The Embarrassment of Riches

The Embarrassment of Riches Chapter Twenty-One: The Long Good Friday

The people, places and events in this story are entirely fictional and any resemblances to real people, real places or real events is coincidental.

"It's not like I haven't seen your willy before," said Calvin.

"Er, do we have to call it my willy? I'm not six, you know," replied Daniel.

"We can call it anything you like as long as you let me touch it," Cal answered with a twinkle.

Calvin and Daniel had been dating for two and a half months now but hadn't gone all the way yet. Calvin had demonstrated great restraint by giving Daniel the space and time he needed to be ready to have sex. Daniel had used the phrase "three month rule" and "old fashioned," but in reality he was just cautious. He had been hurt before and didn't want to repeat that; he trusted Calvin not to hurt him now. Daniel had spent their first year at university watching the relationship between Calvin and Johnnie so was understandably worried. Their potential romance had held him back before and in the months since it had become apparent that wasn't going to happen, Daniel still irrationally nursed a fear of Calvin and Johnnie.

"I just want to make you happy," Daniel told Calvin.

"You do make me happy," Calvin said sentimentally.

"I mean really happy," Daniel said, emphasising the word "really" as an implicit substitute for orgasmically.

"I could be really happy in your mouth if you like," Calvin said with a laugh.

"Is that what happiness tastes like?" Daniel said halfway between sarcasm and pondering.

Johnnie was not the whole reason for Daniel's reticence, he also wanted to be a satisfying lover and while Calvin anticipated their first sex he didn't need to worry about being good. When it came to actually performing, he wanted to fulfil Calvin's expectations.

Well, Daniel was as ready as he was ever going to be. It was clear now that Calvin had chosen Daniel and that Johnnie was of the past. Which was why he was going to let Cal play with his willy.

The hour was late, or early, depending on your point of view. The clock blinked "01:01" and the Halls were quiet; Cal and Daniel were huddled in Daniel's room, cuddling with only moonlight to illuminate the room. Which was nice.

They had gone out to dinner with Johnnie and his boyfriend Dean. The double - or when Tom and Connor were available triple - dates had become something of a recurring event. The more time Daniel spent in everyone's company the more secure he became in his relationship with Calvin.

However, Daniel couldn't help but mentally remark upon the Johnnie and Dean dynamic. That was a strange arrangement as Dean used to teach Calvin and Johnnie at high school and still taught Calvin at university. There was a newness to their relationship that made Calvin smile, though Daniel said he had sensed something else in Dean's behaviour. Cal could not honestly say he had noticed anything beyond the footsie he and Daniel had played under the table.

Returning from dinner, Calvin and Daniel had stripped off and climbed under the sheets. Neither had drank much alcohol during the meal – a subliminal acknowledgement of their sexual intentions; alcohol being an inhibitor to sexual arousal and prowess.

Under the sheets, Cal and Daniel were wearing only underwear and as they tenderly stroked each other's arms, both were filling out the material with respective erections. Calvin reached under the sheets first and teased his hands on Daniel's abdomen, edging closer to the waistband and the hard-on inside. Daniel moaned and found his hands stroking Calvin's armpit before groping a pectoral and then kissing his lover.

Calvin was happy to kiss and cuddle while his hand stroked Daniel's cock through the fabric of his boxers. Daniel finally submitted to temptation too and thrust a hand under the cover to grab Calvin's ass. Then Daniel slid his hand over Calvin's hip and gently caressed the rigid contents upfront. Daniel slid his hand into Calvin's underwear and hoisted out his erection; feeling the weight of it in his palm, the thick meat was heavy in his hand.

When Daniel slid down under the sheets, he took Calvin's cock in his mouth and slid it in and out with rhythmic pacing. Slowly, so Daniel could keep up his good work, Calvin rolled over onto his back. Daniel continued to suck on Cal's dick while Calvin himself reached over to his bedside cabinet to retrieve a condom and lubricant.

"Not that you're not doing a great job, but I thought we were going to do the other thing?" commented Calvin.

Daniel looked up with the tip of Cal's dick still in his mouth. Cal smiled back at him and reached down to caress Daniel's face with his hand. Daniel rose up and Calvin's sloppy cock slapped off his belly.

"Roll over," Daniel ordered as he took the provisions off of Calvin.

Daniel sashayed to the edge of the bed while Calvin rolled over to display his pert bottom, which Daniel promptly anointed with lubricant. Daniel was rolling on the condom as Calvin reached over to pick up his vibrator. The vibrating dildo was longer but thinner than Daniel's cock and Calvin used it only occasionally to stop his hole being too tight – and to sate his anal needs while Daniel procrastinated about sex.

Daniel had only recently discovered the pleasures a vibrator could offer; Calvin had showed him the pleasure to be felt even just by placing the juddering phallus under the frenulum. It buzzed softly as Calvin played with the device, teasing the raphe while his hand smeared lube over his buttocks and around his anus. A finger slipped in his own hole too before Cal introduced the vibrator to his hole and the sphincter sent pleasure signals all through Calvin's body.

Laying on his front, Calvin was able to hump the bed, pressing his cock into the soft cotton sheets. Daniel had been enjoying the view until now but was ready to take action; he straddled Calvin's thighs and the vibrator was instinctively withdrawn. Daniel's cock replaced the imitation of one and pressed down on the sphincter with increasing pressure until the head slipped in and Calvin moaned from the sensation of entry.

Daniel felt it too – pleasure shooting through his penis and filling up his body. It had been nearly a year since the last time he had had sex with a man but he was glad he had waited before going all the way with Calvin. The time had given them both the opportunity to discover what the other wanted from their partnership and it had provided distance from the shadow that Johnnie had cast over them.

Johnnie and Calvin had never been boyfriends but they had been intimate and Daniel had worried about comparisons being made. He needn't have feared; Cal was ecstatic with the experience so far.

