The Funny Thing Is

The Funny Thing Is... Facing My Fears Was What I Was Really Afraid Of

When I was a kid, I suffered from very real night terrors. For the longest time, I couldn't sleep without a light or a security blanket, and even then, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to fall back asleep until I saw the sun. I thought I was over that very specific kind of insomnia. It was only after growing up that I realized I didn't suffer from night terrors. I suffered from a very real fear of being alone.

After Chase left that night, I wondered if this was how it was going to be. Could I live with Chase being on 24/7 call, the back of his mind glued to the fact that the guy he'd been loyal to for half his life was constantly on the verge?

I rolled over, hugged myself, and asked myself the tough question.

It was too early in this new phase of our relationship for me to second guess my decision. I had literally just made it. But at my age, there wasn't a fuck around grace period. Deal breakers were deal breakers and they weren't likely to change.

The difference was, this time around, I knew what I was getting into. The equation was simple. Chase had his baggage, and I had mine, and when you put us together, that baggage didn't magically go away. And as I lay there thinking about it, I couldn't help but wonder. What did Chase plus me, divided by Morgan equal?

And after forty minutes of laying in bed alone trying to solve the equation, I decided that I wasn't getting any sleep. Instead of forcing it, I got up, logged on to my laptop and began typing.

"What the hell is this?" Mason asked from across his desk when I drove the results of my insomnia to his office the next morning at ten.

"It's a start," I replied.

"A start of what?"

"A new concept," I said, shifting in my seat. I didn't want to show him that I was nervous. I wanted him to think that I had planned this whole thing out, when in reality, I had been left in bed the night before and because I couldn't sleep, I'd come up with a solution to my problem.

"So let me get this straight. You want Knowles to pull The List and replace it with what? The gay version of Sophie's Choice?"

When he put it like that, it sounded stupid. But it wasn't. It was my idea to write about where I was at the very moment. After All Cooped Up, I thought I had figured it out. Instead of going backwards and showing my readers where this drama had started, maybe the key was to go forward and show them where I had gone after.

And hence Chicken Coop was born. At three in the morning, in my empty apartment. I started thinking about choices. The choices I had made and the choices I was yet to make. And at the heart of Chicken Coop was my fear of choosing. I had always been that way, dating back to as long as I could remember. What if I chose the wrong way and lost another twenty years of my life? I was too chicken to choose back then, and I was too chicken to choose now.

"Look, Cooper, I get what you're trying to do here, but I don't think Knowles is going to go for it. They think The List is going to breakthrough and be a crossover hit. Everyone wants to know why you were all cooped up to begin with."

"If I release The List, I will be fired from my job," I said, pointing at every word with my voice. I had decided that it wasn't an option. Even if my kids got to choose where they stayed, there would be the question of visitation rights, child support, and whatnot. I couldn't ruffle any legal feathers by appearing like my life was unstable in the slightest.

"Cooper, the publishers are ready to move forward. There's no way you get this done in time to have it edited, marketed, and released by their projected time frame. Do I need to remind you that..."

"We've already pushed it back twice, blah, blah, blah," I said. "I get it, Mason, but this is when I need you to step up. Go in there and sell this idea to them and make them realize that it's worth the wait. I can't afford to lose my job."

"And I bet you can't afford to lose this contract either," he said. I could tell that my S.O.S. call that morning followed by my email and office visit had stressed him out. After a pregnant pause, Mason looked at me and tilted his head. "Look, I will plant this seed with the powers that be in the publishing department. But if this is green lit, they're going to want it out yesterday, so I would suggest you let go of anything you have planned, and getting to writing."

"When will you know?"

"Coop, just let me work on it, and I'll let you know when I know. In the meantime, pray that they remember just how much money All Cooped Up made them."

I smiled, shook Mason's hand and left his office. It was a cold retreat for the two of us who had once been so warm. I knew Chicken Coop would strike a chord because there were a million guys like Mason out there who could relate. They had made easy choices because they were too afraid of the difficult ones. I wasn't going to say that after twenty years I'd finally made the right choice, but after twenty years, I'd finally made the tough choice.

And now I had to choose again.

As I left Mason's office, I called Chase to find out what had happened with Morgan.

"He's fine for now," he said. He sounded far away, as if he was talking inside some hollow cave.

"What happened?"`

"He showed up at the hotel drunk and probably coked out late last night. The front desk attendant wouldn't let him up to the room, so he called me."

"Where are you now?" I asked. My eyes narrowed, and I fought back the familiar feeling of jealousy. I had chosen Chase. This was supposed to be our time to revile in that choice, but Morgan had thrown a serious wrench in that. And for that, I resented him.

