The Dream

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That night, I went to bed and fell peacefully at sleep. Nonetheless, I had one of the weirdest dreams ever. It was really on the verge of a nightmare! In my dream, I found myself in a totally unknown place and wondered where I was. I tried desperately to recognize anything, but couldn't. It was not my hometown or any town I had ever been. I didn't know where those images came from. Maybe they were from a movie or so. I was walking along the streets but didn't have the slightest clue as where I was going. I had that strange feeling I had to find a place or a location, but didn't know what for. A flashing neon light caught my attention as it announced "Jason's Bar". The name seemed familiar, although I didn't know anybody called Jason. I wasn't thirsty or anything like that, but I entered the place anyway. The bar was crowded although the street was empty. A heavy cloud of cigarette smoke was hanging low. I had been a heavy smoker myself, but had managed to leave that habit behind. The sole odor of cigarettes was making me sick, but at the same time I was dying for one. You know what people say: once you smoked, you'd always want another cigarette The bartender looked familiar and in a certain way remembered me of a friend, but something was not right. I didn't feel any attraction to the bartender at all. As I looked around, it was even weirder to see that all the people inside the bar were looking like that friend, but I felt attraction to none of them. I approached the bar to order a drink. The bartender put a beer in front of me without asking or saying anything at all. It was not a known brand and the first gulp of the bottle made me spit out the beverage. It was awful! Nonetheless, I kept the bottle in my hand and caressed the bottle that felt warm in my hands. I caressed it more and suddenly the place was empty. Out of the bottle came a kind of smoke and it formed a fuzzy cloud in front of me. The cloud slowly took shape and a face came in sight.

• I am not a genius coming out of a bottle, I heard a voice say, but nonetheless I grant you three wishes. Don't forget that for each wish, you will have to give up something of your own!

I was sweating profusely and wanted to run away, but couldn't. It was as if my feet were nailed to the floor. I looked fascinated to the cloud and in my current state, I didn't want to make three wishes and give things up of my own. I was proud of who I was and what I had achieved so far in life. I suddenly realized it was a dream, or a nightmare, and wanted to wake up. I pinched myself, but didn't feel anything. I tried to slap myself in the face but it was just a caress. I tried to lift the bottle and empty its contents over my head, but I couldn't move the bottle. It was so weird! I tried with all my strength to get out of that dream, knowing I had to wake up. The smoky face looked at me with an uncommon intensity and patiently waiting for me to say something. I kept my mouth shut but my brain was in total overload. I had the feeling my head was like the hard drive of my computer, spinning at incredible speed and almost overheating. I knew I had to say something although I didn't want to.

• I don't want to make three wishes, I said.

• Is that a wish? The cloud asked me.

• Noooo, it is not! It is just a statement, I answered.

• You called me up, knowing it or not, but I don't come out for nothing. You won't move till you make at least one wish and give up one thing of your own.

I hated the situation. In the past I had often thought about the possibility to make three wishes and always said it would be richness of the health, richness of the heart and richness of the material things. But now that I had to make them, I couldn't. The direct implication of having to give up three things of my own was making it all so hard and difficult. I was proud of who I was and what I had achieved so far in my life. There wasn't a single thing I wanted to give up. I didn't see any reason to give up anything about myself, till ... I thought very deeply and thought about my flaws! I could give up some of them! So, I said so.

• Ok, I want the richness of health, I said, and I give up my shyness.

• You can't give up a flaw, the cloud said.

• You didn't say so in the first place, so you'd better keep your part of the bargain! And that is not a wish. It is a statement again!

The cloud changed a little bit, as if it was frowning its eyebrows. The sole realization that I was right made it look annoyed, knowing it had to grant my wish.

• Ok, the cloud said, you'll be healthy for the rest of your life. You will never have to worry about it till the day you die and your shyness will disappear completely from now on. Just know that for the second and the third wish you will not be able to give up any flaw!

With that said, I felt I could move again and suddenly I was sitting straight up in my bed. My eyes were wide open and my body was covered with sweat. Jeez, even the sheets were damp with moisture! In normal circumstances, I never remember a dream when I wake up, but strangely enough, I remembered that one very clearly and with all the details. I even saw the label on the beer bottle in front of me. It was a white label with blue and green letters and the name of that beer was weird as well: BECARE. My mind was reading that name over and over again and it was as if that name was the beginning of a complete statement: BECAREful of what you're wishing. The face expression of the cloud was also burned in my mind as if it was the face of someone I had known all of my life.

