and walked him to the front door. I didn't open it, that's Lawry's job, so I stood back and smirked at him.

"This way sirs," he bid us to go in.

"Thank you Jeeves." I smirked again.

"Yeah thanks Jeeves," Jay said off handedly, I heard a chuckle from mum in the background.

"Ben, how lovely to see you again and so soon, it must be Christmas, is it Lawry?"

"No madam, free food season."

Mum by passed me and pulled Jay into a big hug, he towered over her but was gentle.

"My boy how good to see you again, you look healthy. I hope our boy is treating you well kid, he gets a bit forgetful sometimes, so keep him on his toes."

"I will Mrs. umm mum umm."

"That's nice, June will do, come sit and talk with me for a minute." She smiled at me. I think I just lost him.

"Now, Romeo," she was fishing for an answer.

"I don't know, it's an exhausting role Mrs. err June."

"Five thousand a show."

"WHAT?"

"All right, we will pay you six but not a penny more."

Jay nearly fell off the seat.

"June stop tormenting the boy, can't you see he thinks you're serious?"

"I am serious Lawry, I can pay Jay as much as I want." She giggled.

"That rhymed Jay, pay Jay, so funny, did you get it?" She nudged Jay in the ribs.

Jay, I think fell in love with my mum, he even told her where she could shove her money but he was very polite about it. Dinner was nice and humble... not. Lawry had pulled out all stops and the food was amazing, he joined us and he also bantered with Jay, they became good friends, so I was very happy.

"Jay talk some sense into this great lump for me, he needs to join us in the family business and forget this football thing, help me."

"No way June, I like his uniform just the way it is. Suits don't get me hot but smelly footy socks do." He laughed, he was happy.

"Romeo?" mum raised her eyebrow.

"I'm still thinking." He grinned.

On the ride home he mentioned the family business and I told him it was being left to Humphrey B. Bear.

"What, that show about a bear? Ben that's a kid's TV show, are you serious?"

I chuckled as I watched a shocked Jay get redder and redder.

"Well Jay I was only seven when I helped them with the will and I loved Humphrey B. Bear." My sad face came to the front.

"And Barney, he gets some too, oh and Miss Piggy and Sylvester, Bugs Bunny, etc."

He nearly pissed himself; the people in the other car at the lights must have thought he was mad. Then he started to cry so I took his hand.

"See Ben, see what you do to me, you fill me with so much love with just one sentence? I love you so much."

"Does this mean I can get my end in tonight without any arguments?"

`I'm still thinking about it." He laughed some more.

That night we made beautiful love, all jokes aside. He is a wonderful lover and I made sure he was fully satisfied before we went to sleep. We tried for an early night but it wasn't to be.

Game day morning, we were up and the adrenalin was flowing as Jay put a rock song on the CD player and rocked me around the room several times. Yes, we were happy, whatever doubts I had about our relationship went away. We were a team, a couple, and we were in love.

Games are won and lost on the team's attitude and today Jay and I fed off each other's highs and became a force to be dealt with. Okay I'm biased, the other teammates helped too but it was an easy day on the field. Jay was still only playing three quarters. The coach thinks that's enough for him this year but next year it will be all quarters. I was changing into my going out with my boyfriend clothes when John appeared at my side.

"So it's all steam ahead at your place then?"

I grunted and said.

"Yes John, so don't keep going on about it mate.We aren't really interested in sharing our private lives."

"That's good Ben, I understand. I just thought if you weren't serious you might want to join me, Kevin, Pete and Chris with a few others for a bareback party?" My jaw dropped.

"You have got to be joking John, bareback, what the fuck are you thinking? Your setting yourself up for a major problem mate, leave Jay and I out of it for fucks sake." I whispered to him and I felt a pang of sadness for Pete, after all he really doesn't deserve to have any more problems, yet I guess he's going into it with his eyes open.

"Chill Ben, we have all been tested and decided to see if you and Jay wanted to join in, but it's all good." He smiled, I just don't trust that prick and I will talk to Jay tonight at dinner just to keep him in the loop, fuck me.