"I'm at St. Christopher's detox facility in Granbury," he said. He sounded tentative. I knew St. Chris's. It was a very discreet inpatient treatment facility where all of the socialites from Plano or Southlake sent their trust fund babies to dry up without fear of anyone important finding out. It was also two hours away.

"Oh," I said, trying my best to sound nonchalant. "When are you coming back?"

He could sense what I was implying.

"I promised CJ I'd be at his match, right?" Chase replied. He sounded hollow and tired and I felt bad for getting briefly upset. "And I think I agreed to baby sit at some point."

I couldn't help but smile.

"I'll see you Saturday, gamin," he said.

"I love you," I replied. As I finished the drive back to the city, I couldn't help but kick myself for having the world's poorest timing. If I hadn't wasted time being upset with Chase and forcing him to prove himself, we wouldn't be getting interrupted at such an integral time in our relationship: the new beginning.

I wondered how long Morgan would loom in the shadows. How long he'd be a part of our lives, being the white powder dusted elephant in the room. How long would Chase's mind be two hours away, on a ranch in Granbury thinking about a guy he couldn't save?

I was partially grateful for the empty apartment and the lack of sleep it afforded me. I spent another night typing away as I yawned my thoughts onto the screen. I dissected the choices I'd already made in life, categorizing them between safe and risky. I went in depth into choosing between Kyle and Chase. I talked about the choice I'd made between keeping my family intact and tearing them apart.

And even though I doubled my output from the night before into something that was starting to resemble a book, I couldn't get over the fact that Chase was with Morgan and not with me.

I told Spencer about my gripe the next afternoon when we went outfit shopping for Kyle's quickly approaching party.

"I'm sorry, can you not have a normal relationship ever?"

"Says the guy who's probably dating an ice capade dancer at this point," I replied. It was clear that there was no sympathy lost in Spencer's mind. If I had chosen his best friend, I wouldn't be in this mess, and he didn't need to say the words for me to know how he felt.

"I'm just glad he won't be at the party after all," he said, flipping through a rack of suit jackets. He pulled his 42 long in a faint cement herringbone and held it up. "I seriously can't believe you thought that was a good idea."

"Spencer, you'll have to see him eventually," I said. "He's in my life."

"Yeah, not if he stays in Granbury." There was a cutting tone to my friend's voice, and it was much sharper than usual.

"Is everything okay with you?"

"Finally you ask," he said. "We've been talking about you for as long as I can remember, but no one asks how Spencer is doing."

"How are you doing Spencer?" I asked, making a mental note not to let it go that he was still adverse to seeing Chase even after all these years.

"I'm good, Cooper," he replied. "Except for the fact that Troy Davis and I had the talk last night."

I turned to my friend, my eyes wide, and my mouth agape.

"The talk?"

"Well, maybe the pre-talk," he replied.

"Still, that's a step," I said. "Will he be joining us at Kyle's tomorrow?"

"Oh, hell no," Spencer said. He looked around and motioned for a sales associate. He asked the guy to get us a couple more glasses of champagne from the café within Neiman's.

"So what was the result of the talk?" I asked.

"Basically, he wanted to know if I was seeing anyone else," Spencer replied. "And I told him I wasn't. Or better yet, I told him that I hadn't since we started going out."

"Like a week ago," I reminded him.

"I know. Is that fast? I mean, we talked about keeping it casual, but literally, we've been out every night this week except one," he said. "So it's kind of fast, isn't it?"

I nodded and took my glass from the guy.

"It's a little fast," I said. "But it's not like I have any room to talk."

He nodded, sipped his drink, and we went back to shopping. I could tell that dating Troy Davis excited Spencer in a way that nothing had in a while, and so I listened, encouraged my friend and kept it at the back of my mind that I did, in fact, think they'd had the talk a little too fast.

Two hours, four glasses, and two overpriced outfits later, and we were both readily outfitted for the next day's festivities. After shopping my afternoon away, I swung by the Highland house and picked up CJ.

The girls were inside putting the last minute touches inside their suitcases.

"You're only packing for three days, Lizzy," I said to my daughter when I went up to her room to kiss her goodbye. "Try to leave something behind please."

"I took options because I have no idea what the weather will be like in Chicago."

"Funny, they invented something called the forecast a while back. I think you can access it on this thing called the Internet via another device called your phone."

"Dad."

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I love you. Have fun. Listen to your mother. Don't get lost."

I meant everything I said. I wanted her to go and have fun; I just didn't want her to have enough fun to want to stay there. I knew it was a dangerous game, letting her go off and explore this brand new city. But there was no way for me to stop her. I just prayed she saw it as a place she'd love to visit more than she'd love to live.

I hugged her goodbye and then went in to my old bedroom to say bye to Devon.

"I'll drop CJ off on Sunday," I said in a very businesslike fashion. Devon barely looked up to acknowledge me.