I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, turned on the water in the shower and emptied my bladder. I looked at my watch and saw that I still had about half an hour left before I would actually have to get up. It was not a strange thing to me to spurt my load in the shower, but that morning I didn't feel like it. Once I was showered and dried, I dressed for work and went to the kitchen for a much needed coffee. The dream was playing in my head over and over again. I couldn't believe the amount of details I remembered of it. Would it be really so that I would not have to worry about my health any more? Would it be really so that my shyness was completely gone? Or was it just a dream and everything would stay the same as it was? It was probably the latter one, but nonetheless, the dream had been so real that I was wondering if the possibilities of it all being real was existing. I had to admit I was feeling great, physically. I felt ready to even run to the office instead of taking the car, but I didn't have time for that. I thought of the option to take my bicycle although it had been weeks and even months I hadn't used it. After all, I took the car.

Reaching the office I greeted my colleagues and was surprised by the look on their faces. It was true that in the past I always almost sneaked in the office and disappeared in my cubicle and didn't come out of it till it was lunch break. After lunch, I would immediately go back to my place and work silently till it was time to go home. That day it was a little different as I walked in the office kitchen first, greeted whoever was there and went for a cup of coffee. Again I got stares of surprise, as my colleagues were not used to see me there. I smiled to them and even stroke up some conversation before heading to my cubicle and start my day of work. It downed on me that I felt different and that even the way I had entered the office that morning was different, too. I had even accepted to have lunch with a few of them and I had to admit I had had a good time! I felt free to tell things and to share personal matters. It was Jimmy, who had started the same day as I in the company, who asked me what was going on. He had never seen me this way. His comment about it was surprisingly accurate, I guess.

• Where is the shy guy we've known for months now? You suddenly seem to have opened up to the world!

Of course I thought about the dream I had the previous night. Was it really so that my shyness would have disappeared completely from one moment to the next? I had trouble believing it, but had to see the reality of things. I hadn't faced any problem greeting colleagues and even had lunch with them, something I had never done before! Although it felt strange, it also felt good. It was as if I was wakening to a new me. I wondered why I had shut everybody out during years. I had been scared to even look up at someone. When walking in the street, my head was always hanging down, looking at my feet. It had occurred more than once that I walked into someone, literally, because I hadn't seen them. I had been so shy that I even had trouble asking for something in a shop. I always went to supermarkets so that I could serve myself without having to speak up to any shop employee. Even though I was exercising a lot and had a defined body, I wore baggy cloths so no one would notice me. I had to change that!

The next Saturday I went downtown and went shopping for cloths that were showing off my body a little more. I could afford it! I had been working for quite some time and never spent a dime on things for myself, except food and basic necessities in my apartment. I had never been on a trip because it meant I would probably have to speak to people. All those years I had been happy to live in the confinement of my home. Jeez, I didn't even have a cellphone. That Saturday, I came home loaded with bags of cloths, a new cellphone and even a MacBook. I had heard of people connecting through the Internet and I wanted to give it a try. I had a sudden self-confidence that I didn't have before. I gave up working out in my living room and go for a run at six o'clock in the morning so I wouldn't meet anybody. I got a membership at the gym not far from my place and ran to the gym instead of running with no goal in the empty morning streets. I had no problems whatsoever to talk to the guy at the reception of the gym and even got him smiling. What an endearing experience that was! Nobody had ever smiled to me in the past.

The following week, my colleagues, men and women, noticed the change of clothing and were paying me quite some compliments about it. It made me blush a little, but it felt good. For the first time in my life I received compliments and not only about the way I dressed. People, at last, felt free to speak to me and everybody wondered what that change was all about. I shrugged my shoulders, telling them I didn't know I had changed. That was a lie of course, but it was difficult to explain I had a dream where I had a fantastic bargain of having richness of health and getting my shyness to disappear. I had to admit it must have been what happened in that dream that made it all like it was now. There was simply no other explanation.

The dream didn't return. I knew it would at one time or another. I had the feeling my "genius from the bottle" was giving me time to realize I had received what I had been asking for. I was convinced that one of the coming nights I would dream it again, or at least see that cloudy face again. If it was true that I had been granted three wishes, there were two left and I had no doubt in what to ask for. My problem was to know what I would give in to have my wishes granted. I knew already that I wouldn't be able to give up another flaw. At some times I even got a headache thinking about it. What on earth could I trade in for my next wish? I was thinking about rephrasing a flaw in such a way that it didn't appear as one. Not an easy task if you ask me! I had been lucky with the first wish, but had to think carefully about the next two ones. My lack of general experience in life was certainly something I could give up, but it would seriously be considered as a flaw and thus not valid. Even at my age, I was still a virgin and the only things "sexual" I had done were limited to some jerk off with some friends in college. In a certain way I was proud of my virginity, as I wanted to keep that for someone I would truly love. It was important to me. I knew my sexual preferences from a young age, but had never acted on it. Maybe that was something I could give up, but I just wondered how the cloudy face would manage that. It was just a cloudy face for God's sake! It was not a human form and on top of that, it just appeared in a dream. Was something as physical as losing my virginity a suitable thing to give up? I would really have to think about it and see if I could come up with something else.