Cal raised his bottom slightly which caused Daniel's cock to push deeper and harder. As Daniel pushed in more, Calvin was pressed into the mattress and his cock rubbed provocatively against the sheets. Humping the mattress while Daniel humped him from behind was the ideal way to get his cock leaking.

Lubrication really was heaven sent – Daniel's dick glided in and out, exciting the nerves around Calvin's hole while his prostate received mechanical prods from Daniel's probing member. Daniel could feel the warm cave of Calvin's anus accept his penis every time he pressed in and the sphincter of Calvin's hole snapped around him with conscious effort by Calvin to make himself tighter.

Calvin humped harder and rubbed his cock deeper into the sheets and mattress while Daniel continued to take him from behind. Cal felt his dick erupt with splashes of warm cum that covered his groin and abdomen as his frottage waned.

Then Daniel too came, semen flowing until his balls hurt and he could not penetrate any more. Daniel pulled his dick back out and was breathing heavily. They were both breathing heavily. Daniel removed the spent condom and tied it up before casting it aside then he lay on top of Calvin and felt Cal giggle underneath him.

They were both still naked an in that state of arousal between hard and soft that comes from cumming. Calvin could feel Daniel's softening cock against his buttocks and his warm torso against his back. Daniel kissed the back of Calvin's head, his hair having recently been cut severely short; Daniel moved his lips to Calvin's neck and a last Cal shifted until Daniel fell off him.

Daniel landed beside Calvin on the bed and both turned to face the other.

"Did that make you happy?" Daniel asked.

"Oh defiantly," Cal replied.

"Really happy?" Daniel asked.

"The happiest boy in the world," Calvin said sleepily.

They both smiled and then kissed. As they pulled the sheet back up to keep themselves warm, Calvin and Daniel fell asleep with each other's and legs entwined. The post-coital bliss was a lullaby that gave way to a contented slumber.

Johnnie was preparing to board a plane, the strap of his carry-on luggage weighed on his shoulder as he passed the departure lounge. Dean was hiding behind the next door, a wet room with the shower already running.

Johnnie stepped into the room which was clammy from the warm water flowing into the corner of the room. Soundlessly, Dean was beside Johnnie and tackling him to the floor. Dean enjoyed Johnnie wriggling beneath him as he sat on top of him and held Johnnie's wrists to the floor.

Johnnie found himself squirming in his seat as the plane taxied along the runway. He was naked now and Dean was nowhere to be seen in the cabin of the aeroplane that resembled a nightclub but with reclining seat backs and tray tables.

Johnnie's nudity had attracted lots of attention, open amazement and leering and also (not unkind) laughing. Johnnie was perplexed to see country roads rush past the window of the plane. Hadn't they just been on the runway? Why hadn't the plane taken off?

If only he wasn't naked with everyone staring at him; if only they hadn't lost his luggage.

Johnnie woke up.

Johnnie woke up alone. He looked to the other side of the bed which was marked by a Dean-sized absence. It was still early, barely dawn, but he needed to pee so got out of bed and padded to the toilet. Dean had been there where they went to bed together; they had gone to dinner with Calvin and Daniel and then went back to Dean's flat and didn't have sex. Again.

They hadn't had sex for nearly two weeks. Not that Johnnie was counting. Ok, he was counting. But he was counting because they had started having sex very early in their relationship so not having sex was ringing alarm bells for Johnnie.

Unless he was being paranoid?

Why had not having sex was becoming something of a theme all of a sudden? Johnnie wouldn't have thought anything of it except he wanted to have sex and Dean didn't. Johnnie certainly noticed that; why did Dean not want to be intimate anymore? They hadn't waited to get to know each other better like Cal and Dan were waiting – they had Marvin Gayed and got it on after only a few dates.

Maybe Johnnie was over-reacting. Sure, they had only been dating for five but in that time their relationship had blossomed quickly. It had already been physical and Johnnie had gained a sense of what it was like to care about someone romantically. Johnnie was desperate to make romance work. That was by, deep down, he just knew something felt...

Johnnie flushed the loo and his thoughts swirled thorough the cistern, momentarily returning to the dream he had shaken from; the passion between dream-Dean and dream-Johnnie that had felt so real a few minutes ago. Johnnie was on his way back to the bedroom when he heard soft breathing from the living room. Johnnie hadn't really stopped to wonder where Dean was if he was not in bed; Johnnie found him asleep on the sofa.

It hurt Johnnie to watch him, so he stopped watching and went back to bed. But not to sleep, he couldn't sleep now. Why was his boyfriend asleep on the sofa in his own flat and not in bed with him?

A few hours later and he must have dropped off because Johnnie woke up to the smell of coffee and toast. Johnnie emerged from the bedroom in his boxers and was pulling on a t-shirt when Dean looked up from his breakfast and smiled.

"Morning," Dean said brightly.

The smile was genuine - in a way - but it didn't meet the eyes.

"What's going on?" Johnnie asked.

"Er... breakfast?" Dean jested awkwardly.

"That's not what I mean," Johnnie answered wearily.

Johnnie could suddenly see that something had been wrong all week, maybe even two weeks.

"Let's talk later," Dean said, avoiding the conversation.

"Dean," Johnnie said.

Dean looked up at Johnnie with shiny eyes; eyes that were ashamed and guilty and sorry.

"I don't think you want to know this," Dean said sombrely.

"What's going on?" Johnnie asked again.

Dean closed his eyes to marshal his thoughts. He'd been thinking about how to say this since that first call from Benjamin two weeks ago.

"I told you about my ex?" Dean asked without needing a reply; "I told you I make bad choices sometimes?"

"He's back from the country of love is he?" Johnnie asked, his question being less rhetorical.

"Yes."

After a long silence: "And you want him back?" Johnnie asked slowly.

"He wants me back," Dean corrected.

"And what do you want?" Johnnie wondered.

"I want... I want what he wants," Dean said and couldn't meet Johnnie's eye when he said it.