"Okay," she replied. "We land at eleven though, so maybe he should stay at your place until Monday after school."

"That works," I said. I stepped in and closed the door quietly behind me. "Listen, I sort of want this whole kid's choice thing to be fair. Are you getting them anything? Anything big?"

"Like what?" she asked, clearly annoyed. She flipped her head at me, sending her hair flying behind her face.

"I don't know. Apparently the judge warned them against extravagant gifts and whatnot," I said. I was choosing to overlook the trip to Chicago as an elaborate gift. If she planned anything above that, I would have to say something about it.

"Don't worry, Coop. I'm not trying to buy my children's loyalty." She went back to stuffing her designer trunk with expensive clothes.

"I'm glad we're on the same page, then," I said. "I want them to pick based on the facts and their gut. And I want them to pick together."

"Yeah, we all got that. You don't get extra points for doing one noble thing, you know that, right Carpenter?" Her words stung pretty badly. When I suggested that the kids work together to make a choice, it wasn't a selfish attempt to win any brownie points. It was because after talking to Chase, I truly believed they were better off as a unit and not split up across the country.

I retreated quickly, icily said goodbye to Devon, and then met CJ downstairs.

"Ready for a boy's weekend, kiddo?"

"For sure," he replied with only an ounce of enthusiasm. He sounded so much like his sister when he wasn't excited about something. He ran straight to his room like he always did when we got back to the loft. I let him hang out as I typed away, this time reading over what I'd already written and trying to organize it into unified sections.

"Hey, killer," I called up at about eight. "What do you want for dinner tonight? I'm between pizza or gyros from Stratos."

"It's whatever, Dad," he said, emerging for the first time at the mention of food. "What do you and Chase want?"

I had successfully avoided lamenting the fact that this was supposed to be a three-boy boys weekend, and one very important member of the boy's club was missing.

"He actually might not make it in tonight," I said, deciding on pizza. I pulled up the number to Pizza Hut and dialed them. "But he'll definitely be there tomorrow."

CJ gave me a quizzical look, like he didn't actually believe me.

"Did y'all break up again?"

"No we did not break up. What is wrong with you?"

I could have come up with an elaborate story explaining where he was, but instead, I turned around and started talking to the pizza man.

While we waited for the pizza, I somehow coerced my son not to hole up in his room and instead watch a scary movie with me. We ordered the latest screamer on the television. I popped popcorn and made a mocktail for CJ and a cocktail for myself.

Thirty minutes later, the doorbell rang. I sprang up to get my check card.

"Ceej, would you get that please while I find some money."

I disappeared into the bedroom, and when I came out, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn't the pizza man at the door, but someone much more special.

"Hey!" I squealed, a little too excited I decided. "You made it."

"I promised I would, didn't I?" he smiled, crossed the living room and hugged me. The last time he tried to kiss me in front of my son, I turned away quickly and he barely grazed my cheek. This time, he didn't even go for it. Instead, he kissed my neck, pealed off his coat, and asked what we were doing.

"We're about to watch a scary movie," I replied. "As soon as food gets here."

"Good deal, because I am starving," Chase replied. He followed me into the kitchen while CJ set up shop, flipping channels on the TV.

"Want a drink?" I asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe."

"How is he?" I poured vodka into the bottom of a Collins glass. "Cran or soda?"

"Tonic, if you have any. If not, then soda is fine," he replied. "And he's okay for now. He's under 72 hour surveillance, so I can rest easy until Sunday."

"Well, that worked out, didn't it?"

"Sort of," Chase replied. I could tell he was still hesitant about being two hours away from Morgan. I mixed his drink and led him back to the living room.

"Hey dad, my friend Niko just texted. Apparently, he's having some guys over to play video games. Can I go?"

"Killer, it's already eight and you have to wake up super early in the morning," I said.

"I think you meant to say it's only eight. I'll be back at midnight, promise. Please," he insisted. I involuntarily looked at Chase for help on that one. I wasn't sure I was ready to trust CJ out with his friends on a Friday night, what with the whole Liz fiasco and his penchant for having that Samantha girl show up wherever he was.

Like any smart kid, CJ sensed my hesitation, and instead of letting me decide to say no, he interrupted my train of thought with completely new logic.

"I mean, Chase is here to keep you company. I'm sure you two could use the alone time..." he let the end of the sentence linger.

Chase turned to me, leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I think you should listen to him."

My dick twitched just a little at that.

"Okay, but I'm coming to get you at midnight," I said. "No negotiation."

"Sweet!" he sprang up and raced upstairs to get his shoes on. Before I even had a chance to pull myself away from Chase and get mine on, he was back downstairs.

"Dad, come on. I don't want to miss the first game!"

"Okay, okay," I replied. I slipped on some slippers, grabbed some keys, and ten minutes later, I was circling around a block in Highland Park looking for Niko's house.