I started to feel uncomfortable at the moment of going to bed. I just knew one of the coming nights the cloudy face would appear and I would have to be ready to give a proper answer. Only time would be able to tell me if my first wish had been granted, but it was true that I had never felt so great in my life. Even looking at myself in the mirror I had the sensation of looking at a healthy man! My second wish would be the richness of the heart. I really wanted to be known as a "good" man, with a heart for others. Even though I knew it could get me in trouble by caring too much for others, I wanted it. I also knew that having a big heart would lead to some deceptions, as not everybody was grateful for what they received, but I was ready to take that risk. I would probably be left heartbroken some times, but it was part of what I was wishing. Or not? Did I have to put that wish in such a way that I wouldn't get hurt? Could it be that my second wish was "the richness of the heart without being heartbroken"? It was definitely a chance I had to take.

It took about three more weeks before the dream returned. The set-up was exactly the same: wandering in an unknown place and finding the bar with the neon light saying "Jason's Bar". This time I didn't hesitate to enter and go straight to the bar asking for a beer. Again, the bartender had in front of me even before I finished pronouncing my request. The same label with "BECARE" was looking at me. I remembered the awful taste that beer had and didn't bring the bottle to my lips. Time went by and nothing happened although I caressed the bottle like I had done the previous time. Why was that? I had done exactly the same, but nothing happened! It downed on me that the only difference was the fact I had drunk some of the beverage. Although it disgusted me, I brought the bottle to my lips and took a gulp. It was even worse of what I remembered. I caressed the bottle again and just as the last time, all the people around me disappeared. The faint smoke came out of the bottle and formed that face I had seen.

• So, you are here again. I guess you are ready for your second wish!

• Yes, I am, I answered.

• What will it be this time? And don't forget you can't give up a flaw!

• I know. You made that clear last time. My second wish is to have the richness of the heart without being heartbroken.

• That's an easy one, the cloudy face said. And what are you giving up?

• My virginity.

The cloudy face seemed to think about it and was clearly hesitating.

• Hmmm... I don't know about that. I do agree it is not really a flaw, although for your age it could be. On the other hand I guess that if you are still a virgin, it is because it is important to you. As it is important, I could really consider that you really are giving up something of your own.

• Are you really going to discuss everything I have to give up?

The cloudy face seemed annoyed with my comment.

• Ok, ok ... but I can assure you that you will remember giving up your virginity.

Just as the previous time, I woke up, sitting up in my bed, but I was not sweating at all and my heartbeat was completely normal. I thought about what the cloudy face had said about remembering that I gave up my virginity. Wasn't it obvious that someone would remember giving up his or hers virginity? Wasn't it an important step in one's life? I had imagined the scene a thousand times. Losing my virginity to a man I would be in love with and where the feeling was mutual. Of course, I always saw it in quite a romantic environment, with satin sheets on the bed and a lot of candles in the room. I didn't think the cloudy face could manage to make me fall in love and give up my virginity on the spot. First of all I was not the kind of guy that fell in love easily. I liked to be seduced and taken slowly to the realization that love kicked in. Well, after all, the cloudy face had not promised it would be today, had it? So, I was just happy to shower, dress and go to work and see what was in store for me. It was true that for the first wish it had all happened almost instantly and that made me think about it. I half smiled to myself and was convinced that this wish would take a little longer. The richness of the heart was also something that I wouldn't notice at once. The circumstances would show me the way. The wish was fairly vague if you think about it. It withheld a kind spirit towards other people, with generosity and compassion. It also required seeing the best in each and every person. It didn't mean to become na•ve or even stupid.

Because of my previous state of shyness, I had not related to a lot of people. It was not that I didn't want to, but my shyness prevented me to. Nonetheless, even before those weird dreams, I tried to see the positive side of people, whoever they were. I was not really a very forgiving man, no, and I was quick in condemning actions I didn't understand. I sincerely hoped this was all part of the past now. The first wish had been quick and effective and I just crossed my fingers it would be the same with the second one.

I went to my work, but leaving the car in its parking spot in the basement of my building. I was up to having a bit of a walk and would take the subway. Going to the subway station I got conscious that I had to contribute to the health of the planet. I even thought about doing the trip with my bicycle to see how much time it would take me. I planned on doing so the next Saturday. As I was waiting for the train, I observed the people surrounding me. Lots of them didn't look really happy. Or was it just because they were not fully awake yet? I could see how I was before the dreams, because a lot of commuters were staring directly at their feet, something I had done for all my life. It wasn't possible that they were all shy! Was it just easier to look to the ground so that they didn't have to interact with their fellow commuters? I guessed so, but my heart went out to them. I knew a lot of them were looking at the ground, deep in their thoughts and the problems they had to face in their daily life.