"I thought we had the start of something good? Maybe I fell for you too fast but I thought... I thought you felt the same way about me as I do about you?" Johnnie said.

"I did. I do. It's just... Benjamin makes it hard for me to think straight," Dean admitted.

Johnnie could hardly believe he had gone and done it again – chosen someone who didn't want him.

"You're thinking about leaving me for him?" Johnnie asked, emphasising the last word with unconcealed contempt. Not contempt for Dean but for Dean's jackass ex-boyfreind.

"Johnnie..."

"What? You think I should be happy for you? Or give you my blessing, wish you well? Don't be daft," Johnnie said reasonably.

Dean could understand why Johnnie would be angry with him and yet Johnnie was also so calm – he wasn't being spiteful. Dean realised that Johnnie was worried for him.

"This guy has hurt you before," Johnnie said slowly, desperately; "He's your on, off; on, off, on, off... apparently on-again boyfriend. In what universe is going back to him a good idea?" Johnnie asked.

"It's not a good idea, Johnnie. I know that," admitted Dean with frustration.

"So you would rather be with him... a man who has failed you three times before, than be with me who... who doesn't want to see you get hurt for a fourth time," Johnnie reasoned.

This wasn't how Johnnie thought his day would start. Was he expecting too much from Dean? Was Johnnie expecting too much to be given a chance? Did he just sound as desperate as he felt inside?

"Maybe it'll be different this time," Dean said pathetically.

"So says every abused partner ever," Johnnie said quietly.

"He doesn't abuse me..."

"But he also doesn't love you like I do," Johnnie interrupted.

Johnnie wished he hadn't used the "L" word. They'd only been dating a five weeks but it was something Johnnie felt on the horizon. It was what Johnnie wanted from a man. In-love was an emotion that Johnnie could feel in his bones as the way he would feel if he woke up with Dean beside him in a few months time. He wanted to feel that way.

Johnnie also knew he was desperate to be loved: he had been rejected by Calvin and then watched Calvin and Daniel become so close so fast. Johnnie saw Tom and Connor together and was envious of them too. He wanted that. What was it Cal had called it, the real thing?

Dean knew what Johnnie had meant by the "L" word; it was a place neither of them was in yet, but a place Johnnie was closer to than he was. Which was why this was easier for Dean.

"Ben loves me in his own way. And I love him. I always have. I have to give him another chance," Dean said and was met with a long silence.

"You're right," Johnnie eventually replied; "You make bad choices sometimes."

Dean nodded.

"Have you have sex with him?" Johnnie asked.

Johnnie was wondering why Dean had been so reluctant to be physical. He was wondering in how many ways his boyfriend had betrayed him. When Dean didn't answer, Johnnie had his answer.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be your real thing," Dean said instead of answering the question; "And I'm sorry that we didn't have more time together before Benjamin came back and messed with my head. Maybe things would be different if we'd had more time to..."

"Let's not go there," Johnnie said; he was crushed by the disappointment of having had a good thing going, or starting at least, and losing it. And that it could be taken apart so easily.

"I hope you find the real thing, Johnnie," said Dean.

With a little irony, Johnnie replied; "I hope you do too."

Frazer had agreed to meet Martin, albeit reluctantly. They hadn't spoken since he found out that E.J. and Martin had not only been lovers but also related. Frazer knew he needed time before he could be face to face with his nephew again. Frazer need time because not only had they been lovers, not only were they related but Martin had known E.J. was his dad when they had sex before breaking up. Frazer wasn't sure what to do with information like that.

For his part, Martin had considered lying; or if not lying, obfuscating. He had found it hard to tell his uncle Frazer the truth, the whole truth and "by the way we had sex one last time" truth.

But he had done it.

Martin had found it hard because he knew how Frazer had felt about E.J. all those years ago when he was a boy and he knew that feelings like that are hard to get over. Boy, did he know. So Martin understood that if Frazer still felt that way about E.J. now, then knowing what he and E.J. had done together would be doubly hard for his uncle.

The cat had been set amongst the pigeons: Martin, E.J. and Frazer were now all fully aware of the events that had brought them to this place and their respective roles in the drama that had unfolded. Frazer had done his best to accept things; to hold the world but as the world, a play in which each of them had played a part – but his was a sad one.

Frazer was in his office. He had an office now, offices are cool.

Frazer had been surprised - in a way - to be offered the job as deputy manager of the Stirling Symposium Athletics Club. He had sought reassurance from E.J. that it was because he was the best person for the job... and not for any other reasons.

"You're interview, your references; your experience... your everything was outstanding. My former boss who did your first interview agrees you are the best candidate. But I'd understand... if you didn't want the job now?" E.J. had said.

E.J. had said this a week and a half ago - after Frazer had learned the truth and after Martin had confessed he'd told E.J. everything. Also, after they had had sex again.

"No, I do want the job. I really do," Frazer had said.

"Martin and I," E.J. had said awkwardly.

"Let's not talk about..."

"I think we have to address that particular elephant in the room," E.J. interrupted.

Frazer found himself thinking about a cartoon of an elephant on a therapists couch saying, "Sometimes even if I stand in the middle of the room no-one acknowledges me." Frazer found it used to find it funny, but not right now.

When Frazer had made no response, E.J. continued; "We're not a couple. We are not together. What happened will never happen again. But it did happen and... I hope you can... something."

Frazer smiled at the lameness of the conclusion.

"Forgive, forget, get over it?" suggested Frazer.

E.J. nodded; "I guess."

That was last week.

Having started at the Symposium on Monday, flouting the notice he was meant to give his last employer, Frazer's office was still in disarray. Now, he was waiting for Martin who had been keen to speak again face to face.

"Have you got a minute?"

Frazer looked up to see E.J. but it took a moment to separate him from the expectation of seeing Martin.

"Eh, yes. What's up?" Frazer asked.

