The following is the actual story of a chance meeting, and the events that followed it. It had a profound influence on my life.
I have changed the names of the people involved, but all places are the actual places where the events took place. It all happened in the 1970's in South Africa, a very conservative and turbulent place at the time.
It contains scenes with sex between underage boys, but that is not the main thrust of the story. The sex scenes are there merely to tell what actually happened, and are only included where it is deemed to be necessary, to know the circumstances under which it took place and to advance the story line.
It is a poignant tale of love, discovery, triumph and tragedy experienced by two teenage boys.
The Feint Smell Of Rain Chapter 1
"Do you have time?"
I looked at the person who asked the question. He seemed to be about sixteen or seventeen years old. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes and was a little shorter than I was, maybe five nine. He had a good body, although not muscular, as far as I could make out under his clothing. His hair was fairly long and had been cut into a page boy style. He was dressed in bellbottomed denim and red and blue long sleeved t-shirt with All Star sneakers.
I had no idea why he would ask me for the time, as there was a huge clock a few meters above us on the wall. I did not answer back and continued to walk out of the station building. I gave him a last glance and saw an amused smile on his face, which for some reason annoyed me a little.
I took the train into the city as I did quite regularly during school holidays, to visit my favorite bookshops and record bars. I lived about two hours out of the city in a small mining town on the West Rand.
My name is Fred Harris. At the time that these events took place I was fifteen years old and in high school. It was April 1976. Although I was fifteen, I looked much older and could easily have passed for eighteen, even twenty years old at the time. I was five foot eleven and broad shouldered with a narrow waist. I had blond hair, which I combed in a middle path and it covered my ears about half way and just touched my collar. I would have liked longer hair, but it was not allowed at the school I attended. I had green eyes and had a light complexion with a few freckles on my nose and cheeks.
I thought at the time that I dressed quite well. That day was wearing a green bell bottomed denim, a red-brown polo neck top, an imitation suede longish jacket and brown high heeled platform shoes with black soles, all typical of the mid seventies' style.
As I crossed Joubert Street, just outside the station, I again became aware of the presence of the guy who accosted me inside the station, next to me.
"Mind of I walk with you?" he asked.
I gave him a dirty look and continued a little faster while I involuntary felt if my wallet was still safe in my pocket.
"You in a hurry to get somewhere?" he asked again while struggling to keep up with me.
I still ignored him as I turned the corner into Marshall Street towards the Supreme Court. Then I turned into Plein Street. I would usually have stopped at a take away halfway down the block to have a hamburger at one of the tables on the side walk, but I decided to go past it that day, and went on to the Carleton Centre.
When I arrived at the Carleton I went to the CNA and their record section. The guy was still keeping close to me and I kept on ignoring him as I started to browse through the new releases. He also started looking through the records. I discreetly took a glimpse in his direction every now and then and noticed that he did the same.
"What music are you into?" he asked a while later next to me. "This is my current favorite." He held up Bachman Turner Overdrive record cover for me to look at.
During the previous half hour I had the time to size him up carefully. He looked fairly harmless. I decided to answer. "I am more into folk, Joan Baez and Donovan, at the moment."
"Ah, you can talk!" he said with a big smile on his face. "My name is Ben. Hi."
"Fred", I introduced myself.
"Hi Fred, nice to meet you." He offered his hand and I shook it. "I do not really know Joan Baez, but I do have Donovan's Cosmic Wheels at home. I don't know if I would class it as folk though."
"Never heard it.", I admitted.
"Go and listen to it. I am sure you will like it.", he said as he handed me one of the records from the shelf.
I took the record from him and walked towards the listening booths. He took another record and followed me. I handed the record to the attendant who put it on the turn table and handed me the earphones. I sat on the stool and listened. It was definitely not Donovan as I knew him. The music was more rock than folk orientated. I was not sure if I like it.
I got lost in the music and was startled when I felt a hand on my shoulder just as the last track on the A side started. I looked around. It was Ben standing beside me with a huge smile. He talked, but having the ear phones on, I heard nothing he said, just saw his lips move. I removed the earphones.
"So, how do you like it? he asked, beaming another smile.
"Not the Donovan I am used to." I gave him my honest opinion.
"It will grow on you." he said. "You hungry?"
"A little," I answered "I usually stop at the Take Away on Plein Street on the way here, which I did not do today."
"Ha, scared you had to share with your tail." he said with a big smile.