A group of thugs were going through the crowd, making their presence noticeable by being quite loud and making un-respectful remarks to everybody on their way. They actually insulted most of the people and laughing out loud at what they thought were jokes. Their sense of humor was not really understandable. They literally pushed their way through the crowd and one woman even fell to the ground. I immediately went over to her and helped her up. She was more frightened than hurt and the tears were already rolling down her cheeks. One of the thugs saw me help her and called his friends over.

• We have a Good Samaritan here, he said.

I didn't have the time to realize what was going on and was instantly surrounded by the five guys. They looked menacing, but I remember thinking that they probably had had hard times in their past. Nobody comes to the world with such a behavior. I couldn't escape. I was in a situation where I would have to act rapidly and with a very conscious mind. Yes, I admit it, I was a bit afraid.

• Look at this faggot helping old fat women getting up, one of them said. Isn't it endearing?

His face was only a couple of inches from mine. He had a very bad smelling breath that was the result of the use of alcohol and God knows what other substances.

• You shouldn't interfere with our actions faggot! If we want to push someone aside, it is our business and not yours and it is not up to you to act on it. You should mind your own business.

I didn't know what to say, not because of any previous shyness, but because I didn't want to aggravate the situation. I just wisely shut up, but kept looking the thug in the eyes that were bloodshot. He started to push me and as soon as I got a step backward, the thug behind me pushed me back. At the start it was kind of "soft" but they were using more strength at each punch. A few of those punch started to be quite hurtful. I looked around. There were enough people to overpower those five guys, but nobody moved. On the contrary! Everybody tried to get as far away as possible from our little group. A very strong punch reached my stomach and I bent forward and got a knee just under my chin. I saw stars and dreaded to lose consciousness. Another foot reached the bend of my knees and I fell to the floor. Yet another fist reached my face and I could taste my own blood on my lips. It became a chain reaction and they beat me real bad. I got myself curled up as much as I could to avoid any real hard punch to get to one of my vital organs. They went on merciless. They tore at my clothes and believe it or not, I ended almost naked on the platform of the subway. Those thugs didn't know or show neither mercy nor shame. One of them even shouted at the crowd surrounding us.

• You see what happens to faggots who don't mind their own business?

And while he said that, he opened his trousers and got on his knees. The other four grabbed my wrists and ankles and forced me in a spread-eagle position. Man! It hurt! I was brutally raped in front of all the passengers on the platform. That thug entered me without any lubrication or softness. It hurt so much that I lost consciousness.

I woke up hearing strange voices and blinded by a very strong light. A lot of beeps and other strange noises reached my brain. I didn't have the slightest clue as where I was. I wanted to focus on my surroundings, but couldn't. It took me several minutes to realize I was in hospital and probably in Emergency Room. Strangely enough, I couldn't feel a thing. I didn't feel any pain and I roughly guessed they had given me some strong sedative. I fell back into darkness. I didn't know how long, but when I came back to my senses again, all the noise had disappeared. I opened my eyes and saw I was laying in an immaculate white bed. An oxygen mask was over my mouth and nose. I looked to the right and saw that my arm was in a cast. I looked to my left and saw an IV dripping slowly. And then the pain kicked in! My whole body hurt like hell: my arms, my legs, my chest and stomach, my head and above all, my ass. I tried to move, but wasn't able to. A soft hand landed on my left arm. I looked up and a male nurse was looking at me. He had a compassionate smile on his face.

• How do you feel? Any pain?

I wanted to say yes, but my mouth and my chin didn't want to work. I just closed and opened my eyes, hoping he would understand it meant yes. He was clearly a specialized nurse, as he understood my sign. I saw him injecting something in the IV and only seconds later I fell back in oblivion. I didn't know how much time I had been laying there. I woke up several times and there was always a nurse next to my bed, injecting something in the IV that sent me back from where I came. Was I there several hours or several days? I didn't have a clue. I didn't know it if was day or night as the artificial light was on every time I opened my eyes.

On one of my moments of consciousness, I could still feel the pain, but it was bearable. The nurse was there gain and asking me if I felt pain. I managed to shake my head slowly from left to right and back several times, indicating I was not in a lot of pain. He smiled. He took the oxygen mask away and asked it I could speak. With a lot of efforts I managed to tell him "Yes". He smiled again and seemed happy to see I was slowly recovering.

• You are in the Intensive Care Unit of the General Hospital. You were brought in two days ago. Do you remember what happened to you?

Again, with a lot of efforts, I managed to tell him I knew.

• Good! The doctor will come and see you in a minute. I'll go and tell him you are awake.

And off he went, coming back almost immediately with what seemed to be the doctor of the Intensive Care Unit.