Although he expected working with E.J. to be awkward, it was surprisingly comfortable. He had anticipated it being awkward even before finding out about him and Martin because E.J. was the first boy Frazer remembered being attracted to. That feeling had rushed back when they met at his interview. But they were getting on rather well and it was reassuring that the hurdles they had faced had been overcome.

"Hari wants to come back to work the week after next. I hoped you would work on his phased return?" E.J. asked.

They had spoken about Hari at the beginning of the week. He was one of their athletic assistants who had been hit by a bus cycling to work at the end of January and he had been off work for the three months since then.

"No problem, I'll do it this afternoon and bring it to you before you go," Frazer replied; "Are we still planning to keep Johnnie on?"

E.J. had hired Johnnie as a temporary replacement when it became obvious that the badly injured Hari wouldn't be back for quite some time.

E.J. nodded; "I'm not in a hurry to get rid of him," E.J. joked. "Hari won't be full time for a few weeks yet and we could use the staff. So yea, I'm planning to keep Johnnie on."

Besides that, Johnnie was paying rent for staying in E.J.'s house so he didn't want to make the guy unemployed. When E.J. actually made this point out loud, he and Frazer laughed.

"Excuse me, is this Mr Monaghan's office?" asked a joking little voice from behind E.J.

E.J. turned and Frazer looked past him, each seeing Martin at the same time.

Frazer pulled it from the brink of being a shambolically uncomfortable encounter by indulging Martin's facetiously formal address.

A smile pulled at Frazer's lips; "Ha ha, Mr Monaghan?"

Martin shrugged and laughed; "You're a big boss now."

"Second biggest," E.J. corrected.

All three men took a moment to ignore the potential for double entendre with that particular size comment. Martin achieved this by not even looking E.J. in the eye; he hadn't realised it was E.J. who was in the office with Frazer when he had entered. It was nearly two weeks since they had last seen each other but it was the first time Martin had seen E.J. since the unequivocal end of their relationship.

Martin hadn't expected it to be so difficult nor so painful - and he hadn't expected the distance between them to feel so great. They were ships that passed in the night now and no matter what contact they maintained or what friendship they cultivated Martin would always feel his heart was betrayed by the spectre of what could never be.

Martin wanted to turn and run from E.J. but he had to stay and make things right with Frazer. Frazer was family too. But even these few seconds of seeing E.J. - Martin could smell his aftershave now that he was close enough to pass - was painful. Martin wondered if he was being a melodramatic teen about his first break-up these but things were more than just a first break up. Already Martin was wondering how, in the days or weeks or months to come, he would ever be able to stand being in the same room as E.J. (or the same building, or the same country) without his heart breaking.

"I need to go," E.J. said, then reminding Frazer; "I have a meeting with Mr's Slade, Douglas and Hendry, remember?"

Frazer did indeed recall E.J. mentioning the meeting with managers from Aberdeen, Glasgow and Edinburgh It would be E.J.'s first time attending as Mr Jamieson, Stirling manager.

"Bye Martin," E.J. said; "Frazer, we'll talk this afternoon when I get back?"

Frazer closed his office door and sat on a comfortable seat; "Are you going to stand there growing tall or take a seat?"

Martin smiled and then sat down opposite.

"You're the only family I have," Martin said eventually.

Frazer hadn't expected that and didn't know how to respond.

Martin had given a lot of thought about what to say to Frazer. Admittedly the feeling's he still had for E.J. - which Martin had perhaps hoped would just evaporate away rather than linger like fog - had thrown him a little off balance but his desire for a connection to Frazer had not changed.

"I love my mum and dad, the ones who raised me. They're my real family. But you... and E.J.," Martin mentioned E.J. only after a pause; "Are still family. And I want you both to be a part of my life."

"I understand," Frazer said and it was unspoken that that might be difficult after everything that had happened.

"You're all I've got left," Martin said quietly; "I'd like to know more about my birth mum."

"I'd be happy to talk about Laura, Martin. Anytime," replied Frazer.

They both felt more at ease after that – back on equal terms; they were united by the girl that had been a mother and sister and whom neither would ever see again. She was what had brought them together in the first place. She was what they had talked about when they hadn't been talking about Ewan Jamieson.

Nearly an hour of chatting passed before Frazer grew uncomfortable again. This time because he had work to do and he had given Martin more time than he had to spare. Martin understood and jumped to his feet without hesitation.

"Maybe we should all have dinner this Sunday or next week?" Martin asked; he wanted to embrace his family, although he was still unsure if he could stand being around E.J. without wanting to...

"I'll talk to E.J. about that," Frazer answered. "But I really do have work to do now."

"Ok. I kinda have a place to be anyway," Martin admitted.

"Oh, yea? What have you got planned?" Frazer asked.

Martin smiled at the question with a `wouldn't you like to know' grin but replied; "I'm meeting friends at the library."

"Sounds like fun," Frazer responded uncertainly, though certain he was missing something.

"Oh it will be. I'm making amends all over town today," Martin said.

It was a nice afternoon; the sun was out and the temperature was in double digits. It was warm enough for short sleeves and shorts, not hot but pleasantly temperate against his legs and arms. Martin unbuttoned his short sleeved shirt to reveal a vest that showed off his physique. Martin walked back towards the town centre – he could have taken the bus but wanted time to think.

Martin thought about Frazer and E.J. When they had first met, Frazer had admitted E.J. was the first boy he remembered being attracted to and Martin was wondering, not for the first time, if Frazer still held a candle for E.J. Sure, E.J. had had sex with Frazer's sister eighteen years ago but the idea of E.J. and Frazer together would hardly be the weirdest coupling imaginable. The whole idea made Martin's head spin sometimes

He had a passion for English and Martin was confident of getting an "A" when the exam came in a month's time. A few times, Martin had sat down and tried to write about the last seven months of his life, starting with the day he had walked into the Pothos Emporium. Creative writing was good practice but every time he started to tell the story he destroyed it, perhaps because he didn't know how Cocks and Cum (the working title) finished yet.