"He's relentless Ben, although the thought of watching you totally fuck another guy is turning me on." He smirked.

"Jay how could you say that, it's the other way with me, watching you get fucked would be awesome."

"Well why don't we give John a call?"

"Because I don't have his number."

"Oh how sad, I was looking forward to you making Chris scream the house down when you plunge your dick into him."

"And I was looking forward to listening to your sobs when John sticks his huge dick up you."

"Let's go home Ben."

"Why?"

"Because I need sex now."

"Okay." I paid the bill and we rushed home, we didn't even get to the bed. I fucked Jay just inside the front door, doggy style, on the polished floorboards. We were so sexed up and exhausted we crashed onto the wood floor with a thud, our breathing was heavily labored.

"Ben, someone has sent us two tickets to the Nutcracker next week, who do you think sent them?"

"Probably mum, she knows how I love my nuts, it's one of her shows at the Arts Center. It should be finishing soon but what do I know, do we have to wear suits?"

"No Ben, no one really dresses up anymore, it's a shame really, but a sign of the times, people want to be comfortable nowadays when they go out."

"Okay, do you want to dress up?"

"No Ben, we can wear a shirt and jacket with jeans maybe. Do you want to go or do I go alone, I don't mind, either way, as I know it's not your thing."

"Yeah, I'll go with you, it will be interesting but I suppose I will be comparing it with your dancing which might put me off."

"No comparing dancers Ben, everyone has their own individual style." I was watching Jay's angel dance on You Tube. Someone had uploaded it and while he stretched and did some exercises, I watched it and him. I couldn't help getting a pang of sadness but it was only a bad dream nothing else. He had over a million likes, which was awesome and it had gone viral, that's a respectable level.

His dance finished and I put the laptop aside and watched him go through his exercises.

I again wondered what this handsome boy saw in me. He brought me back to reality when he slipped a CD into the player then started a new dance, just for me, but before he did he relieved his body of all it's coverings. With his balls swinging in the wind I immediately gasped as blood surged to certain parts of my body.

"The big party's tonight Ben."

"What party angel?"

"The bareback one. I think John was hoping we had second thoughts about it." I groaned under my breath, he had no right to even talk to Jay about it.

"Did you tell him we would be there at seven?" I replied.

`Yes babe, he wants us early so he can break you in. Apparently Kevin wants to slip you a length too." He sort of giggled under his breath.

"You can do that before we leave, I bought a zucchini this morning, want to try it now?" I smirked.

"No later Ben." He stretched his leg above his head; I think he has blood issues too.

"Well by the look of that thing your toting around maybe you could use it instead?"

"Maybe I could at that Ben, do you want to try it?"

I did think about it and why not? Jay does so much for me and all I do is enjoy him to the fullest.

I went and got some lube, greased up and bent over the kitchen table and he was behind me in a split second.

"We can't do it cold like this Ben, you have to be opened up a bit first."

I stood up and turned looking into his face, I couldn't contain myself and burst out laughing.

"In your fucking dreams Kevin, in your dreams, do you want to have a go at opening me up angel?"

"Later maybe Ben I have the urge to have a salami stuck in my gob." He knelt down and started his ministrations on my blood filled cock.

While he took care of business I looked around the flat, we had pushed furniture back so Jay could practice, his beautiful pictures were on one wall and his angel statue was standing proud on the TV unit.I was enjoying myself so much I needed a distraction so I started re-decorating the place mentally but then I heard Jay say something. "What's that baby?"

"My jaw is aching Ben, do you think you can cum soon?"

"Oh sure Jay, give me a minute, I just have to pick out the drapes." He pulled off and gave me such a bad boy look; I forced his mouth back onto my dick.

"Okay, we can forget about the drapes."

I put some steaks on while he tossed the salad and did chips in the oven. He had slipped on a pair of shorts but I could still see his dick swinging back and forth. If I hadn't blown earlier I would have fucked him on the balcony right now, but my dick was tired.

"When do you start rehearsals?"

"Next week Ben, it's going to be so bloody exciting, I can't wait. I have never danced on a big stage so I hope I don't let the company down." He seemed pensive.