"Um... not really... maybe." For a moment I had been taken aback by his words. He seemed to take pleasure in the fact that he had followed me all the way.
"Come, I'll stick you for lunch." he said, still with that wide grin on his face.
"I... I don't know..." I was continuing to be apprehensive about this guy who just wouldn't let up. I did not know if he was to be trusted. I was by nature wary of strangers.
"Come on! I won't bite." he said with a wink. "Let's go to the Boulevard down below."
"That place is expensive!" I let him know.
"I know, but I said I'll stick you, so do not worry about it being expensive." he said, taking my hand before I could protest any more and dragged me out the door behind him towards the escalator.
As we reached the escalator, I realized that he was still holding my hand. I quickly withdrew my hand from his. As my hand left his, I saw him give it a quick glance before he looked up at me and winked at me, with that huge smile again.
At the restaurant we were quickly seated. I noticed that he was quite at ease in the place, and that the waiter seemed to know him. I was a bit lost looking through the menu, as I had no idea what I should order.
"Can I suggest the Rainbow Trout.", he said as if he had sensed my predicament. "You ever had trout before?"
"No, cannot say I had." I answered.
"Well, here you will have the freshest and tastiest Trout you'll ever have." he encouraged me. "Two Trout it is then? Wine?"
"I... Are you old enough to order wine?" I asked.
He leaned closer to me from where he sat on the opposite side of the table. "Not really, but if you do not rat on me, who will know?" he whispered, "You look old enough, you order then."
"How old are you?" I asked.
"Sixteen. You?"
"Eighteen.", I lied myself older than what I really was.
"You order then, but the waiters and the manager here knows me. I have no problem ordering, but go ahead, have the honour." he said.
"OK, what wine should I order?" I asked.
"Fish... White wine with a tang." he said pensively to himself, while he looked at the wine list. "Nederburg Riesling?" he asked looking at me.
"I have no idea," I answered "but you seem to know your wine."
"The Riesling it is then." he said while trying to get the attention of a waiter.
We placed our order for the wine and the food. I was getting more at ease in his presence. He was very talkative and had a great sense of humor. We talked about the music and movies we liked, until the wine arrived. The waiter poured a small amount in my glass. I looked on wondering why he did not fill the glass or poured some for Ben as well.
"You ordered. You should taste if it is fine." he whispered with a wide smile on his face."
"Oh, sorry..." I said embarrassed and felt the blood push up to my face. I tasted the wine and gave a nod to the waiter, who filled Ben's glass and then mine.
"Do not worry... ", he put me at ease after the waiter had left our table."You are obviously new at this. Nothing to be ashamed of, we all have to start somewhere." he chuckled. "I do not really understand the custom myself. I mean... are we really all wine experts? And what if you decide you are not happy with it, are they going to dump it down the drain and bring another bottle?" He put on an impromptu show ridiculing the process, and I could not help to laugh at his antics."
"You live in the suburbs?" he asked once I calmed down.
"No," I answered, "I actually come from Randfontein. Do you know where it is?"
"Never been there," he said, "but I have heard about it. I live here in the city, Braamfontein... always have, ever since I can remember"
The food arrived and he proudly showed me how to flare the fish to remove the backbone and bones on the inside in one go. I could not help to be intrigued by his beautiful hands with perfect skin and long agile fingers.
While we ate he waxed lyrically about the special qualities of the trout. "Taste the freshness. It is as if you can taste the fresh water from the stream it was caught in. Actually, now that I think about it, these are from Magalies, where they farm it in ponds. It is freshly delivered here every morning. I always have the trout when I eat here."
I did not say much in return as we ate. I just looked at him wondering what he was all about and what his motivation had been for following me.
We finished the bottle of wine when we were about halfway with the food, and he called over the waiter and ordered another bottle of the same wine. I was not new to alcohol, but not drinking very often, the wine quickly went to my head. I felt more relaxed in his presence and he was funny and seemed to be a very nice guy.
We finished our food and sat and enjoyed the last of the second bottle of wine. He still did most of the talking and I did most of the listening. He spoke about nothing of real significance, just goofing off about the scenes he has seen in the city. He asked questions often and I answered his personal questions with as little information about myself as possible.
"You still a bit wary of me aren't you?" he suddenly asked, after one such question.
"Well," I said, "I have only known you for... ". I looked at my watch. With a shock I realized that it was much later than I had thought. We had been in the restaurant for about two and a half hour by the. I enjoyed his company so much, I have lost track of the time. I needed to take the train back home soon, if I wanted not to be late. "Oh, fuck it; if I do not leave very soon, I am going to miss my train!"