The appointment in the library had not been a contrivance; Martin really did have plans to meet Sean and Kazuo and he really did plan to make amends. Martin still felt guilty over how he had treated Sean – his careless lack of thought had been very hurtful and Martin wished he had noticed Sean's interest before dashing it. Would it really have made a difference?

Martin would still have been struggling to deal with the E.J. enigma; even now getting over E.J. seemed like a hopeless endeavour. Whatever he had done in the past, Martin had not and did not desire Sean in the way Sean had desired him.

Still, Sean was a handsome boy and Kazuo was a handsome lad too. Martin knew they had explored their sexuality together – with Connor and Matt – once upon a time. Although Connor and Matt had moved on, Martin wondered if Sean and Kazuo might be amiable to... fooling around? A casual relationship? Martin knew where his desire to `fool around' came from: loneliness and guilt.

Loneliness because he had no boyfriend now and guilt because he had hurt Sean's feelings.

Martin wasn't looking for a boyfriend – he wasn't ready for that but he was still a horney seventeen year old gay boy with a penchant for indiscrete nudity. Martin was thinking about being indiscrete when he arrived at the public library.

The library was a two-storey building; it was formally a primary school but had been the library as long as his mother had been alive. Sean and Kazuo were already in the library, secreted in a corner on the first floor.

It was a Friday afternoon, Good Friday even, and the library would be closing in a couple of hours – not reopening until after Easter Monday. Readers, and studying students, had already all but abandoned the floor in favour of the sunshine. Martin wound his way through the shelves and stacks and spotted Sean and Kazuo at a table in the corner. The table was covered in books and notepads and the two lads were in the middle of a seemingly serious conversation.

"What do you think?" Sean asked immediately when Martin arrived at the table.

"About what?" Martin asked.

"We're talking about metric versus imperial measurement," Kazuo replied before Sean could put his own spin on the debate; "Why do people still seem to prefer feet and inches for height and penises rather than meters and centimetres?"

Martin thought about this but a wicked smiled pulled at his lips before he could think of a serious answer.

"What are you smiling about?" asked Sean curiously.

"I'm thinking about a foot long penis," Martin answered.

Sean laughed and Kazuo sighed as he inclined his head in Sean's direction; "That's what he said."

When Sean recovered from the giggles he said; "Now try to imagine a metre long penis."

This time Martin sputtered into laughter.

A while later they were all ensconced in the little corner of the library, speaking occasionally but concentrating on making notes, reading revision or tackling past exam questions. Martin was getting warm and took the opportunity to pull off his shirt to reveal the sleeveless vest underneath.

Sean and Kazuo felt a flush of heat as they checked Martin out. They were also wearing shorts but where Sean had an Iron-Man t-shirt, Kazuo wore a long sleeved white t-shirt – the sleeves of which were blue. Sean and Kazuo noticed Martin's beefy arms immediately; his naked shoulders and the unblemished skin of his collar bone made Sean's penis twitch and caused Kazuo's penis to at least look twice.

Sean had dealt with being rejected by Martin and forgiven him for it and moved on. But seeing him like this – the vest pulled tight across his chiselled chest – reminded Sean that Martin was still an attractive person whom he desired.

Sean was almost concentrating again when movement drew his attention; he looked up just in time to see Martin pull off his vest to sit topless in the library.

It was a warm afternoon outside the stuffy library. The muggy air became even heavier as Martin casually slid off his trainers - releasing his bare feet - and slid them towards the boys opposite him. They each tensed with surprise as Martin slid a foot up and down a leg each of Sean and Kazuo.

Neither Kaz nor Sean quite knew what to do but both were sporting hard-on's and finding it hard to concentrate on their revision. Martin sat looking at his own notes with a pleasantly innocent look on his face, the only thing betraying it was the scandalous smile that pulled at the edge of his lips.

"Martin, be a dear and put this back for me, would you?" Kazuo asked with exaggerated politeness.

Martin took a book - the CfE Higher Maths Success Guide - from Kazuo and stood up. Martin's long and shirtless body was full in view and a moment later his short-clad bum and bare legs and feet were sauntering towards the shelves that held study guides.

"Ok, I'd ask what the fuck he's doing but you have your own `what the fuck is he doing' look on your face... Or you're constipated," Kazuo said in a whispered rush.

"The first one," Sean replied.

"I knew it. Ok, so... are you ok?" Kazuo asked gently.

Sean was surprised by the question; he rather thought there was more mileage in the `what the fuck is he doing' conversation. Having said that, neither of them had more insight into Martin's antics than had already been expressed.

"Course I'm ok," Sean answered uncertainly and unconvincingly.

"Because I know you act like you're over him but I'm not stupid. You're still totally hung up on Martin and if you still want to have his babies... well you're setting yourself up for getting hurt again," Kazuo said sympathetically.

"I'm ok," Sean repeated.

He was a little embarrassed that he was so transparent but touched that Kazuo had been the one to notice Sean had not really moved on yet. When you have feelings for someone, you can't just turn them off.

Sean decided to expand on his affirmation; "Look, you're right. I've still got a big fat crush on Martin but... but he doesn't fancy me. But just `cause he doesn't fancy me doesn't mean I shouldn't enjoy it if he wants to play. I do want Martin to want me but, as the great philosophers Mick Jagger and Keith Richards once said: you can't always get what you want."

Kazuo took in Sean's cheeky grin and added one of his own; "But if you try, sometimes... You promise you won't hate him afterwards? He's not leading you on or," Kazuo was cut off by Sean.

"Kaz. There is no me and Martin and never will be... I don't think... but let me enjoy whatever memories I can have. I'll not be young and stupid forever – I might as well be stupid while I still have the excuse of not knowing better."