• Well, my boy. You certainly frightened us. We thought we were losing you several times, but it seems that that danger is away now. I won't give you a detailed list of your injuries, but you will need time to heal. The most obvious is the broken arms and a broken leg. You have several bruised ribs that will hurt if you laugh! Your face will need some surgery due to the broken bones in it, but we will have to wait till your skull fracture is stabilized. You already had some surgery to your rectum as it was so badly damaged that we couldn't wait. If you feel any pain at all, please tell the nurse and he will give you the necessary painkillers. Now, most important of all, can you tell me your name?

I wanted to tell him to look for my identification in my wallet, but it downed on me that the thugs probably took that away. I did the biggest effort ever to just say my name.

• Tristan Snowden.

• That's a lot better than just "Subway Boy", don't you think?

I weakly smiled at that.

• Is there anybody you think we should warn? Parents? Family? Friends? Workmates?

Oh my! It was clear nobody knew what happened to me. My boss would be pissed! My mother, fortunately, would not be in a worry yet. Friends? I didn't have that many friends who had to be warned about me being in hospital.

• Please, call my boss.

I managed to give them his name and the name of the company. I didn't know the phone number by heart. It was stored in my cellphone, but that as well had probably disappeared.

• Last, but not least. The police wants to talk to you. They have everything on security tape of the subway. I have to warn them as soon as you are capable to answer questions. The thugs are already under arrest. They just need your testimony, as the evidence is as clear as water. Oh, and there is an older woman named Sarah who's been here every day since you were brought in, asking for you all the time. From what she told me, it seems you saved her! You became her hero!

At the next visit to ICU, my boss and Jimmy came in. The look on their faces was one of pure worry. I was happy I had opened up to Jimmy and I even had started to consider him as a friend. I looked at him and saw that he had probably been crying. They were both standing, each at one side of my bed. Jimmy took my hand but didn't say anything. My boss did.

• I was happy to receive some news from the doctor today, although "happy" is maybe not the best choice of words in these circumstances. I was about to write you off the payroll for illegitimate absence. Now that I know what happened to you, you can be assured your job is safe!

That was a huge relief.

• As for the hospital bills, you don't have to worry either. The contract you have with us includes a health insurance and all costs are covered.

How pragmatic my boss was! All practical things were being taken care of.

• The only thing you have to think about now is to get better. You are in good hands here and I know they'll do everything they can to get you back on your feet in no time. Is there anything we can do for you? Do you need us to call anyone at all? The doctor told me that the only person you mentioned was I. Shouldn't your family be called?

I shook my head negatively. I didn't want my Mum to see me like that in ICU. As soon as my speech would be fully back, I would call her. She would be worried to death if she knew or saw me right then. Her general state and her health didn't allow her such a stress. My boss said he still had a few questions for the doctor and walked away. Jimmy looked sheepishly at me.

• Have you been crying? I asked.

The tears were once again about to roll down his cheeks. I squeezed his hand.

• I was so damned worried about you. When you didn't show up at work, I called you, but there was no answer. I tried several times without any success. I just missed the "opened-up guy" you became a few weeks ago.

• Well, now that you know I am alive, get yourself together because there is a chance I will need a friend when I get out of here. I am counting on you, you know?

• Of course Tristan, whatever you need, I'll be there and I can say quite some people at the office will be ready for you as well. They all love the new Tristan we discovered.

I weakly smiled at him. That feeling of knowing that people cared for me was overwhelming. It felt so good! How had I ever been able to live isolated from the world so many years? If I had known how it felt, I would probably have come out of my shell earlier, without the help of the cloudy face. But things were as they were!

Once Jimmy and my boss had left, I was on my own again. The pain was slowly disappearing. Was the wish of "richness of health" kicking in? I thought about those dreams and the cloudy face. He had been more than right, unfortunately. I would never forget the way I lost my virginity. It was nothing like I had imagined, even in my worst nightmares. Strangely enough, I couldn't get myself to hate those thugs who had done it to me. I could find a thousand reasons why they had been doing what they did. The most evident reason was probably the work of the cloudy face: getting rid of my virginity, but that was not all. They'd probably had difficult childhoods, or dysfunctional families, or ... whatever that made do today what they did. The doctor said they were already arrested. I prayed from the bottom of my heart that they would learn the lesson.

For my part, I had learned my lesson, too. I had to be very careful for what I wished and what I was disposed to give up. It made me think of my third wish. I knew I had the time to think about it, and in fact I had an ocean of time in front of me as I was in a hospital bed and not even allowed to get out of it, even if it was to go to the bathroom. The only thing I could do was using my brain.