I talked to Niko's mom briefly. She was a charming little Asian woman who was so used to having kids over at her house, she had a second fridge stocked with soda and fruit snacks. She reassured me that it was not a problem, and that only a couple boys were over. I said I'd pick him up at midnight, and she told me that her older son could drive him home if I wanted.

After thanking her, I drove home filled with anticipation for a few hours alone with Chase.

And then the thought hit me. What if it happened again? What if he got another call? What if two nights ago hadn't been some sort of random occurrence? What if I was destined to living with a guy who was on-call forever.

I tried to push the thought out of my mind and replace it with something sexy as I parked in my spot and bound up the stairs. When I opened the door and walked in, the place smelled like Italian sausage and tomatoes. I found Chase sitting at the bar, stuffing his face with pizza.

"Sorry gamin, but I was starving," he said. I chuckled and wrapped my arms around him.

"So am I, but not for pizza," I replied. I wrapped my arms around him and caressed his impossibly firm chest. He arched his neck back and let me kiss it. A second later, he put his piece of pizza down, swiveled around on his barstool and pulled me into the crevice that his legs created.

It was like a dial had turned our passion to max in a little over one second. As soon as our tongues met, I was ready to haul ass to the bedroom and fuck the night away.

I felt Chase harden right there next to me as we ground our dicks together and made out like kids under the bleachers. His big hands held my face firmly as his tongue assaulted my mouth. It was unreal how amazing his kiss was.

Before long, I couldn't stand grinding my impossibly hard cock into his without letting it go. I reached between us and undid the four buttons on my jeans. A second later, I did the same to his pants. He leaned back, lifted his butt, and his pants fell to the ground, and his cock sprang up and hit his stomach.

I let go of his lips for a second, grabbed his dick, and smiled at him.

"I love you," I said, giving him a squeeze. He moaned into my mouth and ravaged my mouth again like it was going out of style sometime soon. As I tugged on him firmer and firmer, Chase began to pulse his pelvis towards me until his ass had slid to the edge of the stool. He leaned his back onto the bar, and I took the cue in stride. A second later, I leaned down and took the entire length of his dick into my mouth.

I sucked it in hard, and immediately tasted the sweet drops of precum.

"Holy fuck," he squirmed. I looked up to see that Chase was using the edge of the bar to steady himself as his hips rocked back and forth, forcing his cock deep into my throat. As he slid even further down the stool, exposing his ass, I decided to use one hand to play with his ass and the other to trace across his body.

As my right hand slid up his side, feeling his taught frame, I used my left to massage the area between his balls and his ass.

"Oh fuck, babe," he breathed in sharply. I spent some time on his nipples while applying a little bit of pressure at the entrance of his asshole. The reaction was electrifying and I didn't know how long I could go without squeezing my own cock.

Chase reached down and cupped the back of my head with his huge hand and pushed me down even further onto his cock. I moaned deeply, causing a wave of vibration to coarse through his body.

"Oh fuck," he winced a little bit louder. I could tell that he was more than enjoying my treatment, especially when I slowly pushed through the entrance of his ass and slid my middle finger all the way in.

"Oh fuck yeah," he moaned, massaging the back of my head. I slid my right hand further up on his chest and a second later, Chase took two of my fingers into his mouth and sucked them in deeply. I followed his lead by sucking even deeper on his dick. His pelvis bucked at the added pressure, causing my finger to slide even further into his ass, grazing his sensitive little prostate to the left.

"Oh fuck, gamin," he moaned. "Oh my god."

Chase filled my mouth with what I thought was more precum, but his cock just kept on leaking. A second later, a huge spurt of hot, salty, cum hit the back of my throat.

"Oh fucking god. Holy shit," he squirmed. His orgasm was huge and powerful and I had to concentrate on the task in order to swallow every last drop. The little bit that did drip out of my mouth and onto my chain made its way up to Chase's mouth in another one of his electrifying kisses.

"Now let's work on you," he whispered. He pushed me back onto the couch, taking my hard dick in his hands. As he crawled on top of me, pulling at my cock and kissing me deeply, I knew I wasn't going to last long at all. After a little over a minute of our bodies rubbing together, Chase firmly handling my dick, and roughly grinding his lips into mine, I shot all over my stomach.

He licked the back of his hands and lowered himself back onto my mouth, allowing us to taste each other from each other.

"Oh my god, that was incredible," he said, sitting up and smiling at me. It took me a full two minutes to regain my composure, and all the while, Chase sat up and ran his hands across my body. It was sensual, and lit every nerve on my skin on fire.

I looked at the clock, realized it was only nine, and that we had three very long hours in order to do it again.