Kazuo shrugged, convinced but reticent; resigned but hesitant. Then he saw Martin returning; tall and fair-skinned with lovely nipples and long legs and a penis big enough to distort the crotch of his shorts. Kazuo had already forgotten his concerns by the time Martin was back at the table.

"Hey, what were you guys talking about?" asked Martin with a sly grin.

Sean and Kazuo exchanged looks.

"Say, Martin," replied Kazuo; "Aren't you hot with those shorts on?"

Martin grinned and slipped his hands to the waistband of the shorts. He wasted no time in pushing them down to his ankles and, to prove the point he reached down to take them off and hand them over the table to the boys opposite. Sean and Kazuo felt a renewed thrill when Martin produced not just the shorts but his underpants too.

Martin was naked.

Martin looked back over his shoulder and saw no-one in the vicinity.

"Do you want me to take any more books back?" Martin asked with a glint in his eye.

Sean, who should know Martin better by now, could hardly believe his ears. His mouth had gone dry and no words formed, so Kazuo filled the void by handing over another volume to be re-shelved. Martin took the book and pushed his chair back. Rising slowly, his navel and then his pubes and then his cock and balls came into view in a gradual reveal that made the boys in front of him stiffen their backs and other parts of their anatomy too.

Martin again looked over his shoulder - a bit late to check the coast was clear since anyone behind him would have already seen his perfect arse - and still saw nobody. Thus, completely naked, Martin stalked away with the book in hand and making no effort to cover up.

Martin may have `stalked' away from the table, but inside he was ready to explode. The Pothos Emorium and the Earl of Lennox Boys School were one (or rather two) thing(s) – but this was a public library. Key word: public. Martin was taking his biggest risk yet in exploring his penchant for nudity. Martin recalled the last time he threw caution to the wind and tested his limits and exercised recklessness: he had just broken up with E.J. Is that what he was doing now? Was he repeating history? Was Martin being reckless because he didn't know how else to cope?

He looked around cautiously and frequently for signs of other people; the corner of his eye picking up even the tiniest of movements and his ears so attuned he could hear grass grow.

With the book returned to its almost rightful place – he was too nervous to observe the Dewy decimal system to its fullest – Martin turned to go back to his chair.

But he heard voices approach.

Martin darted to the end of a row of shelves and hopped into the gap; looking carefully over his naked shoulder, Martin could see three boys from his school. Raymond, Simon and Nathaniel were getting closer but didn't appear to have seen him. Martin recalled Raymond catching him naked in the locker room at the Symposium after being shaved; Simon and Nathaniel, both a year younger than Martin, had seen him naked after he had filmed his sex education video. Never the less, Martin did not want them to see him here and now.

Luckily the three boys stopped just short of the end of the shelves and while they searched and chatted, Martin slipped away. He had to cross an open section of the library to reach another row of shelves but no-one saw him. From there, Martin raced forwards and exited through a gap between the shelves and the back wall. He was now just behind Sean and Kazuo who turned to see him flushed and still very naked, which made them happy.

"Problems?" Sean asked.

Martin shook his head.

Then he dived to the floor and crawled under the table.

Just in time too because the three lads he had so effectively evaded moments ago appeared and were coming straight towards the table. Sean's legs bounced nervously and Martin could not help but check out Kazuo, who's splayed legs emphasised the bulge that sat between them. Underneath the table had a faint musky odour: boys in shorts in hot weather would account for that.

"Hey, guys," said a voice that Martin recognised as belonging to Raymond.

"Hi." "Howdie."

Martin thought he heard a slight tremble in Sean and Kazuo's cheery replies and wondered if the new arrivals would notice it too. Then he put a hand on each of their knee's and caressed their bare thighs.

"So what are you two doing here?" Raymond asked.

"Waiting for sex pests," Kazuo replied smoothly.

Everyone laughed and Martin too was forced to stiffle a giggle.

"I meant what are you studding?" Raymond said, sounding a little embarrassed - he was a shy guy.

"A little bit of this and a little bit of that," Sean replied.

"English exams are first up so need to get cracking with that I suppose," Kazuo replied less glibly than his initial answer.

"Cool, well... just wanted to say hi," Raymond said.

Martin thought he could hear Simon and Nathaniel suppress a giggle which caused Martin to wonder if perhaps Raymond had come over to say hi to someone in particular. Regardless, the three boys were moving away so Martin adjusted his position. Still huddled under the table, on his knees, Martin lifted the bottom of Sean's t-shirt and kissed his belly button.

Sean was caught by surprise but not as much surprise as when Martin's hands began to fondle the front of his shorts until he was hard. Then Martin extracted Sean's penis from his shorts - without resistance from Sean - and put it to his lips.

While Martin's mouth began to work on Sean's cock, his hand reached over and groped Kazuo's dick which thickened almost immediately. Martin had seen Kazuo naked in the showers and had once seen him erect when they circle jerked around Mitchell McMann but Martin had never felt his penis before.

It was stocky under Martin's invasive grip but lengthened as he continued to stroke though the fabric of the shorts. Becoming more daring, Martin delved into the shorts and pulled out Kazuo's dick too. Martin continued to stroke Kazuo's bare dick while sucking on Sean's.

Huddled under the desk, naked, with his bum stuck out behind him was not a comfortable position nor was it an easy one for the task at hand. So to speak.

His head had little room to lift from Sean's aching erection without knocking on the underside of the table. His hand too knocked occasionally on the underside of the table as it stroked up and down the length of Kazuo's penis. Martin could feel sweat on his back and chest, perspiration exuding across his arse and tickling in the crack between his buttocks.

Martin's whole body was hot, from the soles of his bare feet to the nape of his neck.

Surprisingly, Kazuo came first; his cock spurting hot cum all over Martin's hand and dripping down the shaft as Martin continued to pump. When he stopped, neither of them quite knew what to do next. Martin would have laughed - if his mouth hadn't been full - as he wiped his cum-covered hand on the carpet of the library.