The nurse was very attentive with me. Clyde, the nurse, looked out for any sign of discomfort and ready to help at any time. He was also responsible for my personal hygiene. Fortunately I was fed by the IV and wouldn't have to go to the toilet for some time. It was the doctor's orders to do so. He wanted my rectum to heal as much as possible before anything had to go through to it. It was only a few days later that the doctor explained to me that the ass-muscles and sphincter, as well as the bowels, had been seriously damaged. They would still wait a few days before doing a complete colonoscopy to see how it was healing. He didn't hide the fact that defecating would be hurtful the fist time. I wasn't looking forward to it!

To perform the colonoscopy, they applied a local anesthetic. After all, they had to introduce a tube with a camera to see the extend of the damage and the healing process. I didn't feel a thing when they did it. That same day I was transferred to a normal ward. The doctor was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I was recovering. Even the CT scan of my head was very positive and they even brought forward the date of my face surgery. I hadn't seen myself (no mirrors in ICU) but Clyde said my nose was going completely the wrong way and the scars around my eyes were ugly. The surgery was an absolute must if I didn't want to go through life as a Quasimodo! The X-ray of my chest showed that the ribs were healing pretty well and it was true I didn't feel any pain anymore in that area. I came to the conclusion that the "richness of health" was indeed very effective.

Once in the normal ward, I had the visit of two policemen. They wanted to know my version of the facts, although they had seen very clearly on the videotapes of the security cameras of the subway. What they really wanted to know was if I would press charges. I asked them if the thugs would be set free if I didn't. They looked quite stunned when I asked that. The fact was that the whole situation was on tape and the proofs were more than evident. If nobody pressed charges, there was a real possibility indeed that they would be set free. Even though I had forgiven them for what they did, I wanted them to learn their lesson and avoid them to do the same to someone else. I signed the papers they presented to me. For me it was not giving them a punishment, but rather giving them a second chance. I crossed my fingers that it would be like that.

The face surgery went well. I woke up with one hell of a pain and my head almost completely bandaged. I didn't need a mirror to know I was totally unrecognizable! That was the exact time my Mum chose to come in. I hadn't called her! Apparently my boss had and he did a very good job as she was not nervous or breaking down at seeing me. I guessed the doctor and the nurses had prepared her for what she was going to see. I have to say my Mum is a very special lady. She got pregnant quite late in her life, at the age of forty-two. She was retired now, but still had the appearance of a woman no older than forty or forty-five. She knew how to take care of herself. She once said she did it for me, as she didn't want my friends to say I had an OLD Mum. She knew how to dress properly and give the image of an active woman. But she was also over-protective! That was one of the reasons I moved out and rented my apartment. Her way of protecting me was (sorry to say so) getting on my nerves.

• Why didn't you call me? Why was it your boss who had to call me to tell me you were in hospital?

She tried to look mad, but didn't succeed. Her eyes were actually smiling and I could see she was happy to see I was alive and in good hands. Of course, I had to explain to her what exactly had happened to me. Strangely enough I had no problems in telling her I had been raped. At first I thought I would be ashamed of what happened, but with her I could really be myself. She sat silently next to my bed and listened to what I told her without saying a word. The fact I am gay had never been discussed and I don't know why she just asked me out of the blue if I was homosexual.

• Yes Mum, I am, I said. But that has nothing to do with what happened. I was just helping an older woman who had been pushed aside and fell to the ground. Why do you ask?

• Well my son, I knew all along that you were different. I had a very strong suspicion that you were gay, but I wondered if you had had any experience of gay sex. If you had, maybe the rape was not so bad in the way that you knew what it was to have someone entering you. Sorry to be so blunt!

Wow! She would always surprise me. Her way of thinking had certain logic, but the fact was I had had NO experience at all in this particular field and I told her so. She seemed really sad and I didn't know if it was the fact I had no experience, meaning I had not had a sexual partner yet or if it was that the rape was even worse by the fact of it. She was really concerned but tried very hard to not show it too much. She desperately tried to be pragmatic, asking for the keys of my apartment so she could go there and get some clothes for when I was discharged from hospital. That's when I realized I didn't even have my keys. I just hoped the thugs had had no time to go over there and do some damage or steal anything. It was not that I had that much yet, but I was so proud of my brand new flat screen TV. She took the matters in her hands and said she would do the necessary and certainly change the lock, even though nobody had entered my place yet.

From then on, Mum dropped by every single day. She insisted I would go home with her when released, but I assured her it was not necessary. I said I had made arrangements already with Jimmy to help me if I was not capable of doing things on my own.

It was exactly two weeks after the rape that the doctor came in one morning. He had a happy but concerned look on his face.

• Tristan, he said, I am very, VERY much surprised. I can't actually believe it and that's why I am going to send you back to X-rays. On the one we did yesterday, there is actually no trace of broken bones whatsoever! It is impossible for bones to grow back that fast.