Two orgasms, three slices of pizza, and the christening of my kitchen and bathroom later, I pulled some shorts on, hopped into my car and went to pick up CJ.

"Goodnight, kiddo," I called when we were back at the house. He slid upstairs as I went into my own bedroom.

"Tell Chase I said goodnight," he said in the middle of a yawn. It was surprisingly endearing how much CJ liked Chase. I shouldn't have been too shocked by it. Ceej was the kind of kid that loved new things. Every new toy took precedent over his favorite old toy. He yawned audibly, and second later, I heard his door close.

"Hey, babe," I whispered as I slipped into my bedroom. The lights were already off, and I knew as soon as I slipped my shorts off and crawled into bed that Chase was fast asleep.

Seven in the morning came earlier than I expected, and somehow wrangling up two guys was harder than wrangling up just the one little boy. I'd forgotten how impossible Chase was in the morning, so when I shook him awake, he turned, looked at me, and then turned back around, curling up into a juvenile looking ball. I went upstairs and shook CJ awake, ran his shower for him and made sure he was up and walking around before I went back downstairs.

"Hey, pal, you've got to get up," I said, reentering the room after putting a pot of water on for coffee. "Come on, come on. You shower first."

"Mmmmm," he stretched. "Let's shower together."

"There's no fucking time for that," I replied. "Get up, shower. I'm making breakfast."

I nagged at him like he was a kid, and he eventually crawled out of bed and stepped into the steaming bathroom like a zombie. I brewed coffee, put yogurt and granola out, and sliced some pineapple and strawberries. By the time I was done, Chase was out of the shower and walking around the kitchen in his towel.

"There's a bathrobe in there," I said. I could clearly see the bulge in his thin white towel and so would CJ when he came bounding down the stairs for breakfast.

"Right," Chase said kissing me on the cheek. "We have kids now."

He grabbed a banana from the stack of fruit, ignoring all of the ones I'd cut up, and walked back into the bedroom. I hopped into the shower and by the time I got out, Chase was dressed and tying his shoes. By the time I was dressed, he was in the kitchen, eating yogurt topped with fruit and granola and chatting away with CJ.

"The way they score it is pretty weird, `cause there's no actual fighting," CJ explained. "They rank you on technique and discipline and whatever. I mean, if I were to actually fight this kid with Tae Kwon Do, I'd kick his butt."

Chase did his best to nod along, but I could tell he would have rather been fast asleep, or at least cuddling me while he was trying to wake up.

"Anyway, what do you want to do tonight? I was thinking we could rent this new game where you fight zombies that took over the world after a nuclear disaster," CJ spewed. He was difficult to wake up, but once he was going, he was nonstop until he was tired again.

"We'll talk about it later," Chase said, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"Okay, fellows, let's pack into the car and get a move on it," I called. I grabbed my coat and keys and ushered the two guys out of the apartment.

"Welcome to my life," I whispered to Chase, kissing him on the cheek and following CJ to my car. I could tell he was hating it just a little, but what else could he do? I wasn't asking him to step in as a step-dad or anything, and he very well could have stayed home and slept for another couple of hours. But this was the life I lived, and if my kids did pick me, it would be my life for another four years. There was no negotiating on that.

He played a great sport once his body was able to function at a normal level. It was always like that with the two of us. After a drunken night, I was the one that couldn't be moved, but if we passed out after having copious amounts of sex, Chase always wanted to sleep in the next morning.

The match was admittedly boring. There was more standing around and watching other kids fight than actually supporting CJ. When it was his turn, he took to the mat, and it was refreshing to see Chase perk up and clap for Ceej.

"Let's go!" he shouted right before the ref released the two to start the match. To be completely honest, after a couple dozen of these things, I still had no clue how they all worked. The two boys danced around for a little while until one struck, then they exchanged tepid rehearsed blows until one had the other in a head lock or on his back. At that point a whistle blew, points were doled out and they went again for two more rounds.

After the match, which lasted all of nine minutes, CJ came bounding over and gave me a hug.

"Did you film it?" he asked.

"Yep, and I am sending the file to your sister right now," I smiled.

"What'd you think?" he asked Chase.

"It was exciting," he replied with open eyes and feigned enthusiasm. "Do you know if you won?"

"I totally won," he replied. "I got all three downs, so we'll see what the total score is. I might be up for a medal."

He was refreshingly exuberant and I was so in love with that. The look of joy on his face when he got a silver plate for getting the second most total points in his match, coupled with the presentation of the red sash he could wear with his white uniform was enough to put pride in any father's heart.

And it was moments like that that I knew I'd miss forever. Random Saturday mornings, starting way too early and lasting way too long. I couldn't live without it.

"Hey are you Mr. Carpenter?" a guy asked as Chase and I walked out to the car to wait for CJ to pack up and meet us.