He smiled at my choice of words and immediately stood up from the table."Then we have to go. I will quickly go and pay, wait for me at the door."
I got up and walked to the outside of the restaurant. I watched him as he paid at the restaurant pay point. He was quite handsome. His face had the blushing, red cheekedness I loved. He had beautiful skin and his hands were quite animated as he was having a discussion with the guy behind the counter. He had red lips that easily broke into a smile, and beautiful straight white teeth.
I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was gay, although still deeply closeted at the time and I wondered if he was too. His charming and friendly demeanor and great sense of humor had intrigued me and I decided I liked him.
Ben and the guy behind the counter both glanced in my direction every now and then as they spoke. Just before Ben turned around to leave, the other guy looked in my direction, laughed and gave him a playful push on the shoulder. I felt a little embarrassed, as I was obviously the topic of conversation. While I was still wondering what it was all about, he rushed out towards me with a big smile.
"Come," he said "I will walk with you to the station."
"What was that about?" I asked suspiciously.
"What?" he wanted to know. He had a puzzled look on his face.
"You were gossiping about me in there, weren't you? I do not like being made fun of."
"Made fun of? What makes you think that?" he asked with a frown on his forehead.
"I saw the two of you looking at me and laughing." I felt slightly hurt. I had done all I could the whole morning to ignore him, but he would not let up. Now after I had warmed to him and decided that I quite liked his company, I realized that he might have had a different take on the situation to mine. I walked away from him and went up the escalators and towards the outside of the centre.
He followed. "You have it wrong. We did not make fun of you. I know the manager there very well... and yes, I did talk about you, but I did not make fun of you..."
"Then why did he laugh?" I asked, as I lengthened my strides.
"Wait!" he said, stopping in front of me.
"I have to get to the station or I am going to miss my train. Please get out of my way?" I walked around him towards the station.
He followed me as I walked away. I tried my best to ignore him next to me, but I noticed that he had a pained expression on his face. We walked in silence and arrived at the station ten minutes later.
"At least let me explain!" he said when I was standing at the window to have my ticket checked. "I see your train only leaves at five past three. You have fifteen minutes, ten at the most, before you have to go down to the platform. Please, let me explain!"
I turned around facing him, without saying anything.
"Having lunch with you... You know, usually I do not pay... I... I decided that I like you. That is what I told the guy at the restaurant, and that's why he laughed. He did not believe me, because he knows me."
"Why wouldn't he believe you?" I asked, and immediately regretted the question. I did not want it to sound as if I actually cared, although I did. Nobody had ever told me before that they liked me, at least not in the way that I thought he meant.
"It doesn't matter why." he shrugged off my question. "What matters is that I like you, and I thought that maybe you were gay like me. If you are not, I apologize... really."
"I... I..." I had no idea What to say. Should I tell him that that I am gay? I had never put it in words to anyone before, but I also knew that I wanted him to know.
"I am sorry." he apologized again.
"No, don't be. I... I am..." I still could get the word out.
"You are... what?" he asked, while he quizzically looked at me.
"Gay." I eventually admitted.
"You are? Great!" he said with a huge smile on his face. "I knew my gaydar would not forsake at a critical time like this. Can we see each other again?
"I... I think... maybe." I was lost for words and did not know what else to say.
"You think, maybe!? It's alright, at least." he said with a wink and a twinkle in his eyes. "Do you really have to go now?"
I knew I did not want to go, but I also knew that I had to. "Yes, I am sorry, I have to." I looked at my watch. I had to go down to the platform. "I have to go!"
"I will be here tomorrow at the same time I met you today. Please come again!" he pleaded.
"I'll try." I knew for sure that I would try my best.
I turned around and walked up to the window to have my ticked checked. Then I walked down the stairs to the platform.
"See you tomorrow!" he called out behind me.
I turned and waved goodbye.
Just as I arrived on the platform, the train pulled into the station and I boarded and went and sat by a window seat. The train, particularly the first class section, was fairly empty during that time of the day. The office workers only knocked off later.
I sat watching the familiar scenery outside speed by, but I hardly noticed anything. I replayed the events of the day over and over in my head, especially Ben's confession that he was gay and liked me. I had to admit to myself that I liked very much.
I had a flutter in my stomach, and before I reached my destination I decided that I will definitely be there the next day. I had this feeling that my life, as I had known it, had changed forever.