I went back to X-rays and the doctor came along. He wanted to see it with his own eyes on the monitor. The results were obvious: there was NO trace at all of the broken bones that could be seen on the X-rays done the day I was admitted. That fact was so unbelievable that the doctor hesitated to take off the casts, but then again there was no apparent reason to leave them on. He was clearly stating that it was a miracle. That same afternoon, the casts came off. I could move my arm without the slightest problem. Even that was a miracle in the doctor's eyes. The muscles had been inactive during two weeks and were still functioning as if nothing had happened at all. He asked me to stand up and expected my leg muscles to not be strong enough to keep up my weight. So he asked the help of the nurses to catch me in case I would fall. I didn't! I could actually walk around the room without an effort. I was wearing a hospital gown that was open on the back and I realized I was showing off my ass to the doctor and the nurses. They had all seen my ass before but I saw one of the nurses looking down to it and I didn't know why, but I flexed my ass-muscles a few time to make him know I had seen his stare. When I turned back, the doctor had a smile on his face and the nurse was as red as a tomato.

That afternoon I had an unexpected visitor: the woman I had helped out in the subway station. I recognized her immediately as she was that type of woman you can call a big Afro-American Mama. When she saw me laying in my bad with my face covered in bandages, she had a quizzical look on her face, wondering if I was the man who had helped her.

• What a nice surprise, I said.

She seemed to recognize my voice and suddenly a bright smile illuminated her dark face. Her shinning white teeth contrasted with her dark skin.

• We didn't have the time to introduce ourselves the last time we met, she said, and stretching out her hand she said her name was Dora.

She was so nice and her voice was so soothing. She asked if I remembered what had happened and I told her yes till the moment the pain in my ass was so strong, that I fainted. She told me that someone had taken out his cellphone and called 911. The forces arrived a little too late as I had been brutally raped by three of the five thugs. They didn't care that I was unconscious and all the people were too afraid to intervene, scared that they would be the victim of a similar assault. Fortunately, the ambulance and the medics were there soon as well and I was transported to the hospital.

• I was so afraid and so sad when I saw what happened. You had been so kind to me and I was petrified, nailed to the ground. I couldn't move or say or do anything. Please, accept my apologies for that.

• You don't have to apologize, I said, it is completely understandable. You don't have to blame yourself for anything at all.

We went on talking for the longest time and when she left she said I could call her for anything at all. Just before leaving the room she turned around and told me the strangest thing.

• Be careful what you are wishing for, my friend, because it can happen to you.

And gone she was.

It brought me back to my dreams and the encounters with the cloudy face. I knew that quite a lot of Afro-American women were gifted with the power of intuition and even mind reading. It was known quite a lot of them had connections with the spiritual world, but Dora seemed to have seen my dreams with the cloudy face. Her choice of words leaving my room couldn't be just a coincidence. I actually didn't believe in coincidence. I believed in Destiny and that everything happening in one's life was a predestined occurrence. Even the fact I helped her was something that was predestined. I knew I would see her again even though we hadn't exchanged numbers or addresses. It was most probably that she would visit again and I didn't think I was going to be released from hospital that quickly.

The mere fact of Dora's visit made me think about my third wish, but even more about what I would have to give up. It was so hard to find something that I cherished and even loved and having to give it up. I knew that as soon as I would be back in my apartment, the dream would come again and I would have to make a choice. I had to think very carefully at how I would phrase the wish and the counterpart of it. I had experienced giving up my virginity but without being specific and the result was a stay at the hospital! I had to dig in the deepest part of my brains to find a way to give up something without the negative results of it. Laying in a hospital bed gave me time to think and weight out what to give up, but it was so damned difficult.

I had quite some visitors! It seemed the colleagues at work had organized turns to come and visit me and I even saw some of them and realized I didn't even know their names. They were all friendly and even concerned with my good health. My boss and Jimmy were the ones who came by the most, except for my Mum of course. Jimmy and I had developed an even deeper friendship than before. We learned to know each other better and better. We were very similar, not only physically but also in our daily lives. He was not as shy as I was before my first wish, but he admitted he wasn't the one to go out much and having difficulty to socialize. He was never the one to make the first step, but when someone came up to him, he opened up very quickly. Once he opened up there was a fascinating man to discover with a variety of interests and quite a broad range of things he could hold a conversation with. We discovered a mutual interest in theatre and opera, something that was not so common around people our age (we were both 26). Both our fathers had disappeared while our Mums were pregnant of us. We both moved out of our Mum's place with our first job. I saw that Jimmy was hesitant some times. It looked like he wanted to say something or do something, but didn't dare to. As my shyness had disappeared, I openly said it to him that he could say or do anything he wanted to, not wanting to force him in anyway and opening the door to whatever was coming our way. I didn't want to misread the signs he was sending out. It was not that I hesitated to act on those signs. It was just that I wanted to be sure. He was probably the first and real true friend I had in life and I wasn't ready to jeopardize it for a stupid error in reading a sign.