"Yes," I replied, turning to face the complete stranger. A second later, his fist jabbed right into my stomach and I doubled over.

"Tell your son to leave his shit on the mat and not to come after my kid after a match, got it?"

I saw Chase slide between us in an instant and grab the guy's arm. He hurled him around and pinned him against the side wall of the dojo. A stream of parents and kids all stopped in their tracks to see exactly what was going on.

I stood up and sharp pain went from my stomach up to my chest, and I doubled over again. It felt way more comfortable being bent over.

I barely heard Chase say something to the guy about getting out of there before he changed his mind and found his way to the nearest emergency room. A second later, I felt him put his arms around me and pull me up.

"What the fuck just happened?" I asked when we got to the car.

"I have no clue, but that guy will never touch you again," Chase responded, helping me into the passenger's seat. "I might have broken his finger."

"Chase."

"He punched you in the gut, gamin," he replied. "What the fuck was I supposed to do?"

I imagined the call from the dojo that was bound to come at some point that week. A week didn't go by without some parent squabble and I always heard horror stories of kids getting kicked out because their parents got too many red cards, or whatever.

We waited in silence for CJ to find his way to the car.

"Care to explain why some kid's dad punched me in the stomach just now?" I asked, realizing we were the last people to leave the gym. What had CJ had done that he had wanted to avoid facing me for so long after the match.

"No," he replied.

I turned around and glared at him, causing a rip of pain to coarse through my stomach.

"Well you will," I said, threatening him with my eyes.

"Dad, it was so stupid."

"So stupid that I might be bleeding from the spleen right now," I said. "Tell me what happened please."

"That kid, Luke, that I killed in a match a couple months ago, said something about you and Chase in the locker room," CJ said. "That's all. It was really dumb."

"And so you hit him?"

"Barely."

"What did he say?"

"Cooper," Chase tried to intervene, but he had no clue how upset I was that my son would resort to some form of violence to end a squabble.

"What did he say?"

"He asked if I have two dads now, and he asked if you were a butt muncher," he said, his attitude rising. I couldn't be pissed at him for defending me, but he needed to know that punching every kid who made fun of his family situation wasn't the way to go about it.

"Next time, tell that prick you'd rather have a butt muncher for a dad than some guy with a seriously weak left hook," I replied, turning back around and facing the road. "Like seriously, he punched like a girl."

As soon as we stepped foot into the house, CJ disappeared upstairs and Chase crawled back into bed.

"You want to talk about what happened at the gym just now?" he asked. I took my shoes off and followed his lead.

"Not really," I replied. "My kid just got made fun of because I'm a fag, and it won't be the last time."

Chase nodded. "Maybe trying to fold me in right now isn't the best idea. It might be a little too fast."

I took a deep breath and sighed. "This has nothing to do with you," I lied. I kissed him softly on the lips. As he fell asleep for a late afternoon siesta, I thought about what was in store for our family if the kids decided to stay. After twenty years, things were better for same-sex couples and their kids, but they were far from perfect. It was still Texas, and old minds still prevailed.

Still, no one at St. Mark's would turn an eye at seeing two guys represent one kid at a family function. The people at Highland Park High would be polite to your face, and quite possibly talk about you behind your back, but if you weren't being talked about in Highland Park, you didn't exist.

I wanted to believe that this was an isolated incident, and so I told myself it would all be okay.

Still unable to sleep after the shake up, I sat up and pulled my computer out. I was already at over a hundred pages in two nights. If Mason wanted this thing ready for edits ASAP, he'd have it ready for edits ASAP. The goal was 150,000 words, and I was a third of the way there.

Another sixty pages later, I crawled out of bed and hopped into the shower. When I emerged, Chase was up and talking into his phone.

"I'll call you back," he said, hanging up as I toweled off. "Hey there sexy."

I smiled at him.

"Why don't you come over here," he said in a wicked voice.

"I just got out of the shower," I said. "There's no way I'm coming over there."

"Fine," he grunted, springing out of the bed and stepping across the room. He enveloped me just as I was putting cologne on my chest.

"Chase," I squirmed. He bit into my shoulder and kissed my neck.

"You smell good," he said, like a caveman waiting for his daily fix.

"Thank you," I said trying to slither away from him. I needed to get dressed so that I could go. Instead of letting me go, Chase pulled me in close, and through the thin cotton of my towel, I could feel that he was pretty excited to see me.

"Chase, I don't have time to..."

"Let them wait, gamin," he whispered. I heard him unzip his zipper behind me as he kissed the base of my neck. The truth was, I didn't want to leave him behind, but it was by far the most important day of Kyle's life. I turned around and kissed Chase.

"Make it quick," I smiled. Twenty minutes later, I was back in the shower rinsing the smell of sex off my person.