Emboldened by euphoria and or Martin's total public nudity, Kazuo slid back his chair. He deposited his messy penis inside his underwear and adjusted his shorts so his attire was back to normal. Rising from his chair, the coast evidently clear, Kazuo rounded the square table and got on his hands and knees behind Martin.

Checking the naked boy was clean behind, Kazuo put out his tongue and licked the sweaty crack of Martin's bottom. Martin was hard but focused his attention on Sean's excitement; with Kazuo's tongue probing, licking and prodding his behind Martin's awareness of his predicament became emphasised. He found even more of a thrill.

Martin would be embarrassed if caught but was indescribably turned on by the risk: nakedness and arousal and compromising position – they conspired, along with Kazuo's rimming, to make Martin cum without even touching his cock.

But Martin was to be denied release for now.

Sean had struggled to keep his moaning to a minimum and to an inaudible volume but struggled when the final act came. Martin ably swallowed most of the cum that entered his mouth and he eventually withdrew to catch his breath.

Behind him, Kazuo removed his face from between Martin's buttocks and resumed his seating position while Martin panted and trembled under the desk.

Martin closed his eyes while he toyed with his cock, he was cross-legged under the desk, his back to the seated boys. Sean was putting his dick away and Martin could feel his legs shift just behind him. Then a voice made Martin's eyes snap open.

"What are you doing?"

All Martin could see was a pair of handsome pale legs in trainers.

Thankfully the question was not directed to him – Martin, hidden beneath the table, had gone unnoticed my Mitchell McMann.

"Ehhh... studying?" replied Sean uncertainly, as if the question were a trick.

"No shit," Mitchell replied tersely; "I mean what are you doing studying, in the library, on a brilliant Friday afternoon?"

"Studying," Kazuo said back; "There'll be other sunny afternoons."

Martin got excited as he stroked his cock with renewed fervour. Mitchell had nice legs and when Martin keeked upwards he could see up Mitchell's shorts.

Score! He wasn't wearing underwear.

Mitchell's cock and balls slung long and low in the heat. Martin could imagine he smelled their musk and for all Mitchell was a bit of a dick - in the unpleasant insult sense of the word - he was good looking. Martin stroked and recalled the time he had seen Mitchell completely naked. Then he and Connor, Kazuo, Sean and Matt had cum on him.

Happy days.

Mitchell's unpleasantness had defrosted as he too was evidently trying to study for the upcoming exams; although he was not quite as enthusiastic as Sean and Kazuo were. After a few minutes, Mitchell pulled a chair over and Martin only just shuffled back and across in time, coming to a stop between Sean's legs like a faithful puppy, before Mitchell sat down in front of him.

Martin could no longer see up Mitchell's shorts but he legs were tempting him to be caress or even licked. Martin resisted the impulse. He was still naked with cum on his breath and salivia in his bum. Mitchell became almost pleasant for Kazuo and Sean to talk to. Then, to Martin's delight, Mitchell made himself more comfortable by slipping off his trainers and letting his feet out of their confines.

Mitchell had nice feet too – tracks of blue veins popped from beneath the surface. Martin had a wicked idea. He was still masturbating without Mitchell having any inkling of his presence; he pulled on of Mitchell's trainers towards him and started stroking faster. He wanted to cum in it before the lad left.

Martin was surprisingly comfortable on the floor, his back resting against Sean's hot legs. Martin was getting very close to the end of a quick and unceremonious wank when Mitchell signalled he was "...going out to get pissed tonight so I better get moving."

Martin slid his thumb over the head of his cock and played with the nest of nerves underneath. At the last minute his balls let go and cum spurted into the trainer. He was squeezing out the last drops when Mitchell's chair slid back and his feet searched for his trainers. His left foot found its mark, his right foot did not...

Martin's worst fear was that Mitchell would cause a riot if he looked under the table and caught him but he slid the trainer silently to the floor and Mitchell's foot roamed again until it connected. Thankfully, the obnoxious git hadn't looked under the table to find it. Mitchell slipped his bare foot into the trainer and Martin had to suppress a whoop.

Evidently Mitchell felt nothing immediately unusual. After all it was a hot and sticky day, Mitchell's trainers were probably already moist – that's why he slipped them off in the first place.

"See you's at school next week," Mitchell said as he departed.

By the time school restarted on Tuesday, Monday being `Easter Monday' and therefore a public holiday, Mitchell would probably be back to being a nasty intolerable goon.

"Are you ok?" asked Sean's voice.

Martin stuck his head out the side of the desk and looked up at Sean.

"Yea, I'm good."

Martin slid out from under the desk, checked no-one was around and then stood up. He was still tall and naked, fair skinned and sheening with sweat. Sean and Kazuo also noticed his dick had recently discharged. His cock was eye-level and just inches from Sean's face.

"Enjoy yourself?" Sean asked timidly, dragging his eyes back to Martin's face.

Kazuo caught the tone and renewed his concern about his friend.

"I came in his shoe," Martin replied.

Sean and Kazuo burst out laughing but suppressed it to avoid attracting attention. Kazuo watched Sean watching Martin who had started pulling on his clothes again; it only took a minute for his nudity to be concealed by shorts and t-shirt. Sean waited until Martin was dressed before excusing himself to get cleaned up.

Kazuo took the opportunity to talk to Martin alone; "Do you have any idea what you're doing?"

Martin looked puzzled for a moment and then answered what he thought was the question; "I'm enjoying myself? Didn't you enjoy yourself?"

"Oh I had a great time," Kazuo replied flirtatiously; "You know Sean thinks he's in love with you though, right?"

Martin had been smiling but it slipped from his face with the change of topic.

"I know he had feelings for me, that he used to want more," Martin said carefully.

"Nice try with the past tense," Kazuo rebuked. He sighed; "Look, I'm not trying to attack you here. I'm trying to protect my friend. From himself, mostly. Because he doesn't know he should stop and walk away... he'll always be the one more hurt by this than you."