"I don't think so Jay, if anything they will let you down."

"You're biased Ben."

"Well when you told mum you would do it she said she had better get some better dancers into the show, she doesn't want you to be out there on your own."

"Your full of it Ben, and anyway, it's not for another three months yet so I've got plenty of time to get it right."

I cut off a small piece of my steak and fed it to him, I don't know why, I just wanted to touch his lips a bit.

"Thank you."

"You want to do something tonight?"

"Yeah, I scored a copy of Nureyev's Romeo, I thought you might watch it with me."

"Cool, you can get some cool tips."

He grunted quite loudly.

We washed up and settled in to watch his DVD and it was sad to see such a beautiful dancer on screen at his peak and knowing full well what his future held. I felt like I needed to hold Jay tightly to me and protect his body from all that shit. I could only imagine what John and Pete were getting up to with the guys, is it worth it? I don't know. I suppose if it was a condom on sort of party, I wouldn't worry so much about Pete. Knowing what I do about him he's probably spread his legs for anyone and everyone that's there. I couldn't help him and it did make me sad.

"You thinking about Pete?"

"Yeah, I sort of feel really sorry for him. I mean that he has to do that kind of thing. He's a total bottom Jay; he's probably had five loads of cum up him by now."

"It's a shame Ben, but we are all in charge of our own destiny. I pray everyone at that party is being honest."

"Maybe a good bout of gonorrhea but not the other.It's easily avoidable but people still play Russian roulette with their bodies." He stroked my hair.

"Anyway I couldn't imagine ten guys fucking me one after the other, it would be murderous. I kind of like getting to know people before I jump into bed with them."

"Me too, I'm so blessed I met you Jay, so fucking blessed."

"You should be, I'm a famous dancer now, everyone wants to fuck me." He giggled.

"You are wearing overalls for Romeo aren't you?"

"No Ben, it's a new wave production so everyone's nude."

I could have reacted but let it slide, so what if he wants to dance nude, it's art that's all.

"Nude, what the fuck?" When his comment caught up with me I screamed. I could still hear his deep laugh as I drifted off to sleep.

The next day was a free one, a delivery guy knocked on our door and he had papers for Jay to sign. They were his contract for Romeo and Juliette and it outlined his rehearsal times and his wages, he went very quiet all of a sudden then put the contract down. I picked it up as he left the room, Jesus, mum, don't do this to me, oh God no.

"Jay where are you?"

Where else, he was in the spare room on the bed looking at the ceiling. I have found him in here several times when he needs private time. I guessed it was because of Justin's suit and their bed was in there, maybe he talks to him still, it's okay Jay, all's good.

"Jay I had nothing to do with it, believe me angel this is mum's doing."

He looked over at me and I could see his eyes were starting to go red.

"I will ring her and tell her to amend the contract angel, don't worry Ben will fix it."

"Ben."

"What angel?"

"Ben it's a lovely gesture, but I know what my wage scale is, and the amount that's been offered is for a world class dancer whose had years of experience. I know you didn't have anything to do with it but it does make me feel like I'm a sympathy case. Now how would your mum know I was heavily in debt, can you answer that one?"

"No I can't because that's private between you and me. But as you know she has spies everywhere."

I went to call my mum while Jay lay on the bed. He didn't want to know about the contract. She and I had a mother to son talk and I know she meant well but not with the most important person in my life.

"She's going to amend the contract tonight and shoot it off tomorrow. She added Juliet will be getting twice what you are earning."

"I don't care Ben, she's probably been struggling for years herself and deserves what she's given." He then turned on his side and said,

"Can I be alone for awhile Ben."

"Sure baby, take all the time in the world." I kissed his head then started for the kitchen to get lunch ready. I didn't see Jay for the next hour but I suspected he was trying to take all this extra attention in. He really doesn't know how good he is. Some people are robots when it comes to dancing while some, like Jay, are loaded with natural grace.

"Sorry Ben, I was a bit overwhelmed that's all."

"I know angel, it's the way I feel about you all the time. Please, let's just forget it happened and next time we see mum, you can sit and have a heart to heart with her."