I had to skip through my usual routine of trying on a dozen different outfits. Instead, I put on the off-black suit I'd picked out yesterday with a vibrant blue shirt, a herringbone grey vest, and a checkered tie that brought the whole thing together.

"You look amazing," Chase said, still lounging in bed.

"I look late," I said, glancing down at my watch and realizing it was already ten past eight. I ran my fingers through my hair, wishing I had time to obsess over every strand. Instead, I'd have to go for the bed head look, with just a dollop of product and a quick swoop.

"Okay, I've gotta run," I called, leaving my room. "Ceej! I'm heading out!"

I gave my son a minute to respond, but when he didn't, I ran up to his room, knocked on his door and peaked my head in.

"I'm heading out, kiddo," I said.

"Okay, dad," he nodded groggily. I wondered how long he and Chase could sleep before it became excessive, but I didn't have long to dwell on it. I raced downstairs, hopped in my car, and drove to the downtown Hyatt.

I noticed the caliber of cars as I merged into the valet lane behind a vintage black Mabach, happy that I wasn't so late that everyone was already there. I followed the trail of money into the ballroom that was decorated simply but elegantly. It was refreshing to know that Kyle was using Spencer's money in a semi-responsible way.

I got my table number from a greeter at the door who asked my name.

"Here you are Mr. Carpenter," she said with a warm smile. "It says here you're expected with a plus one. Will they no longer be joining us?"

"I'm afraid not," I replied taking my name tag from the greeter. There was no way I was punching two pin sized holes into the suit I'd just paid an arm and half a leg for, and so I held on to it awkwardly.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Here are your complimentary drink tickets as well," she said. "I suppose now you'll have twice as many."

That was a perk, I thought. I was surprised Spencer hadn't told Kyle that I wasn't bringing Chase anymore, but I guess it didn't matter. Kyle would see me, he'd see me alone, and he'd be relieved.

I scanned the room, looking past all of the Armani, Versace, Marc Jacobs, and Tom Ford suits to try and find my friends. I knew we were probably seated at a table towards the front, so I wove my way through the champagne servers and old money until I spotted Spencer towering over most of the room.

"Look who finally decided to show," Bass said as I stepped into the circle. I caught Britney's eye as I shook Sebastian's hand, and I could feel her tense up.

"Good to see you too, Bass," I smiled, trying hard not to be phased. I hugged Spencer.

"Where's the man of the hour?" I asked.

"Oh, you know. Just mixing, mingling, and shamelessly begging for money."

"Considering the table we're at is named after you, I'd say the begging is a little closer to home than we thought," Bass smiled. I motioned a server over and took in two glasses of champagne. If my friends had already started, I needed to play catch up.

"Woof," Spencer exclaimed with wide eyes after I pounded the first glass back. "Take it easy there, killer."

"Excuse me," Britney whispered, holding on to Sebastian's arm and shimmying away in her skin tight sequined black dress. It was an awkward interjection. Bass looked at each of us, shook his head, and then followed her away.

I gave Spencer a knowing nod and pounded back my second drink.

"Yeah, let me get one of those too," he said, looking around and grabbing a drink off of a server's tray.

"I mean, I know she has no desire to see me, but she knew I'd be here. And honestly, what the fuck did she expect?" I said, trying to clear the air after Britney couldn't last a complete minute with me around. "Do you think she'll force him to go home?"

"Probably not. They're probably trying to get their table changed or something," Spencer shrugged. "Let's talk about you for a second. Where's the plus one?"

"I told you I changed my mind about bringing him," I said. "You said it was inappropriate, and I said you were probably right."

"Hmm... yeah, you might have said that." ` "Did you not tell Kyle?"

Spencer shook his head. "No, Kyle definitely thinks he's coming."

"Why didn't you tell him? I'm sure he's a wreck." ` "I've been... distracted, I guess."

"Troy Davis?"

"Is such a dream boat, you have no idea," he said dreamily. I had my own dreamboat, I thought. And much like Spencer, I couldn't bring mine to the party either.

Just then, Bass returned. He sighed deeply and took his place next to Spencer and I.

"Well, there's that," he sighed.

"Where's Britney?" Spencer asked, turning serious for just a second.

"She's probably on her way home," Sebastian said, trying to inject as much matter-of-factness as possible. He sipped his Manhattan he'd had refilled on his way back.

"Are you not going to follow her?" I asked, afraid to tread. I knew I was at the heart of the spat, but it wasn't fair for Sebastian to get in trouble because of me.

He shook his head and bit down on his lip.

"No," he replied, simply. "This day is important to Kyle, and I promised I'd be here. She'll get over it."

Even if his voice didn't lack an ounce of confidence, I did. What if she didn't get over it? What if their fights about me became ultimatums? What if every time Bass left, it was prefaced with `Is Cooper going to be there?' As much as I wouldn't lose any love for Britney if I never had to deal with her again, it was unfair for her to make Sebastian choose.