"You guys fool around all the time, right?" Martin pointed out.

"Yea, but he doesn't want to date me," Kazuo said without bitterness.

"Maybe I'm still figuring out what I want," Martin suggested and in all honesty he did not know what he wanted now he could not have E.J.

When Martin found E.J., he also found his first boyfriend. Then when Martin found out E.J. was his dad, he lost his boyfriend. And in many ways he lost (if he ever really had it) the chance to have a dad. Martin didn't want to disrespect the parents who raised him, but without E.J. he felt like an orphan.

Martin wished he knew what he wanted from life and who he wanted to be with. He wished he knew who he was.

"I just don't want you to mess Sean around, tease him and lead him on before deciding he's not the man for you," Kazuo told Martin. The defensive friend routine was sweet.

"I know," Martin said demurely.

Kazuo wondered if he should not have said anything but was glad he had. He had at least armed Martin with the insight he had lacked last time; last time he had hurt Sean out of ignorance. This time Martin knew the risk he was taking by his interaction with Sean. Just as importantly, Sean knew the risk he was taking too.

When Sean returned there was nothing about his behaviour to cause Martin concern. He seemed quite content with the casual arrangement of their friendship but it played on his mind never the less. Studying actually resumed for nearly ten minutes before the heat and the sun and the lingering smell of teenage sex conspired against them and they decided to go outside and play.

"Be honest, is there something fundamentally un-fucking-datable about me?" Johnnie asked slowly.

"No, no. You're perfectly-fucking-datable," Calvin replied.

"Are you sure? Because you didn't want to date me. And Dean couldn't date me for more than a month without..." Johnnie had arrived at Calvin's room in the Halls in a crappy mood that still had not abated.

"Dean has his own problems," Calvin interrupted.

Johnnie sighed; "I just really liked him."

"I know," Calvin said; "I get it. When you meet a guy you want to be with, you want them to want to be with you too."

Johnnie smiled in appreciation and mentally challenged Calvin to repeat that sentence three times fast but his mood was too crappy to say so out loud. Instead Johnnie blew out a long frustrated breath and lay back on Cal's bed, closing his eyes against the ceiling light. Johnnie didn't bother opening his eyes when he heard the door open.

"You ok, Johnnie-boy?" asked Daniel.

When Johnnie opened his eyes Calvin was busy making a cutting motion across his throat; the universal gesture for 'I'm going to kill you' or `Daniel, shut the fuck up, will you?'

"I broke up with Dean," Johnnie offered.

"Aw, that sucks," replied Daniel sympathetically.

Daniel crossed the room and kissed Calvin then he caught Johnnie avert his eyes, almost as if it pained him to watch having just lost his own partner.

"Would you like a kiss too?" Daniel asked Johnnie.

Johnnie smiled and then chuckled; "I wouldn't say no."

What followed was a facetious assault of kisses all over his face from Calvin and Dean; when they were done, Johnnie wiped his face with his sleeve and sighed again.

"There's someone else out there for you, Johnnie," Calvin said with certainty.

"Yea. I mean there's sixty-four million people in the U.K.," said Daniel. Then, getting into his stride: "If you eliminate the half that is female, it leaves thirty-two million. Statistically, one-point-seven percent identified as gay in twenty-fifteen according to the Office of National Statistics. So that leaves... five hundred and forty-four thousand men..."

Johnnie and Calvin stared bewilderedly at Daniel's info-dump. The kind of exposition they had come to expect from Tom.

"Does he think he's helping?" Johnnie eventually asked Calvin.

Cal laughed, "He's trying."

Daniel smiled with a piss-taking grin of his face.

"So... are we still..." Daniel asked Calvin but was trying not to be insensitive.

"Uh..." Cal answered uncomfortably. "Oh, yea, Johnnie why don't you come?"

"Come where?"

"We're going to my mum's for dinner," Calvin said sheepishly; perhaps because it seemed insensitive to have other plans when his friend was upset.

When Johnnie didn't answer, Daniel chipped in authoritatively; "Come to dinner."

Johnnie just nodded.

"I'm sorry about Dean. He seemed nice," Daniel told Johnnie; "Well, until he broke up with you. Now he's not good enough for you, obviously."

"Thanks," Johnnie said appreciatively.

"Dean went back to his sucky ex-boyfriend," Calvin informed Daniel.

"Oh... was a lack of sucking maybe the problem in your relationship?" teased Daniel and Johnnie laughed in spite of himself.

"Don't think so. You want to evaluate my sucking skills?" Johnnie flirted harmlessly.

"Maybe later."

"So, dinner?" Calvin asked, interrupting the silly banter.

"Yea. Ok," replied Johnnie with a weary tone. "It's sure been a long Good Friday."

"I love that movie," Daniel responded.

"What's it about?" Calvin asked because he hadn't seen it.

"Politics, police corruption, the IRA... Britain's place in the European Economic Community..." Daniel answered.

"So it's a new movie?" Cal interjected.

"No, it was released in nineteen-eighty," Daniel replied with a laugh.

"They should release it again... nobody would tell the difference," Johnnie muttered.

The three boys laughed and Johnnie felt his crushing disappointment lift ever so slightly.

Johnnie still felt let down by losing Dean but the camaraderie of his peers had lifted him up a little. He knew he would be ok. He knew that what he had lost was a relationship still in its beginnings but what he missed was the potential he had seen in it and the closeness he desired. Johnnie knew there would be other men and other dates. Right now he had the company of two men to enjoy... but not in that way.

Embarrassed Boys tumblr - http://embarrassedboys.tumblr.com/archive - recently featured another except from my story (thanks). It's a really neat tumblr page that has said nice things about my work before, so totally check it out :)

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If you are enjoying this story, I have also written:

School Exhibitionism - http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/school-exhibitionism

The Symposium - http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/authoritarian/the-symposium/