Then the doctor came in and announced that even though the surgery had been performed only a week before, they would take off the bandages and see the healing process and its work. His face was showing real surprise, as he said that he had never seen anybody healing so fast. I asked for a mirror and could see my good old self without the ugly description the nurse had told me. Of course, it was still bruised and some of the stitches were still visible, but it was me. There was no doubt about that. Seeing my healing was going really fast, he declared he was ready to release me from hospital. I was happy about that, because I started to be really bored. There would be a last examination of my ass and my bowels and if they were ok, the release papers would be signed. Even though I was happy about leaving this place, I also dreaded it. I had the intuition that the dream of the cloudy face would appear as soon as I slept in my own bed and I hadn't made my mind up yet about what to give up. I knew I was going to ask for the "richness of material things or money". Don't get me wrong. I am not a materialistic guy. I just thought that if I had enough money, I would be able to help people out who were less lucky than me. I would, of course, help myself to some luxury that I couldn't afford at that time. I was thinking about buying a place to live instead of renting one. I thought about replacing that old car that leaving me at the side of the road more than on it and things like that, but the main purpose would be to help as many people as I could. I would see that my Mum would never have any problem, although I didn't really know her financial situation. She never talked about that.

The last colonoscopy gave me quite some satisfaction, as the doctor said I healed perfectly well. There were almost no scars at all and it was true that I felt absolutely no pain, even after such a heavy surgery the doctor told me I had received. The release papers were ready and Jimmy came to pick me up from the hospital. The doctor gave me an appointment for the following week because he wanted to be sure everything was all right.

The nurse of ICU, Clark, came by just as he had done almost every day since I left ICU. When he heard I was going to be released he was truly happy for me, but I detected a kind of sadness in his eyes. He wanted to shake my hand, but I pulled him into a hug. I could feel his warm and hard body against mine and I was going to miss his daily visits. My Mum had provided me with a new cellphone and I gave him the number, asking him to keep in touch. He memorized his number in my phone and said I could call him any time. Jimmy tried to be discreet, looking out of the window, but I saw him looking over his shoulder from time to time. We soon left the hospital and seeing the city from the passenger's seat I saw all the familiar places, but paid a lot more attention to them.

Entering my place I realized how much I had missed it. You see, I was proud of that place and what I had made of it. A lot of the things I had (except for my flat screen TV) were recycled items, found on flea markets or even in rubbish bins. I had spent hours and days cleaning up and restoring things and all fit well together. It was my "home" and I loved it. Jimmy was stunned when he saw the place and admired what I had done. While I was at the hospital, my Mum had come by and cleaned up everything. The place was spotless and even the fridge was filled with fresh supplies. As it was already late afternoon, I invited Jimmy to stay for dinner. I went to the kitchen and he sat at the island looking at what I was doing. Cooking is one of my hobbies and even more when I can cook for someone. That was actually a first as never before anyone had entered my place except the delivery guys from the furniture shop and so on. I knew I loved to cook for someone else because in the past I had heard a guy (don't remember who it was) on TV saying that cooking for someone is a proof of love. It meant that you cared enough for someone to want him to stay alive and eating is the most important part to reach that. I thought about it for a split second and realized I would like to find some charity organization that was giving meals to people who couldn't afford it. I would volunteer to help them in the kitchen!

Dinner was simple but good. I had never seen Jimmy devour his food like that. When he was finished, he helped clear the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher.

• That was absolutely delicious, he said, I could get used to that till my last day on this planet!

That simple statement lingered in my head. Jimmy left around eleven, making me promise I would call at any time, day or night, if I needed anything. I memorized his number in my phone and when he left, we hugged. I was sure he wanted more, but I wanted to know him better before making such a step. I had the sensation he wanted to kiss me, but I didn't encourage him. I saw the same sadness in his eyes as I had seen in Clark's before leaving the hospital. I wasn't really sure yet about what I saw, but the thought that they both were somehow attracted to me, hit my mind.

I slipped between the sheets, but I couldn't fall asleep just like that. I was still thinking about everything that had happened to me in the last month. It had been a real rollercoaster, with its ups and downs and at a vertiginous speed. I was now a self-confident man and with a health that would make the envy of the whole world. I knew what my third wish was and I suddenly realized that I had found what I would give up in exchange. It was Jimmy's remark about "till the last day on this planet" that had struck my mind. As NOBODY knows when we die, I decided to give up ten years of my life! It wouldn't really make a difference, as I didn't know the day I would leave this world. So, ten years less was not a problem! I fell peacefully asleep. I was ready if the dream came back and offered to grant my third wish.

As always É this is to be continued if you guys tell me you like it so far. All comments welcome at amahy1957@gmail.com