Spencer quickly changed the subject to something crass and funny about what Troy Davis did in bed the other day, and I thought for a few minutes that our dynamic could go back to normal.

"Well, if it isn't my three favorite people in the room," I heard from behind me. I turned to see a slightly lit Kyle approach, holding a glass of his own up for us to toast. We clanked, hugged, and greeted.

"Where's Chase?" he whispered to me once everyone had been introduced to the two bankers he had brought over.

"I told Spencer he wasn't coming and I thought he'd told you."

Kyle shook his head and had a slightly worried look on his face for a second. I didn't catch what it meant, but he turned back to the others a second later and said he was going to continue mingling, but he'd join us right before dinner was served.

Spencer gave me a look as if to ask what was going on, and I mouthed that I didn't know.

Networking with the Dallas elite was fun once I let my hair down. It wasn't the type of party where getting shit faced was warranted, but the number of WASPs hanging around, sipping cocktails, and telling stories definitely warranted getting drunk.

The first to fall off the community wagon was the ex wife of one of Dallas' wealthiest investment bankers. He was actually the guy who had turned Spencer's first million dollars into a multi-million dollar options portfolio. After their seven year marriage, she made off with half his total assets and had spent the rest of her adult life supporting one cause or another. Rumor had it, she was dating a guy 15 years her junior, but said guy was no where to be found as she was escorted to a cab after falling into a waiter.

As people anticipated the announcement that dinner would be served, hopefully to soak up the top shelf liquor they were guzzling back, I began to relax and actually enjoy myself. With Spencer and Bass at my side, we entertained a group of potential donors who claimed they would love to see an openly gay man in Dallas public office.

"Ladies and gentleman, your host for the evening," an announcer called from the small podium that had appeared from nowhere on the stage. "Mr. Jason Wriggs."

Everyone clapped politely as they moseyed to their tables so they could have a quick seat after Jason's opening remarks.

"I know that the drinks are flowing and people are getting hungry for over priced food they'll barely eat," Jason began. "So I'll make my introduction quick. We all know why we're here. My little brother who has always been there to amaze me in ways I never thought possible is trying to change the face of Dallas politics forever, and if there is anyone in this room who can do it, it's him. He's an extraordinary lawyer, and better than that, he's a remarkable human being. He's been a champion for justice since we were kids and he told my mother I took a piece of gum from the grocery store without paying for it. It's true... he forced her to make me go back and pay for another pack, I swear. We're all here today to launch a campaign that will put someone in the District Attorney's office who truly deserves to be there more than anyone I know."

The applause after that clause was thunderous. Jason was charismatic to say the least, but this crowd didn't seem like one that needed too much buttering.

"You'll hear more from Kyle himself after dinner, but for now, please enjoy yourselves, enjoy the spread, and I would say enjoy the full bar, but I can see most of us already are."

He raised his glass, and there was another round of boisterous applause. We took our seats, and a hoard of servers immediately spun around with small salad plates.

Our table was noticeably missing two people, Britney to Bass' left and Chase to mine. The other couple seated with us were an SMU grad our year and his wife, and I was fairly certain the two single guys at our table were Sigmas.

We small talked over salads while each putting in our fish or chicken order. I hadn't expected a full three coarse meal, but I should have known better than to underestimate Kyle's opulence.

Just as Spencer was grabbing the table's attention yet again with another telling tale from his and Kyle's friendship, I heard something behind that caused me to tense up and turn around.

"Excuse me, gamin; is this seat taken?"

I turned my head to see Chase standing there behind me, dressed sharply in a simple grey suit, and smiling down like a kid on Christmas day.

I stood up and hugged him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I looked around as if no one could see the only two non-servers standing towards the front of the ballroom. In truth, I was looking around to see if Kyle had seen him.

"Relax," he whispered sitting down next to me and pulling his napkin over his lap. I saw Bass lean in to Spencer out of the corner of my eye, and I swear I heard him ask what he was doing there.

"Relax, gamin," Chase said, leaning in close and kissing my cheek. "Your son is safe at home with more pizza and movies than he knows what to do with and Mike on the way."

"Okay, but..."

"But nothing. Kyle called me and said if I didn't get down here in fifteen minutes, he'd drive across town and kill me himself."

I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Kyle did what?"

"Kyle called me," he said, taking my hand and holding it inside of his.

I looked up at the first table where Kyle, Jason, and a random assortment of Dallas' most powerful people sat. Kyle looked up just as I did and caught my eye. I gave him a look I knew he'd be able to interpret and he smiled at me.

There was nothing I could do but squeeze Chase's hand harder and smile back at Kyle.