"Okay I have to start rehearsals end of next week so I will catch up with her at the theatre."

We had a lovely lunch and while Jay stretched his legs as I answered the door, it was Lawry.

"Good afternoon sir, the madam hath bade me to drop this contract off then swiftly expedite it's return into her infant like hands."

"Oh fuck Lawry, are you practicing for a part in the show?"

"No sir I just thought I would go with the flow and join in the festivities." He smirked.

Jay looked the contract over once again then smiled, he signed them shaking his head.

"Thank you sir and this is your retainer."

Lawry reached into his jacket and pulled out an envelope to which he handed to Jay.

"Retainer?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Yes sir I have three others here to be dropped off sometime today, I'm a busy boy but I have time for coffee."

"Coming up."

He put his hand over Jay's and rubbed it.

"Sir if you don't mind me saying, this ballet is going to place you on the world stage.There will be people flying in from all over the world just to watch the angel boy and what you do with that is your decision. June has always paid her stars twice the award rates because when they hit the European spotlights there is already a wages precedent set. She believes in you and she knew you would be a star even before she found out you were her new son-in-law. Please believe me, she has done this many times before."

"Well it's very generous of her Lawry but I don't expect it, I will ring and thank her tonight."

Later on he opened the envelope and gasped, I didn't ask, he just went very quiet, I was waiting for the explosion but it didn't happen.

"Did she halve your wages baby?"

"No, she took three dollars fifty off for delivery." He looked languidly at me.

"Then accept it Jay, because with my mum, it's hard to argue about money and look at it this way, Barney gets less when she falls off the perch." I smiled.

He pulled me in and kissed me tenderly.

"I love you Ben, so very much, I love you."

That started another night of lovemaking, Jay was awesome, it was like making love to elastic man.His legs were everywhere and I felt the full force of his strength when he straddled my waist and held me with them.

Jay was still playing, but each time we had training, he was getting more and deeper in thought and I knew why. He was in two minds about football and ballet. He knew he was a good footballer but didn't completely believe he was a great ballet dancer. I tried to help but what do I know. He said he had to choose one or the other. When he had done his dancing school it was to get his fitness levels up and because he loved it. Playing with the team is awesome because he gets to play with me; well he can do that anytime I thought.

But I also had my doubts, what if he does become famous and has to work overseas all the time? I gasped at that thought because there's no way I will give up my football to follow him all over Europe. Another impossible situation and I kept shoving the thought out of my head whenever it appeared.

I felt Jay withdrawing from me the minute he started his rehearsals. Nothing I could place my finger on but something had shifted in our lives. He didn't have time to even have dinner with me. He was always at the studio and when we did have a moment together he was too exhausted. I didn't say anything but just went with it figuring it was all the extra work he had on his mind. Some days he couldn't even lift his head off the pillow he was so sore.

I decided we needed a break, but when I booked a weekend at a spa up the country, he nearly went ballistic and said he couldn't go. I was so mad I slammed the door and walked out into the cold night. Then sat in the bus stop up the road licking my wounds, when I got home he was fast asleep. I woke him as I slipped into bed and he threw his arm around me and said he was sorry.

"Talk to me Jay, just fucking tell me, what's going on in your head? That's all I want to know."

"Tomorrow Ben, so tired, so fucking tired."

Well he didn't talk to me the next day or the next, I tried to put my foot down but he resisted.

"Ben, he's been at rehearsals every day since we started. He doesn't have to be there that much," mum said on the phone.

"Then why the hell is he doing it, I can't fathom his reasoning?"

"Ben it's becoming annoying for the other dancers because it interferes with their rehearsal times; they're not happy with him."

"What can we do Mum?"

"Well I've hired a security guard for the stage door and he will only be allowed in when he's on the list. I think you will find Ben he's worried he's not good enough and he will be letting the cast down, but that's not the way they all see him, he's already a star in their eyes."

"Okay when does this security thing start mum?"

"Tomorrow morning son, keep your fingers crossed and, son, I'm sorry I had to do that."

"It's okay mum, love you, bye."

I groaned at the thought of my angel breaking down.